Seasons of Love

by Forever without him

When Alison DiLaurentis is thrust into a world of choices between obligation & loyalty she makes an impossible decision. After spending three years without Emily Fields, she sets out to prove to the brunette that she's worth loving. As looming threats from their past emerge and an unexpected tragedy unfolds, they learn to lean on one another. Canon-Divergent. Rating may change.

11. Fall to Pieces

A/N: Not going to lie. It's going to be a little rough. But there will be some bright spots. So hold on for the ride.

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Chapter 10:

Fall To Pieces

Emily stared out the tiny square plane window. It was grey and cloudy and the plane was shaking with a significant amount of turbulence.

The nervous flyer in front of her was clutching the arms of her seat and whimpering. Her teenage son barely even noticed. He was engrossed in his screen. The little boy on the end was asleep. Emily envied the little boy...who could escape the real world into a flight of fancy. She hadn't slept since she got the call about her dad.

Her fingertips tightened against the seat armrests.

They were somewhere over Colorado. The wispy storm clouds were like an extension of her mood.

Dark.

Cold.

Ominous.

Elements invisible to the naked eye brewing underneath the surface, a pressure mounting. Like an explosion was imminent.

She'd been in a semi-fugue state the past 24 hours.

Alison had cancelled all of her upcoming events and handled everything for Emily, including the travel arrangements.

She'd also helped Emily draft an e-mail to her college professors about missing classes. She had spoken to Samara and Zoe and asked them to explain the situation to the Alliance center and she'd texted Emily's boss from her Lifeguarding job to let him know what was going on.

Emily caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. She looked like hell, but she didn't care.

Nothing mattered anymore.

She'd always known her dad was at risk overseas, but she'd rationalized that nothing would ever happen. Not to him. Not to her family.

Now she didn't know how to process that it had happened.

A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly reached up and wiped it away with her palm.

If she started crying again she wouldn't be able to stop. And the last thing she needed to do was cause a scene on the plane.

She had spoken to her mom a few times. They'd mostly just cried on the phone together. Hanna's mother, Ashley had been with her. Ashley had stayed the night. Toby had brought them breakfast the next morning and ended up staying.

Alison had insisted on coming to Rosewood with her, even though it was short notice. Emily was in such a state of shock that she'd just nodded. But then she shook her head in confusion

"No…you…you have all of those events coming up. And your acting gig…"

"This is way more important. Besides…there will be other events." She'd caressed Emily's tear-stricken face. "And I've mostly wrapped my remaining scenes. The Director said we can finish everything up at a later date."

The director had been very understanding when Alison's agent talked to her. She apparently had two brothers in the military.

Alison had felt a gnawing sensation in her stomach when she heard that. She'd had fleeting moment where she wished she had siblings she could love and be proud of.

She felt selfish for thinking of herself at a time when Emily needed her. She was struggling to keep her own emotions in check so she could be there for her girlfriend.

When Alison's mother died the brunette had stayed by her side and held her hand as she cried in her bed. Alison had learned compassion from her. She had learned how to be there for others.

She had barely left Emily's side since she found her in the middle of her breakdown.

Emily didn't say much. She spoke to Alison mostly through touches.

Reaching for her hand.

Leaning in so their foreheads gently met.

Cupping her face and pulling her in for a kiss.

Curling into her when a crying jag hit.

She hadn't been able to shower last night. She just stood in the stream of water. Alison had to step in and help her lather her body and shampoo her hair. Emily had wept and apologized as Alison's delicate nimble fingers carefully massaged her scalp.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She'd felt utterly useless.

Alison had shushed her and gently pecked her lips.

After she rinsed the conditioner out of Emily's hair the brunette had hung her head down and pushed her forehead against Alison's, searching her eyes for the comfort she desperately needed.

It was only then that Emily had become animated again, her hand reaching up to stroke Alison's face in the spray of water. Her lips had gently swept over Alison's.

Alison knew it wasn't sexual. She could tell that it was different. It was something Emily needed to ground herself, so she moved her mouth against Emily's, letting the water fall between them.

The shower was tiny, so it wasn't easy to move around, but they managed.

After the shower they laid in bed together.

Emily had reached out for her again.

Only this time she wanted more.

Alison softly pushed her hands away.

"Please…" She'd begged Alison to touch her so she could feel something other than pain.

"You're vulnerable, Em…" Alison had smoothed down some of Emily's stray hairs. She was close enough to see the agony in her eyes.

"That's the point. I can't…I can't deal with this. I want it to go away. I feel like I'm being ripped apart. I need you. Please, Ali. Please…" It was breathless and needy and completely different than what she was normally like in bed.

"You're sure?"

Emily answered with a kiss, pulling Alison into her embrace.

Alison let her take control, and Emily showed her exactly what she wanted…what she needed.

They had explored each other's bodies as they let their raw emotions consume them. The warmth of Alison's body and the sensation of her slender fingers slowly building her to her peak gave Emily the safety net she was so desperately seeking.

She wasn't freefalling when she was holding the blonde close to her. It was like wrapping her arms around the sun without being burned.

Alison thought Emily had fallen asleep afterwards. She'd rolled to her side and had been very still.

But then the bed started to shake, sobs filling the air again.

"Oh, Em..."

All Alison could do was hold her.

It was a long night.

The entire 24 hours had felt like it had lasted an eternity.

Time didn't make sense to the brunette anymore.

Time had stopped the second her dad had died.

Time ceasing to exist was the only explanation for how she'd gone from taking an exam to laying in the bed with Alison to the intimacy they shared to staring out a plane window.

They all felt like snippets of a puzzle missing a dozen pieces.

It didn't feel real.

She felt something soft brush her shoulder and slowly trickle down her arm. Then the sensation reversed course and slipped up to her shoulder again.

She turned to face Alison, who was lovingly rubbing her arm.

The blonde held out a clear plastic cup with a light yellow beverage that had crackling bubbles in it.

Alison handed her the ginger ale. Emily took it without a fuss.

Alison reached into her lap and grabbed two Biscotti cookies and a package of peanut butter crackers. She had packed the crackers. She had packed everything.

The cookies had come from the cart that was now stopped at the aisle behind them, despite the rocky ride. Bless the flight attendants…they were managing to make it through the aisles to give everyone snacks and drinks even though they'd hit turbulence.

Alison offered Emily the crackers and the Biscotti.

Emily didn't move.

She'd forgotten how to move.

She'd forgotten how to do everything basic.

"Honey, you need to eat something." Alison was starting to get worried because Emily hadn't touched a bite of food since sometime yesterday morning.

The thought of eating made Emily want to puke. She had never gotten sick on a plane before. She had been flying since she was little. But her stomach was churning.

"I'm nauseous." Emily's eyes darted to the barf bag in the pocket of the seat in front of her.

"Because you haven't eaten anything." She had barely been able to get Emily to drink either.

Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose. She slowly opened her eyes and lifted the cup to her lips, taking small sips of ginger ale to appease Alison.

She reached for the tray table and unlatched it, pulling it down so she could put the cup down. She begrudgingly took the snacks Alison offered.

It took her nearly an hour to nibble her way through the food, but she managed to keep it down.

When they were landing an hour and a half later she felt the rumbling sensation in her stomach returning, and she was certain she was going to paint the family in front of her with peanut butter and Biscotti. But when Alison reached for her hand she felt her stomach settling.

Emily watched as the cities below started to come more into focus as the plane made its descent. It was strange that something that had seemed so big to her was so small on the grand scale of things. Her entire childhood could be condensed into a tiny little speck that looked like an anthill from the sky. Is that what they were? Ants with a greater concept of emotions?

The ground was getting closer, and Emily felt like she was falling. But then she turned and looked at Alison and she knew she was going to be okay.

The landing was smooth with no issues. Emily watched the asphalt glide by underneath the plane as they rolled up to the gate.

After they deplaned they grabbed their luggage.

They walked outside into the biting Pennsylvania air. The warmth of the beach was far behind them. The crisp fall day sent a shiver through Emily, who had acclimated to Malibu's warmer year-round temperatures.

She wrapped her arms around herself when the chill hit her. Alison did the same.

They heard their names being called and saw a tall figure leaning on a dirty grey Ford F150 pick-up truck.

He pushed off the side of the truck and started on his way over.

He was bulkier than Alison and Emily remembered. He'd filled out a bit more. He had a bit of stubble on his angled chin that made his face seem fuller.

