Chapter Fourteen
She dreamed she was on a train, standing as it swayed around her, going down the rails. She gripped the pole and saw Adrien through the window, standing in the next carriage. An involuntary smile tweaked her lips. He smiled at her, his eyes tilting up with his smile, as he waved, moved forward as though to join her…she raised her hand to the glass window…
"I think she's coming to. Marinette?"
She knew that gentle, hopeful, lyrical voice.
No. Don't let this dream end, she thought sadly, but knew she had no choice as she opened her eyes.
A shock of blue and turquoise hair seized her sight. She blinked slowly. "Luka…?"
His smile was relieved as he laid a hand on her shoulder. She realized she was laying down on a mat. She turned her head and saw Master Su-Han sitting tailor style on a cushion on the floor. He nodded peaceably at her. "It is good to see you awake, Ladybug."
"What happened?" Her blue eyes anxiously swept over her surroundings…a simple room with whitewashed stone walls, bare but for a woven mandala style tapestry.
"You pushed yourself too far," Master Su-Han said severely. "You're lucky that you weren't locked into your form by pushing the kwami too far."
"Locked?"
"A kwami needs at least a minimum bit of energy to be able to transform back," Luka explained. "Kaalki didn't have enough energy but Tikki was able to lend a bit of energy, enough to de-transform you from both. Now that you've grown up beyond the safeguards, you face more risk of how much energy you can potentially use."
She turned her head sharply, her lips parting in an anxious cry, "Tikki—"
"She's fine," Master Su-Han said calmly and nodded towards a cushion beside Marinette. She breathed a deep sigh of relief, seeing her precious kwami there, sound asleep. As though sensing her, the kwami opened one eye and smiled at her holder, but she looked tired.
"You're never usually that tired from two Miraculouses," Master Su-Han said severely. "Why have you let yourself be weakened? Do you need to—"
"Please, don't even suggest that I be replaced," Marinette said wearily, sitting up. "It's just…been a long last few days."
Luka raised an eyebrow and raised his cellphone, showing her a photo on his screen… that photo. "Because of this?"
Marinette stared at it, aghast. "Even here? In Tibet?"
"Juleka sent it to me," Luka said dryly.
Marinette felt a little better, learning that Luka's twin sister had been the one to give him the news, and not Tibet's mass media…
Master Su-Han's smirk told her though that she probably shouldn't think herself safe. She groaned.
"May I speak to her for a moment alone, Master?" Luka addressed Master Su-Han respectfully. The monk nodded and got up gracefully, strolling from the room. "I will give you a moment."
Luka sank down beside Marinette. A faint smile curved his lips. He looked down at the photo on his phone, then put it aside.
"You know who he is, don't you?" Luka asked. His voice was sure. His eyes were warm, kind.
She closed her eyes and nodded, a quick nod.
"I'm so glad." He took her hand.
She opened one eye, startled by his reaction. "You're not…mad?"
"Why would I be?" he asked.
"I shouldn't know who he is…he shouldn't know…"
"Whether that is or is not…watching you two together…I've wished for a long time that you two could be fortunate to know that you were together before you even knew it." He sounded so serene.
"But it's such a mess," Marinette whispered. "Alya's so angry with me…she thinks I'm cheating on Adrien with Cat Noir. Felix thinks it too. Kagami must think it too."
"Secrets always cause strife," he agreed.
"What do I do?" she asked him, her eyes pleading. "I can't tell them…can I? Not as long as the butterfly miraculous is out there…"
"Why can't you tell them?" he asked.
She stiffened then shook her head. "I promised myself. Especially not Alya…I don't—"
"You don't…?" he probed.
She took a deep breath. "I…don't think she could handle having that kind of secret," she whispered. "When Nightormentor…when he infected us with nightmares…" her eyes filled with pain. "Alya was so distressed that she'd reveal my secret. She told me about Plagg coming to her…" She swallowed hard. "She…" She squeezed her eyes shut. "She feels so guilty that she couldn't help me, that she couldn't wield Plagg's miraculous. That I had to take both miraculouses. No matter how I try to find ways to rebuild her confidence, I feel like…she thinks less of herself."
"Have you talked to her about it?" Luka asked, concerned.
"I've tried." Marinette sighed. "She's been…pushing Nino away. He asked me why she's hanging out with me so much this summer…it's like she feels she needs to prove something. Make something up to me. But she doesn't. She doesn't!"
