Hawke just watched the bustle of activity with a heavy heart.

He was happy- truly- that his mother had found someone that made her smile, someone to share the rest of her life with. He even liked the man well enough, and knew that his mother would be watched over, protected, and most importantly, cherished.

He could think of nothing he wanted more for her.

However, watching as servants packed up the items that had added character to their home and carry them out the door, had him pouting and trying not to show it.

He tried to remind himself that he had been the one pushing her to accept the proposal she received. She had been adamant about waiting until he was settled, and he had finally convinced her once he told her of his plans for his future with Cat.

Hawke was now well aware that his current mood came down to the fact that he was going to miss them all terribly.

It was not just Leandra, though that was the biggest source of his tangle of emotions. Orana had steadily grown on him- with her quick wit and calm demeanor.

Then there was Bodahn and Sandal, though he could admit that he hadn't understood the boy at first. However, Sandal was always so thrilled to spend time with Hafter, so he had a small part of Hawke's heart forever. And Bodahn was more than a manservant… more like a trusted friend. But, now they were leaving as well.

He would still have servants to help with the day to day, but none that he felt connected to. And until he built those relationships, he'd basically be alone. He had hoped Cat would be there, but had only gotten a non-answer about seeing how he felt after they spoke.

Uncertain what that meant, and assuming she was afraid, he offered both Fenris and then Anders to move in as well, but each had had several reasons why that wasn't feasible.

And so here he sat, pouting, yet giving reassurances and smiles whenever Leandra or Orana questioned him.

"Well, it is hard to believe, but I think that is everything," Leandra interrupted his thoughts as she followed the last few servants down the stairs. "Jacob may change his mind when he sees all this," she chuckled.

"Anything that doesn't work can come back," Hawke said, though he had said the same before.

"Nonsense dear," she admonished him. "A lady likes to have a say in how her home looks after all."

He gave her a look that said exactly how he felt about her obvious pokes at his love life. "I already told you that she didn't agree to move in," he reminded her.

"That you did," she agreed, giving him a sly smile. "But I have the utmost faith that you will change her mind in no time."

"I don't know, she's very stubborn," he replied glumly.

"That's true," she gave him a tweak on his nose, and smiled widely. "But so are you dear." She laughed as she continued through the room. "Perhaps you simply didn't ask the right question?"

Hawke rolled his eyes towards Orana as they approached her.

"She cannot help it Master Garrett," Orana declared, also smiling at him as she picked up a few bags. "One that is deliriously happy desires all to be the same."

Leandra turned her smile to her confidant. "I can't argue with that!" she agreed happily. She turned back to her son, and drew him into an embrace. "Are you certain you won't come with us?"

"And have to suffer being around two deliriously happy people?" he teasingly shuddered. "No thank you, Mother."

Leandra laughed again, as she gestured towards the door. Hawke followed her out, seeing that the packed parcels were situated into a cart, and the servants waiting for her signal.

Hawke felt a lump in his throat, and tried to swallow around it. She wasn't going to be all that far away, but the streets of Hightown were feeling as vast as the ocean to him now. She would no longer be just down the hall. He would no longer come home and hear her greeting him.

It was hitting him all at once, but he put on a good show of excitement for her, smiling widely and asking the men and women with them to take good care of her.

She hugged him again, whispering that she had better be seeing him often, or they would "have words" and he wouldn't enjoy it.

He felt as if it happened so suddenly, though it had taken most of the morning. He watched until they were out of sight, and then slowly walked back into his house, looking around at the empty rooms.

"Ah, messere, there you are."

Hawke didn't think he could do it again, but he made his lips tighten into a smile for Bodahn as he looked over to him.

"Are you ready then, Bodahn?" he asked.

"We are," the dwarf answered, looking around the quiet room that had been such a large part of his life for so long. "I cannot thank you enough, messere."

"It is I who should thank you," Hawke replied, his smile becoming easier. "I hardly deserved your loyalty, nor all you have done for us."

"You saved my Sandal, it was the least I could do," Bodahn disagreed, though he smiled. He and Hawke had been through this conversation on multiple occasions, and neither ever yielded.

