Opening Montage
Music: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi, featuring Jennifer Nettles
First shot is Quinn seated on a train. Jim takes the seat next to her and they start talking. Cut to a shot of Quinn and Jim's wedding five years later. Then cut to a hospital room a few years later and we see an exhausted Quinn and smiling Jim holding newborn triplets. Cut to present day and we see the now nine-year-old triplets. Teddy is reading a book while Tommy and Timmy fight over the video game controller. Cut to Teddy rolling his eyes disdainfully at his immature brothers. Next, cut to a shot of Jim working on a car while a tripod mounted camera records the whole thing. Next shot is Quinn making a S'mores 'n' Pores video in the kitchen. Next shot is Jim chatting with Jamie, Chuck and Kevin over beer while Brittany and Daryl make out in the background. Next shot is Jamie teaching a history class at Lawndale High. He notices that the current quarterback is making out with his cheerleader girlfriend in class, causing Jamie to have a DeMartino-style meltdown. Next, we see Teddy hanging out on the playground with a girl his age who is visibly of mixed European/East Asian heritage. They watch the 'normal' kids play with visibly disdain, implying that this girl is the Jane to Teddy's Daria. Next, we see Quinn, Jim and the triplets stand on the front lawn and smile at the audience. The following caption appears under them...
Lawndale
S. 3, Ep. 1,
"Angie's Body"
Written by
WildDogJJ
Act I
Jersey Shore, day...
Quinn, Jim and the triplets were spending a day at the beach. They weren't the only Lawndale residents there. Also present were the Whites (Jamie, Nicole and Rachel), the Ruttheimers (Chuck, Stacy, Chucky and Q) along with some of the Thompsons (Kevin, Brittany, their twin daughters Nikki and Lisa and youngest son KevinJr.). Quinn, Nicole and Stacy were laying on beach towels sunning themselves. The sight of them in bikinis was attracting a lot of lusty stares from men (and jealous looks from their wives and girlfriends).
Quinn, especially, loved the attention. While she'd never two-time Jim, she still liked it when other men noticed her. 40-years-old, Quinn thought with a smile, and I've still got it.
Q, Timmy, Tommy and Kevin Jr. were playing in the water. Tommy and Kevin Jr. were on surf boards while Timmy and Q watched. As Tommy caught a wave and rode it in, Q was visibly impressed.
"Tommy," said Q, "That was sooo awesome!"
"Duh," said Tommy, "Everything I do is awesome!"
Kevin Jr. rode a wave in perfectly. Nearby, both Kevin Sr. and Jim saw this.
"That's my boy," Kevin bragged.
"Where'd he learn that move, anyway," asked Jim.
"Daryl taught him," said Kevin.
Jim rolled his eyes. "By the way, I saw your wife walking with Daryl."
Kevin shrugged this off. "Oh, Brit felt like taking a walk. Since my babe's mega-hot in a bikini I asked Daryl to go with her and keep an eye on things. Thank God I have such a reliable friend."
Meanwhile, under the pier...
Brittany and Daryl were getting busy in the water.
Back at the beach...
Jim rolled his eyes at Kevin's stupidity. Fifteen years and Kevin STILL can't figure out that he's being cucked on a regular basis!
Q, meanwhile, was chatting up Tommy. "Tommy, the way you surf is so cool! Can I try it?"
Tommy dismissively shook his head. "Q, I'm not giving you my board. No offense, but you're a girl."
Q said nothing, but was visibly offended.
Timmy, who has a crush on Q, saw his chance. "Tommy, can I borrow your board?"
"No," Tommy flippantly replied, "because you're so fat you'll break it."
Kevin Jr. came to Timmy's rescue. "Take mine, buddy."
"Thanks, Kev," said Timmy as he took Kevin Jr.'s surfboard. He then paddled out, determined to impress Q by catching the perfect wave. He was especially confident now that Tommy managed to blow his chances with Q by making a sexist remark.
Meanwhile, at a nearby parking lot...
An SUV pulled up and some college girls filed out. One of them was Angie Thompson, Kevin and Brittany's eldest daughter. For those who don't know, Kevin and Brittany have five kids. The eldest, twenty-one-year-old Ultra Thompson, was the starting quarterback at Middleton. The second child, eighteen-year-old Angie, was about to start her first year at Lawndale State. Twins Nikki and Lisa were about to start freshman year at Lawndale High (like their mother and older sister before them, they were cheerleaders). Ten-year-old Kevin Thompson Jr. was the youngest and, like Quinn and Jim's boys, was about to start fifth-grade. Kevin Jr.'s biological father is actually Brittany's lover, Daryl, but neither Kevin Jr. nor Kevin are aware of this. Everyone else knows, mostly because both Kevin Jr. and Daryl are black.
All of the girls were dressed in bikinis (with less revealing attire in the beach bags that they carried, since they planned to do some clubbing on the boardwalk in the evening). Angie's was the most scandalous. The voluptuous blond was wearing a skimpy black string bikini that left very little to the imagination. The top was barely able to keep her double-D's restrained. While the bottom wasn't a thong it was skimpy enough to give one a good idea what her personal grooming style was. Angie was a little apprehensive about wearing such a revealing swimsuit.
