Chapter Four
Unveiled
The taste of sake, the sake that had bonded her to a man, still lingered in her tongue as Kakashi led her away from the place of the ceremony, not touching her, only with the looming weight of him at her back. Their friends cheered them on, their movements too stiff and uncertain, trying to hide how uncomfortable and out of place everything was with over-the-top mocking delight.
Sakura was regretting ever allowing Ino to pull her into this mess of a wedding and it was only made worse when they finally stepped into the garden of the Hokage Tower. Even Kakashi stumbled beside her.
It was the most beautiful reception Sakura had ever been in and she had been to the Hyuga heiress and hero of the Fourth Shinobi War wedding. Paper lanterns hang over the falling branches of the pine trees, giving an ethereal glow to the secluded garden, flickering warmth over the blue and white tones of the flowers and deepening the greens of the leaves surrounding them.
The garden was already beautiful, one of Sakura's favourites in Konoha, but Ino had arranged everything so it only intensified that beauty, so it enriched it to perfection.
This was a wedding prepared for a couple ready to face the world together and ignite it with their love. It wasn't a wedding for two people, a former sensei and a former student, forced into a breeding program.
It was a lie, a mocking, cruel lie.
And still the lingering bitter taste of sake spelled the truth, as did the piece of paper Sakura and Kakashi had signed and imbibed with their chakra.
Sakura was a married woman.
Sakura was married to Hatake Kakashi.
She hadn't let her mind spiral out of control, tugging her heart with it, during the ceremony. It had passed above her and her body moved as it was asked to move, her tongue shaping the words it needed to shape, but not for one second had Sakura been present, not for one second had she let anything settle deeper than the surface of her skin.
With each step into the garden and under those paper lanterns, the control over her pieces was crumbling, their shape melting in her hands, cold and burning like ice, and she couldn't hold them together.
"Sit down, Sakura." She heard Kakashi say as his hand pressed down on her shoulders, the first touch from him that night and it burned through her. Her body yielded to the force, all her being focussed on taking deep full breaths that smelt of the sweetness of flowers and the warmth of burning candles.
His face was in line with hers as he kneeled, concerned eyes fixed on her own. "Do you want to drink something?"
"Not sake." She didn't think she could ever drink sake again without it rising back like bile into her throat. Kakashi stood and her hand shot up to his sleeve. "Wait."
He looked down to where she was holding him before meeting her gaze with gentle expectant eyes.
"Call Ino here and tell her I need to go to the bathroom."
Thankfully no one thought too much of two girl friends visiting the bathroom together and Sakura could breathe more easily when all the eyes weren't scrapping down her skin.
Once she was sitting on the toilet lid, Ino offered her a glass of water, which Sakura took even if she never brought it up to her lips. Her friend squatted, hands on Sakura's knees, and patiently waited until she took back the hold of her pieces.
When the lump in her throat loosened and the churns in her stomach eased, Sakura could finally lift her head up.
"It's a lie, Ino, it's a fake." She whispered.
Her piercingly blue eyes softened at her words and seeing Ino so caring only seemed to tremble like dread through her veins.
"No, it's not, Forehead…" Her fingers pressed down to her leg. "No one is here with the illusion that you two are madly in love. We're here to have fun, we're here to forget like we do at the pub, but with a lot more class." Ino's familiar sly smirk twisted her lips. "I wanted to plan this wedding as an excuse for us to party and dress up while guilt-tripping Tsunade to pay for everything. You don't even have to think of it as your wedding, Sakura. You don't need to act like a bride around us, we're your friends, we'd never ask that of you, okay?"
Her head moved in a slow nod before she could make complete sense of Ino's words, trusting that they had to be true. "Okay…"
Ino was always ruthlessly honest, the trait a double-edged sword in Sakura's chest. But now there only came good from it, just as when it had showed her what Ino saw in that shy lonely little girl. The faith in her constant honesty pulled away the twisted image Sakura's own turmoil had made of the gazes and gestures of everyone around them. She had let herself forget that they were hers and Kakashi's closest friends, people that cared about them and understood the position Konoha had put them in.
"Don't take this wedding too seriously. Just worry about letting go, enjoying it and having fun!"
Sakura nodded again but Ino's excitement still didn't have the power to pierce past the first layer of her.
"Come here." Ino urged as she pulled on her hand and turned her to face the mirror. Her chin rested on Sakura's shoulder as she looked at her through their reflection. "You look beautiful, Sakura. Do you really want to let all my perfect work go to waste?"
Sakura chuckled at Ino's wording and couldn't help but agree. She had always had a gift for bringing the beauty out of things and today's makeup and hair was one of Ino's best. Everything about the wedding was one of her best, as a gesture of love to that teenage girl Ino believed lingered still in Sakura, the one whose deepest dream had been the perfect wedding and the perfect marriage, the perfect bride.
The makeup made Sakura both sexy and ethereal, skin like smooth porcelain, the green of her eyes piercingly alive and her lips soft and plump. Her hair was pinned up with a comb, loose strands of pink hair waving down to frame her face, and the kimono simple, unlike the traditional multi-layered furnace usually worn by brides.
