Things I'm grateful for:
-Sunshine
-Drizzle
-Van
-Terra
-Ven
-This Gummi Ship
-Mickey knowing how to fly a Gummi Ship
-Not being here when Lea crashed the Gummi Ship
-Van
-Knowing Ven's safe even if he's not awake
-Real food
-Riku and Mickey and Lea
"You really think you can find the Chamber of Waking?" Lea asked, interrupting Aqua's journaling.
She snapped the blue notebook shut—she had spent some time coloring it again while waiting on the others in Radiant Garden—and looked up Lea.
"That's the one thing I'm confident I can find. If it exists as you say," she added. If it was a myth like he had feared, then obviously none of them would be able to find anything.
"Huh." He sat down in the seat next to her, stretching his legs out into the Gummi Ship's aisle. "Whatcha writing?"
"Nothing" was what she wanted to say, but that was silly. There was nothing embarrassing in what she was doing. Even if she'd belatedly realized she'd written Van's name twice, and had done nothing to correct that.
"I'm making a gratitude list. I thought it might help me focus my light."
She'd practiced her light magic earlier in the day, with mixed results. Sometimes her Lightbloom shotlock and Teleport Strike finish command would work as well as they used to, and sometimes they were still laced with darkness. Straight light spells had always been Ven's forte more than hers, but that was no excuse for her failure. The more she noticed the darkness, the more discouraged she grew, and the more difficult it became to channel her light. Like a downward spiral. She'd eventually given up and decided to decorate her journal instead, feeling that the distraction would be good for her. It had worked for the time being.
"Huh. Not a bad idea, I guess." He shrugged. "Roxas was always good at light spells. I wish I could tell you what he did, but I think it just came naturally to him."
"Well, some people are just fortunate like that." She suppressed a sigh.
She used to be fortunate like that…No, this was no time for self-pity.
"What was Roxas like?" she asked.
Lea chuckled, his eyes lighting up.
"He's a funny kid. We met in Organization XIII—he was a Nobody like me. Only, he was different from the rest of us. Most of us keep our memories, but he woke up blank as a zombie."
"That sounds like Ven," Aqua interjected with a smile. "When Master Xehanort left him to train with us, he had been in a coma. When he woke up, he didn't remember anything."
"Heh. You have to teach him everything, then?" Lea asked.
"Yes. Those were some of our fondest memories together. It was difficult at first, and of course the Master helped, but Terra and I really helped him learn the important things."
"Like what ice cream is?" Lea grinned.
She laughed a little.
"Well, I guess… What about you?" she asked, realizing she'd derailed him from the original question. "Did you teach Roxas many things?"
"Too many, probably. And still not enough." He ruffled his hair sheepishly. "He always had these big questions. About why we needed hearts, and what love is, and what friends are supposed to do, and why he had the keyblade. I think that's why he left, because I couldn't give him good enough answers."
A somber look clouded his eyes. Aqua still didn't know Lea's whole story, but she had never felt right pressing him for it. She hoped that sharing this was good for him, and not dragging his mood back down.
"I'm sure it wasn't your fault," she replied, even though she had no way of being sure at all. What did she know?
Well, she did know that Lea cared for his friend. That was enough.
"I lost Ven too, you know. I couldn't protect him."
"I know. We wouldn't be trying to get to the Realm of Darkness if you—wait. Ven—is that different from Van?"
"Huh? Oh." she laughed. "Yes. Ven is short for Ventus. He was an apprentice with me. Van is short for Vanitas, he… wasn't."
She tapped her fingers on the front of her journal, hoping the noise would cover some of the awkwardness in her voice.
"Ah. Gotcha." He nodded. "Ventus… why do I feel like I've heard that name before…?"
Aqua didn't have time to ask, because Drizzle came zipping up the aisle towards her. He popped out of the floor and sprang up onto Lea's lap. Lea made a choking sound and tried to shove the Flood away, but the creature kept a tight grip on his neck. Aqua couldn't help laughing.
"That's his seat you took," she explained to Lea, who was still fighting the spontaneous hug.
"Someone could've told me instead of assaulting me…!"
Riku followed behind Drizzle at a slower pace.
