Okay, okay. That totally wasn't embarrassing! He reacted the normal amount of cringe, considering the circumstances. It's not everyday a bot finds out that his idol is still alive. Yep.
Still alive, and apparently knew him well enough to talk casually! He's doing super right now, and totally not trying to upchuck from the ball of anxiety bouncing around in his tanks! Yep, super!
Swerve tried to take in some nice calming breaths. They were coming out more like desperate gasps of air. Great, he was doing great, staying calm. Now if only his servos would stop shaking like a wet turbo fox.
It was hard to comfort Veer like this. She had woken up when her sire said his name. Swerve helm felt light headed. Oh yeah, her sire! Blurr is her sire!
How could he ever forget? He glanced down to take in her sleek shiny blue frame. Veer hiccuped back up at him. Swerve rocked her gently, the best his nervous frame could, knowing his distress was upsetting her.
He just couldn't reign in it. Swerve was delighted the racer was alive. Of course he was! He's dashing, amazing, and an overall badass! All the things Swerve wasn't. That's why he'd always been drawn to the racer. He inspired him. Blurr's career got him through some hard times.
Swerve moved his hoverchair to a nice, dim corner of the communication deck; praying to Primus nobody would see him. Everyone was gathering around to hug, share stories, and bask in the happiness of being reunited. Swerve really couldn't handle that right now! He wanted to! He did! He really did! But…
Swerve knew if he heard any of their voices he'd become a puddle of tears. He missed them- He missed Ten being a constant strong presence in his bar! He missed the way he drew on napkins then presented them like gifts to Swerve after shift! Swerve had a binder of those napkins he collected, kept safe in protective sleeves. He'd looked at them on nights he felt the most alone.
Already he could feel moisture forming behind his visor. He quickly wiped away any evidence of it. Veer keened at her carrier, cheeks becoming flush from strain, and her own tears falling. Swerve lifted her up so her helm could rest on his shoulder. He patted her back a couple of times as he whispered calming words to her. Veer hiccuped then buried her face into his neck.
"I know, I know. We both are feeling a lot of emotions right now, and that's okay. We're okay sweet spark," he soothed.
Veer slowly relaxed into his frame. Her sobs tapered down into unhappy beeping. Swerve nodded in agreement. Things were hard being such a tiny bitlet. He rubbed soothing circles in her spinal strut until she went slack against him.
Very carefully, Swerve rearranged her into a cradling position. Veer struggled to keep awake. Her helm would start to droop before stubbornly jerking up. She was fighting naptime so hard. Swerve busted out his secret weapon- The bartender pressed her helm right against his spark plating.
Veer rubbed at her heavy optics. She blinked up at her carrier before finally losing the battle. Her tiny snores were music to his audio receptors.
Swerve sighed suddenly, feeling very tired himself. No, not tired. He felt stripped raw. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. He was starting to regret ever thinking this universe hopping was boring. Now it was just complicated.
All of his friends, his amica, were all alive! Swerve was beyond happy about that. He'd mourned them, grieved for them. All of them. Everyday he'd wake up from recharge wondering who was next? Whose face was he going to miss around the bar? Who's favorite drink would he make only to have no one to serve?
He wouldn't lie- Swerve often daydreamed about them. He imagined that one day he'd come into the bar to find Ten hovering by the door to make sure bots won't get out of line. Trailcutter would request a virgin cocktail as he read over his duties as head of security, and Swerve would wonder what the point of it was when he could drink all the engex he wanted without overcharge. Pipes would be off in a corner ogling Riptide. Ambulon would roll his optics at the display as Rung would sip on his curly straw. Skids would greet him with a side hug and a smile. He fantasized introducing them to Veer. This ship was their family- it felt important.
So, why was he hiding from them? They all were right there, just a couple of steps away!
Swerve felt frazzled. Blurr being alive unlocked some deeper feelings he'd been hiding away. He wasn't anywhere near ready to confront all of that.
Maybe it was because he was afraid? Ha! Afraid? He felt like he was walking on a tightrope, teetering on the cusp of a full blown panic attack! He was a little clown centerstage for this shit show; one wrong move and his whole act would fall apart!
He couldn't do that to them. Not after everything they've been through! He was supposed to be the type of clown that delivered one liners and laughs! Not the sad ones full of tears and regrets. His friends deserved a happy Swerve! He wasn't sure he could make that performance right now.
Not with the way his processor kept echoing that Blurr was alive! He was alive, with this weird expectation for Swerve because he apparently knew him! Well, no, he knew a version of him. Probably a better version! He had to be if Blurr could stand his aft.
