One Bleach
In this chapter, Luffy's going to defeat Shrieker…but in the process, he's going to attract the attention of another Hollow hunter. As it turns out, he would like to challenge him…
Meanwhile, Ichigo and the Straw Hat Pirates are going to search for treasure in a booby-trapped cave…better be careful.
Chapter 5: Everlasting Punishment
Shrieker lunged towards Luffy, hoping to become an even more prolific serial killer than he already was. Killing people was so much fun.
However, Luffy was too quick for him, and he sped out of the way.
Shrieker clawed Luffy in the face, but since he was made of rubber it didn't hurt him too much.
In retaliation, Luffy gave Shrieker a punch in the face. Shrieker grimaced as a small crack appeared on his mask. He didn't want too many of those.
"Curse you!" exclaimed Shrieker.
"You already cursed a boy…" noted Luffy.
"Well, curse him too!" bellowed the Hollow. He hated him for knocking him out a window…even if he got to be a bloodthirsty monster that got to eat souls.
Sure enough, Chad and Rukia were watching the show…well, the latter was. The former didn't know what was happening.
"Why is Luffy wrestling with thin air?" inquired Chad. To him, Hollows were completely invisible. They might as well not even exist…if they weren't out to eat his soul.
"He's fighting a Hollow." explained Rukia.
"I can't see…" said Ichigo's best friend.
Rukia gave Chad an odd-looking pair of sunglasses.
"Oh…that's absolutely horrifying." noted Chad.
"Yeah…fighting Hollows isn't for the faint of heart…or weak of soul." said Rukia.
Chad nodded.
Fortunately, it appeared that Luffy was winning.
"Take this!" exclaimed Luffy.
"Aargh!" bellowed Shrieker.
However, Shrieker was ready to resort to desperate measures.
Suddenly, Luffy sprouted a tail.
"Huh?" inquired the pirate.
As it turned out, he was turning into a monkey.
In the process, he lost much of his clothing, though thankfully he kept his straw hat and his underpants.
"This is rather ironic…" noted Luffy. Wasn't that his surname?
All of a sudden, he was craving bananas.
"Ooh ooh aah aah!" exclaimed the pirate.
"Oh no…" thought Rukia. Would there be a way to change him back?
Personally she was hoping that she could separate Yuichi from his parakeet body so that he could go to Soul Society…but perhaps the only way they could do that was stick a sword through his skull and move on.
However, Luffy was still fighting even in this state…and he was rather ferocious.
Unfortunately, being a monkey had made him far stronger…and he was cracking Shrieker's mask.
Getting desperate, Shrieker decided to lie to Luffy.
"If you kill me, you'll be trapped in the body of a monkey forever!" exclaimed Shrieker.
"I will?" inquired Luffy.
"Do as I say and I'll change you back…" said the Hollow.
However, he remembered that Shrieker was a liar…and decided he shouldn't trust him.
Still, he wondered if he would ever be able to change back.
Well, he could talk to Rukia about that later.
Opening up another can of monkey kung-fu, Luffy unleashed his fury on Shrieker.
This did the trick, and Shrieker's mask shattered completely.
"Is this the end…for my bloodsoaked career?" inquired Shrieker.
Apparently, it was, as Shrieker transformed back into a Plus.
Oddly enough, unlike the Hollows he had fought previously, a scary-looking gate suddenly appeared upon his death.
"What's going on? I thought he was going to heaven…" questioned Luffy.
At that very moment, Karin stepped out of the house.
"Did you get him?" inquired Karin.
Rukia nodded.
"About that…I'm afraid he's not going to heaven…" said the teenage girl.
"What?" asked the pirate.
"He was a serial killer in his previous life…and the last time I checked, serial killers don't go to Heaven…they go to Hell…he might be let out if his soul is purified…but don't expect it to happen anytime soon." explained Rukia.
"Oh yeah…" remembered Luffy.
"Er, I'm not going to Hell, am I?"