In a way of life where she was constantly elbow deep in blood and grime, it felt especially amazing the small moments when she felt womanly and beautiful, powerful, as if a single look from her could bring men down to their knees.
Sakura shook her head, even if her voice was still reticent, "No…"
Ino's mouth widened into a full smile. "Now…" Her hand dipped into her obi and pulled a small bottle out of the layers of her clothes.
Sakura rolled her eyes, a smile of her own growing on her lips. "Of course there's alcohol hidden in your kimono, Pig."
"A shot." She poured almost four fingers deep of liquid into Sakura's glass and raised the bottle in the air, her eyebrow demanding that Sakura do the same. "To partying with class!"
Sakura quickly downed the entire thing, her throat burning with the bite of it and wince creasing her face. At least it wasn't sake.
Somehow for the next two hours, Sakura always found herself with a full glass of some fruity drink, a dangerous drink that flowed down her throat too smoothly and yet was strong enough to bring a blush to her cheeks. The alcohol helped Sakura follow Ino's advice not to take the wedding too seriously and just let herself have fun as in any other party.
The food was enough to make the wedding worth enduring. And the space so incredibly beautiful, it was easy for Sakura to simply rest her chin on her palm and delight in the quiet September breeze that brought the scent of flowers and warm crispy grass with it.
But what made her heart overflow with joy was how all of their friends seemed to be in an easy-going mood, gleaming in happiness and carelessness, for a few hours shedding themselves of the incessant edge and vigilance of shinobi. Sakura couldn't remember how long it had been since she had yanked herself back from the never-ending piles of work and stopped to let herself envelop in their company, let herself simply be and be beside them. Too long, her heart seemed to say.
She couldn't be sure if Naruto was especially inspired that night or if the alcohol and gratitude had painted a filter of amusement over everything around her. Sakura also hadn't missed the betting system Tsunade seemed to have founded on one of the more secluded tables. It helped that she tugged her with her monstrous strength to slur down onto her ear, "Three brats, don't let me down on that, Sakura. Your shishou has put a lot of money on this one."
The compliments rolling off everyone's tongues were also an added bonus for her starving ego. Well… except from one particular person.
Her eyes narrowed at the man as he listened to some episode Genma was animatedly performing.
It was also a sweet treat to see Kakashi in traditional clothes. The haori fell around his shoulders and frame perfectly, making him look taller and stronger, accentuating his gracefulness and presence as the loose fabric flowed with each of his steps. He had also shed himself of his slumped shoulders, even if more out of discomfort than poise.
The clothes had belonged to his father, every of its marks told Sakura that. The dark fabric had been rough under her hand and slightly frayed around the edges, old even if weaved with craft and excellent materials, the Hatake crest, a diamond divided into nine smaller ones, sewed with white thread into it.
Kakashi would also never trouble himself with getting a new set when there was one perfectly suitable, even if slightly worn. Some of his uniform shirts were a collage of mended holes and stitched on patches of fabric. Sakura wondered if it had been the same clothes his father had worn to his own wedding. Did it even matter to know?
He clearly hadn't bothered with controlling his silver hair but Sakura had always enjoyed the messy way it fell over his forehead, just enough to cover his eyes when he looked down.
It was a pity that the infectious mask continued glued to his face. What newly married woman could say they had never seen her husband's face? It was something out of her mum's romance novels set in some feudal lord's court – Kakashi was certainly playing the part of the mysterious and striking nobleman that evening – the ones Sakura had devoured once, in a thankfully far away past, even if it never seemed far enough.
Although, she doubted he would look that otherworldly beautiful, the type of beauty that existed only in books. Kakashi being handsome seemed the most likely outcome, from the line of his jaw, stretching the fabric of his mask, and the deep grey of his eyes, bottomless, almost black.
There was an ache brewing in her as she admired him, one that she couldn't quite name. The party made it easy to forget that this was her wedding and something that marked the beginning of one of the greatest turns of her life, the beginning of a lifetime commitment with this man. Perhaps it was the weight of that realisation throbbing once again.
A jolt racked through her shoulders as Kakashi turned his gaze to meet hers.
In his scarred eye all Sakura could see was red.
He smiled at her, two half-moons, and so entirely different from other cool charcoal eyes, other two red blood sharingan. Sakura smiled back, from that far he wouldn't see the tremor in the corners of her mouth.
She stood, empty glass in her hands and tried to find anything that could yank her back from the memories. But wherever Sakura looked he was there, his ghost haunting her, marking himself into everything around her. His last words echoed against the wall of her head, shriller than the screech of his hawk.
Wasn't he the reason she was here now, at her wedding, married?
Sasuke sneered at her still, as he had sneered in life.
"Sakura-chan! Let's dance!" Naruto shouted as he hauled her into the dancefloor.
The bass jerked through her chest, the music filled her ears and Naruto's chaotic rhythm forced all her attention into not falling down, and still his words tolled higher, a mere gurgled rasp of a dying boy drowning in his own blood. A rasp that would haunt her forever.
