In the shadows
Yoshiko is well aware she has somebody waiting for her at home watching the hours go by and the night fall over with no answer to any of her calls or texts, but she doesn't care or at least, she tries to not care about it.
She keeps staring impassively at the wall in front of her, drinking one beer after another, grimacing at its bitter taste until the bar closes and she's thrown into the cold night and streets, wandering drunk around the darkest corners of the city until she finds a solitary and isolated park.
She sighs and heads over there, flopping on the ground, her body hidden completely in the shadows. Then, she takes a cigarette out of her pocket and lights it up, wondering when her phone will stop ringing unnecessarily.
Yoshiko gazes up at the sky, her sight of it becoming blurred as the first tears start to make their appearance and slide down her face and she releases a big puff of smoke.
She knows she's being a terrible girlfriend to Riko, worrying her like she's doing at this very moment, but she doesn't have the courage to go back home and see the disappointed look on her face. She can't take her empathy and understanding. She really can't...
She has lost her job. Again.
Yoshiko can't even remember how many jobs she has lost over the last months, but it's already starting to take a toll on her. It makes her feel like a failure and totally unworthy of Riko, of her kindness, of her comprehension, of her love…
She sighs thinking about Riko, thinking how she deserves somebody better than her, but no matter how much she wants to let her go so she can find somebody else to be happy with, she can't.
She knows she's being selfish, but she can't help it. Riko is the only good thing she has in her life and she doesn't want to lose it, even if she's ruining it.
Yoshiko shuts her eyes tightly to try to hold back the tears and takes another deep puff of her cigarette before it's snatched roughly from her mouth, making her turn her face quickly and abruptly to find a pair of deep and angry golden eyes staring right at hers, piercing her soul and making her gulp.
- R-Riko… I-
Yoshiko can't even end her sentence before Riko throws herself onto her, crushing her petite body in a tight embrace that makes her tears fall down her face.
- Idiot, I was so worried about you. I thought something bad had happened to you – she hears Riko mumbling against her neck, feeling something wet sliding down it.
Yoshiko gives in and brings her arms up to wrap Riko tightly in them, crying the both of them together.
- I'm sorry Riri, I'm so sorry – Yoshiko cries harder, squeezing Riko tighter in her arms.
They stay like that for a bit longer before Riko pulls away from the embrace, managing to sit on Yoshiko's lap and cup her cheeks, wiping her tears away with her thumbs while giving her a teary but gentle smile.
- Are you going to tell me why aren't you answering your phone and why are you here drunk, smoking and alone in the middle of the night and hidden in the shadows, instead of with me at home? – Riko asks her calmly even though there's a trace of sadness in her voice.
- Do I have to? – Yoshiko grimaces, looking anywhere but at Riko.
- You do have to – Riko demands her, obliging her to look back at her and squeezing her cheeks.
Yoshiko sighs heavily and resigned.
- I… uhm… sorry – Yoshiko breathes out, tightening her embrace around Riko.
- Yocchan, please – Riko pleads her almost desperately, resting her forehead against Yoshiko's, kissing her nose lightly while her arms surround her girlfriend's neck.
Yoshiko cries harder at her girlfriend's patience and tenderness and crumbles completely down in her arms, burying her head into Riko's chest while Riko just sighs and wraps her tightly in her arms, rubbing her back in circles soothingly to help her calm down.
- I-I've lost another job. I'm so sorry Riri. I swear I try, I really do, I just-
- It's okay Yocchan – Riko cuts her off kindly, making Yoshiko shake her head against her chest, pulling herself away from the tight embrace to look at Riko.
- But it's n-
Riko places a finger on Yoshiko's lips, silencing her.
- It's okay Yocchan. I know you're trying, you just have bad luck but we already knew that, didn't we? – Riko tells her teasingly, giving her a sweet and reassuring smile and Yoshiko can't help but smile back at her through her tears before throwing herself again onto Riko, enjoying the warmth and reassurance she always envelopes her in, being her small lighthouse illuminating her way whenever she gets lost in the shadows.
- I love you Riri, I'm so sorry.
- I told you it's okay silly, we'll get through this – Riko tells her reassuringly, kissing her forehead and stroking her back and hair in a soothing way – I love you too Yocchan.
Even though Yoshiko still feels like a failure and unworthy of Riko and her love, she knows she'll do anything for her and to make Riko be proud of her again, because she loves her more than anything, even if sometimes she ruins everything getting lost in the shadows.