Aqua guiltily admitted that Riku was a better teacher than Van. She should've been more grateful. With Riku's instructions on exactly how to use certain dark spells, she was able to more safely release the tension that built up inside her. He also gave her some meditation exercises that helped dampen her darkness before it could reach a boiling point. Those exercises, things like holding the images of the people she loved in her mind or picturing her favorite peaceful place, seemed to pull some of her old light back into her. Over those next few days, she started to feel almost like her old self again.

Maybe that was what felt wrong. Van was still in trouble, and here she was focusing on fixing herself! Where was Mickey? He should have been back days ago…!

She paced the length of the library. These weren't the tall oak bookshelves that she knew; they were as sterile and white as everything else in Castle Oblivion. A thick layer of dust betrayed the fact that most of the books hadn't been touched in ages. Even if she had been in the mood to read, they were thick scientific volumes that she would have had a hard time digesting.

"I told you, I don't know when he'll be back," Riku repeated for what had to have been the tenth time. And that was just today. "I managed to contact Master Yen Sid, but he said that Mickey left days ago."

"What?" She paused, and Drizzle, who had been following close behind, bumped into her. "When did you talk to him? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry, but you were clearly worrying anyway." He rubbed his temples. "I'm sorry about your friend, but there's honestly nothing I can do right now but wait."

She wanted to tear at her hair. Oh, just wait! As if Van wasn't fighting for his life this very instant! With the time distortion between here and the Realm of Darkness, he had to still be fighting, didn't he?

She clung to the theory that Drizzle would know if anything happened. He was made of Van's emotions. If Van were… if he were to die… surely the Inversed would have some kind of reaction.

Regardless of that reassurance, if she was trapped in this Castle much longer, her darkness was going to burst out again. She had never been this impatient before.

Is this just who I am from now on? Impatient, angry, ready to snap at people who are only trying to help me?

She forced herself to breathe deeply, counting the seconds between inhaling and exhaling. That had been something Van had taught her that Riku actually agreed with. It was also the technique that seemed to work best, despite its simplicity. Drizzle patted her back in the meantime, and she reached up to rub his head. A low rumble came from him; her eyes whipped up to his face.

"Did you just… purr?"

In answer, the Inversed made the noise again, a little louder. It did in fact sound like a pleased cat.

"That Flood gets stranger every day," Riku muttered to himself. His face was still stuck in a book that looked dense as an encyclopedia.

"I have to agree with that."

Purring… could Drizzle ever reach the point where he would be able to talk? It was probably too much to hope for, but considering she didn't have much else to hope for right now, she held onto it.

Sighing, she went back to her pacing. It just felt better to be walking, even if she didn't have anywhere specific to walk to. Eventually, though, she noticed that Riku hadn't turned a page in a while, and was actually staring at her over the top of his book.

"Am I bothering you?" she asked sheepishly. He grimaced.

"Don't worry about me. This research would be difficult no matter what you do or don't do."

"That's no reason for me to make things harder on you." She forced herself to sit down, though Drizzle kept pacing, as if trying to release her anxiety for her. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Riku shook his head, then ran his fingers through his bangs and exhaled deeply. "Do you know any spells for tracking someone across worlds, or for opening corridors of light?"

"What?" she asked in confusion. "Wait… tracking and corridors… are you working on how we can find Van?"

He shrugged. "I'm still partially working on our Xehanort problem. He tracked Sora using some kind of spell related to the Recusant's Sigil. I'd like to know if there's any way to reverse it to find out where he is now. That's unlikely to work any time soon though, so I thought we might as well use it to find your friend."

Aqua slunk down in her chair. Riku didn't even know Van, and yet he was doing more to help him than she could.

"Thank you, Riku. Really. I've just come bursting into your life, and you've been so helpful to me…"

"I'm kind of used to it, honestly. Don't worry about it."