"Thanks for letting me borrow him, Aqua. We're about to land at Castle Oblivion soon."
"It's no trouble," she replied as Lea finally slipped out from under Drizzle, leaving him in the chair next to Aqua. "Did you have fun with Riku, Drizzle?"
He purred and nuzzled her in response.
"He seemed to like the Shield Cookies I fed him," Riku said. "I think he acts more like a Dream Eater than a Heartless or lesser Nobody."
"What are you, Even and Ienzo's apprentice now?" Lea snorted, crossing his arms and leaning over the back of Drizzle's seat.
"I don't have to be a scientist to care about what kind of creatures we're working with."
"Wait, you said he ate something?" Aqua interrupted. "I didn't know Unversed—or Inversed for that matter—could eat."
Lea's brow furrowed. "It doesn't have a mouth."
Riku just shrugged in response to that, and then the Gummi Ship was landing. Lea clutched the chair to keep from falling over when the ship slowed and gently hovered to the ground.
All of Aqua's earlier anticipation came rushing back. She shoved her journal and pen into a pocket she'd created on the inside of her skirt. Barely waiting for Mickey to give the all-clear, she rushed to the door with Drizzle on her heels.
"Yo, it's not a race!"
It didn't matter. What mattered was that her keyblade could be here; she could be one step closer to rescuing Van. She didn't care if that chance was slim. The large double doors opened at her mental command, not even waiting for her to use Master Keeper.
Against her instincts, she waited for the others to catch up before leading them into the depths of the Castle.
The Chamber of Waking, Chamber of Waking, Chamber of Waking… She repeated the name in her mind, willing the Castle to lead her there. Thankfully she and Drizzle didn't have to use cards to fight like the other three, so they took care of most of the Heartless that inevitably appeared on their way.
"I hope this one doesn't have as many secret layers of security as the Chamber of Repose," Lea commented as they went.
He had summoned his keyblade, a fiery looking thing, even though it wouldn't do much without cards. He was the only one besides Aqua who hadn't brought a deck with him.
"Me too," she agreed. The tugging in her heart assured her that she was close now, in spite of the lack of landmarks.
Then, to her surprise, they did reach a landmark she recognized. The Wielder's Mark, the same symbol fastened to the center of her Wayfinder, glowed on the door at the end of the room. She knew what lay beyond that door.
"Ven," she whispered, halting in the center of the room. Why had the Castle brought her here? She wanted to find the Chamber of Waking, not—
"Ohhh," she breathed, feeling like a complete fool. "Of course."
"What?" Lea asked. "Is this it or not?"
"It is." She sighed. "But… it's not what we're looking for."
"How do you know?" He approached the door, but she ran to cut him off.
"No." She stood firmly. "This place… there's a reason you never found it. This is between me and him."
"Him?" Riku asked, striding up beside Lea.
"Ven. Ventus," she clarified. "I checked on him before you found me here. He's safe enough, but…"
How could she explain? The heartless body of her friend was resting in there, and it felt wrong to bring in outsiders, no matter how well-intentioned. Like violating a tomb.
No! She couldn't think like that. He was alive. He was alive.
She wiped her damp eyes, accidentally brushing the blue flower Drizzle had given her from her hair. He slid across the floor to pick it up and hand it back.
"Thanks."
"So Ven's still safe?" Mickey asked hopefully. "When you didn't come back, Yen Sid and I never knew what happened to him. Gosh, has he been here this whole time?"
Aqua nodded, twirling the flower's stem back and forth between two pinched fingers.
"He's still asleep, though. I don't know how to return his heart yet. That will be my next task after rescuing Van."
Mickey nodded at that. "Alright. I can respect you wanting to keep him safe, Aqua. But where are we gonna look next?"
All eyes went to hers, even Drizzle's glowing blue ones. She swallowed, trying not to feel the pressure of their combined gaze. She'd hoped that if this didn't work out, one of them might have another idea, but now…
"The Keyblade Graveyard," she whispered. Drizzle twitched violently at the words.
"The what?" Lea asked at the same time Mickey exclaimed, "There?"
"I… it's the only other place I know Xehanort had a connection to. And it would be a good hiding place."