Sakura clenched her eyes closed and let herself be manhandled by Naruto. Her hand reached out for a full glass as they spun close to one of the tables and she downed it. Sake. But that didn't matter now, especially because it helped his voice quiet under the music and the loud exclamations of her dancing partner, the tight hold of his hand on hers, the pull of his swirls and the arm around her back keeping her there.
Everything was fine.
Everything was fine as long as she kept dancing.
Soon there was nothing but the music thundering in her ears, the ache of her feet and excitement buzzing through her veins. Her mouth was never dry and her hand was never empty as she jumped from dance partner to dance partner, group to group, table to table.
She knew it was time to lay down her glass of whatever pink drink she had been drinking for most of the night, when she eagerly sat on Guy's lap and let him twirl them around the dancefloor on his wheelchair at the rhythm of the music.
Once she stood up, her stomach aching from laughing and the lights spinning above her, Sakura scooped a cold glass of water and some chocolate dessert shaped into a flower and sat down on one of the tables, a small smile on her lips as she watched all her dearest people let loose and have fun.
The familiar warm weight of a kiss on her hair made the smile stretch into a grin, as her mum lowered herself into the chair next to her.
It seemed surreal that they could be here now, smiling to each other, when early in the morning Sakura had thought her parents wouldn't come to the wedding, ripping themselves away from her life with finality.
Perhaps it was the desperation of needing them there with her and their own desperation of sharing this step in their only daughter's life, but it had taken only the sight of her parents' hesitant remorseful eyes, and loving smiles at Sakura standing before the mirror in her kimono, for any possible resentment in her to crumble.
They had hugged as they hadn't hugged in years, since before her shattering choice to fight in the war, since before the realisation over the deadly path of her life had settled on them and fear festered through every of their moments.
How could it have been so simple? Three whispered apologies, a smile and a hug, and somehow it seemed to have built a bridge that just yesterday had been too heavy, too long to ever create.
"Kakashi came to talk to us, did you know that, Sakura?"
Her eyebrows shot up her forehead and she tried to puzzle any sign of deception on her mum's face, but there was only a satisfied glint shining in her eyes. It did explain why father had been cordial with Kakashi just a few days after threatening to kill him.
"What did he say?"
"A lot of apologising and self-flagellation. But most of all he showed us that he loves you and that helped pacify some of our worries."
Her eyes turned to Kakashi again, finding him in the reception with no effort, somehow Sakura was always aware of where he was that night. He was quieter than usual, a heavy type of quietness and not even the alcohol seemed to pull him out of it.
"See, Kaa-san, I told you it being Kakashi wasn't so bad. He's Team 7."
There was already love between them, it may not be the typical between wife and husband, but it could still help build a good family for a possible child.
"Sakura dear…"
She turned back to her mum only to find something hidden in her green eyes. "What?"
Her fingers combed a fallen strand of hair behind Sakura's ear with a tender smile and a shake of her head. "You make the most beautiful bride, my daughter."
The compliment only made Sakura narrow her eyes. "Why did you sound condescending?"
"I've dreamt of this day since the moment I held you in my arms. It's not ideal but honestly it could have been a lot worse." Mum's lips clutched shut, as if her mind had finally caught up to the meaning in her words, eyes studying Sakura's own reaction.
There had been a point in her life when her parents had stopped liking Sasuke, perhaps the moment they realised what should have been an endearing crush had grown to consume their daughter. Mum had been cautions at the teenage rants about him over the dinner table or as they worked on the backyard, in the kitchen while she cooked.
Only now could Sakura see what it was when as a teen she had been too caught up in her own imaginings, only now could she find the unfairness of it when all those evenings watching films and soap operas had only ignited that silly dream of an unreachable boy into her.
But her mum's words passed through her and didn't linger, mere background noise to the murmur of the party around them. Pacified that the unnamed mention hadn't crumbled everything they had built that morning, she continued.
"I'm grateful I am here to share it with you. Thank you for that, truly, Sakura." Her mum brought her hand to her mouth to kiss the back of it. "And you never know…" She started with a cheeky smile and squeeze of her fingers. "life tends to surprise us."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Please stop making projections, Kaa-san."
"Oh, but it'd be so romantic, don't you think?"
"This is not one of your books." She added more harshly, ripping her hand from her mother's hold.
"Why do you always have to make me look so frivolous? I've been married for more than twenty-five years, Sakura. Habit and familiarity are bonds stronger than all the passion in the world."
"That was probably the least romantic thing I've ever heard you say, Kaa-san." Sakura answered with a gentler tone and a fond chuckle.
"Or maybe the most romantic of all."
Her mum smiled before her eyes flickered to something behind Sakura. She leaned into her and pressed a kiss to her cheek before standing up.
"Don't be a stranger, honey. We really want to be in your life from now on."
"I won't, Kaa-san."
Sakura's gaze followed her, that same ache of before rising again in her chest. It was in these moments when they saw each other again that the missing of her mother's loving touch and presence, hidden under layers, came rushing up to her skin.
The world didn't allow her much time to dwell on it, as Kakashi sat on the chair her mum had just vacated.
