Chapter 4

He was fidgety when he walked in the door, dragging an air of tension in with him as he walked, wrapping me straight into a tight hug before pulling away to run his hand through his own hair. You could feel the vibrations coming off him; pent up sexual frustration.

"Hey Kook, how was your week," I asked as I took his hand and dragged him over to the couch, collapsing next to him. As soon as we were both seated, he reached to pull me into his lap and I went willingly. The message outlining when he wanted to book me only said the dates and times plus a message to wear similar to what you wore last time. I took that to mean something relaxed, aware he was wording things carefully in case anyone else read it.

"I want to forget most of it," he said, hands coming to my hips, mouth straight to mine. This was definitely different from the times previously, when he needed to be guided and was still shy. There was no mucking around this time and you were down for it but it still felt like we should talk first, even just a little bit.

"Are you OK," I asked, lips already wet and plumped from the rougher than normal making out.

"Not really. Too many rules, not enough time to be me," he answered, sighing into my neck.

"I can help you forget," I said, tracing his face with my fingertip, knowing it was going to happen very quickly.

"Please," he answered, pulling me back against himself and I turned around on his lap, straddling his thighs as we ground against each other, mouths engaged as our pelvises brushed.

"Thinking about this is all that has kept me going," he mumbled into my mouth and I acknowledged it with a stroke of his nape as our bodies naturally got what they were both craving. Contact.

We were moving against the other in a pattern that didn't need to be practised, it just flowed. My body was already starting to burn on the inside and the look in his eyes told me his was burning before he even got here.

"Can I take this off," he asked a little desperately, clutching for my shirt and I nodded, even as my mouth tried to stay attached to him. His thumbs slid up the side of body, raising the top, exposing my breasts, braless this time as he wrenched it up and over my head, surprising me by carefully smoothing my hair down afterwards, tucking it behind my ears. Not that I should've been surprised. Even if he was feeling heated, the gentleman in him was taking the time to create more than just fire, still trying to connect with me. Even as he stared at my naked chest before looking back to my eyes. "Beautiful. All of you," he said softly before bending his head a little to kiss around the under curve of my breasts, one then the other, mouth and tongue moving like a ribbon over the two mounds. It felt heavenly and I told him so, spurring him to continue.

Now that he had begun to engage in the dance of our bodies, his desperation had waned a little, almost like now that he knew where it was heading, he could take a little more time and he was doing just that. Taking a moment to savour my body, he peeled off our clothes before heading to the final act. His mouth and hands moved all over, exploring and capturing and I let him do whatever he needed to do so he could rid himself of the demons worrying him.

Eventually his hands came to part my thighs, gently rubbing along my wetness, gritting his teeth. "Can we move to the bed," he asked and I nodded, sliding off his thighs and taking his hand to pull him up. He stilled our movements for a moment as we stood, taking my face in his hands as he kissed me some more. Then he let me pull him towards the bed, falling back against each other as I scooted up towards the pillows. His hands continued to roam as everything heated up again and I was happy to help him banish his thoughts.

"Condom," he asked, pulling away from my mouth and I reached for one, watching as he quickly tore it open, sliding it over his hardening length, tugging to make sure it was covering him properly. I wrapped my hand over top of his, helping him stroke himself and he hissed a little as he became even more solid under our touch before he caught my lips in his again, settling between my thighs, parted and ready for him.

As he sunk inside me, his head dropped to rest on my shoulder, a satisfied noise sliding from his mouth. "Your body, ah, I needed you," he breathed near my ear, stilling as we both adjusted to his length inside my heat. To hear him say that, to be needed, sent my heart beating quickly. I wanted him to want me, not as a client just needing a quick fix but as more than that. This week had been difficult, waiting to see if there was something that was different with him, some tangible thing I could hold onto or if my mind was just creating something that wasn't there. It was stupid. He didn't even live in this country. And I was a hooker, no matter how high end and what you called what I did, it's what I was. But I was still someone who craved to be needed by someone, to be cared for by someone. That part of me hadn't hardened completely yet.

