Seasons of Love

by Forever without him

When Alison DiLaurentis is thrust into a world of choices between obligation & loyalty she makes an impossible decision. After spending three years without Emily Fields, she sets out to prove to the brunette that she's worth loving. As looming threats from their past emerge and an unexpected tragedy unfolds, they learn to lean on one another. Canon-Divergent. Rating may change.

17. Back to December

A/N: Let's gooooo. This one was kind of a fun edit for me, because I got to take liberties with these characters and follow up with some things that we never saw in the show. Hope you enjoy.

Rating gets a little Not-T-rated in some parts of this one. Skirts M-territory.

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Chapter 16:

Back to December

Surprisingly they got through Christmas without any calls or texts from the unknown number. Alison assumed she'd actually gotten through to Jason. She had no idea about Emily's visit to her sister.

There was only one person who knew about Emily's visit. She had clipped the audio where Charlotte confessed to killing Jessica and sent it to Caleb for safekeeping.

She had watched his reaction on FaceTime when he listened to it. Hearing it back, Emily realized how nonchalant Charlotte had been about the whole thing. She had showed absolutely no remorse.

Emily knew Charlotte was a sociopath, but knowing it and seeing it in her eyes were two very different things. It was downright eerie to see the switch flip...to see no flicker of humanity in her whatsoever. Her eyes were chilling. The entire mood in the room had shifted. Emily was certain the air had gotten colder.

Caleb rubbed his fingers through his hair, the phone shaking in his hand. Cheese was sitting on his lap looking up at him in concern. Emily could hear the cat purring through the speaker.

"Holy shit." He dragged his hand down over his mouth and tugged at his chin.

"Yeah. I know." Emily felt the same twist of nausea she'd felt when Charlotte first said it. She'd always believed Charlotte was involved with Jessica's death, but hearing it was wild. "If anything happens to me…"

"I'll blast her ass all over the internet." He understood. He always understood. "But nothing better happen to you."

He scowled at her from her screen.

"I'll be okay." Emily rubbed her eyes. "I know it's not exactly legal evidence and it's not admissible in court, but if we did send it to the authorities I think it would be enough to get them to take a much closer look at Jessica DiLaurentis's cold case. I think Charlotte knows that, too."

"You think she'll stop?" He reached down to pet his cat, who accepted the pats quite happily.

"I think Charlotte has always looked out for Charlotte first and foremost. And I'm hoping that will be the case here." Emily's gaze drifted away from the camera.

Caleb furrowed his brows at the screen.

"This isn't the full audio, is it?" He was able to see right through her.

"No. I said a lot of horrible things to her I'm not proud of." Emily peered at the floor, regret seeping off of her.

"It's probably nicer than anything I would have said to her." Caleb's eyes darkened, an angry fire behind them. "Hanna, too. She talks about taking a baseball bat and a flamethrower to her face sometimes."

There was a laugh somewhere deep beneath the surface, but Emily couldn't muster it. She still felt sick about saying such cruel things…even to someone who deserved no sympathy.

"I feel so bad…"

"You shouldn't." He cut her off. "She's a monster. She doesn't regret anything she ever did to you all."

"That's the difference between me and Charlotte. I feel remorse. I care…even though I shouldn't. I sank to her level." She started wringing her hands together.

"You did what you had to do in order to protect Alison." Caleb's response was surprisingly soft, filled with empathy.

"Caleb, I told a suicidal woman that her sister hates her and that her brother is only visiting her out of obligation." Hearing it out loud again made her recoil from herself.

"Alison does hate Charlotte. She tells Hanna a dozen times a day." He didn't seem fazed. "And Jason is doing it out of a sense of duty. You just told her the truth. She probably already knew it. She was just mad that you called it out. If anyone was going to confront her…she's lucky it was you. I don't think any of the other girls would have walked away without initiating physical violence against her."

"Spencer wouldn't risk her mother's career." Emily pointed out.

"Take her mother's career out of the equation and Spencer Hastings would do anything in the world to protect you all." Caleb smiled. "Remember what she did to Mona at the debate in high school? There is still video floating around somewhere of Spencer leaping over the table screaming at Mona to die while strangling her."

"Yeah." That had startled all of Spencer's friends because she had been acting so out of character. Looking back, Emily regretted that she didn't see how far Spencer was spiraling. "I'm surprised that never came out in the campaign, to be honest."

"I'm sure it was talked about, but Spencer was a minor at the time going through a mental health crisis. They probably couldn't use it in a smear against Veronica." Caleb scratched Cheese between the ears.

"Spencer probably did everything she could to keep our past from hurting her mother's campaign. You're right. She's nothing if not protective." Emily couldn't picture Spencer in a room with Charlotte without Spencer tearing into her.

When pushed to her limits Spencer didn't hold back. Of course, Mona had deserved the lashing, but it further deteriorated Spencer's reputation. All of the other girls probably would have ripped into Charlotte. Even so, Emily was struggling with the things she'd said in that room.

Caleb didn't miss a beat.

"Emily, you can't even look me in the eyes about this. You know Alison is going to figure out something is up with you sooner or later. You have to talk to her."

It was so very annoyingly true…and he sounded more like Hanna than he sounded like himself. After all, they were conspiring together without their partners knowing.

"I know. I'm going to say something soon." Emily sighed.

"Are you going to tell her about her mom?" He shifted on the sofa and Cheese let out a grunt of protest.

"I'm struggling with that. I think on some level she knows. But if I tell her it will make it real. It's going to hurt her. And I don't want to hurt her."

"Take it from a kid who never got straight answers from his parents…she needs to know." His eyes grew distant, and for a split second his traumatic childhood was on full display.

When she looked at him she saw the same boy from high school who had fiercely protected his loved ones.

She saw the boy who had taken a bullet for her and saved her life.

Before Emily could respond there was a noise behind him and a door opened up. Hanna walked in carrying a hang-up bag that had at least a dozen outfits inside.

Cheese meowed in greeting, moving from his position in Caleb's lap.

"Who are you talking to?" Hanna walked into the frame. "Oh. Hey, Em." She smiled.

"Hanna, hi." Emily's stomach felt like it was a bundle of nerves. She couldn't fool Hanna Marin. "We were just…"

Hanna dramatically whipped up her free hand, her palm facing the camera.

"I know what you two are doing. Caleb told me."

Emily's jaw fell open in shock.

"Caleb!"

He gave her a sheepish shrug.

"It's fine. I don't care. I hope you raked Charlotte's ass over the coals. Tell me all about it." Hanna hung the bag up on a rack and took Caleb's phone from him.

"Why aren't you pissed off?" Emily eyed her suspiciously.

"I mean…why would I be pissed off? Colluding with you is better than him doing something crazy like having an affair…" Her eyes darted to Caleb, "…though I know he never would." She looked at Emily again. "Plus, I think it's about time that Charlotte gets a taste of revenge…"

"This wasn't about revenge." Emily shook her head. "This was about getting her out of our lives for good."

"Pity. I would have taken the revenge angle." Hanna shrugged. Her bubbly expression faded into a curious look. "How are you doing? Are you okay? I'm sure it wasn't easy seeing her again."

Emily sighed. She did not want to talk to anyone else about this before she talked to Alison, but she knew Hanna wouldn't let up. She was like a dog with a bone.

"I was so nervous I thought I was going to barf. But then I saw her and all I felt was anger. I had these flashes of what she'd done to us…" Emily rubbed her eyes. "I thought about how to level the playing field and get her to back off."

"And did you?"

"Yes, I think so. I got a recording of our conversation and she said some incriminating stuff." She didn't go into detail. She wasn't going to tell Hanna about Alison's mother.

Alison deserved to hear it first. Emily knew Caleb wouldn't tell Hanna something that personal until she said it was okay. That's the first thing she'd told him when he picked up the call. Then again he'd promised not to tell Hanna that she was going to see Charlotte. But she trusted the kid from the broken home not to cross the line about parental issues.

"Good." Hanna looked satisfied. "Did you punch her?"

"Thought that might draw a little too much unwanted attention." She chuckled. "Hey, you didn't tell Spencer, Aria, and Mona about this, did you?"

"No. Caleb said I wasn't allowed to. Said something about never asking for my hand in marriage if I betray him or something like that…"

Thank God for Caleb Rivers.

"Speaking of engagements, the girls want to FaceTime tonight." Hanna chattered. "Aria and Liam are going to Brazil for the New Year. Part of it is to celebrate their engagement, but their workaholic boss is making part of it about work. Something about expanding a fan base for the books in South America. Aria wants to talk to us before she goes."

