A/N: Thank you everyone for your comments! I really appreciate it, and I LOVE hearing questions or theories about what's coming! I know I don't tell you every time, but really, thank you!
The crew returned to Kirkwall in the late evening, trudging towards Hightown with their friends individually peeling off as they passed the paths towards their own homes. Cat called goodnight to each of them, with Hawke giving a reminder that they would meet the following midday at the Hanged Man.
Cat gave Zev a smirk and a wave as he walked off with Merrill towards the alienage. "Say hello to Nyssa for us!" she called after him, and he returned her comment with a smile and a wink.
Once they reached Hightown, Cat stayed quiet as the talkative ones of the crew had left, and only Fenris, Aveline and Sebastian remained with her and Hawke. They walked past the Rose, the small market area of Hightown empty at the late hour. As they approached the stairs to the Keep, Aveline clapped Hawke's shoulder and gave a farewell, turning to head to the barracks.
The others gave wishes for a good night, and the small group continued on, but hadn't gotten far when Fenris cleared his throat.
"I can stay at your house tonight, if you'd prefer, Hawke," he suggested.
Hawke turned to look at him, and looked down at Cat with a smile. "That's up to you, my friend. Though I was going to come back and change after seeing Cat home." His face wrinkled in disgust as he looked down at himself. "I hate to think of how long it will take to clean my armor."
"There is no need to walk back and forth," Cat told him with a scowl. "You have clothes at our house, or we can simply stay at yours."
"I admit that was my ultimate goal," Hawke said with a smirk. "But thought you may want to change clothes. And I thought I could heat a bath for Fenris."
Cat turned, seeing the look of surprise and happiness in Fenris' eyes. "That sounds like a great idea," she replied, continuing forward, the other three falling in with her.
"I must admit the idea of not having to wait for the bath sounds fantastic," Fenris said with a small smile.
"Especially because waiting for Cat to finish means hours of waiting," Hawke replied dryly.
"Hey, I offer every time to let him go first," Cat defended. "It's not my fault he's so chivalrous. And if I try to hurry, he tells me to take my time!"
They chuckled even as they moved into the Chantry courtyard, and gave their goodbyes to Sebastian.
As they reached their home, and Fenris opened the door, Hawke went first, lighting a lamp here and there to give light. They stopped in the kitchen, each grabbing buckets of water to take upstairs with them. They poured them into the bathtub, and Hawke moved to heat the water while Cat went to grab her things.
"Thank you," Fenris told Hawke as steam rose from the water.
"I've been curious," Hawke said, and Fenris looked at him in question. "If you've decided anything about meeting your sister or not? We've been through so much since then, and it was never mentioned again, and I wondered if you decided against it?"
"Truthfully," Fenris replied, looking away, "she has been on my mind as well. I had thought that Danarius would use her as a trap, and hoped the time would discourage him, and he would try something else. But since nothing has happened, I feel I must do something. I do not like thinking that he could turn up at any time to try to collect me."
"Agreed," Hawke nodded. "Would you prefer to try to find him directly?"
Fenris frowned. "That is something to think about," he replied. "I am uncertain."
"Give it some thought," Hawke suggested, clapping him on the shoulder. "You sure you want to stay here alone?" he asked.
Fenris smirked at him. "I will be fine."
"We'll see you tomorrow then," he said with a grin. "I can tell you're not sleeping well, so try to rest tonight, all right?"
Fenris frowned at his friend, pleased that he had friends so close, yet not happy to learn that they could see when he was tired. "Very well," he groused.
Hawke left the room, meeting Cat in the hallway, and turning with her towards the stairs.
"Fen all set up?" she asked. "What's so funny?"
"He didn't appreciate me telling him to get more sleep," he replied with a smirk to her.
"Hmm, yeah that would bother him," she mused. "He doesn't like what he would see as a weakness being pointed out."
"He'll get over it," Hawke replied. "Because that's what friends do."
"Point out each others' weaknesses?" she asked skeptically.
"Something like that," he answered as he opened the door for her, and followed her out into the street. He moved forward and put his arm around her as they walked. "Speaking of, I've noticed a few of yours as well," he told her.
"Excuse me?" she asked haughtily. "Do you want to go home alone?"
"Not at all," he replied. "I just thought I should warn you, since I plan to exploit them all."
"Oh really?" she asked with a laugh realizing that he was being playful. "And just what are these supposed weaknesses?"
"To start?" he asked. "I've heard of a rather crippling weakness for scalding hot baths," he said.
"You may be right," she replied. "But that is hardly a problem."
"True, but what if you were attacked while in the bath? You wouldn't be able to protect yourself."
