A/N: As always, lots of ups and downs. Lots of emotions. I feel like I've been a little delayed lately. My apologies. As someone who lives in Atlanta we have...A LOT happening right now. And it's not likely to settle down soon cuz um...well...our DA is kinda working on one of the biggest cases in the history of our society. So I've been...distracted. But I'm trying to refocus.
Fluffy content ahead. Rated M.
Chapter 17:
A Hazy Shade of Winter
Alison had disturbing dreams about her mother that night. She'd been standing at the spot between the property lines of her house and Spencer's house.
She watched as her mother clawed her way out of a shallow grave like a demon crawling up from the depths of hell.
The ground rumbled.
Rocks and soil bounced in the air.
Fingers ripped through the dirt.
Bloody hands clawing at the Earth's surface.
Horror seized Alison's body as she watched skeletal remains being unearthed.
Her mother stood in front of her.
When she shook the dirt away she revealed the pale camisole she'd been wearing the night she died.
The cloth had been ripped and torn and it hung off of her body.
She looked like a child playing dress-up in her parent's clothing.
Skin was rotting, falling off of her bones.
The flesh on her face had been eroded by the elements and was partially decomposed.
A lot of her hair had fallen out, leaving big patchy bald spots on her skull.
Her icy blue eyes were cloudy, but sharp.
She looked directly at Alison and lifted a shaky hand, pointing a skeletal finger towards her daughter.
A scream built in Alison's chest.
It burned.
Nothing came out when she opened her mouth.
She choked on her breath.
Something solid came spilling out when she tried to cry out.
When she leaned over to heave she realized she was vomiting rich dark soil.
It poured out of her like a water faucet on the highest setting possible. A small mound was forming at her feet.
She heard a cackle.
She looked up, dirt still rushing out of her mouth.
Her mother was inches from her face, a huge toothless grin frozen on her face.
The rotting corpse opened her mouth and uttered two hushed words,
"Your fault."
'It's your fault I'm dead.'
'It's your fault for not being there.'
'It's all your fault.'
Alison's entire body was throbbing.
She was desperate for air.
Her eyes started to water, but instead of tears spilling down her cheeks…it was mud.
She was choking on the Earth.
Again.
And even though her mother was mocking her…she still reached to her for help.
'Mom…' Her eyes pleaded. 'Mommy…'
"Like mother, like daughter." A familiar voice cut through the air. "She buried you, so I buried her."
Charlotte.
Alison stumbled and fell to her knees, gagging.
'Mom…help me! Please help me! Look at me! Can't you see me breathing? Can't you hear my screams?'
A hard boot kicked her between her shoulder blades and she fell directly into the mound of dirt that was coming out of her body.
When she tried to suck in air, all she pulled in was dirt.
The light was fading.
She awoke in the dark, clawing at her throat with one hand and reaching for Emily with her other.
The ground shifted beneath her and she was falling. She hit something with a loud 'thwack'.
Emily scrambled out from under the covers and turned the bedside lamp on. She crawled out of bed.
Alison was squirming around on the floor.
She had knocked one of her rolling suitcases over from its standing position.
She sat up in a daze, hand loosely wrapped around her throat and rubbing her larynx as she coughed.
"Hey, it's okay." Emily dropped to the floor next to her.
Alison wrapped her arms around Emily, relieved by her presence.
Emily could feel her shaking.
To Emily's surprise, when she pulled back and pushed the hair out of the blonde's face she saw that Alison wasn't shaking because she was crying. She was angry. Indignant. She wasn't afraid. She was pissed off.
"Are you…"
Before Emily could finish her thought, Alison interrupted her.
"It's a good thing we're getting out of this soul-sucking town in a few hours. I don't think I could stay another day here without killing someone." She wiped some sweat away from the back of her neck.
"Oh…" Was all her shocked girlfriend could say in response.
Emily couldn't blame Alison for feeling that way. The town had destroyed them. It was beautiful and quaint to outsiders, but to them it was a toxic waste dump. A cancer invading their souls.
The only reason Emily came back was for her mother. And now that her father was buried in Rosewood she was tethered to the town forever.
She heard a light rapping on her door.
"Girls? Is everything okay? I heard something that sounded like a bad fall." Pam whispered through the door.
She sounded timid, like she wanted to come in to check on them, but like she knew she might walk in on something she didn't want to walk in on.
"We're fine, mom." Emily straightened her flannel pajama top. "You can come in." She helped Alison to her feet.
Before they had fallen asleep they'd put their PJ's back on because it was so cold outside and their body heat from having sex had cooled down. Otherwise Pam would have been correct in assuming they'd been fooling around.
The door cracked open and Pam peered in.
"I'm so sorry. It's my fault." Alison rubbed her arm. She felt like a humiliated child. "I rolled out of bed in my sleep."
She didn't mention the nightmare, but Pam could see it written all over her face.
"Oh, honey…" She walked over to them, observing Alison for injuries. "Are you okay?"
Alison nodded, biting her lip to fight back her tears.
Why couldn't her mother have cared about her half as much as Emily's mother?
"I'm fine." Alison lied. "I'm sorry I woke you."
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're alright. Would you like some tea to help you get back to sleep?"
"No, but thank you for checking." Alison smiled weakly.
Pam stood frozen in front of them for a few seconds. She glanced at her daughter, her eyes filled with concern. She remembered Emily's nightmares after the Dollhouse. They had been horrendous. Pan had felt so helpless watching her child in pain.
She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to say anything for Emily to know what she was thinking.
"You poor girls."
"We're okay." Emily assured her.
"If you need anything let me know." Pam reached out to hug her.
"Thanks."
Pam walked out, closing the door behind her.
"God, that was so embarrassing." Alison buried her face in her hands. "She probably thinks I'm being a baby."
"She doesn't." Emily reached for her hand, guiding her back to bed. "She's been through this with me before. She understands. She knows you have PTSD, too. If anything, she's worried."
"I guess that's true." Alison laid down beside her, rolling to face her in the low light of the room. "After the Dollhouse…when you and the girls wouldn't talk to anyone I checked with your parents to see how you were doing. Veronica shut me out. I think she was overwhelmed with Spencer's pain and I think on some level she and Peter blamed me."
"Ali…" Emily said softly. "No one thought it was your fault."
"Mona's mom certainly did. Even after her daughter faked her own death and got me framed and sent to prison I was still the one she blamed." Alison rolled her eyes.
"Well, she was wrong." Emily frowned.
How could an adult treat a child that way? Especially after what her own daughter had done?
"Ella was really kind to me, but she didn't have much to say. Ashley seemed too preoccupied with Hanna to want to deal with me, but she was nice. Your mom is the only one who sat down and talked to me. I could tell how concerned she was about your nightmares. She asked me if I knew that you had been going to the shooting range with a loaded gun and full of pain and rage. She wanted to know if you had been talking to me, because you weren't talking to her."
"The shooting range was the only way for me to feel in control." Emily sighed. "She blew up at me when she found out. I think it scared the shit out of her."
Alison rubbed the sleeve of her shirt, caressing her arm.
"It scared the shit out of me, too. I wanted you to talk to me so badly."
"I know. I just…shut down. I became obsessed with finding ways to keep from feeling the pain. I can't believe I projected all my feelings into protecting Sara Harvey." Emily grumbled. "I wish I'd never met that bitch."
"You and me both." Alison yawned. "If she ever tries to come after your mom she's dead fucking meat."
"Don't worry about my mom. She's fine. Charlotte is not going to do anything while we have the recording." She kissed Alison's forehead. "And don't worry about tonight. My mom won't think any less of you just because you had a totally human experience. She dealt with my PTSD and my dad's PTSD, too. She can handle yours."
"Thanks, Em." Alison smiled and yawned again.
"Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare?" Emily asked.
Alison chewed on her lip, her eyes averting Emily's. She didn't want Emily to feel bad that she'd told her the truth about her mother.
She didn't have to say a word.
"It was about your mom, wasn't it?" Emily softly put her hand on Alison's cheek.
Alison nodded.
"It was like she was coming up from hell to devour me. I couldn't breathe. And Charlotte was there with her."