"Sure. Do you know what time?" Emily missed having all of her friends in the same town. It was nice to talk on the phone and video chat, but it was nothing like them hanging out in the same room together.

"Aria said she's flexible." Hanna sat down.

Cheese shoved his big orange head halfway into the camera frame, and Emily couldn't help but laugh. Of all the things she pictured Hanna doing in her future, adopting a rogue stray cat was not one of them.

"Alison has a video call with her agent to wrap a few things up before we head out for the Poconos tomorrow morning. I'll find out what works for her."

"You going to tell her what you and Caleb have been up to?" Hanna's tone wasn't accusatory, but curious.

"At some point. I'm going to try and do it before the New Year. I don't want to start next year off with secrets."

"Good luck."

"Yeah. Happy fucking New Year to me." She muttered darkly.

"She can take it. We both know she's tougher than she looks." Hanna smiled in encouragement.

In some ways…

But not always. Emotions were difficult for Alison. Vulnerabilities were difficult for her. Her family was a soft spot. Her unresolved issues with her mother cut her deeply. Finding out that Charlotte was the person who had killed her and buried her and sent the video of the burial to her…it was likely to break her.

On top of all that, Emily wasn't sure how Alison was going to react to the fact that she'd gone to visit Charlotte without telling her. It was a breach of trust. She felt worse about that than she felt about her conversation with Charlotte.

She hadn't been able to eat much since their talk and she'd been jittery. Her mother and Alison both assumed it was from grief. It was truthfully part of it. She missed her dad so much. The first Christmas without him was hard.

"You okay?" Hanna saw the hard lines in Emily's forehead.

"I'm okay."

Hanna scrutinized Emily's expression.

"Fine. I'm not going to force you to talk, but if you want to talk, I'm here. Or you know…whatever sensitive shit I'm supposed to say right now." She reached for something off-screen.

Emily laughed.

"I was just thinking about my dad."

Hanna nodded in sympathy. She'd lost her dad. Only in a different way. Her father had abandoned her. She knew the nuances of instability. It wasn't the same as Emily's father's death, but it was still a loss.

"Love you." Hanna knew she couldn't say anything that would make her feel better.

All she could do was support her.

"You too."

After their call ended Emily started rooting around in her things, looking for treasured memories with her father. She found several pictures and little gifts he had given her over the years.

She found a stuffed moose he'd given her in the hospital when she was four. She'd gotten dehydrated from having the flu and had to stay the night. She'd been so scared. But he'd showed up with the moose, whom she named "Chocolate". He told her that moose were one of the toughest animals on the planet and that he would protect her.

"A big brave moose for my big brave baby girl." He'd kissed the tip of her nose.

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you, too, Emmy."

She had hugged that little stuffed moose with all of her might the entire time she was in the hospital.

She reminisced with her mother about her dad that evening while Alison was on the phone with her agent.

"I remember when he brought those cheesy holiday penguins home and you were so excited you named them on the spot." Pam held a mug of hot cocoa in her hands.

She'd made three cups. The marshmallows in Alison's had yet to be disturbed. Emily knew the call wouldn't last long, so she'd be down in time to enjoy it.

Emily was sitting with her mom, both of them in their warm flannel pajamas and thick fuzzy socks.

"Pingy and Wingy. I was so serious about them. I thought they were part of the family." Emily held her own mug of cocoa, blowing on it to cool it down.

"They did kind of become family. They'll be yours one day." Pam leaned back in her chair.

"But not for a long time." Emily gave her a stern look.

Her mother reached across the table and put her hand on top of Emily's.

"I'm not going anywhere, Emmy."

It was a promise they both knew Pam couldn't entirely keep, but Emily knew she would do her best.

Emily smiled, but there was a heavy sadness in her eyes.

"Remember when we were making Gingerbread Men for my school and he ate half of the batter?" Emily asked.

Pam clucked her tongue and then laughed.

"I was so mad at him that I threw a spatula at him and told him he was in charge of the two hundred cookies your school needed." It wasn't often that Pam let someone else take over in the kitchen, but she had been so tired and so irritated that she let her husband have free rein that night.

"He stayed up until three in the morning." Emily had learned that a few days later when she overheard them talking about it.

"He left the oven on overnight. I was furious. He's usually much more guarded about double checking things, but he got so caught up in decorating the cookies that he let it slip." Her mother traced the tips of her fingers around the edge of her mug. "Fortunately it was electric and nothing was in it."

"Those cookies tasted like cardboard and looked like demented clowns with missing limbs. But I ate them anyway." Emily glanced at the new oven that had replaced that old oven five years ago. "I was really proud of him."

"I was, too." Pam smiled.

Pam's phone jumped to life on the table, buzzing and lighting up.

"Ah…" She reached for it. "It's your aunt. She always gets sentimental this time of year."

Emily never talked to her aunt, not that she disliked her. They just weren't close. Pam only talked to her a few times a year.

"You mean she gets drunk and calls you and cries for half an hour about Grandma?" Emily understood the sentiment now.

She knew what it was like to lose a parent. She'd buried herself in alcohol and cried a lot, too.

"She's very melodramatic." Pam glanced at the screen.

"But not entirely wrong to feel the way she feels." Emily smiled. "Tell her I said hello."

Her mother stood up, phone in hand. She gave Emily's shoulder a gentle squeeze and then smiled before answering the phone. She walked out of the kitchen.

Emily listened as her mom's voice slowly faded as Pam walked up the steps.

She looked around the kitchen, her eyes landing on the countertops that had been filled with scary looking Gingerbread Men years ago. She remembered helping her dad in the beginning. She wanted to help him make them all, but the baking had gone on well past her bedtime. Her mother had read her a bedtime story and she fell asleep to the aroma of Gingerbread floating through the air.

Her father's memory was still alive and well in the walls of her house.

Emily picked up her cocoa and the identical mug for Alison and walked into the living room.

She sat down on the couch, pulling out two coasters…

So very Pam Fields of me.

She put the cocoa down and turned the TV on. She picked up her mug and sipped her warm cozy drink.

She was flipping through the channels searching for something to watch when she was interrupted by soft footsteps padding towards her.

Alison walked into the living room beaming from ear to ear. She was wearing silk pajamas, a matching long sleeved shirt and pajama bottoms.

"I'm guessing the chat with your agent went well?" Emily sat her hot cocoa down on the coaster next to Alison's waiting glass.

Alison leaned over the back of the couch and pecked her lips. Emily pat the cushion next to her and Alison walked around and fell back against the couch with a smile.

"So well." The blonde cozied up to Emily. "I have a meeting with the director set up for when we get back."

"That's amazing!" Emily was genuinely thrilled for her, despite the fact that she'd been running around behind Alison's back doing things in the shadows.

She was trying not to think about the fact that she was sitting on a powder keg of secrets that was set to explode and suck the joy out of the woman she loved.

"People are already going gaga over it." Alison pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed Emily a selfie she had posted of herself.

She was staring into the camera with her pointer finger over her lips, winking and shushing the audience. It was captioned, "Got a secret. I can't keep it…I'll be gracing your screens in a brand new role soon."

Max's comment was the top comment.

OMG! So excited for you!

He'd followed it up with three hearts.

There were a lot of other encouraging responses,

So beautiful and talented! Hermosa!

You are MOTHER!

Can't wait to see it!

Can you tell us more!? I'm dying!

I've been following you since the very beginning. Ilysm!

Does the Queen respond?

You're my favorite!

"I was afraid to post at first, because I'm sure Charlotte has her minion keeping tabs on me…"

Emily froze. Fortunately, Alison was used to her clamming up when Charlotte's name came into the conversation. She had no idea Emily had another reason to be jumpy.

"…but I thought I'd risk it. She hasn't called or texted all week." Alison scrolled through her comments, completely oblivious to the guilty look on Emily's face. "I feel like it might be over. I think my dumb oaf of a brother came through for me."

"Yeah." Emily wavered in uncertainty. "Listen, about that…"

"Oh! We have that FaceTime with the girls!" Alison noticed the time. "I can't believe Aria and Liam get to go to Brazil. I want to go to Brazil."

"Yeah." Emily reached for her cocoa, cupping the mug in her hand. "Compared to Brazil, the Poconos seem dull." She rubbed her arm, a bout of insecurity washing over her.

She wished she had lavish means to travel abroad. Alison was making a bit more money now, but they were far from Sweet Paris bound.