She tried to suppress a shudder of her own. The Keyblade Graveyard… the last place Ven was awake. The last place Terra was himself. The place she faced off against Vanitas in Ven's body…
It was the last place she wanted to visit. But what else could she do?
"Okay," Mickey agreed, "but I think we should wait 'till morning now. It's pretty late. We should all get some rest before going… there."
"Yes." She nodded emphatically. Anxious as she was, sleep would be a welcome buffer before facing that horrid wasteland again.
"'Scuse me, is anyone gonna tell me what this place is?" Lea asked again, less patiently this time. "If I don't get to see inside the Chamber I spent years looking for, at least give me that much."
"I'll tell ya later," Mickey assured him. "I think we should give Aqua some time right now, though."
"Thank you." She forced a smile for him. For once he hadn't asked if there was anything he could do, which she appreciated. She just… needed a moment…
When the three of them were gone, she knelt on the ground and let the tears leak down her face. Why? Why did she keep getting her hopes up? How was hope supposed to help her fight the darkness, if all it did was flee as soon as she got close?
Drizzle sunk down beside her and rested his head on her shoulder. It wasn't enough to comfort her right now, though. Her hand went to clutch her Wayfinder, but it first brushed against her journal hidden in her skirt. On a whim, she pulled it out and flipped to her last entry.
Things I'm grateful for:
-Sunshine
-Drizzle
-Van
-Terra
-Ven
-This Gummi Ship
-Mickey knowing how to fly a Gummi Ship
-Not being here when Lea crashed the Gummi Ship
-Van
-Knowing Ven's safe even if he's not awake
-Real food
-Riku and Mickey and Lea
She fought the frustration-driven impulse to scribble the whole thing out. Why bother being thankful when none of those things were helping her save Van? When in spite of being in the light, her life was still one long series of coming up short?
She almost ripped out the page. Almost. Instead, she forced herself to take out her pen… and keep writing.
-Being alive
-Knowing my friends care about me
-Being free from the Dark Wind
-My eyes not being yellow
-Decorating this journal today
-Drizzle's flower
-How the wind felt on my face
-Even and Ienzo trying to help even though I don't really know them
-Not needing cards to fight in Castle Oblivion
Her pen scribbled recklessly. Some of her thoughts were deeper than others; some were more specific, some more general. It didn't matter to her. What mattered was that they were all things that were real. Her doubts, her worries, her fears: those were the lies she told herself, the lies that tried to stop her from trying. Tried to make her believe that everything was horrible and hopeless.
"It's not hopeless," she told herself out loud, because she needed to hear herself say it. "There's… there's always a way…"
"Yes."
Aqua quickly looked up from her journal, which was now stained with a few clear blots. Was that… that hadn't been her voice, had it? "Who's there?"
"Yes," the voice repeated. It was soft, high-pitched, and a little fuzzy. Where was it coming from?
"Did you hear that?" she asked Drizzle.
"Yes." He nodded, and she gasped. Was he—
"Are you—Drizzle, is that you?"
"Yes!" his little voice chimed happily.
She scrambled away from him in shock, scattering her journal, pen, and the flower. The Inversed tilted his head.
"Yes?"
"You—you can talk now," she said in disbelief. Then a grin burst onto her face. "You can talk now!"
"Yes!" He bounced up and flung his skinny arms in the air.
Had all of his purring led up to this? To being able to form real words? It seemed impossible, even for an Inversed as unique as him.
"This is great! Is there any way you can get a message to Van now?" she asked, daring yet again to hope.
His antennae twitched.
"Y-yes?" He sounded unsure. Was 'yes' the only word he could say? "Y-yes… No." He nodded definitively. "No."
Her heart fell again. "Can he send a message to us? Can you feel him?"
Drizzle's eyes clenched shut. For once, he went still.
"Yes… feel. Feel…"
"Feel what? What does he feel?" She stood and gripped his shoulders, probably more firmly than she should have. In her haste she almost crushed the blue flower that had fallen to the floor.
"Feel… feel?" He started twitching again, more frantically before. Had she scared him?
"I'm sorry." She quickly let go and took a step back, but he launched himself at her, throwing his skinny arms around her shoulders.
