Chapter 2

Killian awakens the next morning with a damp and uncomfortable sensation between his legs. He quickly realizes he's wearing a diaper and that his bladder must have emptied throughout the night. He adjusts a little, attempting to find a more comfortable posture and push the tiredness from his mind. Suddenly, one of his legs start spasming, accidentally landing on Emma's knee. She stirs and pulls closer to him, but she doesn't appear to be awake. Killian understands it's time to get out of bed and clean himself off in the bathroom, as well as take his medications, particularly those for his spasms if he doesn't want things to become worse.

He raises his head and looks around for his wheelchair, only to find it's at the other end of the room.

He has no method of getting to it, let alone the bathroom. Where is Nathan when he needs him?

He despises waking Emma up with his troubles, despite the fact that she has repeatedly said that she does not mind. So he moves closer to her, puts a kiss on the top of her head, and her eyes open as though she senses his distress.

"Hey, good morning," she greets sleepily, returning the kiss to his cheek. "Let me call Nathan in if he arrived to help you with your morning routine," she says quietly, and he nods relievedly.

Emma goes in search of his nurse after she brings his wheelchair to the side of the bed so he can slip himself in, but she arrives back in the bedroom five minutes later with a frown on her face. "Nathan called, he won't be able to make it this morning, he has an elderly patient who needs his prompt attention. But he promised he can assist you this afternoon and night."

Killian swallows because this can only mean two things, and he doesn't know which one is worst-case scenario. Either he stays in his soiled state for as long as Nathan finally arrives and risks getting rashes and infection, or Emma helps him clean up and into a fresh diaper.

Which is the most mortifying option and he dreads to ask.

Luckily, Emma decides for him, and probably his thoughts reflect on his face.

"Look, Killian, I know you hate that I'm part of your care, but you got to stop trying to shield me from the more difficult aspects of your life."

He can't glance up to meet her gaze. "Swan…" he pauses to take a slightly shuttering breath. "This is asking too much."

"You're not asking," she gasps out before gingerly slipping into his lap. She brushes her fingers under his chin and his eyes lift slowly to meet hers. "Killian, I really want to do this." At that, his eyes rolled dramatically, making her giggle slightly. "I'm serious," she adds, taking his hand in hers. "I've been over it with Nathan more than once and have probably read that binder of yours front to back nearly twenty times. I can do this. I want to do it," At her pause, his glance flickers down to where her finger was tracing his knuckles, then back up again. "Just as long as you're okay with it."

"Not in the least," he mutters, then immediately softens. "But if you're not comfortable with carrying it out, for any reason, Swan-"

"I am. And thank you."

Her interruption catches him by surprise. "For what?" he quips, though his tone is laden with indignation. "You're the one who will be elbow deep, no pun intended. in medical gloves and rectal suppositories."

"Stop it," she warns, choosing to ignore his obvious embarrassment and frustration for the moment, Instead, her expression relaxes and she holds his gaze. "Thank you for trusting me." Again, a look of bewilderment crosses his face, and she leans in to place a kiss to his lips. "Thank you for trusting me enough and allowing me to care for you completely. I know it can't be easy for you, but I-"

"Oh, Swan," he sighs, then proceeds to try to swallow down the large lump that seems lodged in his throat. "You are-"

"I know," she teases, though in the most sincerest of ways. He cracks a small smile and she slips from his lap.

She assists him in the restroom by removing his dirty diaper, which includes not just urine but also a little mucus, most likely the consequence of his unsuccessful bowel program effort last night. She uses at least 5 wipes to clean him, then it's time for his bowel program.

"Are you sure about this?" he asks, just as she begins gathering the things necessary for the routine.

She smiles reassuringly at him and nods. "Of course I am. I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't." He is having second thoughts about this arrangement, but he also knows she isn't about to back down after finally getting to this point. "I get that life can get unpleasant at times, but that's true with any relationship. I love our life, and I love you." His small, forced smile and slight nod is all the confirmation she needs to continue - and soon enough, he is settled in the specially adapted commode.

Following his nurse's directions to the letter, she keeps it clinical and professional, while still being gentle, loving, and attentive. If he weren't afraid that one day it will all be too much for her, he would prefer Emma's care over Nathan's. She makes it a point to show her love in every single one of her actions.

