Author's Note: Good day. I hope this chapter will not bore you all. More Original Characters. Actually I am always nervous when I introduce original characters. Most people do not enjoy OC in fanfic, and I understand that very much (since most read fanfic for the character of respective anime to come up in situations, no?). But ah well, I decided to just write it away. 10k words. Please enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Kantai Collection or any of the songs I used in this fic. I translated the Japanese lyrics.
To live, is strange, To die, is strange
the flowers and the wind and the city; whichever, they were all the same
... within the memories that were locked away,
you'll hear the whispers that are never forgotten
Itsumo Nando Demo - Kimura Yumi (Spirited Away)
"Airi, isn't it?"
That back, broad and strong, stirred slightly. With his back on her while he still faced the altar, how he knew she was the one who came, was something Airi perhaps would never know. Without waiting for him to turn around and see her, Airi kneel and sat straight with the movement she knew by heart.
"Yes."
She bowed deeply, her eyes looked straight onto the hardwood floor of the temple she knew very well.
"I have come home, Otousama. It has been a long while."
~ Stone Garden ~
"So Commander actually talks in Kyoto dialect, that is... unexpected."
"Eh? Really? But I'm from Kyoto, you didn't know?"
"I do, but.. but I have never heard you talked this much in that dialect before..."
Admiral Tendouji laughed. One hand still chopping the cabbage, she looked at the destroyer beside her fondly. Asashio's eyes were still on the potatoes she was peeling. Admiral was the one chopping, while Asashio peeled. Meanwhile, the ricecooker made bubbling sound as the inside boiled. Admiral Tendouji wore apron on top of her white uniform, which did not match at all and give quite a strange feeling.
"You dislike my dialect?" With a sign of laughter in her voice, she said jokingly . Asashio felt her face reddened and she quickly turned to look at her commander.
"No, Commander! Not at all! I find that... I find that suits you?"
"Eh, really now? Senpai said that didn't suit me."
Admiral Kudou? So Commander talked in dialect with him... Asashio turned to her peeling again, flustered.
"I-I think it sounds more natural. It makes you sound... umm... approachable."
"Hmmm?"
The chopping sound stopped. The Admiral leveled her head with Asashio, smiling.
"Am I not?"
Oh no.
"N-No! No! I don't mean that way, Commander, I mean-"
The Admiral laughed. She straightened up and continued chopping.
"It just did not suit the formality of job, I guess, so I don't use it when I am working."
"I remind her of work, but you remind her of home."
Asashio bit her lips, still peeling the potato. She remembered Hakurei-sensei then Admiral Kudou, and everyone the Admiral met today. She used dialect with all of them. Did that mean... with them she did not think she was working? But with her...
That... isn't fair...
Asashio put down the peeled potato she finished, taking another unpeeled one.
"... But you're not working right now, Commander."
The chopping sound stopped yet again. Asashio looked beside her, finding the Admiral observing her silently. Seeing a rather amused yet mischievous smile on her Admiral's face, Asashio drew herself back, feeling her face turned redder.
"You want me to use dialect with you?"
"Eh?"
Her smile turned even more amused.
"I won't."
"Eeeeeehhhh...?" Asashio put down her potato and peeler, turning towards the Admiral, who now had straightened herself and chopped some carrot. "B-But why..."
"Unless..."She glanced beside her, raising one of her index finger. "Unless you also drop your formal speech with me, Sweetling."
Asashio opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Dropping the formal speech? But as a soldier of course she couldn't. That was the most impossible thing she had ever heard from her Admiral.
"B-But you are my superior, Admiral, and I..."
"Then I won't drop mine either."
The older woman returned to her cooking job. Her last look at Asashio were filled with a lot of meanings, and Asashio knew, among them, were a challenge.
"Equivalent exchange, Sweetling."
She smiled sweetly.
XXX
"I have an important thing I need to talk to you, Otousama."
"Of your engagement?"
Silence fell between them. She did not hoped the question would come so fast... and so easily. Her father still had not moved to see her, and instead still facing the altar. From his back and his silence, however, she could see he disliked the silent answer she gave.
"Leave me for now, Airi."
His father, who slightly looked back from his shoulder, now had his attention on the altar again. Her fists trembled, Airi could not stop herself from speaking out.
"Otousama, I have..."
"Airi."
She closed her eyes. It was the same. The same voice, the same intonation, the same strict words. Her body remembered them so much, it felt as if they drowned away every last bit of will she had. Just one word and she understood everything.
He was her father, and she was the daughter. It was something that would never change.
"... Yes, Otousama."
Breathing out, Airi bowed for the last time.
"I apologize. Thank you very much for your time. I will excuse myself."
XXX
"Tadaima..."
A voice came from the front door, just right when Asashio put down a bowl of eggplant shimmered in soy on to the table. Since the family dining room and kitchen were on the inner side of the house just behind the great room for guests, the voice of anyone coming in from the front door could go through the opened partition door to the dining room. Asashio quickly turned to look at her Admiral, who at that moment broke into a very wide smile. She winked at her destroyer.
"Shiori, my sister," she said. Her eyes suddenly glinted and sparkled with affection. With a rather mischievous smile, she hollered, "Okaeriiiiiiii~~~!"
That person who just came in must have been quite surprised, Asashio could imagine. For a while there was not a single sound or voice, as if that person stopped whatever they were doing to ascertain themselves they did hear a reply. A while later footsteps came hurrying towards the dining room, the sound of foot tapping on hardwood floor. Finally, a woman appeared by the dining room door. She still wore white nurse suit, tidy and proper with her hair tied up with a hair clip by the back of her head and her bang, though rather untidy with her previous running, covered the right side of her forehead. Her brown eyes, so akin to her older sister, widened when she saw who was standing there with an apron, smiling.
"Shiori."
"Oneechan...?"
At one second she stood frozen...
