Warnings for this chapter: All the angst (part 3), references to past abuse/trauma, anxiety/panick attack.
Chapter 10: How to break this spell
Hunter inhaled sharply, a chill rushing through his body as it received... something unexpected. It didn't hurt, quite the opposite actually, but it felt... He didn't know if there was a word for it. All he knew was that he wanted to pull away.
This was so confusing, so intense, so... wrong.
He had to hurt. This had to hurt! Just a second ago it was! Actually it still was.
But not as much. This time, as the (his) grip was trying to get stronger, to hurt him even more, it was finding something else. Something that returned the hold, just as tight but still so gentle. Something he was not supposed to feel, but he still did. Something that was real.
"Hey... I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere." The Blight girl's voice...! She was still there (?).
That feeling... It was her. A gentle hand holding... his own. The hand covering his shoulder, shaking slightly at this touch. While he could only stare, his vision getting distorted, flashing more and more, each time clearer, the image of Belos' hand resting heavily on him.
...!
...!
No... Let me go...!
"What's wrong...?! Noth-... to sa-...?! A-... -ou sca-...? Shou-... say... for you?"
He tried to pull away, while Belos' voice kept coming and going in his ears with angry, unclear whispers. Somehow this felt even worse than before, and then-
"Calm down. Don't listen to him. Just calm down. It's going to be okay." He could hear her move a little closer, her hand giving his a light squeeze.
And her voice was so much clearer. Honest and soft and (almost) completely devoid of the fear that covered it the first time...
But he couldn't hold onto it.
He couldn't afford it. Not when it was so close with- when it meant that he'd have to-
Ugh! What even was this?! A rehash of her first attempt to 'help'? Didn't they both agree that they couldn't do this type of thing? Even if he overstepped (yet again...), why couldn't she leave this alone? Why couldn't she leave him alone?!
...And why wasn't he pulling away anymore?
"If you don't want to tell me anything too personal, it's okay. If you don't want to even look at me, you don't have to. I know that neither of us is that good at this and how tempting it is to just curl in on yourself and shut everyone out. And I'm truly, really sorry if I can't help you, or be much of a comfort. I'm not like Luz..." Amity looked away for moment, guilt seeping through her last sentences. However, upon feeling a chill behind her, she took a deep breath, preparing herself for a leap of faith, and carried on before she could be interrupted. She wouldn't be. Not again. "But I can and want to try. Because, like you said, you need this, just as much as I do. And whether you believe it or not, you deserve it. I can't promise it'll fix everything right away, or that it will be painless, but unfortunately that's part of the deal. It takes time and a lot of effort, but eventually, things do get better. I can promise you this. So please... let me help you."
Amity's eyes remained on him as she finished, filled with a soft determination and, at the same time, a sense of worry she was so desperately trying to hold back. But it still found another way to appear, as her arm was trembling a little and she had to silently remind herself not to tighten her hold, for both their sakes. So that it wouldn't hurt him, or worse trigger him again. And so that she wouldn't lose her composure again, break down again...
But he still wasn't saying a word. And as if all this wasn't enough-
"Seriously...?! What did you expect to happen?!"
"Seriously...?! What do you expect to happen?!"
...
"He's a lost cause! I suppose that makes two of you..."
"Should I really spell this out for you? You're a lost cause!"
Come on...
"Are we out of pretty little words now? You're already doing nothing, dear. Just leave!"
"Go on... Whine and writhe like the pathetic waste you are!"
Please!
"Mittens... that's enough. There's no point to try anymore."
"You're still doing this? Still sticking to this false sense of pride?"
"I could give you one more chance. I could take you back."
"There's nothing left for you!"
"What would you even earn by staying? No one wants you here!"
"I never meant for this to happen!"
...!
...
"What?"
"What?"
Hunter ignored the voices and focused on his breathing for a moment, almost as though he wanted to make sure he could actually still breathe. Something that felt almost impossible to believe.
What did he just say? And why? Did that really mean he was weak? And this was the death of the last sliver of pride he had left? Or of the foolish belief that he could take this!? Honestly-!
...He didn't know anymore.
"I never meant to hurt him. Nor leave him. He was my-... He was the first person who believed in me, who looked at me and didn't see just a half-a-witch. But someone that could be special. He gave me status, power, a home. Everything. He... loved me. And I betrayed him...! I ruined everything!" Hunter heaved, feeling sick again. His whole body was tense, fighting a losing battle to keep the tears pricking his eyes at bay. "And now I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, or who I'm supposed to be! I feel angry and alone and confused and-and scared and I... I..."