"I'll chance it," she replied, shaking her head at his nonsense. "It seems a reasonable weakness."
"And what of your weakness for devastatingly handsome mages?" he asked as he nuzzled her ear.
"That one may be a problem," she agreed. "But perhaps with more practice against such things, I'll be able to resist."
"I'll do all I can to help," he said with a roguish grin. "It's the least I can do, since you're part of my crew."
"Perhaps I merely need to avoid such mages," she suggested.
"No, that won't help to get over the weakness," he countered. "You should be around such a man as much as possible in order to develop a tolerance."
"Wherever will I find such a man?" she wondered, and squeaked as he switched his kisses for a nip at her neck.
"That's not very nice," he commented. "I'll have to stop what I'm doing in order to prove you wrong… later."
She smiled, enjoying their banter, even as they walked into his home. He took her upstairs, removing and giving his armor over to a servant be cleaned. He returned to collect her from his room, noting that she was wearing his lounging robe.
He wasn't sure why seeing her in his things had his blood heating, but he tamped down his desire for the moment.
"Well my lady? I've decided to indulge your weakness, and have a bath waiting," he told her, and she smiled.
"I don't know…" she replied. "You've put thoughts of being attacked while in the bath in my head." She stepped forward to him, smiling up at him. "I may need some protection."
"I suppose I'd better stay with you then," he said, leaning down to kiss her. "I can at least heat the water for you."
"Are you trying to seduce me?" she asked softly. "You must know what the idea of a hot bath does to me."
Hawke didn't answer, just led her down the hall. Seducing with a hot bath was only the first step to his plans that evening.
He took his robe from her, turning to hang it up and seeing that they had towels placed out for them already. He turned back, seeing that she was already laying back in the bath, with her eyes closed.
"Sorry sweetheart, but I'm not chivalrous like Fenris," he told her, and she peeked open an eye to look at him in question. "I won't wait for you to finish, you'll simply have to share."
She gave a mock sigh, and shrugged. "I suppose I can share… this time."
"So kind of you," he said drolly, grinning as he started removing his leathers, noticing that she was watching him sneakily under lowered lashes.
"See something of interest Darling?" he asked.
"I'm not certain," she answered flippantly. "I may need a closer inspection to be sure."
He chuckled, and lingered over his striptease, enjoying the heat that grew in her eyes. He walked over to a bucket of water, and grabbing the cloth proceeded to clean himself as she had done while waiting for him in his room.
Can't get to step two if we're in dirty bathwater, he thought. When finished, he went to her, lifting her to a sitting position and stepping into the tub behind her. He sat with his legs on either side of her, and pulled her back so she was reclining on his chest.
"Is this close enough?" he said softly in her ear.
"It's not bad," she murmured.
His hands went to the side, and he used his mana to produce heat, careful to not touch either of them. He heard her hum in pleasure as the water became hot again.
"Better be careful, I could get used to this," she warned him.
"Feel free to invite me into your bath anytime," he replied, even as he scooted them forward to sink into the water further.
"Consider yourself with a standing invitation," she said, even as she moved to sit up.
"And just where do you think you are going?" he asked. She turned her head around, looking at the smug look he wore.
"Just looking for the soap, Darling," she replied. She found what she was looking for on a small table next to the bath, and grabbing it, turned to face him, though it took some careful maneuvering. She ended up pushing his legs together, and kneeling with hers on either side.
She scooted forward, looking at him in question. "Need some help?" she offered, holding out the soap.
He simply looked at her, so she dipped it below the water, and rubbed it in between her hands to create suds. She placed the soap back on the table and reached out for him, running her hands over his chest in small circles.
"Lay back now," she murmured. "And relax. I'll take care of you."
He gave her a smirk, but did as she asked. He placed his arms on the sides of the tub, with his head tilted back, his neck resting on the lip. She smiled as she continued to wash him, avoiding anything that may get him riled up. She was going to make this last.
Cat woke alone, but she wasn't surprised. Hawke had been spending every evening with her for the past few days - not that she was complaining. But that meant he was behind on his own work. Add the fact that they would be out with the crew from midday until who knew when meant that the morning was the only time Hawke had to complete everything else.
She got up and got dressed, deciding to go home and ensure that Fenris ate something. She thought that Zevran would probably show up for food as well, and figured that she should stop at the marketplace first.
Heading down the stairs, she didn't hear anything but the sounds of a quill moving on paper, and headed towards the desk that Hawke was sitting at.
He looked up as she came near, putting down his pen and opening his arms for her to sit with him. She moved into him without thinking twice, sitting across his lap as he squeezed her.