Toby Cavanaugh was standing in front of them seconds later, his bright baby blue eyes teeming with sympathy.

Toby didn't say anything. He just engulfed Emily in a huge bear hug. Emily held on to him like a lifeline. They had bonded years ago over feeling like outsiders in their own lives. She had never had a sibling. And Toby's only sibling was his psychopath step-sister. Toby and Emily became brother and sister throughout the years somehow.

"Hey, Toby." Emily cleared her throat, coming more alive than Alison had seen in a while.

"Hey." Toby knew better than to talk about Emily's dad unless she brought him up.

He knew what it was like to lose a parent. His mother had died when he was a kid. And he hated it when people placated him with "I'm so sorry for your loss" because "sorry" couldn't bring his mom back. He knew to let other people lead when they were suffering.

"Alison." Toby stood in front of Alison, not sure how to greet her.

They had never been on the best terms. As the years had gone by the tensions had faded, but there was still a lingering awkwardness between them.

"Hi, Toby." Alison shot him a tiny appreciative smile. "Thank you for picking us up."

"Of course." Toby nodded. He hadn't hesitated at all when Alison had called to ask him to give them a ride from the airport. "Was the flight okay?"

"We hit a little turbulence." Emily played with a thread on her light jacket. "How is my mom?"

"She's with Ashley and Ella." Toby rubbed Emily's shoulder. "She hasn't been alone since she found out. We've all been there."

Alison stared at his hand on Emily's shoulder, trying to quell the stupid jealous feeling bubbling in her stomach. She knew it was selfish to feel that way, and she knew Toby wasn't a threat. But ever since Emily had broken down, Alison felt a primal need to protect her.

Emily managed a sad nod and a quiet sigh. She had been concerned about her mother being on her own…dealing with her grief alone.

"Let me get your luggage." Toby reached for where Alison's hand was resting on a rolling suitcase.

"Thank you." Alison gladly handed it over.

Toby started piling their things into the back of the truck as the girls climbed in the backseat. After they had settled in and put their seatbelts on, Emily turned to Alison. Her eyes were glistening. The weight of the reality she was facing was crushing her.

"I'm not ready." Emily whispered, barely recognizing her own voice.

"I know." Alison didn't know how to respond to that.

She had no idea what to say. There wasn't much someone could say that was going to take the pain away.

"I know it's not easy for you either." Emily mindlessly stroked the back of Alison's hand. "I know we both have our demons in this town."

They had been tortured in Rosewood. Alison had nearly been killed. So had Emily. Alison had also suffered an agonizing loss after her time on the run.

It had been four years since her mother had been found dead, and she still didn't have answers.

"It's not about me." Alison shrugged it off, not wanting to think about her past.

The blonde reached for her hand, her palm pressing gently against it. Her face was full of sympathy and compassion.

"I need to ask you a favor." Emily inhaled a shallow breath.

"Anything."

"I need you to be honest with me if it becomes too much for you. I know you left here for a reason. Same reason I did." Emily's sad eyes met Alison's. "I've had years to process. You've only had a few months. I know it's triggering to be back. So just promise me that you'll tell me if you're having a hard time."

Alison felt a stinging sensation in her eyes. It had only been one day…one day…since Emily found out her dad was killed. And she was thinking about her feelings.

Emily could be loyal to a fault, a lot of times at the expense of herself. She had always put everyone else's need before her own. But Alison wasn't going to let her do that anymore. At least not this time.

"I'll be fine." Even if she wasn't okay, she would deal with it.

Emily scrutinized her face, searching for honesty. She didn't seem to be satisfied at first, but then her shoulders fell back in relaxation and she nodded.

Alison didn't like lying to her, but it was necessary sometimes. Sometimes little white lies were a kindness.

Toby climbed in the front, jostling the entire truck.

He glanced in the mirror and then buckled his seatbelt.

The drive to town was fairly quiet.

The silence was deafening. On the plane at least there had been white noise. The sound of the wind and air and people chattering and moving around. It had provided a sense of comfort.

Now the silence seemed ten times louder than the white noise on the plane.

"How have you been doing?" Alison tried to fill the air with small talk by engaging Toby. "How is the carpentry business?"

Toby's eyes met hers in the rearview mirror, a perplexed expression on his face. He had a feeling Alison didn't have a special interest in carpentry. It was only when his eyes flickered to Emily, who was peering out the window, that he sensed what Alison was doing.

His eyes were back on the road as he responded,

"I'm working on a project right now that's partnered with Habitat for Humanity. Affordable houses for low income areas." His hands were loose on the wheel as he turned into a curve on the road.

"Em…you worked with Habitat for Humanity, didn't you?" Alison tried to pull her out of her thoughts.

"I did." Emily was still staring out the window. "After Maya died."

Alison felt like smacking herself.

Shit. Fuck. Fucking shit.

Why did everything in their lives circle back to trauma?

The last thing Alison had wanted to do was to pile more grief on top of what Emily was feeling.

To her surprise, Emily turned to her with a serene expression on her face.

"It was one of the most healing and fulfilling experiences I've ever had." She even managed a weary smile. She directed her attention to Toby. "Who are you working with?"

"Nicole."

"She is fantastic. I loved working with her."

Emily had made some really good friends who had helped her through Maya's death when she worked with Habitat for Humanity.

She had felt like she'd never be able to move forward and live her life after her old girlfriend was murdered. There had been something cathartic about hammering the shit out of a bunch of nails and bonding with people while building houses.

Now she was right back where she started, only the pain of grief was a million times worse.

The brief period of relief she'd felt dissipated.

She turned her attention back towards the scenery outside the window.

The atmosphere in Rosewood was entirely different than it was in Malibu. It was colder. The air was heavier.

The explosion of colors from the leaves on the trees reminded the brunette of her childhood…of growing up in town.

A lump formed in her throat as a memory of her father taking her out to look at the leaves came careening back to her.

She had been four years old when they walked through the canopy of trees. She could almost reach the leaves from where she was sitting on her dad's shoulders. Her mother had been strolling around them, taking pictures. She had stopped for a moment to snap a photo of her husband and daughter, completely wrapped up in their own little world.

Now the colors seemed dull. The fire-engine reds and the bright orange and yellow leaves, while they were just the same as they had been when she was four, seemed to have lost their magic.

Would she ever recover?

It seemed like she wouldn't ever be able to survive after Maya died, but she did. This was different though. This was her father.

"How is the non-profit going in Malibu?" Toby shifted the subject.

His voice startled Emily, who had disappeared into the deepest part of her mind.

"Really well." She turned towards Alison, gripping her hand. "We help so many people. We have an incredible group of volunteers." She smiled at Alison. "Including Alison."

"How do you like it out there, Alison?" Toby asked.

"It's been a really nice change of pace. And of course…" She played with Emily's fingers, "…spending time with Emily is the best part."

The small talk on the way to her house helped ease a tiny fraction of Emily's pain, but the relief became a distant memory once Toby pulled on to her street.

She saw a little girl riding her bike, and flashes of her childhood twisted what was once joy into terrible agony.

She could see a phantom version of herself and her father, running along behind her to hold her bike steady. He was shouting encouragement as Emily peddled with all the strength her little legs could muster.

She didn't know he'd let go until she was two houses ahead of him. She managed to wheel her bike around and peddle back to him.

"I did it, daddy!" She'd planted her feet firmly after she stopped.

"I knew you could!" He'd put his hand on top of her bright pink helmet.

Her mother had been watching from the porch. There were pictures and a video of that day somewhere in Emily's old house.

Her mother was in the same spot on the porch she'd been the day of that bike ride when Toby's truck pulled in beside Ashley Marin's car.

Ashley was sitting next to Pam, engaging in a somber conversation.

Pam looked up when she heard Toby's truck approaching. She was on her feet seconds later walking to the edge of the porch. Ashley stood up, but didn't follow her.

Alison and Emily exchanged a look.

"Deep breaths," Alison said quietly.

Emily nodded and gently let go of Alison's hand. She was the first one out of the truck.

Her demeanor changed entirely the second she started walking towards her mother.

Alison noticed the shift in her gait and the controlled expression on her face. It was almost as if she thought she had to be strong for her mother.

"Emmy." Pam blinked back tears when Emily was in front of her.

Up close Emily could see the physical detriment of her mother's grief. She had a light sheen of sweat across her forehead. She looked pale from the shock. Her eyes were glazed over and unfocused.