"Why would you go there?" asked the ex-Shinigami.
"Well, I ate the last cookie in the cookie jar…" explained Luffy.
"Oh dear….Yuzu's not going to be happy you did that…" said Karin.
"Nooooooooooo!" screamed Yuzu from inside the kitchen.
At that very moment, Yuichi was released from his parakeet body.
"Thank you for your help…" said Yuichi. Now he would finally get to go to the afterlife. Would he get to see mother again?
As it turned out, yes, he would.
"Mama!" cheered Yuichi.
"Yuichi!" exclaimed Yuichi's Mother.
It was so nice to get reunited after so long…especially after that serial killer was out of their lives.
Now they could live the rest of their lives in Heaven. Maybe they would get angel wings?
Immediately, Yuichi and his mother left, waving goodbye to Luffy and Rukia as they did so.
Shortly afterwards, Luffy began to change back to normal.
"Yes! Now I won't have to spend the rest of my life as a primate…" said Luffy. Eventually, he was completely human once again.
However, he noticed Rukia's nose was bleeding.
"Is something the matter?" inquired the pirate.
"You're in your undies." explained the ex-Shinigami.
"Oh." said Luffy.
Immediately, he began to wonder if he should look for something to cover himself. It appeared to be freaking Rukia out…though Karin didn't seem to be too affected.
Suddenly, Orihime stopped by.
"Uh-oh…" thought Rukia.
"Why are you in your underpants, Luffy?" asked Orihime.
"I had an accident while fighting a Hollow…" explained Luffy.
"That must be embarrassing…" acknowledged the teenage girl.
"Yeah…kind of." nodded the pirate captain.
"I know what will make you feel better!" exclaimed Orihime.
Immediately, she began to take off her clothes until she was in her underwear, just like Luffy was. It looked like today was Underpants Day.
This of course caused Chad's nose to bleed as well.
"What is this world coming to?" thought Karin.
Immediately, she went back into her house so that she could go relax in her room. Today had been a long day.
In the world of pirates…
"So, this is where we can find treasure?" inquired Ichigo.
"Hurry up already! I want to be rich!" exclaimed Nami.
"Aren't you already rich?" questioned the substitute Shinigami.
"Yes…but I'll be even richer if I get the treasure!" bellowed the teenage girl.
"At this rate she's going to turn herself in for the reward money." noted Zoro. He had in fact heard that Nami had once bathed in gold…he didn't find it hard to believe.
Immediately, Ichigo took a few steps in the cave…
…only for spikes to pop out from the ground.
Frantically, he walked away.
"Who filled this cave with deathtraps?!" exclaimed Ichigo.
"It looks like someone doesn't want us to get their treasure…" suggested Sanji.
"That's too bad." answered Nami.
Fortunately, she knew how to get past these kinds of traps…as she had dealt with them many times before.
She wasn't known as the Cat Burglar for nothing.
However, they would quickly discover another trap shortly afterwards. It was peril after peril.
Apparently, there was a trap that spewed poison gas…for obvious reasons they couldn't breathe that stuff.
"What are we going to do? We're going to die if we breathe that in…" noted Ichigo.
"Don't worry…we brought gas masks…even if they make us look like dorks…" explained Nami.
"OK…" said the substitute Shinigami.
Immediately, the five of them put on their masks so that they wouldn't suffocate…
"Thank goodness we brought these…I was worried for a second that we were going to have to pack up and go home…" noted Usopp.
"Wouldn't that be a pity." nodded Zoro.
Immediately, they used the gas masks to get across the poison gas.
However, they got the feeling that they were going to have to deal with yet another booby-trap.
They thought correctly.
Suddenly, they heard the door closing behind them.
"What the-" said Ichigo.
As it turned out, there was an enormous boulder heading straight towards them.
Gasping in shock, the five of them ran as fast as they could, just barely evading it.
"That was pretty close…" noted Nami.
"I was almost a pancake!" exclaimed Usopp..