"I do feel badly for leaving at the same time," Bodahn said sadly. "That was not my intention."

"Do not feel bad," Hawke replied, walking over and clasping the dwarf on the shoulder. "Mother simply could not wait to start decorating her new home, that's all."

Bodahn chuckled. "She is a lovely woman, and deserves nothing less," he said, leading Hawke outside yet again, though towards the back where his own wagon waited. He looked up to see Sandal sitting patiently on the seat.

He hefted himself up next to his boy, looking back at the man that had given them a home and a family for a time.

"Thank you messere," Bodahn said again, nodding towards him, as Hawke smiled and nodded back. "What do you say, Sandal?" he asked.

"Thank you," Sandal said with a happy smile. "Goodbye!"

"Safe travels, both of you," Hawke said, unable to keep the grin from his face at Sandal's enthusiasm.

Bodahn gave the reigns a flick, and the wagon moved off. Hawke watched them, chuckling as Sandal turned to wave at him. He lifted his hand and waved back for as long as they were in sight.

Then, finally, he lowered his arm, gave a sigh and went back inside.

Hafter greeted him, giving a soft whine as he followed Hawke from the kitchen into the parlor. He huffed at seeing Hawke filling a glass from the decanter on the table.

"Hey, it's midday now, so I can have a drink," Hawke grumbled to his dog. "And why I feel like I have to justify when I drink, to my dog, is ridiculous."

Hearing a thudding on the door had him moving over to answer it, since he sent all the servants to help his mother in her move, and then given them the rest of the day off.

He opened the door, leaning against the jamb as he saw Cat standing on his doorstep. He pouted at her, pointing to her. "This is your fault, you know," he said, then downed his glass.

"Your drinking?" she asked, amused.

"No," he rolled his eyes at her, the corner of his lips turning up despite himself. "The fact that I'm all alone in a huge house, and therefore feel the need to drink."

"Sounds like the same thing to me," she retorted, smiling at him as he scowled at her. "Besides, Hafter's here isn't he?" she asked.

"Dog trying to make me feel guilty for having a drink," Hawke grumbled, even as Cat laughed and moved closer to him.

"See?" she answered, kissing his cheek, then stepping back. "You're not alone."

He wanted to grab her and pull her closer, but he stopped himself. Instead he gave her a smirk and gestured her closer with a crook of his finger.

"Oh?" she asked. "Where anyone can see us?" she teased, and he straightened from where he was leaning, letting her into the foyer and closing the door behind her.

"Better?" he asked sullenly, setting the empty glass down on a small table.

Cat turned, seeing through his dour mood to the sadness underneath, and she then wanted nothing more than to see him smile.

She gave a sheepish shrug, stepping closer. "You'll probably still see her everyday," she added gently. "Though I know it isn't the same."

He sighed. "I am trying to not feel sorry for myself," he said unhappily. "As my mother and those in my household that I care for, leave," he paused, stepping closer and looking down into her eyes. "And somebody refuses to move in."

She tried to deflect his focus. "Yeah, I heard Anders decided to stay in Darktown," she replied, unable to keep his gaze.

"Cat…" he warned, not amused. "I know you said it wasn't a no, but that also means it is not a yes," he said, trying to understand what she needed. "You said we needed to talk. Well you're here, and so am I. So let's talk."

"Uh…" she had known deep down as she walked over that it would most likely end up like this, but that did not mean she was ready for this conversation. She kept picturing the worst case scenario.

"Well…" she said, licking her suddenly dry lips. "I… uh…."

"Maker's breath Cat," Hawke grunted, as he pushed himself off of the door and walked back towards the parlor. "Why are you acting like I'm going to hurt you or something?!" he demanded as he twirled back around.

"Because I have no idea how you're going to react?!" she shot back.

His gaze narrowed as he watched her throw her arms up and back down, ranting in mumbles about pushy men. He realized that she wanted to tell him something that he may not take well, before she would agree to live with him…

Which meant, something she has kept from me, he thought.

"All right," he replied, telling himself to give her space. If this was anything like the last time, she just needs to get it out… he thought, remembering long ago when she was telling him about all the reasons he shouldn't want her.