"Hi, mom."

Pam opened her waiting arms and Emily fell into them. When her mom wrapped her arms around her and squeezed Emily felt everything and nothing at the same time, but she squeezed her own arms around her and hugged her back.

She could see someone moving around inside the house and she knew that it was Ella Montgomery, Aria's mother. She moved with the same nervous energy she'd always had.

Alison and Toby approached slowly, giving the two of them some space.

"I'm so glad you're home." Her mother's voice was muffled by their hug.

It was earnest and heartbreaking. She could feel her mother's agony. It was even more unbearable than her own pain.

Alison watched them, an aching feeling of grief for their loss clenching in her chest. She blinked back tears.

When they finally broke apart Emily saw Ashley still standing on the porch.

"Hi, Mrs. Marin."

"Honey, I've known you since you were ten. You can call me Ashley."

Emily's lips trembled, but quirked up in a watery smile.

"Ella is inside working on a few things." Ashley glanced at Alison and Toby. She waved and they waved back. "And Hanna and Caleb will be here any minute, too."

Alison had called all of the girls to tell them about Emily's dad.

Hanna had been crying when she picked up, because her mother had already gotten in touch with her. Hearing about Wayne's death had stirred Hanna's own childhood trauma. But her father wasn't dead. He was just a deadbeat. Wayne had always been nice to Hanna. He made her feel like a normal kid.

Hanna had made arrangements to take some time off to go to Rosewood to be there for her childhood friend. And Caleb could work remotely from anywhere, so he was driving her down.

They had their neighbor taking care of Cheese, though Alison was somewhat curious to meet the cat that had tamed Hanna Marin and Caleb Rivers.

Aria was flying in tomorrow morning. She also had leeway to work wherever she was located. And Liam was staying behind to pick up the bulk of the work.

Spencer was trying to work things out to get back as soon as she could. Regardless of the fact that she worked for her mother, she still had to go through all the proper channels and to make sure that everything was handled before she could fly in with her mother, who was coming back to support Pam.

"Alison." Pam turned her attention to the blonde, who was quietly standing several feet behind Emily. "Come here." She opened her arms for a hug, which was a bit of a shock to Alison, because Pam was not a big hugger.

Alison stepped into the hug. It was brief, but full of emotion.

"Thank you for taking care of my baby." She cradled Alison's cheeks like the blonde was her own daughter.

Alison didn't realize how much she needed a mother who cared until that very moment. She felt like a little kid.

"Of course. I'm so sorry about Mr. Fields."

"Thank you, sweetheart."

Alison wasn't sure what she'd done to warrant such kindness from Emily's mother. She was part of the reason her daughter had been tortured in high school, and she had stayed in town for three years with one of her daughter's abusers. Pam Fields had every reason to hate her, but when she looked into her eyes she saw sincerity in them.

Toby walked by and gave Pam a quiet nod and joined Ashley on the porch. They started talking about arrangements while Emily and Alison shared a few minutes alone with Emily's mother.

Emily stared at her house…getting lost in the past, getting buried under the weight and complexity of all the memories she carried with her. Good and bad.

When she first left Rosewood she knew the only way she was going to survive was by compartmentalizing everything. So she locked her life in high school into a tight little box and shoved it into the recesses of her mind. It came to the surface sometimes, and she dealt with it when it did. But she'd never dealt with the intensity of it all coming back at the same time. That's what she was faced with staring at her childhood home. Everything had been unlocked

She tried to process it, becoming acutely aware of the box from her past opening up, each memory exploding like bombs in her mind. All the memories crashed into each other. It was screeching and noisy, like a bad car wreck. Metal tearing apart metal.

On the outside, she showed no sign of the turmoil that was playing out in her mind. After a few minutes it started to die down.

When they walked inside Ella Montgomery greeted them. She had been rearranging all of the flowers that had been sent. She also explained that the Casualty Assistance Officer had already come and gone, but that he had left his number for any follow up questions.

A few minutes after they had gotten settled Alison pulled her phone out.

She had completely forgotten to take it off airplane mode. She hadn't thought about her phone for the last 24 hours. She hadn't even thought about her socials.

The last thing she'd posted had been a behind the scenes video on her Tiktok with two of her cast-mates. They were sisters and fellow influencers. Peach and Plum.

The tiny airplane disappeared from Alison's screen and immediately, her alerts started coming through. She ignored all the alerts about her social media accounts. She saw a missed call from an unknown number.

Don't have the bandwidth for you right now, Charlotte.

She deleted it without listening.

A text from Hanna popped up.

We're here. Give me a call.

She excused herself, though she wasn't sure she'd be missed given that Emily and her mother were immersed in a deep conversation.

She stepped out and called Hanna.

"Hey." Hanna picked up after one ring. "How is she?"

"I don't really know how to answer that." Alison's throat felt tight. She tugged at the collar of her shirt.

"And how are you?"

The question surprised Alison, because they weren't really the kind of friends who talked about their feelings.

"I'm okay."

There was a scoff on the other end of the phone.

"Liar." There was a dinging sound of a car door being opened. "The girls and I haven't forgotten about your mom and what happened here. I know it's not easy for you to be back."

"Yeah, okay. You're right. But this is bigger than me." Alison quietly whispered back. She didn't want anyone to overhear their conversation.

"Wow." Hanna wasn't sure how to respond. She knew that Alison had changed, but actually hearing it was a shock to her senses. "Look, it's a shitty situation to be in. I get it. But you need to take care of yourself, too. Because Emily is going to need you."

"I've been here every step of the way." Alison assured her. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." The dinging sound of the car stopped. "We just got to my mom's place. I know she's over there. I wanted to come there, but I don't want to crowd Emily. I know you two just got there. We plan on coming by in the morning after we pick Aria up from the airport. Do you think that would be okay?"

"I don't want to speak for her, but I think she'd be glad to see you all." Alison glanced back into the living room, where Emily and her mother were hunched towards each other, still talking. "Any word from Spencer?"

"She'll be in tomorrow night with her mother. Seems Senator Hastings is using her powers to get Emily's dad home as soon as possible so they don't have to sit and wait and wonder." Hanna sighed.

Spencer always came through for her friends. Always.

"Your mom said they're aiming to have the funeral in two days."

"We'll be there, Ali." Hanna's voice was heavy with grief. "We'll all be there."

"I know." Alison smiled weakly.

After her conversation with Hanna, Alison quietly took her place next to Emily again. She was looking at old photos with her mother. The blonde looked over her shoulder, putting a comforting hand against the small of her back.

Emily was overwhelmed being home, but she didn't let it show for the sake of her mother. But Alison could tell. She stayed close, but didn't hover. She didn't want Emily to feel boxed in.

Later in the afternoon when the house was quiet and Emily and Pam were by themselves, Alison excused herself so she could go by her old house.

She knew that Emily and Pam needed time alone…and she needed to see her brother so she could punch him in the face for worrying her so much.

She tried calling him on the way over, but his phone sent her straight to voicemail.

She was sorely disappointed, though not surprised, that the house was empty.

The lawn was still being cared for and the mailbox was empty, so someone was taking care of the place.

She knew he was probably away on business. She'd tried talking to his boss several times, but the man never revealed anything personal about his whereabouts.

God only knows what the asshole told him.

For all Alison knew, Jason's boss thought she was the devil.

Since he wasn't answering she took it upon herself to find the answers for herself.

She searched for the hide-a-key she'd hidden when she was fourteen. She'd never told anyone in her family about it. It had been her little secret.

But it wasn't where she'd left it: in a hidden compartment underneath a light shining on to the porch.

She had a second hiding place that she checked and the key was missing from that spot, too.

He threw my fucking keys away.

That was a new level of low and petty.

She pulled her phone out.

I'm in Rosewood. Emily's dad died. I wanted to talk to you in person, but you're clearly ignoring me. I thought you'd at least be here for me for this.

She knew he wouldn't reply, but the longer she stared at the unanswered message the angrier she got.

She had to stop herself from throwing her phone through the window and breaking in.

Everything she had been holding on to since she heard about Wayne came burning to the surface. A fire in her lungs propelled her forward and she grabbed the guard rail and gripped it angrily.

"FUUUUCK!" It echoed loudly in the uppity neighborhood, and Alison hoped that all the bitchy WASPy people heard it loud and clear. "FUCK THIS PLACE!"

Instant satisfaction washed over her as the release of emotions kicked her endorphins into high gear.