It was in her nature to worry. Usually not excessively, and never to the point where it stopped her from acting, but she couldn't deny it. Her friends had all been a source of worry for her for so long now…

And now I'm worried about myself, too. It was easier when they were all I had to worry about…

Well, maybe she couldn't do anything for her friends or for herself right now, but she could try to do something for Riku.

"I'm not sure what kind of tracking spell you're talking about, but I know something about connections." She loosened the cord of her Wayfinder from around her belt. "I made these charms for me and my friends. Somehow while we were in the Realm of Darkness, Ven's found its way to us and opened up a door to the light."

"Really…" Riku mused. "When Sora and I escaped, it was because a letter from Kairi washed up on the beach."

His words quickly distracted her from the tracking spell problem.

"If both of those things worked, do you think we could send him something?" she asked eagerly.

"I don't see why not." He shrugged. He certainly didn't look as excited about the idea as she felt. "I'll see if I can contact Kairi. Maybe she can tell us how she sent the letter."

Wonderful. More calls. Kairi... Riku had mentioned that name before, and it had tickled something in the back of her mind. It still did, yet she still couldn't place it.

"I'll look for something to send while you find out."

She practically leapt out of the chair. She couldn't keep the spring out of her step, or the smile off her face. Maybe Riku didn't have too much faith in the idea, but it felt good to have a direction again. She belatedly realized that she had basically ignored his question about tracking spells and corridors of light, but she would have plenty of time to ponder on that. They still didn't know when Mickey would return, after all.

Drizzle kept at her heels as she navigated the hallways, unsure what she was looking for but trusting the Castle to take her there. The Heartless had appeared less and less frequently each day since she'd arrived, as if they knew she was here to evict them. Today she barely had to call down a few bolts of Thundaga on some straggling Blue Nocturnes.

After crossing through a few rooms, she ended up in what must be her intended destination. At least, it was a dead end, and it looked slightly different from the usual assortment of large squarish chambers with their various platforms and steps. This one was actually rather small, and—was that a window? While she had seen some windows from the outside, this was her first time looking out from within the Castle.

She stepped over and placed her hands against the glass, eyes straining through its yellow tint. Of course, there wasn't much to see—a few skewed turrets stabbed out into the darkness below, but beneath that was just a formless void. No sign of the forests and mountains she once knew. No sign of the sun.

Sighing, she turned away from the window and towards the only other object of interest in the room: a small white writing desk. She brushed her hand across it, feeling the swirling grain of the wood. So familiar, and so strange. There was no texture of paint; it was as if the wood itself was bone white.

Through the thin membrane of her suit, her fingertips picked up on a clue that her eyes had missed. A series of small scars in the wood. No, not scars—letters.

"Oh, Terra." She smiled, shaking her head fondly. Who would've guessed she'd be thankful for his vandalism?

This had once been her desk. She still remembered how angry her younger self had been when he had carved his name there. The rich brown hardwood was now white somehow, but the scratched-in name made it recognizable. She'd thought that all of her belongings were gone, but this made her wonder if the Castle's transformation had instead scattered them across the different floors and rooms. What other things of hers could be floating around, whitewashed beyond recognition? Knowing the Castle, if she really wanted to find them, the halls would lead her there.

But that wasn't her purpose at the moment. Castle Oblivion had brought her here for a reason; there was something she could send to Van here. She dug through the drawers on one side of the desk, while Drizzle pilfered the other. She had to stop him when he started tossing all of their contents over his shoulders.

"No no no," she scolded, catching a bottle of ink right before it hit the ground. Considering the ink itself had turned white, it probably wouldn't have made too much of a mess anyway. She carefully set it on the desk and began cleaning up the Flood's mess. Most of it was just paper—frustratingly blank paper. She thought one of the notebooks might have been her old journal, but if it was, her record was now vain.

She shook her head. It was such a small thing, her journal, but it seemed to represent something more. She couldn't recover the pieces of her old life any more than she could recover the bleached words.

