Aqua's body yearned for sleep. Her heart itched to fight.

She and Drizzle swept through the Castle in a storm of blue and white, destroying Soldiers and Red Nocturnes and Wizards as easily as if they were cobwebs. A Defender blocked their path; she spun arm in arm with the Inversed, catching the Heartless from its unprotected side and shattering it to black smoke. It clogged her lungs, tugged on her memories of the Dark Wind.

She would not panic. She was a Keyblade Master. She could handle a little fear.

Casting Aeroga, she cleared the room, then picked up a card that was left behind.

A memory, just like they always were. For the past three days while she'd been waiting for Mickey to return, she had cleared enough rooms of Heartless to gain a whole deck of them. She wasn't sure why she kept picking them up. Part of her wanted to set them all on fire.

All of them depicted the strange blue-streaked rocks of the Realm of Darkness. As if she didn't have any other memories. Riku hadn't been able to explain why none of the cards displayed the Land of Departure, or Radiant Garden, or Neverland, or any of the other pleasant worlds she'd visited.

Sighing, she tucked the card into her belt next to her command deck. At least she didn't have to use the cards to fight, like Riku and Mickey did. Being the Master of the Castle did have a few benefits.

Drizzle dove underground, becoming a puddle that was nearly invisible against the white floor. She jumped when he burst out right in front of her, his antennae twitching as if he wanted to say something.

"What's the matter?" she asked. In response, the Inversed plopped down on the ground. "Are you… tired?"

He nodded emphatically. They had been destroying the Heartless for… quite some time now, she thought. This place confused her sense of time nearly as much as the Realm of Darkness had.

"I suppose we can take a break," she conceded, sitting down cross-legged beside him, even though she was anxious to keep moving.

As long as she kept moving, she would wear herself out enough to sleep at night. As long as she kept moving, her mind had no time to think.

No thinking about how many days it had been. No thinking about the monster Van would be fighting now. No thinking about how she still had barely an inkling of how to save him.

She rested her head on Drizzle's shoulder. "You don't happen to have any ideas, do you?"

He shrugged, making her head bob up and down. Why did she always ask him? He didn't know anything. Except maybe how to make her feel better. It was strange how quickly she had become used to the white Flood's quirks, like how he would stroke her hair like she was his pet, rather than the other way around.

Now I'm calling the Inversed my pet? She almost laughed; that would have annoyed Van even more than when she'd called him sweet.

He was sweet, even if he would rather die than admit it. Saving her had proved that.

She wiped a hand down her face, as if she could physically push back the tears pricking her eyes. This had been exactly what she'd wanted to avoid, the reason she'd spent her four useless days in the Realm of Light destroying as many Heartless as she could. In between helping Riku with his research, of course.

Once, she would have loved digging through the Castle's library, piecing together clues and theories. That was what she should be doing. Instead she came to the depths of the Castle to slay monsters.

It's the only thing I know how to do anymore.

Destroying Heartless and endless walking had been her life for so long, she found it incredibly difficult to sit still long enough even to read a book. Besides, finding any new rooms with the Organization's research would be the most useful thing she could do for Riku and Mickey. And those chambers would lie through rooms and rooms of Heartless.

That was the justification for her wandering, anyway. She had yet to find anything useful.

She had, however, found what she somehow knew to be her old room. Now it was just another bleak chamber teeming with Heartless. She'd destroyed them out of habit, but had left immediately afterward. There was nothing left for her there.

Drizzle hugged her silently. The action was enough to crack the weak barrier holding back her tears.

"Is there anything left for me anywhere?" she asked, letting the small beads of water roll freely.

She was home. That should have been enough. But what was home without her friends? Ven unconscious, Terra who knew where, and Van…

"He made even the Realm of Darkness feel like home. I can't believe I could wish I was back there…" She gripped her Wayfinder, desperately wishing it would glow. Even though the Dark Wind no longer filled her, the charm wouldn't respond.

That was when her hand accidentally brushed the deck of cards she had tucked into her belt. Cards made of her memories. Cards printed with the image of the Realm of Darkness.

Making a hasty decision, she plucked one of the cards from her belt and stood, shaking off Drizzle's embrace as she shook off her tears.

"I can't hide from my memories forever." It would be as useless as hiding from her darkness. She had tried shoving down both, fighting towards the future rather than dwelling on the past. But her heart wouldn't let her. It kept dragging her back, wanting to drown her in the memories of her time with Vanitas—both the good and the bad.

"Maybe it's about time I gave my heart what it wants," she said, holding the card to her chest.