And the next second, she literally leaped into her big sister's arms. Her handbag, plastic bag, water bottle, everything flailed when she threw her arms around her sister. They hugged so tightly, almost roughly. The little sister, Shiori, kept on repeating the same, "Oneechan! Oneechan! Oneechan!" while burying her face on her sister's shoulder. Given the tightness of their hugging and the obvious intensity of longing and happiness, Asashio could only wonder how long had it been since the last time they met. Off the top of her head, Asashio remembered Admiral Tendouji rarely took vacation. This much emotions from meeting, the Admiral must have been missed a whole lot by her little sister.
"Oneechan... Oneechan why didn't you give a call?" Finally Tendouji Shiori lifted her head from her sister's shoulder, still not letting go their embrace. Her older sister gave a light peck on the forehead, and a gentle pat, and Asashio thought she could see affection overflowed in Tendouji Shiori's eyes. Asashio could not make out Admiral Tendouji's face from her current angle, but she could pretty much picture the kind look her Admiral used to give to Haguro-san... or Haruna-san. "I could have come home sooner and cook you some meal instead..."
"Ah, well, I wanted it to be a surprise, so..."
They finally released each other. Admiral Tendouji still had her hand on her sister's shoulder, however. She seemed to examine her little sister from top to bottom.
"You look really good in this uniform, Shiori. It suits you."
"And you look so grand in yours, Oneechan!... Why don't you change first?"
"I thought I would do that after I took a bath... Plus, you have never seen me in this outfit, no?"
"No... no, I have never... I mean it has been so long and you never wore them here," She suddenly took a deep breath. She looked into her sister's eyes. "Oneechan, I miss you. Okaerinasai."
A small pause spanned between Admiral's reply to the remark. A smile was definitely present in her Admiral's reply, along with a hug that followed after.
"Tadaima, Shiori."
XXX
"I thought Kanmusu would look a lot more domineering... I guess I was wrong."
Asashio felt like lowering her head. They sat circling the dinner table, enjoying the dinner that Admiral Tendouji had made. Shiori-san actually had bought some cold bento box for herself, but upon finding the food had been prepared on the table by her beloved sister, she did not think twice to have dinner together. After all, it has been so long since she ate her sister's cooking. Admiral Tendouji finally introduced Asashio to her little sister, who looked surprised but curious. That moment, however, Asashio saw how her sister was so alike with her older sister, in the way those surprised stares turned into those of gentleness when she addressed Asashio.
"People often have that misconception," Admiral Tendouji stirred her miso soup with her chopsticks, smiling. "Kanmusu are girls like Asashio or like you and I. That helps, though. No one suspected Asashio is a Kanmusu even if I take her on a train."
"Of course. Is this your first time riding on a train, Asashio-chan?"
It felt quite strange to have someone other than fellow Kanmusu talked to her in non formal, thick dialect. Just like her sister, Tendouji Shiori had this gentleness that stick to her words and tone. Unlike her sister, however, she used her dialect freely, addressing Asashio as a younger girl. Her eyes were so similar with her sister though. This made looking at her right to the eyes felt quite hard. That said, Asashio quickly saw how she was suited to be a nurse. She seemed to be a very kind and loving soul, much like her sister.
"Yes, it was my first time. Commander taught me how to use the ticket machine."
"Oh, she did? How did you find it?"
If there were anything else of similarity between Admiral Tendouji and her little sister, it would be that feeling of reassurance and that feeling of being appreciated. Tendouji Shiori's eyes always seemed like they glitter with interest, which made one felt like talking more. It seemed she was happy with just listening, just like her sister. However, unlike her sister, she did not have that particular "motherly" feel. Admiral Tendouji had that air of authority around her, a certain assertiveness. Tendouji Shiori, instead, had this strong patronizing and rather submissive nature.
They talked over dinner, from Asashio as topic to other things such as Shiori's school. Just listening to Admiral Tendouji and her sister's conversation, it was clear how they had a lot to cover. Taking some more food to her plate, Asashio watched the conversation.
It felt... warm...
Talking over dinner surrounding a kitchen table, with food that taste extremely kind and humble... made Asashio felt her chest tightened. At times Admiral Tendouji jested, saying several jokes that made her little sister pouted and seemed upset. Admiral would gave a light pat on her little sister's head when that happened, then the conversation flowed again naturally. There was this air of familiarity that differ with when Admiral Tendouji was with Hakurei-sensei. With Hakurei-sensei she was more playful and open. With her little sister she was more consoling, nurturing, with occasional harmless tease. At times Asashio got caught into the conversation again, or maybe either Shiori or Admiral would ask her to take some more food. Something between them transcend the closeness of Admiral and Hakurei-sensei. Perhaps it was their intonation, or the way everything naturally flowed.
As Kanmusu who had meal in cafetaria, Asashio used to eat together with many people. However unlike with the other Kanmusu, where all felt like colleagues, here in this table with Shiori-san there, all feelings of being in duty just melted. The whole atmosphere of the place and of Shiori-san and Admiral's interaction crumbled the usual "job-related" atmosphere Asashio was accustomed to.
When they finished eating, all three of them tidy the dining room and washed the dishes, something you did not have to do in a cafetaria. There was something in the wordless way it happened that made Asashio felt all the more warm inside.
"Oh, yes, Oneechan doesn't have Oniichan's room key, right?"
Shiori-san said while finishing the last of the dishes. She gave it to Asashio, who wiped the dishes dry with a napkin. Admiral Tendouji, who wiped the dining table, raised her eyebrows.
"I don't. What's wrong?"
"I mean, our guest rooms haven't been dusted for years. Oniichan was just here last weekend so I think his room will be okay. Where will Asashio-chan..."
"Eh, my room of course. We'll share room."
"EEEEEEEHHHHH?!"
Instead of Shiori-san, the one who gave surprised exclamation was Asashio herself. Both Admiral Tendouji and Shiori-san looked at her at the same time. With the Admiral? In the same room? Admiral Tendouji laughed at her reaction.
"You hate me that much, Asashio? That hurts. Ahahahahaha."
"N-No! No! I-It's..."
It's the opposite...
She was but a ship, an escort to her Admiral. She should not disturb her Admiral's space. She had been blessed with so much warmth and kindness today from the moment she arrived to the train station, up to this very second. Being given even more honor would make her felt way too... too.. too...