He settled in a chair, gesturing to another for her, and smiling as Hafter went to lay his head on her lap. "Take your time," he told her, feeling a bit better than he had just minutes before. "No matter what it is, I'll still want you here," he told her.

I hope that is true… she told herself. She looked down, stroking Hafter's head, and thought of how much both of them meant to her. The dog she adored and the man she loved with all her being. She wouldn't survive if he turned away from her.

She looked back up into his face, and silenced the part of her that wanted to tell him everything as the fear of losing him won the struggle.

He doesn't need to know everything… she reasoned. It would just hurt him, for no reason!

"There is something… that I've kept from almost everyone," she told him. "Because most won't believe me, or think I'm some kind of crazy person, or worse…"

She avoided looking at him, the guilt from caving to her fear keeping her from seeing the love or worry on his face. She just had to get it out… then she could see how he took it.

"Hello Fenris."

Fenris had rehearsed everything he wanted to say, yet as he stood in front of Nyssa in her doorway, he couldn't remember a single bit of it. So he just stared.

"Would you like to come in?" Nyssa asked, worried to see him looking so lost. She couldn't stop herself from being hopeful, yet deep down she knew he couldn't stay with her. Just as she knew that Zevran wouldn't. However, she still had no regrets.

She led him into the small room, wishing that her kitchen was a separate room so that she could have a few minutes to herself as she prepared tea. Since she didn't have that luxury, she merely waved to the table and chairs, and moved to her small counter.

"Drink?" she asked, not turning, telling herself that she would be fine, that she wouldn't cry until after he left.

"Uh, all right," she heard, nodding in response though she still didn't turn. "I am sorry that it took so long for me to come speak with you."

He watched her shrug, not able to read her body language as well as her face, but he could still see how stiff and jerky her movements were. He felt his stomach drop, knowing that she may very well strike him, or worse, once he was able to get the words out.

As any true warrior, he would run into battle with no hesitation, yet here he found himself reluctant to begin. So he waited in silence as she prepared the tea, trying to remember all that he had practiced not long before.

Then she turned, and joined him at the table, and he found himself at a loss for words yet again.

"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing him frowning into his cup. "Not hot enough?" she asked, and he looked up at her.

"No, it is fine," he replied. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said, though he still looked uneasy. She watched him for a few more minutes, until the silence was unbearable. "Just say it!" she burst out.

He looked up again, his eyes wide with surprise. Nyssa wasn't sure how to interpret the look. He almost looked… afraid. That can't be right… she thought.

"I.. I…" He started, then took a deep breath, steeling himself for the anger or misery that he was sure he would cause. "I appreciate you telling me about the… the, uh…"

"Baby?" she asked, not really understanding what was going on with him. He wasn't acting at all as she expected, and it was throwing her for a loop.

"Pregnancy," he agreed, not enjoying the feeling of being at a loss for words. "I.." he started again, then just let out a sigh as he felt himself falter again. "I practiced this several times," he muttered.

The quiet confession had her guts wrenching tighter, and her face reflected it. "I can handle whatever you have to say," she said dispassionately. "I don't need a rehearsed speech, just what is on your mind."

"Very well," he answered, swallowing thickly. "I… There… are things that I need… no that I must do." He was glaring down at the table now, so he didn't see the expressions that crossed her face.

"Your dream of helping to free others," she said, feeling the sorrow, even though she had known he would say this.

"Yes," he replied. "Though it is more than that, it is as if it is my mission in life… something that I feel so strongly, that I would regret it forever if I did nothing."

"I understand," she said softly. Knowing what she would hear, didn't make it easier. "You wouldn't be who you are if you didn't feel that way."

"And I cannot, in good conscience, take a pregnant woman into danger," he continued slowly, wondering why she was just sitting there. He had expected much more arguing, yet she hadn't even started yelling.

"So…" he said, pausing to inhale. Nyssa cringed, not wanting to hear anymore. She wondered how quickly she could get him out and gone.

He'll probably be thrilled to leave, he's just trying to persuade me that this is all for the best… she thought miserably.

