Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, & angst. This later becomes a BL SasuNaru story, so don't read if you're not a fan of that pairing.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 11
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Sasuke cleared out of the bathroom and staggered back into the parlor, his mind numb until he finally collapsed into a chair. "Ughhhhhh. That sucked."
He threw an arm over his eyes as he tried to push back the thoughts crawling to the forefront of his mind. Starting with Naruto telling him to stop, asking him why he kept touching him, why he kept closing in on him like that.
"I can't help it.." he had whispered back.
Why did I say that?
Yeah- why did you say that?
Go away, Naruto.
Ohhhh- does it suck having someone in your head when you don't want them there, Naruto bit back- his voice thick with sarcasm. Oh, how cruel! How could I ever do that to you?
I get it, he ground out. Now fuck off.
Fine, Naruto muttered. But I still want answers.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Yeah. You and me, both.
His mind drifted over to his conversation with Kakashi, one that Naruto caught bits of, but not enough to understand.
Something about needing someone and being.. vulnerable? Wait, do you mean with Kakashi? Hey- Teme! You didn't do this with Kakashi-sensei too, did you?
Don't test your luck, Naruto. That bathroom door doesn't have a lock.
Whether Naruto heard the rest of his pondering or not, Sasuke didn't know. It was silent on that end for the remainder of the dobe's shower.
--
"Have you always been this touchy with me?" Naruto asked.
He was out of the shower now, curled up on a chair on the other side of the living room- as far away from Sasuke as possible.
Black sweatpants and a dark blue shirt hid his marred, yet desirable body from the aggravated raven. Naruto's damp blonde hair hung heavy around his face, and he found himself nervously fidgeting with it under the Uchiha's watchful gaze.
Sasuke was desperately trying not to think about any of it, but that was getting increasingly difficult. And it didn't help that he knew the Uchiha crest was on the back of that shirt he was wearing. Something about seeing Naruto in his clothes. It felt like.. claiming him. Marking him. It made a primal side of Sasuke very happy.
And that wasn't his only problem. His eyes flashed over to Naruto's face- from cheeks that were still flush from the hot shower, to the stray droplets falling from blonde locks, slipping down his neck..
Fuck.
The blonde could see himself through Sasuke's eyes as he continued to examine him, and it made him feel.. uncomfortable. He needed to pull the raven out of whatever weird fucking trance he was in.
"Are you going to answer the question, or are you just going to keep staring at me?"
Sasuke blinked. "Haven't decided yet."
"I know you weren't always like this..", Naruto muttered.
"Then why did you ask?"
Naruto flipped him off. You could stop, you know. All this weird stuff you keep doing..
Sasuke's eyes hardened.
You could just stop and go back to being the old Sasuke. Like how you used to be.
"Is that really what you want me to do, Naruto?" Sasuke asked quietly. You want me to go back to living a lie? To being someone I'm not?
Naruto looked up, surprised. "Sasuke, that's not what I meant-"
"I know you'd rather pretend not to understand what's going on here," Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "but that doesn't mean I have to go along with it."
Naruto's mind snapped shut. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Sasuke dropped his head on his hand with a sigh. Long raven strands slipped across his pale face, the gentlest caress across his temple and cheekbones. Naruto swallowed heavily, then looked away.
"Naruto," Sasuke said, his voice low and strained, "I might be able to hide it, but.." I can't change how I feel.
The blonde shook his head, biting down on his lip hard. Sasuke..
"I know.."
We don't have to talk about it now, Sasuke thought, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice or his thoughts.
Naruto noticed. He pressed his teeth harder against his lip.
Sasuke wanted him to think about things he just wasn't ready to think about. Which is what made being connected to the Teme so fucking difficult! Sasuke's thoughts were already funneling into his, whether he wanted them to or not. Forcing him to think about.. more.
More than he could handle.
More than he was ready for.
And far more than anything the Sasuke he knew would ever have wanted. Especially with Naruto. Or so he thought. But, now that's suddenly different? Why now?
He was so confused- by all of it.
The dream.
The advances.
The longing looks..
Do you even know what you want, Sasuke?
Sasuke's face darkened, his eyes burning with something heavy and indiscernible. "Yes. I do."
Naruto's face paled.
Maybe.. maybe you're confused.. he tried.
Sasuke stared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me? That's the line you're going with?"
Naruto threw up his hands, eyes wide with alarm. "Wait-wait! No, that's- that's not what I meant!"
Sasuke glared at him, but waited.
"Sasuke, you saw me when.. when I-"
Naruto sighed. This is too fucking hard to say out loud..
Then just think it. Sasuke said back. What are you trying to say?
You saw those.. those guys. And me.. Naruto could feel his face redden. If he wasn't busy avoiding Sasuke's eyes, he would've seen the same color seeping into them as well.
What are you getting at?
