A/N: Well, we reached quite the crossroads.
I always knew the New Years Eve kiss was going to be the crucial turning point of the story. Everything is different now.
But strap in because there is more drama to explore. I am not through with these characters yet, not by a long shot!
So, next few days will be busy for me at work and at home because you know...TURKEY DAY and all.
I want to take this second to say how thankful I am of all of you! Reading and writing and talking with you guys are the highlights of my week!
Tori's mind was buzzing about the kiss since she woke up January first.
It was living rent-free in her brain, and it definitely affected Jade, too because the former goth and her daughter left earlier than the others. They didn't even make it for breakfast.
Jade likely let Alice sleep for a bit before having an Uber take them home. They were in hot demand in the past 24 hours, so it was fortuitous that they got one at all. Alice didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye because her friends were still knocked out, including Mia. Tori was up and about, her sleep was very tough that night, but Jade avoided her out of embarrassment.
The Latina had a very lonely and haunting morning, even after the kids started waking up. They took turns using the bathroom, ate breakfast together, and Jenna offered to play taxicab for her friends.
That left Mia and Tori. She looked at her mom quizzically.
"Mom? Mom, you okay?"
"What?" blinked Tori. "Did you say something?"
"I asked if you were alright."
Tori stood up and started cleaning up the kitchen.
"Oh, yes! You bet!"
The clanging of dishes in the sink were pretty loud.
"Why don't you...um...go ahead and relax. I think the parade is still on."
"You...don't need help?" Mia asked.
Tori cleared her throat.
"No, babe. I just need to keep busy right now."
Mia had heard this sort of thing before. Tori would request being left to chores or errands because she was processing something and needed to keep her hands busy. Or she was desperate for a distraction.
"Okay," she shrugged and crashed onto the couch to watch the Mummers on YouTube.
It was being broadcast live from Philadelphia and ever since she was little, Mia was captivated by the creative costumes and dances. It wasn't a typical parade with floats and balloons. This was a kaleidoscope of color and music and Mia wished she could see in person one day.
With the dishes and mess squared away in the kitchen, Tori set her focus on the laundry.
She replayed that scene from last night over and over and it made no sense.
Tori knew it wasn't a dream because she could never recall one this vividly.
And she was confident that she was sober. While Tori did partake, her stomach was far from empty. That was always the case with her. Tori never really experienced being "drunk," it never got to that point. She usually would get sick if she failed to eat something. So, Tori hedged her bets by making sure she wasn't hungry when drinking but then she would overdo it and feel so full that she held back on the booze. It was the perfect defense against getting shit faced.
"I just...I can't...what the hell was that?"
(Jade kisses girls. I assume, I mean that's what she appears to be into.)
"Am I reading too much into this?" she said to herself. "It was at the stroke of midnight. Maybe Jade was just honoring...tradition...?"
(Yeah, that's it. Like the mistletoe clause. Dumb.)
Tori had been to countless New Years parties, with friends and classmates and coworkers. Nothing ever culminated into a kiss. Just because.
She slammed the lid to the washing machine and rested her head on the cold metal.
Now, Tori wasn't just focusing on Jade the moment of the kiss.
She was looking back on every little touch, every meeting of the eyes, everything that she said. The whole evening. No! Ever since they crossed paths months ago.
Things were familiar between them while at the same time being weird.
But Tori attributed that to being close friends and then falling off the face of the earth for years and BOOM! there they were both previously married and with their own daughters. How could things NOT be a little awkward?
(But now this takes on a new dimension! Jade and me, we go way back. But her being...gay...was a more recent epiphany.)
(Wasn't it?)
At least if Jade's own admission is to be believed. But she had been one to speak her mind. Tori wondered if Jade hated keeping secrets because she felt secrets were stupid. Or, maybe, keeping a part of you from people is a sign of weakness. At least to Jade.
Had Jade knew this about herself way back when, Tori would have been supportive for sure!
(And she certainly would not have made a move like that. We didn't quite vibe that way in the old days. Didn't we?)
"Maybe...in the heat of the moment...she wasn't thinking clearly?"
(Okay, when has a brain fart ever resulted in a smooch?)
(Fair enough.)
Tori sat cross-legged on the rug in the laundry room.
"What if...what if she really does like me like me? Now what?"
She looked down to her naked left hand, focusing intently on the ring finger.
"Nothing, that's what!"
Without thinking, she rubbed her own lips. Flashes of the kiss came rolling back.
(Okay, there's probably no ambiguity of Jade's feelings, I fear...)
(But what do YOU think? How did it feel to you?)
Tori rolled onto her side, curled up to fit her frame on the yellow rug.
"I don't know."
Tori sat across from Dr. Ivy not saying a word.
They held their notepad and pen while Tori had a pen of her own. It was sitting in her left hand, thumb and forefinger rubbing it.
Ivy noted this.
(Almost obsessive need to keep the hand occupied. She's processing...something.)
"Tori?"
"What?" she blurted out, looking up.
"It's been five minutes, and you haven't said a word."
"Oh...really?"
Ivy put down their notepad.
"Maybe you would like to talk about the holidays? How was your break?"
"Oh, uh, Christmas was very nice. My parents came to visit and my sister and one of my oldest friends."
Ivy was glad to see Tori smile, though her eyes were saying something else.
"That's good. I spent the week with relatives in San Bernardino. How was your New Years?"
CRACK!
Tori looked down at the pen she had been holding was now broken into two. She didn't even realize she did that. But now the cheap plastic stick was busted, and she had an ink stain on her hand.
"Here," Ivy offered a box of tissues. "See? They have many uses."
Their efforts to break the tension was only met with a mild huff from Tori.
"I guess I should be lucky it was one of the crappy pens from the office and not a ballpoint, or there would have been a real mess."