"So until a time when we can be together, I would like you to stay with Cat."

Nyssa flew to her feet, grabbing her cup and turning to the counter as if to refill it. "Since you've said what you needed to, don't feel like you need to stay and convince me."

The silence was deafening, and her mind finally processed what he had said. She turned slowly, seeing him frowning up at her. "Wait, what?" she asked.

"If you want me to go, then I shall," he said dejectedly as he stood. He had expected no less.

"Wait," she said again, desperation causing her voice to go shrill. "What?"

"What?" he asked, not understanding.

"What did you say?" she asked again, slamming her hand down on the table as she came back.

"I said I will go," he answered tersely. Why was she dragging this out?!

"No, before that!"

He frowned again, not understanding what had gotten into her. Perhaps she was finally getting angry, though it didn't really seem that way. He decided to humor her, though he didn't really want to put his feelings out there again.

"I… want you to stay with Cat?" he asked, wondering if that much would suffice. Had she truly not heard me? he wondered.

"Did you say, until we can be together?" she asked, her eyes wide, the vulnerability in them making him feel as if he were drowning.

"Yes?"

Her eyes narrowed now, and he almost breathed a sigh of relief at seeing the familiar expression.

"Are you asking, or telling?" she demanded.

"T- telling," he stumbled over the words, feeling pretty vulnerable himself. "If… that is what you want, of course."

Is he… blushing? she wondered as she gaped at him. "If that is what I want?" she repeated in wonderment.

"I can make no promises," he said, wondering if this was a cruel joke, the way she was just staring at him. He stopped, as he suddenly found his arms full of Nyssa hugging him tightly.

"I don't want promises," she said, her voice slightly muffled as she was talking into his chest. He could feel the wetness on his tunic, and pulled her back to look at her, feeling a slight panic at seeing tears.

She could see the anxiety on his face, and she moved her hand up to his cheek to assure him that she was all right. "Honestly, I knew that you couldn't stay. Just as we both knew Zev couldn't stay. You two are more alike than you like to admit." She chuckled at the helpless look he wore.

"I want you to follow your dreams," she said, pulling his focus back to her face. "I only hoped that you would be a part of our lives when you could, which is all I asked of Zev."

"You did?" he asked, surprised. "What did he say?"

"Well, at the time, there was no baby to think of," she smiled, remembering her conversation with the other elf after one of their nights together. "I told him I wanted no promises but hoped that I would see him again."

She smiled as his hands came up to wipe her tears from her cheeks. "He said that he did not like promises, because he didn't want to make one that he could not keep." She paused as he nodded in understanding. "Then he said he would see us whenever he was near enough to do so."

"Why…" he was baffled truly. "Why did he not just tell me that?" Fenris asked in frustration. "Why break things off, and hurt us so if he planned to see us again?"

Nyssa shrugged. "Probably to make leaving easier," she guessed. "Or perhaps he changed his mind?"

Fenris shook his head. "No, as you said, he wouldn't make a promise he didn't intend to keep." He leaned forward, kissing her gently. "It is difficult, knowing I will need to leave. It would be nearly impossible for him, not knowing if and when he could return."

Nyssa nodded, not liking being the one that was being left behind but understanding all the same. "So… is Cat aware that you have this plan?" she asked.

"I spoke to her, yes," he smiled. "She seemed pretty excited about it actually."

"Did you tell her why?" she asked.

"I tried not to," he mumbled, feeling guilty. "I thought you would want to tell her, but she guessed…"

She smiled at his frown, appreciating his thoughtfulness.

"But, isn't she going to be living with Hawke soon?" she asked, smirking at him. "Does he know that I will be a part of the package?"

"Actually…" he exhaled loudly. "She isn't sure if that will happen," he admitted. "She decided it was time to tell him something that she thought may be hard for him to accept."

Nyssa frowned then. "I can't imagine what that would be," she said. "Do you know what it is?" she asked.

"Yes…" he admitted, looking uncomfortable.

"Don't worry, I won't ask," she said, smiling at his loyalty- one of the things she liked most about him. "Though I'll insist she tell me before I move in with her."