Not to mention the situation with Veer. Swerve had accepted in his spark that Blurr was dead! He'd never know of his daughter. Swerve convinced himself it was better that way. Accept that bitter truth and move on.
He had cried about it. Swerve wanted to give his creation the world yet there was one thing he could never provide- a sire.
This second chance should be a great thing! Veer would get to meet him. But, he was scared for both of them. He knew all too well what rejection from Blurr felt like.
Swerve glanced down at the numbers inscribed onto his palm. Who knew simple numbers could hurt so bad? He balled his servo into a fist to hide his greatest shame. He didn't know the racer, not really. Swerve swallowed the lump in his throat then took in his daughter's sleeping form. He didn't want Blurr to reject her.
He didn't want him to reject her because of who her carrier was. Swerve wasn't naive- he knew exactly how he came across: A pathetic fat minibot who's only good trait was he used to be a metallurgist. Not exactly the type famous racers wanted to be associated with.
What's worse was that this Blurr was expecting a different Swerve. Boy, wasn't he going to be disappointed with what he got. He just hoped it didn't ruin any possible relationship between him and Veer.
Swerve startled as a servo touched his arm. He frowned seeing Skids standing there with his brows furrowed together. Of course Skids would have questions after that call.
"So, are we going to talk about…" Skids shifted his gaze to the communication hub.
Swerve laughed. "Oh that? Just trying to beat my record for how fast I can make a conversation awkward. Five whole seconds! I'm beating my score,"
"Swerve, buddy, you're deflecting… "
"Me? Deflecting? No, never. Why would you ever think I'd deflect? It's not like I just embarrassed myself in front of the coolest warriors across the galaxy. Nope, I'm just moving my mouth because that's what I do! Motormouth Swerve at your service!"
Skids kneeled down to be on the same level as him, grabbed a hold of his free servo and squeezed. Swerve squeezed back as two sunshine yellow optics pleaded with him. That's when it hit him. This Skids lost his Swerve. Just like he really lost his Skids…
"Okay, okay…" Swerve rubbed his tired face, "I admit it. I'm deflecting."
Could he really blame him? There was a lot to process. Swerve stroke his daughter's cheek to distract himself.
"Look- I don't know about your Swerve or how things went down in your universe, but in mine I didn't know Blurr. It was more of a pity frag situation," Swerve admitted with his cheeks on fire.
"I don't buy that…Swerve, nobody would ever just pity frag you,"
Damn his throat tubing. It felt all tight. Like he was going to cry. But, he definitely wasn't going to.
"Hah- I appreciate the confidence but it's true. We hooked up a couple of times after that crazy dead universe incident. Wait, did you even have that here..? That- doesn't matter. I'm rambling again."
Swerve tried his best to ignore the way his voice shook with every word. Skids was his amica. It was okay to cry a little.
"But I heard it from the bot himself- Wow, it was embarrassing. More embarrassing than calling a fake number for years. I really thought hey! Things are looking up! Cool Blurr really finds me funny. Maybe we could be friends on top of frag buddies!"
He hadn't said a word to anyone about what happened between him and Blurr. He had nobody left to really talk too. Now with Skids here, holding his servo, Swerve let the tears well up and blind his vision. He sniffled feeling as if his spark was going to break.
"I'm not the Swerve this Blurr wants. I'm not even a Swerve my Blurr wants. Skids, I'm so fragging scared-"
Swerve took off his visor since it kept getting in the way of him wiping his tears. He sat it on the armrest so he didn't have to see Skid's frown. He must be a pit of sight in his current state.
"What… What if he wants her? It should make me fragging excited but- what if he tries to take her away?" Swerve chokes out.
"Hey, hey, buddy. It's okay- Blurr would never do that to you- Swerve, I don't know about your Blurr but this one- He would never dream of taking Veer from you. Trust me, he's just happy any version of you is alive."
Swerve bit his lower lip while trying to stop his tears. "But I'm not your Swerve- or his. I'm just- me. The fragged up version of me!"
Skids shook his helm. "By that logic I'm not your Skids and you shouldn't care about me," the theoretican sighed with that pained look in his optics. "Swerve, you should hate me. Tell me, what did your Skids do that ensured so many of you lived? My Lost Light- my crew is gone. But yours? Almost everyone made it… You're stuck with an inferior Skids."
Swerve felt a fierce protectiveness surge from his spark. "No! Skids, I could never hate you! Original or not, you're still Skids!"
"And you're still my best buddy. Original or not," Skids said with a sad smile.
Swerve laid back in his seat. "I see what you did there. See, that's how I know you are just like my Skids. All soft sparked and nice.." Swerve smiled back. "Correction I guess- You are my Skids."