One of her friends, a brunette named Beth, noticed the apprehensive expression. "Yo, Ang," she said, "Why so down? You look great it that thing. Every hot guy on this beach is gonna be craving you."
"I know," Angie nervously sighed.
Beth drew her own conclusion. "Angie, Bryce is dead. Acting like a nun won't bring him back. Besides, just before he died you dumped his ass after he cheated on you for the hundredth time."
Angie rolled her eyes. "Beth, please. After two months I'm ready to move on. That's not what I'm worried about. My parents are at this beach with my sisters and little brother."
"So," said Beth.
"So," said Angie, "What if we run into them?" She points to the skimpy bikini she's wearing. "Dad'll kill me if he sees me in this, and if Kevin Jr. sees me like this it'd be just plain weird."
Beth reassured her BFF. "Relax, Ang, it's a big beach. Stop worrying about that and start thinking about the hot guys who won't be able to resist you."
Angie smiled. "I guess you're right."
As they made their way to the beach several guys looked at Angie.
"Dude," said one guy, "Check out the blond hottie with the bitchin' rack."
"Damn," said another guy, "I wish I could get a hottie like that."
Angie overheard and allowed herself a smile. I am SO snagging me a buff surfer dude today.
The water, a short time later...
Timmy just caught a wave when suddenly...
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
He wiped out, losing his board shorts in the process.
The other kids were watching and laughed, especially when Timmy came up naked. Q's older brother, Chucky, walked by. Chucky spoke to Tommy in his usual snarky monotone.
"I can see your brother's junk."
Tommy was visibly embarrassed.
Nearby, Teddy and Rachel saw this and reacted with visible disdain.
"Idiots," said Teddy.
"Speaking of which.." said Rachel as she pointed, "...check out who's here."
Teddy looked in the direction Rachel was pointing and saw Angie flirting with a bunch of guys.
"Guess she's finally over Bryce," said Teddy, "but she should probably know that this is supposed to be a family friendly beach."
"I know," said Rachel, "where'd she get that bikini?"
"Ho's R Us," Teddy deadpanned.
"So," said one of the guys talking to Angie, "You seeing anyone?"
"No," said Angie in a flirty tone, "But that could change...handsome."
The guy hoped Angie didn't see the growing bluge in his pants.
Angie's flirting was also noticed by Quinn, Nicole and Stacy, who were sunning themselves on the beach.
Stacy turned to Quinn. "Check out Angie Thompson."
"God," said Quinn, "What is she thinking? Granted, she's getting attention from some hot guys but she shouldn't dress like a total slut to do it."
"Oh, come on, Quinn," said Nicole, "We were the same way at her age."
"Yeah," said Quinn, "But I never showed THAT much in public."
"Oh, yes, you have," Stacy reminded her, "We all have." After a brief pause, she added "And we have the pictures to prove it."
Quinn blushed in embarrassment at her own hypocrisy. "You're right." She sighed. "I guess we can't really judge Angie when we were the same way at her age."
Jim and Jamie, meanwhile, had also seen Angie.
"Hooo, man," said Jim, "This is awkward."
"Tell me about it," replied Jamie, "Kevin is gonna totally flip if he sees his daughter in that."
"Actually," said Jim, "I was talking about how weird it is to see someone we knew as a baby sexing it up."
And then, IT happened.
"So," said Angie to the guys she was flirting with, "who wants to get me a soda?"
"ANGIE, WHAT THE HELL!?"
Angie immediately froze. "eep!"
Kevin, her father, was standing right behind her, and he was pissed.
"Um...hey, Dad," Angie nervously muttered.
The guys Angie had been flirting with all scattered, not wanting to deal with the angry father of a girl they were hoping to hook up with.
"Dammit, Angie," Kevin barked, "What the hell are you doing walking around...ALMOST NAKED!?"
"D...Dad," Angie pleaded, "I...I'm wearing a bathing suit!"
"Barely," Kevin growled, "and you, like, know I don't stand for any funny business, young lady!"
Ironically, as Kevin said that Daryl and Brittany ran by and were hurriedly trying to get their swimsuits back on before he saw them.
"But, Dad..."
Kevin angrily cut her off. "NO DAUGHTER OF MINE IS GONNA DRESS AND ACT LIKE A...A...A WHORE! YOU GO GET CHANGED RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!"
"But, Dad..."
"NOW!"
"UGH...FINE!"
Angie then walked away in a huff.
Teddy and Rachel, having seen the whole thing, exchanged smirks similar to Daria and Jane.
Another part of the beach, a short time later...
Tommy, Q and Kevin Jr. were standing at the water's edge while Timmy was in waist deep water in order to hide his nakedness. Timmy was also frantically searching for the shorts he'd lost when he wiped out.
"Oh, man," said a distraught Timmy, "Come onnnn! I don't wanna walk around with my junk showing!"
