Author's Note: Thank you very very much for the many kind reviews for last chapter. I experienced writer's block for this one and I am sure the amount of words that I erased reached over 1000 words for later half of this chapter alone lol. I actually wanted it to be a two-chapter story but it got way too long so I decided to make it a three chapter. This Arc actualy was a kind of an "accident" lol
I have terrible ability in planning. No wonder my Professor is very worried about my research...
Disclaimer: I do not own Kantai Collection, or any of the songs lyrics I used in this script. However, I did translate the Japanese lyrics my self, unless stated otherwise.
I realized, that by chasing after someone's back
the thing that I hold in my hand is someone else's possession
but now what the spring breeze is blowing over,
even if it's empty, it's "me"
4U – Hello My Friend
"No... no... NO!"
Something wet on her face broke Kagerou off her nightmare. Lightning fast she moved, grabbing what had woke her up with battle trained reflex. The nightmare brought her adrenaline into to its peak, turning her senses a dozen fold stronger than usual. Her eyes focused, her body tense, her breathing ragged and rough.
But what she caught in her hand was totally not what her body was prepared for.
Within the dimly lit room, a pair of eyes and a snout greeted her, way too close to her face.
Then a whimper.
"... Kuro-chan...?"
The dog snuggled to her with the call of his name, then lifted its head and licked a tear off the side of her face.
Was she crying?
Kagerou touched the other side of her face, feeling a rather unfamiliar wetness.
She was.
A whimper came out of Kurogane's throat again. The dog put its head on Kagerou's neck.
I see...
The dog, who had been sleeping at her foot, came closer to her face.
Slowly, Kagerou hug the dog. He felt warm. His heartbeat thumping against hers, strong and sure. Without Shiranui, who was out on an expedition, there was no breathing other than theirs. Kurogane's presence was solid in her arms. Warm. Strong. With her increasingly lowering heartbeat, Kurogane began to wag his tail again.
He whimpered.
"I'm okay."
He tilted his head.
Even the dog was not convinced.
A small smile appeared on Kagerou's face and she hugged the dog closer. She was not alone.
"I'm okay now, Kuro-chan."
The dog answered her. And the tail wagged. Surely this time.
Like normal days. Like under the daylight.
Inadvertently, she smiled wider.
"I'm okay."
With the dog in her arms, her waiting for morning call slowly brought her back to slumber. Calmer this time.
Dreamless, after a very long while.
~ Escort ~
Kanon spun a blue armband she usually wore on her right wrist with her index finger. She was sitting on a sofa at one side of Admiral Office, near the door to Airi's "lounge" room made by her Kanmusu. She came after a while to the base, having some time off after a workshop in Hiroshima and decided to drop off at Airi's base in Tottori before going back to Nagoya, the research center's place. It had been quite a few months since the last time they met, there were many things they could talk about, especially about the research.
Airi had conveniently asked Shouhou to go deliver some request to the cafetaria, saying it was a special feast for "my old friend Kanon"-all to make room to have some time alone... and also to piss the researcher off. Airi could drop any kind of formality and any kind of bomb without Shouhou around. She just HAD to, by the way, for her amusement. Of course with Shouhou there, Airi could not exactly drop her sarcasm in full power. That would spoil her fun. Kanon knew that all too well.
By her desk, Airi looked into the list of Kanmusu present in the base at the moment. Kanon just requested for a "brief" conversation with one of the older Kanmusus, as preliminary studies before she launched a more serious study on their psyche. Every Kanmusu had different experience and distinct personality. Each of them also has her own past memories, which may affect how they cope with situations. It would be kind of hard without a control group comparison but she would somehow make do with what she had. For that, she needed to see first hand how bad was their mental health. Of course, she could kind of rely on secondary data coming from Airi, Lieutenant Kouseki, or other reliable sources, but she still had to have some first hand samples. Random sampling would take too much, since they did not have that many people to help around. Thus, she would have to do a case study and determine which Kanmusu with "presentable" mental condition. Taking samples from other base would be great... but at the moment it did not seem likely, unless it was strictly in their niche, like Admiral Kudou's or Admiral Fukumoto's. She rather doubt there would be any stressed Kanmusu there though.