"I'm sorry." Emily hugged her.
"I think you're going for a record of how many times you can apologize to me in a twelve hour timespan." Alison nuzzled close to her.
Emily chuckled and Alison felt the reverberation of her laugh against her cheek. It made her smile.
The blonde relaxed into Emily's embrace.
They laid together until Emily felt Alison's breathing slow into a calm rhythm.
She knew she was asleep. She shuffled a little bit, carefully making sure Alison's head was on the pillow.
Alison gripped her in her sleep, pulling her closer. Emily smiled.
Emily tried to go back to sleep, but she still had adrenaline coursing through her body. She was up for another hour and half making sure that Alison was sleeping peacefully. It was reminiscent of the first night Alison had stayed in the condo. She just wanted to make sure she was okay.
She tried to get some rest, but she had too much on her mind.
Charlotte had stopped the torment for now, but Emily still had concerns. Sara was still out there. And she felt like there was more at play than she realized. It bothered her that somehow Charlotte had been getting burner phones even though the security at Welby was tight. She was worried someone might be working with Sara and Charlotte from the inside.
And there was the matter of Alison's mother's murder. If Alison decided she wanted to turn Charlotte's confession over to the police…then what? What would their lives become?
She knew they needed to stay on high alert, but at the very least they had a few days to unwind at the cabin in the Poconos.
They'd deal with everything when they got back to California. Emily made a mental note to get in touch with Caleb again about Charlotte's files. She knew he didn't have access to everything, but maybe they could see if the visitations had stopped. Some of the information was redacted. They hadn't been able to see who was visiting her, or if it was one or multiple visitors. If they could just get their hands on that information Emily would feel a lot better.
She closed her eyes, trying to let her worries float away. She knew the Poconos would be a nice breath of fresh air.
She was the first to wake in the morning. She quietly slipped out of bed to go make some coffee. She had her choice between regular or Espresso.
She chose the Espresso, downing two shots. She knew two shots would be enough, but it's something that Spencer would consider amateur.
"I could have downed four shots." Emily could hear Spencer teasing her.
Spencer's tolerance for caffeine was insane. When they were younger the other girls hated when she made coffee because it was so strong.
Two shots might not have been enough for Spencer, but it was enough to wake Emily up for the drive.
After Alison woke up they changed clothes and loaded the rental car. Alison grabbed the coffee that Emily had made for her and kissed her on the cheek before they climbed into the car and drove off.
Alison had been awake and talking for the first half hour. But despite the coffee, her eyes started to droop. The lack of a peaceful night's sleep had caught up with her.
She slept most of the way to the mountains.
Emily hated to wake her when they arrived. She sat in the idling car for a few minutes, letting Alison get the rest she clearly needed. She considered carrying her in like a mother would a sleeping child.
Fortunately she didn't have to make the decision.
Alison stirred in the passenger's seat, a yawn stretching across her face. She turned towards Emily and blinked away the sleep in her eyes.
"Hi." Emily smiled.
"Mmm…hi." Alison sat up, stretching her neck.
When she looked out the front windshield she saw that the light accumulation of snow she'd last seen in Rosewood had become much denser and deeper.
Her eyes landed on their cabin.
"Oh my God, did I sleep the entire way?" She whipped her head to the side and looked at Emily apologetically. "Why didn't you wake me?"
"You looked so peaceful." Emily shrugged and turned the car off. "And it seemed like you needed it."
"Aww." Alison smiled. "That's really sweet."
"You drool in your sleep."
Alison reached up and frantically wiped both corners of her lips, but her fingers came away dry. She heard Emily chuckling.
"You're not funny, Emily." But her laughter stated otherwise.
Emily reached for her hand, her smile slowly fading.
"Seriously though, how are you feeling?"
"Better." Alison squeezed her hand. "No Mommy Dearest nightmares this time."
"Good." Emily's seat squeaked as she shifted and unbuckled her seatbelt. She glanced at their home for the next four days. "Let's check it out."
When they climbed out of the car the first thing Alison noticed was the view beyond the back of the house. In the distance trees were dusted with a healthy layer of snow. There were a variety of them. Maples. Pines. Oaks. They looked like the life-size version of the little miniature winter wonderlands people set up in their houses for the holidays.
Beyond the trees the picturesque view of the snow-covered mountains was breathtaking. As far as the eye could see there were blankets of undisturbed snow.
She knew that on the other side of the mountain people were taking advantage of the winter sports. Skiing, snowboarding, and an abundance of other activities. But they were on the quiet side. The place where romance bloomed.
They walked towards the cabin. Emily pulled up her phone that had the security code for the front door, which changed every time someone rented it out. There were a bunch of instructions on how to get in. There was an alarm they could set once they were settled.
It seemed secure, which was a plus given everything they had gone through.
When Emily opened the door she heard the alarm give a warning chirp. She found the keypad and entered a code that deactivated it.
Alison closed the door and they walked through the foyer into the living room.
The cabin was small and cozy. It reminded Alison of their condo in Malibu. The cabin was bigger, but it wasn't the size of the houses she was used to.
She didn't really care about huge houses anymore. A house wasn't a home unless you had people to share it with. She liked her little home with Emily. She liked being in close quarters with her. She was comfortable.
The decorations were rustic and wooden and looked very much like a scene out of every rom-com movie she'd ever seen that featured cabins. There was a traditional brick fireplace in the common living area that was surrounded by a large wall of windows overlooking the mountain. The curtains were pulled open and tied at the sides.
The backs of the leather furniture had shawls and blankets hanging over them and neatly placed pillows at each corner. The wooden floors were covered with soft plush throw rugs that looked like it was going to feel like walking on clouds in their bare feet.
Emily admired the fireplace. She couldn't wait to cozy up next to it with Alison in her arms. There was a stack of neatly piled firewood in a large rack. There was a small card that noted there was more out in the back in a small shed and that the keys and code to get in were on the kitchen counter.
"This place is amazing." Alison looked at the tall ceilings.
She heard her voice echo off of all of the wood. She spun around, appreciating the view.
Emily was peering out the window, deep in thought.
Alison walked up next to her and stared out at the beautiful terrain. She faced Emily and reached up to straighten some of her hair, pushing it behind her ear.
"What are you thinking?" Alison traced a fingertip against Emily's temple.
Emily smiled at her.
"Questioning my sanity a little bit. Coming out to a remote area all alone? Last time that happened I was almost murdered by Lyndon." She shuddered when she thought of how that night had ended.
She could still remember seeing the wild look in his eyes at the inn. He was screaming at her and threatening to kill Paige. He had every intention on a double homicide that night.
After getting the okay from Paige she'd made a run for it and that's how she had ended up in a lighthouse searching for a cell signal where Lyndon had pulled the knife on her.
She remembered getting that warning call in the cabin, whether it was from Mona, Charlotte, or Toby she wasn't sure. Toby had been working on the inside trying to figure out who was torturing them. Emily hated that he'd joined the A-Team, but she forgave him. No one ever told her who had called her with that warning to get out of the cabin.
But the call had come too late. Lyndon had come back before she could make a run for it. He had acted totally normal at first. He'd been all jovial, talking about making tea and watching movies, but Emily had seen the paint on his shoes. The same shoes that Maya's stalker had been wearing at Tru North.
He had followed Emily when she tried to leave, playing the typical concerned guy who didn't want a lovely girl out late in the woods on her own.
But something had changed in his expression…and she knew the phone call had been a real warning.
She shuddered, trying to push the memory away, but the cabin had opened a chasm she had tried to keep closed for years.
He had dragged her back to the cabin as she protested. She had been terrified when he shoved her back inside and forced her on to the couch.
"Why are you doing this?" she'd begged.
He'd walked over to the TV and pressed play on the DVD player. He'd scared the hell out of her when he brought out the knife as video of Maya had aired in front of them.
The message was for Emily and it came crashing back to her.
"I wanted to give you this in person because I want to be there when you watch it. I've said so many wrong things to you."
She had cried as Maya continued,
"Emily, this is me taking the time to get it right…"
She remembered being able to hear Lyndon playing with the knife behind her and she was petrified he was going to slit her throat.