"You could have slept longer," he murmured.
"If I don't make Fen eat, he won't," she replied. "And Zev would probably find his way here to beg breakfast."
He grunted in reply, and she could easily tell that while he wanted her to stay, he didn't want Zevran to show up.
"I'll see you later at the Hanged Man," she replied, kissing his cheek, then giving it a rub. "Your beard is coming back," she said with a smile.
"Not fast enough," he replied. "And it itches."
She swatted his hand away as he reached up to scratch his neck, and she made him groan in happiness as she did it for him gently with both hands.
"It reminds me of how you looked when I first met you," she said softly as she continued to rub his face and neck. "Though with how Issy was talking about getting you into bed, I decided you were off limits."
"She had a few interesting offers, that's for sure," he answered with a twinkle in his eyes. "But I had my eye on someone else."
"I'm sorry it took so long," she replied, looking up meet his eyes.
"I'm not," he shot back, then shook his head. "I mean, I am of course, but I'm glad we didn't just have something that meant nothing back then."
She smiled radiantly, and he realized how much he meant his words. This, what they had now, was worth so much more.
"I should go, or you'll never get your work done," she said, leaning in to kiss him. He lingered over it, until she had to squirm away. "Now now, we know where that leads…" she admonished him.
"And that's a bad thing?" he asked with a smirk.
"I'm not letting you talk me back into bed," she said, moving away quickly before he could do just that.
He huffed at her, and she smiled in return. "Love you," she said happily, and moved to the door, giving a small wave as she left.
Hawke turned back to his paperwork, no longer interested in it, but knowing he didn't want to have to come home to it later, he rolled up his sleeves and tried to focus on the papers in front of him, instead of the lingering smell and feel of his woman.
"I smell something delicious," Zevran announced as he walked into the kitchen.
"It must be breakfast," Cat replied, beaming at him. "I had a feeling that you would show up for food."
"It must be because we are so connected to each other, cara mia" he answered, moving over to hug her and kiss her cheek.
She gave him a stern look. "No endearments, even in Antivan," she said as she moved away from him.
"But you deserve all the pretty words," he argued.
"Then teach them to Hawke," she replied as she turned away to get him a drink. "Now sit down, and have some breakfast."
"And you?" he turned to ask Fenris. "Do you also object to the language of my home?"
Fenris gave him a dry look.
"That means, "does it look like I care?"" Cat interpreted.
"Ah, than that means I will ply you with all the beautiful words, caro mio," Zevran said with saucy grin, that had Cat smiling as Fenris rolled his eyes.
"And how is our Champion?" Zevran asked, turning back to Cat as she sat down next to him. "Still a satisfying lover?"
Cat almost spit out her drink at his words, but she was able to keep it in her mouth. She turned to glare at him. "Inappropriate Zev," she admonished.
"I am merely looking out for you, my dove," he replied smoothly. "Since you will not have me, I must ensure that your lover is up to the standards I have set."
She gave a snort, going back to her drink. "I have absolutely no complaints, and that's all that you get."
He pouted to her. "You say I am one of your best friends," he pointed out. "Does that not mean we should swap sexy stories?"
Cat looked over to Fenris, seeing that he was smirking at her discomfort. "He has a point," he said, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Oh really?" she asked. "And since you're another best friend, were you wanting to hear about what Hawke and I were doing last night?" she asked, calling his bluff.
"Forget I said anything," he replied and she smiled in triumph.
"You know, swapping stories is how people improve their skills," Zevran tried again. "If you want to please your lover…"
"A change of subject, Fenris!" she called out, trying to talk over Zevran. "Anything else, I'm begging you!"
The corner of his lips twitched upwards, telling Cat that he was amused, but he did take pity on her.
"I'm facing a decision," Fenris said, quietly, and Zevran and Cat turned to him in surprise.
"About what?" she asked.
"About Danarius, and my sister," he replied seriously. "I was hoping you would share what you know with me, so that I can make the best decision possible."
She turned to glance at Zevran, who was doing the same with her, then looked back to Fenris. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."
He seemed hesitant, but finally asked, "Will you tell about how it went in the story?"
She nodded. "In the story, you spent time finding where she was, and it also took time to convince her of who you were." He nodded, as he had done those before they had gone to the wyvern hunt. "Finally, she agreed to come here to meet you, and you sent her money to do so."
"And she came?" he asked, surprised, and Cat nodded.
"She did," she replied, looking concerned.
He was able to read her well. "But not alone," he said, guessing.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, no. Danarius contacted her, offering to make her his apprentice if she led him to you."
"She is a mage?!" Fenris paled.