Thus, the best sample would definitely be in Airi's base.
Yet even then...
Kanon massaged her temple. Would this really work? Would the military be convinced?
Numbers were all they wanted. Qualitative study did not seem to matter to them...
"Is Lieutenant Kouseki around?"
"Oh, Kouseki-san is always by the factory if you need anything. If he doesn't come for any kind of reason he will inform the office."
"Kouseki-san", eh. Kanon suppressed a smile.
"Yeah, I will need to check on the readings of that device I told him to install. It might mean something."
Measurements on overall kanmusu performance was critical. In the end, what the military wanted were proof that will benefit them. If they can prove that better welfare equals better performance, the military would definitely be more likely to implement whatever proposal they might have. There might also be abnormal readings if trauma or hesitance kicked in. That could also be a kind of proof to be used.
The problem was, IF that actually happened. And IF there was a reading she would be able to rely on as a standard measurement.
"Oh, good then. You can go ahead to the factory and tell him, Non-chan," said Airi rather nonchalantly.
"... Wait a minute, Ai. You won't take me to the factory?"
"You already know the place, right? Why should I?"
"Eh, seriously? I am your guest! Your "Old Friend Kanon",and you don't escort me there?"
Airi laughed. Kanon still remembered when they were children. She was playing to Tendouji household's manor and actually got lost into a sermon hall when she was supposed to meet Airi at the dining room. She had to sit through an hour full of sermon and got out with cramps all over her legs. When she got out, all Airi said was, "May you reach enlightenment." coupled with a roar of laughter. It was all simply because Airi said, "You've been there before, right? I don't have to fetch for you." the day before so she did not escort her friend around the manor.
Airi definitely overestimated her best friends' spatial ability.
"Of course I cannot just blow your cover like that," the admiral chuckled, giving her a copy of the list she was reading. She seemed to remember their past, enjoying the memory. Airi might be kind, but there was this other side of her that certainly can be quite sadistic and sarcastic. "Let's have dinner together at my place today so that you can leisurely talk to him about it. I will cook something too."
Of all things that Kanon liked about Airi, was that she could cook decent meal. Being the first of three siblings whose both parents frequently away, Airi had been taking care of her two siblings since she was a child. Perhaps that was among the things that shaped her assertive and dependable personality. It also gave her a lot of housework ability. She may have power in her hands to order someone else around ever since she was a child, but she was the kind of princess that would clean her own toilet.
...if such princess even existed by the way.
"Ah, Haguro and Ashigara are free today. Do you still want to interview them?"
"That will be perfect. Please."
Kanon had been wanting to interview the two heavy cruiser since Airi talked of her idea. However...
"But for Haguro and Ashigara I would like to be more... acquainted," Kanon suddenly added. Airi looked up from her documents, giving a questioning look. Kanon looked into the time table again. "It is written here... that they will be free for like... three days? This week? Can I have more time to get to know them? Or maybe can you arrange it like that somehow?"
Airi bit her bottom lip.
"Well, I can try... though I cannot guarantee that they won't somehow know you are actually interviewing them."
That would be tricky indeed. Kanon figured that perhaps Haguro would be a bit defensive. Ashigara perhaps even more. Presenting herself as an ally and not a researcher from the central seems like a tricky business. Actually, making herself being identified not as a researcher would be even more of a problem. So far, Airi had been introducing her as her "doctor friend", not as a "researcher". It was true that she was a human doctor, even if she was not an active practitioner for years now. Sooner or later they would definitely know what was her real job. No one liked to be analyzed or to be treated as a research object. It would naturally placed them on a defensive stance. Natural behavior would be hard to examine.