She strode to the nearest tall door and held the card before her. Light enveloped the door, and it slowly swung open.

The light was a charade. When she stepped through, she found herself in sudden dimness. Of course, she had expected that. This was her memory of the Realm of Darkness.

Her eyes quickly adjusted to the soft shades of gray, a welcome change from Castle Oblivion's blinding walls. She remembered this place: the emaciated forest outside where she and Van had escaped the underground. The doorway back to the Castle replaced the crack in the vine-covered rock. No Heartless were around, as far as she could see.

Slowly she stepped forward, resting her hand against the rough bark of a dead tree. It felt so solid, so real. Could this whole place really be made of her memories?

For a moment, it was as if she'd never left, as if her brain refused to believe Castle Oblivion was real. She was in the Realm of Darkness; she had always been in the Realm of Darkness; she always would be. The Dark Wind was a part of her, and always would be…

She shook her head violently, pounding her fist against the tree. It shook with a dull echo. "This isn't who I am. I don't… I don't belong here…"

So why did she feel like she did? Why did she feel drawn back, as if part of her heart was still in that dreadful place?

"Van…" That had to be why. Could she really miss him so terribly that the Realm of Darkness would seem appealing?

Her mind said that that was ridiculous. Her heart… for the second time in her life, she didn't understand it. And the first had been when the Dark Wind had controlled her.

She bit down on the inside of her lip, forcing away that memory. That was the one thing she wouldn't face. She couldn't, not yet. The way that monster had used her…

Drizzle rushed to her side as she sank to her knees. There was just so much, so many thoughts and fears and wishes, her heart couldn't contain them all. It made her wish she could create Unversed, to shove the raging emotions somewhere else, anywhere else.

She didn't have more tears to release, but her body shook anyway. Drizzle patted her back in vain; no simple touch would heal the scars lacing her heart.

"I… I need therapy, or something…"

A snort sounded behind her, making her literally jump. "What kind of therapy could help with this?"

Aqua knew that voice. She could never forget it. Still, as she turned around, she could barely believe her eyes.

"Van…?"

There he stood, arms crossed, his typical smirk gracing his face. He raised an eyebrow.

"What, were you expecting someone else?"

She just stared, the shock slowing her limbs, until she finally snapped out of it long enough to stumble forward and throw her arms around him.

He was quick to hug her back, though he asked, "What's going on? You're not sick again, are you?"

"Van, I thought you could be dead! Is it so surprising that I might want to hold you?" She didn't let go. If she did, he would see the tears stinging her eyes—tears of joy as the knot in her chest finally started to loosen. "How did you get here? How did you escape?"

"Escape? You mean from the tunnels?" He pulled back, looking at her as if she'd sprouted Shadow antennae. "You dragged me out of there like a dead body. Scraped up my face, too," he muttered, rubbing his cheek, though she didn't see any scratches there.

Her arms fell to her sides as her heart froze again. He didn't remember. Why wouldn't he remember? Unless… of course. This illusion was made of her memories—why shouldn't that illusion include Van?

"You're not real, are you."

His face hardened into something between a scowl and a pout. "Hey, I may just be half a heart, but I'm just as real as you are."

He'd certainly felt real. But so had the blackened tree.

"Do you remember creating this Inversed?" she asked, pointing to Drizzle, who had sat down under the tree and made himself comfortable. He didn't react much to Van's presence, which should have been proof enough.

"I… no." He frowned, stepping towards the large Flood, who finally looked up at him with lazy eyes. When he put his hand on Drizzle's head, the Inversed jumped up in surprise just as Van recoiled. He backed away like the Inversed might try to eat him. "That… that shouldn't be possible."

"What shouldn't?" she asked, patting Drizzle on the back to calm him down.

"It's made of…" He looked choked off, then shook his head. "Can't tell you."

Her hands went to her hips. "Why not?"

"I don't know. I just can't." He shrugged. "He'll protect you, though, no matter what. I can tell you that. Now come on, let's get as far away from that tunnel as we can."

She glanced back. The "tunnel" was still a Castle Oblivion-sized door. He couldn't see it.

"You're not the real Van."

He spun, anger making his eyes flash wolfishly. She hadn't seen that expression on him in a while, at least, not directed at her. She certainly hadn't missed it.

"Then what am I?"

"You're the Van from my memories," she whispered, keeping her gaze fixed on the door. "I wanted to hope, but… no. I should go."

This idea had been a mistake. It wasn't right for her to be here, with this shadow of her friend. She needed to be focusing on finding the real one.