Luka squeezed her hand gently. "Talk to her, Marinette. Remind her of her strength. Remind her how to trust herself."
"I'm trying…" she felt tears sting at her eyes. "I'm scared that she'll push Nino away more. I'd hate to see them break up…"
"Especially now that you feel so much happiness." He spoke for her. She nodded.
He leaned back, closing his eyes…she'd missed him. Missed how he radiated peace. Missed being able to confide in him…I was the only one able to disturb his peace, she thought, with some small guilt. With…my secrets.
She took a deep breath. "I need to decide, Luka. Time's running out. I will lose…I won't just lose Alya over this. I'll lose Felix and Kagami…and I need them. All of them. In my life."
"Then how do you keep a friend?" he asked simply.
She swallowed hard. "I have to tell them…" she flexed her fingers and then her toes. Her eyes flared as a sharp pain shot up her leg. She pushed away the blankets, realizing with belated gratitude that she was still in her clothes, only her ballet flats were stowed against the wall. Her right leg looked fine, but when she wiggled her toes gently, that pain ran up again, more dull this time. "What did I…?"
"You de-transformed in the snow," Luka said, reading her expression. "Does it hurt? Maybe you turned your ankle." He leaned closer, hesitated then gently touched her ankle. "It's a little swollen. Just go gentle on it."
She nodded determinedly. "I need to talk to Master Su-Han. Could you get him back in here? I need to ask him some questions."
Moments later the Celestial Guardian stepped in.
She nearly blurted out the questions. She hunched her shoulders as she fought to control her words. His eyes flashed with some concern. "What is on your mind, Ladybug?" He turned to Luka, "I think we need some warmth. Would you—"
Luka smiled, nodded and got up. "Of course."
The moment Luka stepped out, Marinette asked the question that burned the hottest. "Do Guardians live longer than humans? Or Holders?"
His mouth curved. "Ah…"
She sat up, watching him sharply.
He nodded slowly.
"How much longer…?"
He tilted his hand. "How long does a river flow?"
She gritted her teeth. "That isn't a real answer."
"It's as real as life itself. No one knows how long a river flows."
"So…if a normal human lives, what, ninety years, how about a Holder?" she persisted. "With and without their Miraculous?"
"With…" he thought for a moment. "Two hundred years, give or take."
"And a guardian?"
"A base level guardian such as yourself should expect to live around three hundred and fifty years, give or take."
She exhaled in a long breath. "Three hundred and fifty…" in her mind she saw a very different life than she'd imagined. "Will I…look it?" she asked hesitantly. "I mean, Master Fu…he's nearly two hundred…"
"He is more like a Holder than a Guardian," Master Su-Han said. "He was never meant to be a Guardian…he stepped into the role because he was the only one left."
Luka stepped back in with a large metal bowl, filled with small chunks of wood. He set it down with a bow and knelt, taking out a flint and stone. Seemingly with practice, he struck the flint against the stone, close to the wood, and a spark settled on one of the pieces of wood. It began to spread and within moments, flames licked and rose within the bowl, crackling quietly, casting a flickering glow upon the three of them.
"The other thing I need to ask…" Marinette's voice trailed off. "Is there…any reason Cat Noir and I shouldn't know who we are?"
The celestial guardian's mouth tilted as he studied her. "A few months ago, I would have said yes. You are children, I would have said. Your minds would have shattered against the force of Hawkmoth's akumas. You are not children any more though. I have known that since the day you refused to find out who Cat Noir was, refused to tell me."
Marinette gaped at him. "But…the butterfly miraculous…"
"It will not be easy," he warned swiftly. "You are not impervious to the butterfly miraculous. If it is indeed again in malicious hands, yes, you may face trials. Both of you. And knowing each other…comes with its own challenges. The holders of Creation and Destruction are often drawn towards each other. If one of you relinquishes your Miraculous, who's to say that the bond will not weaken? Who's to say that knowing each other, you will not argue in a way you do not as partners?"
"Tikki and Plagg said that…about Creation and Destruction," Marinette whispered, her thoughts flying, wrapping around that simple thing Master Su-Han had just imparted…that she…was allowed to know Cat Noir…
I feel so free, Adrien had told her weeks ago in the garden as he slid his family ring onto his finger. His eyes had lit like sunlight.
She felt free too now.
"I need to get home," she said. "I only have one last question…"