Being Airi's friend meant it would be easier for her to establish a rather close and personal relationship with them though, if possible. Given time, if it worked, that would make even knowing her as a researcher would not be much of a problem. It would take longer time... but the study would be a little bit more reliable.
Perhaps. Maybe. Probably. If perchance.
Actually she had no other choice. It would be a waste thinking about that.
Plus, she had time. Unlike her other research, she was not really in a hurry.
"I will take what I can get I guess. Is Haguro still having her anxiety problem?"
"Ashigara has never told me about it anymore for quite a while," Airi furrowed her eyebrows, trying to remember. "Well, she can go around the base alone pretty much fine lately."
"I see."
Kanon looked into the document in her hand again. Airi had written the name of ships available beside today's timetable. The researcher's eyes swept the names, one index finger still twirling the armband.
"That means she will be fine meeting me, no?"
"I believe so. She will stutter from time to time but she always does anyway with everyone."
"Even with you?"
"Even with Ashigara."
"Heee~~"
Airi chuckled. Her eyes turned distant and a fond smile curved up her lips.
"She's a really good girl, you will like her."
Kanon believed so. The kind of good girl people would use.
Wasn't that exactly why she had this problem now?
The exact reason why Kanon was never quite... the "good girl".
"Ashigara will be against her going with an outsider alone, so I cannot have her escort you around," Airi pushed the back of her right fingers to her lips, thinking. Kanon raised her eyebrows. Ah, that hot blooded sister of hers. "Hmmmm..."
"Well, if you pushed on having her being an escort it would also seem quite odd so I guess lets just forget having a time just for the two of us," Kanon sighed. She did not want to appear analytical from the very beginning. She should genuinely establish a relationship with the ships if she could, and that meant having unrelated chit chat most of the time. Being fishy from the very start will make data gathering difficult. "Is there any other ship you can ask to escort me today, then?"
"Oh."
Airi seemed like she just remembered something important. She scoffed at herself, which made Kanon furrowed her eyebrows.
"Ai?"
The Admiral laughed. She tapped her fingers on the desk.
"Why am I so stupid," She giggled. "There is exactly one very suitable escort for you."
"Oh?"
"She is..."
Suddenly a knock was heard from the door and a brief second later it opened. Shouhou was back. Their eyes meeting each other, both admiral and researcher knew their time was up.
"Admiral, the cafeteria would be ready by lunch. The chef said there would be no problem for the menu."
"Splendid! Thank you, Shouhou."
Airi smiled broadly at the light cruiser. Her eyes flew briefly to a stack of documents on the "mail in" box of her desk then to her best friend sitting by the sofa.
"Well... there is still sometime until lunch. Would you like to spend it at the resting room, or..."
"Nah, that will be boring," Kanon caught wind of Airi's track of mind. "I think I will just walk around a bit."
"Sure. Do you want to be escorted?"
"You will let me go in this huge base alone, Ai? With my spatial ineptitude? Seriously?"
Airi laughed. Her smile contained a dozen meaning.
"Of course not. Shouhou, call Kagerou. I think Kagerou will also enjoy some conversation with the owner of Kurogane's parents."
XXX
The destroyer she saw was not the one coming from her laboratory. It was always quite interesting to see the look of ships she had not seen developing. Kagerou class, like they all said, was quite a class of their own. Having better armor, better build, better guns, Kagerou class were the first of the group of elite destroyers. Kanon had seen Yukikaze before, a cute bubbly girl with beaver-like feature. She was charmed by her personality and also, of course, her utility. The Field Admiral of Okinawan seas treated the destroyer like a princess, with an obvious reasoning. And now what she saw in front of her was the nameship of said class, Kagerou herself.
