One Bleach

In this chapter, Nami's going up against Numb Chandelier…who unfortunately happens to have a lot of tentacles. Not good.

Oh, and Orihime's going to try to rescue Luffy…surprisingly, she's turning out to be Luffy's knight in shining armor despite not being in an environment that she's familiar with. Funny how that works, eh? On the other hand, only one of them happens to be a rather decent swimmer when One Piece has more water than reality…

Enjoy the show…and I hope you like the chapter title I came up with. Heh heh.

Chapter 11: Cthulhu's Girlfriend

Nami slew another Hollow, breaking its mask and sending it to the Soul Society.

"You know, I'm starting to see why you slay Hollows all the time, Ichigo…this is actually kind of enjoyable…" noted Nami.

"Mm-hmm…not only that, but I think I've recovered half of my power already…" explained Ichigo.

"Really? That's awfully convenient…" answered the teenage Shinigami.

Ichigo nodded.

Hopefully he would be back to full power soon. He was a bit worried about Nami, even if she seemed to be doing well.

But he supposed that Nami probably wouldn't want to quit even if he did recover his full power. So maybe it wasn't so bad that he had transferred his powers to her after all.

Still, he wondered how long it would be until he restored full power. Even if he still had half his power left, he could still be vulnerable to particularly strong Hollows.

But perhaps he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Suddenly, he noticed his sisters Karin and Yuzu, who were slaying Hollows as well.

"How are you doing?" inquired Ichigo.

"Pretty good." nodded Karin.

"We've slain about a dozen Hollows so far…" answered Yuzu.

"Really?" inquired the teenage Soul Reaper. He didn't know that the duo had it in them. Then again, they did seem a lot stronger when they were together.

"To be fair…we're slaying some of the smaller ones…" explained Karin.

Ichigo shrugged. It was still rather impressive that they could slay Hollows in the first place. Ordinary people couldn't even see them, leaving them off-guard when they decided to strike.

Personally Nami was hoping that she would get the chance to take down a big Hollow like she had done earlier. Maybe opportunity would come knocking on the door.

But for now, it looked like she was just going to have to kill the smaller ones before they started eating people's souls for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Wouldn't want any poor chaps to get hurt now.

At least Rukia seemed to be doing her job pretty well. At this rate the Hollows were going to pack up and move out of town. She was just that good.

How respected was she back at Soul Society, anyway? Was she one of their top agents?

If so, Ichigo wouldn't be surprised…though he got the feeling that there were stronger Shinigami out there. Who was their leader, anyway? He wanted to know already.

Now that he thought of it, wasn't his father a Shinigami? Perhaps he should ask him some questions…like why he decided to marry a Quincy when he and the rest of the Shinigami were enemies. It was rather…strange.

Why exactly would a Shinigami fall in love with a Quincy?

Well, maybe he could ask his father those questions once he got back from school. He wouldn't want to have to miss out, after all.

Oddly enough becoming a Soul Reaper didn't seem to have changed his grades too much. Perhaps he was lucky like that.

Still, he was wondering if there was a day that he would ever get to retire. He was starting to get worried that one day a Hollow was going to eat his soul.

But if his mother was willing to sacrifice herself for him, maybe he should be willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. It seemed rather appropriate. Besides, he didn't want anyone else to end up like his mother. Stupid Hollows and their endless hunger.

However, he was wondering if he would encounter the Hollow that devoured his mother one day. It's possible that all the Hollow slaying he did as of late would end up attracting his attention…and then he might end up in trouble.

He would probably have to cross that bridge when he came to it.

Immediately, he and Nami set on the bus stop along with Rukia so that they could wait for the bus.

Hopefully it wouldn't take too long. They didn't like it when they had to play the waiting game. Their teachers were expecting them.

However, they did not have to wait long.

But at the same time, there appeared to be something wrong with their bus dirver today.

"Hello there you ninja monkeys…" said the bus driver in slurred speech.

"Oh great! Our bus driver is drunk!" exclaimed Nami.

"This cannot be good for anybody." answered Rukia.

Immediately, Ichigo picked up their bus driver and put him in one of the seats so that he didn't crash their bus.

Curious, the other students wondered what was going on.

"Look at all the space alligators!" exclaimed the bus driver.

