A/N: If you read the original Shadows Alight, this chapter begins the new content that you won't find in the original (unedited) version.
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"Woah!" Ven disengaged his armor as his glider touched down, letting Aqua see the bright smile she missed so dearly. "Look at this place! I've never seen this many flowers."
They landed on a grassy hill, blanketed in vibrant blossoms of every color. Even Radiant Garden in its prime hadn't been this verdant.
"Not a bad place to make camp." Van dismissed his mask. "Plenty of cover."
Aqua nodded.
They had decided to split up from Sora and his friends at Castle Oblivion. Sora's next stops were to pick up Riku and Kairi, followed by tracking down the Xehanorts. Even if the Gummi Ship was able to hold all eight of them, Aqua had enough excitement for one day. Enough for her whole week, honestly.
As she set up her tent, she glanced at Ven. He stood awkwardly, like he wasn't sure how to help. Ven didn't have a tent of his own, but Aqua would cross that bridge when she came to it.
"Do you mind making a fire pit?" she asked him instead.
It wasn't strictly necessary with magical fire, but this was an uncharted world. She'd glimpsed a settlement by the sea as they flew in. If anyone happened across them in the night, it would be best not to spook them with a floating Fira.
"Sure!" Ven agreed too quickly. "I'll go get some rocks."
He sprinted towards the creek they'd noticed on their flight over. Away from her again.
"He sure has the energy of someone who slept for twelve years." Van shook his head.
His green tent was nearly up, but he was still wrangling with a stray pole that stuck out at an odd angle.
"Ven's always energetic like that," she replied, glancing back in the direction he'd gone. "If anything, he's quieter than normal."
He'd hardly spoken through the Lanes Between. This all must have been overwhelming for him, but she couldn't help the strange feeling as his glider followed slowly behind, not taking the lead like he always had before.
She had been chasing after him for so long. She'd never expected to feel like the one leaving him behind.
"Must not be a lot to talk about if he's just been asleep." Van shrugged. "Unless he had any weird dreams, I guess."
That was true. She shouldn't take it personally. She was the one who'd changed. It was up to her to bring back what they'd had before, and make him feel at home again.
Van's pole sprung back out with a thwang, and he cursed. She chuckled and moved to hold it in place, while he knelt to secure it properly. Their actions were in perfect sync, automatic. It was a warm comfort compared to the strange distance between her and Ven.
"I would've gotten it eventually," he grumbled. She couldn't be too upset at his complaining, because he gave her a kiss on the cheek anyways.
"I know." She smirked. "I just think you're cute when you let me help you."
He blushed, but didn't argue, which was a victory on its own. As they moved, his shoulders bumped against hers gently.
For a moment, it was just like their usual routine. Setting up camp. Flirting. Occasionally arguing.
"So, uh." He tried to brush the green stains off of his knees, to no avail. "Ven can take my tent, I guess. The grass looks pretty soft, anyway."
"No one's asking you to give up your tent," she said quickly.
Did he still think he wasn't deserving of comfort? Or was he just trying to be polite, to prevent unnecessary tension?
"I kind of owe him one, don't I?" He ran a hand through his hair, and his bangs fell back into his face. "If we're supposed to be starting over, it wouldn't hurt to start on the right foot. Right?"
"I don't think Ven's going to hold it against you if you want to sleep in your own tent. He can use mine." That would be the most fair way to avoid straining relationships with either of her boys.
Van snorted.
"So it's okay for you to sleep in the grass, but not me?"
"That's not what I meant," she huffed, grabbing the mallet from the ground and pounding in one of her tent stakes, only to remember that she'd forgotten to raise the last pole. "Ven's my friend. It's not a sacrifice to give up something for a friend."
Van disappeared around the other side of her tent, pushing the forgotten pole through with more care than he'd given to his own.
"Giving up something is a sacrifice by definition," he said.
She rolled her eyes, but accepted the end of the pole and secured it.
"Now you're just arguing to argue."
"I'd say you're right, but that would kind of defeat the point of arguing."
Though she couldn't see him around the tent, she could hear the grin in his voice. She shook her head fondly.
"What am I going to do with you?"
He stepped around, flashing a teasing smirk that made her heart race.
"Well, I've got a few ideas—"
Behind them, someone cleared their throat.
In sync they both turned toward the voice, keyblades flashing to hands. But it was just Ven, standing in the clearing with his arms full of rocks.
