"Shmumberman! Shmumberman!"

Omar ran through the burning building, struggling to see through the thick, acrid smoke which billowed all around him. He was starting to feel the heat from the flames erupting around him even through the protective water bubble Shmumbra the mermaid had woven to keep him cool and safe. He could only imagine how Orla, who'd jumped out of the bubble to distract the villainous Shmumbernaught, was faring in the blaze. He tried not to think about it and searched harder.

"Oh, man... C'mon, Shmumberman, where are you? We kinda need you right now!"

Finally he saw him, a gleaming silver giant festooned with clear plastic hoses and circuitry. Shmumberman saw Omar coming towards him and held up his hand, warning him away.

"No..." He whispered hoarsely. "Get out of here, young man! Save..." Coughing fit. "Save yourself..."

"Can't, wish I could," Omar reached behind his back and pulled out an elaborate ray-gun like contraption. "But we gotta get you powered up so you can get us all outta here!"

The building started creaking. Quickly, Omar aimed the device at Shmumberman's chestplate and fired.

And that was when the roof collapsed.

#

The Big O sat at her desk in her office in the Odd Squad space station, currently hurtling far beyond our solar system. The view of the cosmos outside her window was magnificent but unfortunately she was too busy looking over forms and files to enjoy it at the moment.

"Hydrophonic gardens are doing well... What's going on with those solar flares, Agent Orthon?"

The turquoise-haired boy handed her a digital print-out. "Your plan worked, Big O," he said in an unidentifiable but vaguely Scandinavian accent. "The rocket we fired into the sun quelled the disturbance. The populace of Argos Four should be safe."

"Glad to hear it," Big O sipped a juice box as she skimmed over the print-out. "That's one more emergency taken care of..."

There was a gentle hiss of air as the office door slid open and Doctor O entered.

"Big O!" She announced. "I've just finished inoculating all the agents with the universal space vaccine. You're the last person on the list."

Big O sighed. "Fine."

She held out her arm. Doctor O produced a vaguely pointy-shaped silver gadget, touched it to Big O, and pressed a button. There was a hiss and a click.

"There." Doctor O put the gadget in her pocket. "Now our crew is safe from all extant space viruses, known and unknown."

Agent Orthon raised an eyebrow. "How can it protect from unknown viruses?"

"Because I say it can. And I'm a doctor." She bent The Big O's arm back and forth. "Now the next sentence you say will be in badly translated Corsican, but you should be fine after that."

Big O nodded, leaned back, then bolted upright in her chair.

"Chi... Chi pare una nave chi vene versu a stazione spazirle!"

The two agents turned to look out the window at what she was pointing at.

"Why..." Orthon sputtered. "Why, it resembles a UFO from your Earth film stories!"

It did indeed, a whirling silver disc pulsing with an odd, eldritch glow. It approached the space station, hovering just outside scanning range.

"That looks like..." Big O's eyes widened. "But what would he be doing here?"

Doctor O slammed her fist on the desk. "Blast it, ma'am, I'm a doctor, not a script consultant! I don't..."

Before Doctor O could finish her sentence, a bright orange bolt of energy leapt from the mysterious ship and enveloped the space station like a quilt.

"What's... What's..."

Alarms sounded.

Big O turned to the nearest intercom. "What's going on, Agent Obie?"

"We're under attack, Big O!" A girl's voice answered. "Whatever that energy is, it's eating away at the space station hull!"

"Ingenious, is it not?" A quivering, querulous voice suddenly came from the monitor. "I call it my termite beam."

A strange, goggled man with an orange smock, black gloves, and a bald, elongated head appeared on the monitor screen. He smiled thinly and coldly.

"Vortrax!" Big O exclaimed.

"Vortrax?" Doctor O looked puzzled. "You mean, the comic book villain?"

"It's a long story," Big O told her. Then, to Vortrax, "What are you doing in this dimension, Vortrax?"

"I have been sent here to collect you," the scrawny little man replied. "You will surrender yourself to me immediately. Otherwise your space station and everyone within it shall be destroyed."

#

"I know nothing of what others have done to SHMUMBERMAN," the woman told Otis and Olympia, sipping her coffee in the small outdoor cafe. She struck a dramatic pose. "And I do not care."

"But... Aren't you Deborah Weiss-West?" Olympia asked anxiously.

"We understand you used to be a big name in the comics field," Otis added.

"I am big," Ms. Weiss-West sniffed. "It's the comics that have gotten small." She took another sip of her drink. "Seriously, the page count goes down every other year. They're practically pamphlets now."

The two agents exchanged a look. Sighing, Otis carried on. "Be that as it may, we need information..."