At this point, Q felt something wash up at her feet. She looked down and saw Timmy missing bathing suit.
Seeing this, Kevin Jr. called out. "YO, TIMMY, WE FOUND YOUR SHORTS!"
Timmy did a fist pump. "Yes!"
At the water's edge, Tommy said "What're you waiting for, Jr? Give my brother his board shorts."
"No way, man," said Kevin Jr., "I'm not touching something that had you brother's dong in it! You take 'em to Timmy."
Tommy scrunched his nose in disgust. "Gross, man! I'm not touching something that touched my brother's sausage and meatballs!"
Q rolled her eyes. "You two are sooo immature!" She then picked up the shorts, made her way into the water and handed them to Timmy.
"Um...thanks," said Timmy, not sure if it was his embarrassment or his crush on Q that was making him blush.
Q stifled a giggle. "You're blushing."
Timmy blushed even harder. "Um...uh...well...uh..."
Q stifled another giggle. "Relax, I get it. Your brother and two best friends saw your junk. It's no big deal!"
Timmy said nothing but blushed even harder. That's when Q noticed that she had her hand on his shoulder. Now, it was her turn to blush.
"Sorry," said Q as she nervously took her hand off.
"It's okay," said Timmy as he finished putting his bathing suit back on.
The two kids made their way back to their friends. As they did, Q had the following thought. Why do I suddenly think Timmy's cute? I love his brother! She had another thought. Then again, Timmy's not the immature jerk that Tommy is. By this point they'd both made it back to the others. While the boys were talking, Q continued to ponder these unexpected feelings that she's having. She'd always had a crush on Tommy. Ever since kindergarten I've dreamed of marrying Tommy Carbone when we grow up. So have all of my friends. So why do I suddenly not like him anymore? It was at this point that Tommy said something that answered her question.
"Hey, guys, wanna sneak into the girl's changing room?"
"All right," said Kevin Jr., "Naked chicks!"
Q continued to think. That's right! I just realized what a complete tool Tommy Carbone actually is. What about Timmy? I always liked him as a friend, but why is he suddenly so cute? He's still fat and a bit of an idiot.
Then, Timmy unknowingly answered Q's question. "Guys," he said, "We'll get in trouble. Also, it just feels plain wrong to spy on people when they're naked."
Timmy's also really sweet and considerate, Q thought, if he'd just stop following Tommy's lead all the time he'd be even hotter than Justin Bieber!
Q then came out of her head and noticed that she was alone. She then scowled. Just great! Tommy and Kevin Jr. ditched me and forced my future boyfriend to go along! She suddenly gasped in shock. Did I really just call Timmy my future boyfriend!?
A small building marked "Ladies' Bathhouse", a short time later...
Tommy, Timmy and Kevin Jr. were near the entrance. They looked around to make sure no one would see them go in.
"Coast is clear," said Tommy, "Let's go."
"Tommy," said Timmy, "We really shouldn't be doing this."
"Timmy," Tommy snapped back, "Quit being a wuss!"
"Yeah," added Kevin Jr., "Quin being a wuss!"
Giving in to the pressure, Timmy followed his brother and best friend inside.
Meanwhile, inside...
A bikini-clad Angie opened the rented locker and angrily put her beach bag inside.
Dammit, she thought, Leave it to Dad to totally ruin my day. This sucks! I'm so pissed! I can't wait to take a shower. Maybe that'll calm me down.
Angie then took off her bikini and put it in the locker while getting some shampoo and body wash out. Once that was done, a completely naked Angie made her way to the shower room.
No sooner had she left the locker room when Tommy, Timmy and Kevin Jr. entered. They were disappointed that no one was there.
"This blows," said Tommy.
Added Kevin Jr., "Where are all the naked chicks?"
Timmy now sensed an out. "Well, guess we're not gonna see anything. Let's go!"
That was when they heard one of the shower heads turn on. Tommy grinned.
"Cool! They're in the shower!"
"Awesome!" said Kevin Jr., "Maybe they're all kissing and touching each other, like the chicks in that DVD we swiped from my Dad's private drawer that one time. Remember?"
"Um," said a nervous Timmy, "Is that the one that had those three Xs on it?"
Kevin Jr. nodded in the affirmative.
"Cool," said Tommy as he made his way to the shower room.
In the shower room...
Angie closed her eyes and allowed the water run over her. Feeling the warm water cascade over her naked body prompeted a serene sigh from her. That feels soooooo good! She then remembered that she was alone (or so she thought). A naughty grin flashed across her face as Angie suddenly got an idea. Keeping her eyes closed, Angie's thoughts drifted to an erotic fantasy while her hands drifted...elsewhere.
Meanwhile, Tommy was peaking in and saw what was going on. He was entranced by the sight of Angie, completely naked and touching herself in ways that he'd always been told were wrong. "Whoa," whispered the ten-year-old.
Timmy entered and saw what Tommy was staring at. He said nothing because he was so entranced by the sight of Angie Thompson touching herself and making sensual noises as she did.