Cat glanced over to Zevran again, worried. "Did… did she not tell you that?" she asked.
"No," he spat. "No she did not. Even after several letters."
"Um…" she started, but couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't set him off.
"This is a bad thing?" Zevran asked.
Fenris' eyes flashed, and he erupted out of the chair breathing rapidly. He glared but didn't speak, trying to calm himself. "Not… necessarily," he finally said through gritted teeth. "But being willing to not only help Danarius, but to emulate him?!"
"That's the bad part," Cat added to Zevran. "Danarius was Fenris' former master, when he was a slave," she said quietly and without emotion to try to keep him calm. "He's probably the worst example of a mage and a human being… ever."
"So he needs killing then," Zevran surmised. He turned to Fenris. "Do you want help?" he asked easily.
Fenris' mouth gaped open in surprise, and he sat down as his knees buckled. He continued to stare uneasily at the assassin.
Cat decided to help by moving the conversation forward. "In the story, you meet her at the Hanged Man, and when you go, she is actually surprised that it is really you."
They looked at her in confusion. "Why would she be?" Zevran asked. "Did you not say that they were communicating by letter?"
"It wasn't clear, but I always assumed that Danarius got to her early, and basically took over the communication. She was only told what he wanted her to know, so she was still skeptical? Besides she hadn't seen you since before the ritual that gave you your tattoos."
That had Fenris narrowing his eyes. "Why not?" he asked.
She stopped, looking between the two of them. "It involves your past," she cautioned. "She explained what happened in the story, which is how I know what I do."
"Tell me, please," he asked, desperate for something that he couldn't quite explain.
"Okay," she said, gathering her thoughts. "Danarius was determined to grow in power, because that is what created status among the magisters in Tevinter," she explained. "He and whoever else came up with a plan to create a slave that would carry lyrium in their skin. Not only as a way to have lyrium with him to help power his spells, but also because of the possibilities of what such a warrior could do."
Fenris grunted in disgust, but Zevran turned to her. "The man didn't know what would happen?" he asked.
"I'm sure they had experimented on a smaller scale, like with a hand or something," she said dismissively. "That was how they knew how painful it was, and that in order to place these tattoos over the body, they would need someone extremely strong, and able to withstand it."
Zevran nodded, but was also sporting a look of distaste.
"He offered a contest of strength and skill, that anyone could compete in. The prize was a boon. Anything the winner wanted." She nodded, at the look of shock that Fenris gave her.
"I never wanted these!" Fenris said, his eyes blown wide.
"No, especially with what he made you do," she answered. "But you wanted the boon. You wanted to free your family from being slaves, and you saw this as a way to do it. I imagine that you felt you would free yourself later, but for your mother and sister, this was the best way."
"So he won then," Zevran said. "And freed his family."
"Yes," Cat said. "And the lyrium and pain of the ritual completely wiped his memory. His mother and sister were set free, but Danarius was a bastard even then. He used the fact that Fenris couldn't remember them, and put them out of the household with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and told them they were free."
She looked at Fenris, seeing the anger on his features, his hands in fists on the table. "I'm sorry…" she said.
"Just. Finish it," he said, closing his eyes against the pain.
"I don't know for certain what happened to your mother, but Varania said that their lives were hard. No one would hire them, not when they could just buy slaves. I assume her magic is what finally got them a job, but I don't know that for certain. All she said was that freedom was no boon for them. She looked at you, and said that you had the better end of the bargain."
He gave a sound of disagreement, but didn't speak.
"I agree," Zevran said, and they both looked to him. "You are strong, and you are free of your own skill, creating a life that you want. Your sister was and is still dependent on others, her choices limited."
Cat could tell that while his features didn't change, Fenris was internalizing those words, and she was extremely glad that Zevran was there with them.
"After that, Hawke helped you kill Danarius," she said, not even giving voice to any other option, as in her mind, there wasn't one. "And left it up to you whether or not to kill Varania."
"Wait, what?" Fenris asked, his head coming up. "I killed her?!"
"To be fair," Cat replied, "you were very hostile towards anything magic. And she lied, and brought Danarius to reclaim you. No one blamed you if you made that decision."
He nodded, but was deep in thought. "I can understand how I could feel that way, especially if I was blindsided by all this," he said. "But now I have time to process it." He looked up to them, and nodded his head.
"Even if you want nothing to do with the woman, it sounds as if you have a way to spring a trap on your former tormentor," Zevran pointed out. "You helped me kill those that I needed to, and so I will help you. Of course I would be happy to simply assassinate him, but I feel you will want that pleasure for yourself."
"I must admit, nothing would please me more," Fenris said with a dark look.
