Hey yo, author here! Back with a much more speedy update this time and it's once again a goliath of a chapter. Feels like these are just gonna keep getting longer and longer tbf, hence my delayed updates, but at this stage of the story, I think the longer chapters are better. Action is going to be taking a back seat for a bit to try and hit some more emotional beats, so if you've been waiting for that...ya'll in for a good times these next few chapters I hope. Anyone who's here for BBRae, I hope this chapter serves you well, ya'll been starved for a while! As usual, thank you so much for all reviews/favorites/follows. I know every author says it, but it does mean the world getting one of those notifications. Also, seems to be the case for a lot of people, but FF stats are busted, so only way I know if people are reading is by one of those! Anyway, on with the chapter and hope you enjoy!
As always, much love - Seadavid41
I don't own Teen Titans or any DC Properties mentioned. If I did, I would have had more Batman villains Robin faced in the past make an appearance in the show.
Ch. 21 Catharsis
The ability of the world to move on around someone, even though they may be going through the most difficult time of their life is extraordinary. Cars were moving slowly through Jump City streets. Civilians going about their day chatted and bustled in and out of shops. Out in Jump City Bay, waves quietly formed and broke against rising sand banks that led to the mainland. Beast Boy always had heightened senses, even before the Beast and him had settled their differences and in the exact moment he was in, he could have sworn that he heard every single shred of noise occurring outside of the motel room he was occupying with the empath. It was deafening and there was absolutely nothing in his current vicinity that could draw his attention or distract him from the sheer look of disbelief that Raven was currently sending his way. He felt like he had been watching her in slow motion. He'd seen her initial reaction, her jaw dropping ever so slightly, her eyes widening in surprise, momentarily caught off guard…and then, the hardening of her features, one eyebrow raising, her nostrils flaring ever so slightly…Beast Boy had never been good at handling awkward situations.
In fairness to Beast Boy, he held his nerve for longer than most people would under Raven's gaze, but after a few seconds he could feel himself deflate and he turned and walked over to his bed before climbing onto and lying back.
"Yea…that didn't sound good in my head either."
Raven was still processing the sheer bluntness of Beast Boy's opening question, which Beast Boy had seemed to have taken for her ignoring the question, which she most certainly wasn't. With one hand absentmindedly held over her ankle, a the blue glow of her magic emanating from it, her eyes followed his form long after he had broken his gaze and wandered over to his bed. With no immediate threat, this was the first time she had really got too…look at him.
She couldn't tell if that last few months had been kind or not to the changeling. On one hand, physically, Raven would have no qualms admitting, Beast Boy looked the best he ever had. Even as recently as the aftermath of the Brotherhood of Evil, in her mind, he was still the Titan who had had been crying out for a growth spurt. Despite the amount of exercise he did and junk food he ate, he'd aways been…well…scrawny. That was certainly not the case anymore. While he'd never be as big as Cyborg, Beast Boy's physique would probably give Nightwing's a run for his money. In his new jumpsuit, the white coloration was far more complimentary to his muscles, which were clearly visible beneath the material. Raven had noted on the way over that he she was no longer taller than him either, not that he towered over her, but her eyes would probably line up with his chin if they stood side-by-side. When he'd helped her up, he'd felt…firm, like he was practically bolted to the ground…a stark contrast to the gangly teen that she'd known, what now felt like so long ago now. Her only concern was the one thing that kept grabbing her attention…the scar over his left eye. Part of her had her suspicions of where it came from…she hoped she was wrong.
But on the other hand, he was clearly different and Raven was pretty sure it wasn't a good change…not in her eyes anyway. Even in the aftermath of the Brotherhood, when Beast Boy had been going through a hard time, he'd still appear as his old self every once in a while. His personality, while altered, still shone through. Secretly she had always been slightly jealous of Beast Boy's ability to see the positives, even when he was the one feeling down. At first she'd found it naïve and annoying, but she had come to realise that it wasn't an act or naivety. It was honest to god hope…a relentless belief in the face of adversity that there was beauty in negative spaces. She'd come to appreciate it as one of his finest qualities…even though it could still be annoying at times. In the few encounters she'd had with him via their connection and the even fewer they'd had in person since he'd returned to Jump, that optimism was gone, replaced with something far more cynical. She hadn't spent enough time with him to know how deep it ran yet, but she intended to find out.
Raven swung her good leg over the side of the bed so the tip of her boot was grazing the floor, so she could face Beast Boy. Beast Boy noticed her movement from his prone position, casting his eyes over at her, unsure whether she was getting up or adjusting or…
"What did you expect me to say? You know exactly how I've been…I remember a time not so long ago where you were upset with me because I had been ignoring you when the Titans were split up…if you didn't know how I was, you definitely could have found out sooner and more easily than this."
Beast Boy had sat up from his bed at this stage, pushing his hands beneath him so his back was leaning against the old wooden headboard. "Raven…those are two very different sets of circumstances…you know that…"
Raven ignored him. She had pent this up for far too long. Whether she was in the wrong or the right, she truly didn't know anymore, but she had to get it out, for her own sake. Beast Boy, who had sat up with the intent of looking at the person he spoke too, suddenly found his voice falling away, feeling an all too familiar feeling creep up his spine as he looked on at what was clearly becoming a Raven who was on a mission.
"You knew it was a mistake…a trick…that all of us had been fooled…Azar, if you didn't realise that we'd been tricked, I'd be even more annoyed at you. I can't speak for the others, but I've apologized eno-"
Beast Boy turned to face Raven now, his legs swinging over the bed to face her, a look of dismay on his face.
"Raven…I never doubted that you had been tricked…for god sake, I screamed it at the time bu-"
"But we didn't listen! Or realise! Or understand! We got it wrong…and we knew almost immediately, but not quick enough…I-….we thought we'd lost you. We never believed Deathstroke's bragging…we looked for you…searched for you…by Azar, purely hoped that we'd see you again…only to be told by the Herald of all people that not only were you okay…but that he'd been sent as a messenger…"
Beast Boy snorted. "That seems to gloss over the fact that you guys were the people who nearly ki-"
"I KNOW!"
Beast Boy flinched under the power of Raven's voice, such was the power in her exclamation. It took her a moment, but her brow eventually gave way to the pain her outburst had on her injured leg, which despite his shock, caused Beast Boy to lean forward in concern, an action that Raven very quickly stopped with a raised hand. Her gaze was steely, hardened by recent times…there may not have been anything in the world that Beast Boy could say that could stop her now.
"We messed up…I messed up…I've lived that night every day for the last two months…what I could have done differently…what I should have done differently…and I've done everything I could to fix it…Azar, we looked for you…with everything we had….AZAR, I LOOKED FOR YOU!"
Beast Boy found himself silent…not that he had nothing to say. He could sense that interrupting Raven in that moment would only make the situation worse.
"…and you shut me out…you let me scream…into the silence…into the void…I don't care which…I know you knew I could feel you. I don't know the extent of this connection I formed with you but I know it's more than anything I've formed with anyone before. More than Nightwing…or Robin…or whatever you'd call him now…I know you felt it…Azar, I could feel you feeling it…and you didn't care…you ju-"
"That's not true."
