Hey readers, here is the next chapter as promised. Thank you to everyone who continues to support this story through your various ways. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I don't own Divergent. I only own the plot, any military-related mistakes are mine. Just a friendly reminder, I have taken some liberties in regards to the military to make some things more interesting for this story. Happy Reading!
Chapter 36: Readjusting Sucks
I hold my breath, bracing myself for whatever is about to come out of his mouth. Is he going to confess he cheated on me while he was deployed? I have heard the horror stories of husbands cheating on their wives while deployed. My heartbeat quickens when the idea of Tobias being with someone other than me drifts through my mind. Tobias's eyes nervously meet mine, making everything much worse in my brain. Does this have something to do with Stacy? His eyes rove to his shoes, and he whispers, "I think you should sit down, before I tell you what happened to me overseas." He pats the couch next to him. Slowly, I sit on the couch. My eyes stare at the wall. I can't look at him. Tobias takes my hands in his. He gulps and begins to fidget with my rings on my left hand. Suddenly, he interjects, "I lied. I'm sorry."
My stomach drops at his whispered admission of guilt. My wide eyes flit to his sorrowful eyes. My mouth feels dry when I ask, "About?" Not knowing what Tobias is apologizing for exactly. He murmurs, continuing, "About the way I made the rank of Major so quickly." My heart hammers in my chest while he continues, "I could have come home in February, but I put my career ahead of us, ahead of our marriage, ahead of you, and I'm sorry for that. Before I left stateside for Syria, rumors were floating around the squadron. In order to get promoted quicker, you could sign up for an extended tour. Before I left, I had signed up with a promise from my higher-ups: I would be pinning Major within a month after I came home from my extended tour of duty. I should have told you that I wouldn't be home on time before I left."
Hurt floods my chest at the idea of Tobias having lied to me; especially at knowing he left on deployment with a lie between us. Why couldn't he just have told me the truth? I blink my eyelashes while the tears flood them, attempting to hold them in. I can't let him see how much he has hurt me. I mutter, "Yeah, you should have. I would have understood, you know? I would have told you to stay the extra time in Syria. I know how badly you wanted to be promoted. I wouldn't have stood in the way. I can't believe you didn't trust me with something like that! I thought we were a team." Tobias cuts in, "We are a team." I snap, "You could have fooled me! What's next? Are you going to tell me that you lied about being in Syria the entire time?" Tobias's eyes sweep to his shoes once again, and a look of guilt flashes through his eyes. He sighs, "I was in Syria for the most part, but I did participate in missions outside of Syria. Frequently, I went to Iraq for undercover missions, as backup air support for our ground troops, and I always volunteered to go."
Not believing my ears, I ask, "What? Why?" He lied to me! He put himself in unnecessary danger by volunteering to go on missions that weren't his to go on. My mind races with thoughts: Tobias knew when he put me in his truck that day at the hanger and asked me to drive away from him. Tobias knew he would be gone for longer than he was supposed to be, and he didn't tell me! What the fuck! My fists clench in anger at the situation and for crying as much as I did over him. Needing to know the answers, I spit, "Why, didn't you tell me, Tobias? Why did you lie to me before you left?"
He guiltily shrugs his shoulders, answering, "Because Tris, I'm a coward. I know you would have understood, and you may say those words to me now, in the aftermath of the situation, but can you honestly tell me that back then you would have encouraged me to stay in a wartorn country for an extended tour? I don't think you would have." Without realizing what I'm doing, my fingers fly through the air, and I smack his chest. He sits there stunned. Tears roll down my cheeks, yelling, "Well, we will never know how I would have reacted since you took that decision from me!" Sadly, Tobias says, "I'm sorry, Tris. I was stupid to keep it from you. I couldn't bear to look you in the eye and tell you I had signed myself up for a longer tour without discussing it with you. I thought you would run away."
Anger surges through my chest. I yell, "Runaway! Runaway to where Tobias? To California, where my life was destroyed by my abusive asshole ex-boyfriend? Where you almost died, and where my brother almost died in front of my eyes? I followed you across the country, no questions asked because I love you! I gave up my job to be with you, a job I loved, and now no one will hire me because I have a gap in my work history. I have no answers for the hiring manager when asked why I suddenly took off from my job in California, other than wanting a change in scenery, or we recently relocated due to my husband's job. The hiring manager always puts it together that my husband is in the military. Always, I'm hearing at the end of the interview, 'You will hear from us soon with our decision.' You wanna know what their decision always is in the end, Tobias?" He stares at me, not uttering a word. I continue, "They either never contact me, or I receive an email with a 'sorry someone else is better qualified, but feel free to keep applying to other positions. We will keep your resume on file.' Everyone sees me as a flight risk. I gave up everything to be with you, so you can follow your dreams! What have you given up for me? Nothing! You are selfish!" Angrily, I storm from the couch.
Tobias yells, "Tris, wait!" I slam the front door behind me while I snap, "No," unable to sit in the same house as him and look at him. I know if I stay in that house, we will both say something we will regret later. I believed I knew him better than this, and I thought we were a team! I guess I was wrong! Angrily, I walk down the road away from the house and away from the man who lied to me. I refuse to be taken advantage of by another man again.
The tears won't stop flowing when my fingers fly up into the air to hail a cab. Instantly, I give the cab driver Christina's address. On the drive, my phone won't stop ringing. I reject every call, not wanting to hear from him. I wish these stupid tears would stop! I cry every tear I have been holding in while he was deployed and the ones I have been holding in since he came home. Even the ones I told myself I couldn't because I needed to be strong not only for myself but for him too because I needed to hold it together on the home front. Well, screw it! I'm done! I'm done with it all! The cab driver gives me a concerned look when he drops me off in front of Will and Christina's house. Slowly, I walk up the sidewalk, crying.
Thought and opinions on this chapter. Please review. The next chapter will be posted on the weekend of July 3, 2021 if all goes well, but I'm keeping no promises.