Looking up into his eyes as he hovered above me, I pressed my mouth to his, lightly, almost not touching, just enough. And then I lifted my hips off the bed, circling them, creating the friction we were both craving, signalling I was ready for him to move. His breath hitched and then he started sliding in and out, slowly at first and building, eyes closing in concentration, bottom lip tucked into his teeth. My hands were on his biceps as he moved, feeling them undulate under my touch and I guided one to come up to where his hair stuck to his forehead, swishing it to the side as I tracked a droplet down his cheek to his jaw before I could only focus on the feelings growing inside my core. Sweat had never seemed so sexy to me before.

He was like a man possessed, thrusting fast enough now to start an actual fire in my pelvis with the friction and I'd not felt this energy from him before. It was hot and felt incredible but I was concerned as it felt somehow wrong, like he was punishing himself or someone else. Looking at him I worked out what felt different. He wasn't looking at me.

"Jungkook? Kook, baby, you need to slow down."

He seemed to come out of whatever fog he was in, stilling completely. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Am I hurting you?"

"No, no, don't be. I just don't want you to regret what's happening and I think you'd beat yourself up as soon as you realised." He wasn't being as gentle as he had been before and it seemed so out of character for him. Bucking my hips up, I let him know it was OK to move again and he did, slowly, concern on his face.

"Jungkook," I said, reaching up to his face, holding his jaw so he was focused on me, "don't overthink this. I just stopped what was happening because you needed to be present and whatever was in your mind was coming out in your body. Hard and fast can be really good, it can be amazing in fact. But if you're going to channel all of that feeling, look at me when you do. It will change how it feels."

He nodded, stroking slowly, connecting our eyes this time and I could see the fire had dimmed a little but not fully as he sped up, keeping our eyes linked. As we sank back into each others bodies and gazes, I was jolted with each thrust, reaching behind myself to grab onto the bedhead as he hit deep inside me. The intensity kept building, gasps leaving my lips with each quick stroke and as his mouth fell open with a deep moan, he finally let his eyes close and he came while I circled myself against his length, prolonging his orgasm and chasing mine to the end.

Falling forward gently, catching his weight on his arms, we both panted against each others skin, buried in each others shoulders as we came down from our climaxes. My arms relaxed from their grip on the headboard, fingers unlocking to reach and tentatively stroke the hair on his head and eventually he lifted his head. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, I could tell something was going on for you. It was still an epic orgasm," I grinned, eliciting a small grin from his lips.

Rolling off me, he lay on his back, arm slung over his eyes. "I'm just, yeah," he said, voice fading out, sentence incomplete.

"You don't have to talk about it Kook."

"I want to but I can't. Not everything anyway. And I don't know what you'd think if you knew."

"I won't judge you but only talk about what you want to." My fingers continued to play with his hair, the intensity of our encounter wetting it under my hands, ends sticking out as I attempted to tame them. He caught my hand in his free one, curling it as he brought it to his lips to kiss my knuckles. The gesture was sweet and reassuring, for himself as well as for me. It sent more sensations through my body that I pushed away. I couldn't feel those for him, this wasn't a relationship.

"Thank you," he said simply as he pulled his hand away from his face, looking at me, his eyes soft now that he had let him body force out whatever was going on for him. He took a few deep breaths before rolling onto his side and I did the same, pulling a blanket over our bodies as the sweat cooled on our skin. "There is someone."

"That you like," I asked, pushing down the jealousy that flared up. Irrational, unwanted, not helpful. I had always known I wasn't his one true love but for some reason I still felt envious that he had someone he had feelings for. That might explain why he'd had trouble looking me in the eyes. Maybe he felt like he was cheating.

"Yes and who likes me back, I think. Well, I do know."

"That's great then Kook, you're learning some skills for when you're in a relationship."

"No," he said sighing and I frowned. "I can't."

"You're not allowed," I asked and he acknowledged my words with a brief nod. "Who is stopping it? Your company?"