"Oh, Em…I didn't mean it like that. I'm really excited about our little retreat. It'll be nice to de-stress. I have a feeling it's the last good night's rest I'm going to get for a while. I'm going to be really busy when we go back to California." She smiled.

Her smile was so intense that it could kill Emily and bring her back to life in the same second.

"Not sure how much rest we're going to be doing." Emily hinted with a cheeky flirtatious wink.

"Naughty." Alison poked her in the ribs.

You have no idea how naughty…

"I'm glad the calls and the texts have stopped." Emily tried to shift gears and segue into the fact that she had gone to Welby. "I…"

Alison's phone buzzed, interrupting the brunette.

"Oh, it's Aria!" Alison wiggled on the couch in excitement.

She loved that the girls included her now. She was slowly rebuilding the trust she'd demolished in high school. Aria had been the most receptive. Hanna really seemed to care about her, too. Spencer was a bit harder to read, but that was only because she was a Hastings. And they concealed their emotions...except for when they were leaping over tables and strangling classmates.

Emily motioned for her to answer.

The brunette was glad that they were all making the time to talk to each other. Sometimes she missed the intimacy of their friendship. She missed late night sleepovers and early morning coffees.

She certainly didn't miss the torture they went through though.

Alison answered with a big grin on her face. It was so endearing to see her so happy.

Alison saw Emily watching her and her lip twitched.

Every time she caught Emily looking at her when she was in a state of bliss Alison would get a little crinkle above her left eye and she'd furrow her brow in confusion, like she couldn't possibly comprehend what Emily saw in her.

When Alison looked back at her like a confused puppy…Emily melted. She couldn't help but stare at her. She loved seeing her shine. There was nothing better than Alison DiLaurentis smiling at her.

Emily wanted that happiness to last. She didn't want to think about the bombshell she was going to have to drop on her sooner or later.

Alison turned towards the screen and answered, brightly saying her hellos.

Emily felt the blonde nudge her knee to get her to join the conversation.

"Hey, how was everyone's holiday?" Emily knew if she could get them talking she would have to talk considerably less.

The guilt from what she'd done was eating away at her.

"Caleb's estranged parents in the same room…with alcohol. Enough said." Hanna's camera was featured on the screen.

Her phone was docked and she was standing a few feet away steaming out a bright red cocktail dress.

"Yikes." Alison bit her lip.

Despite spending his childhood in foster care, both of Caleb's parents had come back into his life when he was in high school.

His mother was remarried and living on the west coast with Caleb's two younger half-brothers. It had been a lot for him to stomach at first. It hurt him deeply that his mother started a whole new life after throwing him out like garbage. But then he met his little brothers and reconnected with his mom.

His dad had drifted into Rosewood and gotten to know Caleb as his "uncle". He'd been in and out of his life ever since he'd told Caleb the truth about who he really was.

His parents did not get along.

"Whose idea was it to have them under one roof?" Aria's face came on screen, replacing Hanna's for a brief moment.

It cut back to Hanna when she answered.

"Theirs. They both wanted to see him and insisted they would behave like grown-ups." She rolled her eyes. "I ended up hiding in the bathroom with my wine and eating ham with my cat while Caleb tried to pry them apart."

"Sounds like a typical old fashion DiLaurentis Christmas." It wasn't the holidays unless her parents were throwing wine glasses at each other. "Minus the cat." The blonde's gaze drifted over to Emily. "I like the Fields Holiday celebrations more. I think this year is the first year I had a peaceful holiday."

And that's because her family hadn't been involved. Her father wasn't around to be a blowhard and her mother wasn't around to get drunk and belligerent and scream at him. For the longest time, Alison didn't know what normal people did on the holidays. She missed her mother, but she also knew it would not have been a pleasant holiday in her household.

"I hope everyone else fared better than Caleb and I did." Hanna grimaced. "Spence? Aria?"

"Almost ended up spending Christmas in an airport terminal." Spencer didn't miss a beat. "Mom and I were trying to fly in to meet my dad and Melissa at a resort in Vermont, but there were weather delays. We made it though."

"How is Melissa?" Alison asked.

"Annoying." Spencer uttered under her breath.

Spencer and her sister had a very competitive relationship.

"Your dad made you play High-Low, didn't he?" Emily asked.

Spencer despised the game. It was basically just an opportunity for everyone in the family to try and one-up one another.

"Halfway through dinner I muttered to my mother that I wished we were still in the airport."

"I bet that went over well." Hanna snorted.

"She agreed with me." An amused smile washed across her face. "Which is surprising because both my parents like Melissa more than they like me."

"Spence, that's not true." Emily hated when Spencer put herself down, though it was hard to ignore the favoritism in the Hastings household.

They had seen her parents play favorites with Spencer and Melissa when they were younger.

"I don't know." Spencer shrugged. "Even back when Ian and Wren were hitting on me my parents found a way to blame me so they wouldn't upset Melissa."

That irritated Alison, because despite Spencer's brash controlling nature…she'd been forced to be that way because of the way she was raised. And she'd taken the blame when grown men were inappropriate with her because everyone around thought that Spencer was the problem and not the adults preying on a young girl. Alison could relate to that.

"Wren and Ian were creeps. Parents can be such idiots." Alison interjected. "But hey…at least your mom didn't bury you alive."

The dark nature of her quip stunned everyone into silence.

It was Aria who broke the silence.

"Damn, Ali. That was some Game of Thrones emo shit."

The girls laughed nervously.

"I'd say more Shakespearean tragedy." Spencer rubbed her jaw with her fingers.

Emily couldn't help but notice that Spencer looked exhausted. She glanced at Alison with a worried frown. Spencer had a bad habit of taking on too much. From the looks of the puffy dark shadows under her eyes she wasn't getting much sleep.

"What about you, Aria? Are you ready for your trip with Liam?" Spencer smiled.

The excitement in Aria's eyes was palpable.

"I can't wait." Aria nodded eagerly.

"I've got to admit…" Hanna glanced at the screen, "...I'm jealous. I've been trying to make it to a fashion show in São Paulo for two years. I thought maybe this internship might give me an edge, but my boss is a cheap shrew. Furthest I've ever gone is Jersey. And that's not even close to a vacation destination. I don't even like Jersey." She scrunched up her nose and made a face.

"Nobody likes Jersey. Not even the people who live there like it." Spencer laughed.

"Coulda fooled me. The locals couldn't stop talking about it. Even though it smells weird and the traffic is shit. And don't even get me started on the jacked-up Jabronies with leering eyes." Hanna rolled her eyes. "Brazil is a dream, Aria. You are so lucky."

"We really are. We've got a resort overlooking the coast. We plan on spending a few days in Argentina, too. We're going to Iguazu Falls." A dreamy smile washed across Aria's face.

"That's it. I'm sneaking into your luggage." Hanna frowned. "How can you afford all that? Caleb and I have to decide whether we want to eat ramen or peanut butter so we can catch up on our bills."

Caleb was paid decently and Hanna earned a salary, but living was expensive. Especially in New York. They had a little saved up, but not enough for an international adventure.

"Liam and I got an advance on our book. It's testing really well and they already want a sequel."

"Congratulations!" Alison gushed. She had read Aria's book no less than a dozen times. "It's an incredible book. I can't wait to see what else you have in store."

There was a momentary pause in the conversation. The screen cut from Hanna to Spencer, in which both of them looked at her like she'd sprouted an extra head. They weren't used to complimentary Alison.

Aria chirped in happily.

"Thanks. That really means a lot." Her smiling face filled the screen, her bright olive eyes alert.

Spencer's camera cut her off as she was mid-yawn. She was the opposite of alert.

"You okay, Spencer?" Emily asked.

"Yeah. Why?" Her reaction didn't give anything away.

Before Emily could answer, Hanna cocked her head and blurted out,

"Because you look like crap. How long has it been since you slept?"

"Nice, Han. Subtle." Emily rolled her eyes.

Spencer took it in good humor. She shrugged and said one word.

"Politics."

"Do you like what you do?" Alison was no stranger to long hours, but she had no idea what Spencer's schedule looked like.

"I do." Spencer smiled. "I got into this because I want to help make a difference. I want to become someone who can make policies that are truly going to help people."

There was a sense of pride in her eyes. Even though she looked tired, she was radiating positive energy.

"It is just your job keeping you up at night, right? Not creepy messages or an old stalker?" Hanna asked, completely obliviously to the stares of horror that Alison and Emily were giving her.

Fortunately, Hanna was still on screen and the girls couldn't see their reactions.

