Chapter Two

Breakfast that morning was silent. The large gleaming oak dining room table seemed ungodly vast for just two people. There was enough food to feed a congregation of people. Platters of toast with ramekins sporting a rainbow variety of jams. Hard boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, sunny side up eggs. Several finely cut squares of meat along with bagels and porridge. The only sounds in the dining hall to be heard was the cutlery of Sir Liam and Queen Garnet. She kept her eyes trained down as she spread raspberry jam across her toast. It was all she wanted. Liam, however, sported a full plate and was busy focused on peeling the shell away from his egg. He did, however, steal glances at her from beneath his dark bangs. She looked so angelic as the morning light poured over her freshly washed onyx hair. Her creamy skin was bright. But there was no denying how troubled she seemed. Liam was aware that Garnet was prone to depressive bouts. Ever since the turmoil the castle had endured at an attempted insurrection, it seemed to follow her incessantly. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to break that barrier to make her comfortable to talk about it. A large part of Liam wanted to chalk it up to that, anyway. He had a hard time telling himself that, actually, it was because of that boy named Zidane and that's why she was closed off from speaking her feelings. He meant a great deal to Garnet, that much was obvious. And, again, Liam was flustered over the fact he was still working hard to truly win the center of his fiancee's heart. Garnet could feel Liam's eyes falling across her. Hesitantly, she looked up to meet his gaze. Liam offered a smile as he bit into his egg.

"You know, it's such a lovely day out," Liam told her, dabbing his face with his napkin. "It looks like it will be pleasantly warm. You and I should do something."

"Such as?" Garnet asked, her toast still untouched. "I have a lot of work to do in preparation of the weekly hearing. I fear I'm further behind than I would have liked to be."

"Oh, the people will always have something to complain about," Liam's grin never faltered as he sat forward on his elbows. "With the textile businesses pleased, I think you've gotten the biggest Moogle off your back." Garnet's dark eyes only stared back at him across the table and he brought his hand to his chin. "Okay, you're right. As a future leader alongside you, there can't be any dilly dallying on the tasks for our nation. I know! Let me surprise you with something. A way to shake your day up from the mundane work."

"You needn't go to troubles for me like that," Garnet shook her head.

Liam sat back in his chair, watching as she resigned to finally eating the breakfast she wasn't the least bit interested in. His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked at his beautiful bride. His mind reeled for just a moment before he gently pushed his plate away from him. Garnet saw the indication and watched him, slowly lowering her toast. "It's not fair what you do to yourself, Garnet." Rigidly, she sat up straight and the toast scraped down her throat. "You carry all of these burdens. You let them eat you away. A life cannot be simply all work with no play, sweetheart. It will eventually drive you up the wall. And... you don't have to face this music all alone. I'm here. You know that, right? I will always be here for you." He sat forward again, his hand falling somewhere between the center of the wide table. His simple gold band glinted in the sunlight, nearly piercing Garnet's eyes. "A lot has happened in the past two years, Garnet. I know that. But we can't keep living in the past, letting it hurt us." His hand curled into a fist across the gleaming surface. "If it were in my power, I'd go back and change everything about what I did. I wasn't a smart man all those months ago. And I kick myself for it. But I love you, Garnet. More than you could ever know. And I want you to trust me."

Garnet's hands knotted up in the linen in her lap. Her breathing had shallowed as she stared at him. Memories flashed by her eyes. She saw the candlelit dinner and her head began to ache as she recalled her lifting the tea cup to her lips. She remembered waking up beside him, nearly blind with a headache, as he whispered sweet nothings to her. She saw the way he froze on the balcony, absolutely stunned, as Zidane teetered over the balustrade. As she looked at him in that moment, she could see how hard he was trying. Garnet's stomach constricted in knots as she realized the silence was becoming pronounced. She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat.

"I really do appreciate you saying that to me, Liam," she did her damnedest to keep her voice steady. She wouldn't allow herself to cry. "Sometimes, with how hectic everything is, it's easy to get muddled in the details. I know it's not healthy. And it's not fair to shut you out. But sometimes, I just cannot help it. It's easy to convince myself that the music is all mine alone. Part of me doesn't want to share these burdens or these grievances because it's not right to just pile onto you, either. One would think at this point... I'm just used to all of this. I play the 'what if' game every day and every single moment, I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing or just brewing another disaster. It's a fine line, Liam. One that none of us asked for. And I don't know why you feel the need to try to fix it."

