XXI. A new year

…

The axe whirred down and split the piece of wood in two. Although the welts on her back had begun to heal in the past two weeks, the sweeping and energy-sapping motion still hurt Zelena. The cold air burned in her lungs. She paused to wipe her forehead as she sweated despite the winter temperatures. The hard physical labor had already exhausted her, regardless of the remaining wood she still had to chop. Perhaps it was the weather or the fact that she had barely eaten. As she bent down to pick up the logs, she felt an uncomfortable twinge in her back.

The sound of horses' hooves caused her to lower the axe, and she expected to see the mayor's gray mare among the trees. It was Robin's chestnut horse, however, that appeared a short distance away. The forester waved at her before dismounting and leading Scarlet by the reins. Quickly, Zelena glanced over her shoulder at the house, before she walked toward him. Freek was in the living room, lying on the sofa in front of the television, where the windows were not going out to that side.

"Hi Zelena!" He gave her a sincere smile. "Happy New Year belatedly."

"You too." Respectfully, she stroked Scarlet's soft nostrils, which the big animal acknowledged with a soft snort. "Did you have a nice time in New York? Regina mentioned you were visiting your son."

"Roland and I really enjoyed spending time together, but meeting my ex-wife's new guy for the first time was weird. The little one likes him, that's important."

"Still, you don't like that he's with him all the time and not you." Zelena looked into his eyes and something held her, maybe the warmth within them.

"Yes, it's like a persistent twinge deep inside. In summer, I'll bring Roland to stay with me for four weeks, and that time will be just ours." Dreamily, he patted his horse's neck. "What about you? How was your Christmas?"

She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "Quite well. I'm sure Regina has already told you that she invited Freek and me to dinner."

"Oh, yes, and that her mother dropped in for a surprise visit. Let me guess, the old hag was immediately attracting attention and spoiled the whole mood."

Zelena laughed softly. "That's exactly how it was."

"There, you can smile after all. It suits you." His grin grew wide. "Did you like the book, by the way?"

Promptly, she felt herself blushing. She couldn't tell him the truth, of course, that it was tossed into the fireplace to burn. "I haven't had the time to read it yet, but how nice of you to think of me."

"I do that quite a bit, to be honest." He ran his free hand through his hair. "I've ridden this way a few times these days, hoping to run into you."

Startled, Zelena took a step back as she realized she wasn't supposed to be having this conversation at all. She readied a new piece of wood to chop it. "I still have work to do, Robin."

He nodded in understanding. "I don't want to keep you any longer either. Maybe we'll meet in town sometime soon, when you're not so busy."

To this she did not reply. Her hands tightened around the handle of the axe so tightly that her knuckles stood out white. As she struck out, black dots suddenly danced right in front of her eyes, forcing her to lower the sharp tool again. The dizziness passed as quickly as it had begun.

"Are you all right?" inquired Robin concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got off my shift at the supermarket before and haven't had time to eat anything yet."

"And you're still working this hard?" With a raised eyebrow, he eyed the remaining wood and took the axe from her hands to give her the reins instead. "I can do it for you, if you'll hold Scarlet in the meantime."

Again Zelena turned to face the house, but had to admit to herself that her body was already rebelling against the strain. Robin made it look so effortless as he swung at the remaining pieces of wood. While he worked intently for a time, she stroked the horse, who was happy to put up with such attention.

"That's it." Visibly pleased with himself, he lowered the axe and wiped a few drops of sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "Now you can go in to warm up and get something to eat."

"Thanks, Robin! You really didn't have to do that." She looked up at him hesitantly, wondering what he expected in return.

He made a throwing-away gesture. "I was pleased to help you. But now I have to move on, too."

Zelena lowered her eyes. "You'd better not come here again. If my husband notices you, he'll get upset. He's very jealous."

"Can't we just be friends? It's not like I want to take you away from him."

"Don't make it so hard for me." She put Scarlet's reins back into his hand and bent to gather the freshly chopped logs. "Leave now. Please."

