Chapter 2:

Feel like I'm Drowning

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Theo

Flashback, Nott Manor

June 20, 1996

Curled in the fetal position on the floor in his father's personal study, Theo was pretty sure he was going to die. He could taste the metallic tang of his own blood and was certain his left arm and at least two of his ribs were broken, it was hard to breathe. And his father showed no sign of stopping. Theo was in so much pain that he was starting to fade in and out of consciousness as the blows and kicks continued to fall.

He wondered, in a purely academic way, what had caused his father to be this angry. Although what did it matter in the end? I will be just as dead no matter the reason. At least this way I can escape from all these fucking Death Eaters and this bloody horror show of a life.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started, his father walked out, leaving Theo lying in a puddle of blood on the floor. Theo heard the crack of apparition and then another snap as his house Elf appeared. "This is bad bad bad. Oooooh Master Theo," The little Elf sobbed. Theo tried to soothe her and whispered that he would be okay, but when he began to cough blood, the effect was ruined. The pain was overwhelming and as Theo blacked out, his last thought was hopefully this was finally it. Death would be his great escape.

Hermione

The next week flew by for Hermione. And the following Monday, Hermione found herself holding Crookshanks' cage and one arm hugging Harry and Ginny at Platform 9 ¾. Ginny had decided not to attend Restoration Camp despite the multiple letters and a Floo call from McGonagall urging her to come.

"My family and Harry need me 'Mione. You will do great. And I will see you in August." Hermione had nodded, hating that nickname and the sinking feeling of being betrayed while boarding the Hogwarts Express. Noone else had bothered to see her off. Molly hadn't bestirred in weeks from her room. George had apologized that he just couldn't face Kings Cross and all its memories during their afternoon drinking session yesterday. Hermione had chastely held his hand and whispered that she understood. And she did, but she wished she didn't feel so abandoned.

Harry had just nodded and hugged her very briefly, a tight awkward squeeze and then he was already pulling away.

"You will be a great Head Girl 'Mione. I start Auror training in two weeks so write when you can and I will write when I can." He gave her that goofy puppy dog look, the one he used instead of apologizing to her. "Ron was really sorry he couldn't come."

Hermione couldn't even hear the lies from Harry. It literally made her feel sick. So she cut him off with a swift "It's okay, Harry. Don't worry about it." She flashed her fakest smile at him and then at Ginny. Honestly it was painful that they couldn't see through her at how wrecked she was emotionally. Her supposed best friends weren't really showing her much care. Well she'd always been the caretaker hadn't she?

Despite her consoling words and fake smiles, now Hermione was sitting in a compartment on the train that she had locked, warded and cast a silencio. She screamed and screamed until her throat was too raw to continue. Only then did she finally stop and pull out her flask and took a long draw of Ogden's Firewhiskey. She was so fucked. How was she ever going to hold it together?

She looked at her hands and saw they were shaking. She took another draw of the firewhiskey and hid the flask. Taking a deep breath she removed her spells and wards on the compartment, and pulled out her book, the memoir of a muggle child soldier in Africa and began to read. She hoped she was left in peace for a bit longer.

Theo

The platform was exceptionally empty. Theo supposed that made sense considering that it would only be upperclassmen heading to Hogwarts for mind healing camp and the number of parents who were dead or in Azkaban was likely reducing the crowd. Morbid thoughts there, Theo.

He was wearing one of his other Squib band tees. It was black and tight fitting. In letters that looked almost like bloody slashes it read "Knoktyrnal Nyghtmare." The puns really appealed to Theo. He had on his only pair of black muggle denims and belt with a buckle of a snake coiled into a knot around the letter N. His only other jewelry was his family signet ring: the ornate N was carved into a black stone rather than metal and the Goblin filigree had been crafted to look like knotted ropes. Theo rather thought the love of puns was an inherited disorder that was significantly more pleasant than the homicidal urges that had passed him over. His black lace up boots had been purchased in Italy like the rest of his clothes and Theo knew that he looked good in them. Nothing quite said, "I don't believe in pureblood superiority" like wearing muggle clothes. He had let his chestnut curls be a little wild, all the more likely that someone would tidy them for him. He could do with a smoke, a good shag and a bit of firewhiskey. He certainly hoped he would manage at least two out of the three on the long train journey to Hogwarts.

Head Boy responsibilities were likely going to cut into his drinking schedule and he wasn't really thrilled about that. In order to make sure he was supplied, Theo had transfigured 13 bottles of firewhiskey into rolled up socks in his trunk.

Hopefully that would get him through to Christmas Hols. He was trying to factor in Draco's drinking as well. He doubted house arrest was going to allow him to bring his own. Pans probably wouldn't have her own drinks either, but she preferred red wine or dark beer anyway. If her house arrest extended to restrictions at Hogwarts he could always walk down to Hogsmeade and get her some bottles from one of the pubs. Head Boy had to come with some useful privileges. Head Boy responsibilities would probably be pretty minimal during camp. McGonagall had said no patrols and no curfews for those students participating.