The destroyer bowed really deeply, breaking the 45 degree rule of a deep bow.
"I... I am honored, Commander. Thank you very much."
XXX
"Kanmusu... is so strange."
"Hmm?"
Airi turned to look at her sister, who watched Asashio went away. They had warmed up the bath and all three decided Asashio would be the first one to go in, given she was the guest. Asashio said numerous time that she should have gone last, being someone who were basically "the subordinate" between them, but eventually accepted. She went away with conflicted expression, however, and Airi made a mental note to have a long private talk with the destroyer at her room.
To be honest, she had been feeling a lot of remorse for pushing Asashio way beyond her limit. She had not been treating Asashio as her subordinate. Airi understood completely that things beyond their conditioning and understanding, which break their given structural work conformation, would make Kanmusu uncomfortable—even if the degree of its discomfort seems to relatively differ with each Kanmusu personality. It was the nature of their conditioning. Thus, to ease most of that burden even if she would like to break it down, Airi had still used the authoritative presence over all her Kanmusu. The concept of Admiral embedded particularly strongly in Kanmusu conditioning. It would be easier for Kanmusu to ease themselves and accept normal human interaction with lower ranked soldiers, which came to as either the same status or lower, compared to Admiral. Thus, when Kanmusu had defied and despised the Admiral, it was among the greater symptom of "breaking conditioning" which could potentially lead to transformation into Abyssal.
Shiori seemed to catch that side of the ships quickly. She stared at her sister.
"In the outside they look like normal human and act like normal human. But I guess there is that difference. Or maybe it is just Asashio-chan."
Airi smiled at her words. She took the tea cup they had prepared for their chat while they waited for bath time.
"I am studying that at the moment. I want Asashio to learn and understand human more than just as her commanding officers. I have been pushing her to her limit quite far today."
Shiori's expression hovered between understanding and blurred confusion. Her little sister did not inquire further though. She had something in mind from the very first moment she saw her in the dining room, but held it back because of Asashio's presence. She turned to face Airi completely now. Her eyes twinkled, the same way like they always did when she were a child.
They were nine years apart, so Airi's memories of Shiori from the moment she were born were quite vivid. Shouhei, being born two years before Shiori, was a bit more blurred as Airi was seven back then, but overall Airi had watched and first hand taken care of them since they were babies. Shouhei was an active kid and rather boisterous while Shiori had always been meek and submissive. Shiori cried. A lot. Leaving Shiori alone in a room would result in the little girl crying and cowering calling for either Airi or Shouhei. Shouhei would tease her and deliberately leave her, though—which Airi always reprimanded. With their parents being away almost constantly, the one who spent time with them most was Airi, until she left the house for her military school. Shiori was crying so much that time, not letting her go until she had to pass the ticket gate. Looking at her now, at the other side of the table with proper nurse outfit, made Airi felt this rather proud yet sad feelings. Her crybaby little sister had now bloomed into a beautiful capable woman herself. In her heart she felt like still spoiling her.
"Oneechan, you're away for way too long this time," the little sister's voice turned into a note of accusation. "I miss you so much."
Airi chuckled. Her sister used to love being spoiled. Looking at that slightly pouting face, she got reminded of the time when small Shiori was told to give up half of her piece of cake to Shouhei, who had dropped his. She was pouting and looked displeased but gave half of her cake anyway, with a bit of tears on her eyes. They ended up sharing without splitting the cake into two, and Shouhei, saying he rather hated sweet, stopped after a few bite. He must have felt guilty to have made his little sister compensate for his own fault. What good children they were.
"I'm sorry. These girls are quite a handful to take care of in the base."
"Seeing how Asashio-chan is, I think I understand," Shiori gave a small smile. Her eyes observed Airi longer and her voice dropped lower. "Is everything alright, Oneechan? What brings you here?"
She was sensitive. Just like how she had always been. Airi took time to answer that question, looking up at the ceiling as she sip her tea. She wondered where she should begin.
"... Is it Otousan?"
Quite the predictable answer. Seeing the change in Airi's expression, Shiori sighed. She drew her arms on the table together.
"What did he do this time? Is it tied with Oniichan not wanting to inherit the temple?"
Shiori observed Airi's silence, catching every single thing, while the older woman put down her tea cup. Her lips curved into an displeased expression.
"It is, isn't it."
Airi smiled at Shiori. She took a deep breath, choosing her words carefully. Both of her siblings were never close with their parents. Lately the tension between them had turned worse. She did not want their relationship to turn even murkier than it already was.
"It is simply because I am of the age. Otousama is just concerned—"
"Oneechan is always too kind and positive about him," said Shiori rather strongly. She placed her palm on the table. "Oneechan should have heard what happened last week between him and Oniichan. Oniichan was so mad he went back to Nagoya on that same day right after. Oneechan, you must not submit to his words every time. He has never been much of..."
"Shiori."
It would not be good to finish that statement, even if Airi rather understood what she wanted to say.
He has never been much of a father.
Quiet, serious, and always at the temple, let alone play with them, their father rarely even present for dinner. He was there for every temple-related schedule the family imposed on all of the children, though. The one who mostly took care of them all was their busy but gentle mother, and Airi herself when their mother had her hand full with business. Airi understood that to both Shouhei and Shiori, their father was but a far off image. He used to spend more time with them when they were toddlers, even if that may not seem much. However as they grew older, it seemed he grew even more distant, and having used to not have him around, it seemed the two started to create distance with him as well.
Shiori bit her bottom lips and folded her arms again, looking down at the table.
"... And Okaasan doesn't say anything as always..."
"Speaking of Okaasama, where is she?" Finding an opening for a change of topic, Airi quickly asked. Shiori raised her shoulder and answered, "She had a meeting in Yokohama. She might be home tomorrow. That aside, is Okaasan on your side this time or..."
"Shiori, there are no sides in this," Airi quickly cut her off right then. "Otousama isn't wrong, nor Okaasama. It's just..."
"... Who did he ask you to marry this time?"
It was but a whisper, but upon finding the change in Airi's expression, Shiori strengthened her voice.