"Well caro mio, it seems that I must educate you along with my dove on the nuances of getting pleasure," he replied with a seductive smile. "I believe I can change your mind."
Fenris rose an eyebrow at the smaller elf, wondering if he ever tired of flirting, then looked to Cat who smiled and gave him a shrug, understanding his look.
"No, but you get used to it," she said to him as she put her arm around Zevran. "And eventually you realize that you like Zev just the way he is."
Hawke left early, wanting to speak to Varric. He hoped the dwarf had found more information about the carta dwarves that were setting ambushes for him. They were tedious at first, and not worth mentioning to the others, but they had stepped up their game, and Hawke was growing concerned.
He still had no idea what they even wanted, they would just attack him out of nowhere. At first he assumed it was because he was Champion, but then Varric had determined that they weren't working in the city, which was more confusing.
The attacks weren't even happening that regularly, and had stopped completely over the last week. While most would be happy about that, it only made Hawke wonder who else they had found to attack, and if they were connected to him. Since none of the crew mentioned anything, Hawke started worrying about his family.
He warned his mother, Bodahn, even Orana and the other servants, hoping that they would see the danger and be able to avoid it. But none of them had even seen the carta dwarves. Making a spur of the moment decision, he walked past the Hanged Man, and continued on into Lowtown, towards his uncle's hovel.
While he sometimes missed living near Varric and the easier politics of Lowtown, he did not miss living with his uncle Gamlen one bit. He strode up to the door and knocked loudly, knowing it was unlikely that his uncle was even awake. Since they came into money, his mother had been giving Gamlen a stipend each month. He had surprised Hawke by actually using it to feed himself, though he was certain the man still gambled and drank most of it away.
The door opened, and Gamlen stared out with red rimmed eyes. He gave Hawke a sneer, though there was no malice behind it. "My esteemed nephew," he said sarcastically. "What are you doing here?"
"Just need a minute uncle," Hawke said as he strode forward, pushing past the man into the house.
"What is it?" Gamlen asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Just wanted to let you know of some trouble," Hawke replied, looking over the room, memories swamping him. He explained quickly as he continued to roam.
"And what?" Gamlen demanded. "It's not my fault there are carta after you," he said.
"No, that's not what I'm saying," Hawke sighed. "I'm saying they may turn to family since they can't beat me directly."
"I suppose you've made something of yourself, though I doubted it, the first time I saw you."
Hawke rolled his eyes, and looked down, his eyes catching on a piece of paper.
Gamlen,
I found the gem of Keroshek. If you want it, come to Darktown. Alone.
Hawke looked up, eyes wide with surprise. "What's the gem of Keroshek?" he asked.
"It's…" Gamlen looked at him, his own eyes wide, before they narrowed into a glare. "It's none of your business, that's what it is!"
"None of my business?" Hawke asked smugly. "Just like Grandfather's will?"
"Bah! Don't be stupid. I lost everything chasing that gem. Our fortune, our home… even Mara."
"So that's what really happened," Hawke said in understanding. "Who's Mara?"
"She's…" Gamlen stopped then, growing angry. "Why don't you go back to your fancy house in Hightown, and stay out of my damn business!" He turned and moved into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Hawke, looking speculatively at the closed door, turned and grabbed the note from the table. If his uncle wasn't going to look into it, then he would. For all his luck, this would be somehow connected to the attacks.
He walked out the door, and went back to the Hanged Man, his mind racing with possibilities.
Zevran closed the door behind Cat, who looked both worried and ecstatic to be leaving the two of them behind, and he couldn't blame her. He was certain Fenris would have put up much more of a fight if he wasn't so preoccupied with his thoughts.
As for Hawke… if he was there and saw Cat coming in alone, then that would be unfortunate for her, but he was sure she could handle it.
Personally, he was loving the time he had with her, yet he was already feeling like he should be moving on. Staying in place like this made him… itchy.
But before that… he thought, turning back to the angry and striking male before him. Normally he would leave well enough alone. He didn't want anyone prying into his private life, and he didn't really like doing it to others, though he acted to the contrary. But, not only had Nyssa expressed concerns about Fenris, but Zevran could see the path he was heading down, for it was one he had walked.
"She'll be fine," he said as he walked back into the room, taking a chair across from the warrior, though not too close. "Though I am certain Hawke will have some choice words for her."
"Knowing her, she'll probably think of that, and grab Sebastian on the way," Fenris replied. "Though it would have just been easier for you to go with her."
"But then we wouldn't have this chance to talk," Zevran said, his lips curving.
"I have nothing to say," Fenris said in exasperation. "I just want to be left alone."