As Theo lifted his magically lightened trunk onto the train, he wondered where his friends were. Blaise had responded to his owl that he was going to portkey from the Zabini villa in Italy straight to Hogwarts.

Amazing to think that McGonagall had arranged such a thing for a snake. Draco and Pansy still couldn't write and he couldn't write them, so if they were on the train it would likely be under Auror guard. How bloody pleasant.

He started walking from the front of the train towards the back, stopping at each compartment and greeting the students inside, unleashing his grin and dimple on the lads and ladies alike, letting everyone know he was Head Boy and to not hesitate to come to him with any issues that might arise. He used that exact wording and licked his lips while looking at Dean Thomas who was bloody fit and then Seamus Finnegan looked like he might like to rip his throat out. Theo filed away that they were together in his brain, and then gave Finnegan the full light of his smile and complemented his accent and freckles. The Irish Halfblood didn't seem to know what to do after that.

As Theo was walking away and the compartment door was closing, Theo couldn't help but overhear "Shea, don't be jealous, he's just throwing lines to see what he can catch." Perceptive Gryffindor. That was a surprise. They rarely were. Granger being the obvious exception. And where was she? McGonagall had said she was going to be Head Girl to his Head Boy and would be attending obviously. He expected to find her on the Hogwarts Express. He doubted she had arranged a portkey or Floo trip to the castle.

After a few more sensual smiles, greetings and surprisingly only one snake related insult, Theo found Hermione with her kneazle on her lap, reading a book. Theo felt a little nervous. They had never really talked. He hadn't insulted her like Drake had, but she was coming to Reconstruction camp right? So she had to be somewhat open to reconciling with snakes.

Theo took a deep breath and knocked on the door and then opened it without being greeted, shut it and dropped onto the seat opposite the lovely curly haired swot that figured so largely in his dirty fantasies as recently as this morning.

"Salutations Granger. I hear you are Head Girl to my Head Boy. We have never been properly introduced. Theo Nott." He stuck out his hand to shake hers, and she looked at him over her book, raising one eyebrow.

"Nott," she said, sitting her book down and putting her hand out to give him a half hearted shake. She had on an oversized blue jumper and blue muggle denims. Her hair was pulled into an adorable messy bun with her wand stuffed through it to hold the wild ringlets in place. Theo wished he could pull the wand out and run his hands through her untameable mane. Her freckles teased him with fantasies of kissing each and every one. In some perfect world, Draco could help him find all the constellations on her skin. Her skin was sunburnished golden, like the honey of her hazel-brown eyes. The delicious proximity of getting to be Heads with her was enough to make him very pleased with his lot in life for the first time in quite a while.

"Please call me Theo. Nott is really more my father and he's in Azkaban for attempting to commit genocide. And honestly if my mother hadn't been under a fidelity spell, he probably would have repudiated me. Never quite embraced the family business myself." Theo gave her his trademark grin, showing off his single left dimple and running his hand through his brown curls.

Hermione looked stunned at his frankness, as well as his muggle clothes and realized her mouth was gaping. "Well Theo, it's nice to meet you and I guess we will be roommates and Heads together so …you can call me Hermione. That certainly was an introduction."

Theo shrugged. "It's good to clear the air. I am very on board with McGonagall's inter-house unity campaign and honestly we Slytherins get a bad wrap. So I am doing my part to not be a tosser and try some forthrightness and cooperation. Same reason I have willingly had aurors in my house. My father's collection of dark artifacts was truly terrifying." Theo shuddered and pulled out his flask. "Enough of that doom and gloom. I need a fortifying tipple just to carry on. Want one yourself?" Theo raised one eyebrow in her direction. Granger looked at him for several moments, then shrugged, pulled out her own flask and shook her head.

"In the spirit of forthrightness, no thank you Theo, I have my own." Theo was surprised, but he made sure none of it showed on his face. He just smiled brighter, flashing his dimple at her. "I expect that we can keep our mutual hobbies to ourselves despite your newly discovered desire to be honest and forthright?," said Hermione as she raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely Hermione. I would never tattle on my new roommate. But mine is over 30 years old and quite expensive and I nicked it from my father's study. You know you want to try it." Theo grinned tauntingly. "I promise it isn't poisoned."

"Was it unopened in your father's study?" At Theo's nod, Hermione sighed and passed her own flask. "We can swap. I won't poison you, you won't poison me."

"How Slytherin of you, Hermione." Theo grinned at the Head Girl who flushed, taking a swig of his flask. Merlin, she is pretty with my flask to her lips. Drake would die if he was here, seeing this. Maybe I can pensieve the memory for him?

"Mmmm" Hermione hummed in appreciation, "Toffee apples. I always thought people lied about that. About good liquor tasting like sweets." I may die if she keeps making those noises. She closed her eyes and took another swig.