Next was Kevin Jr. He gasped in shock and horror at the sight of his naked older sister...loving herself.
"Oh...my...GOD!"
Angie heard that. She immediately opened her eyes to see three ten-year-old boys watching her, one of them her little brother. Needless to say, Angie freaked.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"
The boys froze with terror.
"GGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
Angie immediately went from shocked to angry.
"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PERVY LITTLE CREEPS!"
All three boys ran in terror.
Act II
The beach, day...
Tommy, Timmy and Kevin Jr. were catching their breath. They'd been running since Angie chased them out of the girl's shower. While Tommy and Timmy were excited, Kevin Jr. felt EXTREMELY weird about having seen his older sister completely naked.
"That...was...AWESOME," said an excited Tommy.
"I know," said Timmy, "I...I think I just fell in love!"
Kevin Jr., meanwhile, was totally freaking out. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, OHMYGOD! I just saw my sister...NAKED...MASTURBATING...EWWWWWWW!"
"What's the big deal," asked Tommy.
Added Timmy, "Yeah, Angie's hot!"
"She's a goddess," Tommy declared, "A beautiful, big-titted goddes!"
"Dammit, guys," Kevin Jr. barked, "She's my SISTER! AND I SAW HER NAKED!"
"So," said Tommy.
Added Timmy, "Yeah, so?"
"You don't understand," said Kevin Jr., "Seeing Angie like that gave me feelings, feelings I shouldn't be having about my own sister!"
"So," said Tommy, "Just don't see her naked again."
"Yeah," added Timmy, "But we need to."
Tommy agreed. "We totally need to see her like that again. I...I can't get that hot body outta my head."
Added Timmy, "Me too. Forget Q Ruttheimer, I want Angie Thompson!" It was at this point that Timmy got an idea. He immediately turned towards Kevin Jr. "Hey, buddy, can we sleep over at your place tonight?"
"No way," said Kevin Jr.
"Why not," asked Tommy.
"Yeah," said Timmy, "I thought we were friends."
Kevin Jr. explained. "Dude, you guys just wanna spend the night so you can see my sister naked again!"
"Come on, Kev," Tommy begged.
"Please," said Timmy.
"No," Kevin Jr. firmly replied.
"But..."
"I SAID NO, YOU PERVS!"
With that, Kevin Jr. stormed off while both Tommy and Timmy were visibly crushed by their friend's refusal to let them spend the night. Not because they don't get to hang out with their best friend but because they've been denied the chance to see Angie naked again.
Casa Carbone, that night...
Tommy was asleep in his room. He spoke as he tossed and turned in his bed.
"Oooo...Oh, Angie...so...hot!"
Meanwhile, in Timmy's room.
"Angie...you're...a...goddess...I...love...you..."
It went on like that every night after. The desire to see Angie naked again quickly turned into an obsession.
Lewis Elementary School, a week later...
It was the first day of the new school year. The kids were all seated in class. The teacher, a bald man called Mr. Keller, was addressing his new class.
"Class," said Keller, "Welcome to fifth grade. Before we begin, let's see what all you remember from last year. Who can tell me what Manifest Destiny means? Anyone?"
The class includes all three Carbone triplets, Kevin Jr., Q Ruttheimer, Rachel White, Shane Sloane, Al and Lou. None of them raised their hands.
"Come on," said Keller, "Don't make me single someone out." When no one responded to the threat Keller sighed and picked up his seating chart. "Fine!" He looked at the chart, then looked up. "Teddy Carbone."
Teddy sighed. "Manifest Destiny was a political sloagan in the 1840's used by people who believed it was God's will that the US should expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. After all, why not have new lands to cultivate, Mexican workers to exploit and Native Americans to slaughter."
Keller was visibly weirded out by Teddy's sardonic answer. He immediately willed himself not to freak out before he continued.
"Moving on," said the teacher as he turned his attention to Tommy, "Tommy Carbone, can you tell me what war Manifest Destiny was used to justify?"
Tommy was visibly daydreaming, to Keller's chagrin.
"Tommy!"
That snapped Tommy out of his daydream. "Yes, Mr. Keller?"
Keller said "Perhaps you'd like to share with us what's so interesting that you can't pay attention in class?"
Tommy was visibly nervous. "Um...I don't think I should."
"Then," said Keller, "Perhaps you'd like to be the first one sent to detention this year."
Tommy let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. I was thinking about Kevin Jr.'s older sister. She...She's beautiful!"
Added Timmy, "We saw her naked!"
Kevin Jr. awkwardly sank in his chair.
Keller was instantly concerned. "I see. I'd like to see you both after class. Don't worry, you aren't in trouble. I just want to know if you boys are...okay."
Knowing what Keller was getting at, Teddy immediately sprang to the rescue.
"My brothers aren't being molested, Mr. Keller. We were at the beach last weekend when they snuck into the ladies' bath house. They walked in on her taking a shower and haven't been able to shut up about it ever since."
"I see," said Mr. Keller, "Well, I'd appreciate it if you boys could get your minds out of the gutter and pay attention in class."