"Speaking of which maybe I should cook some right about now…" noted Sanji.
Fortunately, it appeared that they were finally out of trouble.
Immediately, they noticed a treasure chest, and opened it…
…only for Nami to be punched in the face.
"Ouch!" exclaimed Nami.
"You alright, Nami?" inquired Ichigo.
"I think so." nodded the cat burglar. Unfortunately, she now had a black eye.
Fortunately, there was another treasure chest nearby. Apparently, the previous treasure chest they had opened was only a decoy.
"Very funny…" remarked Zoro.
Immediately, they opened it and found quite a bit of cash.
"We're rich!" exclaimed Nami.
"Isn't that nice…" nodded Ichigo. Personally he wondered if he would be able to spend it if he came home.
Maybe he could, maybe not. His town might be interested in foreign currency.
Fortunately, there was an exit that they could use so that they didn't have to brave the horrors of the cave again.
Shortly afterwards, they boarded their ship and headed out for adventure once again.
"What should we do now?" inquired Ichigo.
"Maybe we could go to the human auction house and try freeing some slaves…" suggested Nami.
"Slaves?" asked the teenage boy.
"Yeah…people like forcing others to do their bidding, it seems." acknowledged the orange-haired girl.
Ichigo imagined himself with a cannonball attached to his leg and being forced to build a castle.
"Work faster, slave!" exclaimed the slavedriver.
"I'm working as fast as I can!" bellowed Ichigo.
"Keep it that way." answered the cruel man.
"That sounds awful." nodded Ichigo.
"If we get caught…we might have to repay our debts to society…so basically we'll become slaves ourselves." said Sanji.
"I don't want to be a slave! I'm a free man!" bellowed Usopp.
"I wonder how long we'd be able to stand it…" questioned Zoro.
"Being a slave can drive some people crazy…" noted Nami.
"I can imagine that…" said Ichigo.
Together, they set sail to a slave auction house.
Sure enough, there were several slaves on sale…and they appeared to be chained up.
Oddly enough, one of them seemed to be into it.
"That's kind of weird…" noted Nami.
Fortunately, it appeared that they weren't well-guarded…so now they had the opportunity to strike.
Immediately, they began to work their way through the crowd and make their way to the man selling them. He was bald and had a mustache, and appeared to be fairly old as well. He even had a cane.
"I'm going to be rich!" exclaimed the man.
"Actually, you're going to be bruised and battered." explained Nami.
"Huh?" inquired the slave seller.
Immediately, the Straw Hat Pirates began to attack the man for making slaves out of innocent people. He would be in the hospital for about two weeks.
They then freed the slaves so that they could go home. They were eternally grateful…though one of them wanted to be chained up a bit longer.
"It's a good thing that none of them had slave collars…" noted Nami.
"Slave collars?" inquired Ichigo.
"Some of the crueler slavedrivers like to attach slave collars to the slaves…they'll blow up if they try to flee for the hills…" explained the teenage girl.
"That sounds brutal." noted the substitute Shinigami.
Personally, Usopp wondered if they would attach one to him if he was ever caught by the Marines. His bounty was slowly getting higher after everything he and the rest of his crew had done.
"Yeah…all the more reason not to get arrested." noted Nami.
Fortunately, it appeared that nobody was coming to hunt down the escaped slaves…as they apparently weren't that valuable.
So it looked like they had won today.
"It feels good to be nice every once in a while…" said Sanji.
"I bet it does." nodded Ichigo.
Perhaps they should try this again sometime.
In the world of Ichigo and the like…
"Excuse me, are you Luffy?" inquired a bespectacled stranger.
"Yes…why do you ask?" questioned Luffy.
"My name is Uryu. I couldn't help but notice that you happen to be slaying Hollows, have you not?" asked Uryu.
"Yes, I have. Why do you ask?" inquired the pirate.
"Well, I happen to be a Hollow slayer myself…" said the teenager. Specifically, he could create weapons in order to combat them…such as a bow and an arrow.