Her eyes skirted the yard she had grown up in. It didn't really look all that different. She stared at the side gate that Jason had once left open on purpose so her dog Pepe would run away. Jason had always hated that dog. The dog didn't much like him either.

Alison still hadn't forgiven him for leaving the gate open. During one of their fights he admitted that he'd done it on purpose. She'd slapped him.

"So you're not only a pervert pedophile. You're a psychopath who hates animals?" She'd angrily goaded him.

He hadn't taken the bait. He'd gotten in his little penis envy car and drove away, nearly running over her foot on the way out.

Her family had been so terrible to her…and to each other.

She peered across the yard, her eyes fixed on the property line where her mother's body had been found.

You were supposed to be there for me. Hot angry tears filled her eyes. You were supposed to LOVE me!

She wasn't sure whether it was the grief of losing Emily's father or the unresolved grief she had for her mother, but it poured through her veins.

Fuck you. And dad. And Jason. And Charlotte. Fuck all of you.

She kicked at the porch railing, muttering swear words under her breath.

She blinked and a ghostly apparition of her mother appeared in the distance. If she had been in a normal state of mind she would have been worried about her sanity. But she was too angry to care.

There are so many things I want to say to you. You're the reason I'm so messed up. You and this screwed up family. You're nothing but a pile of bones now and yet you still find ways to disappoint me. I hate you.

She sniffed. The silent screams no one could hear in her mind were driving her crazy.

I HATE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?

A beat of silence and then tears filled her eyes.

Why did you leave me, mommy?

She palmed the tears away and the ghost was gone. It had never been there in the first place. She was just an unstable mess yelling in her head.

She sat down on the stoop of her old front porch, bundled up in her coat. She knew she needed to pull herself together before going back to the Fields house.

By the time she got back it was after dark.

Emily pulled her into a hug and told her she'd been worried about her.

Alison had missed a couple of her texts. She'd been too busy fighting the monsters in her head.

Alison just hugged Emily back and told her she was there for her.

o ~ O ~ o

The next day the girls rallied for Emily, showing up in the last city any of them wanted to be in so that she wouldn't have to go through her father's death alone.

Hanna had showed up first thing in the morning, Aria and Caleb in tow.

Hanna practically tackled her into a hug, and Emily embraced it. Her exuberance elicited a quiet chuckle from the brunette.

It was the first time Alison had seen Emily laugh since she'd found her crying on their kitchen floor.

Aria had been gentler when she hugged her. Emily clasped both of Aria's hands in hers and they shared a sweet understanding glance.

Caleb's hug had been a half-hug. He wrapped his arm around Emily's shoulder and pulled her in. His past had been complicated. He had been an orphan as a child only to find both of his parents later in life. He had a unique perspective in life. And his presence seemed to help Emily.

They'd all addressed Alison just as warmly as they'd addressed Emily. They could see the lengths she had gone to in order to shed her old skin, and they appreciated it.

By that night Spencer had joined them.

When Spencer held Emily and told her she was there for her the brunette had almost fallen apart.

They had always had a special relationship. They'd butted heads often, but they loved each other enough to call one another on their bullshit. They had come through the worst of their squabbles closer than ever.

Spencer was one of the most authentic people that existed, and she and Emily balanced each other in a way that none of the others did.

Emily humbled Spencer, who had come from a family with wealth and affluence…a family that was also deeply flawed and didn't have the roots that Emily had with her family. And Spencer challenged Emily to advocate for herself more and to communicate more effectively.

Emily put on a brave face for her friends. They all saw through it, but no one said anything.

Her friends were talking, but she couldn't quite comprehend anything they were saying. She fidgeted on the couch next to Alison. She was a lot like her mother. She had a hard time sitting still when her emotions were clawing away at her.

She channeled all her nervous energy into moving around. Even when she was sitting on the couch she was bouncing her knee up and down.

Grief manifested in many ways, and Alison had learned that there was no wrong way to grieve. You couldn't control how to feel it or when to let it in.

Alison put her hand against Emily's leg and reached for her hand to calm her down. Emily's knee stopped bouncing and she peered at the blonde.

Everyone in the room noticed, but they all sensed it wasn't the right time to say anything.

Hanna's gaze was fixed on their joined hands, a mixture of bewilderment and amusement on her face. Spencer analyzed the two of them, her brow lifted in a curious analytical manner. Aria cocked her head and lifted her brows, as if she'd known all along. Caleb was the only one who didn't bat an eye.

"I'm going to check on my mom." Emily felt a surge of electricity coursing through her veins. Sitting still was not doing her any favors. "Does anyone need anything? A drink or something to eat?"

There was already plenty of comfort food pouring in.

Alison's gaze met Emily's, her soft blue eyes trying to reconcile the fact that despite Emily's pain she still felt the urge to take care of their friends.

The blonde spoke before any of the others could pipe in, not that they were going to say anything different.

"We're fine." Alison rubbed her arm. "Just focus on yourself and your mom."

"Yeah, Em. You go. We're okay." Aria echoed Alison's sentiment.

Alison looked at Aria, giving her an appreciative nod.

Emily leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against Alison's temple. She didn't seem to care that they had an audience. She clearly didn't care about their friends finding out they were back together.

Of course she wouldn't care anymore. They'd been together long enough for them to know it was working. And everything else probably seemed trivial in the height of her grief.

Emily drifted out of the room towards the steps. Her mother was upstairs rooting around in her closet. Emily knew she wasn't actually looking for anything in particular. She just needed to keep herself busy.

The girls watched her disappear, her footsteps ascending towards the second floor.

When Alison turned back around to face the girls and Caleb she saw that all eyes were on her.

"So…you two are…together now?" There was no malice in Spencer's tone.

Her curious nature surprised Alison, because she expected the girls to be suspicious of the relationship.

"Yeah." Color flooded her cheeks.

"Wow." Hanna lifted her brows, pausing a moment before offering Alison a half-smile. "About time."

Hanna had suspected it for a while, but getting the confirmation was satisfying.

"When did it happen?" Aria asked. "I mean, I knew you two were living together in Malibu, but I've never seen you post anything about her…"

At least one of my friends follows me.

"…and she never said anything about you two getting back together. I honestly considered it and figured you were back together, but I'm surprised neither of you mentioned it. Even in your posts it's mostly you."

"Out of respect for her." Alison explained. "She is sketchy about social media."

"I understand that." Aria nodded solemnly. She vehemently hated the social media aspect of her job. She hated putting herself out there.

"I know it's weird because of my influencer career and acting. But I decided early on that I wanted to my professional life and personal life private. I think some things are best left off the internet."

"Smart." Caleb gave Alison a look of approval. "Given everything you all went through, keeping your personal lives private is the right move."

"We started dating a few months ago. We were going to tell you all when the time was right. We wanted to have a clear definition of our relationship. Emily wanted us to reconnect and get to know one another again." Alison watched their faces carefully, searching for judgment.

All she found was kindness and compassion…something she wasn't entirely sure she deserved. She was still working on the demons from her past.

"I didn't want to come back here and make it all about us getting together. I'm here for her. Not for anything else." Alison wanted to make it perfectly clear that she was done with Charlotte.

She didn't want them to think she had an ulterior motive for being back in town.

"So real talk…how is she doing?" Caleb asked.

"She's…" Alison bit her lip. "She's so broken. I don't know what to do."

Spencer's eyes darted to the ground, as if for a brief moment she was shouldering Emily's pain. They often did that when it came to one another. Spencer and Emily specifically.

"Well, if anyone knows what it's like to lose a parent…" Hanna trailed off, her sad eyes tracking towards a picture of Wayne and his girls.

"Yeah, but that…it's different."

My mother was a raging cunt who raised three lunatics.

Of course it was more complicated than that, and Alison knew that. She would always have an aching pit in her heart that had been carved out and buried with her mother. They had hated each other, but she was still Alison's mother. And Alison had some fleeting memories of happiness with her. Very fleeting.

Reaching for her mommy's hand at a carnival when she was three.

Being carried to bed after falling asleep on the couch after way too much cotton candy.

Her mother softly singing to her, rubbing her back as she lied in her big girl bed.

"Both were sudden. Both were unexpected." Spencer pointed out the similarities.

She didn't have to mention that both deaths had been violent. Spencer knew Alison was already thinking about that.

Alison couldn't get that video loop of her mother being buried out of her mind. She couldn't erase the memory of Pepe digging up her body.

