One Bleach
In this chapter, Ichigo and Nami are going to get abducted by aliens…oh dear.
Oh, and Luffy's going to get kidnapped by the Marines! And they're going to execute him! It looks like it's time for a rescue mission.
In other news, I just turned twenty-one…now I'm old enough to drink rum. Kind of ironic, don't you think? I'm not really interested in drinking alcohol though. That's not the way I roll.
Chapter 10: Abduction
Ichigo and Nami were both sleeping in bed, unaware of what was about to happen to them.
At that very moment, a strange green light suddenly enveloped their room, waking Nami up.
"Huh? Do you have a nightlight, Ichigo?" questioned Nami.
Ichigo woke up as well.
"What? No, I don't…I stopped sleeping with one since I was five…" explained the Soul Reaper. He got the feeling that his sister Yuzu still slept with one though.
"Then why is the room glowing green?" inquired the teenage pirate girl. Did Ichigo's room get a new paintjob with glow-in-the-dark paint?
For some strange reason, they couldn't help but shake the feeling that something was wrong, and that something bad was going to happen.
At that very moment, they began to fly…right outside the window.
"Why are we flying?" asked Nami.
"I think we're being abducted by aliens…" answered Ichigo. It looked like this was some sort of tractor beam. It was standard for UFOs to be equipped with one, since cranes were for losers.
Sure, they tended to leave behind crop circles…but it was the farmers' problem, not theirs. Was it really such a big deal? They just wanted some of their chickens and cattle. Was that too much to ask?
They wanted to have some chicken and hamburgers, because they were delicious. Om nom nom nom nom.
"Aliens? Do they even exist?" inquired the teenage pirate girl. She was wondering if there was life beyond the stars.
"Apparently." noted the Soul Reaper. He had seen them all the time on TV. They loved trying to conquer planets and the like. Earth was their favorite since they believed that they were no match for their superior technology.
A few minutes later, Ichigo and Nami both found themselves strapped to a table. Also, Ichigo was in his underwear and Nami was dressed up like Lum Invader.
Both of them began to blush. Did the aliens like looking at their bare skin?
"It's awkward seeing you like this…" noted Nami.
"I know…" nodded Ichigo. It was awkward seeing Nami like this too.
What did the aliens want with them, anyway? Were they going to take their organs and sell them on Alien Ebay?
If so, their lives may be in danger…though they doubted the aliens wanted their appendixes. Those were completely useless…and they were going to have appendix scars one day.
Looking around them, they noticed that the inside of the ship was filled with some rather fancy technology. Earth could only wish that they could have that kind of power. How did they get so far ahead of Earth in technology?
Fortunately, there did not appear to be anything in the room that the aliens could use to dissect them with, so it looked like they were safe.
Personally, Nami and Ichigo thought that the government was going to be jealous if they ever found out about all this. But apparently they weren't even aware that the aliens existed…except for the FBI. They just loved that sort of thing.
At that very moment, a few aliens arrived in the room. They were green and had large black eyes, and had pointed ears. Apparently, these aliens did not look different from Earth's perception of them.
"Haven't I seen you on TV?" asked Ichigo.
The aliens shrugged. They had never tried watching Earth's programming before. Maybe they should…it would probably make them laugh.
But since the aliens had different tastes than the humans, maybe that could wait for now.
"What do you want from us?" inquired Nami. She was worried that their brains were going to end up in jars.
"We want you to make out…" explained one of the aliens.
"You can speak English?" asked Ichigo. He was a bit surprised that they could do so, though it wasn't implausible that they had been studying Earth before they decided to pay the Earthlings a visit.
"Yes…we found an alien to English dictionary…" continued another alien.
Immediately, he pulled out a dictionary. Nami wondered if there was a reverse dictionary like that somewhere.
"Um…okay…" said Nami.
Immediately, several tentacles grabbed onto Nami and Ichigo and started to bring them closer together, undoing the straps in the process.
"This keeps getting better and better..." thought Nami sarcastically.
They then forced Ichigo and Nami to give each other a kiss, much to their embarrassment.
And to add insult to injury, the aliens were filming this using their state-of-the-art cameras.
However, their abduction did not go unnoticed.
As it turned out, Rukia had noticed what was happening.
"What is going on here?" questioned the Shinigami.
She recalled seeing a green light inside the bedroom, but she wasn't sure where the light had come from. Had Isshin Kurosaki decided that green was his color?
Looking outside, she gasped in shock.
There was a UFO flying in the sky!
Apparently, Ichigo and Nami had been abducted by aliens…since they were no longer in the rooms.
"Aliens actually exist? Then again I do live in a world full of soul-eating monsters…" noted Rukia.
But how was she going to climb onboard?
Oh wait…that was right…she could jump several feet in the air.