It wasn't until Maya said that her stalker had found her that Lyndon slammed the knife into the table and smiled at her sadistically.
"…I'm coming home. If you still want to be with me…"
Emily's eyes welled up with tears. Maya hadn't left her. On some level she'd always known that Maya would want to find her way back to her.
"How could you not fall in love with her smile?" Lyndon was delusional at that point.
"Why do you have this?" Emily asked.
"You know why." He walked around in front of her. "I loved her." Emily swallowed a knot in her throat. "Don't look at me like that."
Lyndon went on a rant about how Emily had taken Maya away from him, but that she had also given him a piece of her back to him.
"I'm going to do to you what you did to me." He'd walked over to the closet. "I'm going to take something from you, and you are going to watch me do it."
Paige had been sitting in the closet gagged and bound.
Lyndon screamed about how Emily had been lying to him about her feelings and playing him. He'd tried to rough her up, but she tried to stay calm.
"Nate, no, please…" Emily begged. "My friends know I'm here!" She tried to distract him. "My mom knows! They'll find you."
He'd laughed off her threats and told her Nate St. Germain didn't exist and told her his real name.
They'd gotten lucky that a noise outside distracted him.
Paige had motioned for her to make a run for it, so she'd made a beeline for the front door and started racing through the woods. She knew he would come after her. She just had to outrun him.
She couldn't get a signal on her phone, so she kept going. Lyndon ran after her. She followed the light from the lighthouse. If she could get a signal anywhere, that would be the place. She was at the top of the lighthouse when she heard her phone beep.
But her nightmare wasn't over yet. The instant the call connected, Nate leaped out of the shadows and tackled her. She dropped her phone. He raised his knife above her chest and plunged it forward, but she rolled out from under him.
They'd struggled for the knife, but in the end he ended up getting the sharp end.
Caleb had showed up shortly afterwards. He'd comforted a traumatized Emily, and he saw the minute Lyndon reached for the gun. He'd pushed Emily out of the way and had been shot.
It had been hell for everyone.
Alison's touch brought her back to the present.
"You okay?" Alison asked.
"Yeah." Emily smiled. "Just jitters."
She hated reliving the lighthouse. It was a nightmare.
Emily had done her research this time. When her mother talked about booking a place Emily asked politely to make sure it had cell service in case of an emergency and she had brought a hotspot as well.
Turns out, she hadn't needed to ask her mother to check the cell service. Pam had done her due diligence already. She'd almost lost her daughter the night Lyndon died, so she took every precaution in the world to make sure the cabin was safe.
"If it makes you feel any better I can check for monsters under the bed and make sure there are no big mean killers anywhere." Alison puffed her chest out and tightened her face into an intimidating scowl.
"My hero." Emily put the back of her hand against her forehead and fluttered her long lashes, embellishing her moves like a dainty little princess.
"I get it. I'm worried about Charlotte, too..." Alison trailed off. "I'm worried she'll go after the others. After Caleb."
He's the one who had the arsenal of weapons that Charlotte was so afraid of. Not that Charlotte knew that, but she had to at least suspect.
Caleb was also the person who had gotten hurt the last time he tried to help Emily when she was in a remote cabin.
"Or Hanna. Even Cheese. He's just an innocent cat…"
"There is no such thing as an innocent cat. They are all little asshats that we love despite them being asshats." Emily tried to make her feel better. "Cats are realistic. They don't bullshit. If they're little jerks they own it. I really respect that about them."
"Is this speech turning into how we should adopt our own little asshat cat?" Alison was amused.
"I wouldn't say no." Emily shrugged.
Alison laughed.
"I'm worried, too. But Sara can't be everywhere at once. And Hanna and Caleb can take care of each other and Cheese."
Emily had a point. Charlotte wasn't going anywhere near New York. And Emily had made it abundantly clear to Alison's sister that she had to cut off contact with Sara. She wasn't sure Charlotte would do it, but the fact that the calls and texts had stopped told her that Charlotte was scared enough of her threat to back off.
They turned and walked towards the kitchen.
Emily knew from the reservations that the owners had stocked it, but at some point she planned to make a run to the store to get a few things she knew Alison liked. There was one ten miles north of the cabin.
After they mulled about in the kitchen they went into the main bedroom. Alison dutifully walked over to the bed and pulled the large fluffy duvet up and peered under the bed.
"No monsters here. Only dust bunnies." She stood up with a smile on her face.
Emily laughed at the absurdity of her actions.
"You didn't check the closet." Emily teased.
"Pretty sure if this closet opens to another dimension it's not going to be monster world. It's going to be Narnia." She pointed out the window at the view of the trees.
"Oh, that white witch was wicked. I'd rather deal with the monsters." Emily grabbed the knob to pull open the closet door.
It was spacious, but didn't open into another world.
"I'll start unloading our things." Emily closed the closet and turned to face Alison.
The curtains had been closed. The blonde was perched against the edge of the bed, looking absolutely ravishing with a come hither look in her eyes.
"What's the rush?" She used the curve of one of her fur-lined boots to slide the other down by its heel. Then she kicked the other one off. "What do we need clothes for?"
Emily sauntered over to her and hovered over her. Alison leaned back and Emily followed, placing her hands on the mattress for support.
The echo of their lips smacking together made Emily smile into the kiss.
The cabin had a hollow sound that was going to be fun to test out when they were completely in the throes of passion.
Alison pulled her down on top of her and reached underneath her layers of clothing. Her skin felt like fire against her fingertips. Emily flinched at how cold it was at first, but then the sensation of the surprise turned into pleasure.
Alison felt like she was sinking into a warm whirlpool. The mattress was even softer than the one in her old bedroom.
She remembered the day her mother had bought her that bed. Her father thought it was ludicrous to spend so much money on a mattress, but her mom never batted an eye.
A flash of her nightmare weaseled its way into her brain.
Her mother's rotting flesh.
Her cloudy blue eyes.
An accusatory finger.
Charlotte taunting her, burying her.
She didn't realize she had gone stiff beneath Emily's weight until the brunette pulled back. She lifted herself off of Alison.
"Why did you stop?" Alison sat up.
She wanted Emily to help her push away her intrusive thoughts.
"Because you're not okay, and I think we need to talk about it before it gets worse." Emily sat against the edge of the mattress, taking the same position she'd taken the day she'd left Rosewood for Malibu.
"Of course I'm not okay." Alison didn't argue. "Would you be okay if your sister murdered your mother and lied to you about it for years?" She realized her tone was coming across more harsh than she meant for it to. "Sorry. I know you're going through this with me. I'm just…I don't know."
Emily knew she wasn't trying to be disrespectful. Her bravado was just a show to protect her soft insides.
"Talk to me, babe." Emily kissed her.
"About what?" She was frustrated, because all she wanted was sex. But Emily's morals and values were so annoyingly noble.
"Charlotte. Your mom." Emily bit her lip. "All of it."
"I already told you I'm not mad at you."
"I know. It's not about that. We just didn't really touch on anything else after I told you about the visit. You must be dealing with a lot."
"I just want to forget about it." Alison put her hands in her lap, unsure of what to do with the nervous energy coursing through her.
"That didn't really do me much good when my dad died." Emily cupped Alison's knee with her palm.
The gesture was comforting.
"I shouldn't have had sex with you the night you found out." Alison realized now that Emily was irrational with grief that she shouldn't have given in to Emily's demands after she found out about her dad.
"What? Where did that come from? I'm not saying that at all. It was…cathartic." Emily searched for the right word. "I wanted to. In that moment you were the only thing that made sense to me. Just like last night with you."
"But?" Alison sensed a but coming.
"But nothing. You couldn't reach me that night. You did what you had to do to reach me." Emily shifted her hand away from Alison's knee and on to her fidgeting fingers. "This is me trying to reach you."
Alison stared at her, amazed by her perception. Perhaps it was just because she'd been through a rollercoaster of emotions after her father died, but Emily had a rare glimpse of her soul.
"I don't want to cry again." Alison pursed her lips.
"I don't care if you cry."