Kevin Jr. shot Tommy and Timmy a hostile glance while Q looked almost...jealous!?
I can't freaking believe this, Q thought, I finally get over Tommy, fall for Timmy and now they're both totally crushing on some college slut!
Casa Carbone, afternoon...
Teddy was in his room doing homework when there was a knock on the door.
"Enter at your own risk."
The door opened, followed by both Tommy and Timmy entering.
"No," said Teddy upon seeing his brothers, "I'm not doing your homework for you."
"Um," said Tommy, "We didn't wanna ask you that."
"Oh," said Teddy, "Then to what do I owe the displeasure?"
Timmy spoke. "We wanna see Angie naked again."
Teddy rolled his eyes. "And what does this have to do with me?"
"Kevin Jr. won't hang out with us anymore," said Timmy.
"Well," Teddy replied, "You guys are constantly talking about how you saw his sister naked. I still fail to see why I should even care about any of this."
"You're smart," said Tommy, "Figure it out."
Teddy sighed as the answer was obvious. "You want to see Angie naked again and need me to suggest ways to make it happen."
Tommy nodded. "So, will you help us?"
Added Timmy, "Yeah, will you help us, bro?"
"No," said Teddy.
Both Tommy and Timmy looked deflated.
"Why not," asked Timmy.
"Because," Teddy answered, "Helping you two be total peeping Toms is where I draw the line."
"Come on," Tommy pleaded, "We'll make it worth your while."
"How," asked Teddy.
"Thirty bucks," suggested Timmy.
"A hundred," Teddy countered.
"Forty," Tommy countered.
"Sixty," said Teddy, "and that's my final offer."
"Fifty," said Tommy.
"And not a penny more," added Timmy.
"Sixty," said Teddy, "Or you guys are on your own."
Tommy and Timmy sighed and left. Once alone, Teddy spoke to himself.
"Well, looks like I'm waiting until my birthday to get the latest Call of Duty game."
Thompson house, a short time later...
Tommy and Timmy were walking up to the front door.
"Tommy," said Timmy, "are you sure this'll work?"
"Duh," replied Tommy, "Kevin Jr.'s usually doing his homework now. We just say we wanna help him and when we do just get him to pay us back by helping us see his sister again. It'll work, bleieve me."
Tommy rang the doorbell. Kevin Sr. answered.
"Hey, guys," said Kevin, "Junior's doing homework right now. He can't come out yet."
"We know," said Timmy.
Added Tommy, "He was having some trouble in class. We wanna help him."
Kevin, idiot that he is, doesn't question why the boys don't have any school supplies with them, nor does he notice how out-of-character they're behaving. Naturally, he buys their feeble excuse.
"Cool! Come on in!"
Kevin Jr.'s room, a short time later...
Kevin Jr. was NOT happy to see his two best friends.
"I can't believe you scammed my dad into letting you pervs in."
"Come on, man," said Tommy.
"No," said Kevin Jr., "I'm not helping you see Angie naked again. I REALLY don't wanna see her naked again. She's my sister, for chrissake!"
"You don't have to look," said Timmy, "We just need to see her naked...really, really badly!"
Added Tommy, "She's all we can think about, Kev. Your sister's body is so hot we can't get it out of our heads!"
Kevin Jr. was suddenly nervous. "I can't get it out of my head either. Everytime I see Angie now I wanna touch her, and she's my sister! It's totally freaking me out."
"Come on, buddy," Timmy begged, "just help us!"
Coincidentally, it was at this moment that Angie herself walked by the door. She was wearing skintight workout clothes and sweaty, having just come home from the gym. Angie gave her little brother and his friends an awkward look.
"Boys," said Angie, "I'm about to take a shower. Could you do me a favor and stay here until I'm done? I don't want what happened at the beach happening again."
All three were stunned speechless and just nodded. While Tommy and Timmy blushed, Kevin Jr. just looked plain uncomfortable.
The upstairs hallway, a short time later...
Tommy and Timmy were pressing their ears to the bathroom door while Kevin Jr. was acting as a lookout.
"I can't believe Angie locked the door," Tommy grumbled.
"Duh," said Kevin Jr., "You think she's gonna leave the door unlocked after what happened at the beach?"
"Hold it," said Timmy, "I just heard the shower turn off."
They both then looked for a keyhole, but were disappointed to not find one.
"I can't believe the doors don't have keyholes," Tommy complained.
Kevin Jr. sighed as his patience was wearing thin.
"How are we gonna see those big, beautiful boobs," asked Timmy.
Added Tommy, "Or that shaved pussy?"
That stepped on Kevin Jr.'s last nerve. "That's it," he said, "Both of you, out, now!"
"Not until we see Angie," Tommy insisted.
Kevin Jr. got in both of their faces. "Either you guys leave now," he threatened, "or I'll tell my parents AND your parents what you've been up to."
Both brothers gasped in shock.
"You'd rat us out," said Tommy, "You narc!"
"I thought we were friends," Timmy whined.
Kevin Jr. pointed towards the stairs. "Leave...now!"