"Feel… don't go. Don't go…"
"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him, patting his back. "Or is that what Van's feeling? Does he want me back?"
"Yes? No? Feel?"
Well, just because the Flood could speak didn't mean his words would make sense. For all she knew he was mostly repeating words she'd said at some point or another, like a parrot.
"It's okay. Don't worry." She held Drizzle, comforting the shaking creature as he had comforted her so many times before.
"Don't go. Don't go… feel… no…"
His small voice shook as badly as his body. What had upset him so much? Had it been something she'd said? Or was it something from his connection to Van?
"No one's going anywhere, Drizzle… Drizzle?"
Something was wrong. Something beyond his shaking, beyond the tremor in his voice. Her eyes had been closed, but she blinked them open. And gasped.
White mist was wisping from Drizzle's form.
"Drizzle!" She clung to him tighter, as if she could hold the mist in place. "What's happening?"
"Don't go… don't… Awk-wa…"
Her breath hitched as she tried to say his name. "No… no…" She shook her head, searching for a Potion. If he could eat a Shield Cookie, he could drink the healing item, right? Her hands shook as she searched her commands.
"Feel… yes?" He took the green drink she offered. She still didn't see any mouth, but he held it to the bottom of his head and tilted it until it disappeared. "Feel… no."
He shook his head, dropping the bottle. Green dregs spilled on her journal, but she didn't care. His form was still slowly dissolving.
"Why?" she cried. "Why now? You can finally talk to me, Drizzle, I don't understand!"
"No…" He shook his head again, as if he didn't understand either. The white smoke seemed to evaporate faster at the motion. "Don't go… feel… feel...!"
Tears fell down on her journal between them, joining the potion dregs. The top page was thoroughly ruined by now. Fitting, because her heart felt the same way.
"Drizzle… please… don't leave me too…" she choked out. It didn't make any sense! Not unless… unless… "Is it Van? What's happening to him?"
His left antennae and arm had evaporated by now. She could hardly watch through her tears, but she did see him nod.
"No…" She clenched a fist over her heart. "We have to help him! I can't lose him too!"
Drizzle—or what was left of him—either didn't hear or wasn't able to respond to her desperate shout. He fell to the ground—no, he was kneeling, with his one leg that was still whole. His arm reached to scoop up something lying there. Her flower.
"Awk-wa… feel…"
With a touch as gentle and light as snow, he tucked the flower behind her ear. That arm and his face were about all that was left. She clung to that arm with a trembling hand, feeling panic overtake her.
"Cure!" she shouted. Of course, the green glow did nothing for him. "Light, Cure!"
She yelled a curse. Aqua didn't curse, but she did now. She cursed against the light, the darkness, and the void in between. Against everything that had first cursed her.
"Feel… ll...llll…" Drizzle's newborn voice faded with the last shreds of her hope.
The white mist, the vapor that had once been him, hung in the air. Then with a faint gasp, it rose to the ceiling and was gone.
Aqua fell to her knees. Her heart screamed as if Drizzle had been created from her own emotions, not Van's. Her voice wordlessly joined it.
Gone. Drizzle, her unlikely, affectionate friend, was gone.
"Drizzle… Van…!" Something snapped in her, a pillar that had supported her this whole time in the Realm of Light.
Van was dead. He had to be. Why else would his Inversed disappear so suddenly?
Grief and rage mixed in her chest, swirling together like ice and fire. Her fingers splayed over her journal, ripped the page she'd been writing on from the binding.
What was there to be grateful for? Van was dead. Ven was heartless, good as dead as well. And Terra… if he wasn't dead, he probably wished he was.
And Aqua herself? She felt the darkness rising in her veins. A power feeding on the frozen fire of her grief and despair.
"I… maybe I should be dead too…"
Not sparing a thought for how pathetic she looked, she curled into a ball. The paper crumpled in her trembling fist.
Give up. Give in. It's over.
It's over…
The darkness fed on that thought and multiplied, freezing her from the inside out. What was the point in fighting it? Darkness had taken each of her friends in turn. Why should she be any different?
"Van… Terra… Ven… I'm sorry."
She lay there, sobbing into the emptiness, until unconsciousness finally took her.