"Interesting, that you let my dove pull you into her life, yet you do not allow her into yours," Zevran commented.
"What?" Fenris said, with a confused glare. "Cat knows everything," he pointed out. "Even more than I do, as you well know."
"Yes, that is true," Zevran replied, keeping his voice light, as if he were musing over his words. "However facts are one thing. The way you feel about them, is an entirely different matter."
"What does that matter?" Fenris said with a frown. "You of all people know- she already knows how I feel, what I will do about it, all of it!"
"Yes, I know," Zevran agreed, staring back to meet Fenris' eyes in all seriousness. "I know what it is like to live a life that you cannot accept, yet what choice do you have? A life that is thrust upon you, not chosen. And the things that you do… the choices you make seem to eat at you, until you no longer recognize the man you have become. Seeing a monster in his place."
"..." Fenris opened his mouth to speak, yet nothing came out.
"And then by some miracle, you meet others that not only see the monster inside, but somehow want you to stay with them anyway. You think to yourself that you do not deserve such things, yet you cannot stop from wanting them."
"How… do you know that?" Fenris asked quietly.
"I may not have been a slave as you were," Zevran answered. "But I was sold to the Crows while still very young. I was raised by whores and taught from early on, that it was kill, or be killed. If I wanted a life at all, I had to follow orders, and be vicious to my master's enemies. There was no other choice, no other life for a monster like me."
"You do not live like you feel that way," Fenris said.
"It will sneak up on me sometimes," Zevran admitted, as he stood to pace. "But no, generally I do not. I was given something that I will always consider a personal miracle. A woman who looked at me from the very beginning. Me. Not the monster, not what I was created to be. But me."
He stopped to look back at Fenris' face. "She looked at me, and accepted. I thought that she was crazy. And then, Duran did the same." He could see Fenris' expression, and he explained further. "The warden commander, the Hero of Ferelden. And then Alistair, Leliana, and the others. I was one of them, I was family, if I wanted it. But it didn't happen, until I accepted it for myself.
"I imagine it has been very similar for you. Acceptance, family, even love. It is all there if you want it. But you have to accept it, or it will not change your life."
"You say you understand, but how can you?!" Fenris exploded. "Yes, you were an assassin for the Crows, but it isn't as if you betrayed those that tried to help you!"
"I did exactly that, and more," Zevran said mildly. "Obviously, we cannot change who we are- fighters… killers even, because of our past. But we need not be defined by it. We can decide what to make of ourselves."
He smirked then. "I enjoy being an assassin, so I continue. But I am not part of the Crows, who kill only for money, no matter if the person may deserve it or not. I kill to make the world a better place for my family… for those I love."
"I will not speak for you, but I do not deserve love, or acceptance," Fenris said.
"No," Zevran agreed. "You and I, we may never deserve it, yet they are offered to us." He moved closer to Fenris, grabbing his shoulder to get him to look up. "I can live free because I cut the roots tying me to my past. And I think it will be the same for you."
He smiled a genuine smile now. "Deal with your past Fenris," he said. "Then you can live free."
Fenris knew his expression was showing how much he wanted what Zevran was suggesting, but part of him shot it down. How could he ever think he could be as the others? Not with what he had done, what he had been.
"You make me want things that I have no business wanting," he replied harshly. "I cannot agree with you."
"Oh?" Zevran asked. "What things do you think you cannot want?" He smirked then, leaning in. "Or should I say who?"
Zevran held his grip on Fenris' shoulder tightly, not letting the other man shake him off. "Nyssa is the one that asked me to speak with you," he said quietly. "She cares for you so, and worries that you would think so little of yourself."
"What?" Fenris asked, his eyes going wide. "No, that's… no."
"Why deny what I can see with my own eyes?" Zevran asked with a chuckle. His hand gentled, as it slowly moved in along Fenris' shoulder. He leaned closer, leaning his hip on the arm of the chair Fenris was sitting in. "What worries you?" he asked softly. "That you want someone? Or that you are wanted?"
"I… I am … not certain," Fenris replied, his eyes squeezing shut, his senses being assaulted, and feeling overwhelmed. "I just know it is wrong."
"Caro mio…" Zevran breathed out, as his hand moved up to Fenris' cheek. "I wish I could show you how Hakwe sees you, strong and dependable. How Catarina sees you… loved as family, one that has never disappointed her. How Nyssa sees you... kind, and so handsome it takes her breath away. How I see you…"
Fenris turned his head slowly, looking into Zevran's face. "How… do you see me?" he asked.