"UGH...fine," said Tommy as he and Timmy left.
Once alone, Kevin Jr. breathed a huge sigh of relief. That relief was short lived as suddenly Angie opened the door and saw her little brother standing there. Fortunately, she was wrapped in a towel.
"Dammit, Junior," she barked, "What did I tell you!?"
"eep...I...It's not what you think!"
Angie didn't buy it. "Look, I get it. You're at that age where boys and girls start noticing each other. It's only natural that seeing an attractive young woman touching herself while naked would give you certain feelings, but I'm your sister! This is WAY inapropriate...and more than a little creepy."
"Ang," Kevin Jr. stuttered, "I...I wasn't trying to see you naked! I SWEAR!"
Angie spoke in a firm tone more befitting a mother than a big sister. "Look, what happened at the beach was an accident, so I let it slide. But, if you don't stop trying to see me naked, if you don't get these dirty thoughts out of your head, you WILL go to Hell when you die and I'll make sure that happens REALLY soon! GOT IT!?"
Without waiting for a response, Angie angrily went into her room and slammed the door behind her.
Casa Carbone, the following evening...
Music: Mission Impossible theme
Dressed in ninja costumes, Tommy and Timmy emerged from a bush in the back yard after sneaking out of the house. The two exchanged nods before climbing the fence that separates their back yard from the Thompsons'. Once over the fence, they snuck along the wall of the Thompson house. They rounded a corner and saw their next objective: the ladder that Daryl uses to sneak in. Both Tommy and Timmy exchanged nods as they approached the ladder. Each boy grabbed an end and slowly took it back around the corner. Once that was done, they positioned the ladder by a tree. The top was at a large, sturdy limb that offered an unobstructed view through Angie's bedroom window. Timmy climbed up first while Tommy held the ladder. Once Timmy was in position on the large tree branch, Tommy climbed up and took his place by Timmy. Both boys watched intently. That was when the light in the room came on and Angie entered.
"Yes," Tommy whipsered.
"Showtime," whispered Timmy.
Angie's room, at that very moment...
Angie put her stuff down and sighed. God, what a day! I can't wait to get a good night's sleep.
She then sat on her bed and took off her shoes, followed by her socks.
Outside...
"Man," Tommy whispered, "When are we gonna see the good stuff?"
Added Timmy, "Come on, Angie my goddess!"
Angie's room...
Angie took a white tank top out of her dresser. Once that was done, she took off her shirt, revealing the lacy blue bra that she was wearing underneath.
Outside...
"Whoa," exclaimed Tommy and Timmy in unison.
Angie's room...
Angie unzipped her jeans and slid out of them. Now stripped down to her underwear, she began to unhook her bra.
Outside...
Tommy and Timmy were disappointed as Angie took off her bra due to the fact that her back was to the window, and they couldn't see her boobs.
Angie's room...
Angie turned around and faced the window after removing her bra, unaware that she was now giving two ten-year-old boys an unobstructed view of her bare breasts.
Outside...
"Yes," said Tommy, "God, I wanna grab those knockers!"
"Tommy," said Timmy, "Why's my..." He couldn't get the words, so he just pointed to his crotch. "...well...it's starting to stiffen!"
"Mine too," said Tommy, "I think it's called a hard on."
Angie's room...
Topless, Angie slipped out of her panties while facing the window. Now she was completely naked and unaware that she was giving two boys a full-frontal view.
Outside...
Tommy and Timmy stared at the completely naked Angie with wide eyes and open mouths.
Angie's room...
Angie slipped into a pair of pajama bottoms. Then, she put on the tank top.
Outside...
Tommy and Timmy were disappointed that the show was over. They were so upset that they forgot to keep their voices down.
"DAMMIT," yelled Tommy.
"I WANTED MORE," Timmy cried.
Angie's room...
Angie gasped upon hearing the voices. She immediately opened the window and saw two little ninjas watching her from the tree outside.
"DAMMIT, YOU TWO!"
Tommy and Timmy froze with fear.
"THAT'S IT," Angie barked, "TOMMY, TIMMY, I KNOW IT'S YOU...AND I AM SOOOO TELLING YOUR PARENTS!"
Angie then angrily slammed the window shut and closed the curtains so no one could watch her change back into her clothes while Tommy and Timmy both gulped with dread.
Act III
Casa Carbone, evening...
Quinn and Jim were giving Tommy and Timmy a major scolding. Angie Thompson had caught the two spying on her while she was changing into her sleepwear. Naturally, she was furious to have her privacy invaded. She immediately dragged the two boys home and told their parents what happened. Now, after Angie left, Quinn and Jim were laying down the law.
"Dammit, boys," Jim barked, "Peeking into a woman's bedroom while she's changing! What the hell's wrong with you two!?"
"Exactly," added Quinn, "Your father and I DID NOT raise you to be a couple of little creepers!"
"People are gonna think your mother and I didn't teach you shame," Jim growled, "and I know we have!"
"Mom," said Tommy, "Dad, we're sorry!"