Raven's tirade stopped in it's tracks at the emotion in Beast Boy's voice…or lack thereof. His voice was monotone…steadfast…Raven briefly wondered if that's what it was like to be on the receiving end of one of her own poker faces. Beast Boy emotions, much like the changeling of old, were inherently loud. Even until now, she had been able feel his emotions in disarray from across the room. Now, they were silent, like white noise was being projected into her head. It was disconcerting to say the least. Beast Boy was no longer looking at her, his eyes concentrated on a singular spot on the floor between his legs and her own.
"Oh yea? Why should I believe you? You knew everyday that at the minimum, I was doing everything to find you…and you just shut me out…again and again…and aga-"
"I wonder who I learnt that from…"
He didn't even realise that he had said it out loud, until he'd registered the sound of his own voice after the fact, bitter and cold. It was just one of those thoughts that had entered his mind. It was supposed to be fleeting, the kind of dark thought that everyone has that they keep to themselves, locked up tight for the fear of it slipping out and hurting someone they care about. It was only after a few seconds, when Beast Boy realised that Raven had stopped talking and he looked up to find the empath staring at him, the pain obvious and evident in her eyes, that he registered that he'd uttered his thoughts to the only other person in the room.
Beast Boy's mouth opened and closed a few times. This was why he'd left the tower no sooner than he had arrived. He didn't want to have these conversations. Not with Nightwing, Cyborg, Starfire and in Raven's case…he was downright afraid of it. He took in the form in front of him. He had never seen Raven look so…vulnerable. He didn't even like using her name and the word in the same sentence. It was so un-Raven like. For years, he'd seen her as one of the bravest and toughest people he'd ever met, maybe not always putting on a brave face, but a stoic one. It was very rare that any of the Titans got a chance to see behind her hardened exterior…Beast Boy had always loved the few times he'd got a glimpse of it…but not like this.
Raven, to her credit, didn't show the hurt for long, quickly steeling her features. "That's just who I was Beast Boy…it's who I am…I keep my emotions in control…I don't let anyone in…what…did you want to be treated special?"
Beast Boy tried to keep a poker face…to keep his expression neutral…but he just couldn't. Raven's words hit too close to home for him and he could feel it rumbling from deep within his chest and there was nothing he could to stop it. Beast Boy let out a laugh. It was short and sharp, completely devoid of all the warm characteristics a laugh should have. There was no joy, no mirth, no happiness…it was the laugh of someone who had just found out that they were the punchline of the joke being told to everyone. Raven's hardened expression quickly changed to one of confusion.
"What's so funny? You did wanted to be treated special? That's not how it works Be-"
"I've never been treated special. I've never wanted to treated special. I only ever wanted to be treated as someone who could be trusted…and that was never the case with the Titans for me…was it?"
Raven's confusion only increased, marked by the further furrowing of her brow and maybe the slightest look of worry on her face. The way Beast Boy had said that unnerved her. It sounded like a sentence that he had said over and over in his head a hundred times.
"When we first formed, damn it feels like a life time ago, yea I was a handful, I get that. Youngest out of all of us, definitely the most immature, way too much energy…I know…and trust me, I knew then too. But dammit, I was still a member of the team and I was happy. My whole life, I've gone from one place to the next, staying with one group until it becomes apparent that I wasn't good enough for them anymore. It happened with the Doom Patrol and before that, my pa-…I definitely wasn't good enough….and then I found you guys…people my age…other outcasts…and we built our home from the ground-up. We fought crime, we worked together, it was good…Hell, I was good!"
Beast Boy was too worked up at this stage to be confined to his bed and had risen to his feet. Raven suddenly found herself with absolutely nothing to say. Clearly something had been running deep with the changeling for far longer than any of the Titans had thought. He was nowhere near finished his rant and she was slightly terrified to see where it was going.
"…but I was never good enough…was I Raven? No matter what we did…what I did…I was always just that kid…energetic, loud, stupid…not someone to be relied on…trusted to make the right call…"
Raven swallowed, suddenly finding that her mouth had gone dry. "Beast Boy…"
"But I kept trying…I really did…whenever we were fighting crime, I was all business or I tried to be. I trained as hard as everyone else…I thought if I kept going, eventually I could change how you guys saw me…just this once, I could prove everyone wrong…and then we fought Adonis at the chemical plant."
Raven was about to interrupt when her mind caught up with herself and she froze, the words dying on the tip of her tongue. The pit in her stomach only felt like it was getting larger and larger with every word Beast Boy spoke. Beast Boy didn't seem to notice Raven's plight. His eyes had garnered a far away look, glossy and unfocused.
"I knew I wasn't the one any of you wanted to make a clutch decision…to make the right call…but I at least thought you all trusted me. We were all Teen Titans…"
Beast Boy laughed again but it was sad and almost closer to a cough. It hacked out of his throat, harsh and grating, sending chills down Raven's spine, like she'd heard nails on a chalkboard.
"But clearly there was an unspoken rule…when Slade was blackmailing Robin…we gave him every benefit of the doubt…when Cyborg was undercover at the Hive and fought against us…or when he left us for Titans East…he was never questioned…welcomed back with open arms…hell, you dropped it on all of us that your father was going to end the world and we all stood by you, no questions asked…I missed the part where this trust didn't apply to me."
Raven finally found her voice. It hadn't been a secret in the tower that Raven was…unimpressed, to say the least, when she found out how the others had handled the situation while she was unconscious. After giving Robin, Cyborg and Starfire, what in her opinion, was a very much deserved verbal bashing and getting promises from all three of them that they would apologize to the changeling individually, she'd found herself wandering down to the rocks to comfort him for the first time. It was the first time she'd really had a chance to see him without his relentlessly positive mindset…a glimpse into what was really going on inside his head when he was smiling on the outside.
"They were idiots…and they went about it wrong. I'm not going to try and justify their actions by saying they were scared or worried about me…"
"You don't have to…I know you weren't exactly happy about how they acted either…when you came down to me on the rocks…you made me feel…wanted…at a time I didn't feel like I was. You saw past the monster…if anyone could, it would be you…you made me feel like there was someone in the tower who thought I was worth relying on. You made me think that if I had one person on my side, I could change the perception of the others…one day, I could become that person that Robin wanted me to be…or that Mento expected me to be…or…."
Beast Boy trailed off and Raven watched on as the shapeshifter rubbed at his eyes before clearing his throat. When he resumed talking, his voice was firm and unwavering.
"You made me think I could be more…so yea, while you may not have meant to do, the way you acted around me…towards me…it made me feel pretty damn special. Whenever Starfire would shoot me nervous looks in the aftermath of the Beast appearing or Robin would question me whether I had it under control, your concern was for me…the person…it helped…more than you know. But then…Deathstroke's little chemical trick. I walked into main ops. I realised what was happening. I tried to get any of you to notice. I'll give you credit, it took you longer than the other three to go on the offensive…but the end result was all the same. If it was the Beast who'd gotten loose, a Beast by the way, I had shown, relatively good control of earlier in the day, you all went straight for the throat. Dammit, Cyborg has vials of the antidote in the Med Bay at all times! But that was never an option…it was Beast Boy...he couldn't be trusted."