Once complete with the digital stimulation part, the only thing left to do is let nature, and the suppositories take their course. She thinks it best to give him some privacy. "I'll be back in a bit," she tells him and slips from the bathroom to dress for the day.

Killian is really hoping that he has bowel movement this morning, so he can avoid going to the doctor. But sadly, even after thirty minutes when she comes back, only mucus exit his hole. She wipes him clean and helps him into a fresh Abena m4.

"I'm sorry, babe. Looks like it's going to be a visit to Dr. Smith's office."

After she assists him back in his wheelchair, he rolls himself to the drawer and selects his day's clothes.

After brushing his teeth and rolling back into their bathroom, he notices her contacting someone on the phone as he finishes putting on his clothing.

"I texted Nathan, and he suggested I call the clinic," she informs him before someone on the other line picks up. "Hello. This is Emma Swan. I'd like to schedule an appointment for Killian Jones with Dr. Smith. Do you suppose he will be able to see us today?"

Killian immediately buries his face in his palms as he hears the name.

"That would be ideal, thank you," Emma replies as she hangs up the phone.

"I gather I have an appointment with Dr. Smith today. What time are we leaving?" His voice is dejected, but he knows he has no other choice. This must be done if he is not to deteriorate.

"This afternoon, 5 p.m., if that's okay with you," her green eyes are regretful, he knows she doesn't want to make a decision without his approval.

He sighs. "I suppose there's no use in postponing the inevitable."

"Hey," she says, kneeling beside his chair and holding his hand in hers. "It'll be over in no time. On the plus side, you'll feel a lot better afterward. Perhaps Dr. Smith will merely prescribe you a stronger laxative or another medication." She attempts to comfort him by giving him an optimistic smile he likes so much.

He is hoping she is correct.

"All right," he says, nodding.

"All right," she says as she lifts his hand and kisses his palm. "Let's grab some breakfast, and then we can watch that terrible movie you enjoy so much for some reason," she teases him, and he knows she's only trying to make him feel better.

"Gods of Egypt isn't bad," he pouts, but his lips quickly twist into a smile.

"Of course not, babe."

Killian's thoughts are entirely blacked out by what was waiting for him in the doctor's office later that day, so watching the movie was a smart choice. Fortunately, he only had to change his diaper once while they were watching, and it was simply urine this time. His bloating had returned, though, and he was gassy, forcing him to redden every now and then as some loud farts escaped his butthole during the movie.

Emma, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind; she just held his waist as they curled up on the couch, assuring him it was better to be out than in.

When the movie concluded, Nathan finally arrived and it was time for him to get dressed and leave for his appointment. Killian chose to stay in his sweatpants because he didn't want anyone to know he was wearing a diaper, and if he opted for jeans, it would have been surely visible.

Emma and Nathan help him in the van that had been modified to accommodate him and his wheelchair. They buckle him in and they are on their way.

When they arrive at the clinic, a nurse promptly hurries them into Dr. Smith's office. Killian remains in his wheelchair as Emma and Nathan stand beside him, waiting for the doctor.

Dr. Smith then enters a few moments later, wearing his distinctive white coat and a face mask that hangs from his ears. Killian's spine shivers instinctively, and not in a pleasant way.

"It's great to see you again, Mr. Jones. And you, Ms. Swan, and Mr. Scott, as well." Killian wishes he could reciprocate the praise as he welcomed them. "How do you feel today? It's not the time for your usual check-up. What appears to be the issue?"

Killian's face flushes, but Emma squeezes his palm gently while Nathan starts speaking before Killian can open his mouth.

"Killian's bowel programs generally go off without a hitch, but he's been experiencing problems recently. He hasn't been able to pass stool for six days; something is causing him constipation."

Killian stares down, his hand suddenly becoming quite interesting.

The doctor gives a nod. "Impaction is quite common among SCI sufferers; don't be embarrassed, Killian. But I have reservations about the problem's long-term viability," Dr. Smith looks at him before looking up at Nathan. "I assume you're the ones assisting him with his care?" Nathan gives a nod. " Could you tell me how you control his urine and bowel movements?"

"Yes, I'm his nurse. His bowel schedule is usually every morning, and he requires one or two suppositories to start him going. I also use digital stimulation to help his sphincter to relax and empty his rectum. His bladder must be catheterized three or four times a day. However, due to his constipation, he has been wearing diapers both day and night to avoid accidents."

