"And I'll start with the day Van became my friend."

How could one sentence provoke so many emotions? Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. Disgust. Hope.

Longing.

In his conflicted state, the fledgling emotions burst from his back. Floods, Scrappers, Hareraisers, Mandrakes. They scampered a few feet down the tunnel before suddenly stopping and turning on each other. A brawl broke out, Unversed versus Unversed.

"Stop it!" Vanitas shouted at them, yelping at the unexpected pain of his creations clawing, scraping, and slicing each other.

He summoned his keyblade to destroy the idiotic creatures. Seeing the pain they caused him, Aqua quickly joined in, striking down the Unversed until only health orbs, munny, and D-link shards remained.

Aqua's eyes were wide. Whether it was from concern or fear, Vanitas couldn't tell.

"What… what happened?" she asked.

He trembled from the shock of those conflicting emotions forcing themselves back into him.

"…I don't know."

Nothing like this had ever happened before. It terrified him. That terror wanted to manifest as a Bruiser, and he barely kept it contained. The chain reaction of the Unversed life cycle may have been useful when he had several worlds to flood with them, but now it would only trap him in pain.

He crushed an HP orb under his boot, trying to let its replenishing energy soothe him.

What the heck is wrong with me? He stared at his palms, as if more Unversed would peel out when he wasn't looking. Was he sick? If so, he'd never underestimate germs again.

"Was it… what I said?" Aqua timidly asked, keeping her distance from him.

He had to pull his thoughts back together. What had she said…?

Oh. Right.

"No, Aqua—" He shook his head, even though she was probably right. The offer of friendship, combined with the kind name, must have caused his emotional schism. What else could it have been?

"It's okay," she said quietly, turning her gaze away. "If you don't want to be my friend, I understand. I only thought, well, the two of us are the only ones here, and you were starting to open up… I thought you might want… to not feel alone anymore."

He squeezed his eyes shut, focusing all his energy on keeping his Unversed below the surface.

"Shut up, Aqua," he murmured, but there was no energy in it.

"I'm sorry—"

He cut her off with a sharp glare.

"What part of shut up don't you understand?"

The good feeling was gone. He'd managed to push down all emotion, make himself numb.

Only… he was still sad. Guilty. Because now Aqua had a thin, glistening tear line down her cheek.

"Agh, why do you have to be so nice?" He wanted to turn his back to her, but it was like he was stuck. Besides, if any more Unversed spontaneously sprang from his back, he'd rather them not have a straight shot at her throat.

"…I don't understand," she said honestly.

"Neither do I, Aqua. That's the problem." He shook his head, wishing he could shake the pain off with it.

"Can you not just… tell me what you feel?"

Her sincere question prompted a hollow laugh.

"You say that like I know what I feel."

She took a half-step towards him. "That's why you talk about it. To help you work through your feelings outside of your own mind. Trust me, it can help."

He snorted in scorn. The last thing he wanted to do was face his emotions. They were much safer buried deep inside, where they wouldn't manifest at a moment's notice.

But how long could he really hold them down? Even now he felt them rearing their ugly heads: Terror, Confusion, Anger, Hopelessness. But it wasn't hopeless, not if Aqua was right. Expelling the emotions through words… could it really be a way to rid himself of the conflicted Unversed?

Well, he didn't have much to lose—except Aqua.

He guessed… it could be a sort of test. Yes, a test. If she still thought she could handle him after figuring out what the heck was wrong with him, then he would trust her. He could kill two birds with one stone.

"Fine." He sat with his back to the wall, the safest position he could think of. Should he summon his helmet for this? Nah, hiding his face from Aqua would only make her ask more questions.

"Really?" she asked as she sat next to him.

"Shut up before I change my mind." He cleared his throat, ready to speak… only he had no idea what to say. How could he explain all of the emotions battling inside of him? The miniature civil war between his Unversed seemed like explanation enough.

But they both knew about the schism. What she wanted to know was why . The same thing he wanted.