Theo stood up swiftly so his back was to Hermione, trying to keep her from noticing his arousal. He opened the window and cast a quick charm to keep the smoke from leaving the cabin through any direction but the window; it wouldn't do to have the trolley cart lady catch the Head boy smoking. Simply scandalous. He pulled out his muggle cigarette and lit it with his lighter that he had bought at a muggle petrol station. He took a calming drag and cast an illusion charm on the window into the cabin so anyone who happened to walk by would see Hermione reading and the kneazle, rather than him smoking and her savouring his fire whiskey. The mirror image of the illusion could be seen through the compartment window and shimmered on the inside as well. Theo was particularly pleased with himself.

Hermione was looking at him in surprise, although Theo wasn't sure why. He had been fighting with Draco for the number two position in their year to her since the very beginning.

"We will have to study together this summer, Nott. I want to learn that illusion charm." Hermione said, taking another deep swig of his fire whiskey and passing it back.

"Call me Theo, remember."

"I recall, but only if you tell me where you picked up the habit of muggle cigarettes."

"Have you heard of Death Metal, Hermione?" Theo Nott had never heard anything quite like the sound of Hermione Granger's surprised laughter. And he made her laugh several more times as he told her all about the Death Metal shows he had gone to in Italy with Blaise, about Squib bands and the references that they made to the magical world that were so subtle that muggles never realized and how when in Rome, literally, cigarettes were quite the thing.

"Well, Theo, aren't you full of surprises." She pulled out a scroll from her little beaded bag. "I have the list of who has confirmed that they are coming. Would you like to look it over? In your role as Head Boy I mean?"

Theo put out his cigarette and dropped it out the window. "Nothing would give me more pleasure," he said, sitting down next to Crookshanks and rubbing the fluffy orange half-kneazle behind his ears. Hermione looked shocked at the two of them.

"Crooks doesn't like most boys." Hermione said in surprise.

Theo continued to give Crookshanks rubs as he started to purr. "Well I am not most boys," he grinned at her "Crooks? Is that his name?"

"Crookshanks actually," Hermione amended.

"Hmmm.. well it may surprise you to know that on occasion he has made his way into the Slytherin boy's dorms. We are old friends, yes we are." Theo continued to pet the cat with one hand while perusing the scroll that Hermione had passed over. "It's probably because he was looking for vermin down near the kitchens, but I never minded. My father never allowed me to have a familiar of my own."

Theo didn't look up at Hermione and so missed the betrayed look she gave her familiar. Hermione reopened her book and pretended to read. It took her 30 minutes to get through the page she was on. Theo pretended not to notice.

Pansy

Pansy had gotten up extra early that day and had taken time with her appearance. Her immaculately bobbed hair and makeup were perfect. Smokey eyes and blood red lips set a perfect tone. Her fingernails were charmed blood red. She had her favorite dragonhide high heels on and some of her grandmother's snake jewelry adorned her ears and wrist. The skirt she chose was long enough and high waisted enough that the scars on her thighs and hips from Yaxley's attack were not visible. They were her constant companions: the reminders of that horrible day and all the days after that. If she could help it, no one was going to see them. Her mother didn't even know they were there despite knowing what Yaxley had done. She wouldn't be allowed a wand until she was at Hogwarts, but once she was she would be charming them to invisibility.

The rape had destroyed Pansy's value on the Pureblood marriage market which was Posy Parkinson's only concern. Honestly that had been a decent side effect. No more contract negotiations. No more complaining about Pansy wanting to start a business or live alone after graduating Hogwarts. Pansy wished that just coming out to her mom would have had the same effect, but it hadn't. Rape on the other hand accomplished what Pansy's sexual and romantic proclivities never had. It was sickening. In the end her V-card had been her only value to her mother and Pansy doubted they would have more than perfunctory interactions going forward.

Ranunclus, her obnoxious older brother, had managed to hide out in Bulgaria during the war after finishing at Durmstrang. He had a job in the Ministry there being a pureblood piece of shite and was engaged to some niece of the Bulgarian Minister. Pansy imagined she had impeccable bloodlines; it was the only thing her stupid brother cared about. He was her father's son in pretty much every way except for not taking the Mark. And a homophobic tosser to boot. He hadn't spoken to Pansy since he had found out about her relationships with women. She kept telling herself she didn't miss him, despite the fact that they had been close as kids. But he had left her behind a very long time ago.

Her father had already been sentenced to life in Azkaban, which was honestly another plus as far as Pansy was concerned. He was in that nightmare prison with Lucius Malfoy, Thoros Nott and so many of the surviving Death Eaters. Good Riddance. And while the DMLE was aware of what had happened to her and how her father had tried to sell her to a murderer and Yaxley's assault, she hadn't had to testify in either trial. Thank Circe for small mercies. Although it would have been nice if that had led to her house arrest awaiting trial to be a little less strict. Unfortunately the supervising Aurors took their jobs more seriously than Pansy would have liked. A floo call with Theo or Luna would have been nice. She knew any interaction with Draco would have been more than she could even imagine. They would probably think the two of them were plotting an attack if she even asked.