Alison glared into the screen like she wanted to kill her. Emily's eyes widened in shock. They had told Hanna not to say anything to the other girls.

"Don't even joke about that." Spencer frowned. "I mean, I know Charlotte is locked up at Welby, but I don't even want to think about that. Why would you even ask that?"

Hanna seemed completely unbothered.

Alison shot Emily a look that screamed "What is she doing?!"

"No reason." Hanna shrugged, disappearing partially from the screen. A curious blur of orange fur appeared. Hanna's cat was sniffing the phone. "Hey, get down…" She scolded him.

Seconds later Cheese was gone. Hanna was picking up her phone. "Sorry. He's obsessed with videos. Caleb plays YouTube videos of birds and squirrels for him all the time."

"Hanna, is everything okay with you?" Aria picked up on her strange behavior. "You're not getting messages again are you?"

"No." She didn't have to lie. Because she wasn't the ones getting them. "I just worry about you all. I wanted to make sure."

When she looked into the camera she seemed to be looking directly at Alison and Emily, as if to say, "At least we know they're not being stalked and tortured."

"How are things in Rosewood, by the way?" Hanna was a master at shifting the topic.

It was both impressive and annoying.

"Yeah, did you two have a good holiday?" Aria offered a timid smile. She knew it had been hard without Emily's dad around.

Alison and Emily smiled at one another. Alison had gotten the best present of all. Peace and quiet from her sister.

"It was really good." Alison lifted her chin to reveal a cute necklace with a pendant of her birthstone on it. "Emily gives the best gifts." She leaned over and kissed the brunette, who matched her passion with pleasure. The girls oohed and ahhhed.

"She's selling herself short in the gift-giving department." Emily lifted her wrist and dangled a charm bracelet with various charms on them. One of the charms had her father's initials carved into a star.

Alison blushed. Emily grinned when she saw the color flood her cheeks.

So adorable.

"Emily's mom outdid us both. We're heading to the Poconos tomorrow. We're going to ring in the New Year there."

"My dad's idea." Emily added with a sad smile.

"That's right. Your little lover's retreat." Hanna grinned at them.

Her smile was almost enough to make them forget that Hanna had just brought up Charlotte, though everyone else seemed to have moved on from the subject. Everyone but Emily, who couldn't stop thinking about her visit to Charlotte.

"Anyone got any resolutions for next year?" Aria asked.

"Resolutions are just an excuse people use to make them feel better about their shortcomings that they could have been working on long before the clock reset." Spencer shifted her phone in her hand. She was reaching for a to-go cup of coffee.

"Spencer Hastings, everyone. A walking ball of optimism." Aria teased with a sarcastic smile.

"I like that you don't bullshit, Spencer." Alison shrugged.

Spencer took a long drag of her coffee before she responded.

"I think politics might be making me cynical." She peered at the steam coming out of the small opening in the top of her cup.

"Nope. That's an affliction you've had your entire life." Hanna came in for a rebuttal.

"I believe I have a pillow with Hope Breeds Eternal Misery embroidered on it somewhere." Emily chuckled.

"That was a good one." Spencer smiled. She seemed to be relaxing as the conversation continued.

Emily smiled and laughed with her friends, but inside she was a nervous wreck. She kept replaying her conversation with Charlotte over and over in her head. It was a tortuous endless loop.

She barely even registered when the call was ending. She looked into her empty glass, only traces of her hot cocoa left. Alison had finished hers, too.

"Have a safe trip, you two." Aria waved.

"You too." Emily smiled.

They said their goodbyes and then Alison hung up the phone.

"They seem to be doing really well…apart from Spencer not getting enough rest." Alison put her phone down, frowning anxiously. "I know she said it was work, but I can't help but wonder when you all don't sleep if it's because of Charlotte."

And we're back on Charlotte again… Emily felt the hairs on the back of her neck standing at attention.

Alison had given her a perfect opening to tell her what she'd done, but Emily choked.

"It's natural to worry." Emily curled her arm around Alison's shoulder, pulling her in for an embrace. "I wonder the same about you when you have bad dreams. You went through so much."

No one deserved the amount of trauma that Alison had gone through. A toxic family. Men preying on her. A perverted brother who was making snuff films with his friends starring her and her friends. Her sister nearly killing her. Her mother burying her alive. Being alone and afraid and on the run. Even when she had disappeared, the men she ran into preyed on her. And to find out that Charlotte was her sister and the person responsible for torturing them for years? The icing on the shit pie of her life.

"You think I'll ever be normal?" Alison peered up at her, her inquisitive blue eyes meeting Emily's.

"I don't think anyone is normal, Ali." Emily smiled softly. "I think you're perfect."

"No one is perfect." Alison had a cynical frown on her face.

"You are. To me." She kissed the top of Alison's head. Her fine blonde locks smelled like coconut.

Alison smiled up at her.

"I love you." Alison laid her arm across Emily's lap. Her palm landed on Emily's hip.

"I love you, too." Emily reached up to cup Alison's cheek.

Her lips softly caressed Alison's.

"Your mom is upstairs." Alison whispered into the kiss.

"Her footsteps are loud enough that we'll hear her coming." Emily shifted her legs apart and pulled Alison into her lap, settling her in between her thighs. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Absolutely not." Alison heaved out.

Emily blew a gentle breath against the side of Alison's neck, watching in awe as goosebumps prickled the blonde's delicate porcelain skin. She moved her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck.

Alison shuddered, her fingers digging into Emily's knee. She struggled not to moan out loud, knowing that Pam was within shouting distance.

Emily started trailing kisses down her spine, her lips tickling her sensitive flesh like a gentle feather.

Alison could feel a burning sensation expanding in her stomach. Heat radiated between her legs.

Usually Alison was the adventurous one. She was the one who was a fan of making sex a thrill, especially in public. They had laid underneath a blanket on the beach and made love at night more than once. They had joined the mile high club on the way out to Rosewood for Christmas. It hadn't been as fun as Alison had hoped, because they had been crammed in a tiny aircraft bathroom and they'd hit turbulence and almost tumbled out the door without their clothes, but she wouldn't take the experience back for the world.

Emily was typically more reserved in public, but she was wildly affectionate when they were at home…just the two of them.

It was strange that the brunette was walking on the dangerous side, but Alison wasn't going to question it, not while Emily's fingers were snaking up underneath her top and caressing her bare chest. Not while her hot tongue drew patterns against her skin. And especially not when one of Emily's hands trailed down her stomach and dipped into her pajama bottoms.

"I don't think I can be quiet enough." Alison was already gently bucking her hips, her movements sending a thrill through Emily's core.

Emily pulled her free hand out from underneath Alison's shirt and gently put her palm over the blonde's mouth.

"You can bite down if you need to." Emily whispered into her ear.

Jesus, she's going to be the death of me. Alison moaned into Emily's hand.

When Emily touched her it felt like her entire body had ignited. She was suddenly desperate for Emily to stop toying with her and to give her what she wanted.

Just as Emily was about to slip her fingers forward they heard footsteps approaching.

Emily yanked her hand away from Alison's mouth and pulled her fingers out from between her legs.

Alison swore under her breath and then they both started laughing as Alison scrambled to get off of her and back on the couch.

The footsteps retreated back the way they had come. Her mother had probably been doing the laundry and was putting the towels in the hall closet.

Emily and Alison looked at one another and burst into laughter.

As much as they wanted to defile the couch they didn't pick up where they'd left off. Instead, Emily turned a movie on and they snuggled up to watch it together.

Halfway through the movie Alison's phone rang. Emily frowned at it. It was almost ten at night. It was unusual for people to call that late. She was worried Charlotte was back at it.

"I've got to take this." Alison glanced at the screen.

It was obscured from Emily's vision.

The brunette lifted her brows, looking at her in concern.

"It's not her." When she saw Alison's smile, Emily relaxed. "My agent following up on something."

It was only then that Emily remembered they were on East Coast time, and that California was three hours behind. It was only seven there. Not such an unusual time to call someone, especially in the entertainment business.

"Okay. I'm going to head upstairs and finish packing."

"Good idea. I'll meet you up there after I'm done. We can finish what we started earlier." She winked.

Alison pecked her cheek and walked towards the kitchen. She had a peppy bounce in her step. She was really excited about her new project.

Emily hated that she had to take some of that happiness away from her.

Emily picked up her phone and turned the movie off. She walked upstairs.

She had been waiting for an opportunity to slip away and make a call.

It was out of character for Hanna to talk about Charlotte. They didn't ever talk about her. She was worried that the other girls would start to think about the slip in the conversation.