"I cannot provide you with information. I am far too important."

"Ma'am, the fate of the universe may be at stake..."

"I pay no attention to such things."

"You pay no attention to the fate of the universe?"

"It is beneath my notice. I have no time for matters that do not concern me."

"Ma'am, this does concern you. It's the universe. You live there."

"I find anything that is not me to be frightfully dull. And I make it a point to ignore that which is too insignificant for my attention, which is everyone and everything. I am, after all, an incredibly important person. I am a professional comic book writer."

"Ma'am, we..."

"And now, I must leave you," she stood up and collected her things. "I must resume weaving the endlessly fascinating and utterly glorious tapestry that is my every day life. I would try to explain it to you but it's far beyond your understanding, for you are not me and are therefore beneath me."

Otis steepled his fingers. "You said you had to pick up your sick cat from the vet."

"And if I'm late, they charge extra," she tied her scarf around her hairdo. "I'm sure you will be fine safeguarding the fate of the universe. Of course, it is far too insignificant to matter to me..."

She continued talking more to herself than to anyone else as she left.

A moment later, the waiter brought the check.

"I... Uh..."

Otis looked at Olympia. Olympia looked at Otis.

"Did you bring any money?"

The two agents started going through their pockets.

#

"One thing puzzles me, though," Professor Straw mused as she walked through the alley with Otto, Olive, and Little O. "As comic book characters, we can't go beyond the page we're depicted in."

Otto nodded. "Yes. We remember."

"But everything we've just been through can't all be on the same page. Shouldn't we have run into the panel borders by now?"

"That's because we're in a fanfiction," Little O explained. "I don't wanna dwell on it because it's complicated enough flipping between the Shmumber-verse and our world without breaking the Fourth Wall on top of it, but that's what's happening."

Olive nodded. "That's why we haven't had to do any basic math yet."

Professor Straw shook her head. "I didn't understand a word of that."

"You're lucky. I did." Otto looked around. "Anyway, we gotta build a dimensional transport and get some Shmumbertonium to power it."

Olive nodded. "Let's start with the Shmumbertonium. Where does Shmumberman keep it?"

Otto thought. "I don't think they ever said in the comics..."

"Well, it's obvious!" Little O snapped her fingers. "He must keep it in The Shmumber Cave!"

"Great!" Olive grimaced. "We have no idea how to get there from here!"

"I do," Professor Straw said. "But there's no Shmumbertonium there. Why would Shmumberman keep the one substance that can destroy him in his own home?"

"Superman keeps Kryptonite in his Fortress of Solitude..." Little O insisted defensively.

Professor Srraw stared at her. "You keep losing me... Anyway, all the available Shmumbertonium is kept in the former evil lair of Doctor Soup now guarded by Hugo the former factory worker turned crimefighter."

"And you will never lay your hands on it, Odd Squad!"

A masked, caped figure dressed head to toe in white suddenly appeared out of nowhere, brandishing what looked like an ordinary walking stick.

"The Chameleon Thief!" The agents gasped.

"In the camouflage suit garbed flesh!" He twirled the stick in his hand.

"Watch out," Little O warned. "That thing can shoot lasers!"

"I know!" Otto replied. "I've read the comics too!"

"Then you must have guessed I've been following you invisibly for quite some time!" The Chameleon Thief gloated. "It's been fun. But it's time to wrap things up."

He pointed his walking stick at Professor Straw. "I will especially enjoy eliminating you, turncoat! Say goodbye, Professor Amanda Straw... Or should I call you... Diabolica?"

Professor Straw gasped. Then she hung her head.

"It... It's true. Before aiding Shmumberman by building high-tech devices to help in his fight against evil, I was the villain known to the world as Diabolica!" She confessed. "But I had no choice! The nefarious terrorist organization L.I.Z.A.R.D..."

"L.I.Z.A.R.D?" Otto raised his eyebrows. "You mean the Legion of Insidious Zealots Assembled for Revenge and Devastation?"

"No, the other one. The one with the robots. They forced me into a life of crime! They kidnapped my cat, Mister Thompson, and if I didn't serve them, they said they'd... they'd..." She sobbed.

Little O sighed in exasperation. "Well, we KNEW that!"

Now it was The Chameleon Thief's turn to gasp. "You... But how could you..."

"Like we said, we read the comics! That story arc was collected in a trade paperback years ago!" Otto smirked. Then he turned to Professor Straw. "How is Mister Thompson, by the way?"

"Died a couple years back."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that."

"It's all right. I have a kitten now named Francesca and she's..."