"Not another one of the disciple?"
Airi massaged her temple. This family's predicament was always too predictable.
"They don't push me with someone I don't know this time and you know him well too."
"Who?"
"My childhood friend, if you remember. From Amakusa family..."
Light bulb sparked in Shiori's head right at that moment. She leaned forward.
"Jin-oniisan?"
Airi grinned a bit. Shiori blinked. Her head reeled for a continuation. Airi understood that it was not that simple this time, and she knew her little sister knew, this time this man that her family offered to her was actually a 'sound' option. Amakusa Jin used to be among the boys Airi mingled with during her teenagers' years. They had the same club and at times went cycling together with the group to the mountain. Both Shouhei and Shiori knew him well.
"He... you...?"
"Well, we had a relationship for some time, I initially accepted."
Initially.
Shiori tilted her head.
"But?"
"But it won't work," Airi lifted her shoulder. She sipped her tea again. "So yes, I am calling off the engagement and..."
"Is it really all there is to it?"
Her little sister's eyes were clear and sincere. Airi had never had any problem with Jin, hovering on a rather friendly relationship. Jin was regular in the temple and a very dutiful, straightforward person. They even called each other with front names. As someone who value human relation, Airi was someone less likely to call off a relationship when she had no personal matter.
"The line of Tendouji is to be cherished."
A bokken dropped to the floor. Gritting her teeth, Airi untied the bandages covering her hand. She then sat silently in her room, finally not having the responsibility to do all the exact steps and rituals like what she had to go with at the dojo. It hurt. The bruises hurt.
But they said they were proud of her.
"An only child of Tendouji household must preserve the line."
"We all have our responsibilities, Shiori."
"We have a temple to keep in the future. You should let go off your job."
Airi smiled.
"I just choose my priority."
XXX
Asashio sat straight, her eyes fixated on the middle garden, bathed by moonlight. Admiral Tendouji should have finished her bath in a few more minutes from now. She wondered if the futon was in the closet, but she did not dare to open it just yet. Truthfully, other than her own luggage she had not touch anything in the whole room. Every single thing in the room felt personal. It felt like she would invade her Admiral's privacy. Asashio did not want that to happen.
The middle garden was a small moss garden with momiji trees, a small network of streams and pond with small red wooden bridge, stone walkway, and intricately placed bonsai. On the other side of the garden was other terrace, connecting to another row of rooms. Taking care of the many gardens in the compound must have been quite a work. The whole compound would need a lot of maintenance, having many people like she saw this morning sound natural. Besides, Asashio had not seen the temple side of the compound yet... Tomorrow might become a long day.
The door slid open. Asashio quickly turned her body around, finding the Admiral walking into the room in pajama while drying her hair. Her pajama looked so plain with no pattern and just this really pale shade of pink. Asashio herself wore an equally plain pajama though. She had no right to comment of her Admiral's choice of night wear.
"Oh, you haven't taken out the futon?" the Admiral went to her drawer while looking for something. A hairdryer. "Just open the closet, it is on the upper shelf. I will help you in a minute."
"Yes, Commander."
Asashio quickly rise up from her place and opened the closet the door. The lower half of the closet had stuff like cardboxes and small fan. There were three futons inside the upper shelves. Perhaps those were for her siblings... which meant perhaps in the past they slept together in one room a lot. The sound of hairdryer filled up the rather awkward silence between them. Asashio laid out the futon, side by side, and when she finally placed the pillow, her Admiral had finished drying her hair.
"Are you sleepy already?" she asked her destroyer, who sat in seiza by the side of the futons. Asashio found it hard to answer. She was too nervous to feel sleepy, although she was supposed to feel tired from the trip and everything. The Admiral smiled at her silence. She sat on one of the futon and gestured her destroyer to sit beside her. "Do you want to talk?"
Asashio tilted her head.
"... Of what, Commander?"
"Anything," She smiled kindly. "I think you might want to talk to me about many things. If there is anything bothering you or make you uncomfortable, or anything like that. For example, the fact that you have to sleep with me. You vehemently against this, Sweetheart."
Asashio found herself looking down at the futon, feeling guilty. Her Admiral perhaps thought this was the best way yet she was the one who made issue of it. She must be feeling bad. There was also actually nothing wrong with the settings and everything. The only thing that bothered her was her own feeling that said she did not deserve such treatment, that she was nothing but a ship and her admiral should not give her space just like that.
Musing alone about it would not solve anything, though.
"... I just... I just feel like I don't deserve such treatment, Commander."
"Why is that?"
Asashio bit her bottom lips. Why? The hardest question of them all
"...because I am a Kanmusu and you're my Admiral...?"
The Admiral's eyes turned dim. She did not say anything for a while, before placing her hand on Asashio's hand.
"Asashio, you said it yourself we're not working at the moment."
Ah. The Admiral was right, as always. Asashio now felt like she had been quite an idiot. Even if so, what were they if they were not Kanmusu and her Admiral? For all this time, even if Asashio had been feeling quite close with Admiral Tendouji, she still felt there things she should and should not do, under the precipice of Admiral and ship. If she were to break that down, she would not know where to stand and it would get even more confusing and unbearable. Admiral Tendouji waited for her reaction patiently, and Asashio understood that even if they had been communicating quite clearly without saying many things, these are among those things that should be talked about openly. Admiral Tendouji taught her that, with all their times together.
"If... If we are working and I am not your Kanmusu at the moment, Commander, then..." It was hard. Her fists were shaking. "... then what should I be?"
Admiral Tendouji's palm felt warm against her face. The woman smiled, gently like how she always did.
"You can be anything you want to. Place yourself as anything you want to be."
… but what I want to be may not be what you want me to be. Asashio bit her bottom lips. Saying it that way would not be good. Of all things she wanted to be, of all thing she was jealous at, was the closeness her Admiral shared with the people today, especially Shiori-san. It was not a closeness you can just feel by being together in a month or so, it was the closeness and intimacy of years of togetherness and growing up together. Years of understanding and perhaps occasional fight and strive. With Shiori-san, it expanded even beyond that. Yet she felt that that was not something she could achieve. Not as a Kanmusu.