Liam straightened up again. "I'm not trying to fix anything. There is no fixing any of this at all, Garnet. All I want is to understand. We can find a way to make this manageable. I don't want you to forget or suppress a thing. I just want you to be able to live again. To smile again. We have to break these chains off you before it's too late. It will consume your entirety soon enough. And I couldn't live with myself knowing you are only miserable and sad. It's not fair to you. And it's not fair to your friends and loved ones to see you this way. I just want to see you happy again, Garnet. That's it." He paused for a brief moment and drew a breath in. "And do you know why I want to do this? It's because I love you. And you should feel worthy of the relationships you have fostered."

"I'm no good at goodbyes..."

"I'm leaving you to find myself, so I can be the best person I can be for you. It's not forever. I promise you that. I'll come back. I swear on my grave."

"You just have to let me do this and trust in me."

"I trust you, Zidane."

Garnet threw her linen over her partially eaten breakfast and rose to her feet. There was that awful weight again in her chest. "It's not up to you to save me, Liam. I can save myself. If only everyone would just stop harping on the same chord." And with that, she turned and stormed out of the dining hall.

Liam fell against his chair, his nostrils flared, as he let out a deep huff. He crossed his arms over his chest, putting his palm to his mouth. He listened to the clock tick faithfully in the silent room. Only three days until the wedding. He wanted all of this to feel so right for them. Natural. Like the other reunions he had watched. She was the most perfect, beloved person on the whole of Gaia. Why could everyone see it except for her? She deserved parades and merits. She was one of the heroes of Prevailing Peace. Why couldn't she giver herself credit where credit was due? And why wouldn't she allow anyone to help her? Liam grew frustrated and he got up from his seat, slowly approaching the window. What could he even do? She rejected him in every way. Would they ever be happy together? Liam couldn't picture his life without Garnet. It was slowly becoming clear the feeling was not mutual. He wouldn't let that stop him from trying, though. Liam had to show Garnet that happiness was everywhere. You simply had to open your heart and be accepting of it.

...

Garnet sat hunched at her desk in her private studies. The swaying pendulum of the clock continued without fail. She scratched a line of thought across a parchment and as she reached for her jar of ink, she paused, and lifted her eyes. The dark portrait of Queen Brahne loomed over her. Her mother hadn't had an easy time on the throne, either. They both had enjoyed a prosperous and joyous childhood. But their innocence were each marred by war and political unrest. Though, there was one thing Brahne had that Garnet did not. A true companionship. Arranged, nonetheless, it was easy to see Emet and Brahne loved each other. Until the bitter end, however, when Princess Garnet had died and Astrid was conceived in secrecy. She did remember, however, having a happy family life, even in the wake of such atrocities. Garnet let out an uneven sigh as she shook her head and continued with her work. She scrawled another line before, again, her eyes were turning upward to look at her mother. It was almost as if the portrait had something to say to her. The way her mother's eyes followed her every movement as she laid sprawled on the chaise lounger, drenched in gold silks. Garnet pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. Just as the moon looked at her, so did that painting. It had been hanging there for nearly three decades. At many times in Garnet's ruling, it simply only judged her. But now, it seemed as if words were rolling right off the oil paints.

"How much am I failing you as your successor?" Garnet asked the painting suddenly. The silence irked her, however, and she came to her feet, pressing her palms flat to her desk. "I'm trying my best. I'm still picking up your pieces. I wouldn't have to feel this way if you hadn't allowed yourself to be duped by weapons of mass destruction!" She sighed in the next beat and lowered her head. "I am not blameless, either. But, Mother, sometimes I haven't the faintest clue as to what I should be doing as Queen. I wish you were here to guide me. Or at least give me some sort of a clue." Garnet watched the still portrait, each passing second putting more and more anxiety within her.