"I know. But I don't like it when I cry when I'm angry. It makes me angrier." She laughed, but the laughter was cold. She lifted her head and slowly looked into Emily's eyes. "I just don't understand why she did it. I think maybe if I knew why…" Her face twisted in confusion. "I don't know. I think I'm trying to make sense of something that will never make sense, you know?"
"Yeah." Emily sighed. "There is a lot I don't understand about the things that happen in life. Like…logically, I knew my dad was in danger every day. But when I found out he was killed I didn't understand how that was possible. It's like there was a disconnect."
"Exactly." Alison nodded. "It's why Jason can't let go of his childhood with Charlotte. And I think it might be the reason I stayed in Rosewood with her instead of moving on. I was desperately looking for answers I am never going to get. But with my mom…it's different. It's unresolved. I don't know why Charlotte did it. It haunts me."
She curled in on herself, looking absolutely pitiful. Emily reached for her hand and she straightened up again.
"The last time I saw my mother she was standing over my grave choosing Charlotte over me. I thought I'd made my peace with it, but I apparently haven't. When I came home from New York I wanted to ask her so many things. But mostly…I just wanted to hug her. Do you think that's weird?" Alison peered at her girlfriend.
"No. You'd been gone for a long time. I know your relationship with her was complex."
"Charlotte took that chance away from me. She did it just as I was coming back home…like she was punishing me. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault my mom died. Maybe Charlotte would have left her alone if I had stayed away."
Emily hugged her, sensing that she needed the comfort.
"Your mother's death is not your fault."
"I know." Alison cleared her throat and managed a sad smile. "But I'll still never know what really happened or know why she did the things she did. And that bothers me."
"That's understandable." Emily leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
Alison's weak little smile turned into the real deal.
"You were very sweet with me last night. I appreciate you listening to me." She gripped Emily's bicep.
"It's kind of in the girlfriend's handbook." Emily winked.
"Oh…there's a handbook? Why didn't anyone ever tell me this?" Alison bumped into Emily's shoulder playfully. "What's it called?"
Emily didn't skip a beat as she grinned,
"The Kama Sutra."
Emily managed to get a giggle out of Alison.
"You weren't exactly thinking about The Kama Sutra a few minutes ago when I was trying to ravish you." Alison feigned a frown.
"I felt you tense up and cry." Emily looked at her sadly. "I'm all for being there for you like I was last night, but I don't think either one of us should lean on sex instead of talking things over. We relied way too much on the physical elements of our relationship when we were younger and we never talked about things. I don't want to go back to that."
"I do appreciate that you care enough to make me go through these therapy sessions." Alison smiled and leaned against Emily. "And you're right. I was in my head."
"And now?" Emily asked.
"Still in my head a bit, but I feel a little better." She looked up at Emily. "I think I want to send the audio to Jason…and maybe the cops. My mother deserves closure."
"Okay." Emily slowly nodded.
"But I want to spend a few days here without it hanging over my head. If I still feel that way when we get back to Malibu then I'll know it's the right thing to do." She quietly processed her decision.
She had to do it out of respect for her mother and not to get back at Charlotte. It had to be for the right reasons. People deserved to know the truth.
"Plus we'll be 3000 miles away." Something suddenly occurred to the blonde. "Oh…but your mom and Toby. She would hurt them to get back at us for this."
She'd already proved to be ruthless...vandalizing Wayne's grave.
"We'll figure something out."
Alison laid her head against Emily's shoulder. The mood had pretty much passed. They both knew the passion would flare up again eventually.
Alison slipped her boots back on and they went out to get their luggage. Emily traveled light, but Alison's bags looked like they contained her entire wardrobe.
After everything had been unloaded they went out on the back deck to admire the view.
Alison leaned against the railing, watching curiously as her breath came out in puffs of white fog dissipating into the air. Normally she'd be shivering in the cold, but she had gotten a work-out in unloading and unpacking her luggage. She also had Emily right beside her…radiating her warmth.
"This is absolutely breathtaking." Alison stared at the mountain in the distance.
She had been to the Poconos before, but there was something unique about experiencing it with someone she actually loved.
"So are you." Emily's arm brushed up against Alison's.
"You flirt." Alison shoved her playfully. She held her phone up and started snapping photos of the scenery. "I think I'm going to post some of these pictures if you're okay with it. I'll make sure the location is off and that I set it for a limited audience."
"You know you don't have to ask me permission to live your life, right?" Emily wrapped her arm around Alison's shoulder. "It's sweet, but I know you're in the spotlight. I chose that when I chose you."
She was used to Alison sharing content. It didn't bother her.
Alison smiled at her. She wasn't surprised by Emily's agreeable nature. Alison only said something because she wanted to respect Emily's boundaries.
"I have an irrational fear of Charlotte using things I post against us." Alison admitted.
"That's not irrational at all." Emily had learned that Charlotte was capable of anything.
"We shouldn't let her dictate our lives though." Alison stared at the screen of her phone.
She was still waiting for Charlotte to come back to life…virtually…to torment her.
"Let me see your phone for a minute." Emily extended her hand.
Alison wouldn't hand over her phone to just anyone. Emily was the only person she trusted with her social media content.
"Why? What do you have up your sleeve?" Alison gently slapped her phone into Emily's palm.
"No magic." Emily lifted her phone. She pulled up the camera app. "Just you and me."
The brunette positioned Alison against the railing, the blonde's back against the gorgeous backdrop of the mountains. Then Emily slid next to her and turned the front-facing camera on, capturing the two of them together with the snowy mountain as a backdrop. She took several shots. When she was satisfied she handed the phone back to Alison.
"You can post whatever you want. I'm done living our lives in fear." Emily planted a kiss on her lips.
Alison thought about it for a moment. She scrolled through the pictures and looked at their smiling faces.
After a few minutes she decided against publicizing their relationship for the whole world to see. It wasn't because she was ashamed of Emily. She just wanted to protect what they had.
"I want to keep these moments between us." She pecked Emily's cheek. "Maybe I'll make a second account for just friends and family to share it with."
"I'm surprised you haven't done that yet." It was a logical solution for when people in the public eye wanted to keep their real lives private.
"I didn't really have friends and family when my career took off." None that she wanted to claim anyway. "But I do now."
"I support whatever you want to do." Emily drew her girlfriend in for a hug.
Her heated body was so inviting. Alison felt like she was being drawn into a hot bonfire when Emily touched her.
"One thing I've found about social media is that it really sucks to be open and vulnerable. All I want to do is protect you." Alison trailed her fingers up along Emily's coat sleeve.
"I'm not surprised." Emily admitted. "We've spent our whole lives protecting each other…for good reason. But maybe we can ease up on certain things."
"Why? What has changed?"
"Nothing. We're just learning how to move forward."
"Are you sure?" Alison expressed her doubts. She had learned that nothing was set in stone.
Emily pursed her lips in thought. She had spent so many years of her life hiding from the world. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that Alison's job required the opposite of that. The blonde had always been very considerate of her aversion to social media.
Emily had simply been uninterested in technology and sharing her life online.
Years of being stalked and tortured will do that to a person…She thought to herself.
But Emily didn't fault others for wanting to share the good things going on in their lives.
Aria was the most active because of her book, but she kept her personal life separate. It was a good healthy balance.
The trick to being on social media was not judging someone solely by what they shared with their followers. Some people were really good at the balancing act. Some people put everything out there, which was a little terrifying for Emily.
Social media could be very dangerous. She told her kids at the LGBTQ Alliance all the time to be mindful. She didn't want to judge them. She only wanted to educate them of the dangerous aspects of being online. She wanted to make the world better.
Max was one of her harshest critics, but not in a bad way. He just told her that everyone lived their lives online and that even when people were private that their information could be found with a simple Google search.
"Something I learned after going out to California is that it doesn't matter how far you run or how much you hide…if people want to find you they can find you." Emily pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her gallery.
She turned away so Alison couldn't see her screen, which naturally piqued the blonde's curiosity.
Emily was lost in her phone for a couple of minutes. It was just long enough for Alison's impatience to kick in.
"What are you doing?" Alison asked.
"Wait for it." Emily tapped her screen, her brows creased in concentration.
She swiped her finger across her phone and then tapped it a single time.