She hit the speed dial and slipped her earpiece in her ear. She glanced at the time on her phone screen and had to laugh considering she'd just been downstairs thinking about how ten was usually too late to call someone.

"Miss me already?" Hanna answered.

"Why would you bring up Charlotte?" Emily grabbed a suitcase, which was mostly packed.

Alison had a ton of things, so she had three suitcases and a travel bag. Emily traveled a bit more light. She had a carry-on and one other suitcase.

There was a pause and then a sigh.

"I had to know. It was keeping me up at night."

Emily's guilt for involving her and Caleb was worse than the burden she was carrying about Charlotte.

"I'm sorry, Em. But Spencer is not even going to remember the conversation tomorrow. She's wiped. And Aria is too giddy to think about anything but the coming honeymoon phase."

She had a point.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I never should have dragged you and Caleb into this." Emily grabbed a packing cube, something she was using to organize their luggage.

"Caleb and I disagree about a lot in life, but we're on the same page about this. We're glad you reached out. It's too much for you and Alison to deal with alone." Hanna had always been loyal and determined, and Emily loved her for it.

"I just hope the others didn't see my face when you brought her up." Emily folded some clothes that were sitting on her bed and put them in the luggage organizer.

"You weren't on the screen at all. I made sure to make noises and keep talking, because I thought you might wig out." Hanna admitted.

"You were right. Totally wigged."

"You haven't told Alison about the visit yet." She stated it rather than questioned it because she knew.

"I'm going to. Tonight. It's slowly driving me crazy. I feel like the narrator in The Tell-Tale Heart." Emily grabbed another organizer and continued to pack.

"Ooh…Edgar Allan Poe. You really are tripping on some dark shit. But I mean…it's not like you killed anyone." Hanna paused and then asked, "You didn't kill anyone, did you? You know if you need an alibi, I got you, but..."

"Oh my God, no." It was so absurd that Emily laughed, though she stopped laughing when she thought about how much she did want to kill Charlotte.

She'd never go through with it, but she had thoughts about her dying sometimes. She wouldn't be able to take another life though. She had been a wreck after she killed a man in high school in self-defense.

Lyndon had posed as Maya's cousin, but he had been stalking her and eventually killed her. He'd tried to kill Emily in a lighthouse after she escaped.

She didn't like thinking about that night, because not only had she killed someone, but Caleb had taken a bullet for her.

It reminded her the extraordinary lengths that her friends would go to in order to protect her.

She realized she was being too hard on Hanna.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Emily grabbed some labels she had made earlier in the day and started putting them in their designated spots.

Hanna snorted out a laugh.

"That was you snapping at me? That was the weakest bite ever." Hanna didn't seem to be bothered. "You literally just asked me a question. You think that fazed me?"

Emily smiled.

"I guess not."

"I think you're probably just overcompensating because you feel guilty about confronting Charlotte…not that you have anything to feel guilty about." Hanna had an edge in her voice.

She absolutely despised Alison's sister. Caleb had probably been right when he told Emily that out of all of the visitors Charlotte could have had, she was probably the most sensible and least prone to violence.

"I didn't realize you were studying to get your Psychology degree." Emily laughed.

"I'm just a natural at it."

"Well, either way…thank you. I think I needed to hear this."

"Sure. Call me any time."

"Love you, Han."

"Love you, too."

After they said their goodbyes Emily finished packing the suitcase and moved on to Alison's belongings. She repacked and labeled everything. She knew she was doing it out of nerves. She wasn't looking forward to the conversation she was about to have with the blonde.

She had everything organized the way she wanted it and was finishing up when Alison walked into the room.

The blonde stopped when she saw the open suitcases. She stood over the top of one of her bags and observed it.

"Wow, this looks like a Tetris Game. I can't believe you labeled our things." Alison stood on the tips of her toes and pecked Emily's lips. "Nerd."

Emily playfully swatted her shoulder.

"I am not a nerd." She rolled her eyes. "I'm just organized."

"That's a fancy way of saying you're nerdy." Alison teased. "You are getting more and more like your mother."

"If I start stress-baking and scrap-booking organize an intervention for me." Emily turned towards her closet and started digging through some of her old clothes.

"Why the sudden urge to make sure our luggage is perfect?" Alison asked.

The question was innocent enough, but Emily had a reason and she dreaded telling her that reason.

She turned around and saw Alison sitting against the edge of her bed, admiring an open suitcase on the floor.

"I need to tell you something." She walked over next to Alison. "I don't want to start this trip off without getting something off my chest."

Emily regretted her timing almost immediately.

They were going to be isolated in a car for three hours tomorrow. It could make for some very awkward silence. Or even worse…conversation that neither of them could escape from.

But she couldn't hold out any longer. It was eating away at her.

She sat next to her girlfriend.

"Okay…" Alison looked at her, a timid expression in her eyes.

"I don't know if this is the right thing to do." Emily rubbed her palm over her face, dragging it miserably slow across her features. "I don't want to hurt you."

Fear sparked in Alison's eyes. She reached for Emily's hand.

"Oh, God…you're not dying, are you?" She looked desolate and helpless.

"No." Emily shook her head. "No, nothing like that."

Some of Alison's tension faded, but she still looked wary.

"Well, that's about the only thing that could really hurt me. My family already destroyed me."

That made it even harder for Emily to say what she had to say. How the hell was she supposed to respond?

"Your sister killed your mother and lied to you about it for years."

Emily sighed.

"That's part of the problem."

"My family?" Alison looked hopelessly confused. But then something changed in her expression as a realization hit her. "Oh…" Her eyes softened. "It's about Charlotte, isn't it?"

Emily nodded. She tried to say the words, but they wouldn't come out.

"Did she do something to do? Did she vandalize your dad's grave again? Did she hurt you? I'll fucking kill her." The ferocity of her words were coupled with a quiet hint of fear. "Em, say something…you're scaring me."

"I saw her." Emily gnawed on her lip.

"Yeah, I know. I see her all the time, too. Bitch haunts my dreams." Alison uttered sarcastically.

"No, I mean…I got into Welby to visit her."

Alison pulled her hand away from Emily's in shock. Emily wasn't surprised, but the motion still hurt her.

Alison's face contorted like she was working on a difficult algebra equation. It didn't seem to compute. Her eyes had dropped to the edge of the bed, a strange focal point that stayed steady in her field of vision.

As she let it process she slowly snapped out of it, her eyes finding Emily's again. Her face was full of a sad anguish that twisted Emily's heart into a tight ball of tension. But then the sadness was gone, replaced with another emotion. It was a mixture of concern, curiosity, and confusion.

"You…" She couldn't quite speak in a coherent sentence, "…went to Welby?"

"I did. I'm so sorry. I tried to tell you."

Numerous times.

But she had failed, and she was willing to accept responsibility for it. She would be accountable for her actions.

"Caleb found a way in for me and I took it. And I feel completely horrible about it." Emily reached for Alison's hand, expecting her to pull it away. But the blonde let her take it. "Not because I went, but because I didn't tell you."

"We promised no more secrets." Alison's wounded blue eyes lit up with several different emotions, but surprisingly the one emotion Emily expected to see was missing.

She didn't look angry.

"I know. It was impulsive as hell. I feel like an asshole. I really do." Emily glanced at Alison's phone. "But the calls and texts have stopped, haven't they?"

Alison slowly put the pieces together. The messages hadn't stopped because Jason had come through for her. They had stopped because Emily took action. She had stepped up.

It was hard to be mad when she realized how incredibly difficult it must have been for Emily to be face to face with Charlotte after she'd been tortured to the point of death by her.

It was also humbling to know that even when her own flesh and blood didn't come through for her…Emily would.

"Yeah. They've stopped." Alison nodded. "For now."

"I think she got my message loud and clear." Emily continued, a timid trill to her voice.

When Alison looked into Emily's eyes she saw the guilt haunting her.

God love her, she did something difficult to try and keep me safe and she feels GUILTY about it…

"Which was what exactly?" Alison wanted to know more about this message that had stopped Charlotte in her tracks.

"That I love you enough to take a huge risk. That I love you so much that there's no line I won't cross for you." She squeezed Alison's hand.

To her surprise, Alison squeezed back.

"I want to know everything." Alison didn't seem angry, but she was determined.

She wanted to understand what had transpired.

Emily told Alison about the visit. She walked Alison through how Caleb had gotten her into Welby. She explained what was going through her mind and how often she felt like telling her the truth. She recounted the visit with her former tormenter. She explained how she'd gotten some incriminating things on the recording. She stopped just short of explaining what that incriminating piece of evidence was, but she told her it was in Caleb's hands for safe-keeping.