Perhaps this would be easier if they turned the point of view. Slowly, shyly, the destroyer asked,
"What do you feel I am, Admiral?"
With this, everything would have solved. Asashio knew she could not decide for herself what she should be if their work position were to be abolished, but the Admiral always knew where to stand and what she wanted. The Admiral smiled, like she had been expecting the question to come up. Her next statement were spoken gently and slowly.
"To me you're my daughter."
Your...
Asashio opened her mouth to say something but she could not voice anything. It felt as if she had just dreamed of the Admiral saying it. She was not against it. Not at all. Not in a million years. She had always, always wondered if being with the admiral was how it felt having a parent. Inside her heart, she knew she has settled to think of her superior as her mother, something that at times made her felt like tearing up on the several second of their hugs when they shared them in between work. For her it was her silent longing, something that she felt would better be concealed since it would never be realized. She had never told the Admiral her feelings, ever. Hearing it from her mouth made everything just... bloomed. She was not prepared for that at all.
A tear fell from her right eye. Which was followed by more tears. Before she could even react to brush it away, the Admiral already wiped them gently with her thumb. Her eyes showed reassurance and gentleness.
"Does my answer bother you, Sweetling?"
Still unable to say anything, Asashio shook her head. Relief appeared in her Admiral's eyes. Relief?Why relief... was she expecting Asashio to not liked that? It's absurd. She continued slowly.
"Does it makes you uncomfortable?"
Again, she shook her head. With shaking hand, it was her now that gripped her Admiral's hand. She looked into her Admiral's eyes deeply and answered firmly.
"I always want to think of you as my mother, Commander, I had always—"
"Why don't you call me like one, then?"
Eh?
Asashio's eyes widened. Her Admiral smiled, brushing her head.
"Aren't I your mother?"
My mother.
Her Admiral's face blurred. Before she knew it, she already threw herself into her mother's arm.
XXX
Asashio cried in her arms for quite a while that night. When she finally looked up to see her face, her eyes were red from crying yet glistening with what Airi could only say a look of wonder. The destroyer seemed to take in as much as her face as possible, and for the first time ever, she actually lifted her hand and touched her Admiral's face. They stayed that way for a while, Airi giving the younger girl in her arms the time she needed to process everything. Her lips parted slowly and she said, for the first time ever, "Okaasan?"
"Yes?"
Just a simple reply could invoke so much emotions in the destroyer's eyes. Tears evidently welled up inside those eyes once again, to which Airi could not hold herself from kissing the younger girl's forehead.
The one who should have been extremely happy was supposedly Airi. She understood that what she was wishing for was burdening and heavy, perhaps one could even say demanding. It would be emotionally exhausting and would break down the simple hierarchy of military command. More than herself, she knew Asashio would be the one to suffer the brunt of the emotional exertion. Especially if she lived longer. Perhaps she realized that, with all her hesitance. Yet, the destroyer's reaction exceeded whatever Airi imagined it would be. All emotions that overflowed from the destroyer warmed Airi's heart. That word, how Asashio called her Mother for the first time, made her unreasonably happy. Her simplest wish was for Asashio to at least call her by name, but having her being called as mother, strengthened the feelings she had in her heart.
Even if this girl in her arm was grown inside a tube, it was true that the one who called her forth, who imbued her with soul, was Airi. For Airi that was more than enough.
XXX
Asashio slowly opened her eyes. It must have been 4.30 AM, the designated time for her to wake up and go to her usual morning jog. However, the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes were tatami floor and a shoji door. There was also this warmth behind her, and the gentle pressure of an arm that encirle her body protectively.
Ah.
The realization came quite slow. She was in her Admiral's house. After crying last night, her Admiral spend time telling her several stories of her past while lying down on the futon together. She remembered the Admiral brought her into a gentle embrace when the younger girl started to yawn, and Asashio did not remember anything else after that because she fell asleep right after she placed her head on her Admiral's chest. Slowly, Asashio moved from her side way position to lay her back on the futon and looked beside her.
Admiral Tendouji was sleeping right beside her, facing her. One of her arms rested on Asashio's belly, the one that previously was on her shoulder. She breathed softly, torso rising up and down rhythmically. It did not seem like she would wake up soon...
She looked... endearing.
Still several more hours until time for breakfast. Inside her heart, Asashio knew that this was unacceptable to do as a soldier, but despite that she found herself moved closer to her mother, turning to face her, and rested her head by her chest. Even in her sleep, her mother shifted to let Asashio in. She let their body fit perfectly then hugged her gently, a comfortable position for both to sleep again. Although it was not her habit to sleep in again, Asashio could feel drowsiness and yesterday's exhaustion crept to her again. Enveloped by the protective veil that was her mother, she had never felt safer and warmer before.
She was not alone. Someone who loved her was here right beside her.
Settling herself, the destroyer pushed her head to her mother's chest, listening to the steady heartbeat and calm breathing, letting the sound lulled her back to sleep.
It did not take long at all.
XXX
They woke up to an already prepared breakfast. A note was left on the dining table, written by Shiori-san, that said she had cooked them some meal before she went to her nursery school. Her handwriting was small and tidy, ending with a heart mark near Admiral Tendouji's name. Asashio felt quite sad that they would not cook again together as she found the experience really enriching. That said, eating together a cold breakfast made by a family member still was a new experience which she found rather heartwarming.
As per discussion last night, after breakfast Admiral Tendouji would take her around the compound. She took Asashio to a study room in another wing of the main house, a room with hardwood flooring and shelves lining like those in libraries. To have such a big collection of books, this too, must have been taken care of carefully. A man was tending after the books by a big old table on the edge of the room, which Asashio identified as one of yesterday's crowd. He seemed to be the rather silent type, as he only smiled and exchanged bow with Asashio instead of barraging her with question. Or maybe yesterday Admiral Tendouji already told them not to bother the destroyer too much. Either way, to be regarded like normal person made Asashio's nervousness melt away.
Admiral Tendouji went to a large wooden study table at the end of the room, rummaging the sliding drawers.
