Author's Note:

This takes place after the coma week but before Hedy's birthday, so no one knows Hedy and Mike have started dating and BB's voice isn't fixed yet. Other than that, enjoy! There will be more plot advancement in the next chapter, but I wanted to put this one up since my laptop might go in for repairs this week.

*Important! Please read note!*

One-Shot 10

99 Knives in the Corpse on the Wall

"I'm going to do a thing," Ruby announced as she walked into the building dragging a suspiciously large bag behind her.

No one liked hearing those words.

"What would that be?" Jeremy asked casually while Mike watched in confusion.

Foxy and Bonnie were already sprinting out the room, they recognised that gleam in her eyes. Mangle considered following but she was too curious.

Ruby grinned over her shoulder when she got to the kitchen door. "How much alcohol must I pour down the pipes to get the building drunk?"

Then she locked the door behind her.

Hedy looked up. "Wut?"

"Can she...do that?" Mike asked.

"No fucking clue..." Hedy said before just deciding to not worry about it.

"That wouldn't do anything right?" Freddy asked worriedly.

"Bottle one!" Ruby called and they heard glass breaking.

"My kitchen!" Chica moaned.

"Bottle two!"

"How much do you think she brought?" Teddy wondered.

"How did she get it?" Mike looked back at Jeremy.

"Plausible deniability," Jeremy deadpanned. "As far as I know, that's fruit juice.

"Bottle three!"

Hedy coughed a little and smacked her lips as if she tasted something weird. She took off her glasses and rubbed her temples.

"Hedy?" Spring asked, trying to ignore the shouting.

"Sorry, just a little dizzy suddenly." She blinked and suddenly hiccuped, slapping a hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Is uh...is anyone else feeling a little nauseous?"

Jeremy suddenly gripped his chair as the floor tilted a little. "Shit."

"Bottle fou-whoah!" Ruby yelped when everything tilted the other way.

There was silence for a long moment as they all looked at each other with wide eyes.

"The building has a really low tolerance huh?" Ruby mused from the kitchen. "Ah well. Bottle five!"

"I feel kinda weird," Goldy mused.

"Bottle six!"

Goldy hiccuped.

Puppet looked at Goldy in shock as he caught a table to steady himself. That wasn't a noise he had ever heard from an animatronic, even Goldy.

She looked fairly confused too.

Hedy grabbed the side of her chair, going a little farther and slipping out a bit. She tried to readjust her balance and over compensated.

She needed good balance to stay upright in her chair. The wheels slipped out from under her.

"Hedy?!" Spring jumped up to try catching her as she fell backwards.

Hedy lay on the ground after her landing. One leg up in the air from her overturned chair. She wheezed out a peel of giggles as Mangle unsteadily darted over in worry.

"Bottle seven!"

The building rumbled in an unfamiliar way.

"Did... the building just... burp?" Mike asked.

"Eight!"

The ground wobbled under their feet.

"Ruby! Stop!" Jeremy yelled.

There was a pause. "I wanna get to ten."

Goldy had joined Hedy in giggles. She had turned upside down, bobbing through the air like a balloon.

"Oh f-fuck," Hedy slurred. "I think I'm drunk...G-goldy you're drunk tooo!" Hedy had tears in her eyes. "Oh shit...a-all the ghosts are durnk..."

"Nine!" Ruby yelled.

"Ruby! Everyone is getting drunk!" Jeremy yelled as the building tilted again, sending Hedy sliding.

"I'm jealous!" Ruby yelled back. "I'm stone-cold sober. Number ten!"

"THERE'S TABLES ON THE CEILING!" Mike yelped.

"Success!" Ruby yelled. "The stove, IS FLOATING!"

Mangle and Spring, with Mike's help, managed to get Hedy up and out of the way of any traveling tables.

Freddy slipped and fell on his butt as he lost his balance. "RUBY!"

It looked like a scene out of Inception as the entire place upended.