Dr. Smith nods, thinking. He then casts a glimpse toward Killian. "Remember what I said about wearing diapers previously, Killian? I understand your concern about accidents, but they can cause more harm than good." Killian nods as he hears the doctor's admonishing voice.

"We always put baby powder on him to avoid rashes," Emma informs the doctor and Killian reddens.

Elijah nods, then his voice becomes solemn. "Right. Killian, I need to examine you and figure out what the problem is and how to remedy it." He claps his hands together and glances at Nathan. "I need you to assist Killian in putting on a gown and getting him on the exam table. In the meantime, I'll go get some supplies."

After Emma and Nathan help him into a gown and hoist him onto the exam table, the doctor returns to them. Various objects are placed on the counter beside the bed. "First and foremost, Mr. Scott, please help Killian lie on his left side." Dr. Smith snaps on medical gloves, the sound sending shivers down his spine just as his nurse is finishing adjusting his position and Emma takes his hand in hers reassuringly. He has half a mind to ask her to wait out all this outside, but he knows she won't listen to him.

"One week of impaction is cause for worrying. When was your most recent effort at a bowel program?" The doctor asks, as he stands behind him and undoes the back of his gown, displaying his adult diaper.

"I umm...this morning," he begins, and the doctor says nothing.

"And what was the outcome?" Dr. Smith inquires as he undoes the tapes on his diaper, prompting him to flush. Even more so when Dr. Smith tells him that his bladder has let loose in the interim.

"Just some mucus, like the previous days," Emma says in his place.

Dr. Smith acknowledges the words and clears his throat. "Are you also taking part in his care, then, Ms. Swan?"

"Yes, occasionally, when Nathan isn't available," she answers in a firm tone, squeezing Killian's hand gently.

"Hmm," was all the doctor's reaction. "Right. What I'm going to do first is check for stool in your rectum and loosen your sphincter for the following portion of the inspection," he says, and he shuts his eyes, preparing for the unpleasant sensation.

Dr. Smith removes the wet diaper from between his legs and he feels his hand parting his asscheeks. Emma interrupts the doctor just as he feels his finger touch his anus. Killian's eyes snap open.

"What are you doing? You haven't used any lubrication on your finger," Killian's eyes widen, and he breaks out in cold perspiration. Was it the doctor's intention to penetrate him without lubrication?

"Don't worry, Ms. Swan, he won't feel anything," the doctor says.

"Actually, he will. He's grade B on the ASIA scale, he has a sensation down there," Killian glances up at Nathan and Emma gratefully.

"If that's the case...give me one moment while I check Killian's chart," he tells them.

Killian hears paper crinkling behind him and Dr. Smith hums.

"Mr. Scott, you look to be correct. Mr. Scott may I ask you to put lidocaine jelly on my fingertips."

Killian hears the squishing sound of the lubricant being added to the gloved hand, and his only warning is Dr. Smith's "Here we go" as his fingers enter his anus with a determined move. Dr. Smith begins the torturous process of digital stimulation and he lets out a groan. The doctor's method is less gentle than Emma's or Nathan's, prompting him to grunt in discomfort several times throughout the procedure. Dr. Smith's fingers circle his anus for many minutes which seems interminable to him, then after a while, he feels dampness exit his rectum. He breathes with relief as the doctor takes his fingers out, but he also knows that no stool has come out.

Dr. Smith verifies this reality. "Only mucus this time as well, but your sphincter is quite tight. You also have some hemorrhoids both inside and outside."

Killian is already aware of this; he never appears to be able to get rid of them since he needs to have digital stimulation for his bowel programs, which is typically the cause of his hemorrhoids. It's a never-ending circle.

"He occasionally complains of sphincter spasms. Is that typical? Could that be the source of the tightness?" Emma asks, her tone somewhat apprehensive and he closes his eyes in embarrassment.

"That is correct, Ms. Swan. Killian, I will prescribe a stronger anti-spasm medication as well as hemorrhoid cream for you." Dr. Smith adds, and he begins to type on the computer. "Unfortunately, those are not answers to the real issue at hand. I was expecting that a lengthier digital stimulation technique might allow you to pass some stool. Killian, I'm afraid I'll have to do an enema."