The open window brought a breeze through the room and she found the papers of her desk getting whisked away. She cursed to herself, having forgot her paper weights. Garnet came to her knees and began pushing the parchments back together into a messy pile. But a folded letter caught her attention. It had been tucked into the side of her desk. She was surprised it had been swept off. Carefully, she unfurled the letter. It was dated from over two years ago. It was a letter from Vivi, sending her love and friendship, well wishes and updates from the Black Mage Village. Garnet felt her heart pang sorely in her chest, as again, she was reminded of everything she lost. As her eyes fell towards the bottom, she paused. I only wish Zidane was here to see this progress. I hope he knows how much I've tried to give to the Genomes. He wouldn't be alone in the world any longer if he knew how well they were assimilated. Garnet's eyes were bright and intense now. She cocked her head to look over her shoulder at her mother's portrait. She was breathing heavily now as she rose with only Vivi's letter, leaving the rest in a mess on the floor.

"Don't you think if he were there, he could spare a moment to write to me?" She asked, rather regretfully. "I'm both sad and angry at him, Mother. He promised. Part of me thinks he is over the idea of me. But another is leading me to believe something happened to him..." Garnet touched her forehead as she felt a headache coming on. She fell into her seat, Vivi's letter sitting open in her lap. "I don't even know what to believe anymore. Things are not as they should be. Or at least... how I envisioned them. I never thought I'd have to live in a world without Zidane again. But what can I do? I can't force him. He is his own person who has also been through so much. I just hope he's happy... wherever he is..." Garnet pushed the tears away from her eyes as she set the letter on the desk and began cleaning up the rest. She could still feel Brahne's eyes boring into the side of her as she arranged her notes and letters. She didn't know what to think anymore. She didn't know what to do. Slowly, as she gathered the letters, she felt a deep twisting in her stomach. For a moment, she thought she'd throw up what meager breakfast was inside her. But then it turned in a terrible wrenching within her that made her cold and upset.

What was she doing with herself? Why was she allowing her body to bleed out, doing absolutely nothing to stop it? Maybe Liam was right. She was punishing herself and yet seeking no redemption. Where was that girl from three years ago, barreling down a vine of the Iifa Tree to do what she believed was best, not at all concerned for her safety? The horrors she faced head on, the atrocities she followed the wakes of. How was she able to do any of that when now she couldn't even help herself? Was it all because of Zidane? Was he the reason for her inflated feeling of safety? She could feel the tears pulsating behind her eyes as she tried to arrange the letters into order. It was suddenly becoming difficult to breath. In the next moment, though, the door opened, and she froze where she was on the floor.

"Sweetheart, I've readied your surprise!" Liam emerged into the room and paused. "What's happened?"

"Oh, I had the window open but no paper weights," Garnet shook her head, trying to dispel all her inner anguish. She sat up now with all the papers gathered in her arms. "A surprise, you say?"

Liam smiled in the doorway, his dark hair clawing across his forehead. The gold buttons on his black satin coat gleamed in the afternoon light. "I'd never go back on my promises. You've been in here for hours, sweetheart. Let's get you some fresh air."

Slowly, she came to her feet and went to settle her papers on her desk. She took one more fleeting glance at Queen Brahne before she turned, allowing Liam to lock elbows with her.

...

"Okay, no peeking!" Liam laughed as he lead Garnet by her hand, her eyes closed. Beneath her boots, she felt the familiar cracks and chips of the stone staircases she had come to know quite well. They were on the pier that reached into the bay. Where only a week before she had shattered a wine glass. And where years before, she chopped her hair off symbolically. Her feet found the base of the steps and Liam came behind her, pressing his hands to her shoulders. "Alright..." he whispered, sending a shiver down her spine. "Open your eyes!" When she did, she was presented with the scene of a blue and white gingham laid out at the end of the cobblestone pier. There was a wicker basket, along with a gleaming bucket filled with ice and a protruding bottle of wine. "I figured taking our afternoon lunch outside would be much better!" Liam seemed excited and his green eyes sparkled as he took Garnet's hand and lead her towards the scene. Together, they settled on the blanket as a cool breeze came across them. Garnet looked out across the bay at Alexandria. It seemed so far away in that moment. She lived so disconnected from the kingdom she tried to dutifully serve. Liam opened the wicker basket, not even throwing as much as a glance in Alexandria's direction. "Alright, we've got potato salad. Oh, cubed cheese, my favorite. Some lady fingers... hmm, oh, I see they also packed some marbled bread and what's this?" Liam lifted a glass container from the basket and leaned in closer to it. "Wow, this smells divine. It must be rosemary butter."