"Gar…that's not wh-"
"I thought after the Brotherhood things would be different! That I could be different! That the team could see me as different! When the chips, were down, I made the right call! I led the little number of Titans that were left! Then, we get back to the tower and Cyborg is getting annoyed at me for not being the child I used to be. Well tough for him, he's gone! For years, the Titans wanted me to grow up, then I did, and then you wished I had never changed! But…we had some nice moments in the aftermath…and stupidly, I once again thought if I had you on my side…one Titan…I could convince the others…turns out you were never on my side….so I left…you all gave me an exit and I took it. I've tried to be good enough for other people my entire life and I never have been. So I went alone… I wanted to…no…I needed to know if I could do it by myself…if I could become good enough…"
Beast Boy's speech had gone on long enough at this stage that Raven had stopped healing her ankle and had brought her other leg over the bed. She still couldn't put weight on it just yet, but it was a start. Her mind was reeling. In all of her thoughts over the last few months, she'd never even fathomed that the reasons for Beast Boy not coming home ran this deep. Beast Boy seemed to have shrunk in on himself at the end of his tirade and had sagged back into sitting on the side of the bed. Raven reached out with her hand, with the intent of putting her hand on his knee, but she was still a little too far away and her fingers could graze it.
"Garfie-"
The contact seemed to spark Beast Boy back into life and he jumped from the bed and started bustling about the room.
"I'm going to scout the area, make sure none of Deathstroke's lackeys are skulking around…I'll be back in a few minutes…"
Beast Boy didn't look at Raven as he grabbed the keys from the counter and his hoodie from his bed before opening the door and slipping out into the crisp December air without another word. Raven wasn't worried that he wouldn't come back. He had too much of his own stuff on his bed for him to just up and leave and based on how he'd acted her so far, she didn't think he would lie to her. But still, as she stared at the front door which had been closed ever so silently only moments before, she couldn't help but feel even more lost than when she'd watched Beast Boy fly off from Titans Island that morning, leaving her behind once again.
On the other side of the door, Beast Boy stood for a second before silently leaning against the entrance way. He hadn't meant to go off like he did, but once it started flowing, he almost felt like he couldn't stop. With a shake of his head, Beast Boy donned his hoodie before using the ailing to catapult himself over the balcony of the motel, turning into a seagull mid-descent, before rising high, his attention moving to the task at hand. Anything to distract himself from whatever awaited him when he walked back through the door to the awaiting empath.
It had been ten minutes and Beast Boy still hadn't returned, not that Raven was worried about the shapeshifter's absence. Raven had taken to lying back on the bed, her hood pulled up over her head. She missed her regular outfit, her cloak especially. If there was one thing she could credit the changeling with currently, it was clear that he more than capable of taking care of himself. Still, she couldn't help but be aware of how long he had been gone for. For every minute that passed, it became more and more likely that he would walk through that door and Raven would have to think of something in response to his earlier admissions. Part of her was still furious with Beast Boy for leaving, but the more she thought about it, the more she realised that this wasn't a one off event...it was an explosion at the end of long and winding road, that seemed to have started even before Beast Boy had met the Titans in the first place.
While Raven disagreed with some of what he said about the Titans, there was no denying that some parts of Beast Boy's view had elements of truth in them, especially when it came to how the team had viewed his control of the Beast. As for everything else, Raven suddenly found herself ashamed to admit that she truly didn't know how to help him.
From Raven's brief encounter with the Doom Patrol, she'd made the judgement very quickly…she did not like Mento, regardless of the terms that the Titans and the Doom Patrol had left on when they fought together for the first time. He was controlling, over-demanding and borderline cruel to his own team. Raven didn't exactly see any of those as the quality of a leader and if Beast Boy had been with Mento growing up…she shuddered…she could certainly understand why Beast Boy had potentially been driven to thinking he wasn't good enough with someone like that in charge of his life. But also, she simply didn't know. Despite Beast Boy trekking across the world to help them, as far as Raven knew, none of the Titans had ever managed to get anything out of Beast Boy about his time with the Doom Patrol after his initial refusal to talk about them. At the time, Raven had been more than happy to drop the subject. But now, she wished that she had tried to talk to him again. Beast Boy had been relentless in trying to get her to open up when they were in the Tower and despite his methods being annoying at times, Raven could admit that she appreciated what he was doing and that after a while it felt…dare she say it…good to let some of her feelings out. She couldn't help but wonder why she, or any of the other Titans, seemed to have never tried to ever do the same for him.
Even if she ignored the Doom Patrol, that still left her with another huge unknown. She hadn't missed his slip of the tongue in his little speech. Obviously she knew that Mento and Rita weren't actually Beast Boy's parents but she couldn't remember Beast Boy bringing them up on a single occasion…and no one in the Titans had asked. There was a type of unspoken rule amongst the five of them that whatever happened in the past…that's where it was supposed to stay unless someone brought up there own history. But everyone had inklings of the other's history. Nightwing had left Gotham and his "mentor" to fly solo, Cyborg had had an accident that his father was involved in, Starfire was of Tamaranean loyalty, everyone knew Raven's parentage…well her father anyway. Before the Doom Patrol…Raven honestly couldn't say she knew anything about the changeling.
During his stumble, Raven had been able to pick up his emotions in snippets, one of the only times she had been able to during his tirade. He had felt ashamed…guilty…regretful…it was a sadness so profound that she was pretty sure the only reason it came through in snippets was that Beast Boy was trying to hide his emotions but it was too strong. Her mind drifted to the images she had seen when she established her connection with Beast Boy in the first place. A waterfall, a solitary boat chugging along…the place hadn't looked like it was in America... a row of needles in what looked like a hospital…maybe she had seen a glimpse into the life of the changeling that he had never wanted anyone to see…or no one had cared enough to ask about. In spite of all of this, Raven's goal was the same. She would bring Beast Boy home.
Raven was startled from her thoughts by the sound of a key entering the key hole in the door. Raven glanced upwards at the door from within the confines of her hoodie, confident that her gaze would be unseen from the outside. Eventually, a click ran through the room and the door swung open, revealing Beast Boy carrying a small plastic bag. He walked over to his bed without looking at Raven and tipped the contents of the bag out. Raven couldn't see what he'd returned with as he blocked her view of the items on the bed. Beast Boy seemed to be sorting through whatever he'd returned with, picking up one item and then shaking his head as he put another one down. Raven couldn't help but be interested in whatever had him so stressed.
Eventually Beast Boy turned to Raven, and Raven couldn't help but feel her eyebrows raise in surprise underneath her hood at the items in Beast Boy's hands. He looked at her with a slightly sheepish look. "I know you like to have tea after you've had to heal yourself like that…I don't know what your preference is nowadays but I remember seeing a chamomile box in the tower once before…and then just picked up all the stuff I think I've seen you put in it…you can mix and match it if you want. There's a kettle in the one of the drawers under the tv, along with some mugs…I can boil some water…if you want?"
Raven couldn't help but feel touched by Beast Boy's thoughtfulness, even if it seemed to come in the form of a peace treaty. She pulled her hood back just a little bit so her face wasn't entirely obscured and looked up at him from the bed, before starting to maneuver herself off of it. Beast Boy's eyes widened but Raven quickly put a stop to his panic with a raised hand.