Immediately, she pulled out her katana so that she could fight the aliens.
Admittedly, she had not done such a thing before…but maybe it wasn't that different from fighting Hollows. What did she know?
Immediately, she began to leap towards the spaceship. Of course, she couldn't simply make it crash into the ground as she would probably kill Ichigo and Nami…so it looked like she was going to have to try to infiltrate it.
Fortunately, though the spaceship was apparently made from state-of-the-art technology, Rukia could still cut through it with her blade.
She was surprised what she could cut with it to be honest. Maybe that was one of the perks of being a Shinigami.
Immediately, she entered the ship and began to look for Ichigo and Nami.
However, she was spotted by aliens…and they had laser guns.
Fortunately, she could deflect the laser shots using her katana, so it looked like it wouldn't be too hard for her to defend herself.
She did not want to end up abducted, just like Ichigo and Nami were. What could the aliens be doing to them? Were they being dissected?
She hoped that she wasn't too late to save them.
Immediately, she burst into the room where Ichigo and Nami were held…
…and gasped in surprise.
There were Ichigo and Nami, sitting in a tree…K-I-S-S-I-N-G…
Well, minus the sitting in a tree part.
"Ichigo? What is going on here?" inquired Rukia.
As soon as the aliens saw Rukia, they…leapt overboard.
"It's not what it looks like!" exclaimed Ichigo.
"What's going on here then?" questioned Rukia.
"The aliens forced us to kiss each other on the lips so that they could videotape it and post it on Youtube…" explained Nami.
"OK…" said the Shinigami. That was rather strange.
Immediately, she released Ichigo and Nami from their bonds so that they could whatever they wanted…including make out some more.
"That wasn't what I was expecting my first kiss to be…" noted Ichigo.
"Me too." answered Nami.
But on the plus side, Ichigo happened to be a rather decent kisser. Perhaps that was why the aliens decided to abduct him?
Fortunately, they managed to find the controls to the tractor beam, which they used so that they didn't end up pancakes trying to escape from the ship.
"That was an out-of-world experience…literally." noted Ichigo.
"Who would have thought that the aliens liked to see humans making out?" questioned Nami.
"What planet were they from, anyway?" asked Rukia.
Ichigo and Nami shrugged. Maybe they were from Mars?
"Wait…we left our clothes in the spaceship!" exclaimed Nami.
"Actually, I was dressed like this when the aliens abducted me…" noted Ichigo.
Nami sweatdropped.
"If it makes you feel any better, I think you look nice in that outfit." said the substitute Shinigami.
Nami began to blush.
"Thank you…" stated the pirate girl.
Suddenly, she began to shiver.
"Did the aliens really have to dress me up in this kind of outfit in the middle of the night?" asked Nami.
Ichigo began to shiver as well.
"We better get you inside…" said Rukia.
Ichigo and Nami went inside so that they wouldn't become icicles. Their teeth were chattering already.
However, they wondered if they would end up encountering the aliens again.
Meanwhile in Luffy's world…
"I'm so glad to have our ship back!" exclaimed Luffy.
"Me too." nodded Orihime.
"Nothing could spoil our day now!" bellowed Sanji.
Of course, after they said that, something bad happened.
As it turned out, it was the marines.
"Not them again! What did they want this time?" asked Usopp.
Suddenly, a lasso wrapped itself around Luffy.
"What the-" said Zoro.
"Aah!" screamed Luffy as he was pulled onboard the ship.
"Luffy!" bellowed Orihime.
Unfortunately, it appeared that Luffy had been kidnapped.
"What do you want from me?" asked Luffy as the marines tied him up…even though he was not into that sort of thing.
"You've racked up quite a bounty over the last few weeks…so we're here to collect." said a voice.
As it turned out, Luffy had been captured by Vice Admiral Smoker…who unsurprisingly was smoking a cigarette.
"Aren't those bad for your lungs?" inquired Luffy.
"My lungs are made of titanium…I can handle it." explained Smoker.
"If you say so." answered the pirate.
"Right then…we'll be sending you to town so that you can be hanged…" said Vice-Admiral Smoker.
"Nooooooo!" screamed Luffy. He was too young to die! And he was sure that his fangirls were inclined to agree.
Well, at least he would get to meet the Legendary Pirate King himself. Now that he thought of it…didn't he get executed for his crimes himself?
It was a bit of a shame really…he would appreciate it if someone told him where the legendary treasure was.
But perhaps nobody would ever know, and the treasure would sit there for the rest of time.
"Off we go." said Captain Smoker as Luffy was imprisoned onboard their ship. Then again, it wasn't like he could simply jump overboard and swim his way to safety…since, you know, he was a Devil Fruit user.
