This wasn't exactly helping as I wanted it to, Hawke thought disgustedly. It hadn't taken more than a few drinks for him to realize it wasn't what he wanted.

"What's the problem Hawke?" Isabela asked shrewdly. "You killed the evil blood mage, and saved the girl. Why aren't you celebrating?"

Hawke scowled at her, looking down at his whiskey, and raised the mug once again to his mouth. He wasn't used to it, and it burned down his throat as he swallowed, causing him to frown at his drink again.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "I'm fine, everything is fine."

He could see each of them- Isabela, Varric, Aveline, Anders, Sebastian, and Merrill- looking at him in sympathy and disbelief, so he rolled his eyes. "It IS," he stressed.

"Sorry Hawke," Varric said with compassion, "we want to believe you, but we know better."

"Besides," Isabela added as she cuddled up next to him. "why settle for fine anyway?"

He glanced over at her, her grin making him smile against his will. "I don't want to settle…" he mumbled.

"Of course you don't," she replied, her voice laced with understanding. "You want it all, which is one of the things I like most about you, by the way."

"No one can have it all," he said with a sigh. "Not for long anyway."

"Snap out of it Hawke!" Aveline suddenly said sharply, though not too loudly as to have other patrons overhearing.

"Huh?" he said, as he sat up straighter, looking at her angry expression.

"You can have it all!" she insisted, "so why won't you?! It's driving us all crazy!"

Hawke's eyes narrowed at them all. "It's none of your business!"

"Sorry Hawke, but I'm with Aveline on this one," Anders replied with a smile, taking a drink as if he hadn't a care in the world, enjoying that he wasn't the only one trying to smash sense into his head.

"I concur," Sebastian added, and Hawke could see them all nodding their heads. "If you can't trust your friends to tell you the truth, who can you trust?" he asked.

"We love you Hawke," Merrill added. "We want you to be happy, not just fine."

Hawke took a deep breath and released it, turning to Varric. "And you?" he asked, knowing that Varric would be straight with him.

"They have a point, Hawke," he answered. "If you can't believe yourself or them, ask your mother, or even your dog," he suggested.

They sat, watching the expressions cross his face, trying not to smile or chuckle at his stubborn resistance to the idea.

Isabela abruptly slapped her hand on the table, gaining everyone's attention, though she turned to Hawke, pointing a finger into his chest.

"Now I get it," she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "You're scared!"

"What?" Hawke squawked. "I'm not afraid of anything!"

"Oh yes," she cackled back, looking now to the others. "The great Garrett Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, and man-whore extraordinaire, is afraid of commitment!"

Hawke scowled again, giving Isabela a dirty look, even as he could see the others either hiding their smiles, or considering her theory. "I am NOT afraid," he said again, more firmly. "And I'm not a man-whore!"

"Oh?" Isabela asked. "Then why haven't you done anything with Kitty, when you had before? Could it be because now you know she's in love with you, and you only wanted some fun?"

"She is?" Merrill asked with a dreamy sigh. "How did you find out?" she asked Hawke.

"She told him," Aveline, Varric and Anders all replied, then smiled as they realized it wasn't such a well kept secret.

"Our Cat has certainly blossomed," Sebastian noted. "That is something that would give anyone pause to admit."

"So…" Merrill looked confused, and upset as she realized what everything meant. "If you and Cat aren't together, that means… you didn't say you love her back?!" she asked, giving Hawke a worried and sad look that had him choking back his initial snarl as she looked at him with big, wide eyes.

"No, I didn't," he admitted, wondering why that made him feel so awful. "I can't, Merrill," he added.

"But, Hawke, why?" she asked, her eyes somehow becoming even bigger.

"Don't cry, please?" he begged her. "I care about Cat, of course I do. But I… I mean, she'll be better off…" He really didn't want to say it, but he couldn't help but feel it. "In the long run, she'll be safer, and happier… with someone else."

The table went silent, the crew looking around at each other, wondering who would speak. Finally Sebastian stood up, rested his hands on the table, and leaned forward to look into Hawke's face.

"Bollocks," he said, and Hawke looked up in surprise. Isabela grinned, and interrupted to add her own feelings.