"I… feel… confused." His voice cracked while only admitting that much.

When his eyes flickered to her blue ones, she nodded for him to continue. He clenched his hands around the folds of his skirt.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know…"

He paused, wanting to retreat again, but she was still listening. Not analyzing, not judging. Just listening. He'd never had anyone pay him this much attention before, outside of combat, anyway. He expected it to feel unnerving, but somehow it comforted him.

"I don't know who I am anymore." When he shook his head, stray grains of sand scattered out of his hair. "You can't understand, Aqua. I've always been a heart of pure darkness; it's how I was created. Then here you come along, spewing your stupid light everywhere and somehow making me want to save you and telling me I could be good— and the stupidest part is I might actually be falling for it."

He bit the top of his knuckle. Had he really just admitted that? It had been like opening a floodgate; once he started talking, he just couldn't shut up. Rather than give Aqua a moment to comment on his mental state, he continued rambling.

"Being good is for idiots. That's what Xehanort always told me, but he was an idiot too, so it shouldn't matter what he said. I'm guess I'm just scared. I don't know how to be good, and I never needed to. And I don't want to… but gah, why does it hurt when you are? It would be so much easier if you were just a jerk like me!"

He stopped to catch his breath, but couldn't bring himself to look at Aqua. The sand draining along the ground suddenly became very interesting.

"You feel… guilty?" she softly asked.

He wished he could lie. What was it about her tiny questions that seemed to cut him wide open?

"Sure. I'll take your word for it." He snorted, trying to keep his cool. "I shouldn't feel guilty. A heart of pure darkness wouldn't. So I know either something's wrong with me, or…"

He swallowed the dryness in his throat. Of all the things he needed to say, this was the hardest. It meant defying everything he ever was. Yet somehow, there was another feeling inside him—one that said it meant accepting who he was.

"…or you were right. And there is light in me." He clutched the fabric of his suit, the black heart in the center of his chest. He wanted to throw up. Ha, there was no mask stopping him now.

"…Would that really be so bad?" Aqua asked, shifting a fraction closer to him.

"You know how you felt when you realized you have darkness inside of you?"

She shuddered; he caught it from the corner of his eye. "Of course. I was disgusted; it was like I betrayed myself. Like this place had finally won its war against me."

Relief dissolved a bit of the tension in his stomach. Maybe in some twisted way, she could understand.

"That's exactly how I feel. Only instead of losing to the Realm of Darkness, I'm losing to you."

He finally risked a clear look at her. There was still a glaze of confusion over her eyes, but it was laced with comprehension.

"That can't be right." She pulled her legs to her chest. "Light doesn't hurt the way darkness does."

Vanitas shook his head. She was too naïve for her own good.

"It does when you've never felt it. When you've been trained your whole life to reject it."

Her mouth parted, releasing a soft sound of sympathy. "That's terrible…"

"You would know," he couldn't help pointing out. "Didn't your master do the same thing to you?"

The sudden turn caught her off guard. "What do you mean, the Master—?" But his meaning quickly dawned on her; she shook her head frantically. "No way. There's a reason we reject the darkness; it's dangerous. I mean, look what it's done to you."

The comment stung, like acupuncture on his heart. Normally he would've snarked back to distract himself from it, to make her hurt the same way. Instead, he finally thought about why it hurt.

Because it was true. Because he was the one breaking down, his own emotions turning on him. Because he was the one who had never been happy until today, when he'd eaten half a pot of ice cream.

Pathetic. He was absolutely pathetic .

"…I just want to be happy again," he whispered, sounding as broken as he felt. His darkness screamed, wanting to lash out at himself for admitting his weakness. But did it matter? It was done. What could Aqua do to him that was worse than making him spill his guts like this? "Is that too much to ask?"

A tear dripped down the curve of her cheek. "No, Van. That's not too much to ask."

"Then tell me, Aqua." His gold eyes begged shamelessly. "Tell me how I can be happy."