"Oh." Aqua let out a breath of relief, dismissing her weapon. "Sorry, I'm still not used to…"
To camping with anyone but Van, really. Since when had Ven gotten so quiet—or since when had she gotten so careless? He'd never been able to sneak up on her before, no matter how distracted she was.
"It's okay." Ven crouched and summoned a keyblade to carve out a pit for the fire. Strangely, he didn't wield it backhand—and it wasn't Wayward Wind.
"Woah." Van crouched down and peered at the unfamiliar black-and-gold blade.
Ven's old one had been nearly black and gold too—though Wayward Wind's black had been more of a dark gunmetal, and the gold more warmly saturated than this new weapon. It had been far blunter, too. Aqua suppressed the instinct to reach out and tell Ven to be careful with something so sharp.
"Where'd you get this?" Van flicked the keychain at the weapon's end. It wasn't a shape she recognized. "Looks kind of…"
"Spikey?" Ven gave a crooked smile. "I don't remember, actually. But it feels right."
He'd used Wayward Wind to create his glider earlier. Aqua hadn't seen him swap keychains; he must have done it while gathering the rocks.
"Does it have a cool name?" Van asked. "I hope you didn't name a cool weapon like that something stupid."
"Why don't you help me out if you're gonna keep asking questions?" Ven said lightly, bumping Van's arm away with the pommel of his keyblade.
Van hopped back, surprised by the contact. Then he laughed and started setting the rocks in a ring around the pit. Aqua joined in, not wanting to shirk her share of the chores. Even if Ven had said it was okay, she owed him at least this much help, after forgetting he was there and literally pulling a weapon on him. What was wrong with her?
She'd arrange Ven back into the rhythm of her life soon, though. She had to. It wasn't like Ven had anyone else left—which was also maybe her fault. She tried not to feel too guilty about that yet. She could only repay one debt at a time.
"Its name is Missing Ache," Ven said after a moment of quiet digging. "It's kind of fitting…"
Missing Ache. Meaning he was no longer aching, or that he was aching because something was missing?
"How so?" she asked.
He flinched.
"It's nothing." He laughed, a strangely bitter sound. "It's literally nothing. Don't worry about it."
Aqua couldn't not worry. Ven knew that.
"Alright," she said anyway.
Van looked between her and Ven. So the friction was thick enough for him to feel, too. Edges scraping against each other, until the grooves of their puzzle pieces no longer matched up…
Despite Van's reassurance, she couldn't help wondering if their friendship had been shifted by more than just time apart.
If they'd both been crumbling long before that.
Ven no longer had his Wayfinder. Presumably it was still lost in the Realm of Darkness, where it had once saved her and Van. The realization left her feeling more anchorless than before.
But what was a friendship that had to rely on magic to hold it together?
She would still make him a new one, like she had for Van. Even if Ven had hardly appreciated it the first time. It would be fine.
It had to be fine.
Van squeezed her hand, and she looked up. The fire pit was finished—no thanks to her. So much for apologizing via chores.
"Sorry," she said automatically, trying not to let the frustration and exhaustion seep through.
"Don't fall asleep yet." Van's smile wavered a little. "We haven't even decided who gets the tents."
"They're your tents," Ven said quickly. "You should get them. Besides, I've slept long enough, remember?"
Aqua frowned. She refused to let Ven sacrifice anything else for her sake. She could barely handle the guilt collecting in her gut as it was.
"Really, it's no trouble—"
"I mean it." Ven stabbed Missing Ache into the dirt.
Aqua stifled her flinch. Van still felt it through their linked hands.
"I just." Ven ran a hand through his hair, taking and releasing a deep breath. "I don't need either of you to pity me."
Her brow furrowed. "I wasn't—"
"I know. You're not meaning to, and I'm saying this all wrong." He sat down at the edge of the fire pit, leaning against the support of his blade. "I'm still getting used to… being a person again, I guess? I just need some space. And I'm not gonna ask you two to share."
Aqua blinked. She and Van had talked about sharing a bed before, though she hadn't been emotionally composed enough to try it yet. She wasn't emotionally composed enough now, either. Maybe she never would be.
Maybe she didn't need to be.
Van would understand if she ended up feeling uncomfortable—but she didn't think she would. Most of her fears had faded after coming out to him.
She wanted to feel his warmth against her. To hear his breaths like she had in the Realm of Darkness, long before she'd been able to appreciate them. She wanted to fall asleep with her head on his chest, or his head on hers…
She blushed.
