Requested by: StoryReiter
Current Client: EMIYA Part II, Ft. Mysterious Heroine X
EMIYA: You want to explain why you had us waiting outside for almost an hour before letting us in?
Irisviel: I'm sorry, I just... I really didn't want to talk to you two again.
EMIYA: I wouldn't have bothered at all if I were you.
Irisviel: I know, but I couldn't figure out a way to sneak out without you seeing me...
MHX: Well, we're here now and we're hungry!
Irisviel: I'm not a snack bar.
EMIYA: Pardon the obnoxious child; she's here for moral support.
Irisviel: Now I really don't want to know what you're up to.
EMIYA: Look, it went like this. My dumb younger self asked me to get Saber a snack to hold her over until he could cook something up and he had somewhere to be and I said okay just to get rid of him, but every time I turn around there's another Saber, and either Shirou's finally giving her enough mana to go in and out of spirit form or she's gone ahead and cloned herself, and while she's not nearly as annoying as all the other Shirou's running around, I can't tell which freaking Saber I'm supposed to feed and I've been carrying this stupid yakisoba bread around with me for half the morning.
Irisviel: And... where does she come into all this? *points to MHX*
MHX: Have I not told you before? I am Mysterious Heroine X, and it is my sworn duty to locate and exterminate every member of the fell Saberface clan! This funny red man and I walk along the same path, set our eyes on the same horizon! For ill or dread, we are comrades in this fight!
EMIYA: When she heard I was looking for Saber she started following me and wouldn't go away. Also, she keeps trying to steal the bread and I'm pretty sure this isn't the right Saber.
MHX: I am the only Saber with the right to exist! Thus, snacks for Saber are snacks for me! THE YAKISOBA BREAD WILL BE MINE! ALONG WITH EVERY ARTURIA'S HEAD ON A PIKE!
Irisviel: What pike?
EMIYA: Just impale them on that stupid ahoge.
Irisviel: A-anyway, you're here to find out which Arturia is Shirou's Servant, correct?
EMIYA: Look, I'm about three seconds away from eating the darn thing myself and letting the kid deal with his hungry Lion King all on his own. Just hurry this up.
Irisviel: Okay, okay, no need to get bossy. Um... *searches through files* I believe this is the one you're looking for.
EMIYA: This says 'Violet Evergarden'?
Irisviel: Ehh!? I don't – I don't remember even making a file for her...
MHX: Hey, boss lady, why is there a knight sleeping under your desk?
Irisviel: Get out of there! And here! Take this! *throws a stale cookie at MHX*
MHX: Oo! Oo! Gimme!
Irisviel: Look, here's a picture of the original Arturia. You got it?
EMIYA: They all look like this! This only difference is her clothes!
Irisviel: Well, she's not changing clothes every five seconds; it's all you have to go off of! If nothing else, you can just, oh, I don't know, actually talk to them and ask if they're the right one!?
EMIYA: You know, at this point, I might actually be on board with this little freak's master plan. There is no logical reason for so many freaking Arturia's to exist.
Irisviel: Well, look at it this way. Now all of your own duplicates get their own Sabers! They'll never be apart, no matter what universe or timeline you're in!
EMIYA: …
Irisviel: That is the face of a man who has nothing more to live for.
MHX: *talking around the cookie in her mouth* Sho now da you know which wunya wan, can I kill da resht of em?
EMIYA: You know what, yeah. Yeah, you can. That'll be... fun.
Irisviel: You can't just enable genocide like that.
EMIYA: Oh, no, I think this will end much differently than she anticipates.
Irisviel: …
Irisviel: Welp, there goes my good night.