As the marines left with their prisoner, the Straw Hat Pirates began to argue who should be the new captain…and what they should do next. They were going to have to come up with a plan to rescue him, or everyone was going to know why they had a skull on their pirate flag with a straw hat on it.
Unfortunately, it appeared that without Luffy keeping them together the Straw Hat Pirates were going down a whirlpool.
As it turned out, Luffy's hat had fallen off his head when he had been captured.
"I think I should be the new captain…I've been here longer than the rest of you…" said Zoro.
"I should be the captain! I'm the one who cooks all the meals on this ship…" pointed out Sanji.
"Well, I'm the best shot here…" pointed out Usopp.
"I'm the one who's good with a blade…" answered Zoro.
"If it weren't for me you'd all have starved to death by now…" said Sanji.
"If it weren't for me you'd never be able to win a gunfight!" exclaimed Usopp.
"If it weren't for me you'd never be able to win a swordfight…" pointed out Zoro.
Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp continued arguing, unaware of the fact that the more they argued, the further the Marines were getting away from them.
However, Orihime managed to put an end to the fighting.
"Um, listen…I don't think we should fight. The more time we spend arguing, the farther Luffy gets away from us…and I don't want him to die!" exclaimed Orihime.
Realizing that this was true, Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp decided to put an end to the fighting.
"We need to rescue Luffy before it's too late…I think the marines mentioned something about him being hanged!" exclaimed Orihime.
The male members of the Straw Hat Pirates (except for Luffy, of course) nodded. They wanted their captain to live another day.
"Apparently they want to collect the massive bounty on his head…they'd basically be drowning in money if they caught him…" noted Orihime.
Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp nodded once again.
Immediately, they picked up Luffy's hat and put it on Orihime's head.
"Huh? You're making me your captain?" inquired Orihime.
"You're the only one who we could all agree on…" explained Zoro.
"I suppose that makes sense…" nodded the teenage girl.
Personally, they wondered where they could possibly be taking Luffy. Perhaps there was a marine base nearby?
She was under the impression that they would go to the nearest one…it would be a lot more convenient to them that way.
Immediately, she began to check the map.
Sure enough, there was a marine base nearby.
Apparently, that was the ideal place to check for Luffy. He had to be in there somewhere.
Hopefully they would be there before he got hanged. How many pirates had already been executed by the marines, anyway? They certainly seemed to be doing their jobs as of late.
She certainly didn't want to hang out with them, to say the very least. It didn't seem like a particularly pleasant way to go, being executed in public for all the eyes to see. They were even passing out popcorn nowadays, complete with delicious butter.
Maybe if Luffy was unlucky people would then take his corpse and hang it out in the ocean for people to see. That would be a pretty good way to make people not want to become pirates in the future.
Talk about crushing people's morale. Would anyone end up collecting the treasure of the legendary pirate king?
Personally she hoped that they could past the marines that were inevitably guarding the marine base. Just how well-defended was it anyway?
They might have their work cut out for them…
…but Orihime wanted to save Luffy or die trying…whether it was the former or the latter.
Immediately, she used the steering wheel and headed towards the marine base.
In the world of Shinigami (or Bleach, or Hollows, or whatever, whatever you would like to call it)…
After that rather bizarre experience, Ichigo and Nami were rather to start a brand new day.
At that very moment, Yuzu entered the room.
"Hello, Ichigo! How are you doing?" asked Yuzu.
"Um, hi?" inquired Ichigo.
"Brother, why are you in your underwear?" inquired the preteen girl. She was under the impression that he would be dressed differently.
"I forgot my pajamas…" explained the teenage boy. Where were they?
At that very moment, Nami crawled out from under the bed.
Curious, Yuzu wondered why she was dressed that way.
"Why are you wearing a strapless tiger stripe bikini and high heels?" asked Yuzu. That outfit seemed a bit…skimpy.
She doubted that she would ever wear an outfit like that…even if she decided to go to the beach. Perhaps Karin would be interested, but what did she know?
"I got abducted by aliens…and they dressed me up like this…" explained Nami.
"They did?" inquired the preteen girl. That didn't make a lot of sense.
Nami nodded. It was rather embarrassing. Who would have thought that the space aliens were interested in that sort of thing?
"Oddly enough there were aliens in this comic book I was reading…" said Yuzu.
Ichigo raised an eyebrow.
Immediately, he went to take a look.
As it turned out, the aliens in the comic somewhat resembled the ones that had abducted him and Nami. It was really weird.
Was it some sort of coincidence? Or had Yuzu used her Quincy powers to bring them to life? If it was the latter, Ichigo might want to have a talk with her later.
Either way, it looked like they needed to get ready for school. Judging from what had happened to them, had any other students been abducted by aliens recently?
Maybe they should warn them…if they believed what they had to say. More likely they would think that they had gone bonkers.