She'd never taken off her silicone breasts in front of him—mostly because her dark suit had prevented it anyway—but there was no reason to put it off now. She trusted him. He knew her in a way that only Ven, Terra, and her Master had before.
"I wouldn't have a problem with sharing," Van said, "but I don't think Aqua—"
"I want to," she interrupted quickly, flushing even hotter. "To share a tent with you. I think that's a great idea." Her voice came out a little hoarse sounding, and she prayed that Ven didn't notice.
He just looked between the two of them, as if he hadn't expected them to agree so quickly.
"That wasn't what I meant…" he mumbled, then buried his head in his hands. "Whatever. Just—please don't do anything too weird, okay?" He fixed Aqua with a look that was almost a glare.
"We're not having sex, if that's what you mean," Van said without a trace of embarrassment.
Aqua nearly choked. He wasn't wrong, of course, but did he have to put it so bluntly? In front of Ven, of all people? She wanted to melt into the rocks she sat on.
"...Maybe I should have stayed asleep," Ven said, looking up at the dusky sky.
"No." Aqua let go of Van's hand, reaching across the pit to grasp Ven's. "We're not going to be weird. We're normal."
Van snorted.
"We're normal," she insisted, regardless of if she believed it. "We can be normal."
Ven laughed a little. There was a bittersweet lilt to it.
"You don't have to pretend for me. Nothing stays the same forever." Ven smiled a little, and in that moment, he looked older than ever. As if those blue eyes had been open for the past twelve years. "After everything that's happened, I hardly know what normal is anymore."
Van nodded in agreement.
"Everything's weird, and I get to sleep with my girlfriend. Great talk everyone." He clapped his hands on his knees as he stood. "Now stand back. We've got a whole hole here. We might as well have a fire."
Aqua giggled a bit as she stood from the ring of rocks. His bluntness was nice, sometimes. He could point out something and then move on, without getting tied down by worries like she did. She needed that.
Ven froze as Van cast Fira. His strange expression snapped her out of her affectionate thoughts.
Responsibilities. Friendship. She could do this. This should be what she was best at. So why did she feel so lost?
"Ven…?" she asked tentatively before she could stop herself. What did she even want to ask?
For a moment, Ven stared into the flames, transfixed. Then he snapped free of the spell and stepped behind her.
"Ven…?" she asked tentatively before she could stop herself. What did she even want to ask?
"I'm fine." He said quietly, voice lacking emotion. "Are you? With the way things are now, I mean."
She blinked, fighting the sudden, unexpected panic in her chest.
Out of the corner of her eye, Missing Ache still loomed, casting shadows that flickered in the firelight.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, somehow keeping her voice confident. Thankfully Ven was facing away from her. "You're awake. We're together again. What else could I ask for?"
Nothing stays the same forever. The words echoed in her head, dark as a eulogy.
Ven bristled, his fists clenching.
"Don't lie to me, Aqua. I've had enough of being left in the dark."
"If you know I'm lying, why did you even ask?" She couldn't hide the edge to her voice, even as it sliced at the cords she'd fought to hold onto for so long.
"Because I thought you might've changed. That you might be honest with me, for once."
She kept her gaze firmly focused on his keyblade, a dark scar through the flames.
"I have been honest with you. I didn't hide my relationship with Van. I didn't hide what happened to Terra." Her voice cracked with desperation. "What more do you want from me?"
His hand clasped around her wrist, making her jump. She swallowed, trying to calm her heartbeat. This was just Ven, she reminded herself. Her Ven. Unfortunately, that was becoming less reassuring by the second.
"I want–-" he took a deep breath, fingers tightening on her wrist, "—to know what happened to you. I want to know what happened to me." His voice cracked.
She turned around. Despite his vice grip on her arm, his back was still to her.
"Everyone says I've been asleep for twelve years. I don't buy it."
Her head tilted. So he was still confused after waking up? She could handle that. She straightened her shoulders, trying to exude all the confidence and authority that she didn't feel.
"I promise, Ven. That's the truth. I know it seems like a long time, but—"
"Just like it was the truth that I grew up with you and Terra, right? That I just lost my memories in a training accident?" His shoulders shook. "I remember things, Aqua."
"Things from—before?"
Her head hurt. Those memories had been trapped inside Van, as far as she knew. Had their two hearts connecting restored some of them?
Ven shook his head.