Mike found himself scrambling for purchase as he sat on the wall with the doors swinging above and the floor as the new wall. What the hell did this look like from outside?!

Mangle was on all fours resembling a frantic wet cat as she scrabbled to stay upright and hold onto Hedy at the same time. She lost her footing and had to let go to avoid scratching Hedy.

Spring was desperately balancing on the edge of the door frown, his legs hanging out of the room.

"I'm fine..." Hedy slurred. "Elch. I never get this drunk. Shhhit I might black out...Ruby imma gon..."She moaned. "I think I'm gonna kill her...whe...when I can actually see straight. Shit where are my glasthes"

"Oh, you're plastered," Mike said with a grimace.

Goldy lightly crashed into the wall above Jeremy. She snickered. "Is this drunk? Drunku. Drunky drunk. I feel like I'm flying!"

"You are flying!" Puppet yelled at her.

"Ooh. Oh. Fun."

Hedy cracked up.

Goldy lazily floated down and bopped her on the nose and then Mike. "Aw, where's the squeaky nose...? Freddy! Where aaaare you Freddy!?"

"Goldy, get a hold of yourself!" Freddy said, sighing when Goldy hugged herself with a chirpy but oddly sad "okay, holding myself."

Hedy snickered. She booped Mike on the nose after Goldy, not seeming to care he was struggling to keep an arm looped under her armpit to keep her from sliding down the 45 angle incline of the wall.

"I think you're cute, Mike," Hedy giggled, flushing even more red if that was possible. She suddenly seemed horrified and slapped a hand over her mouth, but collapsed into giggles.

Mike rolled his eyes. "Uh. Thanks?"

Jeremy did not look happy to learn Hedy got flirty when she was very drunk. That didn't seem safe. And she must be completely out of it if she was flirting with Mike, of all people.

Not like she had many other options at the moment...

Hedy started wiggling.

"Hedy! What are you-!" Mike panicked.

Hedy slipped out of her sweater and slid across the floor cheering at a heart attack inducing speed. She screamed like it was a fair ride.

The building sensed she was going a little fast and abruptly tilted backward, throwing a few of them a few feet as it over-corrected and turned the entire floor into a giant seesaw.

"AH!" Foxy shouted as he was catapulted into the room from the hallway he and Bonnie had tried to escape to. The situation wasn't much better outside of that particular room. Bonnie flew past Foxy and crashed into a wall with an oof.

Hedy slid into Bonnie and as the floor evened out she draped across his knees like a limp rag doll, giggling uncontrollably.

"That was fun."

"Ruby! You broke the mechanic!" the rabbit shouted.

"She aint' break fucking nothin," Hedy rambled. "I break my car once. Papa said a potatoe in the engine. I saw no potatoe. Just a kitty at try'n ta stay warm. Or m'bee it was a snekky boi."

Spring gasped in panic. "Where's Kitty?!" He looked around, hoping she wasn't hurt by all the sliding tables and bots.

"REO-ooow!" a tiny yowl answered from Puppet's box, which was somehow closed, stuck to the ground where it sat, and on the ceiling where the floor and ceiling switched places.

"That furball is fine!" Puppet shouted from where he was wrapped around the curtain for Pirate's Cove, hugging it like a lifeline seconds before a sea of ballpit balls flooded through the opening like a colorful waterfall "drenching" Puppet.

Hedy giggled as Bonnie tried to get her off him without letting her out of reach. He tripped, falling on his face and shouted as Goldy decided she didn't want to float anymore and sat down on his back.

"Goldy! Aw geez, Hedy not you too?!"

Sure enough, Hedy climbed over Bonnie, but she seemed more interested in hanging out with Goldy.

"Mikey! Dogpile on Bonnie!"

"I'm going to pass, uh...doll" Mike called frantically, scrambling to come up with some nickname that wouldn't make drunk-Hedy think he was snapping at her. They didn't need Hedy to start crying in the middle of this.