He slightly turned his head for a second, his eyes immediately falling on the concerned gazes behind him (one of which felt heavier than the other...). But he quickly turned away from them. And the blurry, fading silhouette before them.
He heard the Blight girl wince a little at how hard he was holding her hand, but she still wouldn't pull away. "It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe." She said in an attempt to soothe him, as she returned the hold, her arm no longer trembling.
And he just kept holding on like his life depended on it, trying to breathe like she said, even if it felt impossible. Not knowing if he should (could) go on. But if he didn't, then probably...
"You ran away because you wanted to. And you said you don't regret it. But I... I didn't have much of a choice. B-Belos... He found out I was hiding a palisman and I was using wild magic. And he wanted to... He was going to..." Hunter gritted his teeth, silently cursing himself. He couldn't even say the word now! Not without that moment flashing before him again...
"So that's why you blasted him. Why you left. To protect your palisman." Amity finished for him, while realization and shock crossed her face, and he answered with a slow, nearly ashamed nod. His shoulders tensing up even more, as if he was bracing himself, and a whimper escaping him along with three whispered words, she wasn't sure she could make out.
She opened her mouth to say something, the look in her eyes slowly changing into one of vulnerability and guilt and her hold getting a little stronger. But then-
"Good. Now you've done it. You have nothing more to say. This is all you'll ever get. Nothing is left for you but to give up. So get up and co-"
"Good. Now you've done it. And yet you still have the nerve to say this?! You think it will earn you anything?! Nothing is left for you but to dis-"
"UGH! Do you mind?! We're trying to have a conversation here! Leave us. ALONE!" Amity yelled in exasperation, facing-
...!
She was facing her Mother. Her Mother who was all day talking her ears off and filling her mind with painful, poisonous thoughts. Now she was frozen, fading in and out of existence, without making a sound.
And it was then when she noticed she had stood up. Her hands clenched to fists to the sides, shaking so much that-
She turned around at the sound of a gasp, to see the Golden Guard fully turned towards her, staring at her in shock. In awe.
She did it again... She actually, really did it again! And now she didn't look scared or regretful. Could it have to do with the fact that it wasn't actually them and that made it kind of easier? But, he saw her before. She could be as much of a wreck as he was. Yet, she still...
"What... H-how can you do this?" He finally asked, as she sat before him again.
"It... can be hard, I think we both know this much. But sometimes it's necessary. And I couldn't always do it. Even when I was supposed to." At this she turned away, her face clouded by shame.
"Mittens? Please just stop. Honestly, you're just tiring everyone at this point. You are useless here...!"
However, she was quick to look back at him again, to avoid that chilly laugh prickling her ears.
He was still looking at her and he actually looked... concerned, curious, or maybe both.
...She let out a sigh, the shame remaining on her face. "When I was a kid, I had this friend named Willow. We were always together, practically inseperable. But she was... a late bloomer and my parents didn't like that. 'Blights are supposed to be associated with only the strongest of witches', after all. So, they forced me to break our friendship off... And I did. And ever since, up until recently, I just kept doing as they told, even when I didn't want to. Even when it meant hurting people. All because I was too afraid to go against them. That's my biggest regret... At least when you were given a similar choice, you chose your friend." She was in a constant back and forth as she was speaking.
As smiles and tears, fondness and guilt kept switching places on her face and in her voice, her gaze also drifting between the floor and the Golden Guard.
Who now had turned away, his expression unreadable and his hold on his shoulder slightly tightened.
"...It's not that simple." He half-whispered and for a second, Amity could see in his eyes the guilt hers beared before.
"I'm not saying it is. But, for what it's worth, I still think you did the right thing. And if he treated you like... that, that's all the more reason for it to be true. And I'm saying this as someone who growing up, was taught that she deserved to... be, just as long as she did what she was told."
Hunter turned to look at her for a moment, looking almost unsure. But he was quickly pulled back, the hand on his shoulder sharpened once again.
No! Stop! He screamed, but the voice in his ears was still there. Ten times louder, and more distorted than before.
"You dare to even consider this to be true?! Have you forgotten everything I gave you?! You think I would have done that, if I didn't love you?! You're the one who started this! You're the one who ruined everything! Who made me do this! ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"Shut UP already!"
...!
The Blight girl was holding him again. But this time, she wasn't the one who spoke.
Wait, where was-?
"It's okay, Hunter. It's okay..." His palisman... was perched on his other shoulder.