Alison's phone buzzed and when she looked at the screen she saw an alert that Emily had posted something on Instagram.
"You never post on Instagram." Alison glanced at the alert.
She didn't have a ton of followers. Most people didn't even know she had the account. And it was private.
Alison's screen came to life. She pulled up an image of the two of them in Rosewood bundled up and walking through a snowy embankment.
Her heart swelled.
It was two days ago. They'd taken a walk together and Emily had snapped a selfie of them. It wasn't unusual for her to take pictures. She took them all the time. But it was very unusual for her to post them. She hadn't tagged Alison or their location and she hadn't used any hashtags, which showed Alison that Emily had been listening to her when it came to their privacy. Only Emily's small following could see.
Alison smiled when she read the caption.
Looking forward to a New Year and new adventures in love. Be kind to one another.
It was the first post Emily had put up since her dad died. She'd honored him with a simple photo with the caption,
I love you, dad.
There were two pictures in the post. One of her dad holding her when she was a baby and another of him in his fatigues with his arms wrapped around her and her mother. It had been on one of his visits home.
The rest of her feed was just ocean views and sunsets. Sometimes food.
Alison smiled at her and hit the like button.
Within minutes Aria, Hanna, and Spencer had liked it, too.
"You are full of surprises, Emily Fields." Alison lowered her phone and moved in to kiss her.
She heard Emily's phone chime and saw that Samara and Zoe had both liked the post, too. Max followed suit commenting with way too many heart emojis and a,
You crawled out of your cave and have found civilization again!
Alison responded to his comment,
Remember…her profile is only for the elite. Members only. No one else.
He replied,
Of course! I love you both so much. I'd never do anything to hurt you. You're my OTP, remember?
"He is adorable." Alison was smiling at her phone. "See…social media isn't all terrible."
"I never thought it was. It was just never my thing. It never will be."
"Well then…what is your thing?"
Emily wrapped her arms around Alison.
"You."
"Better than social media." Alison nodded in approval.
"Much better." Emily smiled.
Emily's phone started to ring. At first she assumed it was one of her friends calling to squeal in excitement about the photo. They had all come around to the idea of Emily and Alison being together. They were happy that the two of them were happy.
When she saw her mom's picture flash across the screen she grimaced.
"I forgot to call my mom. I told her I'd let her know we got here okay." Emily looked at the phone sheepishly. "She worries."
"She's right to worry." Alison scoffed. "There are psychos out there who hate us. And…you know…I terrified her with my nightmare last night."
Emily slid her finger across the screen to answer.
"Hey mom."
"Hey, Em. Are you girls there yet?" The motherly concern in her tone was something that Emily realized that she would be hearing for the rest of her life.
"Yeah. The trip was fine."
"Good. I kept my eyes on the weather after you left." She had been on the couch clutching a cup of hot tea since they'd pulled out of the driveway. "The snow has let up a lot here. I think you got a majority of it up there." There was a shuffling noise, the muffled sounds of her footsteps as she walked to the front door. She moved to unlock it, but paused. "That's strange."
"It's strange that it snowed more in the mountains than in Rosewood?" Emily frowned in confusion.
Alison loved the way Emily looked when she was perplexed. She was like an adorable puppy staring at her reflection in water.
"I think you may have left the front door unlocked." Pam pulled the door open and walked out on to her front porch to get a view of the light dusting of snow.
Emily felt a painful electrical jolt in her chest. A gnawing sensation bubbled in her stomach. Her mother was all alone in Rosewood. And before Emily left town she pissed off the most dangerous person in their lives. But surely Charlotte knew that if she did anything to her mother Emily would end her.
She was starting to wonder if she'd been short-sighted in visiting her.
Her voice cracked when she responded,
"I'm pretty sure I locked it."
She had, hadn't she?
Was it possible that she'd been so wrapped up in the trip and coming down from the stress and anxiety of seeing Charlotte that she just forgot to lock it?
Not everything is going to burn down. She had to remind herself.
Just because she'd stoked the flames of one fire and watched it burn in Charlotte's eyes did not mean that fires were just going to start popping up.
Alison touched her hand and mouthed "You okay?"
Emily nodded, but Alison knew it was a lie.
"Well, it was unlocked. Did you forget something and come back for it?" Pam asked.
"Yeah. Probably." She didn't want to scare her mother.
She wasn't sure what her mom would think of her if she heard the conversation she'd had with Charlotte.
Pam walked back inside the house and locked the door. Emily heard a beeping sound on the other end of the phone.
"I won't keep you." The older woman said, "I just wanted to make sure that you and Alison made it there safely."
"Thanks." Emily tried to force a smile on her face. "You turned the alarm on, right?"
That was what she'd heard chirping on the phone line.
"Of course."
"And you still have the pistol in your nightstand?"
Most of her father's guns were locked away in a safe, but her mother kept one in her bedroom in case of an emergency.
"Yes…why? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. I just worry about you in that house…all alone. I'm sorry I left the door unlocked. Anything could have happened to you."
Alison's eyes widened.
"Is she okay?" She mouthed to Emily.
Emily nodded.
"Baby, I've been alone in this house for three years. And it's relatively safe here."
I'm not so sure about that.
"I'm used to being on my own. I'll be okay." Her answer twisted something in Emily's stomach. She felt like she'd abandoned her mom. "I'm going out for drinks with Ashley tonight."
At least she wasn't entirely alone.
"You should stay over at her house." Emily suggested. "And invite Ella."
"You're acting like your father." Pam laughed, a soft undertone in her voice. "I can Uber home like a big girl."
"I know. I just thought she could use the company. Ted's out of town on the charity retreat for his church, isn't he? She'd love it. And Aria told me that her mom gets bored by herself sometimes. I'm sure she could use a night out."
Her mom was alone. Ashley was alone. And Aria's mom, Ella, lived by herself in a studio bedroom apartment. Veronica was rarely in town, but when she was they all got together.
"That's a very good point. You're a very thoughtful child."
Thoughtful…trying to keep you from getting murdered…fine line.
"The security cams will keep our house company." Emily smiled.
Emily had insisted on installing them before she left town.
Her mother couldn't exactly say no after everything they had been through. Her father had been a step ahead of her, having already purchased the cameras. He didn't play around when it came to their security.
"You two have fun."
"Thank you so much for doing this for us. I love you. Tell Ashley and Ella I said hi."
"I will. I love you, too."
After she hung up Emily exhaled a heavy breath, watching it fog up the air in front of her.
"What was that about?" A crease formed between Alison's brow. "The front door was unlocked?"
"I forgot to lock it." Emily grimaced.
"I saw you lock it." Alison disagreed.
"Maybe I turned the key the wrong way. God, I can't believe I was so careless."
"Hey…" Alison reached out and stroked her arm. "Give yourself a break. You have a lot going on."
"Yeah." Lines wrinkled Emily's forehead and she tried to remember leaving the house. "Maybe mom stepped out at some point to look at the snow and forgot to lock it." Emily tried to rationalize.
"You don't think…" Alison chewed on her lip, "…it couldn't have been Sara, right? Your mom was awake when we left. Sara wouldn't have been able to get past her."
"Unless my mom fell asleep on the couch…which she does sometimes." Emily worried at her bottom lip. "I'm overthinking this. I'm just stressed."
She turned her phone screen towards her and pulled up her chat with Toby.
Do you mind checking in on my mom the next few days?
She didn't want to raise any red flags. Fortunately, it wasn't unusual for her to ask Toby to go by her mother's place.
Yeah. Of course. Everything okay? You worried someone might mess with her? I'll fuck 'em up.
Just a precaution. She'll be with Ashley and Ella tonight. But I'd appreciate you stopping by the house just to make sure she's okay. She's had a tough time since my dad died. And I know she's thinking about him a lot since it's our first holiday season without him. And she's going to be by herself on New Years for the first time.
It wasn't a lie. She was technically sending Toby to check on her for more than one reason. She just didn't reveal the other reasons.
But he knew.
Not to mention the psycho running around town vandalizing your dad's grave and destroying Christmas like the Grinch from Hell.
Of course he would see through her.