"If you don't want to fall in love with her, fine. If you want to keep her away in order to keep her safe, that's your decision. But Hawke… you do NOT get to decide who she needs to be with to be happy. That is her decision, and her decision alone."

Sebastian smiled, and nodded to her, and took the conversation back. "And Hawke," he said. "She has chosen you. And as your friends, we're telling you to go get her, and be happy together, for as long as the Maker gives you to be so." So saying, he sat back down with a firm nod of his head.

"But, if you can't, then just tell her so," Anders added. "She'll be hurt, but she will heal."

"Look, I just can't marry her, all right?!" Hawke snapped in aggravation. "I'm a mage! I won't live my father's life, dragging a family around behind me as I run just to stay free!"

"Oh, and she insists on marriage?" Aveline asked. "That seems odd, since her first marriage went so badly, I would have thought she didn't need it."

Hawke's hand ran through his hair in frustration. "So… what? She's just happy to be some kind of mistress? Do you even realize what people will say about her?!"

"I'd say that she doesn't care one little bit about that," Varric added. "The only time she's even played along with the nobility is for a job." He looked over at his friend, wishing he had a bolt that could take away stubbornness. If he did, he would have shot Hawke with it long ago. "Why not just talk to the Little Dove about this?" he asked in exasperation.

Cat didn't make it far when she ran into Zevran and Fenris coming back, both carrying what looked like people, though Zevran had someone in his arms, and Fenris had someone over his shoulder. She ran forward, her breath and words frozen in fear.

"We are not hurt my dove," Zevran consoled her as she approached.

"Nyssa? Serine?" she asked, breathless.

"We only found Nyssa, I am uncertain where Serine is," Fenris spoke up, as Zevran tilted the face of the unconscious elf in his arms toward the light of the moon so that Cat could see her.

"Who's that?" Cat asked Fenris, but he didn't move the body for her to see. "The mage," he answered.

"Huon?" she asked, surprised. "Is he alive?"

"I am sorry," Zevran replied. "He was performing a spell, and hurting the lady," he explained. "It was the only way to stop him."

"He was a blood mage then?" she asked, and they both nodded. "We should take him to the templars then," she replied. "Zev, will you take Nyssa to our home?" she asked. "I do not think there is another bedroom ready, so you can put her in mine for now."

"It is always a pleasure to take a beautiful woman to bed," he answered, and Cat shook her head at him.

"Just make sure she accepts your advances before you do anything," she warned him, and he gave her an affronted look. She gestured to what Fenris was carrying, "her husband was locked up for years, and just tried to kill her," she said.

"Then she will most definitely need comforting," he replied, shifting as the woman in his arms moved and groaned.

"Cat?"

Cat moved forward, seeing Nyssa's eyelids flutter. "Yes, it's me. Fenris, and Zevran- a friend- saved you from Huon."

She saw her friend shake and tremble, and she felt awful. "I'm so sorry Nyssa," she said softly, but was surprised when she reached out and grabbed her hand.

"That bastard tried to kill me!" she said angrily. "I've stayed faithful to him all this time, and instead of coming to take me away, he tries to kill me?!"

"Such passion," Cat heard Zevran murmur, but she ignored it, and spoke to Nyssa.

"Yes, he did, but he won't get the chance to try again, thanks to these two," Cat said, seeing Nyssa flush as she always did around Fenris, and her eyes go wide as she saw the elf that was carrying her.

"Oh…uh, thank you. Thank you very much," she stuttered.

"It was my great pleasure," Zevran answered, giving her a charming smile guaranteed to have most women and even some men swooning.

"Uh…" Nyssa's mouth hung slightly open, and Cat kept from laughing, but barely.

"Nyssa, Zevran is staying with Fenris and I, so he's going to take you to our home, while we take Huon… his body… back to the templars. They shouldn't bother you again about him after this." Nyssa nodded, but she continued to stare at Zevran, not turning to look at Cat.

Cat grinned at them, enjoying Zevran's preening at the attention. "One more question though, Nyssa, where's Serine?"