"Seriously, can you two get off!?" Bonnie begged, but Hedy was too busy tugging Goldy's arm and pointing at the pile of balls and the few that dropped out of Pirate's Cove to hit Puppet in the face.

"Ruby made the building nauseous," Hedy snickered conspirately.

Bonnie's eyes widened. "Goldy! Get off!"

Hedy was suddenly looking a little ill as the sensation caught up to her.

Goldy didn't look as happy as a moment before either.

When the floor tilted again, all the doors banged open as the building burped, rumbling loudly. Ruby came sliding out of the kitchen, shrieking in delight the whole way.

"This is awesome!" she yelled as she went past them.

"This is madness!" Puppet yelled back.

"This is going to make me sick," Mike mumbled as the floor tilted the other way again.

"Weaklings!" Ruby accused as she went sliding back.

Timmy appeared in her path, swaying on his feet, and she slammed into him sending them both tumbling.

"Ruuuuuby," he whined. "I don't feel so good..."

Ruby shot upright when the floor settled. "Oh shit! I fed alcohol to kids!"

All the bots instinctively looked horrified except Goldy who distractedly whined "Bad Ruby..."

Timmy sat up. "I feeell kinda funny." He hiccuped. "Am I s-sick?"

"Ssssss illegal," Hedy babbled. "Hello Hello Timmy!"

There were a few other voices floating around.

"Imma balloon," Cheryl said decidedly. They looked up to see her sitting cross legged upside down on the ceiling.

They heard Felix break down in wheezing giggles making him sound like a tea kettle.

For once it was hard to be very mad at Fredrick and the others for showing up.

Ruby stared for a moment. "It's fine. They're technically at least Hedy's age. Its fine," she muttered, catching Timmy when he swayed again. She was trying very hard to justify this to herself.

"What's going on?" He asked in confusion. He looked at Hedy and tilted his head adorably. "I'm not Hedy's age. I'm like Jeremy's age..."

"Ooold!" Ginny crowed.

"Uh huh."

Jeremy looked a bit miffed.

"That is pretty old," Ruby agreed absently. "Wait, did everyone get drunk but me?!" she sounded annoyed now.

The building tilted and she slid across the floor with Timmy in her lap, muttering about being cursed with a high alcohol tolerance.

Bonnie shouted as he slid too, unable to grab anything with Goldy and Hedy sitting on top of him.

"I'm so so drunk I'm probably not going to remember this," Hedy said. "Buuuut hic I think I'm gonna be mmmad."

"This is sooo weird," Goldy very loudly whispered while hugging Hedy. "Humans are fun."

"It's not good to get this drunk," Jeremy tried to admonish. But it came out like a shout.

"Unless you responsibly know how you act, aren't an angry drunk, and are with people you trust," Mike felt the need to add distractedly. He shut his mouth when Jeremy shot him a look.

Hedy giggled.

"It's not fair!" Ruby complained. "Why can't I get drunk?"

"You're underage?" Mike pointed out and then backed up quickly when she sent him a withering glare.

Unfortunately the building tipped at the same time and he fell backwards.

"I wanna be drunk," Ruby muttered petulantly as she almost crashed into Toby. "Wait," she narrowed her eyes. "Does that mean-"

"What the fuck's going-hic-on?!"

"Oh you fucker! That's not fair!" Ruby glared at Michael murderously.

Michael seemed irritated, which was pretty normal. What wasn't normal was the spacey confused look on top of that pissy attitude. The ghost was gripping a door frame, looking at the room like he didn't know if he was really seeing things.

"Am I f-fucking drunk or high and h-hic which one of you bastards did some fuckery? Ruby. Of course it was that fucking cu-hic. You bitchy whor-WHOA!" He crashed through a table as the building only slightly tilted again.

"It didn't occur to me that Michael's language could be stronger," Puppet spat from his perch.