As expected, she had sure eyes and rather easy going yet steady disposition. She was rather tall for a destroyer, just like most of the destroyer of her class, a very good build. Lean and athletic. The armor looked good as well. A vest always looked good. Kanon would have loved to have Kagerou class's armor style as her high school uniform if she could. Too bad she and Airi instead shared bland sailor uniform in junior high and an equally bland easily deliquent-looking senior high school uniform. She had never really worn them right, unlike Airi who would always look proper. She would always look like a deliquent, and Airi like a class president. If only these people just know how Airi could have been once she take down her "good person" look... but of course no one would believe strange girl Non when she said things... Ironically no one except Airi.
Airi's smile when she said, "have a nice trip around, Non-chan!" as Kagerou escorted them both out of the office, kind of want to make Kanon capture it and put them in a billboard sized warning poster.
"Is there anywhere you particularly would like to see?" asked the destroyer, smiling. She was walking in light agile steps. Her hand, covered in white gloves, lightly touched the railing of the stairs as they walked down. Kanon put her hands inside her pocket, like she used to do when she was wearing her lab coat, and answered lightly, "where do you suggest?"
"Mmm.. The main garden?"
A reasonable guess, and pretty common.
"In this heat? Nope."
The destroyer laughed.
"I hate this heat too," She said openly. It seems easy to strike a conversation with this girl. "The only other options are the dormitory, the cafetaria, and the factory. The cafetaria is pretty bland... but I can't take you to the factory so..."
"That reminds me," An opening. "Ai said you have one of my pups."
The last statement gave immediate reaction. Kagerou's eyes lightened up immediately. Sudden burst of excitement and energy came from her. She stopped her steps and turned around.
"You're the one who gave Admiral Tendouji Kuro-chan?"
I guess that works really well. Noted.
"Yep, although actually—"
"OMG NICE TO MEET YOU, SENSEI! Thank you soooooo much for the puppy!"
"Don't thank me, thank Ai, really. How's the pup?"
"He's really fine!" Kagerou practically almost bouncing with excitement. "You want to see him, Sensei? He's by the dormitory!"
"Oh, I sure does!"
Perfect. Here goes.
XXXXXX
"The weapons ran well, right, Shiranui?"
"Yes, Lieutenant."
"Very good."
Heishi smiled, plugging in a cable into a port by Shiranui's gun. The destroyer was just back from a mission with the battleships. It was a good timing, since they arrived back right when Hakurei-sensei had her visit. Heishi definitely could see Admiral Tendouji inviting them for a late night meal again, with some discussion. That meant he should gather all data from the machine and compile it for the researcher this afternoon. He wondered if some reading was good...
"Lieutenant."
Shiranui apparently had not dismissed herself. Heishi turned back immediately. It was quite strange for Shiranui to be the one striking conversation. The destroyer was originally very quiet and only talked when necessary. The only one Shiranui actually really attached to was Kagerou, and it was mostly because they could understand each other almost without talking at all. Thus, this must be really important.
"Yes?"
The destroyer was visibly thinking, beyond those glass eyes. A while later she finally found her words.
"What's Admiral Tendouji planning?"
No animosity lodged in that question but Heishi could not help but feel guarded. He had received the same questions from the other ship as well, mostly during the measuring device installation. Tenryuu commented that it made her feel like being spied, Choukai said it made her felt like wearing a seethrough clothes. They only said it was slight, but of course anyone would want to know the purpose of such device. Heishi said there was "no problem" before to Admiral Tendouji since initially they all said so. Perhaps he should revise that since it seemed the girl find it quite uncomfortable during battle.
Heishi was still thinking for an answer when Shiranui continued.
"Kagerou never said anything about that day."
"That day?"
The destroyer cast a look at her gun, although her mind seemed to be elsewhere. The sound of the other mechanics, clanking of steels, and roaring of the machine passed them by unnoticed. It took her a while before she finally talked again.
"... The one meant to sink in Shiranui's fleet was not Hiei-san."
The purple eyes slowly drifted back, looking at Heishi.
"In Kagerou's, they were most likely not Kirishima-san and Michishio."