Auror Vance, a tall brunette man with a burn scar peeking out of his shirt collar, and Auror Selwyn, a serious woman with dark hair always in a tight bun, were Pansy's constant companions at Parkinson Manor. Due to her mother's lack of cooperation with the DMLE, Pansy had ended up under 24 hour guard as Posy was considered a flight risk. Even though Pansy would have told them that Posy was unlikely to take her along if she fled, the Aurors wouldn't believe that. Returning to Hogwarts was a blessing in that she would finally not be under constant supervision.

As Pansy walked down the stairs from her room to the front parlor, the two Aurors were waiting for her on either side of the final step.

"Good morning, Miss Parkinson," Auror Selwyn said with what passed for a smile on her stern face. She would be quite the stunner if she smiled literally ever, Pansy thought, but maybe that's why she didn't. It would be hard to be a pretty hunter of Dark Wizards. "Your trunk has been searched and we are ready to apparate to Kings Cross station, if you are? Do you wish to say goodbye to Lady Parkinson before we depart?"

"I think it best if we just slink out like the shame of the family that I am, Auror. Thanks for the offer though. She knew what time we were leaving. If she wanted to say goodbye she would be down here." Pansy suspected her mother was in her room waiting until Pansy and the Aurors were gone and then would be using an illegal portkey to take herself, her trunks and all the house elves to Bulgaria before the DMLE knew she was gone. Posy wasn't on house arrest, they hadn't been able to charge her with any crimes, but she was supposed to report where she was going and how to be reached. Pansy suspected that her mother and most of the Parkinson valuables were going to be guests of the Bulgarian Minister very soon.

Auror Vance shrugged and, taking Pansy's trunk, apparated away. Auror Selwyn's face relaxed a little with her partner gone.

"Are you ready to face the world Parkinson?"

"Hardly." Pansy bit out a bitter laugh, "But house arrest at Hogwarts sounds better than being here with Mother. And I am sure you have more pressing things to do than watch me charm my finger nails."

"True enough," Auror Selwyn said, grabbing Pansy by the arms and apparating them directly onto Platform 9 ¾. The DMLE had an apparition point at the far end of the platform near the engine of the train. Pansy was escorted directly onto the train and despite desperately looking to see anyone she knew, she was hustled on within seconds. Did they expect someone to try and rescue her from Auror custody? What a laugh.

Auror Selwyn put her into the compartment at the front of the train without saying a word. Auror Vance had already put her trunk up into the luggage rack. The two Aurors inspected the window briefly then went out, locking Pansy in. Selwyn's last words had been "knock if you need to use the loo." Pansy had barely eaten the last few days, she was so nervous about going back to Hogwarts. Hopefully she could make it through the long train ride without having to deal with her guards. Selwyn was okay, but Vance could be a bit of an arse.

Pansy knew she was the Girl-Who-Tried-To-Hand-Over-Harry-Potter and that hardly endeared her to people on the winning side. Not that she was popular with Death Eaters either. She had been a shite villain.

Such a shite villain. She was lucky that Draco had found her bleeding in his dungeon, if he hadn't come when he did she probably wouldn't have made it. Terrifying to think how close she had come to 'the end of all things' as Theo liked to call it. Pansy had never been a suicidal person even when circumstances were at their worst, she just wanted things to get better. She wanted to escape and live. She knew that was not the case for Theo and Draco. It was terrible knowledge that her two favorite boys often longed for death. She hoped the mind healing this summer would help them. And me, who am I bloody kidding.

Despite not being suicidal, Pansy was very aware that she was not alright. Adult men made her so nervous now. She was constantly on alert when Auror Vance was around and she knew that he had no intention of touching her unless it was to put handcuffs on her. And they wouldn't be fun handcuffs either.

Pansy stared out the window. She wondered if she'd see Luna this summer. She had seen her in passing at the last battle, but they hadn't spoken. She hadn't been on the list of the dead. Daphne had sent an engagement announcement a few weeks ago, but not a wedding invitation. She'd be married to the pureblood Frenchman her parents had chosen for her before Christmas. Ever the dutiful daughter. She had included no personal note for Pansy as though they had never been more than acquaintances. It stung really.

She looked at the bench across from her and imagined Theo, Draco and Blaise there. They would be taking the piss out of each other and laughing. Theo would be casting illusions so he could smoke out the window and passing a flask of Ogden's. She missed her friends so much it was like an emptiness in her soul. She let it consume her for a bit and she sobbed and sobbed. The tears ran down her cheeks until in exhaustion, Pansy fell asleep.