Ruby growled, a frustrated sound. "How come he can get drunk but I can't!?"

She might have been whining a bit. Just a little.

"Why are you so stuck on getting drunk? It kind of sucks," Mike pointed out.

"Because it's something I can't do, therefore I want to."

"That makes no sense."

"No sense!" Hedy sang.

"Oh shut the fuck up," Michael slurred.

"Bite me!"

"Go fuck yourself."

"You got mommy and daddy issues, Mr. Mickey," Hedy snickered.

Goldy cracked up at the nickname that gave some of them pause. Had Goldy told Hedy about that?

"At least I had a mom bitch!" Michael retorted, rubbing his eyes and stumbling.

"I want my mom," Benji mumbled.

"I tasstth rum," Hedy smacked her lips, completely bypassing the mom subject like she didn't hear it. "RUBeee! Was that rum! It's nasty! OH eww vodka? Whyy? I have school tomorrow!"

Michael nearly punched himself in the mouth. "Taste? I can taste?"

"Blech. BLECH!" Felix said, flicking into view and rubbing his tongue with his shirt. "Ew! Get it out!"

"Aw the first thing we taste in a looooooooong long long long long long-" Cheryl took a large unnecessary breath. "LOOOONG time and it's groosss."

Ruby cocked her head and watched them.

"At least they're not tasting the tequila..."

"How did you get all this alcohol?!" Mike asked again.

"I have my ways," she said mysteriously as she and Timmy slid back across the floor.

Mike envied her balance.

"I have school tomorrow..." Hedy moaned again. "Ruby, why did you put so much..." Damn what was the word. "Stuff in."

"Nerd," Michael lamely shot back as a table slid through him and dragged him a few feet. He was looking a little sick and making faces as the taste didn't leave. "I taste tequila. This is some bullshit." He groaned and went to his knees. He punched the floor in frustration. "First drink in years, and I can't even enjoy the shit myself. "

Jeremy frowned, glancing over all the ghosts and Hedy, from where he could see. "It really affected them very fast," he pointed out, shooting Ruby a look. "You better hope Hedy doesn't actually get poisoned from that amount."

"Oh that'd be a hoot."

"Shut up, Michael. You're obnoxious enough sober."

"Go fuck yourself."

Ruby squinted at Hedy. "I wonder if the effects will disappear when she leaves the building?" She mused. "Other ghosty effects stop when she leaves. Will she even have a hangover?" She thought some more for a moment. "Will the building have a hangover?"

"YeP," Hedy chirped, popping the 'p'. "Hangoooover. A-and the toilets and drains are gonna back up. Ita like nausea." She didn't seem to know how she knew that. She cheered. "Manager's gonna be mad! Building having fun though."

Goldy nodded, snickering.

"That's hilarious," Ruby smirked, sliding back across the floor. Mike completely lost his balance and fell.

"How does she do that?" He whined, gesturing at the teen.

"We don't question that anymore," Jeremy muttered, holding onto the doorframe.

Ruby just grinned smugly at them, sliding the other way.

Goldy squeaked out more giggles. "Hedy's going to be mad, Ruby!"

Mike snorted before some humming distracted him. He looked over where Michael had given up and was laying face down on the floor. Was he singing? Was he singing 99 Bottles?

"99 knives in the corpse on the wall. 99 knives in the corpse..."

"Sicko..." Mike deadpanned. He frowned in confusion. Was that an accent?

"Take one down, pass'er around." Sure enough, Michael was singing with a very noticeable English accent. "98 knives in the corpse on the wall."

Ruby pulled out a glitter bomb, waited a moment for the floor to tilt the other way, and then threw it at the ghost.

"Oh I know," she told Goldy. She looked around at the chaos. "But so worth it."

"FUCK!" The glitter bomb landed right on Michael's face.

"I can get drunk..." Goldy mused now that the giggle fits had died down. "I'm the only bot who can get drunk...So weird. Puppet, are you jealous?"