"No!" he called out, reaching to grab her hand. "Aqua—don't go," he murmured.

Memory or not, the hurt on his face was real. His gold eyes pleaded with her, holding her as surely as his strong grip.

When she pulled her hand free, it felt as if a piece of her heart was left behind.

Her voice was low as she replied, "If I'd had the choice, I never would have left you. I'm sorry."

Then, before she could look back and have her heart broken again, she ran through the door.

XXX

"Aqua?"

She looked up from where she had been listlessly poking at a plate of rice. Riku was staring at her from across the table, but she didn't have anything to say to him.

"Aqua," he said again, more forcefully. "What happened today?"

She shook her head. After fleeing the illusion of the dark realm, she'd hidden in her room and cried most of the day.

Pathetic, Van would've said. And he would've been right.

What was wrong with her? She was back in the light. That was supposed to be the end of her problems, her happily ever after! Instead she felt like a ticking time bomb, just as much as she'd been under the Dark Wind's power. Only this time, the only person she could blame was herself.

As much as she'd tried to hide it, Riku had caught on to her instability quickly. At first he had thought it best to leave her to prowl the Castle alone, but apparently his philosophy was changing.

"Aqua, I know what it feels like to be influenced by the darkness. You can talk about it if that's what you need to do. Believe me, I'm not going to judge you."

Again she shook her head. "It's not that."

Riku meant well, but she had only just met him, and he had plenty of problems of his own to deal with. The pile of papers he'd brought to the kitchen table proved that.

"Is it about Vanitas, then?" he asked when she didn't offer any more explanation.

Her skin pricked, her mouth twisting into a grimace. Did he have to interrogate her?

"I don't want to talk about it," she replied tersely.

"Fine," he said, raising his hands in a placating gesture and rising from the table. "I'll see if I can make contact with Mickey's gummi ship. Hopefully we can get you off of this world soon."

"...Thank you," she said reluctantly. He had backed off so quickly, she suddenly felt guilty for her tone. None of this was Riku's fault. If blame could be placed on anyone, it was her.

He left, and then it was just her, Drizzle, and her barely-touched plate of fried rice. It was actually quite good. It was a pity that now that her initial starvation had worn off, she didn't feel up to eating much.

"Alone again…" She belatedly regretted pushing Riku away. Drizzle fidgeted at her side, as if to remind her of his presence. "Except for you, of course."

He nodded at that. She wished the creature could talk, if only to spare her from the loneliness. Cute as he was, however, that would probably be incredibly creepy.

She sluggishly cocooned her plate in plastic wrap and stored it in the refrigerator. Then, without any sense of purpose, she set off to wander the halls. Heartless popped up now and then, but in this more frequently traveled section of the Castle, they were little more nuisance than bugs.

Just like bugs, however, more always returned to fill the place of those that were killed. An endless, pointless cycle…

"I can't go on like this," she finally admitted to herself, resting on her blade after slicing through a Darkball. "I should talk to Riku. Maybe he can help somehow…"

Suddenly Drizzle shook his head, and she frowned.

"What is it?"

He zipped up to her, and she almost thought she was being attacked—but then he just snagged something from her belt in his strange handless arm. Sliding back, he held up the object.

"Another Realm of Darkness card?" She had almost burned them, after the events earlier in the day, but at the last minute she had decided against it. "You don't think I should go back, do you?"

His antennae perked up, and he nodded, reaching out to hand her the card.

"No," she said firmly. "That place—it's not real. Van's not really there."

Going there again would be like eating Van's Prize Pod ice cream—it would be sweet for the moment, but it could never truly fill her.

Drizzle nodded more vigorously, still proffering the crown-edged card. Why would he want her to go back? He had shaken his head at her idea of talking to Riku…

"Then… Do you want me to talk to my memory of Van?"

He jumped, throwing his skinny arms in the air in a silent cheer. It was enough to drag a tiny laugh out of her. She still didn't take the card, though.

"Drizzle, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It's… really hard for me to see him. I mean, I want to see him, but for real. Doing this…" How could she explain it? The closest approximation she could manage was that it felt like cheating on him. Her face burned at the nonsensical thought.

Drizzle wasn't listening. Apparently realizing Aqua wasn't going to take the card, he became a glowing puddle and slid over to the door himself.

"Drizzle!" she shouted, running for him, but he had already somehow managed to activate the door. The card flashed away, and the Inversed was enveloped in light.

Well, I guess I don't have a choice, now.