"Serine?" Nyssa finally turned, acting as if her brain were in a stupor. "She's in Starkhaven, visiting family."

"Oh, okay," Cat let out a breath, relieved that they were both all right. She patted her friend's arm, giving her hand back. "Stay with Zev, all right Nyssa?" she asked, and received an enthusiastic nod. "Great, we'll be back later."

"Take your time, my dove," Zevran said, and continued walking towards their house, not bothering to set Nyssa down. "Be sure to hold on tightly, my fair one, I would be inconsolable if you were to fall," Cat could hear as he walked away.

"He's got her enthralled," Cat smirked to Fenris, and he returned the smile.

"It is actually amusing when it is not aimed at me," he replied, though Cat was concerned about the wistfulness in his voice. She wondered which elf was the cause as they turned, and made their way towards the Gallows.

Hawke had had enough, and stood up to leave. He wasn't surprised when everyone stood as well, but he gestured them back down. "I think I've had enough," he said, even as he tilted to the side. "I'd rather get home on my own, instead of being carried there."

"I'll walk with you," Anders said with a smile, moving over, and ready to catch Hawke if needed. He wasn't sure exactly how inebriated Hawke was, since his words were hardly slurring, but he didn't want to take chances.

Helping his friend out the door, Anders was surprised at how easily Hawke was walking. It seemed he wasn't as drunk as he led the others to believe.

"Hawke?" he asked. "Are you feeling all right?"

Hawke glanced over, and Anders noticed then how he looked. His shoulders were slumped, he was looking down and frowning, and he was walking slowly, without the purpose he normally carried with him.

"I… I don't think so, Anders," came the reply.

"Hawke," Anders said sadly. "What can I do?"

"Remember what you asked me?" Hawke asked quietly. "To picture my future?"

Anders nodded, and noticing that Hawke wasn't looking at him, he voiced it. "Yes."

"Well, I have," Hawke replied.

Anders waited a few minutes in silence, until the curiosity was finally about to kill him. "And?" he asked.

Hawke glanced at him, as if startled. "Well… I…."

Hawke was stalling, he could feel it. Anders raised his eyes to the sky above. "Andraste's blossoming bosom Hawke! Are you going to tell me or not?"

Hawke sighed, coming to a stop, and turning. He looked so downtrodden and sad, that Anders began to wonder if he really wanted to hear him say it. Cat will be so hurt, he thought.

"No matter how I try, I simply cannot picture my future without her," Hawke said quietly. "I want her to be safe, I want her to be happy. I can see her with children, with a real life outside of Kirkwall, outside of all… this."

Hawke ran his hand up and through his hair in his frustration. "I can see her living happily with someone else in my mind, every time. Yet… whenever I try to see myself… I cannot see me- without her."

He looked up at Anders again, his features giving away his near desperation for help. "What do I do about that?!" he asked. "How can I take away her happiness, for my own?"

"Oh, Hawke," Anders practically sighed. "Why does it have to be one or the other?" he asked pointedly. "Why can't you trust her enough to just give her what she wants?"

"Children?" Hawke asked, almost in terror.

"You!" Anders said, slapping Hawke's shoulder. "She loves you! Not for children, or marriage, or money, or anything else that you might give her, you idiotic man!" Anders threw his hands up in the air. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that you love her?!"

Hawke stopped, and simply stared at the other man. "I… I love her?" he asked. He looked at Anders strangely, and repeated himself as a statement. "I… love her."

It was as if he finally began listening, and his entire being was answering him, reaffirming what he was saying. "I love Cat," he said again, the wonder on his face stopping Anders from shouting at him for being a stubborn fool. He looked at Anders again, looking into his eyes as a smile crossed his face. "I really love her," he said.

Anders could hardly believe it was so simple, yet somehow, just saying the words aloud had finally had Hawke realizing the answer he had been searching for.

"Of course you do," he replied, a grin on his own face. "And she loves you!"

"She really does," Hawke agreed, the wonder still evident in his voice. "Even though I've been a stubborn, pig-headed idiot."

"Please tell me you are going to her now," Anders said hopefully.

"I have to," Hawke said. "I'm sorry Anders, but I have to go and tell her!"