"It won't happen again," said Timmy, "We swear!"
"You're goddamn right it won't happen again," said Quinn, "because you are both SO grounded!"
Added Jim, "And I'm confiscating ALL of your video games!"
Continued Quinn, "AND you're going to clean the ENTIRE HOUSE tomorrow!"
Jim went on. "AND you're gonna spend this weekend cleaning the storm gutters AND washing the driveway!"
"But, Mom," said Tommy, "Dad, that's not fair!"
"You know what," said Quinn, "It's not fair! Fair would be parading you boys naked in front of the whole town, see how you like it!"
"You invaded a young woman's privacy," Jim barked, "Imagine how violated you'd feel if someone did that to you two!"
"Um," said a nervous Timmy, "You aren't gonna actually do that, are you?"
"God, no," said Quinn, "your father and I aren't sick perverts!"
"Which is more than we can say for you two," added Jim.
Quinn then pointed up the stairs. "Now go to your rooms and get to bed! You'll need to be well rested for tomorrow because as soon as you come home from school you're going to clean every inch of this house!"
Tommy and Timmy both immediately did as their mother said.
Master bedroom, a short time later...
Quinn and Jim were sitting in bed and preparing to call it a night.
"God," said Quinn, "I feel like a bomb went off. I mean, I thought we taught the boys better than that."
"You know," said Jim, "Tommy and Timmy are at that age when boys start noticing girls. Maybe it's time we sat all three of them down and had The Talk."
"Jim," Quinn gasped, "they're too young!"
"Quinn," Jim replied, "we need to nip this in the bud. If the boys are this horny at ten then imagine what it's gonna be like when they're teenagers."
Quinn gulped with dread. "Oh, God!"
Jim nodded. "Yeah. I don't think either of us wants to be a grandparent while still in our prime."
Quinn immediately realized that her husband had a point. "You're right, hon. I REALLY don't wanna find out one of our boys knocked up his girlfriend or got some kind of STD. We DEFINITELY need to explain some things to them before it gets to that point."
Thompson house, the next day...
Kevin Jr. was in his room doing homework when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in."
The door opened and Angie walked in. Her presence made Kevin Jr. nervous.
"Junior," said Angie, "we need to talk."
"Um...uhhh..." He was too uncomfortable to get the words out.
"Look," said Angie, "I get it. You saw me naked, and it gave you certain feelings. Trust me, I'm feeling just as weird about it. That's why we need to have this talk. The sooner we clear the air, the sooner things stop being weird between us."
"Um...okay," said Kevin Jr.
"Look," said Angie, "you saw me naked. Not only that but you saw me touching myself in ways that boys find enticing. It's weird because I'm your sister. Still, the feelings it gave you are perfectly normal. You're at that age."
"But," said Kevin Jr., "it's wrong. We're brother and sister."
Angie reassured her little brother. "Look, as long as you don't act on these feelings it's fine. Yes, I'm your sister, but I'm also a physically attractive young woman. It's perfectly normal for seeing me naked and touching myself to stir certain urges in a boy."
"Will these feelings ever...you know...go away," Kevin Jr. asked.
Angie nodded. "They will, trust me. I've had these feelings for boys, and they went away on their own, unless I actually did something with them. When I didn't do anything, the feelings quickly fizzled out."
Kevin Jr. asked another question. "Did you ever feel this way for your brother?"
Angie had to bite back a feeling of disgust before answering. "No, I've never had these feelings about Ultra and I'll never have these feelings for you."
Kevin Jr. couldn't help feeling a little hurt by this. "I...I see."
Angie could hear the hurt in her little brother's voice. "Don't get me wrong," she said, "I love you, but not in that way. I love you in the same way that Mom and Dad love you, and I always will. You're my little brother and nothing will ever change that."
"You never saw me naked," Kevin Jr. replied in a bitter tone.
"Actually," Angie said, "I have. By the time you came along I was old enough to help with some of the baby care. I've helped Mom change your diapers, I've help her give you baths, I've helped her dress you. Frankly, I've seen you naked just as much as Mom has because I was basically Mom's assistant. In fact, I'm kinda doing a mom thing now. I'm talking to you about the birds and the bees."
For the first time in almost two weeks, Kevin Jr. actually felt comfortable around Angie. "You know, sis," he said, "you'll probably make a great mom one day."
Angie smiled at the compliment. "Thanks, little bro," she said, "and someday your gonna have strong sexual feelings for a hot girl and she'll feel the same way about you, I know it."
Kevin Jr. smiled. "Thanks, sis."
Angie extended her hand. "So, we cool?"
Kevin Jr. shook her hand. "We're cool."
Both were visibly relieved to finally be over what happened.
Meanwhile, at Casa Carbone...
Quinn and Jim have decided to postpone the house cleaning for a day in order to free up some time for The Talk. Now, all three boys were sitting in the living room while their parents awkwardly try to explain the birds and the bees to them.
"Boys," said Quinn, "your father and I were originally planning to have this talk when you were a little older. Unfortunately, recent events have made it clear that we can't wait that long to tell you about...well...um...Jim, could you take over for a bit?"