"It's not like I haven't thought about it. But my mom and I…we didn't have what Emily had with her dad. He was her person." Alison felt a tickle in her throat and a burning sensation in her nose, but she fought back the tears. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to get her through this."

"There is no getting her through it." Spencer had always cut right to the chase. Sometimes Alison was annoyed by her brevity and sometimes she appreciated it.

"I know." Alison reached up and rubbed her cheeks with her palms, burying her face and letting out a pained noise between a cry and a grunt. "This sucks. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe he's gone. He was the only decent man in this stupid town other than Pastor Ted."

Wayne had been so nice to her, even though she'd never done anything to deserve it. She'd been such a terror when she was younger. Pastor Ted was the only other good man she'd ever met. He had dated Hanna's mom briefly. He was a caring gentleman. He also happened to be presiding over Wayne's funeral. There was dark irony in the fact that the only other good man in Rosewood was helping them say goodbye to the other.

She glanced at Caleb apologetically when she realized she had insulted all men.

"Sorry, Caleb. I didn't mean you."

"I know what you meant." He shrugged it off. "Guys are assholes. All of us."

"Most of you." Hanna corrected him. "Emily's dad set the bar really high." She peered at a picture of Wayne in his uniform sitting on the mantel.

"Yeah, he always had a smile on his face when he was walking around town." Aria nodded with a sigh.

"He bought me an ice cream cone once. My mom had been talking to Emily's parents and I saw she had one and I begged mom for one. But she didn't have her wallet with her, so he bought it for me. I was so happy when he handed me that cone. It was Strawberry." Hanna leaned against Caleb.

"He was a great dad." Spencer's tone indicated her appreciation for good fathers, which wasn't surprising given her father was a cheating jerk.

"This is going to kill her." Alison said matter-of-factly, jaw clenched.

She couldn't fix it. She couldn't take Emily's pain away. She knew first-hand that there was nothing to do except ride the wave of grief.

The death of a parent fundamentally changed something inside of a person. She wouldn't wish it upon her worst enemy.

"Emily is one of the strongest people I know. She's going to pull through." Hanna tried to reassure her.

Spencer stared down at her feet again.

She wasn't so sure. She knew Emily inside and out. She knew Emily almost as well as Alison did. The two of them had never held back when it came to letting the other in.

"How do I help her? I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never…" Alison fumbled over her words. She wasn't used to being vulnerable in front of anyone except for Emily. "I haven't ever had to do anything like this before. I want to help, but I'm so lost. I don't even know where to start."

"I'd say being here for her is a pretty good start." Aria smiled.

"She means everything to me." Alison's eyes drifted to a picture of Emily hanging on the wall before facing her friends again. "I want you all to know that. I know I didn't treat her right in the past. But I love her. I'm in love with her. Things are…they're different now. And it's a little bit terrifying, because I would do anything for her. But I don't know what to do for her right now. I don't know how to help. I hate seeing her in pain."

"You know you're not completely alone in this, right?" Hanna asked softly. "She has us, too. And so do you."

It was the last thing Alison expected to hear come from Hanna Marin's mouth. They had been at odds for years. Alison had done irreparable damage to Hanna's mental health, yet Hanna still found it in her heart to move on. She'd done the same for Mona. She had a big mouth, but an even bigger heart.

Alison cast an appreciative glance her way.

"Thank you."

"All of this is overwhelming in the worst way." Aria stared at a chip in her nail polish. She slowly glanced up at the blonde. "How is it for you? Being back?"

She was tip-toeing around the elephant in the room. An elephant named Charlotte.

"I…" Alison blinked, lost in thought. "I haven't even started to process any of this."

"Compartmentalizing is the name of that game. And trust me it does not lead anywhere good." Caleb reached for a paper to-go coffee sitting on a coaster in front of him.

"Are you…" Spencer's lips twitched as she fought back a smile. "Are you in therapy?"

Caleb tipped his coffee up and took a sip.

"No. Meditation retreat. I don't believe in that head-shrink nonsense. Therapy doesn't change people. People change because they want to change."

"Some people never do." It was an observational statement, but as soon as Spencer said it Alison couldn't help but think it was a pointed…and deserved…shot at Charlotte.

There was a quiet tension in the room.

Alison knew she couldn't avoid the topic forever.

"Guys, you have to know that when I left Rosewood…" She sighed. How could she put into words that she'd parted ways with her past for good and expect them to just understand? "I should have left much sooner. I shouldn't have stayed. It wasn't right. It was a slap in your faces…"

She wasn't going to make excuses or grovel for forgiveness. She had already apologized. But she needed them to know she was serious.

"She hurt you, too." Spencer cleared her throat, her eyes downtrodden, trying to keep her past locked in her past.

Hanna and Caleb weren't looking away. They were looking directly at Alison, their eyes screaming a truth that Aria and Spencer didn't know.

She's STILL hurting you. Hanna glared at her.

Alison and Hanna shared an unspoken exchange.

Should we tell them? Hanna subconsciously reached for Caleb's hand.

Alison gave a slight shake of her head.

No.

She didn't want to make things messier than they already were.

"It doesn't matter." Alison muttered. She had played right into Charlotte's hands. "I betrayed every single one of you because I was chasing some delusional idea of a family."

The truth was she'd had a family in her friends and she'd thrown it away.

"I don't think there are enough I'm sorrys to cover it." She flinched. "I know I've told you a thousand times, but maybe I should aim for a million."

"To be honest, if you tell us you're sorry again I'm going to body slam you." Hanna eyeballed her.

Alison chuckled.

"We made a drinking game out of it." Spencer admitted.

Another laugh.

Aria was uncharacteristically quiet.

Alison glanced at her, her curiosity piqued.

The small brunette reached out from the chair she was sitting in and touched Alison's hand.

If anyone knew what it meant to be manipulated and used by someone who never should have been loved, it was Aria. Ezra had hurt her in ways that she was still trying to recover from.

"Ali, you know I forgave you a long time ago. I think we all did." Her eyes scanned the room, glancing at her friends, who seemed to share the same sentiment.

They had been talking a lot about her over the summer. They had been skeptical of her worming her way back into Emily's life at first. She had used Emily in the past and they were protective. But the more Emily and Alison talked to them the more they were put at ease.

"You're going to have to forgive yourself at some point. You're not going to be able to move on with Emily if you don't." Aria angled forward just enough for her deep olive eyes to catch the light.

She looked so much happier and healthier than she had in high school. Dating Ezra had really sucked the life out of her. Alison still felt bad that she hadn't pushed harder to get Aria to break things off with him.

"I don't know how." Alison squeaked out.

"It'll take time, but you'll get there," Spencer said.

"I don't know what I'm doing half the time. And now...with this..." Alison gestured around the living room to nothing in particular.

They were right. Of course they were right, but it wasn't exactly easy for her. She was a terrible person for years. That guilt didn't go away overnight.

"If it makes you feel better…no one knows what they're doing." Hanna's face was filled with sympathy.

"Just keep doing what you're doing." Aria encouraged. "I mean, she was there for you after your mom…"

She stopped short of saying died, because she didn't just die. She was murdered. And the more that time passed the more certain Alison was that Charlotte had done it, even though her sister denied sending Alison the video of her being buried alive.

"Emily taught me everything I know about empathy," Alison said quietly, almost so quiet that it was to herself.

She looked back at the staircase where Emily had been only minutes ago. She knew the brunette was upstairs taking care of her mother.

Because that's the kind of person that Emily Fields was.

Alison would have been right in her assessment if she'd gone upstairs. She would have seen Emily pulling her mother away from the closet and sitting down with her. She would have seen the brunette hugging her mom as she sobbed for her husband. She would have heard the soft kind words she had spoken to calm her down.

It was second nature for Emily to care for the people she loved, even if she shut down to do so. She had not broken once since arriving home. She was the living embodiment of her father.

The next two days were a fog. Emily was going through the motions with her mother. They had been walked through what would happen if Wayne was killed in action at every deployment, but everything they knew was lost somewhere in the darkest parts of their minds.

Emily finally hit the wall the night before the funeral. She had been restless in bed, tossing and turning as she fret over everything from what she was going to wear to how she was going to keep her mother steady.

She and Alison were in her old room sharing a bed they'd kissed and made out on many times. But there was no heavy action happening in the bedroom now.

Alison's exhaustion had gotten the better of her.