You seen Sara or Wren around lately?
I know it's sexist for a man to say the word bitch about a woman, so…no…haven't seen the Liar-Liar-Pants-On-Fire around.
As a woman, I give you permission to call Sara anything you want. You can call her a bitch.
Nah, I like Liar-Liar-Pants-On-Fire better. As for Wren, I did see him when I was visiting my mom at the graveyard on Christmas. He was leaving as I was getting there.
He's so morbid. Why is he there all the time?
Beats me. I asked Bud and he said that he sees him pretty often, but he doesn't bother anyone so he leaves him alone. Your dad's grave and Alison's mom's little mausoleum area are fine.
Thanks for checking in. I really appreciate it. And thank you for looking out for my mom.
Don't worry, Em. I'll always take care of her. She's the only reason I have table manners and know which eating utensil goes where.
So she put you through the same Cotillion classes I went through as a child.
A what class?
Never mind. Love you. Thank you for being such a good friend.
No prob. You two make it to the mountains?
We did.
Stay warm.
He followed it up with a cheeky emoji winking at her.
Emily felt a little better knowing that Toby was around. She was certain she was overreacting and that in the rush to leave she had just overlooked locking the door.
Still, it needled her mind as they unpacked their things and ate their lunch.
By the time nighttime rolled around they were both tired, so they decided to settle into the living room with some wine and snuggling.
It had been a rough couple of days for both of them, so connecting intimately was just what they needed.
They curled up on the large loveseat next to the crackling fire in the fireplace. They'd had a lot of fun starting it. California was usually hot as hell. They didn't often get a chance to sit by the fire, unless it was a beach bonfire. But there was something different about being alone together next to a small fire that brought out the best in life.
The shades were drawn to give them their privacy and the lighting was low, creating an elegant ambiance.
Two identical glasses of wine were sitting on the table in front of them. One had about a quarter of a glass left. The other was nearly full.
Alison had indulged. It was her second glass.
Emily was taking it slow, because she knew she had a propensity to over-do it since her father died. Alison's concerns about her drinking weren't totally invalid. Finding out that Alison had witnessed her blackouts when she was younger was a sobering thought. She clearly had a problem with using alcohol as a crutch and she was going to work on that.
She couldn't stop thinking about the door to her mother's house being unlocked. She'd been distracted by that thought all day.
"What would you say to your dad if he was here right now?" Alison's eyes slowly tracked away from the fire and towards Emily's eyes.
"Well…" The brunette had a peculiar expression on her face that melted into a soft smile, "…first I would ask him why he was with us on our romantic getaway where we most certainly will be having wild tantric sex."
Alison snorted out a laugh. Emily was anything but wild and tantric. She was soft and sweet and caring. Sometimes Alison had to ask her for more in the bedroom, because the brunette was so careful with her.
Sometimes Alison wondered what Emily had been like with her other girlfriends. But she quickly purged that idea from her mind.
She'd made peace with the fact that there were other girls before her. She had been intimidated by Maya at first when she saw her from afar, but then she saw how happy she made Emily, so she learned to live with it. She had never warmed to Paige. And she had wanted to kill Talia, who had been a grown married adult using Emily to explore her sexuality when Emily was in high school. She had learned to love Samara. Samara and Zoe were good people. She never would have guessed she'd be friends with one of Emily's exes, but she really did like Samara.
"You know what I mean." Alison leaned her weight into Emily and then pulled back a little bit. "If you could see him again, what would you say?"
"I'd hug him. I miss hugging him. And I'd tell him I miss him and that I love him." She quietly hummed to herself as she reminisced. "I'd want to hear him tell one of his dorky dad jokes. I'd give anything for him to watch me try to do my Algebra homework and say 'You know, Emmy, I wish math would grow up and solve its own problems' and then wink and pretend to hit a drum cymbal. He would laugh so hard at his own jokes."
The pun generated a grimace and a laugh from Alison. It was completely corny. And it's the kind of thing Emily would say to her when she was in a bad mood. Emily was a lot like her father. She had inherited the best of him.
Alison was afraid of what she'd inherited from her own parents.
Emily hugged her a little tighter as she thought about the unimaginable odds that both of them would both lose a parent so young. And it wasn't only them. Toby had lost his mother when he was a little boy. They were all scarred from the deaths.
Toby had always been haunted by his mother's death. He'd been so little when it happened. Kids processed entirely differently.
Emily was learning that fighting her way out of her grief and despair wasn't linear. Good things happened and there were good days, but that didn't mean that suddenly everything was all better and that all the bad days were behind you.
She still hadn't gotten back on track at school. She was barely skating by. It was frustrating, because she only had spring semester left. Technically, she could bomb and still find a decent job, but it hurt her chances at furthering her education and getting an advanced position.
It was more complex for Alison, because she had lost her entire family. Though her father and siblings were still alive, she had lost them all the same. She still grieved them despite what terrible people they were.
"I'd ask my mom if she was scared. I worry that when she was dying she was alone and afraid." Alison's bottom lip quivered.
Emily peered at her, but didn't respond. Alison was certain she probably thought she was insane for loving terrible people. Then again, she'd been a mean person and Emily had loved her even then.
But that wasn't what was on Emily's mind at all.
"What?" Alison asked. "What's that look for?"
"I'm just surprised that you don't realize that the capacity of love you have for others in your heart. It never ceases to amaze me." Emily kissed her temple.
Alison hadn't been expecting that response.
"Even after people hurt you…you still find compassion for them." Emily stroked her fingers through Alison's hair.
Alison smiled sweetly at her.
"You loved me when I was at my worst. That really opened my eyes to the way I treated others. I was insecure when I was younger and I lashed out to hide those insecurities. I felt like I needed power to make people love me. You were the first person who loved me for me. I can never thank you enough for that." Alison played with Emily's fingertips.
"For loving you?" Emily asked in confusion.
"For showing me how to love back."
Emily's cheeks burned, a bashful look in her eyes.
"I may have planted the seed, but you made it happen. You nurtured it and let it grow. You deserve all the credit for allowing yourself to love." Emily reached for her glass, twirling it gently before taking a sip.
"You know…I keep asking myself if my mom loved me." Alison reached for her wine to polish it off. "Like I mentioned earlier, I had so much I wanted to say to her when I got back."
"Like what?" Emily put her glass down and turned her attention back to the blonde.
"That I was mad as hell at her, but that I forgave her. I had a lot of time to think about what she'd done while I was on the run. I was scared and felt so alone back then. I know that even though she hurt me she loved me. I would have told her that. I would have told her I know she grieved for me."
"She was absolutely lost without you." Emily squeezed her hand. "I was, too."
"Sometimes I wonder if she was upset that I was gone or if she was just hoping not to get caught. I would have confronted her about why she covered up my murder and why she didn't help me. She didn't even check my pulse. Charlotte didn't either."
Emily cringed. When she'd heard the gripping tale of what Alison had gone through the night she went missing she felt sick to her stomach.
"Really…mostly what I wanted…" Alison's tone softened, "…I just wanted her to tell me she loved me."
"She loved you, Ali. She told me that she knew I loved you as much as she did."
"I think you might love me more." Alison murmured against the nape of Emily's neck, pressing a kiss against her soft skin.
"I don't know. Mothers and daughters have a really special connection. Even when they're going through phases of hating each other they still love each other. I was so devastated by the way my mom treated me after I came out. I remember thinking I would never love her again and that she wouldn't ever love me either. We fought so much. I stopped talking to her. I didn't even tell her that Paige's father came to school and made homophobic remarks about me in a cafeteria full of people."
"What a fucking asshole." Alison growled in anger.
She had half a mind to look up Paige's father and send him a gag gift full of tiny little dick-shaped cutouts. Or put a bomb in his car. It could go either way for her. No one hurt Emily Fields and got away with it.
"That's pretty much the reaction my mom had. I didn't tell her, and when she found out about it she completely lost it on Paige's dad. The entire school saw it. She defended me. Threatened to fight him in the parking lot. I had never seen her so angry. I think he peed himself a little." Emily chuckled.