"It's okay, I finished healing it and it's better for me to stay active on it…and yes, I'd appreciate that…thank you Beast Boy."
Beast Boy nodded and gave her an unsure half-smile before heading over to the chest of drawers and withdrawing a kettle that certainly looked like it had seen better days. He plugged the base into the wall before heading into the bathroom and filling up the kettle at the sink. When he came back out, he placed it on the base and began fiddling with the buttons at the bottom. Raven, who had just gotten to her feet, went over to inspect the other items Beast Boy had returned with. Some protein bars, bags of sweets, nothing of immediate interest but as her gaze moved from the selection he had brought back to Beast Boy's other personal items, Raven's confusion grew at the sight of something leaning against the wall on the other side of the bed.
"Beast Boy…why do you have a guitar here?"
Beast Boy, who hadn't turned around from setting up the kettle yet, responded without looking her way. ""It's not mine. When I checked the room out, I saw it behind the counter. The lady at the front desk said that someone had left it here months ago and even though they tried to contact the guy, he never responded, so they just kept it around for anyone who wanted to use it."
"…So why did you take it?"
Beast Boy turned around this time, shooting Raven a bewildered glance. "Ehm…cause I wanted to use it?"
"But you don't play guitar?"
Beast Boy's confusion seemed to dissipate, replaced with something slightly warmer. Raven noticed that slightly glossy look from earlier entering his eyes. "I actually do…just a little bit. I never learned any chords or stuff…was never really my thing but if you…here I'll show you."
Beast Boy turned away from the kettle, which had just started to boil and walked over to the far side of the bed, picking up the guitar. Looking at it again, Raven could understand why someone would leave it behind. The instrument looked like it had been through more battles than she had, with the sheer amount of wear and tear on it's exterior. Beast Boy sat on the edge of the bed, with the guitar in one hand.
"See most people play guitar with like, a pick and stuff and hold the notes with the other hand, but a long time ago, someone showed me this. See, instead of tuning it the standard way, you set up the strings so their…open. I don't really know how to explain, I just know what it sounds like, so when I play without holding anything, it still sounds good."
Beast Boy proceeded to strum all six strings and Raven, who had never really investigated playing music herself, couldn't hide her surprise when the guitar let out a wonderfully vibrant sound.
"That does sound nice."
"Beast Boy gave another half-smile. "Yea, I like it. But when it's tuned like this, and you can throw theory and stuff out the window, you can have a lot more fun, so I was shown how to play it like this."
Raven watched, in genuine interest, as Beast Boy took the guitar and instead of placing the side of it on his knee, placed the entire body of it across his lap. He then proceeded to slap the strings with his right hand, while his left hand covered notes on the fretboard, with both hands occasionally tapping certain notes separately, almost as if Beast Boy was playing the piano. It sounded rough and unrefined, but the melody and tune were there clear as day. Beast Boy was most certainly not a music aficionado, but Raven couldn't even attempt to hide her shock. He only played for a few seconds, before taking the guitar of his lap and putting it back against the wall.
"Yea…I don't know any actual songs but…I just like to have a play around on it sometimes…when I get the chance."
"I had no idea you could play. You never had a guitar in the tower."
Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck. "I did actually…just kept it in the closet in my room…I didn't take it out much though…I have to be in a pretty specific mood for it…your kettle is boiled by the way if you want to make your tea."
Raven, sensing that Beast Boy was trying to change the subject, choose to grant his unspoken wish and with a nod, turned and walked, with only a slight limp towards the small plastic kettle. She surveyed all the little extra's that Beast Boy had got her. Cinnamon, honey, ginger, vanilla extract…she couldn't help but feel the corners of her mouth turn upwards slightly. He'd clearly paid more attention in the tower than she thought as she looked at all her favourites laid out before. Raven picked up the small bottle of honey and was in the process of adding a teaspoon when she heard Beast Boy clear his throat behind her.
"Also…ehm…I wanted to apologise for my…eh…rant. Don't really know where that came from. You can forget about it, it ain't important."
Raven didn't turn around immediately, instead reaching over for a second mug. "Why isn't it important?"
She hadn't turned to face him, but she could practically feel the confusion emanating off of him. "Ehm…cause it's not your problem? I was just trying to shift blame for something that's my fau-"
Beast Boy stopped mid-sentence as Raven turned to face him, his eyes shifting to the two mugs in her hands. She walked over and handed one to Beast Boy, who took it questioningly. Raven rolled her eyes.
"It's freezing out, you just came in from outside. It's warming…also, I loaded it with honey and vanilla…if it isn't sweet enough for you…well I tried."
Beast Boy eye's shifted from Raven back to the mug, which he gave a critical look, almost as if he was weighing up whether Raven had been sneaky enough to poison his drink without him noticing. Raven raised an eyebrow as he brought the mug to his face and took a deep smell of the steam wafting off the top, as if he was trying to detect all the individual ingredients.
"Oh for the love of Azar, just drink the tea."
Beast Boy jumped, almost as if he had forgotten that Raven had been there the whole time, and tentatively took a sip of the brown liquid. Raven could see him rolling the liquid across the roof of his mouth before he closed his eyes and swallowed. A few seconds later, his eyes opened and he stared at the mug in amazement before taking another sip with far more enthusiasm. Raven looked on in mild amusement.
"Seems you've been missing out."
Beast Boy swallowed and took a breath. "Sorry…I've always had a sweet tooth and well…haven't exactly been able to indulge that recently."
Raven nodded, although her smile had disappeared from her face. "Anyway…you were saying?"
Beast Boy looked lost until he remembered what he had been saying before Raven had offered him the mug currently and suddenly found it much harder to speak now that the person he was talking too was sat opposite him instead of facing away. Raven looked at him, expectantly…knowingly. She knew exactly what he had been in the middle of saying. Beast Boy licked his lips, but found his tongue dry.
"Oh..ehm…yea, you can just forget about what I was saying earlier. It's not your fault, or the Titans or Mento's I just…I…just forget about it, it's easier for both of us."
"Sounds like it's just easier for you."
Beast Boy looked into the swirling brown liquid, spotting his reflection in the liquid. One eye stared back at him, the reflection obscured and twisting in rising steam. He wasn't quite sure if he liked what he saw.
"Beast Boy…look at me."
Beast Boy raised his head with some reluctance, finding himself having to drag his gaze away from the person he was looking at in his mug, a person he almost felt like he didn't recognize. He never associated himself with looking so…tired. Raven's face was neutral, her expression giving absolutely nothing away. It seemed her mug of tea had brought a familiar comfort and along with that came a degree of composure that Beast Boy hadn't been able to manifest.
"I'm not going to say that you're completely right or that everything you said was wrong. We both know it's not as simple as that. I'm not going to tell you how to feel and if I'm honest, part of me still wants to send you to outer perdition for being such an idiot…but let's get one thing clear. Whatever this perception you have of trying to reach other people's standards…drop it. There's no question about being good enough…you've always been so much more than good enough…if people didn't see it at times or needed reminding…that's their fault, not yours."
Beast Boy couldn't hold eye contact and dropped his head back down to look at his reflection. Somehow the person in the liquid was easier to look at. Raven didn't stop.
