Chapter Five

He'd wanted to kiss her so much. He'd not planned to kiss her that hard, but the desperation he'd felt for her acceptance had overwhelmed him. He'd felt himself remember that night as much as he knew she did, when he saw that light rise in her eyes. The night that he'd given into his burgeoning curiosity about a relationship with Marinette, when he'd impulsively taken her for ice cream, when she'd confessed to a crush on Cat Noir…when she'd admitted to Cat Noir that she had given up on a crush on Adrien Agreste because it'd been too much for her, she'd given up…and then Hawkmoth had tried to akumatize her when he, Cat Noir, had realized what he was doing, deceiving her as he fell in love with her…

He'd seen people succumb to akumatization before.

Somehow, the idea of seeing Marinette…defiled by an akuma…having to fight Marinette…had horrified him. He found himself willing to do anything to stop her from giving in. He'd done what he'd never done before, kissed her…

But now…this kiss had been hard, passionate, nothing like the tenderness he, Adrien, always took care to show her.

And now she crumbled before him. "I forgot something…" She was stammering as she scrambled up to her feet as though terrified. "I forgot my parents to tell them…" And then worse, her eyes were roving towards the door to the stairs, towards the exit. "I left my machine sewing on…the stove…the…!" she looked so terrified…Adrien felt his heart squeeze in pain. "Marinette," he choked out, wishing that this night wasn't happening…he hated himself…

"Please, please don't," his love said finally. Her eyes were large, afraid. She reached for the door, and grabbed the handle, letting herself into the stairwell, slamming the door shut behind her, as Adrien reached for it, trying to pull it open.

He gripped the handle, about to pull it open…but stopped, the strength leaving him. He couldn't chase Marinette down like she was…prey!

But he couldn't just leave her like this.

There was only one way. Once this deep into the rabbit hole, there was no way back. He took a deep breath, reaching into his bag where Plagg was hiding. His kwami looked at him mutinously.

"I need to," Adrien said fiercely.

Something in Plagg's face gave way. "I know, kid," he said heavily. "Just…don't say I didn't warn you."

"Plagg, claws out."

As soon as he transformed, he leapt from the rooftop, digging his claws into the wall, landed on the pavement, ran back in the front door, up the stairs, four at a time.

He couldn't stop himself.

His heart broke at the last step, emerging onto the landing in time to see a flash of rosy red. Something that sparked his memory.

"Is it safe for me to know who he is?" Marinette whispered through tears. "Tikki, I can't risk him becoming Cat Blanc."

Cat Blanc?

Tikki.

Ladybug's kwami.

Oh my god.

Marinette's kwami.

Marinette. Ladybug.

All along…I loved her.

His heart felt like he might shatter and simultaneously explode.

The one person Ladybug had asked him not to tell…and he had told her.

And then, Tikki whispered it. "That was when his father was Hawkmoth."

He felt himself crumple to his knees.

Marinette's blue eyes fastened onto him, her face going sheet white in horror. Her hand rose to her mouth. "Adrien," she choked.

She knew. Oh yes, oh God, she knew who he was. He knew it, the way she'd said it, seeing past his mask, past the glamor that concealed them from each other.

There was no hiding anymore.

But he didn't want to be Adrien. He didn't know what he wanted to be.

"My father was Hawkmoth," he said softly. His voice felt like neither Cat Noir, nor Adrien…somewhere between them. "My father…was…" his voice fell away.

Marinette's fingers touched one of her earrings like she was torn between transforming, between staying Marinette or being Ladybug. A tear rolled down her cheek, which shone as though it were not the first.

"You hid it…from both of us," he choked. "You lied…to me."

Marinette knew what he meant. She had not told her partner the truth about Hawkmoth, Shadowmoth…Monarch. She'd battled over the decision all the time that she'd known that Plagg was taking his Miraculous back to his owner. She'd succumbed to the lesson she had learned…the best secrets are told to the fewer people. She had kept the secret between herself, Tikki and Plagg…and Gabriel Agreste, the Holder of the Butterfly Miraculous…their infamous enemy, Monarch.

She had not told the person she was closest to in the world…her partner, Cat Noir.

And as much as it pained her to have not told him, now she would have been glad not to…she would have been telling the one person that she'd been trying to protect.

Her throat tightened. Her eyes darted around the stairs around them, feeling trapped. She closed her eyes.

He has been my partner for years. That does not change, just because I know who he is. He is still my dearest. He is dearest to me in more ways than I ever knew.

"Tikki, spots on," she said finally. She kept her eyes locked on Cat Noir as she transformed, baring herself to him in a way that she had never done to anyone, even as her insides melted and reformed in panic.

As Ladybug, she'd always felt more in control, more certain. This time, she felt more like Marinette.

She turned and started walking down the stairs. "Come on, Cat Noir," she said heavily.

"Where?" he asked coldly.

"Somewhere we can talk," she said. "I need some air."

She opened the front door, looking out at the street, and then burst into a run, launching out her yoyo. She knew he would know where she was going. She didn't look back at him as she swung through the air, her body arching as she hurled herself recklessly from building to building, making her way towards the Eiffel Tower.