"Why does your mother always look like she's conspiring in something?"
Sakura laughed and dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "Just playing matchmaking at a wedding."
This was the first time they were alone together and she couldn't understand why she had dreaded it so much. This thing wouldn't change the easiness between them, it was ingrained after years of being in the same team.
"Mm, I can't really see who? Most people are already together… and the others… I don't think there's a lot of hope for them…"
Sakura followed his eyes to see Guy trying to balance a stack of glasses on his foot while doing a handstand and Lee cheering him on.
"Us."
A gurgle followed by heavy coughs erupted beside her as he choked around his soup. Even through her merciless laughs at his distress and comically wide eyes, Sakura didn't think she had ever seen Kakashi's eyes bulge quite like that, she gave his back a few helping pats.
"Does your mother know whose wedding this is?"
"Trust me, Kaa-san's all too aware of that."
"I suppose the Council cut out all her work."
Sakura finally turned fully to him, her eyes tracing the uncovered lines of his face for the first time that night. While she had had Ino's magical hands to erase a sleepless night from her face, Kakashi hadn't had that much luck. His lids fell even heavier over his eyes and the dark circles carved deeper into the pale skin above his cheeks.
"You're exhausted." Sakura breathed out.
He smiled gently with a shake of his head. "I'm fine."
"You can leave whenever you want, Kakashi, don't feel obligated to stay until the end."
"I won't. Besides," His hands raised the bowl between them. "the catering is amazing."
"Ino said she was planning everything to perfection. I guess she wasn't lying."
Her eyes fled to her friend as she danced with an awkward Sai, a quiet blush painting the bridge of his nose, his hands impossibly gentle where they held her waist and hand. Those two would be the next ones to marry, Sakura was certain, enough that she had even put down a few ryo for it in Tsunade's newly established gambling table.
"She definitely did her homework." Kakashi said happily beside her, lifting a sneaky spoonful of miso soup that never allowed her to see his face. He made quite an endearing picture with his childish delight on an almost forty-year-old man.
"What?" He asked, not hiding the satisfaction swimming behind his voice. It was only then that Sakura realised she had been smiling up at him, chin propped on her palm.
"Just enjoying you enjoying your food." Her lips shaped into something more teasing. "Cute."
Kakashi wasn't even slightly irked by her choice of word. "I'm glad I make you glad."
His dark eyes met hers and only then did Sakura realise it was the first time he did it that night when there wasn't the safety of a few metres of distance between them. There was that tenderness to them and their soft curve of a smile that strummed through her chest.
Sakura ripped her gaze away, her hand bringing the glass up to down it, only it was unfortunately water.
"But you should know by now that compliments won't get you under my mask."
"And marriage?" She asked with a sardonic edge to her voice, eyes fixed on the glass in front of her. Before Kakashi could answer anything back, Sakura added between a sigh and a grumble. "I can't believe we're married."
"Not the most heartening way of saying that, wife."
"Well, it's a lot… especially when you call me that. How are you so… normal?"
Kakashi shrugged so very helpfully as always and Sakura forced herself not to roll her eyes.
"Of course." She said in another sulking mumble.
A shock ran up her arm when his hand rested over hers, without gloves to cover the warmth and ragged impression of his callouses over the softer skin of her palm. Sakura's muscles stilled as he held onto it and gently laid her fingers over his other wrist.
Under the thin skin, Sakura could feel the frantic beat of his heart. As a medic, she had done it to him numerous times over the years, a trivial thing to do to an injured teammate. So it unbalanced her when her own heartbeat stumbled at how intimate it felt.
Maybe it was because this time it had been Kakashi starting it, maybe because this time it was less about accessing his physical state and more about him sharing with her his inner battle over this thing.
Such a simple gesture and yet it was probably the most unguardedly vulnerable Kakashi had ever allowed himself to be with her, had ever wanted to show her of his own accord.
"It hasn't stopped doing this."
"Kakashi, you should have told me, this isn't healthy." Through the contact, Sakura let some of her medical chakra seep into his system and ease his stress response.
Of course Kakashi wasn't normal, Sakura had known of it already, had seen how his quietness throughout the reception was heavier than his usual one, even the animating effects of alcohol and friends hadn't pulled him out of it. She had been so entirely absorbed in her own misery over this thing that she had let herself forget that he was suffering just as she was.
"As long as it stays only as a fast heartrate."
Her eyes lifted to his. "What do you mean?"
"Dance with me?"
The request made her eyebrow lift, she didn't think she had ever seen Kakashi dance before. "You don't have to force yourself to, Kakashi."
"I'm not, if anything I'm forcing you."
Kakashi gave her a hidden stretch of lips between a smile and a smirk, his hand held out for her to take. Sakura did, a dance with him was irrefutable.
She was certain he had chosen this exact moment to ask her because of the slow music now playing, which meant it would be less of an effort to lead her steps in time with his.
Still, he was almost as awkward as Sai, stammering on his feet, one time even stepping on hers, keeping a distance between them that only made his attempts more difficult. They could slot themselves into a perfect harmony in the battlefield, but it seemed the dancefloor was where their connection ran dry.