"Then go on already!" Anders cheered, even as Hawke ran off, albeit slightly tipsy. He watched until Hawke moved around a corner, and he gave a huge sigh. "Who knew?" he murmured to himself. "Apparently we just needed to get him drunk in order to open his eyes."

Hawke ran through Hightown, not caring who saw him, and ignoring any that tried to stop him or speak to him. He was a man on a mission, and until he completed that mission, he would stop for no man.

Coming to the mansion, he gave a knock, and after a few minutes of that, tried the door. He stepped inside, noting the darkness, and wondered if he had somehow missed her on the way to the Hanged Man.

No, that couldn't be right, we'd have crossed paths, he thought. He turned to leave when he caught a noise. Turning back he listened carefully, hearing voices. He moved towards the stairs, thinking that they were in Fenris or Cat's room, catching up with each other after so long apart, and lost track of time.

As he came to the top of the stairs, and was going to call out again, he heard a loud moan, one that was obviously from pleasure, not from pain. He froze, no longer wanting to call out, as he had some idea of what he was interrupting.

The voices he caught were low, and husky sounding, and he quietly turned to leave before he was found out. He heard another moan, and a female voice in the deep throes of passion exclaimed, "Oh, Zevran!"

He froze, and realizing who he must be hearing, he quickly made his escape, even as his heart sank. He held his hand to his chest, as if he could stop his heart from breaking if he could just hold on to it.

Though he had not gotten any sleep, Hawke had come to a decision. He was being honest when he said that he wanted Cat to be happy, and if he was no longer who she wanted, then he would be satisfied with that.

Once the sun had risen, he went about his way, visiting the bathhouse, getting a shave and haircut. His hair had gotten quite long, and he was determined to turn a new leaf as of now. Now, he would focus all his attention on being a good Champion, and a good friend, and that was all.

He had to admit that his face felt strange, with his beard gone. He hardly recognized his own reflection in the mirror. But he felt it was a good reminder of the new man he was, even if he missed his beard already.

Returning home, he walked in, only to find Cat in the main room, speaking to his mother. He stopped, as his heart ached, and closing it off, he strode forward.

"Mother," he said as he moved into the room. "Cat."

"Oh, darling, I wondered…" Leandra started as she turned to greet him, and stopped short, her eyebrows raised in question.

"Uh, Hawke?" Cat asked in surprise. "You're… clean shaved…"

"Very astute," he replied, moving to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. "Last night several things became clear, and I realized that it was time for a change."

"I just…" she continued, uncertain what was happening. "You loved your beard," she said, glancing at Leandra, and back to Hawke.

"Things change," he said seriously, and Cat felt certain he was no longer speaking of his facial hair.

"But so drastically?" Leandra questioned.

"Sometimes, you need a clean break," Hawke replied airily as he made his way to his desk, looking to see if there were any new letters. Without look back, he asked, "Did you need to speak with me?"

Cat, still feeling uncertain, and somehow put in her place, stepped forward once. "Yes, actually. One of the mages Meredith asked you to look for was taken care of by Fenris and Zevran last night," she said, seeing Hawke stiffen.

"Great."

Cat couldn't help but be confused, who was this man? He certainly wasn't acting like my Garrett.

"Uh… okay then, I just wanted to make sure you knew. "Fenris took his body to the templars," she added.

"Uh-huh," he answered, still with his back to her.

"Um, I guess I'll get back then," she said. "Did you want us today at some point?"

"I'll send word if I do," he answered. She waited for him to turn around, and when he didn't, and said nothing further, she murmured farewell to Leandra, and left.

Walking home slowly, she tried to put the pieces together, but couldn't seem to make them fit. The strangest part was that Leandra had seemed shocked as well, so this was obviously a new development to her as well.

What had changed since yesterday, to cause such a difference? she wondered, feeling concerned. And why wouldn't he even look at me?

Cat walked in, and moved back to the kitchen, walking in and seeing her roommate, as well as their two guests seated. The three of them were talking and laughing with each other with ease, and it raised her spirits slightly to see it.

"Cat, where have you been?" Nyssa asked, as she caught sight of her friend.