"The Titans…me…we messed up. We were tricked, but by a trick that one of us had fallen for before and we were all aware of. We didn't have the faith in you that we should have…that I thought I did have…and for that I've said sorry and I've done everything in my power to fix it…to make it right. Maybe you going off alone was the right decision, maybe you really did need some time alone to figure out the beast inside of you. I can't argue with what I saw outside the tower…but you can't punish yourself like this. Dammit, I won't let you. If you truly believe that you have no future with the Titans because of what happened, say it now. I'll walk out of that door and head back to the tower. You won't hear from any of us again, I promise."
The words were out of her mouth before she'd even realised it but she quickly realised why she'd offered such a proposal. Certainty. Finality. An ultimatum. She was so tired of not knowing…she needed to know. Beast Boy looked up at her in shock, seeming to register the seriousness of her offer. He'd clearly been caught off guard by the statement and once again found himself devoid of anything to say. After a few moments of silence, Beast Boy hung his head in defeat.
"I can't say that…even if I actually wanted too, I don't think I could."
"So you don't actually want to."
Beast Boy's head shot up to Raven, who was looking at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Beast Boy let out a dry chuckle. "You always were smarter than me."
Raven didn't let Beast Boy distract her. She had an idea that she wanted to test out…something that might just show Beast Boy what she actually thought of him. Unfortunately, she had to ask a difficult question that she wasn't going to like the answer too.
"What happened to your eye?"
Beast Boy froze completely. Raven had never seen the changeling so still in her entire life. It took him a few seconds to seemingly unthaw, before one hand raised from the mug he had been clasping and traced the edge of the scar.
"I woke up with it after the tower incident…Argent said that they did everything they could to try and save it but…it was beyond them."
Raven grimaced, but tried to not let the information phase her.
"Let me try and heal it."
Beast Boy looked at her, a sadness in his one good eye. "I don't think that's gonna work Raven…it's been so long since it happened an-"
"If it doesn't work, fine. If it does, you get your full sight back…what have you got too lose?"
"Raven, you just finished healing yourself, your probably still ti-"
"That's not a road you should want to go down."
Beast Boy nearly flinched under Raven's tone. It wasn't angry, but it was certainly clear that Beast Boy wasn't going to be able to use Raven herself as an excuse. With a reluctant sigh, Beast Boy placed his mug on the bedside table and scooted forward slightly on the bed so that his eye was in arms reach of Raven. Raven herself moved closer too, so that the their knees were touching. She placer her own mug beside Beast Boy's and reached out with her left hand, placing it ever so gently over the scar over Beast Boy's eye. The changeling shuddered under her touch. Without warning, Raven's hand erupted into a warm blue light, encapsulating the scar on Beast Boy's face entirely. She felt around like she always would for the source of injury and found nothing, not that that she was expecting to. She knew her normal powers wouldn't be enough for such an old injury. But that's not what she was counting on.
Raven began to focus on her connection with Beast Boy, much like she did when she attempted to help him with he was losing to Deathstroke while they had fought Johnny Rancid. She poured her energy into him, ignoring the twinge of pain she felt in her own head as her efforts intensified. Beast Boy began to feel a warm feeling seep into where he felt Raven's hand. It was familiar…comforting…it reminded him of flying in the sky for the sheer fun of flying…watching a movie in Titans Tower with everyone before everything…sharing a moment with Raven on the rocks. Suddenly, he recognised the feeling and his one eye widened. He stared at Raven, who had both eyes shut and was grimacing as if she was in pain. Beast Boy was about to yell at her stop when the blue light began to disappear and Raven's hand slumped down from his face. She looked up at him tiredly, a small smile spreading on her face as she did so.
"You can open the other one now as well."
Beast Boy, almost scared, reached a shaking hand up to his left eye. He felt no trace of the scar…no trace of anything. He carefully attempted to open his left eye and almost recoiled when his would burst into a clarity he hadn't experienced in his normal form in months. He looked around the room in wonder before turning back to Raven to thank her, only to see she had crawled backwards on the bed, to lie down. She looked exhausted. Beast Boy stood up for lack of anything else to do and began pacing around the room before turning to Raven.
"I recognised that feeling…what you did…you were there when I lost to Deathstroke…when I was going off the cliff…I felt that warmth…whatever it is you do…you saved my life."
Raven had managed to push herself up so her head was resting on a pillow against the backboard of the bed. "I don't know…you were in trouble and I thought I could help."
Beast Boy was still stressed. "I do know. It WAS you. It was the only memory I had when I woke up…this feeling of…I don't even know, but I can't forget it…but I was way worse after that fight…if this is you now...Raven, what happened to you after you did that the first time?"
Raven didn't falter under the strength of his gaze. "It doesn't matter, if I helped save your life than so be it."
"Raven…"
"I was fine, we're both her now aren't we?"
"Stop dodging the question!"
"Stop looking for an answer when it doesn't matter!"
"But it does matter! Raven, I need to know wha-"
"I gave it everything okay! I didn't know if you were dying of blood loss, shock, trauma! So I poured everything in…into to keeping you alive. It nearly killed me…Starfire said technically speaking, it did for a little while and you know what…I'd do it again, in a heartbeat and there's nothing you can say to make me think or do otherwise."
Beast Boy's next words fell off his tongue as silence filled the room, the seriousness of Raven's words sinking into his head as his mind explored every single connotation he could take from what Raven had just proclaimed. When he next spoke, his voice was quiet and subdued.
"Rae…please don't do that again…not for me…I…"
Raven cut him off, her voice firm and with a tone of finality. "I will do it again if I have too. I'll do it over and over again, so if you want to avoid it, you should just not be an idiot and don't go putting yourself in positions where you could be killed. Maybe don't go it alone if you don't have too…if you have people that want to be around you, I don't know, because they care!"
Raven studied Garfield's reaction and couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied by the defeated look in his face. She leaned back into her pillow, genuinely dealing with some of the effects of such a healing effort. Beast Boy seemed to notice her change in demeanour, his eyes becoming slightly sympathetic.
"Get some rest Raven…seriously…"
Raven looked at him disbelievingly. "And how will I know that yo-"
"I'll be here when you wake up…I promise."
Raven considered Beast Boy's words and found no trace of lie and she couldn't deny the effect that that type of healing had on her. She could practically feel her eyes drooping already.
"…You better be."
Beast Boy couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. "I value my life ever so slightly…I won't go anywhere."
Raven, satisfied with Beast Boy's answer, let her head sink in the pillow behind her. She was practically asleep before she'd even finished adjusting. Beast Boy couldn't help but hold his gaze on her for a moment or two longer. God, he'd missed her. Their connection had been better than nothing while he was gone, but also he had been expecting anything. Even coming back to the tower had been an impulse decision. He didn't even know if he had it in him to leave again…and what would be the point this time? He was still going to be in Jump City fighting Deathstroke for the foreseeable, so he was absolutely going to see all the Titans again.
Beast Boy headed for the bathroom, his mind whirring at everything that had happened in the last hour. What if he actually just listened to Raven and went back to the tower? From a tactical standpoint, Beast Boy could acknowledge it made the most sense. Being able to actually plan with the other Titans rather than adapting to their actions on the fly…that was a no brainer. But that obviously meant that he'd have to be…well…in the tower with them. How would they react to him? Did they even want him back? Did he want to go back?