"Not Vanitas's memories. Not Sora's either, this time. They feel like mine," he said firmly. "But they're in bits and pieces. Something about the fire reminds me, but... It's like trying to remember a dream. But it had to… it had to be real."
A tear dripped from his shrouded face, landing on the metal of his boot. Sliding off as if it were never there at all.
"Because if it wasn't… then why do I miss them so much…?"
Aqua bit her lip. She had no idea what he was talking about—and no idea how to fix it, or even how to comfort him.
"Sorry." Ven laughed a little, though it sounded hollow. He wiped his forearm across his face. "I didn't want to make you feel worse. But you deserve to know the truth, even if it hurts."
"It's fine," she was quick to reassure him.
Suddenly, he whirled to face her, keyblade in hand. Wayward Wind. Despite her shock, she was relieved not to be on the other side of Missing Ache.
But—how had he done it? The keychain—he hadn't had time to change it.
"I'm not the Ven you remember! How is that fine?" he shouted, loud enough that birds fled from the surrounding trees.
"I doubt I'm the Aqua you remember, either."
She kept her voice steady, despite how shaken she felt. Ven needed her to be strong. Her hand clenched around her Wayfinder, but it didn't give her the comfort she sought.
"But we're still us," she said more quietly. "We're still here. Isn't that enough?"
He shook his head, keyblade lowering.
"Am I still me?" His free hand gripped the metal sigil over his chest. "I don't feel like… you can't treat me the same. We can't pretend that everything's okay."
"Why can't we?" she retorted. "You said it was okay! You forgave Van, and you… forgave me… right?"
Fear clawed at her heart. Darkness. More proof that nothing was the same.
"This isn't about forgiveness, Aqua. Look, I messed up way worse than you—but I'm not going to apologize in circles. I want to live, for once, without being stuck in the past."
"You're the one who cares so much about what you can't remember," she snapped before her good sense could catch up to her.
Ven grit his teeth. The fire's reflection flashed in his eyes, but his keyblade disappeared.
"I remember that you always think you're right. I thought you might've changed, but I guess some things do stay the same forever." He snorted. "Goodnight, Aqua."
What? After all of that, he was just going to—to run away, like he always did—!
"The sun's still up!" she shouted after him. Uselessly.
"Never stopped me before!"
He ducked into Van's tent, somehow managing to make the zipper sound as angry as a slamming door.
Wait. Van's tent.
Van.
She looked back towards the fire pit. He was sitting on a log that hadn't been there before, roasting a marshmallow on the end of a stick.
"So, uh," he said through a marshmallow that was already in his mouth. "Is he always like that, too?"
She let out a growl, and he held out the stick. The marshmallow on it wasn't completely charred, shockingly.
"Marshmallow?" he asked with a tentative smile.
She stomped over to him, ripped the marshmallow off of his stick, and shoved it in her mouth. It tasted delicious. She hated it. At least the stickiness kept her from screaming, though.
She sat down on the log. Unfortunately, the angle gave her a perfect view of Missing Ache.
Wait. If Missing Ache was—then how had Ven summoned Wayward Wind? There couldn't be… no one could wield two keyblades at once. There must be some other explanation, or… something.
Don't worry about it, he'd said. And then he had the nerve to act like she was hiding things? All she'd done was tell him the truth! Everything was fine!
"Maybe I should roast my next marshmallow over you instead," Vanitas said, wiggling his stick over her head.
She snatched it from his hand and snapped it in half.
"Maybe I should snap you in half next," she threatened.
"Is that an offer, or…?"
His grin was so annoying. She kind of wanted to kiss it off of his face, and she kind of wanted to keep boiling in rage.
Instead of either, she slumped and dropped her head in her hands. She'd threatened her boyfriend, of all people. Van didn't deserve to get caught in the crossfire of… whatever mess she and Ven were in.
"What's wrong with me…?" she groaned into her palms.
"You saw Ven for the first time in twelve years and remembered how annoying he is. Makes sense to me." Van shrugged.
"He's not annoying," Aqua said automatically, despite everything. "Ugh. I mean, he is annoying, but not like this. He's hurting, and I keep being stupid and making everything worse every time I try to fix things."
A small Drizzle hopped up into her lap. Its positivity skimmed off of her like oil on water—but she was grateful for the thought. She scratched the Inversed between the antennae, and it purred as if there was nothing wrong.