"I only meant that you stay with Cat when I am gone," he clarified. "Not that you must move in with her."

"Hey, don't take this away from me!" she teased. "I could be right there when he finally proposes!"

"Cat?"

"In here!" she called back, lifting her arm to wipe the sweat off her face. She took position again, and swung out at the dummy with her practice daggers, rolling under it and stabbing up at its back.

Hawke stopped in the doorway to enjoy the show, as Cat tended to train in clothes that she altered to keep herself cool. He remembered that his guest could also see her, so he cleared his throat loudly and announced, "I've brought you something!"

Cat continued through her routine, then stood, panting heavily as she faced the doorway. Her eyebrows rose as she saw Hawke, and Cullen.

Then her face broke into a grin, and she gave a whoop.

She raced over, grabbing the templar by the shoulders. Impressed that he was in normal, if somewhat fancy clothes, and admittedly impressed by the feel of his muscular shoulders- must come from using a sword and shield… she thought, determined not to share that thought with Hawke. She gave him a slight shake and a smile.

"Cullen! It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed, then focused on getting her breath back.

"I am happy to see you as well," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "When the Champion told me that you were alive, well…" he broke off. "And then he suggested a visit, and I… am so glad that I was wrong."

"Honestly, me too," she replied, getting choked up as well, though for a different reason. She eyed her man, feeling as if her chest couldn't contain all the love she had. She knew that Hawke had conflicting feelings about Cullen, and yet he went to get him and bring him for her, to make her happy.

She turned to Hawke, unable to hold back her appreciation. "Thank you, Garrett," she murmured, kissing him briefly, then giving him a knowing look before turning back to Cullen.

"I heard about Meredith," she said, acknowledging the troubles that he had had recently. "I am sorry."

"Thank you," he replied stoically. "The transition has not been as difficult as I feared, though there is always a period of time to get used to the new regime."

"Is Commander Baxter treating… everyone well?" it was the most diplomatic way of asking that she could come up with. She was rewarded with a slight smile from Cullen.

"Yes, though I am sure the mages would not answer the same," he admitted. "The commander is focused on finding the resolutionists- vying for peace in the city. Though, he does not see templar lives as expendable, which I am grateful for."

"What about the mage's lives?" Hawke asked dryly. Cat was glad that he asked, but would probably have done so if he had not.

"Though there are still restrictions, and strict rules, the number of mages made tranquil has decreased significantly," Cullen said, seeming proud. "Not to mention that some templars that were dismissed by Meredith for helping mages are being given a chance to rejoin us," he added.

"Really?" Cat asked, thinking of Samson. "Are there many of them?"

"More than you might think," he answered. "Though they are treated as recruits, instead of knights. However, Commander Baxter has said that they can be brought back to their former rank as soon as they earn our trust, so they are not held to the same rules as the recruits."

"You must be relieved to see such positive changes," she said, almost giddy when he gave her a full, hearty grin.

"Yes," he agreed happily. "After everything with Meredith… well, I didn't really believe that things would ever get better," he admitted. "Another thing I am glad to be wrong about."

"Well," Hawke interrupted, with a little cough. "I have to go see Anders for a bit," he said, putting his arm out slowly to touch Cat's arm. He hoped everything he had explained to Cullen, and the demonstration would help keep him from startling her. Though, he could admit to himself he wouldn't be too sad if she were upset with the templar.

It's small and petty, but… meh, he thought. He gave her a smile. "Have a nice visit with your friend," he said, trying to keep his voice light. He was rewarded by the look of love she gave him, and the way she stepped into him for an embrace.

"Thank you, really," she told him, kissing him again, though she pulled away when he tried to deepen it. "You have no idea how much this means to me," she gave him a wicked looking smirk. "Nor how I'll show my gratitude, later."

He knew she meant to say it quietly, but was certain by the blush on the Captain's face that he heard her. Thinking that was reward enough for now, he gave her a wink and turned to head to the door. Honestly, just hearing how happy she is makes it all worth it, he thought as he left.

"WHAT?!"

"I said it was the plan, Hawke!"