That end of winter failed siege. It was true that the report was never really out. Kongou's assault also brought the importance of that report to its end quickly, as her aggression was more important that time than the "usual sinking of kanmusu in duty". It was unmistakable that the late Admiral did let the battleships and destroyers sunk. However no one other than the fleet that time and Kaga, as the late secretary who read the original reports, really knew what happened. No one bothered to talk about it either. Everyone tried to move on from such events quickly. The kanmusu were programmed to brush that as another risk in their line of work. They could be "reborn" anytime. Sinking was not much of a problem, if that was really required. No one would think of having their mind erased each time happily of course. The present them would disappeared. There would also be loss of construction.
There were emotional burden. Undeniably so. And there must be something more in Shiranui's words, but she did not continue.
Feeling how Shiranui did not wish to further disclose what she had implied, Heishi watched Shiranui drifted to a place in the back of her mind again. The destroyer seemingly trying to find the pieces she had carefully organized to hide. After a while of sorting out her mind, the destroyer talked again.
"Shiranui wants to help if what Admiral Tendouji has in mind will help Kagerou."
Her eyes turned dim.
"Is it, Lieutenant?"
The serious tone of Shiranui's question made Heishi asked her instead of answering. It was not accusing nor finger pointing, just a genuine question.
"Do you not trust Admiral Tendouji, Shiranui?"
Shiranui did not react to his statement. She merely stared back, her eyes unreadable. The question hung for several seconds. The destroyer answered with calm, sure voice.
"Shiranui does not."
"I see."
That was unfortunate. And coming from Shiranui, Heishi knew there was not a speck of lie in her words. That also explained her rather distant disposition towards the Admiral, which was almost strictly formal. It was, however, to be expected. After being used as disposable and blatantly being called so, it would be hard to trust anyone in that position. Heishi knew trust was not something he could just create. It was established naturally and he could do nothing if Shiranui already said so. It was unfortunate. The mechanic smiled and raised his shoulder.
"Well, if you said so— "
"Why do you though, Lieutenant?"
The question made Heishi straightened his back and raised his eyebrows. Shiranui did not take off her eyes from Heishi's, following his when he averted his gaze elsewhere. The question itself was simple, but the answer was not. Why? It was pretty obvious for Heishi.
Pretty obvious.
Why is it... obvious? Heishi felt like something clung to his tongue, but he could not voice what it was. Since she was sincere? How did he know she was even sincere? Her attitude?
He took a deep breath and smiled at the destroyer.
"Why should I not, Shiranui?"
The destroyer seemed quite taken aback by the question. Heishi knew for her, not trusting was the one that was obvious. Yet she herself could not voice it, like how he could not. Heishi could pretty much figure out why, though. The long time she served under Admiral Jiro accumulated distrusts and hate, and anyone would have a hard time coping and changing the feeling of being threatened by the same authority. No one could change right away. Ashigara needed quite some drastic measure to finally at least try to trust Admiral Tendouji. The others cope with varying degree, no matter how subtly.
Perhaps they just dont know each other well enough for now.
"Maybe... you should talk to her more? I think she will appreciate your company and would love to have some conversation with you."
"No one said that to Shiranui before."
Heishi laughed.
"I bet Kagerou did?"
"She said it felt like having a monologue."
"Ahahahahahahaha, Kagerou can be pretty mean."
A small rare smile finally came to Shiranui. Kagerou could be, indeed. With all her bright and chirpy teasing.
Remembering her older sister, she looked down. Her slightly amused smile turned sad. Heishi stopped his laughter. The change in Kagerou must be something serious enough that it affected Shiranui. Gently, he put a hand on Shiranui's head and pat her.
Rather surprised eyes silently questioned him. He smiled back.
"Kagerou is strong. She can get through this. Don't let everything bring you down."
Shiranui did not answer. Her eyes turned distant again. Emotions filled her eyes, something more than just worry, sadness, or pain.
