Hello Readers and welcome to the April update for this story! A friendly reminder, I don't own Divergent, only the plot, and any military-related mistakes are mine. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary to this story! Many years, I started when I was still writing Doctor and Nurse. and here we are still on book 2. The idea for this story started from when I was visiting a family member years before who was serving, and I was actually playing the same game as Tris was in the airport with everyone's uniforms. Happy Reading!
Chapter 48: Music Heals
The cab stops in front of a pitch-black house; I motion for the cab driver to halt at the driveway. Sam's worrisome eyes land on me, "Are you going to be okay?" His reassuring hand reaches for mine while I whisper, "Yeah, thanks for everything." I try to keep my voice strong while I open the car door, and my eyes fall onto Tobias's truck. His truck is still parked where I last left it.
I take a deep breath, gathering my strength and courage to begin walking up the sidewalk. My eyes stay locked on the front door, willing Tobias to appear, but he doesn't. What kind of mood is Tobias in now?
Quietly, I open the door and my eyes automatically search for Tobias, but he is nowhere to be seen. My ears strain for any noise, but the house is eerily silent. Tobias has to be somewhere here; I listen harder. Suddenly, I hear the light strumming of guitar strings coming from the spare bedroom located at the end of the hallway. The one with a million unpacked boxes.
Slowly, I walk to the slightly ajar door, and my eyes are instantly drawn to Tobias. In the year Tobias and I have spent together, I have never seen him play guitar, other than the one time he tried to teach me after I was assaulted by Peter. Tobias's brows furrow in concentration playing a sad song. Listening to the melancholy tune makes my chest fill with an ache because I feel responsible for making him feel this way.
The floor underneath my weight creeks, and he stops playing. His empty eyes connect with mine through the crack of the door, and I breathe into the air, "Tobias," wanting to explain. I want to say more. I lose the words as soon as his words connect with mine. He mutters, "Tris, I don't have the energy to do this with you right now," he tugs at his hair in frustration. His eyes are glassy with unshed tears while removing the guitar from his lap, wanting to be away from me.
He stands, but I block him from leaving the room, taking a step closer, whispering, "Then yell at me, say whatever you need to me, to make yourself feel better. I can take it. I'm so sorry, Tobias, I know I'm bad at communicating with you, and I'm sorry. I'm trying. I will try harder, and I want to be better. For so long, I had to hide my feelings and keep my thoughts to myself because of Peter. Sometimes, I fall into that old habit, and I forget you want to know what I am thinking, feeling, or that you want to know what's happening at home. You can trust me; you always can. I promise you. You should know that by now. I saved your life once when I could have let you die." Images flood my mind of Tobias bleeding out on our old garage floor, my plea for him to stay with me and his agreement to try, and the slow-motion of realizing his heart had stopped beating a moment later.
I blink my eyes to rid my mind of the memories. Tobias mumbles, "That's not what I meant," his eyes dart to the floor while I interrupt, "Will you let me finish?" I shoot him a look, continuing, " Tobias, you can trust me with your heart! I thought we had gotten through this. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the stupid text message, the mirror, but you need to understand. I was going to tell you when you came home. I didn't want you to needlessly worry about me while you were away. There was nothing you could have done from Alaska."
Quickly, he glances at me, "It's my job to protect you." I begin to interrupt, but he shoots me another look, leaving me speechless. He crosses his arms, continuing, "Clearly, you need someone to worry about you since you ended up drugged and can't remember what happened. I want you to stay away from Sam for right now. I know he's your friend, but everyone is a suspect. I also, don't want you on the back of his motorcycle anymore." I murmur, "Tobias, I know it's your job to want to protect me, but some things you can't protect me from." I let go of the argument even though I want to argue with him about staying away from Sam. Sam is one of my best friends. He didn't do anything wrong. My chest aches while I stand with Tobias in the spare bedroom, and I'm not sure why. Is it because he doesn't want me to see Sam anymore as Peter once did, or is it because he said when he saw this house online, the spare room would be great for a nursery? Tobias's voice draws me out of my thoughts, whispering, "Come here and let me hold you," opening his arms wide. Immediately, I sprint into them, feeling safe and secure, like all my problems are much smaller than they are for the first time in over twenty-four hours. Breathing in his scent, I mutter, "I love you, Tobias."
A smile tugs at Tobias's lips, "I love you too, Tris. I'm sorry for how I acted at the hospital. I went crazy with worry after receiving that phone call from Sam. Every bad thing I could imagine happening to you kept swirling in my mind while I was on a plane flying home. It killed me that I had to wait to come home. I wanted to jump on my plane to be with you, to know what was going on. I hated having to rely on someone else to care for you in your time of need. I can't imagine anything happening to you. I would become a shell of a man if I lost you. I would want you to haunt me for the rest of your ghost life while I tossed and turned at night, thinking of all the what-ifs." His lips press into my forehead, his eyes glassy with unshed tears as dark blue eyes melt into light blue ones.
"Tobias...I..." I begin to say. He stares into my eyes, whispering, "You don't need to say anything. Just let me hold you in my arms and know you are safe. I need to feel you in my arms," his arms wrap tighter around me, drawing me closer to his chest. I murmur, "I don't think I could live in a world without you either." My eyelids begin to feel heavy from the events of the past few days as I soak in Tobias's warmth, and his heartbeat fills my ears.
Gently, he rubs my back, his fingertips touch my chin, drawing my eyes to meet his, and he looks into my eyes. His face is sincerely honest while he says, "Don't say things like that, Tris. We should have a talk about that." My heart drops at his words. He continues, taking my hands in his, "My line of work is dangerous. I want you to live your life if anything were to happen to me. I don't want you mourning a ghost. You deserve to live your life to the fullest. You deserve a big beautiful life, Tris, full of love, adventure, and babies if you want them."
Tears burn my eyes. I ask, "Tobias, why are you saying all this?" Tobias smiles, "Because things are happening in the world that I want to keep you innocent to for right now, and I'm not at liberty to speak about. I have already lived, Tris. I have had a great life, one where I have a job I love. We have had a lot of adventures, and best of all, I found my love and soulmate: the person who completes me for this beautiful life. Life is amazing, Tris. I need to know you will go on with your life even if I'm not a part of it." Panic takes over my mind at his words, I mumble, "But, I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist," the tears roll down my cheeks. He rubs them out, smiling, "And you won't, but sometimes I can't control things," pulling me protectively against his chest once again. He lowers his voice, continuing, "God knows, sometimes I try to control things, but I can't control the world around me especially if the world keeps acting the way it is."
Thoughts and opinions on this chapter. Any thoughts on the conversation Tris and Tobias had in this chapter? Until then have a great month and please review because I'm know sure anyone is still reading this story.