Without his gloves, Kakashi couldn't hide how damp his hand was becoming and he slipped it away from hers to wipe it on his hakama with a wince and whispered apology.
It was too painful for both of them, especially him, and even if a more sadistic part of Sakura wanted to drag it out as payback for all the times he messed with her, she decided to end his misery.
"What if you let me lead, Kakashi?"
Her words only seemed to offend him, a small pout jutting under his mask. Sakura took a step closer to him, her arm wrapping around his shoulder, so it was easier to direct his movements. The difference was immediate and Kakashi seemed to notice it too, as his muscles relaxed slightly under her palm.
"See?" Her eyes lifted from their feet to his and Sakura was a little taken aback with the unexpected closeness of his face, near enough that she could see the speckles of light grey in his eyes. "Much better when you let me boss you around."
"You look beautiful, Sakura." His warm breath, with a hint of sake and miso, fanned over her cheeks even through the mask, ringing through her more than his words did.
Sakura smiled through the twist in her belly and lifted one eyebrow at him. "Took you long enough to say it."
"I didn't know if it was my place…"
She was at least glad he didn't use the excuse that it was so obvious it could be left unsaid.
"It's just a compliment, Kakashi. You can call me beautiful anytime you want. And you also look very handsome. I like you much better in traditional clothes than the uniform you wear all the time."
"Yours just sounded back-handed."
"Oh?" Sakura let out with a sassy twinkle that easily melted into a smile.
Slight banter was always the best way to get Kakashi to relax and stop overthinking every of his movements. Now they could actually start to enjoy themselves in the slow back and forth of their steps, neither sure nor caring of who was leading now. The only thing that bothered Sakura was the actual music they were dancing to, one cheesy and overly romantic old song.
"I'm not free…" She breathed out, copying the lyrics. "That seems appropriate."
"But who wants to be, Sakura? You're everything that's right for me." Kakashi, true to his past nickname and ability, copied as well, a cheeky glint in his eyes.
A small yelp flew past her mouth as Sakura was suddenly dipped back. Her fingers sank into Kakashi's shoulder in search for balance and a little pain on his part, while his arm wrapped around her waist to balance her. It was now her turn to become a rigid ungraceful plank and the fact that she was past the tipsy threshold didn't help her current position.
Kakashi smirked, all too satisfied with himself, before whispering the final words of the verse. "I belong to you."
He pulled her back up torturously slow. Her painful hold on him didn't ease, Kakashi deserved it, especially when his chuckles weren't stopping where they rumbled right beside her ear. Her eyes fixed somewhere over his shoulder as Sakura tried to get the flush of embarrassment under control and blow away some stray pink strand that was stuck to the lipstick on her lips.
Kakashi did it for her, a single fingertip brushing across her cheek in a feathery touch and tracing the curve of her ear where he tucked her hair.
It was all pretend, it was all a lie.
"You already got me to sign the papers, there's no need to seduce me anymore." Sakura mumbled in an attempt to save a piece of her pride.
Another dulcet chuckle vibrated in his chest and down her front. "I hope you don't use marriage as an excuse to slack off, Sakura."
It was always a mistake to put Kakashi back on his feet, when his pride was eased and ego soothed, he became too bold and that made him too powerful. It was for her own good to let them stay in silence, he might decide to try new ways of tugging at her heartbeat.
Her cheek lowered to rest on the back of her fingers around his shoulder, trying to bear through some of the dizziness in her head. The wisp of a scent seeped into her nose and Sakura had to close her eyes to understand what she was smelling. It was cologne and its blend with Kakashi's own familiar scent was completely out of place. He had been shy with it, so that only this close to his neck could she smell it.
She couldn't really understand why it seemed so fascinating that he had put on cologne, probably because it was one of the few times in his life he would ever wear it, why it made her want to bury her face in his neck.
Her gaze followed the lines of his throat as if she could find the spot where he had speckled it over his mask. Sakura did find something else, a small caged bird and it ignited a flicker of worry in her stomach. Her hand roved to lay at the junction of his shoulder and neck, only the pad of her thumb resting on his throat.
"Stop counting my heartbeats."
A crease pressed to the skin between her brows. His resting heartrate was around forty beats per minute and he was now at well over a hundred, more than when his veins were buzzing with the adrenaline of a fight.
"It's even worse than before, Kakashi."
"That's just because I'm dancing with a beautiful woman."
Even through her worry, Sakura couldn't stop the small smile from slipping into her lips. Kakashi could be such a charming bastard sometimes.
"Just work through some breathing exercises, please."
To his own credit, Kakashi indulged her without having to be threatened with injury. His deep exhales tingled her forehead and soon the little bird that was his heart calmed into a slower rhythm.
Before she had only tried to bury the chaos in her mind under louder things, but now the warmth of his body alongside the slow cadence of their steps as he led them helped lull her mind, cheek resting on his shoulder, his temple on her crown. Kakashi hummed sleepily and the corners of her lips turned in smile, she was grateful it was doing the same for him.