"You asked me before how I did this. This is how it started for me." She said, a gentle smile forming on her face. "By finding people who made me feel worthy of their attention and... their love, without me constantly having to prove it."
Hunter looked between her and the little bird, his eyes watery again. He... he wanted to believe her. But...
"I can't. He won't let me..." He breathed, lowering his head.
"You think my Mother let me? They may never let go, but we can. And we should." As she finished, she stood up again and held her hand out to him.
He stared at it for a moment, before reaching out a trembling hand. But when she tried to pull him up-
"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! You really think you can get away with everything you've done?! You betrayed me for a tool! A TOY! You deserve this pa-"
"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! You really think you can get away with all the disrespect you've shown?! I will always be here to bring you home! You will never e-"
"Stop!"
"...Excuse me?!"
"I said, stop!" Hunter spat, taking a quick moment to breathe before he could carry on (without being interrupted by the growl he heard behind him.). "He's not a toy! He's my friend! I... I love him! And I don't... I don't regret protecting him! Even if I never wanted things to get this far, I wouldn't have done it differently! I would never let you hurt him! And I won't... let you... hurt me... anymore!"
...!
...
...
Hunter fell on something. Something that could barely support him, just like his own legs. His hands were desperately clinging onto it, trembling from the effort in tandem with his breathing. The only sound he could hear, until-
"It's all right, easy there, easy. I've got you." She got him. She brought his arm over her shoulders.
...He had stood up. No hand on his shoulder...
"You did it! Hunter, you did it!" Just his palisman still on his other one, nuzzling his face.
He couldn't muster much of a response to either of them, but he did lean into the touch a little, before turning to face the girl, who looked at him with a smile similar to the bird's.
"Come on. We have to find Luz." Amity said, as they started going for the door.
Only to be stopped by her Mother right in front of it.
"Oh, seriously?! You're still going after the human?! You still think she'll actually want you to find her?! Your little pet project was a succ-"
"Luz loves me! And I love her!" She declared, a smile playing on her lips upon seeing her Mother's shocked face. "And right now she needs help. So just shut your mouth, and get out. Of our way!" As she finished, she placed her hand on the doorknob and through her Mother's stomach, while her image once again froze and then disappeared as they got through the door.
"Lu-...? Luz? Mija? Are... the-...? Plea-... Not no-!"
"I'm here, Mamá! I-I'm right here! Please work. Please! You have to work!" Luz nearly fell down the stairs trying to get this stupid fortune-teller to work!
But every time she did, it seemed to just get worse. There was some clarity for a few seconds, but then her Mom's voice started fading again! And just now, it felt like it was suddenly gone. Twice!
No... NO!
It couldn't be gone! Not now! Not yet!
"Come ON!" She called out folding and unfolding it once again. "Mom? Mom, are you there?"
"Luz?"
That was clear!
"Mom! Finally! I-"
"Luz, I can hear you but I cannot see you? Mi-... Where a-... -ou?"
Luz shook her head, her face twisting in despair. "No! No, no, no, no, no! Not again! I just-"
She stumbled on the last steps, finding herself on the basement's floor. The fortune teller out of her hands lost in the darkness. Immediately, she brought a light glyph out of her pocket and started searching. She had to find it!
"Oh, Luz... -ou're doing... -ain?"
That didn't sound like the other times... Even if her voice kept coming and going, her Mom sounded always worried, maybe scared. But now... she was disappointed.
"...What?" She gasped as she looked up towards the voice, pausing the search.
"You'- leaving...-e... Agai-..."
"I'm not leaving, I-"
"You nev- ...ent-... camp... you?"
"I... I-"
"And now y-... nev-... com-... ba-...?"
"I-I'm trying- I want-"
"You wanted... ge-... -way from me... Didn'-...-ou?"
"No, it's not like that!" Every time her Mom spoke, Luz felt the air getting sucked out of her lungs.
Again and again, trying desperately to explain herself. Tell her Mom how she missed her and wanted to see her. Only for her fading voice to talk over her, each time with a more devastating question, making the girl believe that it would be the last thing she'd ever hear from her.
"...Then what is it like?!"
That was clear too. Actually, painfully clear... A horrible mix of anger and sadness, and so very loud.
"I tried Luz, I really tried! I only wanted what's best for you and you just... You didn't care. You left... Forev-..."
And with half a broken word, it was gone again. "No...! No, I didn't- I never meant- I... I..." Luz went frantically back to searching, panting and trembling, just a rong word away from collapsing on the floor.