"Here, you can have a copy of this."
The Admiral gave Asashio a A4 map, folded into ¼ of its length. It was made from thick paper, with sleek appearance, just like a brochure. Unfolded, it showed the map of the whole compound.
"Is that alright for me to take this, Commander?"
"This is just a bit more detailed version of the ones they have at the tourist information in front," She said nonchalantly. "The halls of the temple are at least detailed. Only my house and the disciple's compound aren't, but well, that is private property so it's off limit after all."
Asashio nodded, looking into the map again. True enough, only icons of "disciple compound" and "Tendouji house" were shown and unlike the temple's detailed hallway network, they were left as mere icons. The temple itself was large, with several halls connected by hall way. It even had several gates. Gardens surrounded the buildings, divided into several parts with each its respective names. It even have a specially designed tea house in the middle of what is written as "White Crane Garden".
As Asashio flipped the brochure to see the backside, Admiral suddenly patted her head. The destroyer looked up, quite surprised upon finding the brown eyes had been observing her for a while. Her Admiral gave a small smile.
"So it's only when it's just the two of us, eh?"
"Eh?"
She only smiled and started to walk outside the study room.
XXX
Once they walked over the side gate accessible from the side of the house, it was as if stepping into another place. They were facing an open space, with gravels and stone walk. By that open space there were several building. The one stood out the most would be the temple, majestic, like an old wise man looking over its ground. It was around 10 AM, but there were already many people around the temple ground, which Asashio quickly identified as tourist. She could not imagine how does it felt to have your own house as tourist destination. Admiral seemed to not mind. She smiled at Asashio for a brief moment and started walking. As she walked, she pointed at the temple and started to explain various things.
The honden was built over 200 years ago, the gate, 180 years ago, the bell tower was burnt 150 years ago and rebuilt... It may been natural for Admiral Tendouji to know so much about her own temple, but Asashio was mesmerized by just how vast her knowledge was. She explained the easily understandable version of the history of the temple, the little bits and important pieces like what a certain stack of stones means, or perhaps why there was a shrine at the garden of the temple ground, what it meant, what for, who built what and who attacked what and why, and so on. Before they knew it, some tourist already tailed them, listening to her explanation. At times some of the tourists asked for more details, for example some of the battles that took place around the city. Asashio found it was quite surprising how there were battles even on land. She always thought that perhaps the land had been the safest place for human, thus they lived on it, but it turned out even then they waged war against one another. For power? Philosophy? Those are beyond her understanding. Why was it even important, why was it even an issue. Off the sea they had the Abyssal that attacked them, why would anyone add another problem to their already problematic life? Perhaps Asashio would never understand human.
When the crowd had dispersed with Admiral Tendouji ending her explanation when she stopped in front of the honden, Asashio expressed that to her mother. That maybe she might never understand human.
Her mother's smile was kind and warm and she patted her head.
"Human never completely understands each other most of the time too. That is why it happens."
Still only vaguely understanding her words, Asashio only nodded. The Admiral smiled at her then took off her shoes, stepping into the honden.
"Come. I will show you the inside. We may meet Otousama."
XXX
"I am sorry that you have come all the way to this base yet Admiral isn't here to greet you."
Shouhou bowed numerous times in front of Admiral Kudou. He had suddenly came, along with his submarine i-59 to the base, finding Admiral Tendouji had taken a vacation for 10 days.
"I apologize for this, I am very sorry."
"No, no, Shouhou, don't apologize," Admiral Kudou smiled. "I am the one who came here without notifying. She would not know that I will be coming."
"I am very sorry."
His smile was warm, making Shouhou eventually straightened himself. Admiral Kudou did not have the familiar warmth that Admiral Tendouji or Lieutenant Kouseki had. His presence always appeared quite dominating, but he had this air of authoritative reassurance. Always so calm, so sure, kind, and charismatic, it was hard to not admire him. It was hard to not rely or be under his command upon having him around. I-59 looked around the room then back to her admiral, saying, "so what are we going to do, decchi? Admiral Tendouji isn't here."
"I think I will go and meet Lieutenant Kouseki, if that is okay?" Admiral Kudou, as always, had his left hand brushing his tidy short goatee as he think. Shouhou quickly bowed.
"Please, of course. Would you like to be escorted...?"
"That is no need, I've been here way too much," He laughed. Surely, he had. He came almost every month, some months more than just once. The handsome Admiral put on his white cap again, smiling. "Please, don't let my presence disturb your work, Shouhou. I am sure you have a lot to take care of with Airi leaving this long."
Airi. Shouhou could not help feeling this strange tug in her heart whenever she heard Admiral Kudou call that name so easily. Despite them being colleagues, they were personally close to the point of dropping titles. A distance Shouhou could never dream of achieving. Just when he was about to go out, he stopped.
"How long has Airi been out again?"
"She departed just yesterday, Admiral. She will be back in ten days."
He stood there for a moment. Still smiling, though his gears were evidently moving, he asked kindly, "did anyone else come to the base before she go out?"
Shouhou blinked. Anyone? As in? She shook her head.
"No, Admiral. Is there anything...?"
"Ah, no, no," replied the Admiral kindly. He smiled, tipping his cap. "Thank you for the information. See you later, Shouhou."
XXX
Even if the air was still hot, bringing in the ending summer with it, the inside of the temple somehow remained cold. The hardwood flooring chilled Asashio's bare feet. Hundred of years of usage made the flooring smooth and sleek, a kind of varnish you can only achieve by having so many people repeatedly walked over it for such a long period of time. There were murals on the ceilings and carvings of mythical creatures decorating the wooden scaffold of the temple. A large statue of the main deity sat by the end of the main hall, opposite of the front door. It must have at least covered by pure gold, with wheels of gold behind it and several other deities, candle bowl, and many other accessories intricately placed and decorated around it. The wall behind it was also a mural of some kind of... scenery? Or story. Group of people clasped their hand and prayed in that large hall. Some sat in seiza, solemnly praying. Unlike outside, the inside of the temple felt a lot thicker. Admiral Tendouji walked past them, towards a large wooden double door on one of the hall's side. Only half of the door was opened, and it led to a wooden hallway.