That sentence answered their question.

"Why would the bus driver want to take us to school drunk?" asked one of the students.

"He's going to get fired!" exclaimed another student.

"I guess that's what you get when the bus company decides to send in a substitute…" noted Rukia.

"Who's going to take us to school now?" inquired Nami.

"Well, I have a driver's permit…" said Rukia.

"I guess you're going to have to drive us there then…" answered Ichigo.

Fortunately, Rukia was able to get the trio as well as everyone else to school on time…though in the process she drove through the local McDonalds…literally.

"I am not loving this!" exclaimed Ronald McDonald.

"Sorry, Ronald." apologized Rukia. She would probably have to pay for that later.

"At least we got free Happy Meals…" noted Ichigo.

"Mmm…my favorite…" said Nami.

Fortunately, the teacher was not aware of what the trio had accidentally done…even though they had some ketchup on them.

"Why are you covered in ketchup?" asked the teacher.

"We had an accident during breakfast?" asked Rukia.

"Alright." said the teacher. Personally she had a hankering for McDonalds all of a sudden.

However, she heard that they had an accident recently. What was going on?

Immediately, Rukia, Ichigo, and Nami sat down in their seats. Personally Ichigo thought it was kind of funny that there were two girls sitting next to him.

But he supposed if they were happy, he was happy too.

Let's check on the Straw Hat Pirates now…

The Straw Hat Pirates arrived at the marine base, ready to rescue Luffy from certain doom.

Quickly, they noticed that there was a sign right next to the base.

It showed a picture of a pirate…as well as a No Sign crossing him out.

"I don't think they're going to be happy that they're receiving visitors…" acknowledged Orihime.

Zoro shook his head. It looked like they were going to have to be careful.

Sure enough, there were several marines guarding the base.

Perhaps they needed to find a way to shake in…otherwise the Straw Hat Pirates would probably find themselves at the gallows along with Luffy.

Granted, their bounties were all lower than his, but they still didn't want to take that risk.

"What should we do, captain?" inquired Sanji.

"I'm thinking…I'm thinking…" said Orihime.

Suddenly, she had an idea.

Immediately, she pounced on one of the marines…and the rest followed suit.

They then stole their clothing so that they could dress up like them. Marine outfits were really chic these days.

"You know…these marines are awfully sexy in their underwear…" noted Orihime.

"Orihime, we need to stay focused." pointed out Sanji.

"These outfits make me wish that I were a marine…but I guess I'm on the opposite side of the law." acknowledged Usopp.

Sanji nodded.

Carefully, they began to sneak their way through the ship.

As they did so, Orihime noticed a sandwich a marine had left on the table, and began to eat it.

"This sandwich tastes awfully delicious…" pointed out Orihime.

"You can eat later on my ship." answered Sanji.

"I know that!" exclaimed the teenage girl.

"Can we hurry up and rescue Luffy? I'm worried that the marines have executed him already…" pointed out Zoro.

If so, they were going to have to give him a proper funeral…and they might not even be able to do so with his body.

What a tragedy that would be.

"I thought planning executions took time…" answered Orihime.

"Well, time in not our side as of now." said Sanji.

"If only it was." stated the teenage girl.

Immediately, the Straw Hat Pirates began to search for their abducted captain.

Sure enough, there was a sign saying "This Way To Our Prison!" Apparently the marines didn't want any of their fresh recruits to get lost in their base.

It made sense considering how large it was.

"I guess that's where we should look…" acknowledged the pirate girl. Would they find Luffy in one of their cells?

Sanji nodded. Perhaps they should have looked for something like that earlier.

They followed the sign, and sure enough, they made their way towards the prison.

Several pirates were in the jail cells, and they wondered if they should try to rescue them as well.

Oddly enough, there did not seem to be any prison guards in the prison at the moment. Perhaps it was their day off?

Well, it looked like today was their lucky day.

Using the keys the guards had left behind, the Straw Hat Pirates began to free the pirates.

"Thanks…we needed that. Maybe we should start a new life now…" noted one of the freed pirates.

"Have you seen a pirate that looks like a monkey?" asked Orihime.

"The marines took him away for his execution…" noted the pirate.

"Oh no! We're too late!" exclaimed the teenage girl.