Alison sat in silence for nearly a minute.

It was like torture for Emily, but she took her punishment. She deserved Alison's wrath.

Instead, she was met with a surprising reaction when she begged,

"Please…say something. I'm sorry. I'm also not sorry. Because you mean the world to me. I know I screwed up…"

Alison shook her head vigorously.

"Emily, stop."

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"It's okay if you hate me. If you want to leave me, I…"

"Is that what you think of me? That I would just bail over something like this?" Alison cut her off again.

"Not at all. But I know I hurt you. I betrayed you."

"You didn't intentionally try to hurt me. You were trying to protect me. I can't be mad at you for doing what's in your nature. You show up at my house in the middle of the night and fight off attackers and show up on beaches and save me from renegade surfers…and apparently you confront my sociopathic sister with no regard for your own safety. You have always been on my side. You were on my side when no one else was." Alison furrowed her brow. "I should be really pissed off at you. But I'm not. I feel like if the situation was reversed I would have done the same thing."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I tried to so many times. I started to say something at the graveyard…before…" Her face was filled with agony.

Thinking about her father's grave being defaced was too much for her.

"Before she had Sara vandalize your dad's grave." Alison finished her sentence, her eyes flashing in rage. Not at Emily. She wasn't mad at her girlfriend. She was pissed at Charlotte and Sara. "That bitch. Charlotte told her to do it, didn't she?"

"Most likely, yeah. The point is I wanted to say something that day. And a couple of times after that day. When we were out at the overlook admiring The Kissing Rock I started to tell you. I don't know what stopped me."

"You have good instincts. That's what stopped you. You knew I would throw a fit and insist you not do it. Or I would have pushed to come along and gotten us both banned from Welby."

"I suspected that was how you'd react. But I still should have said something. You're right. We promised no more secrets." Emily rubbed her forehead with her palm. "Something inside of me snapped. I couldn't stand to see her torture you. I was helpless to do anything in the Dollhouse, but I'm not helpless here."

The mention of the underground torture chamber made Alison flinch. Charlotte had done terrible things to her friends there.

"Even so, that's no excuse for going behind your back. You begged me not to get involved and I did it anyway." Emily winced.

"I mean…do you want me to yell at you? Because I really don't want to. The old Alison would be screaming, but that's not me anymore. The only person I'm angry at in this scenario is Charlotte. Because she put us in this position. I'm surprised she agreed to see you."

"She didn't know I was coming."

"Can I listen to the recording?" Alison asked.

Emily felt sick to her stomach.

"Even after what I just told you about how I said those awful things?"

"You didn't say anything that wasn't true."

Emily looked pained at her response. Caleb had said the same thing. But she still felt like the scum of the Earth.

She wasn't sure she was worthy of Alison's love anymore. Not after she'd lied to her and said all those terrible things to Charlotte.

"I'm not mad at you for any of this." Alison touched her arm.

"I know. But I'm mad at myself." She shook her head, completely disappointed in the fact that she had shut Alison out of the decision.

"You shouldn't be." Alison replied softly. "I've kept things from you, too. I think…I think sometimes it's natural to do that in small doses in relationships, but I don't know. Because you're the first healthy relationship I've ever had."

That touched something inside of Emily. She shot Alison a tearful smile.

"We shouldn't lie to each other. But you're right. Sometimes we make mistakes in relationships. I'm not perfect." Emily sighed.

"You are. To me." Alison mirrored Emily's words from the living room back to her.

Emily slid her fingers in between Alison's. She wasn't sure what to say. She knew Alison was going through a whirlwind of emotions. All she could do was hear her out.

"I get why you did it," Alison stroked her arm. "I think on some level I knew you were going to do it. It's what you do." Her eyes landed on Emily's. "You've always come to my defense. Sometimes even when I didn't deserve it. You always see the best in me. You've always protected me, Em. You risked your life for me."

"I would do it again." Emily kissed her forehead.

"I know. Because that's exactly who you are." Alison was smiling at her when she pulled back.

"I always want you to feel safe with me." Emily caressed her face.

"I always have." She pulled Emily's palm away from her cheek and kissed her knuckles. Knuckles that had punched people who hurt her. "You're the only one I've ever felt safe with. I love the girls and your mom. But it's always only been you."

"I'm sorry I went behind your back." Emily swallowed hard. "I know how much trust means to you."

"And I trust you. I know you would never hurt me on purpose." She put her free hand against Emily's chest, letting her heartbeat tickle her palm. "I will never let anything come between us again."

"I won't either." Emily promised.

"I do need to hear what you two talked about though."

"Do you really want to listen to the recording?" She was hoping that Alison would change her mind.

But she didn't change her mind, so Emily pulled it up so Alison could hear it.

She watched her expressions carefully.

Alison grimaced when she heard her sister. It was jarring to hear Charlotte's voice after hearing nothing but her whispered taunts for months. It was even more jarring to hear the fierce nature in Emily's tone.

Emily paused the recording before it got to the part about Alison's mother. She wanted to tell her that in person, not have her learn about it from a recording.

Alison didn't say anything at first.

"I told you it was bad." Emily sighed.

To her surprise, Alison curled her fingers into a tightly wound fist.

"What a conniving bitch." Alison sneered at the tiny soundwave on Emily's phone. "I can't believe I ever cared about her."

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but then she clamped her jaw shut again. She had no idea what to say.

"She could have hurt you, you know…" Alison faced Emily.

"There was someone right outside the door and there was a panic button."

"Yeah." Alison's eyes glazed over, her normally vibrant fire dulled by memories she was trying to suppress. "I remember the protocol."

"To Welby's credit, they have pretty tight security. I don't know how Sara managed to get burner phones to her, but the rest of the security is decent."

Alison loosened her fist and looked at the brunette. Emily couldn't read the expression on her face.

Alison gently reached out and touched Emily's arm.

"You risked everything for me. That you would do that for me…put yourself out there like that and face her after what she did to you? I…" Alison cupped her cheek and pressed a kiss against her lips. "I'm honestly really touched you would do this for me."

"I would do anything for you, Alison." Emily tucked a tendril of Alison's hair behind her ear. "I'm always in your corner."

"Yeah, but this goes beyond the normal scope of a relationship. You got her to back off."

"It wasn't exactly easy. I had no idea what to expect when I walked into that room." Emily admitted.

Alison looked at her precariously, trying to put together a puzzle that was forming in her mind.

"You said this recording would be enough to get her to stop, but she hardly said anything that she would consider a threat to her if it got out. She didn't really do anything other than try to manipulate you."

"You haven't heard everything yet. There is something else…" Emily tensed. "She was really angry, so she told me something she knew I couldn't keep to myself."

"I don't understand." Alison's eyes narrowed. She looked perplexed. "What do you mean?"

Emily braced herself to see the pain in Alison's eyes. She had gone back and forth over the right course of action.

Caleb had convinced her that people with unanswered questions about their parents could only get closure from the truth…even if that truth hurt.

"I know what happened to your mom." Emily felt a vein throbbing in her forehead. "Exactly what happened to her."

Alison's entire face blanched. Her eyes glassed over. Her body tensed.

All Emily could do was hold her hand and comfort her.

"Do you want me to tell you? Because if you don't want to know, I'll never bring it up again."

"I need to know." Her lips were trembling. "I always suspected. I shouldn't be so surprised, but…I just…I thought Charlotte loved my mother. My mom was the only one who loved her. I'm…I'm trying to process."

"Take all the time you need."

Alison nodded.

After a few beats she composed herself and looked Emily directly in the eyes.

"What did she do?" She looked like a grieving child who didn't understand why mommy wasn't coming home.

The expression on her face gutted Emily.

"She switched out your mom's blood pressure medication. That's why her blood pressure was so dangerously low. That's why her heart stopped. And after she was…when…when she was gone…" Saying she was dead felt so callous and cold. "…Charlotte buried her on the Hastings property. That's how she got the video to send it to you."

Emily felt a surge of anger. She'd seen the complete devastation on Alison's face the day that she'd gotten that video of her mother being buried.

"She says she was lucid when she did it. I don't know how much to read into that, because I don't know what goes on in her mind. Maybe she thought she was lucid. I don't know." Emily frowned.

"She planned it. She planned my mom's murder."

Angry tears burned Alison's eyes. She didn't want to think her sister was capable of it, but she knew from experience exactly what Charlotte was capable of.