Yanagi tree grew at one side of the hallway near another hall, swaying in the wind. The panes in the hallways were also intricately decorated. The number of people around them thinned considerably. Perhaps it was the spiritual atmosphere, or maybe the incredibly formal, solemn atmosphere, it easily become a psychological barrier that makes people rather shy away from exploring the place. Admiral Tendouji easily walked through the hallway, passing through several other halls, stone garden, pushing through a closed door with "Off limit for tourist" panel on with obvious familiarity. Asashio glanced at the brochure she had in her hand, understanding that now they have stepped to the place not depicted on that brochure. Suddenly the air felt colder around her.
It was... unusually silent.
All chatters, hushed voices, footsteps of the tourists, seemed to get completely cut off when the door closed behind them. Only their footsteps on the hardwood floor were heard. Occasionally, Asashio could hear shuffling of fabric from rooms that lined up the hallways. Perhaps it was study room, perhaps meditation room, or something else, but other than those, it was quiet.
"Commander?"
"Yes, Sweetling?"
Hearing her own voice trembled when she called, Asashio bit her bottom lips. She still was not used to that name yet, and every time she tried to call, her heart fluttered with so many emotions. From her reply, the Admiral did not seem to "mind"but Asashio remembered the sparkle she had in her eyes when she called her...
… but somehow it was just too hard for now. Too hard to make it a habit... yet.
"We will meet your father and mother?"
"I hope so, yes."
Nervousness, anxiety, all resurfaced back into Asashio's heart. They must be very important persons, both for this place and also for her Admiral. Making a mistake in answering or giving the wrong impression would have made a lot of trouble for her Admiral.
Also, they technically were her grandparents, if Admiral Tendouji were to place herself as her mother. What would her position be? Would they kindly accept her?
Admiral Tendouji opened a big double wooden door, stepping into a wide terrace facing a stone garden. She stood in the middle of the space for a while, thinking. There were sliding door by the side, and also in front. She turned around to see Asashio.
"Would you mind if you wait here for a while? I think I would have to search for my parents a little bit deeper and talk to some of the disciples. I don't know if Okaasama will like it to have others stepping into her work room so..."
"I will be fine, Commander, you don't have to worry."
Asashio answered steadfastly. She had made her Admiral worried the whole day since yesterday, now was not the time to be weak and burden her even more. Admiral Tendouji's expression turned kinder, but her eyes seemed to harbor something more when she heard Asashio's reply. She brushed her destroyer's hair gently, an apologetic look on her face.
Without saying anything else, she left.
XXX
"So then it would be transferred directly to the main server. That way, Hakurei-Sensei can directly assess the data."
"Splendid. As expected from Airi's most trusted engineer."
"Ah, no, no."
Heishi shook his head and bowed at Admiral Kudou's remark. He had just finished talking about the latest data gathering technology that Hakurei-sensei brought and told to install on some of the ships around the base. Being close with Airi, Admiral Kudou was extremely knowledgeable about the happenings around the base. He would also install some of the technology on his own ship, as they had planned, so as to give a wider range of data. It seemed that this was also among his main purpose of coming.
Admiral Kudou sat on the sofa beside her submarine, who hugged his arm the moment he was beside her. A ring glimmered by i-59's finger. With his reputation and his looks, Heishi knew that this one Admiral had many admirers among the military ranks. He treated his ships well too. With all the adoration, it was easy to see how his ships... loved him. With his easy going and relatively approachable personality, Heishi could imagine him having a flock of women around. Admiral Tendouji did not seem to fit the criteria of "fans" but she sure admired the older Admiral as well. That said, they did call each other with front names...
They said being Admiral of a Kanmusu naval base equals hoarding harem. In a way, Admiral Kudou was on another level of amassing harem, if human staffs were included.
"Goya, can you go outside for a moment? Maybe find Shigure and give that letter Fusou gave to you?"
Admiral Kudou pat i-59 as the submarine showed a white envelope. He pushed her gently.
"Go on, now. Gotta make sure you deliver the letter no?"
It seemed the real purpose would soon come out.
Heishi watched i-59 disappeared. Usually Admiral Kudou came with his i-168, his secretary. Perhaps all stations were busy with upcoming operation, thus all secretary were to monitor the base closely. That said...
"Did anything happen in this base lately, Kouseki?"
The grey eyes of Admiral Kudou suddenly were already on the engineer. Much different with his playful twinkle when he came with his submarine, the light was gone from his eyes. He joined his fingers together.
"I would like to hear everything, from the last time I was here. I want to know what makes Airi so upset."
He smiled, but Heishi understood it was not to show happiness but more to show friendship.
Or was it?
"I dislike having my underclassman unhappy."
XXX
Asashio opened her eyes. She was sitting in seiza on one of the sitting pillows that were placed in rows by the end of the terrace, facing the stone garden. With all the quiet, the solemn mood, unconsciously she had closed her eyes, finding solace in the tranquility of the place. She understood why the Admiral was the way she was. The temple, the garden, the hardwood floor... everything felt tranquil and serene. Everything felt unchanging, slowing down the gears of life around to a standstill. Asashio now understood why the Admiral always appeared so calm. Living her life in such a place, it would have brushed off on her strongly. Thus, was filled Asashio as she sat there closing her eyes. However, something stirred her mind. It was not much of a noise as much as it was a presence. Slowly, Asashio turned around.
True enough, someone was standing by the door, silently observing her. It was a man of 40-50 years old. He wore all black attire of the monk here, his head was shaved as was his facial hair. His eyes, black as night, looked impenetrable, and his facial expression did not show any particular emotion. There was no animosity from him however, and when Asashio bowed to him from her sitting position, there was a slight smile on his face.
"I am sorry I did not realize you there before, Sir, I..."
"So it is you?"
"Eh?"
His voice, although deep, turned out unexpectedly friendly. He moved closer.
"It is you, the Kanmusu that Airi bring along here."
"A-ah. Yes. I am the first ship of Asashio class, nameship Asashio. It is an honor to meet you."