"I would. Your mother can be terrifying." Alison had only ever seen the softer side of Pam Fields, but she knew that she had a dormant ferocity when it came to her child. "So what happened?"
"He backed down and apologized. My mother asked me why I didn't tell her what he'd done, and when she realized I thought she wouldn't care I could see the heartbreak in her eyes. I think she realized in that moment that she was losing me. And it took that to bring us back together again. I mean…I know none of this compares to what you went through with your mom…" Emily trailed off.
Jessica DiLaurentis's sins were far worse.
"All I'm saying is that mothers and daughters…they're complicated. But she did love you. I could see it in her eyes. I could hear it when she talked about you. She used to think she was seeing you everywhere."
"I did everything in my power to stay away from her." At the time it seemed like the right thing to do.
But maybe things could have been different if she'd gone to her mother and just asked for the truth.
"Do you think I made a mistake?" Alison stared at her empty wine glass.
She wanted more to drink, but she didn't want to move from her comfy spot. Emily was so warm. And the fire made them both even warmer.
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe I should have just asked my mom why she did it. If I hadn't run away maybe Mona never would have started the game back up." She drew patterns into Emily's skin with her fingertips.
"I think you coped the only way you knew how." Emily took a thoughtful breath. "I think you were afraid and traumatized. You were just a kid. I don't know how I would have reacted if it had been me."
"Did you ever think about running away?" When Alison looked into Emily's eyes she saw so many hidden emotions.
Emily slowly nodded.
"A few times. When Mona was goading me into turning on Aria in exchange for letting me out of the game she was playing. I got a text at three in the morning with the offer. I took off and started running through the woods. I ran for hours. But I never left town. I couldn't leave."
"Your loyalty won out." Alison smiled.
Emily was stubbornly loyal, sometimes at her own expense.
"It won out that time." Emily hesitated. The expression in her eyes darkened. "But there was another time when I seriously considered it. It was right after my parents found out I was gay. My mom blamed Maya. It hurt so much to hear the things she said. And it also made me angry. I was angry enough to leave home. I can be irrational when I'm upset."
"But you still stayed."
"I wanted to disappear and never come back." Her pain was evident in her tone.
"Disappearing is not all it's cracked up to be." Alison tried to lighten the mood.
She earned a tiny smile from the brunette and considered it a victory.
"You don't ever feel like that now, do you?" Alison asked.
"No." Her answer was fast and decisive. She didn't even have to think about it. "Do you?"
Alison shook her head.
"I never want to leave you behind again."
"What if we both went?" Emily reached for her wine glass, peering into it like the liquid inside held untold answers to the universe.
"I'm not that scared of Charlotte. If anything, learning that she killed my mom has instilled a new seething hatred in my veins for her." She clenched her jaw.
"It's not just Charlotte. Or Sara." Emily admitted.
"Em, you're not serious, are you?" Alison thought they were just talking hypothetically.
"I don't know anymore. I've just kind of felt lost the past few months. I'm scared I'm not going to be able to catch back up in school." Emily grimaced. "I barely made it through this semester."
She had not been able to get invested in school since her father's death. She deduced that some of it might have had to do with the fact that she had completely fallen apart in the Administrative office after learning about her dad.
"I feel really shitty telling you this." Emily scrunched her nose and mouth.
"Why would you ever feel bad about sharing your feelings with me?" Alison stroked her knuckles.
"Because I know that finding out about your mom has opened up all of your old wounds. I know you need me right now. I shouldn't be whining about school." A sheepish expression flushed across her face.
"I don't want you to put yourself last. If you need to vent then vent. We can have a full on bitch-fest about everything in our lives."
It was so blunt and to the point that Emily let out a surprised laugh.
Alison sat up and reached for the wine bottle, giving in and pouring herself an extra glass.
"Let's toast to our angsty lives." She held her glass up in the air. "May the new year squash all the bad into a pile of soggy mush and then be trampled on by wild horses."
Emily's glass clinked against hers and they both took a delicate sip. They put their glasses back down and Alison moved back into her inviting arms.
"You know what I really want to do?" She turned to whisper in the brunette's ear.
"What?" Emily's lips twitched into a smile.
She knew what Alison was going to say by the sultry tone in her voice.
"I want to forget about my mother and my sister and my entire crappy family and finish what we started in the bedroom earlier." Her moist lips brushed against Emily's sweet spot between her neck and shoulder.
Emily's skin prickled and she let out a shudder of pleasure.
The moment they had lost back in the bedroom had returned…and it had returned with vigor.
Emily turned to face Alison. She cupped her chin between her thumb and index finger and tilted her head up so she could see her eyes.
The moment Alison locked eyes with her she leaned forward and kissed her.
At first it was gentle, but her confidence pushed her to deepen it. Alison reached up and wrapped her arms around Emily's neck, pushing her chest flush against Emily's.
Emily gently pulled back and brushed Alison's hair away from her neck and peppered the hollow of her throat with kisses, trailing kisses down to her collar bone and then up to her ear.
A fire bubbled inside both of them.
Alison clawed at Emily's flannel shirt, her fingers expertly popping the buttons open until it slid off of her body.
Alison took control, pushing Emily to lay flat and climbing on top of her. There was more than enough room for both of them on the loveseat. Alison pulled her oversized pajama shirt off, which was just one of Emily's old shirts. She wore her clothes a lot when they weren't out in the public eye. Emily had opted for a very comfortable wardrobe. And it often offered easy access in the bedroom, something she was very thankful for in that moment.
She slid her fingertips against Emily's warm abdomen, tracing her ribs. Another one of Emily's erogenous zones. She watched Emily's jaw fall slack. She slowly cupped her breasts with her palms. Then her hands trailed further up, her fingers splaying out on the sides of her neck.
Emily pulled her down, holding her in a long passionate kiss.
Alison felt Emily's body shifting beneath her, moving against her. She felt a heat pooling in her stomach, slowly gravitating down into her pelvis.
They had found their rhythm in no time.
Alison moaned into Emily's mouth when she felt her fingers sinking into her sweatpants and dipping into her underwear. The blonde's palm shifted between them until she was cupping Emily's right breast, her finger circling her nipple.
She felt Emily's shaky breaths against her lips. Alison mewled when she felt Emily's fingers moving.
She pulled back to catch her breath. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened, her crystal blue irises reflecting the flames from the fire.
Emily was gentle. She took her time, letting Alison savor the moment.
The blonde was floating, suspended in time. Every nerve ending in her body was pulsing. The sensation moved her to chase the high. The atmosphere was wildly orgasmic.
When she came back to reality she was collapsing against Emily's body, reveling in the feeling of Emily's lips against her temple and hearing a soft declaration coming from her mouth.
"I love you," The brunette whispered.
Alison was surprised how quickly she regained her stamina, but after hearing Emily say those three magical words she was kissing her again. She pecked her lips, the side of her jaw, her pulse point on her neck. She trailed kisses down against her shoulder, pausing at a scar that she'd gotten in the Dollhouse. It made her so angry that she wanted to scream.
But she kissed the blemish instead and continued moving her lips down across the brunette's body. She stopped at her chest, taking the time to give her breasts the proper attention.
Her mouth did things to Emily that wracked her entire body. She barely even registered when Alison moved further down and started tugging on her pajama bottoms. The blanket beneath them shifted and the loveseat creaked.
When the pajamas were off Alison pushed Emily's legs up, her knees folding up towards her top half.
Emily clutched the couch cushion, digging her fingers into the thick leather material as she tried to focus on not passing out from the pleasure.
Alison had been always been good in bed, but she was getting much better. At first Alison had been a little timid about how to do things. She'd mostly only been with men. But being with Emily taught her so much.
And she was a very quick study.
When Emily couldn't hold out any longer she muttered out Alison's name. A warm vibration flowed through her body. When she was finally still Alison peered up at her with a confident and cocky smile.
Emily smiled back and reached for her, pulling her in for more. Their lips met again in between a fit of heated breaths. The brunette rolled out from underneath Alison and pinned her to the loveseat.
That was just the start of their evening.
For hours they got lost in the night. And by the time it was over their bodies were sore and aching in the best way.