He put all the food between them and then worked on pouring them each a glass of wine. Garnet tried her best to grin as she accepted it, but her mind was still wandering back towards her private study. Had her mother really heard her? What was that letter trying to tell her? Her eyes gazed at the water that lapped against the pier, leaving behind a slimy film of algae. In a lot of ways, Garnet's heart was just like the bay. It ebbed and flowed against each other, continually changing directions. Her heart, some days, felt confident enough to go with the flow. But others, it only crashed against itself, uncertain of which way to truly go. She held her glass against her chest, her brow furrowed, as the white capped waves sailed away from her.

"What's on your mind, my love?" Liam asked, claiming a cube of cheese for himself. Garnet lifted her dark eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Garnet shook her head. "I was just thinking about the letters I had read in my private studies."

"Anything you'd like to share?"

Garnet's eyes were gazing across the bay, watching the rigid waves ripple back and forth in an endless tug of war. She sipped her wine, her view locked on the bustling city of Alexandria that could faintly be heard over the water. "What an unfortunate world we live in..." she whispered. "That there is a request for a second orphanage. The Peasants Revolt left more of a mar on my population than any sort of blemish on my kingdom. Frustrated craftsmen and laborers, pushed to the brink of an anger that cost them their lives and shattered their families. A letter such as that truly does have you thinking..."

Liam's hand came across her shoulders, his fingers gently massaging her tense muscles. She couldn't help but freeze up even more beneath his touch. "Oh, sweetheart, it's letters like that that should have you counting your blessings for what you have. And realizing within you, you have the means and the spirit to help. You may not be able to solve the problem, but you've got a formative response. It's not an answer, but action."

"Yes, well," Garnet's eyelashes fluttered. "Action or response, it can't help but remind you of who you let down all those months ago."

"Hey, hey..." Liam scooted closer to her. Garnet distracted herself with her wine as she felt his arm come around her waist. "There's not a single person on this planet who is perfect. The world does not need perfect people, Garnet. What it needs is people who are honest. Good people like you, who own up to their mistakes and seek to be the best person they can be. Ones who do not rest on their laurels." Liam relished in the closeness to Garnet, admiring the side of her face that only stared forward at the town of her subjects that she tried so hard to please. He pressed his forehead against her, giving her a nudge. "There's not a single person on Gaia who hasn't made mistakes that they dearly wish they could change. You and I are no exception to that. What's important is that we learn from them... and also learn to move past them. They don't define us and we shouldn't allow them."

Garnet drank her wine and was relieved when it finally began to make her head a bit lighter. She didn't mind Liam touching her as much that way. She turned to look at him, their faces only inches apart. "Are sins... ever forgiven, Liam?"

"I sure hope so," Liam managed to crack a smile. He brought his hand up to gently push her dark hair from her bright face. "Have you forgiven me, Garnet?"

She turned her eyes back on the water of the bay. There it was again, like her mind, pulling and tugging at itself. Slowly, she drank her wine as any means to stall. Garnet licked her lips, and surprisingly, smiled. "I don't know... do you feel forgiven?"

He brought her hand to his lips, gently skimming along the diamond perched on her slender finger. "In just three short days, I think I will." She felt her stomach plummeting as, again, she was confronted with the reality that she would be married to the man. Liam set his wine glass down and now wrapped his arms completely around her. His lips came close to her ear. "Just tell me what you want, Garnet. What will make you happy?" Liam pressed himself against her and she felt her back come down against the soft linen beneath them. She gazed up at the engineer who loomed over her with glassy eyes. "You know I'd do anything to make you smile." Her heart was beating thunderously in her chest, her shaky hand lowering her wine glass.

"I just want to be loved for the right reasons. I want to be... forgiven..."

"Sweetheart..." he whispered tenderly, running his thumb along her cheek. "Those wishes have already been granted. What would really make you happy?"

Garnet's dark eyes were becoming wet and she blinked rapidly. "Things that are just not possible in a world like ours..."