On the other hand, who wouldn't notice a giant UFO? Perhaps they should alert the FBI and tell them about their rather bizarre encounter with the aliens.
It was a shame that they couldn't be more like E.T the Extraterrestial. He must be the most innocent alien in the history of ever…though they wondered why exactly he had such a long neck.
Immediately, they sat outside on the bus stop…after getting dressed of course. Why would they want to go to school in their underwear? That would probably make the students die of laughter…unless they went fanboy and fangirl.
Oddly enough, none of the students seemed to have been abducted by aliens recently. They were all behaving perfectly normal.
Well, except for Chizuru…oddly enough, she seemed to be going straight, as she was flirting with boys now.
Curious, Nami and Ichigo decided to ask her on the subject.
"Why are you going straight?" inquired Ichigo. Was she bisexual?
"I thought you were a lesbian…" stated Nami. Then again, considering that Chizuru seemed wildly attracted to her, perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing.
"I got abducted by aliens yesterday…they made me make out with another girl nonstop…I was exhausted. I never wanted to kiss another girl again…" explained Chizuru.
"I suppose that makes sense…" nodded Ichigo.
"I got visited by an alien too…" said Tatsuki. What was up with the world these days?
"You did? What was that like?" questioned Nami.
"Well…" answered Tatsuki.
Tatsuki was in her house with a rather long-necked alien. Her parents were not home at the moment, so they had the house for themselves.
Suddenly, the alien stretched out his arm.
"I'll be right here…" said the alien, touching Tatsuki's chest.
"Actually, you'll be behind bars for sexual harassment." stated Tatsuki, unhappy that the alien was such a pervert.
Immediately, she pulled out the phone so that she could call the authorities and arrest the alien's behind. She hoped that the jury would throw the books at him.
"Are you phoning home?" asked the alien.
"I already am home!" exclaimed Tatsuki.
"Are you calling the pizza man?" questioned the extraterrestrial.
Tatsuki rolled her eyes.
"That must have been a crazy experience…" acknowledged Ichigo.
"It certainly was." nodded Tatsuki.
Personally she wondered what had gotten into the aliens these days. Up until now they mostly seemed to keep to themselves.
Perhaps things would eventually go back to normal…but considering that Ichigo was unlocking the spiritual abilities that were secretly inside them this whole time, maybe not.
Ichigo…was a rather interesting character.
"If you need me I'm going to buy a telescope to keep an eye out for more aliens…" said Tatsuki.
"That seems like a good idea." nodded Nami.
Personally she wondered if the aliens had already abducted Orihime. That would explain…a lot.
And yet somehow she thought that there was a different reason behind her disappearance. What could it possibly be?
She wished she knew so that she could go look for her. It wasn't the same with her best friend being gone.
Meanwhile at the marine base…
After docking their ship, the marines took Luffy and locked him inside a prison cell, which turned out to be quite squalid. There was a puddle of filthy-looking water inside the cell…and there was even a skeleton. Did someone forget to feed him?
"What's that smell?" asked Luffy, covering his nose.
Curious, he looked around and noticed that there were a few other pirates in the cell as well. Apparently, he wasn't the first to be caught, and he wasn't going to be the last.
He felt rather sorry for them, especially considering that he was in the same situation as they were in.
"What are you are in for?" inquired the pirate captain.
"I peed on their carpet…" explained the pirate.
"Their carpet?" asked Luffy.
"I really needed to go!" bellowed the pirate prisoner.
Luffy sweatdropped. Personally he was under the impression that he would be in that cell for something bigger than that.
"Anyone else?" asked Luffy.
"I got locked in here because I made a marine walk the plank…" said an imprisoned pirate captain.
Personally, Luffy wondered if he should get a plank for that sort of thing…but he didn't feel like doing that to anyone…not anyone he knew, anyway.
Maybe he was too nice to be a pirate captain.
"I'm in here because I punched my wife in the face…" explained another pirate.
"Why did you do that?" asked Luffy.
"She mixed up her underwear with mine…I got stuck wearing ladies' underwear in front of my crewmates." explained the unfortunate pirate.
"OK…" said the elastic man. That must have been embarrassing.
Now that he knew why the other pirates were locked in here, he wondered if he should try asking them something else.
"So…how long have you been in locked in here?" asked Luffy.
"A hundred years!" bellowed the pirate captain.
"A hundred years?!" screeched the pirate.
"Oh, wait…not a hundred years…about a hundred days…" explained the captain.
"Oh…" said Luffy.
He hoped that the Straw Hat Pirates would come and rescue him. He could count on them…
…right?
I hoped you liked this chapter…and yes, I decided to parody alien abduction…heh heh.
In the next chapter, Orihime and the others are going to try to rescue Luffy, and Nami's going to take on another Hollow…
Won't that be fun?