Pansy was walking down a dark hallway and could hear the wind and the sea. Someone was shoving her from behind, but she couldn't seem to turn in order to see who it was. Suddenly she came to a door with a little window with bars across it. Her father was there in the window, his hair unkempt, his teeth black. "There you are my little flower. I have signed a new marriage contract for you. I am sure you will be very happy with Antonin Dolohov. He's paying good money for you and he'll overlook the issue with Yaxley. They are good friends after all. He may even want to share you with him on occasion. You'll love that won't you my dear. A match made in heaven." He sneered at her.

Pansy awoke screaming "No!" at the top of her lungs and shaking uncontrollably. That couldn't happen. Ranunculus was the head of the family now. Dolohov was dead. It was only a nightmare. Only a nightmare. These thoughts weren't particularly helpful as Pansy continued to hysterically scream.

"Miss Parkinson!" Auror Selwyn was there, shaking her shoulders. "Miss Parkinson! Please calm yourself. It was only a dream." The stern-faced Auror looked like she was considering slapping Pansy to stop her hysterics, but Pansy let out a gasp and started to pull herself together.

"Antonin Dolohov is dead, right? My father doesn't have any legal authority over me? Noone can arrange a marriage contract for me without my consent?"

Auror Selwyn looked down at the pale young woman with understanding in her eyes. "Miss Parkinson, you are currently awaiting trial and on house arrest, at this time no marriage contract would be binding. It would have to be approved by Robards or some representative of the DMLE and they would not approve it. And Dolohov is dead." Pansy let out a ragged breath and closed her eyes. Only a nightmare. Only a nightmare. "Shall I sit with you for a bit?"

Pansy nodded, without opening her eyes.

Auror Selwyn whispered to her, "My father wanted to arrange my marriage to one of the Rosiers. I know all about those sorts of nightmares." Pansy didn't answer her, but reached over and gripped the Auror's hand. Selwyn squeezed back.

Pansy had fallen back asleep when Auror Vance returned from the loo, looked at Selwyn and Pansy's clasped hand and mouthed "What the fuck is that?"

Selwyn gave him the two finger salute. "She's a kid, Archie. A kid having nightmares about her bloody messed up family. She's asleep now."

"A kid who provided material support to Death Eaters, Aurelia. You are too bloody soft on her. She is likely headed for Azkaban to be with her dear old dad. You are worse than Robards and the Nott boy."

Aurelia Selwyn snorted. Surely no one was as soft as Gawain Robards was about Theodore Nott. Although the file on his abuse by Lord Nott was enough for even Aurelia to feel some sympathy for the kid. While many of her fellow Aurors thought the Parkinson girl and the Nott boy were just the next generation of Dark Witches and Wizards they would have to deal with, when Aurelia looked at them she saw herself. Pureblood kids with abusive controlling parents weren't evil by nature, just terrified by the abuse that passed for nurture in the majority of the Sacred 28.

Draco

Despite the fact that they had barely eaten two meals together a day for the last month and that he didn't even know when the last time the two of them had really spoken, Narcissa Malfoy seemed very sad that Draco was returning to Hogwarts so soon after Lucius' sentencing. Her smile was tight and while she was as fashionable and stylish as ever, some of the light was dim in her eyes. Draco felt an unpleasant pang of guilt that he was leaving her, and that he hadn't been present for her while he had been here.

"Here, my dragon, I have a couple small gifts for you." From within her dress robes,

Narcissa gave him two ring boxes to open. One was the Malfoy signet ring. It was big and silver with an ornate "M" on it. The second was a black opal ring belonging to the House of Black.

"This one was my grandfather's." Narcissa said of the Black opal. " It's linked to a woman's ring that I have put away for your future wife, but it has some good protection spells on it that you might need since you aren't allowed to defend yourself with magic. I am quite worried about your safety. And please don't do anything rash and end up in Azkaban. I can't lose you too."

Draco was already wearing an obsidian and silver ring on his left hand that had a snake wrapped around the stone and a black tourmaline ring on his right. Both rings had protection enchantments on them that were fairly strong so the addition of the black opal should make him pretty safe from the magical attacks that he already anticipated from peers. The Malfoy signet resized when slid down his pinky. He noticed his mother had a Victorian style mourning ring with pale hair in it. "Is that new, mother?"

"No, no, I just couldn't wear it in front of your father. It's a mourning ring for your little sister. He didn't care for it." She gave him a sad smile.

Draco hated his father again at that moment and wondered why his mother loved the brutal bastard so much. He tried to occlude so that their last few minutes together weren't spent arguing about the absolute piece of shite that was Lucius.

Instead Draco asked a question he had been stewing on for years, not entirely expecting an answer. "Years ago, in his cups, my father said he had a younger sister who had been disowned yet he never mentioned it again. I was wondering if you could tell me what her name was?"

Narcissa looked like she didn't want to answer, but gazed at the ceiling and whispered into his ear lest the portraits hear. She glanced sideways at the portrait of her father in law, Abraxas, who appeared like he was asleep.