"And you are my Swerve," his amica confirmed.
How did Skids manage to cut down the majority of his anxiety with one conversation? Swerve didn't know. Maybe Skids had a second secret outliner ability that makes him an awesome friend?
Still there was a looming threat that bothered him. Swerve sighed hugging his sleeping daughter close. He wanted to be prepared- For her sake.
"Skids, can you tell me about this Blurr? How does he know me?"
"I will buddy, promise. But first, let's go say hello to the others. Ten has been missing the scrap out of you."
From where Swerve was sitting he could see the gentle bouncer's hulking form. Ten was facing their direction, standing on the tip of his pedes, like he wanted to come over. Swerve smiled feeling the same way.
Swerve laughed, wiping away any evidence from his little breakdown. "Okay, sure. Seeing Ten sounds awesome. Just gimme a second so I don't look all mopey and slag."
He fished out a spare rag from his subspace, that he kept for sparkling related emergencies, and cleaned his face, before putting his visor back on. There! Back to happy Swerve. The one everyone loves.
"Okay, ready- just..do me a favor Skids"
"Of course, what's up buddy?" Skids asked as he stood.
"I bestowed upon you a noble quest- Keep co-captain princess Veer safe from any bots that may wake her from her slumber. We are lucky that she fell back asleep once. If she wakes a second time then say goodbye to our audio receptors. We'll be wearing hearing aids like Blaster."
Skids saluted him. "I swear on the matrix of leadership that I helped steal- Veer will have her nap time".
Swerve laughed. Yeah, he sometimes forgot how much of a wild badass Skids was. His amica was practically a super spy.
"Thank you agent Skids. How will my hearing ever repay you?"
Skids beamed. "Just keep being you. Annnd maybe let me hold her after she wakes up?"
"Oh deal- Skids, buddy, old pal. You're going to be holding her a lot. We got time to make up for, and she's a little attention seeker."
Just like her Sire. Swerve smiled despite that thought. Blurr was something he'll deal with later. First, came his friends.
Their ship couldn't go fast enough. Blurr revved his engine in frustration as he zoomed past a curve. His tires glided like oil against the ground. Swerve was alive and only three cycles away. He was so close!
Blurr finished another lap, his spark soaring in his chassis. He couldn't stand still! He had to keep moving or the inferior pace of their ship would drive him mad!
Blurr was never a patient mech; he preferred things at a fast pace that left wheels spinning and motors purring. It's why he was assigned so many courier missions during the war. Get in, get out, and boom! He was done!
This though? Frag, this was torture. He needed to be there now!
Blurr zipped past the small crowd of onlookers, ignoring their concerned looks. The onlookers were mostly made up of newer members of the Wreckers- Ironfist, Hubcap, and other little guys that Blurr hadn't bothered learning the names of. He didn't see much of a point until they survived at least one mission.
Some of them would clap as Blurr, once again, beat his own track time. Blurr would have rolled his optics if he wasn't in his alt-mode. This? This was nothing. It was unfocused nervous raw energy.
Their oldest team member watched him burn laps around the makeshift track. Kup had pulled up a chair muttering something to do with his rusty hip joints. Slowly, he savored his cy-gar, lazily blowing out smoke anytime Blurr whipped passed. He knew the old geezer was doing more than just watching him. Kup was concerned; he was looking for answers.
Blurr ignored him. His own processor was moving too quickly for him to even talk properly. No doubt it would come out as a jumbled babble. He naturally talked fast- faster than a normal cybertronian.
He had to focus to slow down his speech enough for others to understand it. It was a tick he had worked his whole life on controlling. He had it down, for the most part; but it was harder when he was flustered.
Right now, Blurr was too distracted. His mind kept screaming at him to go go go! Swerve was alive!
Blurr's spark had flip flopped when that slagging cute bartender appeared on camera. Swerve, always flustered, ran off before Blurr could even confirm he was okay. It was equal parts frustrating as it was reliving to see him act like his usual self.
Even if he was technically a different Swerve. Skids had sent him a data report that clarified a few things after their call ended. Blurr was too distracted at the time to fully absorb the information. All he knew was it involved quantum drives and parallel universe's. It was a helm ache he should have expected from the Lost Light.
It was why Swerve appeared so panicked when Blurr had addressed him. They were basically strangers. Supposedly. Blurr had a feeling there was more to it.
Though, something more than that felt off. There was more to it than just a nervous fan panicking. Blurr was used to that. No, Swerve seemed frightened by something. Blurr ached, having a hunch what it could be.