It doesn't matter, she told herself. All her thoughts from back then seemed so silly now, anyway. Learning a new spell, hoping she wouldn't have the kitchen on her chore list, reading books about exciting places… She definitely had bigger worries now.

Drizzle scooped a few shards of glass out of a drawer before she shooed him away again. Those had been unused pieces for the Wayfinders. Other than a few more craft supplies and papers, her desk was unsurprisingly empty. She'd never had very many personal belongings. While she was sentimental, Terra and Ven hadn't been. She only had a few gifts from them, and those hadn't been stored in her desk.

"I suppose I could just write a letter." It wasn't the most creative option, but it was one that Riku had proven worked. Considering the only other object that had found its way to the Realm of Darkness was Ven's Wayfinder, and there was no way she would risk losing hers, a letter would have to do.

Drizzle hovered over her shoulder as she uncorked the ink… only to remember that it had turned white. Well, that wasn't much of a problem. While she didn't know how to restore words to the pages, her color magic could take care of something as simple as ink. She stuck her finger in the small bottle, and a rainbow shimmer passed through the liquid before it settled on a dark blue. She scrounged for one of her fountain pens, refilled it, and… realized she had absolutely no idea what to write.

She glanced over her shoulder and found her nose inches from Drizzle's face.

"Could you give me some space, please?"

The large Flood shrugged, zipped over to the window, and plopped down under it. Without him looming over her, maybe it would be a little easier to think. She leaned against the desk, wishing Castle Oblivion's strange magic had provided her with a chair, too.

The point of the letter wasn't really its contents; it was simply a focus point, something to forge another connection between her and Van and somehow open a new door. But to do that, she had to have something to say.

No, that was the wrong problem. She had too much to say, so many thoughts jumbling together, none of them could find their way out. Maybe putting them to paper would be as helpful for her as she hoped it would be for him.

Smoothing a blank sheet in front of her, she decided to start with the first things that came to mind. It wasn't as if she were in danger of running out of paper, after all.

Dear Van,

I hope you're alive. It's been seven days since you sent me back to the Realm of Light. I hope that means it's only been a few minutes for you. After all, we were stuck there for over ten years. Can you believe that? I hardly could. But that doesn't matter. The important thing is, I'm working on a way to rescue you. You didn't honestly think I would leave you there, did you? You're one of my best friends.

That… didn't exactly feel right. She wasn't sure why. Van was one of her best friends, along with Terra and Ven, but they weren't the same. Van was… how could she describe him? She hadn't taken the time to ponder what he was to her before. Between being possessed, escaping the Realm of Darkness, her frantic search for a way to save him, and her inability to process it all, she had forced the question to the back of her mind.

Her eyes scanned her writing. This wouldn't be her final draft; she knew that much already. So she saw no harm in working out her feelings on the paper.

You're not like Terra and Ven. I mean, you are, but you aren't. I know that sounds ridiculous. Sometimes your face looks just like Ven. Usually when you're sleeping.

Now that just sounded creepy. Not that she could've avoided watching him sleep when they took shifts keeping guard, but still. She crossed the line out anyway for good measure.

You have Terra's intensity sometimes. When you're training, when you really want to get a spell right. It was so fun to get to teach you magic. I felt like my old self again. I know I was supposed to be helping you, but I think it helped me more. And the look on your face when you finally mastered Curaga, that was priceless! You lit up as much as when we made ice cream. Your smile was absolutely adora

Blushing, she quickly scribbled out the sentence before she could finish. It shouldn't matter; he wouldn't see it anyway. She glanced over her shoulder, where Drizzle was still sitting obediently under the window. His eyes were even closed as if he was taking a nap.

There was no reason to be embarrassed. She called Ven adorable all the time. So why did this feel different? Maybe it was because Ven felt like her younger brother, while Van didn't. She pulled a face at the thought. Van couldn't feel like her brother, not when she felt—

"No," she told herself firmly, crumpling the letter in one hand.

She shouldn't think this way about him. He had just begun to understand friendship; she couldn't expect anything more from him. And, well, it wasn't like she had any experience with this emotion, either.

She rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head in her hands. She had enough on her plate with her darkness. The last thing she needed was to worry about how Vanitas felt about her.

"I'm hopeless," she groaned, grabbing a fresh sheet of paper.

Her heart seemed intent on leading her astray lately, but years of training had taught her to listen anyway. It beat a forceful rhythm as she poured its contents onto the new page.

Dear Van,

I love you. The words spilled off of her pen the way they never had from her mouth. It was a test. By putting it on paper, she gave her heart the opportunity to confirm or deny it.

As her insides warmed, she released the breath she'd been holding. Even if her face colored at the words, she wouldn't cross these ones out. They felt right.

With the dam broken, the rest of her words flowed freely.

I don't know if you have even felt love before. Whether you have or not, I still feel the same.

I love the way you never ever ever give up. That's how I know you're still fighting, and that you'll win. I love how you never gave up on ME, even when I blamed all my problems on you. You forgave me for actually killing you, too. I don't know how I can love you after all of that but I do. You probably think I'm crazy, and you're probably right. But I suppose it's no crazier than everything that's happened to us.

I love how you've changed for the better. I always said anyone can change, but I don't know if I really believed it until you did. I love that you actually LISTENED to me, even if you didn't always agree. You let me help you. I thought you would be too proud for that, but you did. Do you know how often Terra and Ven let me help them? They spent our whole time outside the Land of Departure running away from me. But not you. You stayed, even when it would have been easier for you to leave.

The Heartless wouldn't hurt you at first. Why did you stay with me? Were you really as bored as you said? I may have believed that at first, but I don't now. I did kill you, after all. You had every opportunity for revenge, and you didn't take it. At first I thought you were toying with me, just waiting for the right moment. But I think I was wrong. You really wanted the light, didn't you? Even if you didn't know it. You just wanted to stop hurting. I'm glad I got to be a part of that. I don't want you to hurt anymore.

I'm going to bring you back. I don't care what it takes. I know you would do the same for me, because you already did. Hold on, alright? I believe in you. I'll be there before you know it.

Love,

Aqua

Her hand shook by the time she set the pen down. Her handwriting was sloppy, a combination of her quick writing and lack of practice in recent times. The ink ran in several places, dark rivers eating at her words. For a moment she just stared at the paper. Those words… surprisingly, they did a decent job of expressing how she felt. She almost wished that they didn't. She hadn't been this honest with herself in a long time.

She should keep a journal again. She'd forgotten how useful it could be to put her thoughts on paper. Even though her feelings worried her, at least she could understand them now. She wouldn't have to wonder why Van felt different to her than Terra and Ven. Her other two friends had grown up as her brothers; it would be weird to think of them this way.

It was weird to think of anyone this way. Love… based on the old romance books she'd read, she'd expected it to strike more suddenly—like a wave, like lightning. But Van had crept up on her like the growing dawn.

She loved him anyway. There was no bottling that truth back up now that she'd put a name to it.

"I may be a fool, but at least I'll be an honest one," she mumbled to herself.

After blowing lightly on the ink, she folded up her "letter" and tucked it in her belt behind her world cards. True as it may be, she wouldn't be sending it. Van had a big enough ego as it was. Those words would either leave him utterly dumbfounded, or utterly insufferable.

She quickly drafted a second letter, which was much easier now that the first was off her chest. This one just promised that she was coming back and gave him some encouragement. She told him how proud she was of him, which was true. The other words she could save for when they were reunited in person.

An empty potion bottle provided a vessel for her newly finished letter. After deciding to take her wiped journal with her too, she called Drizzle and left the room. Her head was still spinning a little as her feet took her back to the library.

"Finally," Riku said with more than a hint of exasperation upon her entrance. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Wh—leave? Do you mean—"

"Mickey's back." He nodded, standing and striding past her, back to the door she'd come through. "Come on. They're waiting in the kitchen."