"Pandora. She was your godmother, but she fled after your birth and married a man your grandfather didn't approve of. Not unlike my sister, Andromeda." Narcissa looked so forlorn that Draco held her hand. When was the last time he had held her hand like this? Salazar, he was a selfish shite of a son.

"Mother, have you considered reconciling with your sister? I mean with father ...gone there is noone to stop you and with me off to Hogwarts…."

Narcissa had gone still as stonework. "I do not think, my dragon, that she would appreciate that. I am sure the loss of her husband and daughter are too fresh."

"I worry about leaving you alone."

"I will be fine. Five more months of house arrest will be over before you know it," Narcissa said, kissing him on the cheek. "And as soon as I am free, I will meet you in Hogsmeade and we can have tea and you can tell me everything that's happened without an Auror reading over my shoulder. I will be allowed 5 letters or Floo calls per week until then, but of course everything will be monitored. I believe they think giving me some freedom to communicate will mean that they will catch some more of the Dark Lord's followers. I, however, will happily enjoy getting to correspond with you, my dragon." His mother kissed him again on the cheek and he clutched at her like he had as a child. He held her tightly wishing that their relationship could be what he had always dreamt of: her unconditional love unmarred by her refusal to stop the abuse he suffered at his father's hands. Draco's eyes burned and he felt a pain in his chest. Why was even his mother's love tainted?

With one more squeeze, he released his mother and stepped through the fireplace and directly out of the green flames into Headmistress McGonagall's office. Four Aurors were there waiting for him. Each of them was a tall, scarred muscled man more grim than the last. If looks could kill, Draco was quite sure that he would be dead already. Two of the Aurors were on either side of the door as though he might flee. Where exactly? Into Hogwarts?

Occlude. Occlude. Occlude.

"Mr. Malfoy," the most grim Auror, a steel-haired man with werewolf claw scars across his face said with impassivity, "this is a wand that we are issuing to you for school use only. Your wand is still property of the Ministry until your trial, as it is evidence."

"We are watching you, you little Death Eater prick." One of the other Aurors snarled. Draco really wished that his mother, his lawyer or even McGonagall were present. "This wand has a monitor and a trace, you use it inappropriately and your arse will be in Azkaban faster than you can bleeding blink and you'll rot in there while you wait for trial instead of here at Hogwarts on some posh house arrest."

"Thank you for that, Stebbins." The steely Auror was clearly in charge as the other Auror stopped his ranting and crossed his arms angrily. The two Aurors stationed at the door might as well have been made of stone and Draco wondered if he should feel complimented that they thought he was worth four Aurors in order to keep him in line.

Thank Merlin that McGonagall picked that moment to walk in with a tall, beautiful Black woman in Healer's robes in tow.

"Ah thank you, Aurors, for your time. Mind Healer Cordelia and I have it from here."

"I have to advise against this, Headmistress. Mr. Malfoy is a danger to the school and the other students. You should let us leave at least two Aurors to chaperone him." The lead Auror gave Draco a look that gave the absolute disdain that reminded him of his father's ever present look of disappointment .

Occlude. Occlude. Occlude.

"I very much appreciate your concern for my students, Mr. Orville, but as you may remember from when you were my student I will merely take your opinion under advisement." McGonagall said, her tone indicating she was going to do nothing of the sort. "Do give my regards to Gawain and Kingsley and tell them to expect an owl from me about your delightful visit." She made no illusions about ushering the four of them into the Floo. "We'll be glad to be rid of that lot, they have been making a nuisance of themselves all morning'." McGonagall rubbed her hands together in satisfaction.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy. They have searched your things which are now down in the Slytherin dorms. I don't believe they confiscated anything, but if they did please let me know and I will send a very strongly worded missive to the ministry."

Draco allowed the shock at the kind welcome to overcome his occlumency shields, and he laughed aloud. "Headmistress, I don't believe I have ever been so happy to see you and be here at Hogwarts."

"Well Mr. Malfoy, I am very happy to have you here as well. It was no small matter to get your house arrest, along with Miss Parkinson's and Mr. Goyle's, moved here to Hogwarts. I had to pull a few strings and call in a few favors. So I hope that you will throw yourself into this summer program with the same vigor I have seen you apply to other pursuits." Cheeks heating, Draco blushed in shame at that, not sure if she was referring to his over-exaggerated romantic pursuits or the whole mess with the vanishing cabinet. Either way, he felt very awkward now.

Occlude. Occlude. Occlude.

"However, Mr. Malfoy please have a seat. Let's have some tea and I would like to introduce you to Mindhealer Cordelia." Draco was nothing if not raised to be polite and have proper etiquette. The invitation to take tea wasn't a request and everyone in the room knew it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Malfoy, although I would prefer if you would call me Cordelia, and I call you Draco if you are open to that." Mindhealer Cordelia had rich umber skin and almond shaped black eyes. Her long black hair was braided into ornate small braids that were so much more elaborate than anything Yasmene Zabini, the only other Black woman of
Draco's close acquaintance, wore. The small braids were wound up in a large bun at the top of the healer's crown. She carried herself like a queen, Draco thought. His mother would be very impressed with her deportment if they ever met.