"Then let's make a world we can be happy in. Together. A world with no defined rules, no written limitations..." Liam dipped down, his lips hungrily finding hers. Garnet closed her eyes and allowed him to kiss her. She tried to pretend it was Zidane in that moment. She reached up to run her hands through his hair, trying to convince herself it was those blond locks she so desperately adored. She tried to imagine his neck and shoulder muscles contoured beneath her palm.

"We can't wait around until it's too late, anymore, Dagger. I've learned my lesson."

"There wasn't a day that passed, Zidane, that you weren't in my heart, taking up every corner and crevice like you owned the place."

"Can we actually be together? Can we make this work?"

"I can't be the King, Dagger."

Abruptly, Garnet ripped away from Liam's lips, gasping sharply. She was confronted with the sights of a man she didn't want to see. Quickly, she stumbled from his grasp and to her feet. Tears were streaming down her hot face as she backed away from him. Liam looked to her in shock and was just beginning to stand. Garnet, however, turned away and rushed up the stairs, her arms pumping back and forth. Her breaths were sharp and shallow as she allowed the garden to consume her. She eventually found a dark corner all by her lonesome and, shakily, she collapsed onto a marble flower bed. Garnet pressed her back into a hedge, uncaring of all the twigs stabbing her back. She pressed her hand over her mouth, unable to stop the ragged sob climbing up her throat. Her shoulders jolted as the hot tears began to fall and she crumpled over her knees and allowed all her grievances to come out.

"It's just not fair...!" Garnet cried into her palms. "What is wrong with me?!"

...

When it came time for supper, Garnet was, naturally, not hungry. Finding an appetite anymore was nearly impossible. She mostly just ate for show. She had been pinning her skirts for months to make it outwardly appear that her clothes still fit her properly. She spent the rest of the afternoon holed up in her private study with the door locked. However, she didn't get even an ounce of work done. Instead she laid on the chaise lounger her mother had posed on for her portrait. Her fingers were locked over her stomach as she listened to the clock tick the hours away. Brahne's eyes never left her once. Garnet felt so sick inside. Her only solace was that the shocked Liam had not sought her out. That was probably the only thing about their relationship that she liked. The fact he was too confused to form words so he left the situation untouched was the best thing he could do for her. Would there ever come a day she would long for his seeking?

Garnet sat up on her elbow as the clock chimed at the top of the hour. Dusk was setting over Alexandria and slowly, candles and lanterns were burning brightly through the windows of her citizens. She pulled herself to her feet and approached the window, pressing her forehead to the cool glass. She wished she could be anyone else. Garnet didn't care if she lived paycheck to paycheck. Anything different would be total freedom from the hell she was slowly constructing around herself. All that was left to do was shackle her wrists together and kneel for her final execution. Garnet pressed her palm to the glass and slowly her fingers curled together. Was it really checkmate?

Eventually, she peeled herself away from the scene of her quiet kingdom settling in for the evening and she found her numb legs leading the way to the dining hall. When she entered, Liam was lighting candles on the table. He heard her movement and looked up, almost like a Chocobo caught in lantern light. Liam shook the match out and then rubbed his sweaty palms along his slacks. He took only a few steps forward as Garnet remained in the doorway, seemingly hollow and soulless. Liam opened his mouth, but shut it to rethink all of his words. The orange sunlight was bleeding over his broad shoulders as his mind tried to navigate the trenches before him.

"We... we should talk," Liam finally said. Garnet slowly inched closer into the room, her dark eyes never leaving him. "I... I think I went too far and made you uncomfortable. I put you in a compromising situation that, to be frank, neither one of us should have been in. You kept your modesty. I did not. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. The wine and the conversation just took me away. It's certainly no excuse but... I still cannot iterate how sorry I am."

She stared at him for what seemed like a while before she finally approached him. "You have no reason to be sorry, Liam. It's me who should be sorry."

"What? No, never," Liam reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, staring at her intensely. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Garnet nearly shook beneath his touch as she stared at him in the warm candlelight. "Oh, but I do... I have so much to be sorry for." In the next moment, she surged forward and wrapped her arms around him. He was surprised at first, but wasted no time holding her slender body. "I wish I had the words to formulate my thoughts..." She whispered into his coat. "But I just don't, Liam. All I can say is that I'm sorry right now... and forever..."