"I thought everything was okay," she confessed to Van. "I mean, Ven was acting strange, but it didn't seem like… I don't know."
She was so used to clinging to whatever constants she had. Ven was here, awake. Van was by her side. They were in the Realm of Light. How could anything be wrong?
"I don't know what he was talking about, just so you know. About the memories," Van said. "I haven't done anything to him, and all mine are right where they're supposed to be."
"I don't know either. But he won't believe me." She sighed. "Can I really blame him?"
Van didn't answer. He just stared into the fire, a thoughtful frown on his face.
"I don't think you'll figure anything out by arguing with yourself about who's to blame," he finally said. "He'll either believe you, or he won't."
"But what if—what if he leaves?"
Her fingernails dug into her legs, until the Drizzle headbutted her in the stomach. She returned to petting it, careful not to be too rough.
"It wouldn't be the first time," she murmured.
Maybe Ven had been right. It was stupid to think that things were okay. Things hadn't been okay even before, without adding any new complications to the mix.
"If he was gonna leave, I bet he would've done it when he made his dramatic exit." Van nodded towards his tent.
"...Probably," she admitted.
He'd stayed, where the Ven she knew would have fled completely.
Maybe she was lucky that he wasn't the Ven she remembered.
"You guys will figure it out," Van said. "Ven was going off about his friends even when we fought inside our heart. And you're not going to give up on him either, so."
He pulled a cold pack of hot dogs out of his backpack.
"We've got all the time in the world." He picked up the discarded stick halves, spearing a hot dog on each of them. "You're both too nice to stay mad forever."
She frowned, but accepted her hot dog stick. They wouldn't have all the time in the world if Xehanort got his way. She didn't want to bring up that fear on top of everything else, though.
"I don't know about 'nice,'" she sighed. "Thank you, though."
"No problem." He bumped his stick against hers affectionately before returning it to the fire.
They roasted their dinner and ate in silence. She tried her best to ignore the mysterious spiked keyblade that seemed to loom over her.
Out of hopeless curiosity, she attempted to summon both Stormfall and Master Keeper at once. Light sparked painfully across both of her palms, but neither blade appeared.
"What was that?" Van's brow furrowed as he wiped ketchup off of his mouth.
"Nothing."
She blushed. There was no reason to hide this from him, except for her own embarrassment.
"Well. Um. Did you see Ven earlier?"
He gave her a confused stare. "You're gonna have to be more specific."
"He had two keyblades summoned at the same time. I'm sure of it."
She closed her fists, casting a light Cure across them. That stinging persisted, like a numbed limb waking up. The Drizzle's nuzzles did nothing to soothe her hands either.
"Huh. He did, didn't he." Van scratched the back of his neck. "Weird."
"Not just weird. It should be impossible." She shook out her tingling hands. "A keyblade manifests directly in response to the wielder's heart. The only way to call forth two at one time would be…"
Her eyes widened.
"What?" Van asked.
"If you had two hearts." She frowned. "But that… You would know if that had happened, right?"
"Well, he didn't take my heart. And he didn't take Sora's. I can't say I was really thinking straight when we connected, but it sounds pretty impossible to me."
Pretty impossible. But plenty of impossible things had already happened to them. It would certainly explain the oddities in Ven's demeanor. Maybe Riku could use his Diving power to check when they met up again.
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see," she said.
Having some kind of explanation, even if it wasn't proven, helped her relax a little. Even if it could mean more problems down the road…
Well, he didn't have the golden eyes of a Xehanort. She could take comfort in knowing he wasn't harboring a piece of the dark Master's heart.
"Yep." Vanitas yawned, reabsorbing his Inversed.
"It's been a long day, hasn't it," she said. "Are you… um, should we get ready for bed?"
"Thought you'd never ask." He grinned, though she knew him well enough to catch the nervous edge to it.
After brushing their teeth in the nearby stream, they took turns changing in her tent. Vanitas first, then her.
She looked down at the pink pajamas in her lap and considered chickening out for half a second. Not of letting him sleep in her tent—but of taking off her boobs. She'd slept with them on plenty of times lately. It would hardly be uncomfortable.
"No, Aqua," she told herself. "We wanted to do this. Don't be stupid."
"Huh?" Vanitas asked from outside.
"Nothing!"
It was always nerve-wracking to be vulnerable. But she wouldn't get stronger if she let baseless worries get the best of her.
She took off her boobs and put on her pajamas, taking a deep breath. She was fine. She was normal.
