Hey readers, here is the next chapter. Thank you to everyone who read and to everyone who commented on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I don't own Divergent, the only thing I own is the plot, and any military-related mistakes are mine. Happy Reading
Chapter 21: Semi-Charmed Life
His lips rouse me from my sleep; they move across my naked stomach. As my eyes open, I'm met with Tobias's dark blue eyes peeking at me as his head and lips continue to move across my stomach. My stomach crashes like a tidal wave. I attempt to keep my inner turmoil at bay. I repeat my mantra for the day in my mind: I can cry once he is gone or isn't paying attention. Tobias already knows how much his leaving today is hurting me, and I don't need to make it worse by crying in front of him; I need to be strong. My heart beats wildly in my chest at the thought of him leaving. His lips touch mine, bringing me back to the present moment.
His soft lips against mine while we kiss cause me to lose myself in the moment, once again. I try to stay in the moment, to not think about what's quickly approaching us. Tobias's rough fingertips brush my cheeks when he pulls away from the kiss, staring into my eyes, whispering, "I love you, Tris, always remember that." I reply, my voice quivering on the verge of tears, "I love you." He pulls me into his side. I wrap an arm tightly around his stomach, not wanting to let him go. He whispers reassuringly, "It's okay, you can cry, you know." Pushing my head into his chest, pulling his body tighter to mine, I allow the silent tears to begin to fall down my face when his words reach my ears like he can unlock my hidden tears with his words. With all my senses, I attempt to memorize him: his face, his voice, the feel of his skin underneath my fingertips, his smile while he holds me close, and his laugh. I attempt to gather my courage and wipe the tears from my eyes and cheeks while I repeat my inner mantra, but then my eyes unconsciously fall onto the alarm clock. Less than an hour until his alarm will go off.
The silence stretches between us, his hand wraps around my waist, and, all too soon, his alarm sounds in the room, breaking the silence, sending my nerves into another wave of panic. Tobias's lips lightly press against the crown of my head, and he rolls away from me, pulling himself up from the bed. As he walks into the bathroom the tears once again fall, and I attempt to pick the pieces of myself up before readying myself for the day.
Today, I choose to meet Tobias downstairs. I can't bear to watch him dress in his uniform unlike, every day since learning of his impending deployment. Every day I have been attempting to memorize the way he puts his uniform on: buttoning his pants, zipping his jacket, and blousing his pant legs. I eagerly watch him, committing each small detail to memory. Those images are forever ingrained into my memory.
Today is the day I have been dreading. It's D-day for me. It's the day my entire life is changing. I'm losing my husband, my best friend, my lover, my confidant. I sigh, glancing at my reflection in the mirror. I busy myself making a cup of tea and a pot of coffee. My mind drifts: How did summer pass so quickly? How is it August already? How is today the day Tobias is leaving?
The teapot begins to boil, Tobias's heavy boots prick my ears walking down the stairs, and my eyes are instantly drawn to him in his tan desert flight jumpsuit. The sight of him in this uniform immediately breaks my heart when he drops his large, heavy duffle bag next to the couch. The same thought cuts me to the core once again: I'm losing my husband today. This is really happening. Seeing him in this uniform makes everything seem real. We are out of time. Sadly, he glances at me, his eyes catch mine while he tries to hold back his own tears. Tears fill mine at his overwhelming sadness. We have been marching toward this date, but, no matter how hard I try, I can't change the fact he is leaving me to go to war, neither of us can. Another sobering thought flashes through my mind: I may never see him again after today. A shiver rips up my spine at the idea. I try not to think about it, but the reality is staring at me in the form of Tobias in a deployment flight suit, and hearing on the radio and news daily about more soldiers being killed overseas. My life has changed since the day Tobias proposed in our living room. The silent question bounces through my mind: Are we going to survive this, Tobias?