At least this time she knew what to expect. This time she would be stronger. Steeling herself, she followed the disobedient creature through the door.

Again her eyes relaxed at the transition. Rather than appearing in the shriveled forest this time, however, she found herself standing completely sideways.

She yelped and stepped back from the edge of the floating platform. All around was an endless abyss. If she fell here in the illusion, would it be the same as falling in the real Realm of Darkness? She shuddered at the thought.

Drizzle didn't seem worried. He sat at the edge with his stubby legs swinging off the side.

"You're not a very good minion," she muttered to him, intending to haul him up by the scruff of his neck (assuming the Inversed had scruff?) and drag him back through the door.

Before she could, Van's voice interrupted.

"What are you doing to my Inversed?" He smacked her hand away from Drizzle and stared up at her with bafflement in his eyes.

Her heart constricted just as it had before. Light, this illusion looked just like him! How had she memorized his unruly hair, each spike sticking up at its own angle? How had her mind constructed his suit, woven of hundreds of veins of darkness?

She didn't question how she remembered his eyes. Gold and piercing, they were the first thing she had noticed when he'd revealed his face. Those eyes had terrified her, interrogated her, teased her, comforted her.

All her mental fortitude amounted to nothing—before she knew it, she was sobbing again.

"I'm a Keyblade Master, for light's sake!" she cried out, dropping to her knees. "Why—why am I—?" She hiccupped pitifully, burying her face in her hands. "Just go away! Leave me alone!"

"Sh...shut up," he murmured, kneeling in front of her. She knew by now that that was pretty much the best he could do at comforting. "Did I hurt you?"

"What?" she said through a sniffle. "N-no! I—augh! I am so pathetic!"

"What the—Aqua, what's gotten into you? Are you sick again?"

"No, I am not sick!" Why did he keep asking that? "Just because I'm upset at being possessed and that my best friend is fighting for his life right now and I can't do anything to help him doesn't mean I'm sick!"

"I… uh…" At a loss for words, he scooted over and placed an arm around her back. She desperately wanted to lean into him, but she couldn't. She couldn't let herself forget he was an illusion, or else… Who knew what she would do?

Finally, she managed to get her crying under control. She rubbed her puffy eyes, and for once, she was almost glad this Van was just an illusion.

But even if he was… maybe talking with him like Drizzle wanted would still help. She was already here, after all, and she was a firm believer that talking about problems helped… usually. She had a difficult time following her own advice lately.

As if reading her mind—and considering he was made from her memories, maybe he actually was—Van said, "Tell me what's going on."

"Do you promise to believe me if I do?" she asked, remembering the other illusion's reaction.

"Aqua, of course I'll believe you." Exasperation tinged his voice. "I don't think you could lie to save your life."

She took a deep breath.

"What if I told you that I was possessed by the Dark Wind, you sacrificed yourself to save me from the Realm of Darkness, and now you're an illusion I made out of my memories?"

He blinked. "...Okay, I still don't think you can lie, but you might've hit your head too hard trying one of your cartwheels."

She sighed. This was probably pointless anyway. He was a memory; she might as well be talking to herself. …She might be less insane if she actually was talking to herself.

"Nevermind," she backtracked, realizing that wasn't the most important question, anyway. Yes, she was concerned about Van, the real one, but there was nothing this Van could do about that.

So she chose a different topic, one thing that wouldn't stop itching at her despite her attempts to rationalize it. Whether he was a memory or not, it might be something Van could help her with.

"My darkness," she said, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. "If it didn't—I mean, if it doesn't get better when I—when we get out of here… what should I do?"

He snorted, in a way that was so him that it hurt.

"Don't you think we should worry about getting out in the first place?"

"Van, I'm serious. This is important," she insisted.

"I just don't think you need to worry about it," he said, though from the way his eyes dodged hers, he wasn't as sure as he claimed. "Light is who you are, Aqua. This stupid place can't take that from you."

Yes, but darkness was who you were, she thought with a frown. No, she was being too pessimistic; she should take that as a sign of hope. If someone as dark as him had come to the light, surely she could return.

If only she knew how.

"You're probably right," she said carefully, "but will you please answer me anyway? If I were to fall into the darkness…"

"That's not what's happened," he cut her off sternly. His arm grew tense around her. "Unless I missed something, you didn't choose the darkness. That means it can't hold onto you forever."

"But what if it does!" she finally burst out, throwing his arm off. Drizzle jumped at her yell, but thankfully didn't fall off the platform.

She expected him to shout back. To tell her she was being stupid. That she was fine, that it was all in her head.