"I think she did. I think she knew what she was doing." Emily replied softly.

"Did she say why?" When Alison blinked, a tear leaked from her left eye.

Emily wiped it away and kissed her temple.

"She didn't. I'm sorry." Emily shook her head.

Alison squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a frustrated grunt.

"I didn't want to believe she was a monster. I just wanted my big sister to love me. But she never loved me…" The tears started falling freely.

Emily felt her heart tighten in her chest. She knew telling Alison this was going to hurt her. Charlotte knew it, too.

Fuck Charlotte.

"My family never loved me." She cried.

Emily wrapped the blonde up in her arms.

"I love you. You have me. I promise I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much."

Alison sobbed, her heated breaths coming out against Emily's neck.

"You're all I have." Alison pecked the side of Emily's neck. "Why did I wait so fucking long to realize that?"

Emily gently rubbed her back and let her cry. She kept her face hidden, so Alison couldn't see that she was crying too.

Alison's pain cut her deeply. The bond they shared went beyond love. The way Alison had tried to absorb Emily's pain after her dad had died had opened up a connection that neither of them knew was there.

Now it was Emily's turn to shoulder some of the burden. She could feel Alison's anger. She could feel her pain. She could feel the grief. And she could feel the relief of knowing the truth.

"I'm so sorry." Emily whispered repeatedly. "I'm so sorry, honey."

Alison clung to her, desolate and in despair…and angry that she was so upset. She had known on some level that Charlotte was responsible. Why was it hitting her so hard to learn the truth?

Emily cleared off the bed and closed their suitcases. When she turned around she saw Alison curling on to the mattress in the fetal position. She was facing away from her and staring out Emily's window.

Emily didn't have to ask her what she needed. She instinctively knew.

She walked over to close the blinds and pull the curtains closed on her window seat, preserving the private moment she knew Alison needed.

Then she walked to the other side of the bed and kneeled against the mattress, sinking down on to the bed. She crawled as close as she could get to the blonde and wrapped her arms around her.

Alison unfurled from the fetal position and allowed Emily to take her into her arms.

"I hate that she did this to us." Alison growled angrily. "I hate she even put you in that situation."

"To be fair, I walked in there knowing I was taking a risk. I just didn't know it was going to result in you being hurt." Emily combed her fingers through Alison's hair.

"She did this deliberately to hurt both of us. She knew it would hurt me. And she knew that you were going to be hurt after telling me. God, I bet you've been struggling with this since she told you. She is so vindictive." She was trembling in rage.

She curled into Emily's body. They were a perfect fit. She was so warm and inviting. It helped soothe some of her emotions.

"I should tell my brother. Thinking that she's capable of murdering her own family and knowing it are two very different scenarios." Alison peered into Emily's eyes. "I just don't know how to tell him without him finding out you were the one to get the confession. I don't want this to blow back on you. I'm afraid she might retaliate…"

"She won't do anything as long as we have the recording. I made plenty of copies. She does seem terrified of losing Jason, but she seemed even more afraid of the prospect of what would happen to her if this got out to the media and law enforcement. But if you want to talk to Jason…I support you." Emily kissed her forehead.

"I don't know what I want to do yet. I think I should process this before I do something impulsive. That kind of behavior never led me anywhere good in the past." Alison chewed on her lip.

Emily glanced at Alison, admiring just how far she had come since high school.

At fifteen-years-old, Alison DiLaurentis would have used Charlotte's confession in all the wrong ways. She would be manipulative, impulsive, and would play herself up to either be the hero or the victim.

Adult Alison was hurt and insanely angry, but instead of setting the town on fire she was taking the time to work through her feelings.

"I'll be there for you no matter what you decide you want to do." The tips of Emily's fingers tickled Alison's jaw line.

"What if I decide I want to murder my sister?" Alison deadpanned, her tone flat and emotionless.

"I'm your accomplice and your alibi." Emily didn't even have to think about it.

"Wow…" Alison was impressed. "We're really at the 'I'd cover up murder for you' stage in our relationship?"

"We've always been in that stage. I would have done anything for you when we were younger, too." Emily shrugged.

Alison answered with a gentle kiss. Emily could taste the salt from her dried up tears of fury. The blonde settled into her arms and they simply laid with one another for a while. It was what Alison needed. She just needed to feel safe and loved.

It was a phenomenon that she rarely felt in her life. Only when she was in the brunette's presence.

They weren't perfect. They both made mistakes. But at the end of the day, their love carried them through everything.

Alison propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at Emily.

"You are the whole package, you know." She admired her beautiful brunette.

Emily's eyes darted away bashfully and her face flooded with color. Alison reached out with her free hand and cupped Emily's cheek, their eyes meeting again.

"You really were my favorite. It wasn't just a game with you. I was just…" She tried to find the right words.

"You were trying to understand feelings that you'd never had before." Emily knew how hard it was to struggle with the emotions about coming out of the closet.

"I never meant to use you or play with your feelings." She caressed her face.

"I know." A soft smile tugged at Emily's lips.

"I was really worried about you after Maya died. Your blackouts scared me." Alison bit her lip.

"You knew I was having them?" A perplexed look crossed Emily's face.

Alison nodded.

"It's why I worried when you started drinking after your dad died. I was afraid you were going to end up putting yourself in danger. I couldn't be around for you a lot back then, but I can be now." Her thumbnail traced the edge of Emily's lips. "I did my best when we were kids. One time I found you wandering in the woods alone. You were so out of it that I don't think you realized I was the one talking to you. I took you home and made sure you got into bed safely that night."

How could I forget something like that? Emily was torn between shame and shock.

She would have given anything to see Alison again after the blonde disappeared, and she'd been right in front of her and with her the whole way.

A flash of a memory sparked in her mind. She thought it had been a dream at the time.

Alison by her bedside, stroking her cheek.

"What are you doing to yourself, my love?"

"A...Ali?"

"Shhh. You're safe now, sweetie."

"Maya's dead." She'd wept.

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"Where did you go, Ali?"

"I'm here. I'm right here." She'd tenderly cupped her face.

"I miss you." Emily had closed her eyes.

"I miss you, too, Em."

"I never got to tell you...I loved you."

"I love you, too," she'd whispered back. "I love you with everything in my soul. I'm sorry I never told you. I'm sorry...for everything."

"Stay with me. Please. Just until I fall asleep."

"Of course."

The memory disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"You were there." Emily blinked back tears.

"I wanted to stay so bad. I was so scared for you."

"I had no idea." Emily put her hand against Alison's, holding the blonde's warm palm in place on her cheek.

"You wanted to kiss me that first time. You tried to. But I didn't want to take advantage of you. I knew you were blacked out and I knew it wouldn't be right to steal your kisses from you. If there is one thing I learned from all the pervs in Rosewood it's that consent is the most important thing in a relationship. You couldn't consent." Alison kissed the tip of her nose with a smile.

Alison's experience with her wandering around drunk and grieving was a stark contrast to what Emily's ex-girlfriend Paige had done. Paige had been desperate for attention. She, too, had run into Emily when Emily was blackout drunk. Only Paige didn't stop Emily's kisses. She encouraged them. Emily had always found that a little odd. Then again, she knew the reason things didn't work with Paige was because Paige cared way more about her than she cared about Paige. Their relationship was always unequal.

Hearing that Alison had taken a completely different approach was eye-opening. Alison wanted her, but not until she was ready.

"It's not that I didn't want you." Alison was uncomfortable with the silence. "It's just that…I wanted you to be there…in the moment. I wanted you to remember our kisses. They were special."

Emily nodded, processing some of her darker days.

"That day outside the barn…after you pulled me out and saved me, I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to be real so bad." Emily's eyes softened.

"I should have asked before I kissed you, but you looked so cold. And your lips were so blue. I thought I might have to give you mouth to mouth, but when you responded to my touch I pulled back, because I knew you were going to be okay."

"I wanted more. I wanted…" Emily paused. "I think maybe I wanted to go with you."

"You weren't ready. I understood. Being with me on the run…that would not have been a good life for you, Em. I wanted better for you." She admitted.

"What about you?" Emily frowned. "You were out there…so scared and alone."

"Not always." Alison smiled sadly. "I was around more than you or the girls know. I was around a few times after you wandered off in a drunken haze. I used to get frustrated that the girls didn't see what you were going through, but I know they were going through a lot, too." Alison sighed. There was a pause, a hesitation before she continued, "I always tried to do my best to make sure you got home safe. And that goes back to what you were saying about wanting me to feel safe. I wanted you to feel safe."