Wordlessly, he mounted his horse. Their eyes met for a moment before he turned Scarlet and slowly rode away. At the back door Zelena turned around again so that she could still see him among the trees before the silent wintry forest completely swallowed him. She had to go back and forth several times until she had carried a small supply of the wood into the house and stacked the rest in the shed. Freek grumpily complained that she was disturbing his nap and shooed her into the kitchen to make him something to eat. She put scrambled eggs with some ham on two slices of toast while she gobbled down another slice, only spread with some butter.

…

Over the years, Zelena had learned to subordinate her own feelings and needs. All her wounds healed after some time, even if some of them were deep enough that new scars were added to those that already marked her body and soul. Between the two jobs and housework, she had little time to spend for herself anyway. As the washing machine she had freshly filled rattled to life, she sank exhaustedly to the floor in front of it. The backache she had blamed on the wood chopping three weeks ago, the day Robin had come to the farm, had returned and they had been getting worse since early that morning.

"Are you hanging around again, you lazy frog?" she heard Freek call out after a while in the hallway. "There's dusting and vacuuming to be done, get on your feet."

After she had done all the rooms, he also ordered her to cover his bed. The fresh linens smelled pleasantly of the fabric softener, but she just shivered, because she knew she would have to lie in them that night and give her body to him. The light bleeding she had been having was long over, so he certainly wouldn't leave her alone. In the past few months, her cycle had become so irregular or stopped altogether that she wondered if she might be slowly reaching the end of her reproductive phase, even if she was still too young for that. She also covered her own bed and had barely stowed the bundle of used laundry in the basket next to the washing machine when her father appeared in the doorway, already in winter boots and coat.

"I'm leaving now," he said curtly. "You stay in the house and behave. Understood?"

Zelena nodded wearily. "Don't drink so much. We have to make it with the money until my next paycheck, and the fridge is almost empty."

His brows drew together disapprovingly. "Don't dare to tell me what I have to do, Zelena."

She didn't reply anything, being quite intent on hiding her exhaustion and pain from him. Her father turned away and a moment later the front door slammed shut. The sound of the key told her that he was locking her in. Once again she sat down on the old rug, knees pressed tightly against her body, and listened to the steady rumble of the spin cycle. After a while, the pulling in her abdomen became so unbearable that she had to get up again. She felt it got better when she moved, so she wandered up and down the hall. She was used to agony, but this one was different from the dull throbbing of punches or the sharp pain in her chest that she felt so often. A vague memory of a summer day many years ago flickered in her mind. No, that was impossible! Nevertheless, she was abruptly struck with fear, so she ran upstairs to her room.

For the first time, she took out the cell phone Regina had given her from the drawer of her nightstand. It wouldn't turn on, so she took the charging cord and plugged it in. Only after she waited a few minutes curled up on the bed the device did come to life. She had never owned a cell phone before, certainly not one of those newfangled smartphones, but it wasn't hard to enter the code that was written on the sticky note in the sleeve. Regina had shown her how to dial a contact, it was easy for her to remember. She found her number and pressed the phone icon next to it without thinking. Suddenly, the pain became so intense that she yelped, pressing her arms against her hard stomach and dropping the phone. She had to take several deep breaths until it got better. Hastily she picked up the device again, from which a soft static-distorted voice was coming out, and held it to her ear.

"Zelena?" she heard Regina say her name. "Are you there? Please talk to me. Are you okay?"

Startled, she immediately hit the off switch, whereupon the display went dark again. Her father would make her pay rigorously when he found out that she not only owned this cell phone, but also used it to call Regina. She stowed it away again in the very back of the drawer and struggled to get up. By now the washing machine had to be finished, so she went downstairs again. As she bent down to pick up freshly washed clothes from the drum a second time, the pain flared up in spasms, even more intense than before. Gasping, she sank to the bathroom floor. This time she didn't have the strength to get to her feet again and remained huddled.