Her arm wrapped around Naruto's as she let her head fall to his shoulder. Their swirling feet made ripples in the cool water of the pond, her kimono pooled around her knees, while Naruto had let the edges of his pants get wet.
The party was reaching its end, most of the guests had already left. Ino was handing out the remaining food to whoever wanted to take it home, Sakura's and her own portions already carefully curated and saved somewhere else.
"You're taking it better than I thought, Naruto. Even if I did hear you tried to kill Kakashi a few days ago, Yamato spent the better part of the next day grumbling about having to fix five training grounds."
He didn't find any humour in her words, his voice muted as he said, "If I was Hokage I'd never let this happen."
"I know, but ifs don't matter now."
Sakura already had enough of those fighting to burst out of carefully closed boxes, but he had always been stronger than she had ever been. Of course his mark on her would rule above whatever control Sakura had of it.
Those last words…
They had the power to build worlds behind her eyes, sweet illusory worlds.
"Are you thinking of him?" Naruto asked. "Somehow he was always on my mind today…"
She could hear what his words weren't saying, just as with her mum, 'It could have been him, instead of Kakashi, it could have been you and Sasuke'.
"It would never happen like this, he'd never want a wedding. I'm sure Kakashi doesn't want it too, but he's enduring it for some reason…"
That seemed to lift some of the gloom around Naruto as he huffed. "Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that reason is you. I'm glad too, it was super fun! It wouldn't have been nearly as fun if…"
Sakura knew it helped Naruto with his grief to talk of him, to let himself wonder over the life Sasuke might have built if he wasn't dead, but every single syllable of his seemed to spread new cracks into her skin. Her teeth had to clump around her lips so a sharp plea for him to shut up wouldn't leave her mouth.
"It makes me feel so guilty… the days I forget to remember him… I can at least bring Sasuke home when I remember him."
It was the opposite for her. Sakura always tried to keep him down where he wouldn't haunt her. She avoided everything that might remind her of him and yet he was still there, always there, one empty throbbing piece of her, a piece too large, a piece the size of her.
Almost seven years.
He should have washed away already. The memory of him should bloom only at the sight of the bridge where they met for team trainings, or a round fan, ripe red tomatoes glistering on a stand at the market, the cool shade of coals and flickering fire. Then her lips would turn in a wistful smile, trembling with joy and sadness, gratitude for his presence in her life.
The memory of him shouldn't be like crackling gnawing fingers that wrenched her heart out from her chest, curling in it like hate.
Every new day she woke up to the bleeding thought that Sasuke wasn't there to see it.
"It wasn't your fault, Naruto. He didn't want to come home." Sakura repeated the words she had said so many times before because she knew Naruto needed to hear them, to make them real through another person's voice.
"I know."
Her arms raised up her head as Sakura stretched one more time, the tiredness of her body finally catching up to her now that she was home. The floorboards creaked behind her and she looked over her shoulder to find Kakashi leaning against the frame of her kitchen door, eyes watching her tiredly over his mask.
"Did you like the party, Kakashi?"
"It wasn't for me."
"I asked if you liked it."
He gave her a smile, maybe a little frail even if genuine. The wedding really had sucked more energy out of him than a weeklong mission. "I did. You?"
"Yeah…" Sakura turned back to the counter as the water in the kettle started gurgling. "It was the most fun I've had in a long time."
"I'm glad." Kakashi whispered in the softest of voices.
Sakura picked up the mugs with their bedtime tea and turned around.
Her feet stumbled against each other, fat drops of freshly boiled tea splattering across her hands. Sakura yelped at the burn of her skin and rushed to put the two mugs on the table in front of her before they could fall and shatter.
Her green eyes narrowed as she glared up at his satisfied expression.
"Are you crazy, Kakashi?!" Sakura growled, taking a step closer to him. "You can't just spring that face up on an unsuspecting woman! Carrying two boiling cups of tea no less!"
Even after her outburst there was only amusement lighting his face, his whole uncovered face. The anger rushed out of her veins in an instant and she took one more step to stand right in front of him, pulled forward by the tight hold the lower half of his face had on her.
Her hands tingled with the impulse to reach for him but she forced them down, fingers grasping to the fabric of her kimono instead. Sakura only let her eyes ravage through him, jumping through every small detail.
It was like meeting someone new that reminded her of someone else, or of meeting a friend after long years of not seeing each other, as when she had first seen Darui just last year. At first he was clearly and recognisably Darui, but the closer she watched him, the more uncanny every detail seemed when it had changed with time, the more displaced.
Kakashi's uncovered face wasn't a complete surprise, Sakura had studied its masked shape for years, trying to see past the dark tight fabric. This had merely given colour and dimension to the features she already knew by heart. His lips were fuller than she had expected, his cheekbones more defined and unsurprisingly there was a tan line that divided his face in two, one paler and an even paler other.
But what surprised her and delighted her the most was the small beauty spot under the left corner of his mouth, so much that her fingers burned with the need to touch it to make sure it was there.
While Sakura wouldn't have recognised the lower part as him if she had stumbled upon it in the street, when joined to his familiar dark eyes, everything about his entire face was so completely Kakashi.