He jerked his wheel as unwanted images flooded his processor. Blurr swore, wheels spinning out, as he lost control. He went hurtling towards the wall. The only thing he could do to stop the collusion was to quickly transform as he flew forward; arms extended, as he stumbled into the metal bulkhead. Blurr gnashed his denta together as the vibration traveled up to his socket joints.
Kup was already up and out of his seat before Blurr even had the chance to steady himself. The teal mech was on him like an axle hound to its pup. Blurr sighed feeling worried servos checking for damage.
"Kup, I'm fine!"
Kup held his cy-gar in his mouth as he prodded at the racer's seams. He scowled down at him once he was satisfied then smacked him upside the helm. Blurr reeled back surprised.
"Good, cuz I'm gonna scrap you myself for that stunt!"
Blurr, with his now slightly bruised ego, bristled at the old soldier. He took a step forward with his arms crossed, purposely getting into Kup's space as a challenge. Kup wasn't having any of it. He put out his cy-gar, and made a show of slowly putting it in his subspace, as he gave Blurr that ominous smile a furious creator gave their sparkling.
Blurr watched the display with a poker face that could even rivals Smokescreen's. He knew that he had misstepped. Kup wasn't at fault for his own blunder, he was only concerned for the racer, but Blurr was angry.
Oh, he was angry. He wanted to go down to the brig and torture Getaway until the mech begged for mercy. He longed to hunt down the members of the DJD to give them a taste of their own medicine. Most of all- he wanted to tear himself to shreds.
"Blurr, me and you are going to have a spark to spark. Something has crawled up your exhaust port and it's more than you are letting on. Because this-" he gestured at the scuffed up flooring then poked Blurr square in the chassis, "Is beyond ridiculous. You've been running laps for hours and you're still worked up more than a miner with a pleasure drone!
Before Blurr could rebut the old soldier Kup grabbed him by his back kibble and dragged him towards his chair. He forced Blurr to sit down, then turned his attention to the new recruits. He pointed to the exit.
"Scram if you know what's good for you!" Like magic they all disappeared.
Kup huffed watching the door shut. Blurr heard it click, knowing Kup must have sent the command for it to lock. Blurr scowled.
Kup walked in front of him, arms folded, and knowing optics barring into him. Blurr had been ignited from a hot spot, not kindled like some upper class mechs, but Kup somehow always made him feel like a misbehaving youngling.
"Now, is it safe to assume your mood has to do with that minibot?"
Blurr took a deep vent as the urge to snap at Kup came surging forward. It really wasn't any of his business! But Blurr reminded himself that Kup wasn't there to judge him, he was there because he cared. Blurr nodded and sighed. Kup was right, but it ran much deeper than that.
He rubbed his face suddenly not wanting to carry this burden alone. He went slack against the chair as the tank twisting image came to mind. He glanced at Kup then to the ground.
"My Swerve is dead. Found his frame back on the Necroworld myself before I called you. He was in pieces," he confessed.
Kup frowned, already knowing that much, but nodded for Blurr to continue. The speedster closed his optics remembering the sight, and covered his intake with his servo as his fuel tank churned. It was by far the worst thing he'd ever seen.
Blurr, took a breath and moved his servo away from his face. "They didn't just dismember him- They butchered him," he covered his intake again. Blurr could have laughed. 'Butchered'. It was worse than that. Much much worse.
He had found Swerve propped against a wall, abdomen ripped open, and faced twisted in agony. Swerve's gestation chamber laid in his lap; barely recognizable amongst the gore and energon The forge was squashed open by some kind of massive force. Blurr tried not to think about how the shape reminded him of a pede. The sight had made him sick.
Blurr swallowed, his mouth suddenly too full of lubricant. "That wasn't all I found though Kup," Blurr admitted, his voice strained, and an odd guttural noise slipped out of him before he covered his intake again. He didn't realize he started to shake until he heard the rattling of his frame against the chair. Blurr hunched forward, lips pursed, and optics pale. He squeezed the chair as a wave of nausea washed over him.
There was one last thing Swerve had to give. A secret that would haunt Blurr for the rest of his function. Nestled against Swerve's chassis, in a mockery of a carrier's embrace, laid the smallest frame Blurr ever saw. A frame so very similar to his own. Blurr tried to focus on anything else but the sickening image that was burned into his mind, as he took slow deep breaths, in an attempt to calm his tank. There was a long moment of quiet before he was able to move his servo and continue speaking.
"Swerve was sparked, Kup- He was carrying my sparkling!"
Kup swore. Blurr gripped the armrest hard enough that it cracked. Ashamed, he looked away. "That isn't all. I think-" Blurr struggled to find the words. He leaned forward in the chair, servos fidgeting, as he looked Kup in the optics.
"I think this Swerve- is too. "