Hawke glared down at his friend, shocked and appalled that he had even considered the idea of blowing up the chantry. "I can't believe this!" he slammed his palm down, and the little table that sat at in the clinic trembled.

He had flown to his feet at the revelation, and didn't bother to pick up the stool that had tipped over in the process. He began pacing the floor, too agitated to try to sit back down.

"Look, I'm not proud of it, okay?" Anders griped, his hand fisting in his hair. "But there weren't a lot of options! Something big has to happen!"

Hawke stopped, turning back to look at his friend's face. "Something big?" he asked cautiously. "Like say, the Knight Commander being killed?"

Anders looked up, glaring. "Yes of course!" he said sarcastically. "Because I had the money and contacts to have the highest ranking templar in Kirkwall killed without any trace as to how… and decided to just do nothing for years! I must prefer living in the underbelly of society, and watching all of my people emotionally castrated-"

"Okay, okay," Hawke interrupted. "I'm sorry, but it just sounded a little too perfect," he tried to explain. His face hardened slightly. "But don't talk like I'm not a mage too," he reminded him.

"Well, it's easy to forget sometimes," Anders muttered, looking away.

Hawke took a moment to remain calm, trying to see things from Anders' perspective. Yes, they were both mages, yet anyone could see that they had hugely different experiences. He picked up the stool, and returned to sitting across from him. "So, if that is no longer the plan- thank the Maker- then what changed?"

"Well, I had a conversation with Cat," Anders replied guardedly. "She said that this war is coming, but that we didn't need to start it with… uh, killing."

"Murder," Hawke corrected, though he was considering. "I'm very glad that you are considering other options," he said, breathing a sigh. "I would have felt responsible, since I helped collect the ingredients for the explosion."

"Figured that out, did you?" Anders mumbled guiltily.

Hawke reached over and squeezed his friend's hand to get his attention. "Truly," he reiterated, wanting Anders to know how glad her was at the change in his plan. "Thank you."

Anders shrugged. "Like I said, it was Cat. Though really, it's hard to hear how things were supposed to go, you know?" he asked, still feeling overwhelmed at all that Cat had told him of his future if he had gone through with it.

"Supposed to go?" Hawke asked, confused.

"Yeah, though I'm glad she told me, so I could make the necessary adjustments," Anders continued, focused on his thoughts again, and not really hearing Hawke. "And who knows? Maybe when the other circles rebel, things will be different."

"Different than what?" Hawke asked, snapping Anders back to his conversation. He looked up, seeing the confusion on Hawke's face, and his stomach dropped.

"Different than… what I originally thought?" Anders answered, wondering what was happening. Hawke said that Cat told him everything… so why does it seem like he has no idea what I'm talking about?

"Oh," Hawke replied, still not making sense of what Anders was saying.

"So, I'm trying to figure out what I can do now," Anders continued, moving quickly to change the subject. "Which I why I told you, you know, in case you think of something."

"I can think about it?" Hawke offered, his brow furrowed, and Anders could tell he was still trying to piece everything together.

"That would be great!" Anders exclaimed, forcing cheerfulness into his voice. "So, you mentioned something about wanting to figure out how Cat got here?" he asked in desperation.

"Oh, yes!" Hawke smiled, finally distracted from his thoughts. "I told you that she told me about where she came from, and that you and Fenris knew as well. Honestly, I was pretty relieved when she told me, because she kept saying that she wouldn't move in until after we had talked, and I was expecting some big horrific secret, like that whole relic business, you know?"

Hawke grinned, and Anders tried to return it, but his heart was dropping. It was sounding as if she hadn't told him everything after all… though Hawke thought she had.

This is not good… he thought.

"So, after I convinced her that I didn't care about where she came from, I mean really, it wasn't like it was her fault! And yes, it was a little hard to believe at first, but when you think about how much she loves watching magic, how she went so long before learning how to fight, and all the other little things that always struck us as odd, well it all fits!"

Hawke continued as he beamed at his friend. "I'm just so glad to finally know! She would always say things about having to keep things from me, but now? Now we have no secrets, and we can move forward with our lives!"

"Right…" Anders replied, feeling sick. Oh Cat… he thought. What have you done?