Maybe the reason you see me... I mean with the dream and- Naruto groaned, irritated with himself. Maybe you're just.. curious. You know. After seeing me. Like that.
Sasuke leapt to his feet fast, knocking his chair back in the process. Naruto's head shot up in time to see a pair of blood-red eyes before the raven was on him. He grabbed the blonde by the Uchiha shirt he wore, and yanked him to his feet, pulling him close.
"I see.." he growled. "So that's it."
Naruto felt his stomach tighten into knots. He opened his mouth, prepared to calm down the angry Uchiha, but he missed his chance.
"You think it excited me to see you like that? And what- that I decided to try it out for myself?" Sasuke's mouth curled with disgust. Wide blue eyes stared as crimson ones darkened.
"Is that what you think of me, Naruto?"
"No! That's not- I didn't-"
"Am I just another one of them to you?"
Naruto grabbed the hands on his shirt, holding them tightly. "No! Sasuke- I don't see you like that, I swear. That's not what I meant."
But you think I'm just curious. A curiosity that comes from seeing you-
I'm not saying you want to hurt me, Sasuke. Naruto thought hurriedly. I know you don't. That's why I'm here! That's why you're my fucking friend!
Sasuke stayed quiet, letting the blonde speak.
It's just.. maybe you didn't think of me as.. well.. as someone that a guy would want to.. to do that with. Until-
A conglomerate of horrid images passed through their minds- Naruto's arms pinned down on a gravel path, his head jerked back as a mouth descended on his neck. A hand slipping down Naruto's stomach, and then further..
Sliding beneath his waistband.
Obsidian eyes widened. What..?
"Naruto" he breathed. "Did he-"
Naruto pushed him back. "Stop. That's not- we're not- I'm talking about you!"
Sasuke's eyes burned. "I'm. Not. Like. Them."
He grabbed Naruto's hand and yanked it toward him. Naruto tried to pull it free, but the Uchiha's grip tightened. "Sasuke?"
"Look at me." He placed Naruto's palm against his face, his dark eyes silently pleading.
Naruto looked up.
"Do I look at you the way they did?" he asked quietly.
Another memory stirred between them. Sasuke could see the unabashed hatred in the man's eyes when he told Naruto no one would stop them. Flashes of the same look- one of malice and excitement- filled his mind. Every time the blonde pleaded with him, every time he screamed or cried out- it was always the same.
Naruto blinked away the memories, and the sudden tears, and stared up into onyx eyes filled with concern. "No", he whispered.
Sasuke slipped the blonde's fingertips slightly lower, until they were brushing against his mouth. "Do I talk to you like they did?"
Naruto flinched, knowing a memory would follow.
The sound of their callous laughter echoed in their minds. One voice cut through, cruel and terrifying. "When it's my turn, I'm not stopping until he begs for me to fuck him harder." Naruto could feel his face redden with shame.
"No..."
Sasuke forced back his rage as he guided Naruto's hand from his face and pulled it down to rest at his heart.
"Do you truly think that what I feel is the same as what they do?"
And this time, it was Sasuke's thoughts that filled their minds- of times they shared, and times that were precious to just him..
A collection of moments when he'd sneak a glance at Naruto, offering a soft smile, then hide it before the blonde noticed.
Times he noticed the way the light caught in Naruto's deep blue eyes, or how the wind moved his hair. How he had often been so tempted to close the distance between them that he had actually reached out for him. Then, horrified with himself, quickly snapped his hand back.
Times when Naruto was shoved in the hall, or tripped walking by a desk, and moments later when Sasuke would retaliate on his behalf.
The resolve that rushed through him as he stepped between Naruto and Iruka-sensei.. and Naruto and the men.. and Naruto and the villagers. How good it felt just being able to protect him.
"Don't you get it?" Sasuke asked softly.
My feelings are not from some grotesque curiosity. They're not from being confused or bored or any other obscene thing you can accuse me of.
"Naruto, I-"
Naruto slammed his hands against the raven's mouth, effectively cutting him off. "Ok!"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Ok?
"I- I believe you, Sasuke. And I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for accusing you of.. well-" Naruto chewed on his bottom lip, looking utterly ashamed.
It was wrong of me to.. to assume that this was just..that you were..
Naruto suddenly noticed that his hands were still covering Sasuke's mouth. He quickly pulled them back, his face red from embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, ok?"
Sasuke considered him, then released his shirt and straightened away from him. "Ok."
"Ok?" Naruto stared at him. "Wait- is that it?"
Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. "Were you hoping for more."
"Uh, no. No, I think that was plenty."
Naruto cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward. Sasuke watched him with amusement.
"Ok. Well, this was.. informative.." he finally said, cutting through the uncomfortable silence. "So, yeah. Well, I'll umm.. think about this later. But I think I'll go to bed now."
"I'll join you."
Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Shut up, Teme."
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