"I see all of those things, and more," Zevran answered, as he moved back, not wanting to seduce or push. "Whether you deserve everything or nothing at all Fenris…" he spoke as he moved away, finally giving him the space he had wanted. "…all you want is being offered to you. So take it."
Varric looked up as Hawke called out, seeing Cat and Sebastian come over to join them. He couldn't help but smile as Cat greeted Hawke with a kiss.
"Such public displays of affection," Isabela spoke up. "Kitty, I'm so proud of you."
Cat flushed slightly, but smiled at her friend. "I love him, and I'm not afraid to show it," she answered. Both she and Hawke looked a little embarrassed as Merrill clapped in delight, and several patrons joined in.
"Varric?" Cat asked, and he turned his attention to her. "Do you know the particulars about how to reach Fenris' sister?" she asked.
"Yes, though I'll have to find where I put the information," he answered with a frown. "It's been so long after all."
"Well he's decided to invite her here to meet," she replied, and the others looked to her in surprise. "Though we are all pretty sure that means Danarius will show."
"We'll be ready for him," Hawke said with a fierce grin. "He won't touch Fenris ever again."
"That's the idea," Cat agreed. "Fen just wants it over and done." She turned back to Varric. "Can you send the invite? The sooner the better," she asked.
"Absolutely, Little Dove" he replied.
"Thanks Varric," she said with a smile.
"Speaking of bastards from our pasts," Isabela said with a worried look, "I haven't heard anything about Castillon coming here yet, and that worries me."
"He's not one to try to sneak into Kirkwall, take you by surprise?" Varric asked.
"No, and that's why its worrying," she answered. "I should have heard something by now. My only thought is that he's trying to keep it quiet to prevent me from running." She sent Hawke an amused look. "He probably wouldn't believe that I'd stick. Even I have a hard time believing that."
Hawke grinned at her. "We've got a basic plan in place," he reminded her. "But if he doesn't show soon, then we'll do as Fenris did and send an invitation he can't refuse."
"Good," Isabela gave a nod. "I'll be much happier without that over my head."
They talked of inconsequential things as they ate their midday meal, waiting for the rest of their crew to join them. They had already finished and retired to Varric's room for talk of business by the time Zevran and Fenris arrived.
"Can I get you guys some food?" Cat asked as they walked in. She moved close, searching Fenris' face, still seeing the worry and anger, though it was nowhere near where it had been before.
"We are fine my dove," Zevran answered. "We grabbed some things and ate as we walked here."
"Drinks?" she asked.
"Ordered before we came up here," Fenris answered, giving her arm a squeeze. "Stop worrying, mother," he teased.
She grinned, and turned to Zevran, mouthing 'thank you' to him, and he gave a nod. They all moved to the table to sit and Hawke began their unofficial meeting.
"So, we don't have any actual jobs in the foreseeable future that I am aware of, but we'll share anything in the works, see if we can head a few things off? Sound good?" he asked, and they nodded.
"I suppose I'll start then. I stopped by my uncle's house today, to… check up on him. Make sure he's still alive and all that, you know."
Cat frowned, wondering why he would do that. Leandra had just told them yesterday of having lunch with Gamlen the day before. Maybe he went for another reason he doesn't want to share? she speculated.
"I found a note that spoke of a gem, and though Gamlen wasn't very forthcoming, I've learned that it was something he was searching for when he was younger. He was obsessed with it enough that he lost everything to find it- the family fortune and estate even.
"Well, someone found it, and left a note that if he wants it, he should come to Darktown alone. He made it clear that he won't go, and he doesn't want me poking my nose in either. But…" he smiled now. "I'm a teensy bit curious."
"What kind of gem was it?" Isabela asked.
"I'm not sure," Hawke replied.
"Sounds more like a debt collector trying to get to your uncle," Varric said.
"Well, that could be, but he was very upset when I asked about it," Hawke mused. "Maybe you're right. I got excited because I hadn't heard of it before, and it sounded fancy and important."
"How can it sound fancy if you don't know anything about it?" Isabela asked shrewdly. "Was it named?"
"Oh, yeah. Did I not mention?" Hawke asked. "The gem of Keroshek."
Varric and Isabela glanced at each other. "There may be something to this after all," she replied.
"For a gem to have a name, there is usually a reason," Varric explained. "And usually because it's big."
Hawke's face lit up. "So we should look into it?" he asked.
"I'm in," Isabela answered. "We're splitting it, right?"
"No promises on that," Hawke replied. "But if we actually find it, then we'll sell it and split the money."
"Seems fair," she replied, as she rubbed her palms together in anticipation. "When do we leave?"