"Where are they taking him?" asked Zoro.

"The exact same place where the marines executed the pirate king…" explained the former prisoner.

"I know where that is…I guess we better get going…" noted Sanji.

"By the way, I found this in my prison cell…I think one of the marines left it behind…" said the pirate.

Immediately, he handed the Straw Hat Pirates a gas mask.

Orihime decided to keep it. It might be useful later…even if it made her look like a dork.

However, as they were prepared to leave the prison, they suddenly found themselves being ambushed.

"Those are the pirates that stripped us down to our underwear!" exclaimed one of the marines that had an unfortunate encounter with them earlier.

"You sick perverts! We're locking you up forever and a day!" bellowed an angry marine officer.

"We might be in trouble…" acknowledged Orihime.

"We're going to have to fight our way out…are you ready?" asked Zoro.

Orihime nodded.

Immediately, the Straw Hat Pirates prepared to fight for their freedom…and by extension Luffy's. It was a shame that they didn't show up here earlier.

One of the marines activated an alarm, signifying that pirates had escaped.

"Now we've really lost the element of surprise…" acknowledged Usopp.

"Where did we put our earmuffs?" asked Orihime.

Personally Zoro wondered if they should have brought some.

Immediately, Orihime prepared her spiritual powers, Zoro unsheathed his sword, Usopp loaded his gun, and Sanji pulled out his…frying pan.

Hopefully they would be able to save Luffy despite this unfortunate setback. Who would have thought that they would take him where the Pirate King was executed?

Orihime particular wasn't sure that she was cut out to be a pirate captain…even if the Straw Hat Pirates thought that she made a good leader.

The sooner they rescued Luffy, the better, she supposed. It looked like she was going to be his knight in shining armor…again!

It felt kind of funny.

At Karakura High School…

"C'mon, I want to slay a powerful Hollow already…" murmured Nami.

Fortunately, she got her chance as soon as she left from school.

Suddenly, she noticed Tatsuki and Chizuru, who were frightened about something.

"What's the matter?" inquired Nami.

"There's a Hollow in one of the classrooms! She wants to eat our souls!" exclaimed Tatsuki.

"How strong is she?" asked the teenage girl.

"Strong enough to destroy an entire classroom! Just look at all the desks in the hallways!" bellowed Chizuru.

"Huh?" asked Nami.

Sure enough, there seemed to be a bunch of damaged desks in the hallways leading to the Hollow.

"Perfect! I've been waiting for an opportunity like this!" bellowed the pirate girl. Finally she got the opportunity to really test her school.

And incidentally, it was in the exact same place that she had fought Ms. Twilight. Strangely enough, she did not ever recall her appearing in the Bleach manga. Perhaps she was an original character?

Oh well. If the author wanted to add his own humor to the story, then she was fine with it. She did wish that she didn't have to literally drive through the local McDonalds just to get to class on time though.

Curious, she followed the desks to the classroom that Tatsuki and Chizuru had mentioned. It was glowing black, much like when she had went Hollow hunting earlier.

"What Hollow is it this time?" asked Nami.

As it turned out, this Hollow happened to have tentacles on her mask. It was kind of weird.

"Well, this seems rather appropriate considering that I used to be a pirate…" noted the teenage pirate.

Speaking of which, when was she going to get to see her loyal crewmates again?

"Perfect! I've been looking for another soul…I just love the taste of teenage girls!" exclaimed the Hollow.

"OK…" said Nami. Apparently, this was another named Hollow.

"What is your name?"

"My name? It's Numb Chandelier!" exclaimed Numb Chandelier.

"But you don't look anything like a chandelier…" pointed out Nami.

"Maybe I should talk with Tite Kubo about that…" noted the female Hollow.

Nami shrugged.

Immediately, Nami swung her sword at Numb Chandelier. Much to her pleasant surprise, Numb Chandelier blocked it with her tentacle.

"Perfect! I was hoping that you wouldn't go down with one shot like all the other Hollows…" noted Nami.

"Don't be ridiculous! I eat those Hollow for breakfast, literally!" exclaimed Numb Chandelier.

"You're a cannibal?" asked Nami.