"I am perfectly amenable to being on a first name basis with you, Healer Cordelia." Draco said, turning on every inch of his posh charm.

Cordelia stifled a laugh and said, "Well, I am here to answer any kind of questions you might have about the program this summer. I want you to understand that a great deal of my work is focused on muggle children and teens, but that I, and my team, specialize in working with young people who, like you, have been recruited as child soldiers and forced into combat among other traumatic situations."

Draco lacked a great deal of reference for what the muggle world was like, so what the healer was explaining to him was very difficult to understand at first. "Muggle children fight in wars? Frequently? Often enough that it's a Healer speciality?"

Cordelia nodded, "Unfortunately yes. The last few years we have been working primarily in Bosnia and Herzegovina in Eastern Europe. And before that we were in Rwanda in Africa for a bit. Our team is all witches and wizards though along with two Squib healers that specialize in muggle psychiatric medication. World affairs keep us very busy and most muggle wars especially those with children end up having a muggleborn or a half blood involved here and there and of course conflicts can often result in the occasional obscurial, so our training in multiple modalities comes in handy now and again."

Draco looked at Professor McGonagall in shock. "And you consider us child soldiers, those of us who fought in the Dark Lord's army?"

"And those that fought for Albus and the Order too," the Scottish Headmistress said sadly. "Any child recruited to fight in an armed conflict is a child soldier. If the adults of the wizarding world hadn't been such cowards, then children would never have had to fight Voldemort in the halls of a school, no less. And it's no surprise that you were recruited on the reverse side of the battle, not that I think your Mark could be described as anything other than duress. You were never quite as keen about it as your father, Severus, Barty or the Carrow twins were at your age. And even they were recruited as combatants before they reached their majority." Draco was in shock. The Headmistress of Hogwarts believed that he had gotten the Mark under duress? That he wasn't passionate about being made into a murderer? If only the Wizengamot and the Ministry held her opinions then his trial wouldn't be nearly as terrifying.

"Would you like to know more, Draco, about what this is going to entail? The therapeutic activities at the camp here this summer?" At Draco's nod, Cordelia continued "We are going to be using a variety of trauma informed practices. Trauma is a muggle term for a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. We are going to be doing both group and individual therapies. We will do both Narrative Exposure Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Those are the muggle names for the methodologies, but there will certainly be some parts of it that will make more sense to you than others."

Draco sipped his tea nervously, and willed his leg not to shake as it would be completely visible to the two women. He felt horribly out of his depth and it wasn't a feeling he particularly relished. He knew they were trying to give him enough information so that he would be comfortable participating, but honestly his trial depended on good character references from the mind healer. As long as she wasn't planning to crucio him or give him veritaserum in front of Granger, he could probably handle whatever she was throwing out at him.

Cordelia had continued talking while Draco had been lost in thought for a few moments, "We use some magical means of course to accomplish this. We have notebooks spelled to record the information that you share in group for the narration of your life line. Of course, the mind healer in charge of your group and you are the only ones who can read the journal. Also we have an enspelled parchment that creates a visual symbol of the narration that you are building - the lifeline with different symbols based on your stories and conversations in group. Different symbols are used in your lifeline, especially flowers and stones. Flowers are used to represent positive events,and stones are the negative events of the patient's life. Size, shape and colour of symbols may also be used to indicate events with greater or lesser intensity or significance. In individual therapy, we will look at the parchment and can make additions and adjustments to the placement of the different symbols. It's a bit easier with wizards and witches. Muggles have to draw it out and it can be challenging for them to even get started."

The Headmistress cleared her throat and offered everyone more tea, which they accepted. Draco desperately wished that he had a flask with him so he could top his tea off. His magic felt desperate to get out now. The realization that he had a wand in his possession finally was setting in. He really wanted to do something with it. Mixing his tea would be a little anticlimactic though. He tried to focus on what the mind healer was telling him.

"The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will include things that you are more familiar with: art making, journaling, possibly some new things like relaxation techniques, reframing negative thoughts especially those about yourself."

Draco certainly knew all about negative thoughts. The litany of his misdeeds was his constant companion at the Manor. He knew what people called him. Monster. Fiend. Death Eater. Villain. And when his thoughts flitted to honey eyes and bronze burnished curls, Blood Traitor. Negative thoughts were honest ones, as far as he was concerned. There wasn't much positivity in his worldview anymore. It had all been bled away.

The mind healer was still listing off the various aspects of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that would be included in the summer program.

Draco listened, wide-eyed at all the information that the Healer was explaining. He had thousands of questions, but didn't know how to word any of them yet at this point.

"And of course, while occlumency is an excellent coping skill in the midst of complex traumatic situations, we want to work on curtailing it during therapy and going forward in your day to day life, Mr. Malfoy."

