Chapter Twenty-Four: Overwhelmed

Kylo should be happy. The girl creeping up against the wall, putting as much distance between them as she could, was scared and miserable. She would be docile and accommodating from now on, and he'd turn her fear into raging resentment, stepping back as it consumed her in darkness. She'd hurl the map out, bitter at her friends' abandonment, and fall under his heel, donning Knight armor in a howling thirst for vengeance that would never be quenched.

Instead, he found himself anything but. The sight of Rey's sunken shoulders and bent head made more of the accursed regret rise up. No mention of desperate tallies needed this time. Kylo yanked at the ends of his already-in-place-gloves, trying to dispel the restless energy roiling within. How could she strip him of years of apathy just by staring at her feet? "My plans no longer include doing that to you," he ground out, willing her to meet his eye.

Rey didn't acknowledge this monumental concession of truth, hanging her head lower.

"Look at me," Kylo snapped, leaving the doorway. Her curled stance left him blurting pledges and destroying any hope of tactics, and she couldn't muster enough faith to even glance up?

Lashes fluttered as she lifted her face to his.

The obedience didn't gratify. "It was self-defense," he insisted, angry he sounded like he was justifying his actions. He didn't have to. She wasn't his moral compass. And they were mindless beasts for Force's sake.

Condemnation darkened Rey's gaze, but her answering nod was dutifully deferent.

"I saved you," Kylo continued, taking another step forward. "Why do I earn this heavy-handed meekness now? For something grave or heinous? No. For keeping you safe."

"I'm not meek." The words shook as they slipped past her gritted teeth. "Disgusted more like."

"And terrified," he added dryly.

"You'll have that when your kidnapper mutilates easily-overpowered animals right in front of you," Rey returned.

How am I the bad guy here? Kylo wondered, mystified. The gorgodons were in a kill charge. "If you hadn't fallen," he pointed out. "I wouldn't have had to do it in the first place."

Anger pinched her face, and Rey pushed off from the wall. "If you hadn't pulled me, I wouldn't have fallen," she shot back.

And WHY would I have done that?! He felt his own anger spike. Maybe to keep you from being eaten?! "I was trying to get you inside the bunker," he seethed.

"I've maneuvered this body for twenty years," she spat. "I think I can manage retreating by myself."

Kylo glowered. "Like you managed to stand after you fell?"

"I was SCARED!" She flung.

"You're upright now."

"This is different."

"How?" He spread his arms wide. "You're coating the ship like I'm about to string you up any minute."

"Are you?"

"NO!"

They had each left their posts, crossing the room to meet in the middle. Kylo could see the slightly-askew panel past Rey's shoulders, but got distracted by the damned curls of brown hair twisting up at her ears. They were an emblem of her blind bravery, charred and jagged, and he hated how he didn't hate them.

His gaze must have lingered, because she leapt back as if she'd been burned anew, sucking in an unsteady gulp of air.

"Rationalize your brutality all you want," Rey muttered. "You liked hurting them."

Kylo waded through the space she'd just made, crowding close. "And there it is," he growled. "That's what frightens you." His heaving chest almost brushed her nose. "You aren't worried about those spitty, clawed monstrosities at all. You're afraid you'll grow to like inflicting pain like I do. That if I teach you, it'll open a locked door in yourself you'd rather not explore."

Rey shoved him away, snapping her bent elbows straight with surprising forcefulness. "You've seen into my skull," she said hotly. "You know better. I don't have any secret doors in me."

"What about the one that hid your connection to the Force?" He pressed. "It's flung wide now."

She shoved again, but this time, Kylo didn't yield, planting his feet.

"See, Rey?" He taunted. "This is how legs work. Your brain sends messages to them, and they respond. Amazing, right?"

"Shut up."

"Oh? Is there still a bit of backbone in all that mild submission?"

"Shut. UP."

"What new beast should I capture to snuff the last of it? Something small and fluffy perhaps?" Kylo jeered. "Or does your woe only come from dangerous ones who want to make us dinner?"

"Leave me alone," Rey muttered. "I concede to whatever point you're trying to make."

"That's not good enough."

She sighed heavily. "What do you want from me?"

Kylo opened his mouth to respond, even as his brain went blank. What did he want? Her fear was a good thing. He thrived on fear.

Rey seemed to notice the hesitation, because she pounced. "You still don't know," she said. "You have no idea why you're keeping me alive." She started retreating backwards. "That's why I'm so scared," she offered. "Because one day soon, you'll wake up, make a decision, and end me."

His lips had stopped working. They hung open, parted, cut off from commands.

"Please let me go," she whispered. "Please."

A word finally escaped past his teeth, hoarse and resolute. "Never," he uttered thickly.