(None of them were normal. Wasn't that what made them them?)
"Okay." She let out a breath. "You can come in now."
"Are you sure?" Van asked, picking up on her nervousness. "The grass feels pretty nice out here. Stars aren't so bad, either."
She unzipped the tent herself, since he was going to be too polite about it.
Van. Too polite. She never thought she'd see the day.
"Get in here, stupid." She smiled at him, and he laughed.
"I love you so much."
Warmth bubbled in her chest. She'd definitely made the right decision.
He stepped inside, careful not to step on any of the dirty clothes or sleeping bag she'd laid out. Had he even noticed anything was different about her? That would be ironic, after all the time she'd spent worrying.
"Where do you want me?" he asked.
She covered her face, trying not to think of the unintended implications of that. There weren't many options—there was only one sleeping bag and one pillow.
"Well, um, it'll be tight, but… I think we can share the sleeping bag?" she bit her lip. "If you're okay with that, of course."
"No problems here."
They both stood there, staring at each other. Neither of them moved to get in the sleeping bag.
Then she bit her lip to hold in a laugh, and he laughed, and they were both wheezing over how silly they were being.
"We're so normal," Aqua said with a grin.
"So normal," he joked along with her.
She unzipped the sleeping bag a bit more, so they wouldn't be quite as cramped. It wasn't like they'd never snuggled before. They'd snuggled plenty of times. Never when she was without her boobs, though. What if he didn't feel as comfortable with her this way?
No, she was being stupid again, she told herself as they shifted under the covers to get into a comfortable position. Van looked perfectly content to snuggle with her in the sleeping bag, his head tucked against her shoulder.
He took a deep breath, and she shivered as she felt it on her neck. That was new, but not unpleasant.
"I hope I don't get dizzy," he said.
"What?" she asked, completely baffled.
"Your light. It always smells strong, but I've never been this close to it for so long."
"O-oh." She blushed. "What… does it smell like? If you don't mind me asking."
He laughed, sending more warm shivers through her.
"Huh. I never thought… I mean, it's your smell. It's weird that you can't smell it."
"Not everyone has your weird nose." She closed the short distance to kiss the tip of his nose, and pink colored his cheeks.
"My very cool and powerful nose," he corrected. "Anyway. You smell like clean laundry and honeysuckle and cherry blossoms. It's a lot of smells."
She couldn't help giggling.
"That's really specific. Are you sure you aren't making that up?"
"You think I'd be able to make that up? You're giving me too much credit."
"Hmm. Maybe so."
She turned a little, so her chest was flat against his back. Either he'd notice or he wouldn't. …Actually, maybe he would still be too afraid to ask.
"Speaking of making stuff up," he said, "are you sure you can't hide food in your boobs?"
She let out an unholy cackle before covering her mouth. If Ven woke up and overheard this conversation, she would pass away on the spot.
"That's what you're wondering?"
"Well, I don't think you're going to kill me for asking anymore. Hopefully."
She suppressed another round of laughter.
"I'm not going to kill you."
"Cool." He nodded. "Are you going to actually answer my question, though?"
"You can't hide food in… in your boobs." It was hard to even say it without laughing. "I mean, maybe in some very special, custom-made augments… but nothing I have, no."
"Oh." He sounded a little disappointed. "You didn't have to shrink yours, by the way. Or take them off, or whatever you do. I know you were trying to make more space—"
Aqua shook with laughter. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tight as she could.
"What?" he asked. "Why else would you get rid of them? Are they not comfy to sleep on or something? You never did before—unless the dark suit got in the way—"
"Did you know this whole time?" she interrupted. "No, that doesn't make any sense. You didn't even know what being transgender meant. Or what a gender is. Or what boobs were."
"I know I was stupid. You don't have to rub it in." He pouted.
She kissed the back of his head, soft hair tickling her face. "You're not stupid. You're perfect."
"Oh." He froze for a moment. "Thanks?"
"So, if you didn't know my boobs could come off—I guess you just didn't know enough to be surprised? That's crazy to think about…" She couldn't imagine having such a nonexistent concept of gender and body types. It sounded kind of nice, honestly. "Most girls—or, um, cis girls—can't take off their boobs."
"Really?" He turned around, and she saw the confusion on his face. "That sucks for them."
She would've kissed him on the lips right then. They were charting enough new territory though, without her getting physical on him in such an intimate space.