"What can I say? Human souls weren't just doing it for me anymore…though I still eat human souls occasionally." explained the jellyfish Hollow.

"Well, jellyfish do eat fish eggs…" acknowledged the teenage girl.

Nami and Numb Chandelier continued fighting, Numb Chandelier using her tentacles to parry Nami's shots.

However, Nami eventually managed to cut off one of Numb Chandelier's tentacles, wounding her.

"Score one for Nami!" exclaimed Nami.

"I could use a little help here…" noted Numb Chandelier.

At that very moment, the school janitor came in.

"Let's see now…what's this? This classroom appears to be haunted…maybe I should get my vacuum…" noted the janitor.

"Well, speak of the devil!" exclaimed the Hollow.

"You sure you're not the devil?" asked Nami.

Numb Chandelier shrugged.

Suddenly, Numb Chandelier fired seeds from her mask at the janitor, bringing him under her control.

They took control of his body, and he suddenly began to swing his mop at Nami.

"What the-" exclaimed Nami.

"I must clean the building…" said the mesmerized janitor.

Immediately, he grabbed Nami by the hair and proceeded to dunk her head in his bucket. Apparently, he was now trying to drown her.

However, since he was a fairly old man, he could not keep hold of her for long, and he found himself with a bucket on his head for his trouble.

"Get it off! Get it off!" bellowed the janitor.

Blinded, he ran into a wall and knocked himself out cold.

Nami then cut off another one of Numb Chandelier's tentacles, injuring her once again.

"Not bad…but there are plenty more victims where that came from!" exclaimed Numb Chandelier.

Immediately, she began to fly away.

"Get back here and fight me like a woman!" exclaimed Nami.

Quickly, she pursued Numb Chandelier.

However, as it turned out, she had taken control of several nerds.

"Stop her!" demanded Numb Chandelier.

Immediately, the nerds began to poke Nami with their pencils.

"Ouch! Quit it!" demanded the teenage girl.

However, they quickly stopped when they realized that they were attacking an attractive female.

"Wait, what are we doing?" asked the leader of the nerds.

"Oh my gosh! Please forgive us!" exclaimed another nerd.

"Do you want to go on a date?" asked yet another nerd.

Nami began to blush.

"I'm going to have to cut you a rain check…" said the teenage girl.

All of a sudden, it began to rain.

"Very funny, narrator." stated the Soul Reaper.

Quickly, the nerds ran into the school so that they wouldn't get wet.

Nami then cut off yet another one of Numb Chandelier's tentacles, causing her to scream. If she lost all six of her tentacles, she was a goner…and she only had three left.

"So much for relying on them…but I've got a better idea." said Numb Chandelier.

This time, she flew towards the football field.

"Now what is she up too?" asked Nami.

Curious, she followed her towards the field, and discovered what she was planning.

As it turned out, she had taken control of the entire football team.

"Uh-oh…" said the teenage girl.

Incidentally, Numb Chandelier was now wearing a hat…that apparently belonged to the couch.

She blew a whistle, and the football team began to tackle her.

"Get off me!" demanded Nami.

Suddenly, Nami noticed that there was a football nearby. Frantically, she freed one of her arms and went to grab it.

Fortunately, she managed to do so.

She then proceeded to toss the football right next to the goal.

Immediately, the football team went to retrieve the football, freeing Nami in the process.

"Maybe I should become a football player…" noted the pirate.

Frustrated, Numb Chandelier immediately removed the hat and the whistle.

Nami then cut off yet another tentacle. Just two more to go.

"What should I do now? I'm running out of options…" acknowledged Numb Chandelier.

Suddenly, she and Nami began to hear voices.

"Way to go, Nami!" exclaimed Tatsuki.

"You can do this!" cheered Chizuru.

As it turned out, her friends had decided to cheer her on.

Unfortunately, this gave Numb Chandelier an idea.

Nami quickly realized what she was planning, and began to glare at her.

"You wouldn't dare…" said the teenage girl.

"Yes, I would dare." retorted Numb Chandelier.

This time, Tatsuki and Chizuru fell victim to Numb Chandelier's mind-controlling seeds.

Suddenly, Tatsuki grabbed onto Nami's arms.

"Hey! Let go of me!" exclaimed Nami.