Beast Boy glanced back at the bedroom from the bathroom door at Raven's sleeping form on the bed. He couldn't help but smile. The beast had been fairly loud inside his head since his little retreat from the island the day before, but since Raven had shown up, it had been oddly silent, almost as if it was evaluating what Beast Boy was going to do. At the minimum, he knew exactly what the Beast wanted…but him and the Beast where one and the same…maybe the beast could just see through the clutter to what he actually wanted. Beast Boy just didn't know if he even deserved to put himself first…
With that in his head, Beast Boy walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He found some detergent in a toilet cabinet and stripped out of his uniform electing to try and wash it in the sink. After all, he hadn't changed at this stage since he left Alaska. After that, he headed straight to the shower and put the hot water on full. If there was anything that he was hoping would clear his mind, it would be the steaming water from his first proper shower in two months. Living in nature had it's perks, but bathing in lakes and rivers in Alaska…in Winter…it definitely wasn't flawless.
Raven woke up to the sound of drawers opening and cracked an eyelid open to see what was making all the racket. Beast Boy, who had his back turned to her, was bent over the drawers at the front of the room, with a towel around his waist, clearly looking for something. She heard him make a satisfied grunt as he pulled something out of the bottom drawer.
"I take it you found what you were looking for?"
Beast Boy practically jumped out of his skin, before panicking and grabbing at the towel as his waist. He turned around, his face slightly red, shooting Raven an apologetic glance, before returning to looking through some other drawers.
"Yea haha…sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I was just…"
Raven would never be able to tell what Beast Boy said next. Thank Azar, that Beast Boy wasn't looking at her because that meant he wouldn't be able to see her eyes well…travelling all over him. She knew from the first time she'd seen him and during the fight with Adonis that he'd put on some muscle, but in actual fact, Beast Boy was shredded to the bone. Not bulky by any stretch, but his biceps were the perfect size for his arms, his abs were pronounced and defined and in a towel, water still dripping off his skin….
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNN!"
Raven knew that the appearance of one her emoticlones in her head meant it was a pretty strong emotion, shared by all of them. However, up until now, Rude had never been the one to make an appearance. Raven hastily looked away as Beast Boy turned again.
"…so yea, I just kind of threw everything in here and forgot where I put them."
Raven looked at what was in Beast Boy's hands; a white t-shirt and tracksuit shorts and made the connection.
"Where's your uniform?"
"In the bathroom. I did my best to wash it with some detergent I found under the sink…was getting a bit grimy."
Raven nodded, before stretching her legs. "How long was I out?"
Beast Boy answered as he walked into the bathroom to change. "Just over two hours."
Raven grimaced internally. "Nightwing is going to be…unamused."
She pushed that thought aside for the moment. "What did you get up to so?"
Beast Boy called back from the bathroom. "Washed my uniform and had a shower."
Beast Boy emerged from the bathroom in his new, simple outfit to Raven giving him a questioning look.
"You showered for…nearly two hours?"
Beast Boy's cheeks started to run red once again. "Hey, c'mon, I hadn't had a proper shower in months, I wanted to enjoy it."
"…For two hours."
"…I may or may not have shifted into animals that enjoy warm water…don't look at me like that, it's relaxing!"
If Raven's eyebrow could rise any higher, it would fly off her head.
"Oh really…and what animals would that include?"
"You know…frogs…alligators…capybaras…"
Raven looked at Beast Boy with the most neutral expression she could. "So just to be clear…while I was asleep, after healing your eye with every ounce of energy I could muster…you went into the bathroom and showered in the form of the worlds largest rodent…for two hours."
Beast Boy looked at her as if trying to assess if she would provide the correct answer to her question.
"….yes?"
"…yep, that's exactly what I thought you would do."
Beast Boy smiled, thinking he was off the hook and started walking towards the bed before what Raven said lodged fully into his head. Suddenly, he whipped around to her.
"Wait, what?"
Raven couldn't help it. She laughed. Not a giggle or chuckle or anything small, but a proper laugh. Beast Boy looked at her in confusion for a second, before he couldn't help himself either and joined in.
"Yea, yea…I guess it's funny when you say it like that."
"Yea it was…you're funny when you don't try too hard."
Raven got off the bed and stretched her legs, only to notice Beast Boy go back to the drawers and start emptying them out. There wasn't much, just a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans. He then reached behind the drawers and took out a backpack before heading over to his bed, shovelling the few personal effects he had inside. Raven's smile disappeared from her face.
"Going somewhere?"
Beast Boy jerked upwards at the coldness of her voice, which had sounded so much warmer only moments before. "Just getting ready…I never intended for this place to be somewhere I stayed too long."
"Yea…you don't tend to do that anymore, do you?"
Beast Boy winced but looked up to meet Raven's stare. Her face was completely devoid of emotion. Beast Boy hated it…luckily for once in recent times, he'd hopefully be able to change it.
"Yea…but I want to change that…I was thinking about what you said…I mean…while I'm in Jump and the Titans are fighting Deathstroke as well…it does make the most sense to work together…tactically speaking…you know...teamwork and stuff…so…I was thinking that I'd…ehm…go back to the tower?...with you?"
Raven's demeanor didn't immediately change and for a few seconds, Beast Boy couldn't help but feel like he'd still messed things up somehow. When Raven next spoke though, her words had lost the cold touch.
"You'll have to be initiated again."
Beast Boy froze. "Ahaha…I literally answered the Calling All Titans call…I didn't really leave."
Raven looked unapologetic. "Yes but…I think you need to be initiated again."
Beast Boy, the master of jokes himself, could sense when a challenge was being laid down, when someone was trying to pull one over on him. Maybe he would need to be initiated again, maybe not, but that's not what this was about…this was an olive branch.
"You know what Rae…maybe I should be."
Raven's cold exterior broke into something slightly more friendly. She crossed the room to Beast Boy, who was unsure of what she was doing. She stood before him and for a brief second, Beast Boy thought she was going to hit him. But then, slowly but with a certain sense of calm, Raven wrapped her arms around Beast Boy. Beast Boy was slightly taller than Raven, so Raven was able to bury the side of her head under the crook of his neck. Beast Boy, who was initially in shock, looked down at the empath around him before slowly returning the hug, leaning the side of his head down to rest against her hair. It was soft and smelt of lavender and jasmine.
"You probably know this from our bond or whatever exactly you formed between us…but you know I missed you Raven...right?"
"I know…but if you leave again without saying goodbye in person again, there isn't a hero on this planet that will be able to protect you from me."
"…Noted."
"…I missed you too."
The two broke apart and Beast Boy went back to packing his stuff away while Raven went to gather her things together. She called over her shoulder to Beast Boy as she did so.
"Also, don't think you're done with our little chat from earlier…I'm not having you doubt yourself…not anymore."
Beast Boy gulped, really regretting going on such a tirade without checking himself.
"Can I swap that for my accepting my initiation with a can-do attitude?"
"No."
"…fair enough."
Beast Boy went into the bathroom and after a few minutes came back out with his new uniform on.