"It does, huh?" she laughed. "Um, I actually might get ones that don't come off, though. Eventually."
There was no telling exactly how strong of a change the hormone replacements would cause. If they really were aging faster, as it seemed, she might know sooner than later.
"Oh. Well in that case, it doesn't suck. Probably."
She buried her face in his neck to hide her laughter. His skin was surprisingly soft when he wasn't wearing his helmet piece.
"It's because I'm trans," she explained. "How much did I tell you about that, before?"
There had been so many explanations that day in the laundry room, she could hardly remember. Plus there was no telling what she'd actually said, versus what she'd planned to say in her head that never made it out coherently.
"Not much. Just that you chose to be a girl, I think? When you were eleven."
She smiled. It was cute that he remembered the detail about her age—though she was a bit worried about what other details she might have let slip.
"I didn't tell you anything about Terra, did I?" It was risky to even bring him up, but she definitely hoped she hadn't outed him in her explanation.
"What's Terra have to do with it?"
Thank the light, she prayed silently.
"He, um, helped me a lot," she said. It wasn't a lie—if not for Terra realizing he was trans, she might never have decided to come out. "I was, well, not the greatest at doing things for myself? I mean, doing things just because I want to, and not to help someone else."
"Wow. That hasn't changed at all," he deadpanned.
She smacked his chest lightly.
"Anyway. I wanted to be a girl, and Terra got me the boobs for my birthday. So I could look and feel more like a girl."
"So… girls have boobs." Van's brow furrowed, as if he were trying to solve a complex puzzle.
"Well, I mean, not always," she said quickly. "Not every trans woman wants boobs, and some cis women have ones so small you can't really tell."
"Oh. So if I got boobs, I wouldn't be a girl? Or would I?"
She had to bite back a laugh. If he was being serious, she didn't want to make him feel like she didn't respect him.
"It's more about how you feel? It's hard to explain. …Do you want boobs?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Seems like it might be more protection in a fight."
"I—I guess so?" She had enchanted hers to be able to withstand combat, but the silicone couldn't compare to keyblade armor.
"Could I try yours on sometime?"
She bit her tongue, all too aware of her face flushing.
"If you really want to?"
She didn't want to sound too excited. She would love him no matter what gender he was, but she couldn't deny it would be nice to have another trans woman in her life. Should she have let him come to the Castle of Dreams with her and the Princesses? She hoped she hadn't come across as gatekeeping when she'd insisted he stay behind. She'd just wanted him to practice making friends without her.
Next time, though—if there was a next time that wasn't crashed by a Xehanort—she would make it up to him. They could wear fancy dresses, and use the ballroom for its intended purpose, dancing the night away…
If that was even what he wanted, of course. From the way he talked about gender, it didn't seem like he had much attachment one way or the other.
"Don't feel like you need boobs just because I have them," she said, afraid of influencing him with her own fantasies.
"I don't. I just thought it might be fun. But, uh, only if it's okay with you. I'm not gonna steal them or anything. Not much point if you can't store food in them." He shrugged.
She cupped his face with one hand, nearly overflowing with affection.
"Van, I love you so much," she said. "And I love you if you're my boyfriend, or if you're my girlfriend, or if you're my partner of any other kind."
He turned to press a kiss to her palm.
"Partner sounds pretty nice, actually. Because we're a team. Vanitas and Aqua."
Partner. She liked the sound of that, too.
"You can call me whatever though. It doesn't matter."
"I love you, partner." She giggled. "Actually, now that I say it out loud, I sound like a cowgirl."
He laughed at that too.
"Boyfriend works too, if partner sounds too stupid. Or girlfriend. But you're already my girlfriend, so I don't know if it would be too confusing."
"It's not stupid!" she clarified quickly. "And we can both be girlfriends if you want. But only if you want!"
He smiled, taking both her hands and sandwiching them between their chests.
"Aqua, I can't express just how much it doesn't matter to me. As long as I'm yours."
If she could create Inversed, she would've been bursting with them. As it was, she had to bury her face in his hair to keep from kissing him until he passed out.
"That sounds good to me."
XXX
Ven shoved his head under Vanitas's pillow. If this was Vanitas and Aqua's definition of "not being weird," he couldn't imagine how they were when he wasn't in the next tent over. It kind of made him wish he could pass out for another twelve years. He'd already tried casting Sleep on himself. It hadn't worked.
He summoned both of his keyblades at once.
Maybe two Sleep spells would work?