Emily didn't want to wake her so she had slipped out of bed and walked down the stairs towards the kitchen to get something to drink.

She heard soft murmurs coming from the living room.

At first she thought someone was having a hushed conversation.

She heard her mother say her name, so she walked towards the noise.

Flashes of light appeared in the darkened room, where the TV was on.

A lone figure sat on the couch watching old home movies.

She saw an infant-sized version of herself and her smiling father on screen. He was zipping her around in the air like a miniature airplane. She was giggling and laughing.

"You having fun, Emmy?" Her mother's voice came from behind the camera.

More giggles.

"Flight Emily Fields coming in for a landing…" Her dad moved her towards the camera.

The infant-sized Emily was so close to the camera that she could see her chubby red cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes.

"You were five months old here." Her mother said without turning around.

She'd sensed Emily's presence.

Emily walked towards the sofa, stopping at her father's arm chair along the way. She looked at the blanket that was neatly folded over the back of it.

She reached for it. It still smelled like him. She wrapped it around her body and curled up on the couch next to her mom.

Tears filled her eyes.

"He always knew exactly how to make me laugh." Emily smiled a watery smile.

"You puked on him right after I cut the camera." Pam chuckled. "He didn't bat an eye. He was such a good man."

"The best." Emily wanted to cry, but her body was tapped out.

Instead she just sniffed and wiped her nose.

"You have the best parts of him." Her mom pulled her face towards hers, kissing the top of her head.

Emily nuzzled against her mom like she'd done when she was a little girl. Then she laid her head against her lap, face turned towards the old memories of her father.

Memories were all she had left of him now.

Tears flooded her cheeks, but her breathing was soft and even.

She just let the tears run.

Her mother stroked her hair as they watched Emily slowly grow up on screen.

Somewhere around her fifth birthday party, Emily closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

o ~ O ~ o

The morning of the funeral it was raining…a cold drizzle that was bone-chilling. It wasn't quite cold enough for snow, but it was cold enough that the ground was hard and clumpy, a mixture from the misty weather and the plunging temperatures.

Pastor Ted, a well-known philanthropist and someone that all the girls had looked up to in high school led the service with compassion and kindness.

It was poignant, emotional, and beautifully done. It honored the man who had saved over a dozen lives. A loving husband and father. And a hero.

All the nervous energy Emily had in the days leading up to the funeral had completely vanished.

Instead of fidgeting in the pew of the church, Emily sat completely still, eyes straight ahead.

She had grabbed Alison's hand at the start of the service and pulled it into her lap. She hadn't moved since.

She was numb, and she was beyond grateful for it. She remembered learning about brain chemistry in one of her college courses. She had been particularly interested in how the brain played a role when it came to trauma.

All her past trauma had been numbed to a point. It boiled over sometimes in huge ways, but there was a part of the brain that protected itself when it was completely overwhelmed.

When feelings were too horrifying to process and grief and pain collided...everything would shut down, culling all emotions and rendering the rest of the body completely numb and dull to the pain.

It was an odd thing to be thinking about at her father's funeral. She knew that the pain would be back in waves, so she was thankful for the silent reprieve.

The rain had stopped by the time they walked out to the gravesite for the burial. The temperature had dropped even lower. Emily shivered, but Alison knew it wasn't because she was cold.

The brunette and her mother walked together.

Alison trailed behind them.

Mother and daughter sat down in front of the decorated coffin.

Alison stared at the flag draped over the top of it. People in pristine pressed uniforms surrounded them.

All the servicemen saluted as Taps played and the Three-Valley Rifle Salute took place. A line of service members in uniform aimed over the flag-draped casket.

They called out before they fired the blanks into the air, interrupting the bugle player who continued to play.

Three shots.

Three thunderous explosions, shaking every bone in Alison's body.

As Emily watched she thought about the ridiculousness of the ceremony. It made no sense to her. They were honoring a man who was shot and blown up by shooting weapons and blowing up the sky. It seemed barbaric to her.

Everyone watched as two service members approached the flag and lifted it gently.

The service members folded it until it was small enough to present to Pam.

The older woman's keening wails could be heard all the way at the back of the cemetery.

Emily didn't even blink. She reached up and rubbed her mother's back with one hand and clutched her fingers over Pam's other hand, which was resting on the flag.

Emily held it together. She held it together too well. She didn't shed a tear when her father's casket was lowered into the ground.

Alison stroked her hand, but Emily's gaze was straight ahead. Alison knew she was eventually going to come crashing down, and the blonde intended to be there when it happened.

Mourners came up to them and expressed their condolences.

Barry Maple, an officer who had known her father very well shook her hand. Hanna's mother pulled her into a hug and told her she loved her. Ella Montgomery and Veronica Hastings did the same. Spencer's sister Melissa held her hand and expressed her condolences.

A few minutes after Melissa had walked off her ex-fiancé, Wren Kingston came by to offer his sympathies.

He was an odd face to see at the service.

Alison wanted to shout at him to go away. She didn't like the man and she didn't want him near Emily, but she didn't want to make a scene at Wayne's funeral so she seethed silently as Emily listened to Wren's anecdotes.

He had talked about the love he'd seen on her father's face when she was his patient in the hospital when she had an ulcer in high school. He told her to lean on her loved ones.

Alison had to resist telling the creep to go away.

Toby had done it for her. He gave the older man a menacing look and said Emily had to talk to other people "who actually knew her father" and that Wren needed to move.

Alison loved Toby Cavanaugh in that moment.

Emily could barely formulate a response to anyone. She felt like a shell of herself.

She was more animated and talkative when they got back to the house. She was talking to Aria about her book as they were walking up the driveway.

Spencer and Toby were walking behind them, chatting about their lives as well. There seemed to still be a tiny bit of a spark between them.

Hanna and Alison were carrying vases of flowers. There had been so many flowers at the service.

"If I never see another flower again it'll be too soon." Hanna uttered under her breath.

It was a sentiment that Emily shared. She'd whispered it to Hanna when they'd walked into the church, because she knew Hanna wouldn't judge her.

"My nose is going to smell like a Yankee Candle store for the next month." Hanna glanced at Caleb. "Never buy me flowers again."

"Again?" Caleb lifted a curious brow. "When have I ever bought you flowers? You told me you hated flowers and you'd prefer something from Tiffany's."

"Oh. Right." Hanna nodded. "Still waiting on that diamond necklace, by the way."

Alison cracked a smile. Leave it to Hanna Marin to make her laugh after a funeral.

"Hey." Emily caught up to Alison, a soft look on her face. "I can take those from here…"

"You'll do no such thing. This is my sacred duty. Your mother tasked me with this and I intend to follow through." Alison whipped the flowers out of her reach, and Emily laughed softly.

It was one of the first smiles Alison had seen in days.

"So Aria says that once her book hits the shelves they're projecting it to take off pretty fast. She said you two were already talking movie deals." Emily matched Alison's pace.

Alison knew Emily was desperately seeking conversation that didn't involve her father. She was avoiding her feelings.

"Yeah. It's why I've been promoting it so heavily."

"I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but it sounds like it's amazing."

"It is." Alison had read it cover to cover four times.

Emily reached out and gripped Alison's arm lightly, pulling her aside. Everyone else was having their own conversations.

"I couldn't have gotten through today without you." Emily pressed her lips into a thin line.

It wasn't just today that Emily was going to need help with. It was the days and months going forward, and Alison knew that.

"I'm always here for you." Alison shifted the flowers in her hands.

Emily smiled.

"I know." She watched as their friends walked up on to the front porch. "We're talking about going out to get something to eat in a bit."

"Are you up for that?"

"I think so. If one more person comes up to me and tells me that my father is in God's hands or that this was some kind of fucked up Heavenly plan I'm going to start hitting people. Plus…I don't think I can eat grief comfort food right now. I just want something from The Grille. I need a few hours to feel normal…if that makes sense." Emily's eyes glazed over, and for a moment it looked like she might cry.

She hadn't cried at all at the funeral. She still hadn't processed it.

"Okay. Whatever you need." Alison balanced the flowers as she climbed the steps. "I'm going to put these in the living room and see if your mother needs any help with anything else and then we'll go."

They piled into the house, which was packed with people.

Emily's mom was surrounded by her friends. Emily was surrounded by her own.

Before they left Emily made sure her mother was okay with it. Pam told her to go. She knew Emily needed to breathe.