She wasted no time following. Finally, they were going to do something! Not only that, but soon she would get to see the sun. The bleak white of these walls had nothing on natural light.

"Aqua!" Mickey greeted, leaping from his chair upon seeing them. Also eating at the kitchen table were two redheads, one a teenage girl, the other a tall spiky-haired man. "I've got some more friends to introduce to ya. Say hi to Axel and Kairi!"

The man rolled his eyes.

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's Lea. L-E-A. Got it memorized?" He tapped his temple in a practiced motion.

Aqua wasn't quite sure what to make of him yet, but she was distracted by the light that radiated from the younger girl. A light she had felt before. A piece of her memory finally fell into place.

"I do know you." She walked closer, but the girl shrunk back in her chair and looked up skeptically.

"Um, I don't think we've met," she said.

Aqua blushed. It was the suit again, wasn't it? Of course, she didn't expect Kairi to remember much, but she wouldn't have that cornered look in her eye if it wasn't for the dark suit. Maybe Aqua should get rid of it, look around the Castle for an old white-washed outfit of hers instead…

No. If they reacted this way to her, it would be worse for Van. If they could get used to her, then they might be easier on him when he came back.

"It was a long time ago," she replied to Kairi. "You lived in Radiant Garden. Mickey and I protected you from the Unversed. Monsters," she clarified at the questioning look Kairi gave her, though it felt wrong to call them that now.

Kairi's eyes widened. "Monsters like that?"

She pointed to Drizzle, who twitched beside Aqua.

"Um… kind of." She sighed and waved Drizzle away. "It's a long story. But, does that mean you remember?"

"I… I'm not sure." Her eyes shut. "I think it feels a little familiar…"

"That's alright," Aqua said, keeping the sadness out of her voice. First Riku, now Kairi. Something had felt special about both of them, but they had only been kids. How much did she remember from her own childhood? Most of her time before training under the Master was a blur. "How do you know Mickey and Riku?"

"I grew up with Riku, and he knows the King."

Grew up… but they'd lived on two completely different worlds. Who had taken them through the Lanes Between? That couldn't be safe for children.

"I see. Well, it's nice to meet you." She smiled. At least that particular mystery was solved.

"Hey, are you forgetting about me?" Lea waved an arm.

"Do I know you too?" she asked.

It would be embarrassing if after all her disappointment at being forgotten, she neglected someone else too. She didn't think she knew anyone by the name of Axel or Lea, so

"Nah, I just wanted to make sure you get my name right before these three corrupt you." He jerked a thumb towards Riku, Mickey, and Kairi.

"You said it's Lea, right?" Aqua replied carefully, hoping she hadn't gotten the two names mixed up. She wouldn't want to accidentally deadname him, and was pretty miffed that Mickey didn't seem to care. "And, um, what are your pronouns?"

Lea blinked before breaking out in a wide grin.

"Finally, someone gets it right! And it's he/him, thank you very much."

She smiled back. It would be nice to have another trans friend again, even if she didn't plan on coming out in return any time soon.

Kairi just laughed. "You said you didn't care if we called you Axel."

"Yeah, well, I figured I was stuck with you guys saying that. No reason I have to let the new girl get into a bad habit."

Mickey interrupted the two redheads. "Alright fellas, are we ready to go?"

"Ugh, I guess." Lea shoved the last half of a roll into his mouth and stood.

"I'm ready for anything." Kairi smiled.

Lea swallowed the roll with a gulp and a grimace. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one Yen Sid's gonna blame for us taking a vacation…"

Aqua had no idea what he was talking about, but she bounced on her toes.

"I've been ready. Where are we going?"

Mickey smiled. "Right now Master Yen Sid wants to see you, and then we'll be off to Radiant Garden."

Radiant Garden. Aqua smiled widely. That had been one of her favorite worlds, between the blooming flowers and beautiful fountains. It had also been the last place she had seen Terra, the last place she'd seen the sun… that would be as good a place as any to look for answers.

And this time, I won't be alone.