The corner of his mouth lifted into his typical smirk, only now she could see it in its entirety. Sakura swooned without shame, unembarrassed by the heat in her cheeks. She understood now why he wore the infernal mask, without it, a simple smirk would make anyone's knees tremble and while it was a useful weapon against enemies, it would inevitably involve friendly-fire.
"By your reaction I'd think I was showing you something else." His tone seeped with suggestion and the twist of his lips only turned cheekier.
Shit, he was handsome and Sakura already knew that, still why did Kakashi have to be so handsome?
Sakura snorted. "I've seen that already and my reaction was nothing if not professional."
It really did say something about Kakashi that he would show her his penis in a medical check-up and not his face.
"It wasn't in its best shape."
"Don't be crude." Sakura punched his shoulder, pretty face or not. Her tender skin stung at the scrap of fabric on her fingers and she winced.
Kakashi held her wrist before she could lower it. "I didn't actually mean to get you hurt."
A downside to his uncovered face was that it only deepened every emotion that crossed it, good or bad. His guilty was even more painful now.
She waved it off while flooding her hands with healing chakra. "It's gone, see? And you know I'd endure more than a little burn to finally see what's under Kakashi-sensei's mask."
Naruto, Sasuke and she had spent hours of many days making plans of how to get a peek under it. It always did end up biting them in the ass and it seemed things hadn't changed for her.
"If I'd known all I needed to do was marry you, I'd have gotten down on one knee a lot sooner."
Her voice carried only the light-hearted tilt of a tease, but Kakashi's expression fell into a sudden sadness, deepened by the lines around his mouth. He would destroy her heart if he always looked that miserable with the simplest of things.
"I never wanted you to endure this."
Sakura softened and squeezed his hand. "Don't."
She didn't want him to take the burden of a guilt that wasn't his. They had both been thrown into this thing, Kakashi had no reason to add more to his pile of pain.
"Don't say it like that, like you're a curse to me."
His eyes said what his mouth never shaped, 'I am a curse'.
"You're not, Kakashi. Considering the amount of times you've saved my ass, I'd say you're a gift from heaven. Our situation might be slightly cursed, but not you. Never."
And now this gesture…
Sakura knew what it meant, Kakashi was telling her that he would try to let down his masks for this thing, to let himself be vulnerable, be true with her.
"I was wrong before." Her voice started softly. "I was definitely the one that married up." And not only because of how handsome he was.
There was a shyness to him, similar to when they had first started dancing, and his eyes fled from her own, a blush painting his cheeks pink. Her chest flooded with warmth at the endearing sight of it, Sakura believing she could admire that expression for the rest of her life and never grow tired. It made him look even barer, as if he had peeled back one more layer other than the fabric one.
It was best to ease the intensity of the moment, Sakura scared that it would make him curl into himself again, it would make her feel things that shouldn't be felt with him.
"If only I'd known how pretty you are, Sensei."
"Ugh, don't call me that, it makes me feel like a pervert."
"You are a pervert."
"But usually I don't feel guilty about it."
Sakura chuckled and forced herself away from the hold he had on her, reaching for the almost forgotten mugs. She extended one of them to him. "Your tea."
Kakashi answered with a grateful smile, his lips only enhancing the tender light in his eyes. Sakura swallowed.
It was just a bed, her bed, but it was a simple bed nonetheless. Sakura had shared dozens of beds with Kakashi. Inn beds during missions but they were just beds, just like the bed Sakura usually slept in alone, unless she had an itch to scratch, her own but still only a bed.
Why did it look so intimidating now, when before Sakura would have fallen into it with a dreamy sigh and buried her nose into her pillow with a smile?
Because this was entirely different, they were sharing a bed because they were married, not because they were cheapskates and that made everything different.
The hairs on her back stood, her skin entirely too aware of Kakashi behind her as he stepped into her bedroom, or was it their bedroom now? Their apartment?
Their bed.
Not wanting to make things even more awkward by hesitating in front of him, Sakura slipped inside the covers and into her side, the left side. Kakashi followed her without a pause, apparently at ease at sleeping in her bed, the heat of his body making itself known to her side all too soon.
But she knew he was highly aware of her, as she was highly aware of him.
It would wash away, Sakura just needed to turn onto her side and sleep and keep doing it however long it took for the weight and prickle of his presence, his lightning chakra, to wash away.
Doing something for the rest of their lives usually helped dissipate the novelty of it. And they were married now, they would be doing this for the rest of their lives.
The rest of their lives…
Sakura's eyes bulged open.
The rest of their fucking lives.
"Oh fuck."
The entire conscious weight of what Sakura and Kakashi had done that day finally settled in her mind. It wasn't just the barrage of chaotic emotions and sickening churns of her stomach she had suffered right after the wedding ceremony. It was the rational consciousness of it, as real and painful as the heat of the body lying next to hers under the covers.
"Sakura." His voice was harsh as he said it, pulling her away from her thoughts and making her realise he had been calling her for some time.
Still, she didn't take her hands away from her face, fingers sinking into her hair.