Chizuru then proceeded to grope her, causing Nami to wonder if she should get a restraining order.

"You're a real pervert…" noted the teenage girl.

Numb Chandelier laughed in delight.

However, Numb Chandelier's plan had a flaw. Since they happened to be her friends, Nami also happened to know their weaknesses.

"Hey, Chizuru!" exclaimed Nami.

"What?" asked Chizuru.

"There's a half-naked lady on the football field…" said the teenage girl.

"Where?!" exclaimed the bespectacled lesbian.

This gave Nami the opportunity to pick up Tatsuki and toss her at Chizuru, knocking them both out cold.

Nami then cut off yet another one of Numb Chandelier's tentacles.

"Just one more to go…" said Nami.

Getting desperate, Numb Chandelier decided to do what she personally thought that she should have done earlier.

This time, she launched her seeds directly at Nami.

"What the-" exclaimed Nami.

Fortunately, due to her quick reflexes, it only hit her in her right arm.

However, this caused her arm to start punching her in the face.

"Cut that out!" demanded Nami, trying to keep her arm under control with her left arm.

"Now I've got you…" said Numb Chandelier.

"C'mon…stop…punching…me…in…the…face!" exclaimed Nami.

Suddenly, her arm stopped punching her in the face.

"Huh?" asked the teenage girl.

Numb Chandelier gasped in shock. Nobody had ever broken free from her mind control before!

It looked like she was going to have to wrap things up quickly.

This time, she hit Nami on the head with her bulb seeds, much like she tried to do earlier.

"Oh no…" murmured Nami. This was bad.

"Now, all I have to do is make her kill herself…" thought Numb Chandelier.

Quickly, she decided how she was going to do that.

"Nami, you have dishonored the way of the Shinigami…you must commit seppuku!" exclaimed the female Hollow.

Shocked that she had done such a terrible thing, Nami decided that she would do just that.

Immediately, she began to move her blade with her stomach.

"Yes…finish this!" exclaimed Numb Chandelier.

"I'm ashamed to call myself a samurai now…" noted Nami.

"You should be! Kill yourself already!" exclaimed the Hollow.

Nami moved her blade towards her stomach, ready to finish the job…

…but at the last minute, she remembered something important.

"Wait a minute! I'm not a samurai! I'm a pirate!" bellowed Nami.

"Wh-what?!" exclaimed Numb Chandelier.

This sudden revelation snapped her out of the mind control.

Before Numb Chandelier could take control of her body again, Nami cut off the last tentacle and finished the job.

"Noooooooo!" screamed Numb Chandelier as her mask began to crack.

"Nooooooo? Can't you come up with something more original than that?" asked Nami.

"I'm sushi!" screeched the unfortunate Hollow.

"That's better." answered the teenage girl.

Numb Chandelier's mask shattered, and she was off to visit the Grim Reaper.

Nami let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps she should have been more careful what she had wished for.

But at least she had something that she could brag about to Ichigo.

Immediately, she went to visit him.

However, much to her surprise, he was leaving his house for the time being. In fact, so were his sisters and his father.

Also, Ichigo appeared to be holding some flowers. So was his sister Yuzu.

"Where are you going?" asked Nami.

"I'm off to visit my mother…" answered Ichigo.

"Your mother? Is she a nice lady?" stated the teenage girl.

"She was a nice lady…" corrected the teenage boy.

"Oh…" realized Nami.

"Yeah…she died when I was younger…and when my sisters were about four…" explained the teenage Shinigami.

"I know how that feels…" said the teenage girl. She had also lost her mother was she was younger.

"I guess we're in the same boat then…" noted Ichigo.

Nami nodded.

"If you want you can come with…it's not a long drive to the cemetery…" pointed out the Shinigami.

"Alright." agreed the pirate.

Immediately, she stepped into the car and sat next to Ichigo's sisters. Ichigo decided to sit next to his father.

Somehow, he thought that visiting his dead mother was going to be a bit different this time…but he wasn't quite sure why.

Maybe it was just his imagination.

I hoped you like this chapter...but in the next one, things are going to get a bit darker. Why you may ask? The Grand Fisher is going to show up. Remember him? You probably should.

We're also going to get to see whether Luffy gets saved or not…though you probably know the answer to that already.