"Yes, we are known now overseas, it is a big time for us. I can't have someone to distract me. And I understand, it would be very difficult for them too as we travel a lot. But it isn't fair," he was pouting and I stroked his face as he closed his eyes, hiding the shine I'd seen starting to well inside.

"I'm sorry Jungkook, you deserve to be happy," I said as I moved closer, wrapping him in my arms and he leaned into me, resting in my embrace.

"I work hard, we all work hard. I don't want this to all be gone one day and I have no-one. I don't think they'll wait for me."

"If they don't then they're not right for you anyway. You are amazing, someone is out there for you." I continued to rub my hand down his back, gently letting my fingers graze over muscles.

"I don't want to think about it anymore," he said. "I'm here to see you."

The words were almost convincing and I let them linger in the air between us. I could give him what he couldn't get from anyone else right now even if my body wasn't the one he was really craving. It's what I did every week for others, it didn't need to be any different with Jungkook. But it was. I wanted to make him happy, to teach him, guide him, feel him move in and above me. I nodded against his body, the room slipping into a comfortable silence as we held each other, snuggling. That was another thing I shouldn't allow, it wasn't something I did with others. Mouth kisses, cuddling, they were both off the table with clients. With everyone but him it seemed. But I knew we both needed it so I let it happen since I seemed to be breaking all my rules when I was around Jungkook.

"I have done a lot of drawing this week," he said after a while.

"Oh what kind of drawing," I wondered, thinking about how talented he was, imagining they'd be good too.

"Landscapes of the body, mainly yours or what I could remember of it. Don't worry, I didn't show anyone."

"I didn't think you would," I replied, lightly touching his arm. "Did you bring any to show me?"

"No but I can next time, if you wanted to see them?" He looked a little shy but I was already distracted by the words 'next time." How long would he be able to keep coming? When was this going to end?

"Yes please, I'd love to. No-one has ever drawn me before."

"They should have. All of you is beautiful," and I was embarrassed that his words made me grin a sappy grin.

"Drawing was better than what I had been doing with my hands," he said, a little ruefully. "I had to help myself out every day. It was like, once I knew what it could feel like, I wanted it all the time."

"Sex can be addictive, especially with the right person."

"Yes, it felt OK when it was just me but not anything like how good it feels with you."

I blushed a little as his compliment, sending a smile his way. He was so good looking that it was almost too much to look at him for long. I snuggled down more into his arms, enjoying being this close to someone who didn't make me want to run as soon as our time was up.

"Have you always wanted to be a singer?"

"It's something I always enjoyed and people told me I was good at. When I became an idol, it was everything I could have wanted. It hasn't been easy though."

"I have watched a few things online about when you all first started. You have worked hard."

"Oh, thank you," he said and I felt his hand run through his hair before it settled around me again. "What do you want to do, when you stop doing this?"

"How do you know I won't be doing this forever," I asked. He had been careful so far not to ask any direct questions about why I was doing this job. Maybe like me he didn't want to think about the money exchanged for him to be here. It dirtied the things between us, muddying the already murky waters.

"Your name is not you and I think you want to go back to who you are," he said, lightly stroking my arm, his words insightful.

"Yes, I guess you're right. I don't want to be doing this forever but I needed the money. I had to leave home a few years ago, my parents were controlling me. Maybe I was just young and stubborn but I felt like I had to leave home to be free. I had a job to go to but my bosses didn't pay me and I found myself in a bad place. When I was offered this job, it seemed like a way of paying back everything I needed and starting my life again. I'm saving for university, I want to do design."

He had been quiet as he listened, not interrupting which I was grateful for. I hadn't told anyone in my world about how I had gotten here and I didn't share anything personal with clients. Normally. But this experience with Jungkook was definitely not normal.

"Design sounds great. What kind, clothes or houses?"

"Graphic design, for businesses and things. I have a few people I know that I have helped and they've all had good feedback. I know it's something I could be good at. And I'll get there, my savings are growing."

He was still listening, nodding along before he spoke. "I know you'll get there and do well. Fighting."

I didn't know what that meant but it sounded encouraging and I thanked him. Maybe one day I would.