It hadn't been wild and tantric, but passionate and full of meaning. Alison liked the connection they had when they were kind and gentle with one another.
Their clothes were strewn about the entire living room. They huddled under a thick wool blanket, their bodies flush and hot and sweaty.
Alison kissed Emily's shoulder and murmured,
"I love you."
Emily wrapped her arms around her and said it back.
Alison was dizzy and tired from all the wine and the physical endurance.
It wasn't long after her I love you that she was breathing softly and evenly against Emily's neck.
The brunette knew she was asleep by the cute little sounds coming out of her mouth.
She felt her own eyelids getting heavy.
The last thing she saw before she was in the dark was the dwindling fire.
Fire.
Flames.
Thick heavy smoke.
She ran down the hallway with her friends, desperately searching for Mona as their tomb burned with them inside of it.
"No. We are not going to die down here." Spencer had obstinately stated.
"We can't leave without Mona!" Hanna cried. "MONA! MONA! Where are you?"
"Mona!" Aria echoed Hanna's cries.
Emily stopped when they rounded the corner, something occurring to her.
The hole.
The pit.
"Mona!" She ran down an adjacent hallway.
The others followed, shouting her name.
"Help me!" A meek little voice.
The voice didn't sound like the confident Mona Vanderwaal that they knew, but they knew it was her.
They ran towards the pit, surprised to find the door open.
Mona was curled up in a ball at the bottom.
"Oh my God." Aria had recoiled in shock.
"We're here!" Hanna called down to her.
The tiny brunette lifted her head weakly. She clearly hadn't had food or water in days.
"You came." She blinked blankly.
Smoke billowed into the room.
"We have to get out of here. The place is burning down." Spencer motioned for Mona to get up.
Ever the pragmatic person, Spencer looked around for something they could use to pull her out.
Mona climbed to her feet, barely able to stand.
Emily had doubts that she would be able to clutch something long enough for them to pull her out.
As Spencer was ripping the curtains and trying to fashion them into a rope, Emily was wavering on a decision.
"Will it work?" Hanna asked.
"It has to." Spencer tossed it over the edge.
It was just out of Mona's reach.
"Damn it." Spencer leaned forward, trying to lower it more.
Mona made a feeble attempt to grab it, but she was unsteady on her feet.
"Hang on!" Emily climbed over the side of the pit, and before anyone could stop her she was leaping down next to Mona.
She heard her friends shouting her name and heard Spencer calling her reckless, which was not unexpected. Spencer hated it when Emily did impulsive things that could result in her getting hurt.
"Emily." Mona looked surprised to see her.
"Hey, I'm going to give you a boost." Emily motioned for Mona to close the space between them.
"Hurry!" Aria cried, her eyes darting back towards the hallway.
They could feel the heat of the flames.
Emily leaned down and created a foothold for Mona to step into. She was able to give the other girl just enough of a boost for her to get a firm grip on the makeshift rope.
It pulled taut and the girls got ready to heave her up to her freedom.
Mona looked back down at Emily.
"Just don't let go." Emily started to lift her.
Mona was small. She didn't weigh much and was not hard to support. But Emily could feel her muscles and bones aching from the month-long torture fest. Her hands were shaking, but she managed to continue pushing as the girls pulled.
She let go of Mona's foot and watched as she crawled over the edge, Aria and Hanna gripping her as Spencer held the curtains steady.
When Mona was out Spencer tossed the curtains back down to Emily.
Emily put her foot against the side of the pit for leverage and then grabbed the curtains.
She didn't have anyone beneath her to help gain the upward momentum, but she knew her friends would get her out.
The fabric started to rip.
Spencer clenched her teeth as she watched it happening.
"Come on, Em!" Hanna yelped.
Emily's hand grasped the side of the opening of the pit just as the tear ripped open.
She felt the makeshift rope slip past her and into the pit.
Her friends dove forward to grab her and pull her up.
She fell next to Mona on the floor, breathing hard.
Spencer was glaring at her when she made it to her feet.
"Yell at me later." Emily brushed herself off.
Something exploded in the general vicinity.
"We have to go. Now." Spencer glanced at Hanna, who was pulling Mona to her feet and helping her stand.
Aria sidled up next to Mona's other side and they made a beeline for the door.
Spencer and Emily followed.
Spencer took charge, racing down a hallway that ended at a wall that had ladder rungs that led to somewhere above ground.
The smoke was black and heavy and hanging in the air around them.
It burned their lungs.
Their eyes started to water.
If they didn't make it out soon they would suffocate.
Spencer covered her mouth with her T-shirt and took a breath. Then she quickly climbed up and started banging on the solid panel above them.
"HELP!"
To her astonishment, she heard a reply.
"Spencer?!"
"Toby!" She cried in relief. "Toby, it's burning down!"
"Hold on!" Another voice.
Caleb.
Hanna cried out loud when she heard her boyfriend.
They had come for them. They were there to save them.
The panel above Spencer started to shake and rattle.
The boys managed to bust it and open it.
A burst of fresh air hit Spencer in the face as a pair of large muscled arms pulled her out.
"Hurry." Hanna gestured for Mona to go next.
Now that a door had been open the fire would spread even more rapidly.
Mona's adrenaline was barely enough to get her going, but Hanna climbed behind her helping her along the way.
"Oh my God, Hanna, are you okay?"
Emily heard Alison's voice and she felt relief washing over her.
The nightmare was almost over. And soon she would be embracing her best friend.
"Alison?" Hanna asked in confusion when Caleb pulled her out.
Aria scaled the ladder like she was a pro climbing a rope in PE.
Emily wasn't far behind.
"Alison got us here." Toby held Spencer in his arms.
"My girl." Emily murmured to herself.
The blonde had come through.
"Em?"
When Spencer looked over Toby's shoulder she saw the blonde gazing at the smoke with alarm in her eyes.
"Where's Emily?" Alison cried.
"I'm coming!"
There was a shuffling noise and then Alison was peering down at her.
Emily smiled and reached for the next rung.
But she didn't make it out and into Alison's arms.
An explosion knocked her off of the ladder. Flames licked at the wall around the ladder.
"Emily!" Alison screamed.
Emily spun around.
She had nowhere to go.
Smoke filled the air, obscuring Alison's face…and blocking her escape.
She ran for the ladder again, but when she leaped up to try and grab a rung above her head it burned her hand.
She cried out and stumbled back.
The fire circled her like she was prey in the wilderness.
She could hear her friends screaming, but she didn't have the air in her lungs to cry out.
She tried to shield her face with her shirt.
Tears streamed down her face as she saw the fire closing in on her.
It overtook her moments later.
The pain was insurmountable.
Her flesh was flayed alive.
The last thing she heard was Alison's keening wails.
The last conscious thought she had before she fell into the dark depths of death's clutches was about how she was never going to be able to hold her loved ones again.
She woke with a jolt in the safety of the cabin.
Alison was still sound asleep in her arms. The alcohol and post-sex bliss was keeping her in the confines of slumber.
Emily was sweating from the nightmare, but she didn't dare move. She didn't want to wake Alison.
She'd had intense dreams before, but this felt different. It was as if a dark cloud was ominously hovering over her.
Something told her that even without Charlotte in the picture, they were in danger. The last time she'd felt a sinking sensation in her stomach…that something bad was going to happen...her dad had died.
It didn't feel like a dream.
It felt like a warning.
She held the blonde close and watched as the remnants of the fire smoldered out, unaware that the game that was being played with them was not cooling down.
It was heating up.
A/N: Tough day for our girls, but not without its bright spots. Those damn nightmares...
Events of the Dollhouse are a bit different given I've taken a few creative liberties. And it's definitely a different outcome in the nightmare. I'm aware that in the show it was Caleb, Ezra, and Alison at the barn. Toby showed up minutes later. But I've been playing with that plot since the beginning of the fic. Having Emily going into the pit to help Mona was mentioned earlier in the fic (Chapter 8: Free Falling).
Also, Mama Bear Pam Fields FTW!
How are we feeling? Love the connection and the love scene? Loathe Charlotte and Sara? Are they the only two menaces messing with Emily and Alison? Or is there someone else?
The ride is about to get bumpy.