"You are?" asked Luffy.
"I challenge you to a Hollow slaying competition…whoever can slay the most Hollows wins…" explained Uryu.
"Why are you challenging me?" questioned the pirate.
"I happen to be a member of the Quincy…the Soul Reapers almost wiped us out quite a time ago…since then, we've been trying to prove our superiority." said Uryu.
"Oh. Sorry to hear that…" sympathized Luffy.
Personally, Uryu didn't think that he needed Luffy's sympathy considering that he and the rest of the Shinigami were the ones who killed his kin.
"We have the ability to detect Hollows using our spiritual awareness…when a Hollow shows up, we're always on the scene…" noted Uryu.
"I wish I could do that…" said Luffy. That would be really cool.
"Well, you can't…though you're lucky enough to be able to fight them." answered Uryu.
At that very moment, Rukia stopped by.
"Who is this individual?" inquired the former Shinigami. She had never seen him before.
"He says his name is Uryu…and he claims to be a Quincy or something like that…" explained the pirate.
"Oh…" answered Rukia. She had heard all about them.
"What do I get if I win?" inquired Luffy.
"Whoever wins gets to enslave the other for a week…" answered Uryu.
"Do I have to wear a slave collar?" asked the pirate.
"What? No no…nothing like that." explained the teenager.
Luffy let out a sigh of relief. He didn't want to be blown up.
"Erm, there might be a problem with that…" said Rukia.
"What's the matter?" inquired Luffy.
"Ever since you defeated Shrieker…there haven't been any Hollows in sight." explained the substitute Shinigami.
As it turned out, they had all mysteriously disappeared. Perhaps they were afraid of Luffy?
"It appears that I've been doing my job well!" exclaimed Luffy. His eyes were closed, he had a wide smile on his face, and he was rubbing the back of his head.
"You certainly have." answered Uryu. Though he wouldn't like to admit it to the Soul Reaper, he was actually pretty impressed. It looked like nobody was going to have their soul eaten anytime soon.
Now that he thought of it, Luffy was rather unusual for a Shinigami. He had never heard of a Shinigami that could stretch themselves like a rubber band. But since the Quincies had negative opinions of them, it is possibly that they decided to lie to him every now and then when he came for information.
Fortunately, he knew how to attract Hollows, as his family happened to fight them regularly.
"Wait…won't attracting Hollows put people in danger?" inquired the pirate.
"Oh, don't worry about them. Worry about yourself." stated Uryu.
Somehow, Luffy wasn't sure that this competition wasn't such a good idea anymore.
But he had already made a bet…so it appeared that there was nothing that they could do.
Immediately, Uryu began to build what appeared to be a stand.
Taking a closer look, Luffy realized what the stand was for. He was currently painting "Free Hollow Barbecue" on the signpost.
Already, he had his first customer.
"You said something about a barbecue?" inquired the Hollow.
"Yes, you're the one who's going to be barbecued." answered Uryu.
"What?" asked the Hollow.
Immediately, Uryu used his powers to fry the unfortunate Hollow with a spiritual flamethrower.
"Why do you take things so literally?" inquired the Hollow as he was sent to Soul Society.
"That should attract a few of them, at least." noted Uryu.
However, it appeared that only a few Hollows had decided to come to the barbecue. Perhaps they were going to have to try something different.
But for now, it was time to get Hollow hunting.
"Here I go!" exclaimed Luffy, punching a Hollow in the mask.
"Not my beautiful mask!" screamed the unfortunate Hollow as it began to crack.
This was going to be a rather interesting competition, to say the very least.
Little did the two Hollow hunters know what they were getting themselves into…
I hope you liked this chapter…and yes, I decided to introduce Uryu before Kon…because I know a bit more about Uryu than I do about that living teddy bear…at least at the moment. Perhaps I should do a bit more research later.
After all, I don't want to make things too much like Bleach, even if this is a parody.
I don't think it will affect the plot much though. You probably know what's going to happen already, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.