Dr. Ivy chuckled.
"That's a personal favorite philosophy of mine," they said. "Appreciate the small victories, or at the very least know things could have been worse."
"Yeah, I guess," Tori grinned. "I'm apparently more than a figurative mess."
Ivy waived their hand.
"Okay, okay, let's not be reductive."
Tori clammed up, low-key had a moment, when the subject of New Years came up.
"Did...something happen?" Ivy asked.
"No," Tori shook her head. "I mean...yes. No, I mean..."
The Latina shut her eyes tightly like she was trying to wake herself up.
"I don't know where to begin," she sighed. "But it's been haunting me for days and I'm gonna burst if I don't get it out!"
Ivy gave Tori a sympathetic look. A disarming demeanor.
"You can start wherever and whenever you like. I'm listening."
Tori let herself become hypnotizes by the ticking of the wall clock beside the good doctor.
She thought about the broken pen and realized that's going to be her if she doesn't pull the trigger and talk. Besides, Ivy is the most objective individual she could think of. Nobody else felt comfortable enough for Tori to discuss this. Not yet.
"Okay," she sighed long. "I can't remember if I ever brought her up before but...did I ever mention Jade?"
They shook their head.
"I see. Well, remember that big school play a month or so ago?"
"Yeah?"
"The director, that freshman, Alice, her mother is Jade. Jade is...an old friend."
Ivy straightened their posture a bit.
"And was this Jade the old friend who came over for Christmas?"
Tori shook her head no.
"That was Andre. We were tight back in the day, still are. Fun fact: he and my sister are an item."
"Well, isn't that just cozy," they smirked. "I take it since Jade's daughter goes here, then she must be in town. Do you see her often?"
Tori looked to the side with a sad expression.
(Interesting.)
"Actually, she spent most of the holiday break in Massachusetts to see her in-laws."
She looked back at Ivy and held up her hands.
"But they're divorced!"
(Why did you feel the need to emphasize that detail, Tori?)
"These things happen," Ivy shrugged. "Did she call to wish you well?"
"Not really. Jade and Alice surprised us on New Years Eve."
"Oh, that's nice! How was that?"
Tori put her hands together and set them in her lap.
"It was...It was..."
Ivy leaned a little to the right, studying Tori's movements.
"Mia was happy to see Alice. They're friends."
"Oh, I'm sure!" they said with a smile. "But what about you, Tori?"
"Huh?"
"Were you happy to see Jade?"
Tori bit her lip.
"Of course, I was."
"You two get along, like old times? You did mention you guys go way back?"
Tori shrugged.
"In the beginning..." she made a tense grimace. "Static, you know? Jade did not care for me at all."
Ivy scribbled a few quick words and flipped the paper to a fresh one.
"So, what changed?"
"I don't know. The fighting and getting on one another's nerves was happening less and less. But after high school, for the longest time, we didn't see or hear from each other."
""When did you start seeing her again?"
Tori stretched.
"Um, oh, right! Alice's first day at the end of September."
"That must have been a surprise," Dr. Ivy said.
"Oh yeah!" Tori nodded.
"Was it like old times?" they asked.
The tan woman gave it some real thought.
"Honestly, it was...nothing like old times. So much has happened to us in the fifteen years or so since we were in contact."
Ivy wrote something down.
"What?" Tori leaned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing, relax. This is more common than you think. All the BS we experience during childhood seems so insignificant when we're adults. I wager you and your sister get along better now."
"Yeah," Tori chuckled. "We do."
"That can make being a parent difficult sometimes," Ivy noted. "See, when we turn our backs on adolescence, we forget what that time is like. Even me, I see students every day and while I am...ahem...not a teenager, I need to put myself into their shoes."
"That makes sense."
"How would you describe the dynamic between you and Jade...now?"
Tori sat back and stared at the ceiling. She let out a puff of air.
"It's...nice. I feel like we're closer than ever before."
Ivy narrowed their gaze.
"Does that closeness trouble you?"
"No?"
"Tori? Did something happen?"
Her hands white knuckle gripped the couch.
"Was there a fight?" they pressed.
"Not exactly."
Ivy glanced at the clock behind them and refocused on Tori.
"It's your session," they told her. "Technically you have ten minutes left. But if this is too much right now and you want to cut it short, I understand."
Tori sucked the air in through clenched teeth.
"At midnight...Jade kissed me."
(That would be the opposite of a fight.)
"Was this..." Ivy leaned with concern. "Unwanted?"
"Oh, no! Jade would never do that, I mean, she isn't like that!"
"It's okay to express discomfort when someone we know oversteps their boundaries."
Tori stood up defensively.
"No, please! Don't get the wrong idea about Jade. It was...a surprise. I just didn't see it coming."
"Then what happened?" asked Ivy.
"I excused myself and left the room." Tori closed her eyes. "And I haven't talked with her since."
Ivy made a point to place the tissues beside Tori once more just in case.
"Were you upset with her?" they asked.
"No," Tori sighed. "I mean, it took me time to calm down from the shock."
Dr. Ivy nodded expressionless. Tori didn't need to get the sense there was any judgment here.
"So, you've thought about it since then?"
Tori nodded.
"And what do you think?"
She opened up her left hand and traced the lines of her palm with her right thumb.
"I think I liked it."
A/N: I hope nobody was confused by the scene with Tori in the laundry room. The double-parentheses were meant to be her being at war with herself. I may use this for other characters in the future. I just felt going back and forth between spoken monologue and thoughts was getting kind of dry, so I wanted to try something different.
I'm originally from the south Pennsylvania area and the Mummers Parade was a big deal every New Years Day. But being a local event, those outside the east coast had a time getting it on their TVs but YouTube helped with that. Check it out if you haven't, it's a spectacle unlike any other.