Her blue eyes were wider than he'd ever seen them. She'd done it; she'd broken down the walls around his heart, and now she was going to drown in the Flood. It had been inevitable, hadn't it? After all, that was the reason behind his first Unversed's name.

"…What does your heart tell you?" She answered his question with another question.

A stupid question. His desperation snapped to anger.

"How should I know!?" He ran his hands through his hair, wanting to yank out black fistfuls. "My heart doesn't know how to be happy! Maybe I'm not all dark, but I'm not like you, Aqua!"

What made her think this would help? He couldn't handle this level of honesty. He couldn't handle these emotions—

A swarm of Floods wisped from tendrils of darkness, snaking out from his back, around his arms, over his head.

"Van!" Locking her eyes on his, Aqua clasped her hands onto his shoulders. Even when the Floods lashed at her arms, she didn't let go. Didn't even flinch. "I might not know a lot, but I know you're hurting. You can't let that pain control you!"

The Floods were his most basic, animalistic desires; they wanted nothing more than to rip her apart. Eliminate the source of the pain, the thing that confused him, that split him in two. He hissed with the effort of restraining them.

"You're more than your emotions!" she insisted, her blue eyes never leaving his. He fought to keep them in his sight, to not let his eyelids close and force him into darkness.

Give up already, a voice in his head whispered. This is who you are. This is what you were created to do.

"Nnngh— shut up!" He ordered the voice, making Aqua flinch. A Flood's arm left a diagonal cut down her cheek, but she still held on.

"Not until I can find a way to save you!" she retorted.

"Not talking to you!" Vanitas snapped back with a grimace, Floods half-formed from his flesh. "Nngh—I can't control them much longer—"

"Come on! Look at me, Van!" She shook him, trying to keep his focus on her. "I thought you were stronger than that!"

He wasn't strong. He wasn't even strong enough to control his own creations. But Aqua believed in him, even when she shouldn't. Why? Why was she still trying, even as the Unversed raged against her?

"And I'll start with the day Van became my friend."

She had risked her life for Ventus. She had risked her life for Terra. And now, she was risking her life for him.

"You're right." Vanitas could see his eyes, burning bright gold, reflected in hers. "I'm stronger than a few feelings…"

Deep breaths became his only thought. Deep breaths, and the deep blue of her eyes. It was an anchor point, a distraction that helped him force the Floods to retreat.

"Good," she spoke soothingly. "Good. You're doing great, Van."

Slowly but surely, the Floods dissolved. Vanitas was left gasping, clutching his chest, but otherwise intact.

Aqua smiled, probably in relief. "There we go. You're alright. Right?"

"…Yeah." He exhaled heavily, trying not to let the bile rise in the back of his throat. "Yeah…. Thanks."

"You're welcome." She finally removed her hands from his shoulders. He was afraid the Unversed would spring back in the absence, but surprisingly, he felt alright. Maybe there was some merit to the "talking it out" idea. …Or maybe he was just extremely screwed up. That would make about as much sense.

She was still staring at him, probably wondering if he would have another mental and/or emotional breakdown Well, if he was, he wasn't about to sit around and wait for it to happen.

"…Happy day one," he murmured quickly before summoning his mask to shield his face.

"Happy day one—?"

He took off, stumble-running down the tunnel until he came to a hollow in the wall that he could squeeze himself into. Aqua was calling his name, but he'd handled all the interaction he could for one day. He needed time for it to sink in.

Day one. He sunk deeper into the sand-washed wall, his eyelids slipping shut. Congratulations, Aqua. You passed the test.

Hope you don't regret it.

He'd summoned his mask so she wouldn't see him cry. He'd been sure that as soon as he was alone, at least some of the feelings would return. But surprisingly, his eyes stayed completely dry.

He was… content. Or worn out. Something like that.

So now I'm Aqua's friend… does that automatically go both ways? Does she have to be my friend too?

Well, if he had to have a friend, he guessed there were worse options.