Jim tried to do just that. "See, you three are at an age where you start to have certain...urges. You need to know what to do with those urges, so you won't mess up your own lives or anyone else's."
"Dad," said Tommy, "Mom, what the hell are you talking about?"
"HEY," Jim barked, "Watch your goddamn language!"
"Jim," said Quinn in a stern tone.
Jim immediately calmed down.
"But," said Timmy, "we really don't know what you're talking about."
Teddy rolled his eyes. "They're talking about the urge to see girls naked and do things with them."
"What things," asked Timmy.
Jim instantly felt awkward. "Um...well...you see...uhhh...Quinn, please take over!"
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Your father and I are trying to talk to you boys about sex...and why you shouldn't have it until you're married!"
The whole family now visibly felt awkward. The first to regain their voice was Timmy. "Mom," said Timmy, "Dad, don't worry. We'll never have sex."
Quinn was visibly relieved. "Oh, thank God!"
Jim had a different take. "What!? Your mother and I don't want you boys to never have sex!"
"I want them to never have sex," said Quinn.
Added Teddy, "We had a feeling that's what you wanted too, Dad."
"Well," said Jim, "If you were my daughters, then yes, but you're my sons."
"Dude," said Tommy, "that doesn't make sense."
"Look," said Quinn, "I'm your mother. Any sign that you're growing up is something that makes me uncomfortable. I...Well, I guess a part of me wants you three to always be my adorable little babies, but I know that I can't stop you from growing up."
Now, Timmy had a question. "Dad, why's it okay for guys to have sex but it's not okay for girls?"
"It's called the double-standard," said Jim, "Don't knock it, it's one of the perks of being a guy."
Quinn took offense. "Jim, what the hell!?"
"What," said Jim, "we need to tell them the truth. The truth is that guys are praised for nailing every girl they can while girls are shamed. That's just how it's always been, and always will be."
"Dammit, Jim," Quinn barked, "that's exactly the kind of mindset I don't want the boys having. I don't want them growing up to be horny pervs, but I also don't want them growing up to be sexist assholes either."
"Quinn," Jim fired back, "that's how I was raised!"
"Jim," Quinn hissed, "that's because your father's a total misogynist and your mother was a devout Catholic. You want our sons growing up as repressed as you did!?"
Jim took that as a personal attack. "Dammit, Quinn..."
All three boys just sat there looking awkward while their parents tried to shout over each other.
"Guys," said Teddy to his brothers, "Come with me. I'll tell you everything Mom and Dad can't."
Quinn and Jim were too busy arguing to notice their sons leaving the room.
Teddy's room, later...
Teddy has just finished telling his brothers all the things that their parents couldn't.
"So, any questions?"
"Yeah," said Timmy, "Why couldn't Mom and Dad tells us all that stuff?"
"Because," Teddy patiently explained, "Mom and Dad grew up in different types of families. They have different views about sex as a result. Mom's parents were always very liberal and open-minded while Dad's parents weren't...ESPECIALLY his father. FYI, anything Grandpa Tony tells you about this stuff isn't just wrong, it's downright toxic."
"Man," said Tommy, "this is all just too damn weird!"
"Yeah," added Timmy, "I don't need to see Angie naked again that badly!"
"Remember," said Teddy, "if a girl wants you to see her naked, she'll let you know. Otherwise, you're just being a creeper. Also, you now know why boys and girls have separate changing rooms at both the beach and the gym. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said Tommy, "can you get us off the hook? Maybe tell Mom and Dad to lift our grounding."
"Can't do it," said Teddy, "Even if I could, it's cost more than you two can afford. You're just gonna have to take the punishment."
Both Tommy and Timmy frowned.
Lewis Elementary School, the next day...
The fifth graders were at recess. Teddy and Rachel were at their usual bench talking. Teddy was telling her what all happened.
"...so after that I decided to calm Mom and Dad down solely for my own benefit. My idiot brothers are still grounded for a week, though."
Rachel stifled a giggle. "Guess everything's back to normal, then."
"Unfortunately," Teddy deadpanned, "but at least I don't have to deal with my brothers being horny pervs anymore."
Meanwhile, Tommy and Timmy were talking with Kevin Jr.
"Sorry we were being total pervs," said Tommy.
Added Timmy, "We don't wanna see your sister naked anymore."
Kevin Jr. smiled. "Apology accepted, guys."
"Kev," said Timmy, "how are you dealing with...you know?"
Kevin Jr. shrugged. "Ang had a talk with me about that. Things aren't weird anymore."
"Cool," said Tommy, "So, can we see her naked now?"
Kevin Jr. was upset until he saw the sly grin on Tommy's face.
"Gotcha," said Tommy.
All three boys laughed.
Kevin Jr. came back with his own zinger. "What were you guys eating under there?"
"Under where," asked Timmy.
Kevin Jr. laughed. "You were eating underwear!"
All three boys broke down in a fit of laughter. Everything truly was back to normal.
End chapter.