"Excuse me?" Draco said, shocked. How did she know I am an occlumens?

"Your occlumency. It can cause long term disassociation and psychological damage. I have worked with several other midhealers who specialize in its negative side-effects from overuse. Sociopathy is the most frequent side effect,"

"You must forgive me, Healer," Draco said testily, "you are throwing a lot of terminology at me and I must admit that I am finding it quite overwhelming. What, pray tell, is sociopathy?"

"Sociopaths consistently show no regard for right and wrong and ignore the rights and feelings of others, and left untreated this can develop into psychopathy. Psychopathy is a mind disorder in which an individual manifests amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience. These are real horrors, Draco, that I would like to spare you from. Your Aunt Bellatrix was diagnosed as having Occlumency induced Psychopathy at Azkaban."

Draco shivered in fear remembering the madness in Aunt Bella's eyes, her complete lack of a conscience. He may be a monster, but she was evil in a way that he never wanted to be. She thrived on the torment of others. The tears and blood of others were like water of life to her. He could have sworn she became aroused while torturing and murdering people. He remembered his dear aunt kissing his uncle and leaving bloody handprints on his cheeks when she stepped back. Gore was no preventative for amorous pursuits to that madwoman. If occlumency could make him turn into someone like her…he had to stop then, but how could he? He was so reliant on it. How could he be near people he had hurt or allowed to be hurt and not occlude?

"I used occlumency for many years and never noticed any ill effects," said a haughty voice from up on the wall. Draco looked up to see his godfather looking down at him, scathingly.

"Professor Snape," Mindhealer Cordelia said back just as disdainfully. "I was in one of your first potions classes. You were cruel to children for no reason and were clearly in immense amounts of emotional pain, in retrospect. And as one of the few young people manipulated by both Tom Riddle and Albus Dumbledore, you certainly could have used some intensive therapy after the first Wizarding War. It's really a tragedy that my field of specialty did not yet exist. I am here now and can help your godson not turn into the complete sociopath you were, so perhaps he can have a healthy adult life with some happiness and emotion in it. Perhaps if you had been able to receive some therapeutic support you could have moved on with your life as well instead of living in stasis as you did. "

"Indeed." Severus Snape's magical portrait image sniffed superciliously.

"Hush now, Severus," McGonagall said, "Or you'll wake Albus, and I am not in the mood to listen to his excuses and justifications today. Come, Mr. Malfoy, let's head down to the Great Hall. I have a welcome speech to give. See you down in a bit, Cordelia." Cordelia made some noises about finishing her tea first, but really she was looking forward to arguing further with Severus' portrait about the goals of therapy with the students. He kept her sharp.

While Draco was immensely overwhelmed with everything that he had just learned about the plan for this summer, he tried to pull himself together in order to be personable with the Headmistress, maintaining the positive outlook she had of him at the moment couldn't do anything but good for him.

"Headmistress, thank you for the opportunity to come back and participate this summer."

"Of course, Mr. Malfoy."

"You know, you were the only professor to ask if I was okay in 6th year."

"Well Professor Snape and Dumbledore believed in you."

"Yes but they never asked if I was alright." Draco was silent for a moment and then decided that this was as good a moment as any to get some answers for himself. "I do have a somewhat unusual question. My mother recently told me that my father had a younger sister who was disowned. I was wondering if you knew who she was and ….whether she's alive…"

McGonagall couldn't conceal her look of shock, "Mr Malfoy, it's a bit of a surprise that you have learned that. Your grandfather Abraxas was adamant that no one who knew speak of it, and your aunt was equally inclined that no one recall she was once a Malfoy. I did know her, I was already teaching here when your parents and their contemporaries were here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately…"

Draco almost didn't hear the rest; he knew what was coming. She was already dead. Another family member. Someone whose name he just learned and they were already dead.

"In the first Wizarding war?" Draco asked, cutting McGonagall off.

McGonagall stopped walking and looked at him, questioningly. "No, Mr Malfoy, just a couple of years before you started at Hogwarts. .." She seemed deep in thought. "You do have a cousin though. Her only child. Is ..here...this summer...I will talk with ...them and see if they want to reach out. It's a delicate matter and they may not know of their relationship to your family."

Draco couldn't breathe. Family. Some new family. He was desperate for it in a way he didn't fully understand. Lucius and Bellatrix had been the stuff of nightmares. Uncle Rodolphus had raped and murdered people in front of him. Uncle Bas was less crazy and not so naturally inclined to violence, but he was a follower and did what he was told. Draco wondered if that's who he would have become as well if the Dark Lord had triumphed. He shuddered at the version of himself that he might have become in a world where his former master reigned.

He would give all the galleons in his vault for a relative that he could have a normal bloody relationship with. Someone with whom there was no dark violent history, no death. It was like an ache in his heart.

Occlude. Occlude. Occlude.

"Headmistress, I couldn't ask for more than that."