"Where are you, Luz? Where are...you? Where... are you...?"
"I'm here...! I'm still here...! I can get it right! I can fix this! I promise!" Luz kept rambling, while her Mom's voice just kept repeating that question, sounding even more broken with every repeat.
Until she finally spotted it!
Come on... Work, work! PLEASE WORK!
"Why aren'-...-ering Lu-...? Why di-... -eave me? Why?"
Luz opened her mouth but no words could come out. All that came out was tears from her eyes, as she fell apart. Clutching her head and silently begging all those questions to go away.
"Tell me... Wha-... I do wro-...? Why... -dn't you choo-... -e? Do... hate m-?"
"Luz?"
...!
At the sound of that voice, she abruptly sat up and turned around to see Amity carefully coming down the stairs, while carrying Hunter. And just as she saw their concerned faces under the glow of the light glyph...
"A-Amity? Hunter? Wha-what are you... doing here?" She immediately started wiping her eyes and keep her voice steady. But much to her frustration, the tears just wouldn't stop and her voice just kept cracking...!
Amity's heart broke for her. She just wanted to run to her and she almost did. But then she remembered that she was still carrying the Golden Guard, hearing him wince a bit at the sudden movement. She turned to him for a moment, but he was avoiding eye contact, looking guilty.
"...a burden... Dead weight..."
"You're usele-... seriously expect to... her?"
She tightened her hold on him, before they made their way towards Luz and then settled down next to her.
"Luz-"
"I'm fine! I... I swear I'm fine." She cut her off, still trying (and failing miserably) to pull herself together. "I just... need to get this right and-"
"Give that here!" The Golden Guard suddenly reached towards her upon spotting the paper fortune-teller in her hands, his eyes blank, in tunnel vision.
Amity just barely managed to hold him back, while Luz slightly pulled away, startled.
"I can't! Not now! I have to-..." Luz wasn't looking at them when she was speaking, neither was she trying to conceal the stress her voice carried. And when she paused, not only it got clearer on her face, but ten times stronger. "Ngh! No! I can do this! Just give me a little more time! I can get it right!"
She was flapping the fortune-teller open and close, her hands trembling, barely holding it as it emitted an unstable glow.
Amity reached out to her, before the glow could get too strong, but she was careful not to scare her. And just as she touched her...
She couldn't see anyone. Instead...
"-uz...? Where... you? Where are you...?"
She heard that same voice from earlier. This time slightly different. More despaired. More eerie...
While Luz was just trembling. Caught between thousands of different thoughts and reactions and responses, each of which felt wrong in a different way. So she could just stand there... frozen... barely breathing...
"Well, congratu-... Y-... broke her...!"
...!
She pulled away with a yelp, pushing Amity and Hunter to the side and firing a fire glyph.
But as she stood before them, trying to catch her breath, she noticed there was no one but the three of them there. But that...
Wasn't that... Mrs. Blight?!
...
...!
Amity and the Golden Guard moved closer to Luz as her legs gave out. The human glanced between the two in shock, clearly trying, but unable to utter a word.
"You saw my Mother, didn't you?" Amity asked gently, unsure if she should touch her again.
She nodded.
"And I heard yours."
Luz wanted to turn away, but couldn't bear to face another pair of eyes, turning to the floor instead. "I-it's nothing, really. You guys don't have to worry. But, what was that? How was your-"
"Luz, please-"
Amity noticed the Golden Guard about to reach for the fortune-teller again. However, before she could do something, she saw him place his hand on her wrist to stop her from using it again. And let her go, before she could pull another glyph from the bigger shock that would come. So the worst reaction she gave was a scream and a near stumble on Amity.
"You're not the only one who has to deal with a voice like that." Hunter said, his voice (by some miracle) remaining steady. "And you did insist on me talking about what happened at the castle. So... tell us what's wrong."
Finally! Holy macaroni, FINALLY! I really struggled with this chapter, and for that we have to blame for once again my stupid perfectionist brain and my even stupider college schedule... Which will unfortunately delay the next chapter as well. In other news, I adore S2B and Hollow Mind destroyed me mentally and emotionally. Also, in light of a few stuff that have and will happen in the show, some things going forward will be different from what I had planned (big surprise there...) and some will stay the same, because I don't know how to change them. Either way I'm extremely excited to see where the story of the show will go! I really hope you enjoyed this (much belated) chapter and I will see you all later! Please leave a review and stay safe. Byeeee :)