"No." Puppet's answer was terse and immediate. "I prefer to retain control of all my faculties, thank you very much."

"...I'm kinda jealous," Mangle muttered.

"I know, it's not fair," Ruby sighed as she slid past the fox.

BB waved his hands to catch their attention, Mangle translating. "Maybe Hedy can make a program that simulates us getting drunk."

"NO!" Teddy shouted.

"Uhhhh...at least Goldy's having fun," Spring admitted.

"Terrible idea," Chica admonished.

Puppet scoffed. "I highly doubt Hedy can do such a thing, anyway."

Hedy snickered.

"...that's an ominous response," Puppet said.

"Shhh it's a secret," Hedy said. She snorted out a giggle. "I caaaan. I figured out a funny funny program for that aaaaagggges ago!"

Freddy's eyes widened in horror and he frantically looked at Ruby. "Shut her up, Bonnie!"

"I couldn't figure out how to hangle taste tho. Probably nasty. Like straight alcoh...al-coh-hol. Alcohol? Whatever. I couldn't figure out how to make you taste. It's just motors and and logic processes a sensor adjustments and blah blah blah."

Ruby's eyes glazed over.

"Foxy could be a drunk pirate..."

Foxy stayed very quiet and Freddy snapped his head around to glare at him when he didn't immediately shut that train of thought down.

"FOXY!"

"What?"

"78 knives in the corpse on the wall..." Michael mumbled into the floor.

There were several laughs in the air this time. A couple of the kids flickered, apparently not having the concentration to stick around properly.

Ruby threw another glitter bomb at Michael.

Foxy shrugged at Freddy. "Jack Sparrow," was all he said.

"Where's the rum?!" Ruby immediately yelled.

"I got a jar of dirt!" Hedy sang.

"I knew you liked those movies!" Ruby yelled in glee.

"Yeah, there's a lot of stuff I pretend to not like to piss you off," Hedy said lightly.

Michael was up and trying to walk across the room, probably to try escaping. He suddenly stumbled from a weight. He looked down in shock to see Timmy wrapped around his leg.

"Hiiiii, Michael," Timmy said happily, hugging him tighter and looking up with big eyes. "Can I get a piggyback ride?"

Ruby looked like she seriously wanted to grab Timmy away from Michael. She stared menacingly at him while she slid in the other direction.

How did she maintain her balance?!

"Fuck..." Michael murmured pathetically, frozen as he stared down at Timmy, not having a clue what to do and not able to think straight enough to decide. He'd kick his little brother off usually, right?

"Pleeeeease?" Timmy begged.

Goldy was staring now too, looking none too happy, but she didn't say anything.

Everyone stared in shock as Michael shakily bent down to pull the boy up.

Timmy snickered as Michael hesitantly shifted the boy on his back, securing Timmy's legs around his middle. Michael still looked very unsteady on his feet.

If looks could kill, Michael would be in the ninth circle of hell about now with the way Ruby was glaring.

"Forward!" Timmy said.

"I ain't fucking moving unless you want to kiss the floor," Michael snapped, freeing a hand to rub his eyes with a groan.

"Is this blackmail worthy?" Mangle murmured as she stared.

"I don't think we want to risk pushing the lass any further," Foxy muttered, eyeing Ruby.

"Michael, put Timmy down," Goldy snapped. There was still a slur in her voice but besides that she seemed to have a sudden clarity.

Michael scoffed.

"He's not gonna do anything bad," Timmy said sleepily, wrapping his arms around Michael's neck.

"Yeah, whatama going to do? Kill 'im again?" Michael spat distractedly, weirdly not thinking of all the possibilities. Did he just admit to...

He had never mentioned even a shred of responsibility. If he brought it up at all, it was always Goldy he blamed for Timmy's death.

Michael was very very drunk.

Ruby surged forward in a smooth movement despite the rocking floor but Foxy managed to grab her. It went against everything in them and her to let this happen but they didn't want Timmy hurt.