"It's still a little wet, but I'd rather not have to transform and have you have to hand me my clothes when we arrive at the tower."
Raven nodded. "I can just portal us back if you want? Or would you rather fly?"
Beast Boy looked pensive for a second before answering. "Fly…I need some to think about what…what I'm gonna say."
Raven nodded, looking slightly empathetic. "Remember…we all made mistakes in this…I think you were an idiot…but you don't have anything to prove to anyone…you've always been more than good enough."
Beast Boy looked up at her with a half-smile. "Thanks Rae."
"Anytime Gar."
With that, Raven opened the front door and motioned to Beast Boy who took a three step run up before taking the form of an eagle and taking flight half way out the door. Raven followed him out after, closing the door behind her and taking flight into the crisp December afternoon, tailing the green eagle that flew just ahead of her. The motel room sat empty and silent, the only remnant that anyone had been there being the dripping water on the shower head and a guitar leaning against a wall that had seen better days.
The pair flew home in silence, Raven eventually moving to fly alongside Beast Boy rather than behind him. The air was crisp and the light was just starting to fade as the pair arrived on the island. Raven couldn't help but feel a pang of pain at the devastation still evident on the island itself, despite the fact that the tower was much improved. Raven began to ascend, indicating for Beast Boy to follow and the pair made their way up to the roof. Raven landed gently, her feet caressing the floor, while Beast Boy transformed in mid-air, landing in a crouched position. Raven didn't need to see his face to know that he was beyond nervous, she could feel the emotion rolling off of him in waves.
"Hey…calm down…this can't go badly, even if you think it could."
Beast Boy tried to put on a brave face, but Raven saw right through it.
"Yea, I know but…I'll be honest…I guess I just never put much thought into this moment…and now that it's here, I have no idea what to do, or say, or…I feel like I'm gonna be sick."
"That's okay…and not surprising, it'll be easier once Cyborg comes up with something for re-initiation."
Beast Boy shot her a look while Raven did her best to look innocent. "Just trying to lighten the mood…I feel like we've reversed roles."
Beast Boy snorted before his eyes drifted to the doorway that led downstairs, his face dropping the longer he stared at it. Raven's eyes softened a bit.
"Beast Boy…everyone in this tower has just wanted you to come home…that's by far the most important thing here…it's going to be fine."
Beast Boy couldn't hide the disbelieving look on his face from Raven, but she was able to feel the slight swell in his courage as he took in a deep breath.
"Okay…lets get this over with."
Beast Boy pushed open the door and proceeded down the stairs, Raven following behind him. The pair eventually arrived on the top floor hallway. If they followed the winding hall, they would eventually arrive at Main Ops. The pair walked in relative silence. Raven could practically smell the smoke coming out of Beast Boy's ears, such was the speed he seemed to be thinking about the coming reunions. He was muttering under his breath but Raven could only pick up a few words, but he seemed to be trying to find a good way to reintroduce himself.
"Just be honest…explain the reasoning you used with me at the motel…that'll be enough."
"That was too wordy though. You were getting annoyed at me by the end of it."
"I was getting annoyed because you started packing your bag before you started your explanation."
"…a fair point."
Suddenly, Beast Boy stopped dead in his tracks. Raven looked around in confusion until she realised where they were. The pair, on the way to Main Ops, had ended up outside Beast Boy's room. Beast Boy stared at the door as if it was a gateway to another dimension. Raven cleared her throat.
"We went in once or twice the first few days after you went missing, just to try and find something that would help us find you…we haven't touched it otherwise…except Cyborg, who couldn't help but clean it a bit when he went in one time."
Beast Boy only seemed to barely register what she was saying. He nodded dumbly and walked up the door, typing in his key pad number, causing the door to slide open. He gave a half-smile and slowly walked inside. Raven hung back a little bit, only edging forward when Beast Boy was fully inside the room. Beast Boy had moved over to a bed-side table and was carefully removing some stowed away clothes.
Beast Boy called out over his shoulder. "Hey Raven…you guys didn't go in my closet, did you?"
Taking this as permission to come inside, Raven shuffled in, thankful that Cyborg hadn't been able to resist cleaning the place. "I don't think so…there were enough…um…samples of you in your main room."
Beast Boy didn't turn around, but she felt a slight pang of relief from the changeling. "Okay, good."
Raven, albeit slightly confused by his question and answer, decided to let it slide for the moment and walked up behind Beast Boy. She was going to tell him that they should probably head down to Main Ops when she accidently saw what he had clearly been looking for. Beast Boy was holding a brown envelope, inside of which were a handful of polaroid photos. He was holding one separate from the others. In it, a man and a woman had one arm around each other, the pair both on one knee, their free hands on the shoulders of a truly ecstatic looking child. They were all dressed like they were on a safari and Raven couldn't help but acknowledge the warmth emanating from the photo.
"That's a cute family…who are they?"
She felt Beast Boy's spike of nerves before he turned around. She thought for a second that he was going to hide the picture away, but Beast Boy seemed to deflate only moments later.
"The couple in the photo…there my parents…like…real parents…Mark and Marie Logan."
Beast Boy hadn't turned around and so couldn't see when Raven's eyes widened. She knew she was treading on dangerous and unknown territory, but she had one more question that she had to ask.
"…and the child?"
Beast stood up, tucking the photos back into the envelope and placing it back in the drawer, before putting the removed clothes back on top of them and sliding the drawer shut. When he turned around, he waved his hands and then held them out by his sides, as if he was presenting himself to Raven.
"Yours truly…I was cute wasn't I…albeit a little pudgy."
Raven had suspected as much, but couldn't hide the astonishment on her face if she tried.
"…So you weren't always green?"
Beast Boy lowered his arms and shot her a pleading look. "Can we…ehm…can I explain that another time…I've got enough on my mind right now and that's…a long story that I don't like telling that much."
Raven nodded silently, taking the moment to process this new information for herself. Beast Boy started heading for the door and Raven followed. It was only once they were halfway down the hallway did Beast Boy speak again. "I just needed to make sure they were still there…the photos I mean…I don't…I don't have many things from when I was that young…it wa-"
"You don't need to justify anything to me Beast Boy…it's fine. You talk about it when you're ready."
Beast Boy gave her a silent thank you before coming to a stand still outside the large set of doors that now stood before the pair. Beast Boy had never been someone for being cautious going into a room, but the doors to Main Ops may as well have been displaying a sign that said, "Turn Back Now", on it. He had frozen up entirely until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder."
"You do realise that if any of them were to start blaming you, or start being…well, an ass, I'd be on your side, right?"
Beast Boy nodded, slightly reassured by her words. It was now or never. No turning back now. With a deep breath and sudden burst of courage, Beast Boy took a step forward and the main ops doors slid open. Beast Boy surveyed the room.
...
...
...
Main Ops was completely empty.
"Oh, c'mon! I psyched myself up for nothing!"
With Beast Boy's exclamation, a rustle came from the couch. Suddenly, three heads appeared over the edge of the couch, in sequential order from smallest to largest. Beast Boy looked at the new faces in confusion, before the middle head looked past him.
"RAVEN!"