Before Emily could make her great escape some lanky wide-eyed woman who used to go to church with her mother came rushing over to hug her and offer condolences.

"Your father was a wonderful man. I know he loved you to pieces. I hope it's a comfort to know he's with our Lord and Savior…"

Emily felt a molten ball of anger spilling over inside of her stomach. She clutched her hand into a fist and opened her mouth to give the woman an earful about how her stupid Jesus made no sense, but she felt a calming hand on her shoulder.

Emily glanced back and saw a pair of soft understanding eyes.

Spencer had come to her aid.

"Ready, Em?" Spencer asked. She sneered at the woman, considering saying exactly what Emily was thinking, but instead of making a scene she just shot her a catty smile. "Hey Jean, I need to borrow her."

"Of course! Of course." The woman nodded.

Watching her walk away did not ease Emily's tension.

"Coming from someone who once leaped over a Decathlon table and tried to strangle Mona…I should tell you that violence is never the answer…" Spencer watched the woman fall all over herself in tears next to Pam, "But in some cases with vultures and leeches it should be justified and I wouldn't judge you." It earned a sardonic laugh from Emily. "You okay?"

"Get me the fuck out of here." Emily whispered to her friend, reaching for her hand.

She felt completely overwhelmed with the amount of grief in the house.

"We've got you." Spencer squeezed her fingers.

Hanna walked up behind them. She helped Spencer shuffle through the crowd to get Emily away.

"We'll be back soon." Spencer touched Emily's mother's shoulder as they walked by.

"Just take care of my baby." The tears in her eyes radiated a level of pain that Spencer could barely tolerate.

"We will." We always have. Her expression spoke volumes.

Her gaze drifted over towards Emily, who mouthed 'thank you' from across the room.

Spencer made her way over to her friends and they managed to get out of the house without anyone else reaching for Emily.

Alison and Emily rode with Spencer and Toby. Aria, Caleb, and Hanna followed.

The Grille was a reprieve for all of them. The second they walked in the feeling of nostalgia hit them.

They had frequented the place when they were in high school. They even managed to snag a seat at their old booth.

"This place hasn't changed at all." Emily looked around at all the neon signs.

"Not even the menu…" Alison picked up a laminated copy of the menu that was sitting in front of her. "You'd think they'd add some vegetarian or dairy-free options."

A man in scrubs walked by them. At first no one recognized him, because two hours ago he'd been in a suit at Wayne's funeral.

"Is that Wren?" Toby bristled. He subconsciously moved closer to Spencer.

It was oddly territorial and protective, but it was in Toby's nature.

Wren had preyed on Spencer when she was sixteen. Toby didn't like him, even though Spencer said he'd apologized for his inappropriate actions.

Wren spotted them and waved.

A flash of sympathy crossed his face when he looked at Emily.

"I swear I'm not following you." He attempted to break the ice with a soft smile.

The British accent used to fool the girls into his charm, but they had gotten older and wiser. Even so, Wren didn't seem to be interested in them.

We aged out of being girlfriend material. Alison thought hatefully. Asshole is probably cruising playgrounds looking for his next victim.

A moment of silence permeated the air. The sounds of other patrons scraping their plates and chattering filled the air.

Wren shifted awkwardly on his feet.

Emily wasn't sure what to say. He didn't exactly belong in the situation. He seemed to know that, but he pressed anyway.

"You on your way to work?" Spencer toyed with her menu, barely casting a glance his way.

"Yes. I'm on shift in a bit. Was feeling a bit peckish. Just picking up a to-go order." He looked over at the counter. Then he looked at Emily again. "Lovely service today. I know you're probably tired of hearing sympathies that do nothing to ease the pain you're feeling, but I would like you to know that from the bottom of my heart I truly am sorry about your father. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. I've lost both of mine." He had a solemn expression in his eyes.

"I didn't know that." Emily didn't know what else to say. She knew I'm sorry didn't help.

"It can be quite devastating. I wasn't particularly close with my family, but it still leaves a void. And with your father…I know how close the two of you were. Having only met him a few times it was apparent to me how much he loved you. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. It's easy to get overwhelmed. If you need anything while you're here just let me know."

"Thanks, but we've got it covered." Hanna's tone indicated her irritation. She might as well have told him to sod off .

When Emily looked into his eyes there was something odd in them. Like a distant grief, but a hint of relief. She didn't know much about his parents or how they died, but she could still see the way he carried it. She wondered if she would look like that for the rest of her life.

She also recognized something else in him, something she couldn't quite place.

When he looked Spencer's way, Toby glared at him and threw his arm around her shoulder as if to say stay the hell away.

Wren had helped them when they were younger. He had kept the details of Emily being drugged with HGH from her family and the school board. He had helped Hanna fight to keep Mona in town when the Radley wanted to transfer her. He'd come to Hanna's aid after she'd suffered a cut that needed stitches.

He'd done a lot for them. But that didn't erase the insidious behavior. It didn't take away the fact that in his twenties he had pursued 16-year-old Spencer. He had gotten her drunk. He had showed up and professed his love to her. He had also had a brief kiss with Hanna that he'd been interested to explore. Fortunately, Hanna had shut it down.

No matter how much good the man had done…he was still a pervert. And everyone sitting there knew it.

Even Wren seemed to know it.

"Kingston!" Someone called from behind the counter.

A peculiar smile tugged at his lips, him sensing the tension and feeling the relief of being called away.

"Right. That's me. You lot take care of yourself." He shuffled over to grab his doggy bag.

"Same food. Same creepy older men. Same Rosewood." Spencer broke the silence with a sardonic quip. She immediately faced Aria. "Sorry. That was insensitive."

"No. You're right." Aria didn't argue. "At least Ezra had sense enough to steer far away from us."

"Yeah…about that…" Toby ran his fingers through his hair. "I may have told him he wasn't allowed anywhere near any of you. Told him not even to send flowers." He looked at Emily. "Hope that wasn't overstepping."

"Did you punch him?" Emily asked.

"Wanted to." He shrugged.

"Hmm. Missed opportunity." Caleb shook his head.

"I'm glad that we're in a place where we can see just how gross the men in this town truly are." Hanna smiled grimly. "At least Wilden, Garrett, and Ian had the decency to die."

The second she said it she clammed up and her eyes darted to Emily.

They were getting so comfortable in their routine that for a brief moment the blonde forgot why they were there.

To Hanna's surprise, Emily didn't look upset.

Instead, she was laughing. Full on belly laughing with tears brimming her eyes.

"I think you broke her." Aria poked Hanna's arm.

Emily held her hands up and waved them as she laughed.

"No. It's fine. I'm fine. It was just really…" She struggled to control her laughter. "It was just unexpected. The world sucks and good people die, but at least the shitty people get wiped out, too. All the torture we endured in high school…and there was one thing Mona and Charlotte got right. Jailhouse justice for creepy perverts." She wiped her tears from her eyes and reached for her menu.

Everyone at the table stared cautiously at her, like they were expecting her tears of joy to turn sour in an instant.

Alison reached for her hand.

"Thank you, Hanna." Emily smiled. "This is the first time I've felt normal since I got here."

Getting out of the house gave her the breathing space she needed.

They all fell back on old habits, ordering their favorites.

Only Emily deviated from her old order. She got a burger loaded with almost everything offered. It was her dad's favorite. She wanted to honor him by keeping his memory alive.

She managed to finish half of it before her stomach started threatening her, nausea setting in telling her not to eat another bite unless she wanted to puke.

"You remember that time you were trying to use my food as a prop to explain something to us?" Hanna looked over the booth at Spencer.

"You almost bit my fingers off." Spencer chuckled.

"I don't share food." Hanna scooped a forkful of her grilled chicken salad into her mouth.

"You only steal it from others." Caleb poked her in the ribs. She'd been snatching his fries since his plate had arrived. "If you wanted fries you should have ordered fries."

"I only wanted a few."

"You ate half of them." Aria pointed out.

"They taste better coming from his plate." Hanna shrugged.

Emily stared at her burger, thinking about her dad and the time that he'd made a bet with her that he could finish it in five minutes. She was only seven at the time, and the burger looked intimidating to her at that age.

She'd been amazed after he finished it. Her mother hadn't been amused of the mess he'd made, but she'd still smiled and looked at him like he was the most amazing human being on the planet.

"How's your burger?" Alison asked.

Emily plucked herself out of her memories.