"Kakashi! Do you have any idea what we just did today?"
"Look at me." His hand held her wrist and he coaxed her to reveal her face, his dark eyes serious, unwavering. "You can always get out when you want to. Or sleep in separate rooms, or pretend I don't exist. Or kick me so hard in the balls I become infertile. Say the word and you're free, Sakura."
"Again, how are you so normal?"
He smiled, his mask covered his lips once again, and still Sakura could see how it was forced. "I'm married to a strong, intelligent, kind and beautiful woman. I have nothing more I could wish for."
The compliments didn't stir anything in her, they were too over-the-top to be sincere for Kakashi. It was only a way of running away from the question, running away from how terrifying this thing actually was. If there were two things Kakashi had never wished for they were invasions of his personal space and romantic commitments. And now he was forced into the two, forever.
Take the mask off a man and find a million hidden underneath.
'You're free, Sakura.' But Kakashi wasn't.
How could Sakura ever leave him? She was broken as he was, unprepared and unfitted for the role of loving wife, but at least she was a friend, at least she was familiar, at least there was already love and trust between them.
'Habit and familiarity are bonds stronger than all the passion in the world'. Her mother's words spurred uninvited into her mind. Kakashi had never been a man of passion, but he certainly was a man of habits and familiarity.
Maybe Sakura could be the one to make this curse of his bearable.
"I'm serious about the ball kicking." There was an edge of uncertainty in his voice even as he joked, perhaps he believed she was desperate enough to agree to it and Kakashi deranged and loyal enough to allow himself the mutilation. Perhaps because the barrage of compliments, instead of soothing her, had only carved a heavier expression on her face.
Sakura followed his lead. "Although very tempting sometimes, there are a lot more efficient and less painful techniques."
"Hmm," Kakashi started, already the hint of a tease in his voice. "so you've given this some thought in your medical profession?"
"Have you see some of the guys walking around Konoha? Tsunade even wondered one time if she should make neutering humans legal, spent an entire day actually searching for loopholes that permitted it."
"Slightly terrifying information."
Sakura rolled on her side, her hand propping her temple up. "Wait until you know why." Kakashi's head lolled to face her as well. "It was only because one of the ANBU broke her bottle of super expensive sake, the one that used to have an entire legend with a monk and the kami behind it. Sometimes he crosses my path on the street, alive and perfectly fertile with two little boys, and it's like witnessing a miracle."
"Is he the one that used to wear the bird mask?"
"Yup."
"Hate to admit it but Tsunade might've been right on that one. Poor kids."
"Ha," Sakura let out as she shoved his shoulder. "who are you to talk? I'm sure she's probably threatened to neuter you a few times, with Naruto it's a weekly occurrence."
His jaw slacked open in offense. "Did you just compare my levels of stupidity with Naruto's?"
"Of course. And Hinata's been making him less of an idiot each new day," Her face neared him, eyes narrowed against his. "so you better watch out, Hatake, you might surpass him." Her finger traced circles around the outline of his masked face with her words. "You're lucky I would never do the future generations Konoha the disservice, not when you look like that."
Kakashi snatched her finger in his grasp. "So you only married me for my looks."
"Obviously."
His dark eyes pinned to hers in disapproval before melting into indifference as he shrugged. "Could be worse. Like doing this because you were ordered."
His playful tone loosened a chuckle from her chest as Sakura flopped back into the mattress, taking her finger with her and away from his hold. The heaviness of before had washed away with the familiarity of this and her muscles could finally melt away alongside the constant tension of the past month.
It wasn't very different from their own missions, when sharing a bed was an inconsequential thing born out of their stinginess and their interactions inside the covers were only an extension of all the others outside of them.
The dream of a marriage were shattered pieces in her hands, had been for years now, but this was different from that. They had signed a paper and drunk some sake, the taste of it still lingering in her tongue, nothing more.
This was a partnership, something closer to the dynamics of a team than of lovers, just as it had been for the past years between them. The thread that bonded them together persevered even as life tried to yank it apart, unchanged, only stronger for it.
"I'm not going anywhere, Kakashi." Sakura whispered, voice soft and eyes pinned to her ceiling.
Her words lingered alone in the quietness of her bedroom for a long time and it only made the burning question that had become a constant pounding in her mind rise to her tongue, 'Are you glad it's me?' Sakura wouldn't let it free between them, voiced and with too much destructive power against all of her.
"I'm still serious about the separate rooms." He finally added.
"I only have a sofa."
"No, we don't. I have a house, in the outskirts of Konoha, in front of the rice fields."
Her eyebrows bunched together. Sakura had never known of it, especially with how he lived in a tiny hole that crumbled a little more every day that passed. Did he willingly choose to live in that dump when he could live in a house?
"The house… it's yours, Sakura."
Our two sweethearts are finally married! Share with me your thoughts on this one!
The song they were dancing to actually exists if you're curious and want to give it a listen, I Belong to You, by Ralph Flanagan. I actually first found it through a lo-fi version, Open Window, Jaeden Camstra.
As always, thank you for reading!