I'm silent at breakfast, watching Tobias, who stares at me, waiting for me to break, and I can't stand it. Every time, his eyes meet mine, there is nothing but concern in them. When I try to make a distracting conversation with him, wanting to look ahead to our future, to try to keep my mind off the present, asking, "How many more days until Virginia?" His face drops at my comment. Sadly, he replies, "I'll let you know when. I have to have my official orders in my hand before anything happens," his hand reaches for mine. His fingertips barely touch the back of my knuckles, he smiles slightly, and his eyes catch mine. I bite my tongue to hold back my tears when we stand, and he pulls me against his hard chest while my eyes slide closed. I whisper, uncertainty lacing my voice, "Tobias?" I attempt to pretend he isn't leaving for six months and is only going to work for the day, but, when I open my eyes, my eyes land on his damn green duffle bag filled to the brim with all his gear sitting by the couch. The tears begin to flow from my eyes, wetting his flight suit. "Huh?" He asks, quietly, while he holds me tightly, rubbing my back, attempting to comfort me while my body shakes. My voice shakes, asking, "Are we going to survive this?" His fingertips touch my chin, drawing my eyes up to his. I give voice to the question I have been asking myself on repeat multiple times since he walked down the stairs this morning. Confidently he replies, "Yes," his eyes look sad while he attempts to smile at me, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. His normal brilliant blue eyes are a stormy blue, almost black with uncertainty. Slowly, he reaches for my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine, gripping them so tightly I feel like my fingers may break. Today will be one of the only times I'll be able to hold Tobias's hand or be able to show him affection while he's in uniform, and he won't get into trouble.
Somberly, I ask, "How are you so sure we are going to survive this?" Needing to know how he is positive while he stands before me. Curiously, he asks, "Survive what?" Pulling away from me completely, to stare into my eyes. I whisper, "Survive life? Survive this deployment? I don't think I can watch you get on a plane to fly away from me. It nearly killed me the last time when we were at O'Hare. How am I supposed to do that again, and with eyes on me?" My eyes drift to the floor, staring at his boots. Tobias encircles his arms around my shoulders, leaning his forehead against mine, muttering, "Shh Tris, nothing is going to happen to me. You are starting to scare me. Are you sure you are okay?"
Shrugging my shoulders, I answer, "I have to be okay. It's not like you can miss your plane. I'm terrified, Tobias. The last time you went on a mission, I nearly lost you forever." I pinch my skin, attempting to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall once more, but I can't contain them when he gently touches my chin and raises my eyes to meet his. The tears cascade down my cheeks as he whispers, "Don't think like that. Peter did something to my plane the last time. He was trying to kill me."
Interrupting him, I snap, "How is this time any different than what happened with Peter? Aren't people going to be trying to kill you over there too?" He replies, "I do have a new plane with new equipment." Crossing my arms, I respond, "That doesn't matter!" Tobias doesn't speak any further, dropping the subject. Instead, he increases his grip around my waist, his firm muscles press against my chest. Sadly, he mutters, "I'm sorry Tris. I wish I had the right words to comfort you, but I don't know them. I don't know what to say. I know there isn't a lot of time to talk right now, but I'm always here to talk if you need to. You know that, right? Even when I am deployed, you can always message me, text me, email me, write me a letter, or Facetime me. I'll always be there to listen to you. I want to know what is happening back home while I'm away."
"Tobias, I love you, but-" His fingertips land on my lips, stopping the words from leaving my mouth. He bends slightly, his lips replace his rough fingertips, and his lips lightly press against mine with a slow kiss. Slowly, he whispers against them, pulling away gently, "I don't know what will happen now or in the future, but I have to believe you are my soulmate, and with you by my side, I can do anything and be anything. I love you, Mrs. Eaton." His fingers play with both my engagement ring and wedding band on my finger that lays on his chest. He draws my fingertips up to his mouth, kissing them, my eyes connect with his, I whisper, "I love you, Tobias. Don't you ever forget that."
He whispers back, "Believe me, I won't." My fingers run through his short hair, his eyes slide close at the motion of my fingers against his scalp, tilting his head, pressing his lips into mine once more, I give myself over to the kiss. When the kiss ends, my fingers intertwine into the chain for his dog tags, and it slips out of his jumpsuit. At the end sits his solid rose gold wedding band. Shock laces my voice, I ask, "Tobias, you're bringing your wedding band?" He smiles, "Yes, that way, a piece of you will always be with me, no matter where I go during this war, just like a part of me will always be with you," placing his large hand onto my flat stomach. A giggle erupts from my mouth, my mind drifting back to last night after the fair. "That didn't happen last night, and you know it." He grins, "Here's to hoping, right?" I roll my eyes at him and his false hope. He opens the front door, and we leave the house, hand-in-hand. Driving to Andrews Airfield in the black Raptor, Tobias silently holds my hand. We are both in our own little worlds, but my mind is anywhere other than where we driving.
Thoughts and opinions on this chapter. The next chapter will be up on the weekend of October 24, 2020, and it will be a continuation of this chapter.