"Really good. But I think I'm going to need a to-go box." Her eyes were misty, but the tears were stubborn.

Alison squeezed her thigh beneath the table and Emily smiled sadly at her. She was on the brink of collapse, and the blonde knew it. She just didn't want to cry in front of their friends.

It was only later that night after Emily had showered and joined Alison in the bedroom that the dam broke.

She had curled in bed with the blonde and kissed her, stroking her face. Her eyes were filled with an intensity that Alison had seen building all day.

"I'm so glad I have you." Her heated breath blew against Alison's face.

"How are you doing?" Alison already knew the answer, but she asked anyway.

"I'm okay." She faked a smile.

Alison shook her head and slowly sat up against the headboard. Emily stared up at her, staying curled on her side.

Alison started to stroke her hair in a similar manner that her mother had done only twenty-four hours ago.

It triggered something in her brain.

"Flight Emily Fields coming in for a landing."

Her little giggles.

"Em…" Alison whispered quietly. "It's okay. It's just us."

She knew Emily didn't need permission to cry, but she wanted to hear it.

Alison's words seemed to crack something inside of the brunette.

She nodded with teary eyes.

"He's really gone." Emily choked out.

Emily wrapped her arms around Alison's waist and moved her head into Alison's lap. And she let go of everything she'd been holding in since the funeral.

She clung to Alison the same way Alison had clung to her every time she needed a safe place to land. Alison would never forget the way she'd reached for Emily after her mom died…and Emily had automatically known what to do.

Alison had cried herself to sleep that day.

Emily did the same.

Alison laid awake with the brunette's limp body laid across her own.

She laid still for nearly two hours, when Emily gently rolled over in her sleep and buried her face in her pillow.

Alison stroked her hair, which was still damp from her shower and leaned over to kiss her temple.

She reached for her phone to see what time it was and saw that she had three missed calls.

All from an unknown number. It was unsettling, especially given they were in Rosewood…where the calls were originating from.

She'd tried to call her brother again, but he still hadn't answered. They had driven by the house that afternoon to check for signs of life, but no one was home.

She couldn't figure out if Jason was avoiding her or if he was dead. Either way, she was pissed at him.

It was 10:07. The calls had all come in the last hour.

Emily stirred beside her, and for a moment Alison was worried she'd woken her up. But when she looked over the brunette's eyes were still closed.

After she was certain Emily wasn't going to wake up she slipped out of bed and quietly paced the room.

She stared at her phone for nearly three minutes as her feet dragged on the carpet underneath her.

She was afraid that if she kept it up she would interrupt the only peaceful moment Emily had had since she heard about her dad.

She quietly walked out into the hallway. She wasn't sure where to go, but she assumed the kitchen would be a safe spot. Far enough away that she wouldn't wake Emily, but close enough so that if Emily needed her she could be there.

She thought she would be alone, but she saw the light on and heard noises echoing as she approached.

She stopped when she rounded the corner.

"Hey." Alison paused when she saw Toby moving around the table.

She was certain everyone had already left, but there Toby Cavanaugh stood holding a tea kettle.

Two cups with tea bags in them were sitting on the table.

"Surprised you didn't leave with Spencer." Alison walked over to the table.

"We're having breakfast tomorrow morning." Toby tipped the kettle forward and hot steam poured out as he filled the cups up with water.

"What are you still doing here?" Alison questioned curiously.

"Pam and I were talking."

It was so weird to hear Toby call Pam by her first name. When they were teenagers the older woman had been wary of Toby, but now they were like best friends.

They were a strange pairing, but Alison wasn't going to question it. She knew they filled a void in one another's lives. A boy without a mother and a mother whose child was 3000 miles away.

"I was getting ready to leave when I heard you rustling around upstairs. I had a feeling you were going to need this." Toby sat down at the table, eyeing the chair across from him, nodding for Alison to sit down.

She sat.

Her phone lit up showing the missed calls again. She sneered at the unknown number.

"Thought you loved your adoring public." Toby pushed the mug of tea in front of her.

Alison took it. She didn't drink it. She just held it to warm her hands up. She missed the California sun.

"It's not a fan." She laid her phone face down on the table.

She didn't feel like dealing with what might be her demented sister at the moment.

"Ah…a troll then?" Toby asked.

Alison couldn't help but laugh. She pictured Charlotte lurking beneath a bridge and cackling like a witch.

"Something like that."

"It can't be that bad." Toby tried to keep up, though he was terrible at small talk with her. "Is there really such a thing as bad publicity in the Influencer game? A hate follow is still a follow." He flattened his hands out against the kitchen table.

"How do you know about hate followers? Do you hate follow me?" Alison teased.

"I don't hate you." Toby drew his long calloused fingers up and cupped the tea in his hand. He looked so out of place that it was comical. "And I don't do social media much."

"Yeah, well…hate follows are part of the gimmick, but to be honest it brings back bad memories for me." Alison responded without missing a beat.

"Ah." Toby shrank down in his chair. "Sorry. Not easy being back, I take it?"

"No. But I'm not here for me." Alison replied.

There was a beat of silence.

"How is she?" he asked.

"She finally crashed." An emotional wave threatened to drag Alison under, but she fought it.

"Losing a parent is fucked up." He was blunt and to the point.

Alison nodded in sympathy.

They'd both lost their mothers. In a way, sometimes Alison wondered if her mother's death had been karma for making fun of Toby's mom when she was depressed when they were kids.

"It's going to be a rough road." Toby steeped his tea.

Alison almost burst out laughing at the sight of it. It felt so peculiar to see him acting like a mother hen. Then again, it wasn't a surprise. He'd always had a soft spot for Emily. He would do anything to make her happy.

"I know." Alison breathed out a quiet response. "But I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded in approval.

"All that matters is that she's taken care of."

Alison stared at the man across the table from her, so different from the boy she'd tortured when they were younger.

He had really come into his own over the past three years. But she could still see the scars that he carried. Some of them inflicted upon him by her.

She looked into his eyes. They were full of sensitivity and wisdom beyond his years. He'd been forced to grow up too fast.

Part of that was her fault.

Before she'd pinned an explosion that blinded his step-sister on him he'd just been a regular kid. She had derailed the trajectory of his life by throwing a firecracker into a garage when Toby and his step-sister were in it.

It didn't matter that he'd gone along with it to escape the sexual abuse, which she didn't know was abuse at the time. She just assumed they were step-siblings doing taboo shit.

That was her problem. She assumed things. She didn't think about others back then.

"I'm sorry." She blurted out before she could stop herself.

"For taking care of her?" Confusion washed across his face.

"No. I'm sorry for everything I did to you when we were younger. I never apologized to you." Alison stared down into her cup of tea.

"And…that's where your mind is right now?" He asked curiously.

"That's where my mind always is. I feel terrible for the way I acted…for the things I did. Especially the things I said about your mother." She still felt bad about that, because Toby really seemed to love his mom. "We love our parents unconditionally. If these past few days have taught me anything they have taught me that. I didn't understand the gravity of what your mother was going through. I didn't understand the gravity of what you were going through. And I didn't understand why you loved her when I barely tolerated my own mom. And I took that out on yours. I never should have done that. It was a bitch move."

He rubbed the stubble on his chin, pondering something in thought. He seemed to be trying to figure out what to say.

"You were terrible…"

"Yeah, I wouldn't forgive me either." Her eyes dropped to her tea again.

"You didn't let me finish." He called for her attention. She glanced up at him. "You were terrible. But you aren't that girl anymore. And I know that because I know Emily. She wouldn't be with you right now if you hadn't shown her you are worth it. And you are. You need to stop thinking you don't deserve her. Because you do."

That was finally what broke her.

Emotions welled in her chest. A sob tore through her throat.

She had been suppressing her own feelings since the moment she'd watched Emily crumble. She hadn't allowed herself to feel a damn thing. And for some reason it was Toby's acceptance that sent her feelings on a collision course.

So she sat in the Fields' kitchen and cried while Toby Cavanaugh, of all people, comforted her. She let him wrap her up in his big burly arms as she sobbed like a baby. She let her tears drench his shirt. She listened to his comforting encouraging words...telling her to let it out.

When she finally settled down she drank his tea.

Then she cried again.

---

A/N: I know we're in the doom and gloom portion of the story, but I promise it gets lighter.

At the very least I hope people enjoyed the scenes with all our favorite Liars (and their partners).

Tell me what you're thinking. Reviews motivate.