Instead, he just stared at her intensely.

"Then I'll be here to bring you back."

Her throat constricted, as if it had turned traitor and decided to choke her. So without another word, she stood and fought the dizzying nature of the platform long enough to reach the door standing unsupported in its center.

Van called her name the whole time. For the second time that day, she didn't look back.

XXX

Something was wrong. Riku could smell it—a sickening stench, like fruit rotting in the sun. It wasn't nearly as bad as Ansem's smell, but it seemed like a watered-down version of something similar.

Something dark.

The scent trail took him far away from his intended destination of Castle Oblivion's library, but honestly, he was glad for a break from research. Being a Keyblade Master wasn't a glamorous job.

But he was used to that. Master or not, Sora would always be the hero. Riku was the one who worked quietly in the background and made sure his friend had the tools he needed. Right now that tool would be more information on Xehanort. If only Aqua had been able to tell him more about the dark Master… but he wasn't going to force her in her current mental and emotional state.

At least she had mentioned that her friend Vanitas might have more information on Xehanort than her. Apparently he had been the man's apprentice, of all things. Riku could only imagine what Xehanort would have taught him.

Before long Riku pushed open a door, only to be greeted with a sight and stench unlike any he'd faced since his Mark of Mastery.

"What in the—?"

In the center of the room, a violet pillar swirled like the eyewall of a hurricane. The dark energy flared halfway to the high ceiling. Bizarrely, Aqua's pet was fighting as if it wanted to go inside it.

Then he heard the scream. He snapped out of his trance and ran towards the sound with Way to the Dawn bared.

I shouldn't have left her alone. She was a Master, and Mickey trusted her; how could he have known she would find her way into danger so quickly?

Forget that—what mattered was getting her out of that dark pillar. Unfortunately, Riku still wasn't skilled with light spells. How else could he neutralize it?

Aqua screamed again. He could see her silhouette now, keyblade raised high overhead and clutched with two hands. The Flood was trying to pull her out by the fringe of her skirt-thing, but the pillar moved with her, as if… as if it was coming from her.

As it turned out, he didn't have to do anything. The darkness finally receded, dying out like a fire out of fuel. Aqua collapsed into the Flood's arms. Riku approached them carefully, mind reeling.

He knew what she'd said, but… that was a lot of darkness. Judging by the smell, it wasn't as much as his own had once been, but that was a small comfort.

"Nngh…" she groaned, eyes blinking open. "That… was a bad idea…"

"I would say so," Riku said, dismissing his keyblade and crossing his arms. "What in the worlds did you do?"

She winced, and her pet helped her to her feet. What had she named it again? Drizzle? Well, Sora had given some of their Dream Eaters worse names…

"Are my eyes golden?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"No," he replied with a raised eyebrow. Her eyes were as blue as they had been when they first met. "Should they be?"

"No. No, thank the light…" She sighed in relief. Drizzle still supported most of her weight. "I'm sorry. I was just so angry, and hurt and confused… I had to try to get rid of the darkness."

"It looks more like the darkness was trying to get rid of you." He looked her over, but aside from the sweat caking her hair and face, she seemed unhurt.

"I know…" After a moment of internal struggle, she said, "Riku, could I ask a favor of you?"

"Depends." He shrugged. "What is it?"

She swallowed.

"I… I need help fighting my darkness. I thought it might go away when Van got the Dark Wind out of me, but..."

He nodded, though inside he was wondering if he was up to the task. He liked to think that he had valiantly fought his darkness, but the Kingdom Hearts Encoder explosion had played a big part too.

"I know it's not that simple. I had to fight my darkness for a couple of years after Ansem—Xehanort's Heartless—was gone."

That seemed to crush the light in her eyes. Maybe that hadn't been the smartest thing to say to someone who was clearly having a rough day.

"But, I was mostly alone," he clarified. "Mickey and I will be here for you."

That was, if he ever got back from the Mysterious Tower…Mickey had a habit of disappearing from time to time; it was only natural when he had the duties of both a King and a Keyblade Master. Still, it wasn't like him to take this long when he'd promised Aqua he would help quickly. And it certainly wasn't like him to not answer calls to his gummi ship.

Aqua nodded in understanding. "Thank you, Riku."

Though she smiled, her eyes were distant, as if she were looking through him. Her pet's eyes on the other hand seemed to see straight through him in a different way. Like it was trying to decide if he was good enough to help its master.

What a weird thought. He shook it away, but he still couldn't help wondering: what in the Worlds had he gotten himself into?