"She reminds me of myself."
The destroyer's lips made a tight line.
"Have Shiranui been wrong, Lieutenant?"
Something more hid behind her words. Heishi withdrew his hand, observing the destroyer. He waited until Shiranui finally looked back to him again, and smiled. Slowly, he said what probably was the echo of that certain person. What she would definitely say in this situation.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
XXX
Sitting by her working desk, Airi flipped an old report file folder. She took her warm tea and sipped it, savoring its taste and the calm it brings. The clock behind her ticked steadily, occasionally distant sound of guns from the pier where her heavy cruisers currently training cut of the monotonous silent gap. It was still several more minutes until lunch at the cafetaria with Kanon, and even longer hours before their meal at her home. Perhaps she should have thought about the ingredients for the meal she would cook tonight, but after meeting Kanon she was reminded on something she always forgot to backtrack. After sweeping through some files, she found what she was looking for.
She took another sip of her tea and settled.
Suddenly knockings came from the door, and it opened a while later after her answer. It was Shouhou.
"Admiral, I have Kaga-san just like your request."
"Oh, right on time. Please come in, Kaga. I have something to talk about. Thank you, Shouhou. Oh, maybe you can check on the cafeteria for now? I am sorry to make you go back and forth..."
Shouhou gracefully bowed, understanding her silent request.
"Understood, Admiral. Please excuse me."
The door closed behind Kaga, the standard carrier, who merely glanced back at the door before looking back at her admiral. If she was confused, her face looked amazingly placid, as usual of Kaga. Airi smiled, gesturing at a chair she had prepare in front of her desk across her.
"Please, I think it will be quite long."
Thoughts obviously ran through the carrier's head now, but she said nothing. After she was seated, finally she talked.
"What would you like to inquire to me?"
Airi smiled. She showed the folder she was holding. Understanding seemed to fill Kaga's eyes a while later. The admiral settled the book in front of her and joined her hands.
"I would like to ask... about the time when Hiei, Kirishima, and Michishio sank. I think you as the secretary would have known what happened."
Kaga's eyes fell on the file folder.
"I do not mind," her voice was incredibly flat and emotionless. Her eyes looked up back at her admiral. "Would it not be faster if you ask the fleet members of that campaign, Admiral?"
"Maybe it would, but events like those usually left some scars... which I would like to be able to predict before I approach those who were really there," Airi smiled. "You filed the report, and was supposedly there with Admiral Jiro when he commanded the campaign. You are also an objective observer. I would like to know your side of the story."
"Very well."
The standard carrier closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they gleamed golden.
"Where would you like me to begin, Admiral?"
XXX
"Eeeehhhh~~ the Admiral used to have a dog before?"
The destroyer widened her eyes. Kanon laughed.
"Actually mine is from her too. Airi is extremely knowledgeable when it is about dogs."
"Heeee~ I never knew~"
They were by the back garden of the dormitory watching Kurogane running around chasing invisible rabbit. They had been talking about dog keeping, dog stories, and other things, and finally Kanon told her that she could have just asked everything to Airi, being a dog owner for over 20 years. There seemed to be more questions floating in the destroyer's mind, but she mostly just show surprise. Kagerou was still being careful. This will take time.
As silence now span between them, the destroyer fondly watched her dog, a small smile always present on her face.
"I don't know why Admiral Tendouji gave me Kuro-chan... But whatever the reason, I am really thankful she did."
Kanon only smiled.
"...maybe I should drop by and say thank you some time..."
Exactly as plan.
XXX
"YOU SHITS CAN SINK FOR ALL I CARE!"
He punched the command board, so hard that the planted table shook. He looked into the map with manic eyes and hissed.
"I dont need you small fries."
The microphone was still on, sending the message over to those at the seas.
"You all fries can sink, just fucking get my battleship back here. You dont worth my buckets "
To be Continued~~~~~