With that, the three heads disappeared before reappearing around the side of the couch in a sprint. Beast Boy could only step aside as three kids burst past him and swarmed the empath who seemed to have been just as caught off guard as Beast Boy. Raven got down on one knee to embrace the kids, but her face portrayed the confusion that Beast Boy felt.
"Timmy? Teether? What are you guys doing in Main Ops alone? Melvin? Where is everyone?"
Melvin pulled back from the hug and looked at her with concerned eyes. "Uncle Cyborg, Nightwing and Starfire are out looking for you!" I overheard them talking and they said that you had disappeared from your room and could be in danger! They said they'd be back by nightfall, so they shouldn't be too much longer, but we were worried about you!"
Raven's face turned into a grimace. "Okay…Nightwing is going to be very unamused."
Raven pushed the thought out of her head, turning her attention back to the three kids surrounding her. "I'm fine, no need to worry. Just went out to look for a friend. Let's head over to the couch, we can talk there."
As the kids broke off from Raven, they seemed to notice the changeling for the first time. Timmy and Teether seemed to acknowledge him for a split second before sprinting off to the couch but Melvin stayed back. She looked up at Beast Boy, her stare critical and Beast Boy began to feel nervous under her gaze. Normally, he was great with kids, but not so much with kids that were giving him as dirty a look as Melvin was. He tried to break the tension.
"You must be Melvin, right? Raven has told me a lot abo-"
"You're Beast Boy. You ran away from the other Titans. You made Raven upset."
Raven, who had been walking towards the couch, whipped around both at Melvin's words and the coldness she said them with. It was a harshness that Raven would have been proud of it the recipient was different. She hurried back to Melvin.
"Melvin, it's okay…Beast Boy and I…we talked about it. We were both in the wrong but we're both trying to fix it, right Beast Boy?"
Raven had been expecting Beast Boy to latch onto her get out of jail free card when she offered it, but the changeling eyes were completely transfixed on something behind Raven and Melvin. Raven gave an exasperated sigh.
Raven hissed at Beast Boy through gritted teeth. "Beast Boy!"
But Beast Boy acted like he didn't hear her, his attention entirely captured by something else. After a few seconds, Beast Boy began to crane his neck upwards, the wonder in his eyes finally doing enough to even make Raven question what he was looking at.
"…that is a big teddy bear."
Raven and Melvin turned around to find Bobby behind the pair of them, towering over them, but his gaze focused entirely on the changeling. Melvin turned back around to Beast Boy, a look of complete astonishment on her face.
"You…you can see Bobby? But no one can ever see Bobby straight away!? He never likes anyone enough to show himself straight away!"
Raven could feel herself sighing internally. "Of course Bobby likes Beast Boy immediately…Azar, of all people…"
Beast Boy gave a half-shrug, his eyes not moving away from the towering behemoth that loomed above him. Bobby assessed Beast Boy for another few seconds, before he slowly extended a large paw towards the changeling, which Beast Boy tentatively took. Bobby's face broke out into a trademark toothy smile and he proceeded to violently shake Beast Boy's hand, practically yanking the poor shapeshifter's arm out of it's socket, before releasing him and sauntering away.
Melvin's astonishment turned to suspicion as she turned back to Beast Boy. "Okay…you get a pass…if Bobby likes…I like you…but you better be nicer to Raven! I'll be watching!"
She then turned to the empath, who was watching the girl with mild amusement. But Melvin wasn't done…not by a long shot.
Melvin put her hands on her hips. "And you! Don't scare us like that again! A simple message would have helped. As for him…", Melvin gestured at Beast Boy with a thumb over her shoulder before looking back at her siblings who's head were poking over the couch again and were nodding vigorously.
"We approve…but if he hurts you again, we won't give him a second chance!"
Raven's cheeks immediately turned a furious shade of red. "Melvin! First of all, that's none of your business…and secondly, fine, next time I will let you know where I'm going."
Melvin seemed to accept that answer, before a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "Okay, good…come on guys! Let's go explore the tower…leave these two alone…"
Raven's blush deepened. "MELVIN!"
But just like that, Bobby had scooped up the two kids on the couch and Melvin had moved out of Raven's grasp, slipping out of the Main Ops door, like she'd never been there at all, the only trace of her being the multiple tone teddy bear holding two kids that shortly followed her.
Raven couldn't help but feel like the atmosphere of Main Ops had become incredibly awkward. She turned to the changeling, who was also sporting a fierce shade of crimson on his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Kids, am I right?"
Raven looked way, silently willing the warmth to leave her cheeks. "Tell me about it."
Raven moved into Main Ops and took a seat on the couch. Beast Boy shortly followed her but instead of moving towards the couch, walked past her towards the glass window overlooking the bay. Raven could see him looking at the window. She was about to ask him what he was looking for when he answered her unspoken question for her.
"Weird…being back here."
Raven absorbed his comment before rising from the couch and floating over to join him looking out over the bay. He hadn't exactly lined it up, but he couldn't have been standing more than five feet from where he had been stood when the Titans had sent him tumbling out the window all those months ago. Raven landed on her feet beside Beast Boy, before looking up at him, something that she was still getting use too.
"I'd say so…but I'm glad you are."
Beast Boy let out a breath like he was releasing all of then tension in the world out of his body. "I think I am too…I feel like I'm doing the right thing…like I'm in the right place…you know?"
Raven, without even thinking, reached out and grabbed the changeling's hand and couldn't help but feel butterflies in her stomach when he gripped her hand back.
"I think I do…"
Beast Boy turned to Raven and she couldn't help but feel her breath hitching in her throat. She raised her hand, which he was still clasping, up to his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through the new contact. Beast Boy brought up his other hand, slowly and tentatively, and pushed a strand of hair out of Raven's face. Raven felt herself leaning in…Gar's breath on her face…her eyes fluttered closed…
But suddenly, something tickled at the back of her mind. Emotions…a set of emotions…strong ones at that…and they were getting closer. Raven's mind snapped back to reality as recognition dawned on her. She pushed away from Beast Boy, who looked shocked for a moment, before a crestfallen look dawned his features. Raven tried to explain.
"Beast Boy, listen, we're abo-"
"I get it Raven, it's fine, you don't have t-"
"No, Beast Boy, listen! We're about to have compa-"
The doors to Main Ops slid open. Beast Boy, having immediately understood what had happened, stood up straight, a foot away from the empath.
Cyborg and Nightwing didn't even notice the pair of them by the window, so engrossed were they in conversation.
"Nightwing, we checked everywhere. Going on patrol again won't help us fi-"
"What choice do we have Cy? If Raven's out there now and hasn't found Beast Boy, she has no back-up and no communicator. Star how long before you think you can head back out?...Star?"
Nightwing turned to Starfire, who was floating just above him and became alarmed when he noticed tears forming in her eyes, but she was…smiling? Cyborg seemed to have noticed Starfire's behavior as well and from the kitchen, the pair traced Starfire's line of sight to the window, where Raven and Beast Boy stared back. Nightwing's mouth opened and closed several times. Cyborg's robotic eye could be heard whirring away, as if it was trying to confirm to it's user that the scene before him was real.
Beast Boy, never one for a prolonged silence, cleared his throat.
"Um…she found me?"