"I also hope you find your way back to your family one day. I have two now, the family I was born to and the family that became mine after I joined BTS. Both raised me and got me through the hard years and I am grateful for them."

"Maybe," I said quietly, wishing it could've been true for me too. "Maybe things would be different now. We haven't spoken in about 5 years but I know they still live in my childhood home."

"That must be hard, I'm sorry."

"It's OK Kook, life can just be hard for some people." I didn't want to talk about it anymore, moving my hand down to rest on his thigh, silencing the conversation and he understood, not pressing me anymore. That was more than I ever intended to share, difficult days to remember that I wanted to push back inside myself.

"You helped me forget my bad week earlier. Can I do the same for you," he asked, hands coming down to rest on the skin above my waist, caressing gently.

"Yes please Kookie," I answered, a supplication whispered into the air. It sounded vulnerable to me but I hoped to him it just sounded turned on. I didn't want pity or to be reminded about what I did for a living. Ironic since he was asking if I needed him for the very act he was paying me to do. The answer was yes, I did. I needed a closeness, a connection, even if it wasn't real. For a moment in time I could pretend it was.

Taking my words for what they were, his hand came down between my thighs, playing with the soft skin on the inner side as he dropped his head to my chest. There was something gentle and sweet about the way he was touching me, no intensity of speed like when he'd arrived but clear intention in his movements as his fingers slid over my slit, finding my button, thumb circling it as he pressed kisses into my body. It was almost too much, too soft, too much like a lover. It almost hurt to be touched this way, making my heart ache as he worshipped my body with his. My hands rested on his back, feeling the muscles flexing under my touch as he heated me up and I could tell he worked out. All the neurons in my brain were firing and my skin felt alive, aching to feel him inside me and as the moans falling from my mouth grew longer and louder he pulled his hand away, reaching for a condom, sliding it down his length.

"Can I ride you," I asked and he nodded, guiding me to his lap, hands to my hips as I lifted up to slide myself down onto him. The wetness from his touches earlier provided a natural lubrication, seating myself on him quickly, stilling as our pelvises met and we looked at each other. I could feel him throbbing inside me and I locked my legs around his waist, pulling us as tightly as we could get without crawling inside each others skin. My lips reached out to find his and as they linked, I began to move, my walls squeezing him as I raised and lowered my body, the slow rhythm building in intensity. Our foreheads rested against each other, enjoying the pace as we rocked together.

When his arms came to my back, I rested back on them a little, trusting he could hold my weight, breasts pointed to him as he sucked on my nipples. Taking a turn to milk each of them, his teeth occasionally grazed an electric shock across their swollen tips as my head rolled back at the feeling.

"You really are the golden child," I said, eyes forced closed as his touch worked it's magic.

"Ava, I'm not a child," he said, thrusting up to meet my movements, sounding a little pouty.

Opening my eyes, I made sure ours were locked together. "Oh, I'm very aware of the fact you're a man baby," and he grunted as his hips snapped, hitting the right spot inside me, hammering it over and over. The stimulation extreme and exquisite, my head rolled uncontrollably as I released, orgasm causing me to still as I rode it out and he thrust up a few more times against my spasming depths, sending himself over the edge to join me as I clenched around him.

His mouth fell open against my neck, breaths uneven, panting as he struggled to regulate his breathing. "It's always different but always amazing."

"For me too," I answered, sitting back a little to see his face as I felt him begin to soften inside me, unlocking my ankles from where they were likely crushing his waist. "Sorry, I was squeezing you tightly."

"I enjoyed all of that, you can't hurt me," and I hoped that was true, not wanting to hurt the beautiful man whose huge, deep, round eyes were staring into me. I didn't reply, just nodded. I knew one day very soon he'd hurt me without knowing it, walking away and never looking back. It would come around quickly and all of this would be gone. He didn't know quite how painful that day would be, I'd never tell him and he slid out of me, helping me off his legs as he tied up the condom and threw it away before wrapping me back in his arms. I pushed that thought down inside myself, knowing I didn't deserve this happiness to last any longer than it already had. I was just a call girl after all.