"I do. With you." Emily nodded.

"I know you feel bad about going to see Charlotte, but I do understand the reasoning. I understand what you wanted for me."

"You deserve to be happy." Emily whispered.

"You wanted to keep me safe…just like I was trying to do for you in high school. I'll never begrudge you for that. Ever." She leaned down and kissed Emily's forehead before sitting back up on her elbow.

"One day we'll be free of all this drama. I'm going to do everything in my power to see to that." Emily lifted her hand and laid it against Alison's cheek.

Alison leaned into her touch, leaning against Emily's palm. She turned slightly sideways, pulling away from her hand just enough to kiss the center of her palm.

Emily smiled at her.

"I love you so much." Emily stroked her fingers through her hair.

"I love you so much." Alison repeated, laying next to her.

Alison took a moment to appreciate the shape of her body, the scent of her essence, the sensitivity of her touch.

She trailed her fingertips against Emily's abdomen. Feeling the curves of her body reawakened the desire she'd felt before she found out the truth about Welby. She knew how incredibly lucky she was to have Emily in her life. She wanted to cherish every moment.

"Charlotte can fuck off. I want to finish what we started in the living room earlier." She slid her fingertips up underneath Emily's shirt until she was caressing her chest.

Emily smiled, but she didn't reciprocate.

God, Em, touch me…

Alison wondered if Emily was holding back because she was ashamed of going behind her back to see Charlotte. The brunette was harder on herself than anyone else was.

Alison slid one hand out from underneath Emily's shirt. Since Emily wasn't making the first move, Alison took it upon herself to grasp Emily's neck and pull her in for a kiss.

She was met with resistance, because her delicate partner cared about making sure she was taken care of.

"Ali, are you sure?" She stroked the blonde's cheeks, her fingertips gently threading through her hair. "I know you're working through a lot right now."

"Yes." Alison grinned devilishly. "And this is how I plan to work through it."

"I'm being serious. Do you want to talk it through some more or…"

"I said everything I needed to say." She nuzzled against the warm silky skin on the side of her neck, pressing gentle kisses that sent goosebumps prickling down Emily's spine. "But we don't have to if you don't want to." Alison's heated breath against her ear made her shiver in delight.

"I want to." Emily slowly turned her head so they were facing, their lips centimeters apart. "I always want to. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I will be fine once I get you undressed."

Alison didn't say what was in her heart. That she needed the distraction. That though she didn't think it was possible, Charlotte had broken her heart again. That the only thing that made sense to her was the brunette.

"Hey." Emily kissed her and gently swiped her cheek. "I know you're not okay. I know you're hurting. I can see it in your eyes."

Alison slowly blinked, the wisp of her eyelashes brushing against Emily's skin. She laid her forehead against Emily's and then opened her eyes, letting everything out.

"She broke me." She kissed Emily's forehead. "She broke my heart." She trailed her lips down to meet Emily's. "She destroyed me."

I should kill her for that. It enraged Emily to see what Charlotte had reduced her to.

She knew Alison would fight her way through the pain, but it was agonizing to watch.

"I know." Emily kissed her.

"I promise I'm not using you as a distraction from my emotions and I'm not avoiding it. I swear. I just…I really need you right now, Em." Her voice cracked when she said Emily's name.

"You've got me." She wrapped her arms around Alison and pressed her lips against the blonde's waiting lips. She knew she couldn't take all the pain away, but she could be there for her. "Whatever you need."

"I meant everything I said. I feel safe with you." Alison whispered into their kiss. She gently prodded her tongue forward and Emily accepted.

Moments later Alison was crawling on top of Emily.

After a few seconds she pulled back with an inquisitive look on her face.

"What if your mom hears?" That was her only concern.

Emily shook her head.

"She's already fallen asleep listening to an audiobook. Probably still has earphones on and all. She's a creature of habit." Emily gripped Alison's waist.

Alison smirked as she trailed her hands up underneath Emily's shirt again. This time she didn't stop until the garment was off.

She took her time admiring Emily's tanned chest and abdomen. Her muscles were impressive from all the swimming she'd done.

Emily laid her hands gently against the curves in Alison's waist, waiting on the blonde for her cues. Alison smiled at her and put her hands on top of Emily's, guiding them up to her breasts. Then she leaned forward and started kissing her way down the brunette's jaw, her shoulder, and down in between her bosom. She made her movements meaningful, like it was a dance she had to get just right.

Emily let Alison take control. She knew her girlfriend needed to have the power in their dynamic for now.

Alison seemed to appreciate her generosity. She sat up and pulled her silky shirt off and tossed it against the floor on top of Emily's. Then she started wiggling out of her bottoms. She gently pried Emily's clothes off, taking her time to trace her fingers against her taut thighs.

A few minutes later there was nothing between them…no barrier keeping their skin from being flush together.

They'd made love numerous times, but this was more than love. It wasn't wild or tantric or spicy. It wasn't to scratch an itch that couldn't be satiated any other way. It wasn't about the necessity of wanting or craving. It was a need. It was about comfort…about being a safe place to land.

The kisses were different.

The movements were different.

The charge between them was different.

The energy encompassed them in a world where it was simply just the two of them. It was as if they were elevating to new heights, Alison leading the way…telling Emily what she needed every step of the way while also simultaneously being a generous lover to the brunette.

When Alison was immersed in Emily she was not thinking about her mom or her sister or any of the trauma she'd endured in life. She was thinking about the love she could feel coursing through her veins. She was thinking about the way Emily's beating heart felt against her palm. She was thinking about how good she felt being with her. Her other half.

My entire world.

Emily was truly all she had. Of course, her friendships mattered to her. And Pam and all the others that had taken her in when she had no one. She loved and admired her followers and her career, but nothing fulfilled her quite like being in the arms of the woman she loved most in the world.

The passion they shared the next hour was one of the best highs of her life. Emily looked at her like she hung the moon…like she was the most beautiful star in the sky. Her loving eyes were so soft and so caring.

The love that Emily had for Alison was the most pure feeling in the world. It was right. It was natural. She could feel the way Alison lived through the way she touched. She was sharp and sassy, but sensitive and nurturing. It was easy to fall in love with Alison DiLaurentis, but keeping her was a privilege that only Emily Fields got to experience.

It was only in the wake of the love-making that there was a quiet break in their elated panting when the mood shifted.

Emily was on her side, Alison's bare front pressed against her back. She felt the blonde's feathery lips kiss the scar on her shoulder that Charlotte had given to her in the Dollhouse.

Emily turned to face her, managing to stay in Alison's embrace. The smaller woman had wrapped her arms tightly around Emily's midsection, like she was afraid to let her go.

Emily saw the tears in the low light of the room. She pressed her lips underneath her right eye and swiped at her cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

"She's a monster." Alison whispered. "Why did I not know how bad it really was?"

"Because no one told you." Emily whispered back. "I should have. I wanted to. But it was too hard to think about it. But maybe things would have been different if the girls and I had explained everything to you."

"I don't know. I was so self-centered back then. I might have been too stubborn to listen." Alison sniffled.

"The important thing is that you're here now. That's all I care about." She kissed the tears away. "I love you. And nothing is ever going to change that. Not our past. Not Charlotte. Not anything."

Alison tightened her hold on Emily.

"Thank you for what you did for me. For…really…for everything."

"Of course."

Alison yawned and glanced at the clock.

"We should get some sleep. Long drive tomorrow."

"Just you and me." Emily smiled.

Alison smiled back.

For the first time in a long time she felt like everything was going to be okay.

She didn't have a clue what they were really in for. The recording of Charlotte had quietly revamped and upped the game.

The radio silence wasn't because the danger was over.

It's because it was just beginning.

---

A/N: Look how far our girls have come. Communicating instead of being secretive, making COPIES of incriminating evidence, hanging out and being normal with their friends, processing things before acting on impulse. This is the kind of growth I would have loved to see on screen! Plus: All the Liars and a Cheese cameo!

Also, Jersey fans...rest assured I don't hate Jersey. It just felt like a very "Hanna" thing for her to harp on Jersey...being she's in The Big Apple. I don't hate the state. I hate ALL the states...equally. Heh. Canada friends, anyone want a stray US citizen? I'm quiet, I write Emison fanfics, and I can cook!

All jokes aside, my heart goes out to Maui. I encourage my readers to donate to the charity relief funds for those affected by the wildfires. I've survived one apartment fire and watched another decimate a building two doors down. Fire is no joke. A lot of people in Maui are hurting right now.