Hawke chuckled as he shook his head. "Not so fast, I want to hear about anything else." He turned to his right, looking at Cat. "Darling? Anything you want to do in the coming week?"
"Not necessarily, but I did want to mention that we should be on the lookout for some better armor for everyone. With all the problems in the city, we're bound to have some sort of fight break out eventually. And with it involving mages or templars, we'll need to be prepared."
She could see others nodding along with her. "I don't think we need to go hunting for supplies just yet, but if and when you're talking to the merchants, we should try to find items that protect against magic, or can pierce armor. Runes and poisons probably wouldn't hurt either. And it can take time for merchants to locate such things."
"You should have just told me, Little Dove. With my contacts in the merchant's guild, I can have plenty of options here in no time," Varric suggested.
"Sorry Varric, but I'm not sure that's a good idea," Cat said in apology. "I'm thinking that we don't want to advertise what we're doing, especially as a group."
"I get it," Anders spoke up. "You want us to get small things from different vendors, so that no one person knows. That will limit talk in the city."
"Exactly," Cat replied with a smile. "Then if, or I should probably say when, we get into such a fight, we'll be underestimated." She frowned and continued. "I'm hoping it doesn't happen, but with how Meredith is escalating, I don't think that's likely."
"It's a good idea Cat," Merrill said. "We should look into dalish items too. Master Ilen crafts fabulous amulets, as well as belts with runes. They could definitely help."
"Good idea Merrill," Hawke said with a nod. He looked past Cat to Fenris. "Fenris? Anything to share?"
Fenris turned, and glanced at Cat. "Did you tell them already?" he asked quietly and she nodded. "Nothing new then. I will wait to hear back from my sister and let you know," he answered to Hawke.
"Fair enough," Hawke replied. He gave a questioning look to Zevran who merely shook his head with an amused expression for being included.
"Merrill?" Hawke asked. "How's your work on your mirror coming?"
Merrill's face dropped. "Not well Hawke," she replied. "I just can't seem to figure it out, and the demon has been silent as well."
Her nonchalant talk of demons had the others cringing slightly. "Well, I wrote to Duran about it," Cat spoke up.
"You did?" Hawke asked in surprise.
"Yes," Cat nodded. "I believe he has a friend that is quite the expert on such things. I thought he may have some insight."
"Thank you Cat!" Merrill said happily, her face radiating her joy. "This means so much to me!"
"You're welcome," Cat answered. "I don't know that he'll be able to help, or even want to," she warned.
"I understand," Merrill replied.
"Isabela?" Hawke asked, receiving a shake of her head in response.
"Sebastian?"
The prince looked up, guiltily, which had Hawke raising his eyebrows in surprise. "What is it?" Hawke asked.
"With all the unrest in the city…" he started, looking down at the table, "I have been pushing the Grand Cleric to do something about it."
"Really?" Cat asked, happily surprised. "That's amazing!"
"And will she?" Hawke asked, pleased with his friend.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't what I wanted," Sebastian said quietly. "But when I asked her again this morning… she told me that she had written… to the Divine."
There was silence as that news sunk in.
"The Divine," Anders breathed out shakily. "She knows about the turmoil here?"
"If not already, the letter will reach her soon. While Elthina is not one to incite fighting, she will have been honest in all that has transpired. I… honestly do not know what will come of it."
Hawke cleared his throat, causing the others to look to him. "I wouldn't worry," he said, and Sebastian looked at him in shock.
"But-" he started.
"Honestly," Hawke interrupted. "We have no way of knowing what the Divine will do, if anything. More than likely, they will look into the templars, perhaps send more to control the situation. I do not think we have cause to worry."
"That… seems reasonable," Sebastian mused. "I suppose I have just been thinking of worst case scenarios."
"Be sure to keep us updated, but for now, we'll just wait and see," Hawke said.
"I will," Sebastian replied.
"Good," Hawke answered. "And do not feel bad. I appreciate all efforts to calm the turmoil in our city." Sebastian nodded, feeling his burden lifted. "Varric?" Hawke asked. "Anything you want to share?"
"Unfortunately, yes," the dwarf answered. "I'm not sure what to make of it, but I've received reports from the people that I've been renting Bartrand's property to. Apparently there are strange happenings in that house, and they demanded their money back."
He grimaced at the memory. "I didn't care about that, but the stories going around now involved ghosts and spirits and what not. I won't be able to rent or sell it at this rate. I'd like some help in the form of a mage to ensure it isn't something horrific like a tear in the veil."
Hakwe nodded. "That shouldn't take too long to figure out," he said. He looked around the table. "Gem hunting today, ghost hunting tomorrow?" he suggested.