"I'm sorry, I went to let Hawke know about what happened last night."

"You did?!" Nyssa squeaked, looking scandalized.

"Uh, yeah," Cat said, looking at her in confusion. "I wanted him to know what happened with Huon, so he wouldn't be looking for you to question."

"Oh," Nyssa sighed heavily. "Of course," she said, her face flushing red.

"Why?" Cat asked with a grin. "Did you want to talk about what you and Zev did instead?"

Fenris and Zevran both chuckled, as Nyssa's face turned scarlet. "N- no!" she answered.

"Are you sure?" Cat teased. "Fenris and I are pretty sure we already know…"

"Cat!" Nyssa squealed, not enjoying the torment.

"Alright, alright," Cat said, letting it go. She was certain she'd get details another time.

"Did Hawke say anything about where and when we are meeting?" Fenris asked.

"No, he said he would send word, if and when."

"Hmm, that's odd," Fenris added. "I thought he would be more eager to complete this one."

"That wasn't the only thing that was odd," Cat said with a frown, sitting at the table.

"My dove?" Zevran asked, sitting down as well, though he was next to Nyssa, and took to rubbing her thigh under the table.

"He just acted so strangely," Cat replied. "He walked in, as if nothing was amiss, and yet he was clean shaven-"

"What?" Fenris interrupted.

"I know, right?" Cat replied. "His face looks almost strange, he's had a beard almost as long as I've known him!" She shook her head, still surprised. "Then he hardly looks at me, acting like he just wants me gone, and when I tell him about what you guys did, he just said, great. As if he was upset or something! I just don't understand."

"That is very strange," Zevran said.

"It doesn't sound like Hawke at all," Fenris added. "I wonder if something happened at the Hanged Man last night."

"Perhaps we should go see if there is something we can do to assist him," Zevran suggested.

"Hawke keeps things pretty close to the chest, I doubt he will tell us what is really going on," Fenris replied.

"All the more reason," Zevran said, giving Fenris a look that made him raise an eyebrow.

"I see…" Fenris answered. "Well then, perhaps you are right."

"What?" Cat asked, looking back and forth between them. "You're going to go talk to him? Didn't I just say he didn't want me there?"

"Forgive me, my dove, but I am thinking perhaps this is something that he cannot share with you. Something that had made him ashamed, or angry? Either way, we will not stop until we discover how to help him."

Cat looked at Zevran, scrutinizing his face, but unable to tell if he was telling the whole truth or not. "I guess…" she said, as the two males stood.

"We will return as soon as we are able," Zevran said to Nyssa, grabbing her hand for a kiss, and then leaving the kitchen even as she sighed as she watched him depart. Fenris shared a knowing look with Cat as he followed after him.

"So…" Cat drawled as she turned to Nyssa, putting her chin in her hand, with her elbow propped on the table. "I want to know everything."

"You obviously have something in mind," Fenris said as he walked out the door with Zevran.

"I do," Zevran agreed.

"I may be of more use if I am aware ahead of time," Fenris said in speculation.

"I believe it is time that I had a talk with our illustrious Champion," Zevran answered. "My little dove is in love with him, yes?" he asked, and Fenris nodded.

"It would seem that is the case," he replied stoically.

"And yet, I find that he strings her along, refusing to either take her, or let her down. I find this behavior very odd, my friend."

"True, I can see how you would."

"And now, my dove comes home from seeing her love, with talk of unexpected changes in behavior and how he wants her away from him?" Zevran said in astonishment. "This must be dealt with."

"Hawke is… complicated," Fenris replied, not wanting to overshare, but yet wanting Zevran to understand.

"Complicated?" Zevran replied with a laugh. "And yet, this is all so simple. Does he love her?" he asked, but continued before Fenris could reply. "If so, he is not showing it. Does he not want her? Again, he is not letting her know, so that she may heal and move on."

"At least he does not simply use her feelings to have her," Fenris pointed out.

"True," Zevran conceded, "but even that I would at least understand. This… the Champion needs to be sat down and given a choice," he said with narrowed eyes that Fenris could have sworn were glittering in anticipation. "And I am the one to do it."