"ENOUGH!" The Chameleon Thief sliced the air with his cane. "Time for the four of you to be eliminated!"

Little O tilted her head and smiled. "Do you really think we're just going to stand here and let you zap us?"

"Ah! Feisty!" The villain blurred and vanished, his voice echoing from the empty air. "But you can't fight what you can't see!"

"Maybe not." Olive snapped her badge phone shut. "Luckily, we don't have to."

There was a high-pitched whine and a flash of light. Then, to the Chameleon Thief's amazement, the four heroes were gone.

#

"Come on, Mitzi," Ocean soothed the agitated velociraptor which screeched and clawed the floor as he slipped the lead around its neck. "Let's get you back to your habitat..."

Owen approached cautiously. "That thing's under control, right?"

"Yeah, dude! She's cool..."

Owen started walking towards them.

"...As long as you don't make any sudden moves or anything."

Owen stopped.

Ocean coaxed the anxious dinosaur back into the dinosaur room and slid the temporary restraining door into place.

"There!" he told Owen. "I think that's all of them! Poor guys were really freaked out by the lights and all the screaming and everything."

"Yeah?" Owen checked to make sure the restraining door was secure. "Well, it's just a good thing no one was hurt!" He examined the door-frame. "I can't imagine what happened to that door. It's five tons of solid steel! How could it have just disappeared?"

"It didn't," Oona rose from the floor holding a handful of dust. "It disintegrated. Something made the whole thing just crumble into powder so the dinosaurs could get out!"

"We're just lucky most of them were nesting!" Owen rubbed his face with a handkerchief. "Lessee, the only ones that got out were that thing, the pterosaur..."

"Carol-Anne, yeah," Ocean nodded. "And Scooby and Pete and Shawn. Can't forget Shawn. Shawn was the BIG problem, man..."

"Shawn was the T-Rex, right?" Oona looked nervously at the door. "Yep, that would be a problem! He could swallow a kid whole with one gulp!"

"Oh, yeah!" Owen sighed. "I'm just glad he was in a good mood when we found him! If he'd been hungry..."

"Yeah, dude! That's kinda what I been wondering about!" Ocean checked a chart on a clipboard. "His last feeding time was hours ago. He should've been ravenous! But he was super-mellow..."

"As if he'd already eaten." Oona shuddered.

"Hey, relax!" Owen held up his hands. "I know what you're thinking. But we all just did a headcount and every agent who should be here is present and accounted for!"

Oona exhaled. "That'd a relief!"

Ocean was still worried. "But what could've..."

"Relax!" Owen assured him. "I'll review the security footage later! But trust me. There was no one around the T-Rex could have eaten!"

None of them noticed a torn, badly mangled red sneaker over in the shadows, the last remaining trace of the villain called The Chrononaut.

Later, Owen would indeed watch the security footage. And unfortunately, he'd be eating pizza at the time.

#

"Poor, sweet, innocent boy... I shall save you... I shall rescue you from this debased, polluted sphere..."

"AAAAIIIIGH!"

The syrupy-sweet voice echoed through the OSMU van. Oswald concentrated on getting his index cards put away before fully committing to his panic.

"This wretched realm of suffragettes and race mixing... This world where morality is completely lost..."

Doctor Persephone floated toward him, her arm outstretched, her shawl trailing behind her, her gown billowing at her feet. Strange faceless phantasms formed behind her and marched lock-step in her wake.

"Come..." She smiled sweetly. "Let me rescue you."

"GAAAAH!" Oswald recoiled.

The smile faded to a scowl. "I should have realized. Another mongrel needing discipline. Let me calm your tortured soul. Let me soothe your worried mind..."

Oswald made a noise somewhere between a cough and a shriek. "Don't touch my mind! I need my mind! It's my best feature!"

"You'll be happier when I calm it for you..."

She advanced upon him, her long, skinny fingers inches from his face. Her ghost minions crowded the van.

Oswald swallowed hard. "Okay... Okay, what do I remember from the comic? Doctor Persephone is a medium..."

"Be silent..."

"And she can make ectoplasm and control ghosts..."

Ectoplasmic tendrils extended from her fingers toward him.

"And the only thing that can stop them is..."

He reached behind his back.

"BRIGHT LIGHT!"

He produced a flashlight, shining it in her face.

"NO!"

She roared in fury, falling to the ground, her skeleton showing through as her mists and phantoms dissipated. By the time they regrouped, Oswald had fled down the hall.

Doctor Persephone hissed. Gathering her skirts around her, she levitated and flew after him. Her ghost servants followed.

"AFTER HIM! DON'T LET HIM ESCAPE!"

#

TO BE CONTINUED...