Asashio stood up and bowed again. The man only nodded faintly. He walked closer. Perhaps it was his socks, or maybe the way he gracefully walked, but Asashio almost could not hear his footsteps. He seemed to bring some kind of book, yet Asashio could not read what it was. His presence now grew solid. Before, it felt as if he blended with the temple that Asashio did not even realize he was there, but now it seemed as if he lets the surrounding realized his presence. Having his eyes on the stone garden, he asked again.
"How do you find this garden?"
"It's very lovely, Sir. It feels very tranquil."
"Tranquil?"
"Yes, but..." Asashio struggled. This kind of questioning, the same kind that her mother always did. What do you think? What do you feel? Perhaps that is just how people in this place are. "... but the stones, the movement, it seems like it stirred. After a while it feels that way."
The man's eyes slowly shifted to her. He seemed to smile, but it was hard to really make out anything really prominent out of his expression.
"What a clever answer," He smiled. "Is appraising among your job?"
"N-No, Sir," Asashio could feel her face reddened. "My job are only to guard, escort, scout, and ensure successful reconnaissance and expedition."
"Is that what all of your ship class do?"
"In general, yes, Sir."
"Then what makes you any different with the other ship?"
Eh?
Asashio bit her bottom lips. Yes, what makes her different? It took a while for her answer, but she remembered what her mother always said.
"Because I am me," Asashio answered. She smiled. "My specifications is different with other ship, so are my personality, my judgment, my experience, and memories. Kanmusu is unique for each of her own, Sir."
He stared at her for a while, then he smiled.
"I see. Thank you for the answers."
With that he nodded to indicate a goodbye, and without saying anything else, left Asashio alone in the terrace once again. Watching him went away, Asashio stood there alone in the terrace, wondering just what was that all about and who that person was. She even forgot to ask for his name. Perhaps she could ask that later to her mother.
That aside... the destroyer stared at the corner where he had been. Having a keen senses, she found it surprising how she did not realized him stepping into the room, or his presence. How long had he been there? Tilting her head, Asashio sat again by the pillow. It was not unpleasant.. but it was not pleasant as well. Her eyes roamed the place before they went back to the stone garden again. Somehow she felt chills.
Closing her eyes, she prayed for her mother to hurry back.
XXX
Standing in front of a polished hardwood desk in the middle of a study room, Airi flipped the paper she was reading. Throwing back a travel ticket itinerary plan to her mother's working desk, Airi sighed. As expected. Maybe her mother would come back around dinner from around three days' trip, according to the itinerary on her desk at least. Her father? She had asked around, but it seemed he would be unavailable until tomorrow, where he would have his training session as always by one of the halls. Asashio asked her, did you not tell your parents? She did. Talking to them was the exact reason why she came back. Yet this still happened. She informed them she would come back. She only purposely did not inform her siblings in hope that she would surprise them. Shiori's reaction was the only thing that cheer her up since stepping back home.
For her mother, she understood the situation. For her father... she was not so sure what to feel. To tell that his job was not important would be extremely rude, but in the span of the whole day, why could he not give just around half an hour of his time for his daughter? When he wanted to talk about the engagement with Amakusa family, he gave out a full day of his time. He made sure Airi met Jin again, in front of the parents, properly. Yet, to listen to his daughter, he did not even give 30 minutes inside his 24 hours. She met him yesterday not more than 10 minutes before he ushered her away. He did not even face her. Did he not want to see her Admiral uniform?
Her father had always been the one most against her decision on going to the military. It was against the temple, he said, so you should not go with it. However, he did not actually try to stop her. If he cared that much he would have, but no, he pretty much only said that once and never said that again. However now...
Airi massaged her temple.
In the last few weeks, she had been in relationship with this Jin, the reason why she went home earlier than usual, even with all the current schedule. Why? Simply because Jin, who came from as far as Nagoya, went to Aoya to meet her. Of course, it would be logical to meet him too, with him sacrificing so much of his time just to meet her like that. It went okay at first... but eventually it gets tiring.
He disliked her in the navy.
Once or twice were okay. But repeatedly being told to drop her job pushed Airi on edge. Just before she decided to come back, they had a fight again about it, with him not understanding why she needed to "babysit" these girls. With his less than supportive attitude, Airi canceled all of her previous plan on introducing him to her girls. No way would she let her children be near such toxic baby boy. Not only that, this was nearing their really important operation. She had enough of taking care of the preparation. She did not need additional headache of taking care of whiny, demanding boy with self worth issue.
That said...
She understood that she was not being at all helpful to her family. This small family she had, there had always been that air of formality about them. She understood her father and mother were also being matched by their parents. All her life, what she had always been doing was trying to find that small link of connection between everyone in this large house. Her detached father, her busy mother, and her two small siblings. She had always tried to keep them connected, finding rift here and there as their distance and needs changed and shifted. They were always bad at communicating with each other, but Airi always felt that even so, there was love between them still. This family seemed far, but everyone had a place. She grew up watching everything shifted, she knew that even as far as they seemed to be, her family was always filled with love.
It was not her family that left her, it was her that left her family. She left it for the military.
Even with all her best knowledge that perhaps her siblings may not be able to communicate with their parents well, she left them. Her father did not even turn to look at her completely. He had always been bad at expressing himself... and now Airi was not so sure of what kind of feelings he harbored.
Opening the slide door, Airi found Asashio sitting in seiza by one of the pillows. The destroyer seemed to heard the sliding door opening, and she quickly turned around.
The look of relief and happiness on her face was unmistakably bright.
"Okaasan!"
She sprang up to her feet and ran to her. She looked happy, relieved. With just slightly opening her arms, Asashio knew that it was an invitation. Her hug felt as if she had not seen her for years.
She waited for her.
"Sorry, I took quite a while, eh?"
The girl shook her head. What a liar. Of course it took a really long time. Else, she would not have looked so relieved.
That said, Airi knew even if it were sooner, perhaps the happiness would still be in the same magnitude.
How strange. The one family who actually waited the most for her return, was actually the one not from this family instead.
~~ To be Continued ~~