Michael sneered with a hateful lopsided smile at Ruby. "Cool your tits you slaggy minger. I'll put 'im down when he falls asleep."

"We can't sleep, dummy," Timmy said endearingly.

"Oh..."

"Who you calling a slaggy minger?" Hedy snapped.

"Wouldn't be surprised if the two of you were both floozies," Michael said mockingly.

"Well, I can be," Hedy snapped, shooting Chica a slow wink that confused the hell out of everyone sober. "But you don't get to be a gross creep to Ruby. That's nasty to comment on a teenager's love life."

"Why the hell are you trying to lecture -hic- me like either of us give a fuck, Wiggy?"

"Cuz I can't beat a lesson in that brainless mass of ectoplasm you call a brain. So annoying you with my voice will have to do until I'm sober."

"Did...," Freddy said while Foxy shuddered and growled at Michael. "Did Hedy just...flirt with Chica?" He looked like he genuinely wasn't sure.

"Jealous?" Hedy asked serenely.

"I don't have time for a love life," Ruby scoffed. "Also, I understood none of the words you two used. You're both so old."

"Hey!" Jeremy complained from where he was holding onto the door frame.

"You're not old Jeremy. You're ancient," she assured him sincerely.

"This is the weirdest night of my life," Bonnie muttered.

Ruby gave him a sly smirk. "Worse than that night?"

All the Originals shuddered.

"I take it back," Bonnie mumbled.

"We swore to never speak of it again!" Chica yelled, looking traumatised.

Hedy pouted at being called old, having lost her drunken interest in harassing a horrified Freddy.

"Hedy! Behave!" Jeremy barked.

Hedy's cackling response was not reassuring.

Mike shook his head and groaned, but he did squint at the Originals and Ruby in curiosity. He wanted to ask about "that" night but his attention was being pulled half a dozen different ways. He had to not fall, watch Hedy, watch Michael, keep an eye out for sliding debris, to name a few.

"This is a very strange night," Ruby mused as she slid past Mike. "It's awesome. Except for Michael. I could do without him."

"Ditto Bitch," Michael spat.

Timmy lightly slapped his cheek. "No swearing."

"Shut up...Tim," Michael muttered, but there wasn't a lot of bite against his brother. "I'm only holding you because I'm fucking shitfaced and have no idea what the helll I'm doing. Wait till I have a hangover. Then you're really gonna hate what a bastard I can be."

"Stop talking," Timmy murmured.

"I think it's impossible for you to be anymore of a bastard," Ruby told him sincerely as she slid the other way past Hedy again.

Michael flipped her off and almost fell over right then, struggling to compensate for the tilting and the top-heaviness of carrying TImmy.

"GAH! All right, get off."

"No," Timmy said sleepily, even though he couldn't sleep.

The other ghost children had dropped out of any understanding of what was going on a while ago and were "passed-out" as a pile of buzzing energy on the ceiling. They were still conscious but just sitting there giggling or looking sleepy, squealing every so often as they slid around too.

"Why everyone upside down?" Felix asked.

Ruby looked around while Goldy looked about to grab Timmy.

"I'd say today was a success," she nodded her head decisively.

Hedy whooped drowsily before promptly passing out.

"Oh, thank goodness," Chica sighed.

Ruby laughed and she was still laughing when Hedy woke up with the worst hangover believable.

She was perfectly fine when she left the building though.

The ghosts were fairly jealous of that.

Ruby just pouted about it not being fair that she couldn't experience it.

Hedy was so pissed she kept lecturing Ruby for three days after. As for the ghosts? She didn't express any sympathy except for Timmy.

Ruby only had one response to the lectures.

"Worth it."

Disclaimer: Please drink responsibly. This was not responsible and making others drunk in any other situation is no bueno. To Ruby's credit, she didn't know this would happen to everyone. (She certainly hoped for something fun though.)