Killian lowers his eyes in defeat as the doctor utters the dreaded words. Emma squeezes his hand and kisses his cheek. "It'll be over before you know it," she says quietly in his ear, and he shakes his head.

"Mr. Scott, please fetch me the enema kit from the cabinet," Dr. Smith instructs, then wipes Killian's anus with wet wipes to remove the residue of mucus.

Killian's muscles stiffen as he hears the doctor prepare his enema.

"I'm going to insert the liquid through a catheter tube, Killian, and then, with Mr. Scott's aid, we're going to place you on the commode over here to facilitate the passage of stool and enema liquid," Dr. Smith explains the procedure, which he is already familiar with.

The coolness of the lubricant on his anus is followed by the catheter tube sliding within his rectum with a swift move, causing him to let out a small grunt. Dr. Smith then allows the liquid to enter him, and all he can do is gaze at the tiled floor, inwardly dreading at the prospect of what is happening to him. He starts to feel a tightness in his gut, similar to when he's bloated, and he's not sure how much of this he can take. It feels like an eternity while the liquid is poured into him, and he is terrified of what will happen if they don't get him on the toilet in time. The tube is rapidly removed from his anus, and he barely has time to groan in discomfort as he is quickly lifted on the commode in front of the exam table.

Just as he is placed there, he can't hold it any longer. The sound of feces dropping into the container and raucous farts brings redness to his cheeks.

"Uh..." he groans as a bigger stool squeezes through his anus.

Emma is by his side now, gently massaging his shoulder as his bowels empty. She doesn't seem to mind the smell or sound of defecation, but he is still mortified.

When it seems to be over, Dr. Smith helps him bend forward a little to wipe him thoroughly clean and he thinks it's finally over.

Unfortunately, the doctor destroys his delusion.

"Mr. Scott, please assist Killian in getting back on the exam table," the doctor says as he approaches one of the cupboards.

Dr. Smith returns and hands something to Mr. Scott just as he finishes situating him on the table.

"Killian, I'm afraid your problem will not be that easily fixed. Even though your bowels appear to be empty now, you may experience constipation again the next day. We don't know what's causing it; it might be a lack of activity or something wrong with your diet, but until we know for sure, prevention is the best choice." Killian swallows, unable to predict what the doctor would say or do next.

Dr. Smith urges Nathan to assist him this time on his stomach and instructs him to spread his legs frog-like by his sides. Killian is mortified at being this exposed, and then the doctor begins talking again.

"I'm going to have you wear a bowel catheter for the next two weeks to help you pass stool even if you become constipated again. It's an uncomfortable solution, but it's effective; you need to wear the catheter both day and night." Killian becomes pale as Dr. Smith speaks.

Please, God, don't force him to wear a catheter up there.

"Isn't there another alternative, Dr. Smith?" His voice is weak.

"Killian, I'm afraid not. I'm also going to recommend a condom catheter for your bladder movement for this time period. It will be simpler to manage the two simultaneously," Killian's eyes widen as Dr. Smith explains.

"Do you engage in sexual activity?" Killian flushes as the doctor inquires.

"Not in the previous week, but typically," Emma responds for him.

Dr. Smith hums. "Killian requires the two catheters inserted all day, therefore I'm afraid that won't be doable for the next two weeks. I only recommend taking them out while showering or bathing."

Killian hears the doctor preparing something, most likely the catheters, and he wants to run away and never come back. Why is this happening to him?

"First, I'm going to insert the rectal catheter, and I'd want to ask you, Mr. Scott and Ms. Swan, to kindly study the method since you'll be doing it for him." Emma squeezes his hand and approaches Dr. Smith. Killian feels hos face redden and wishes the ground will swallow him whole.

He hears the lubricant squirting and feels the tip of the tube on his hole.

"This catheter is significantly larger than normal since it must transfer the amount of feces that have accumulated in your bowels. It will be uncomfortable, but I believe you will become accustomed to it in time." Killian is skeptical of his comments and hopes the doctor could go through all of this before speaking.

"All right, here we go," the doctor adds, inserting the catheter into his rectum. Killian quickly realizes that the catheter is not only bigger but also longer, as he feels his back stiffen as the doctor continues to push the tube into his rectum. He finally stops pushing the tube which causes him major discomfort due to his hemorrhoids, causing him to grunt. To say he's uncomfortable is an understatement; he can't really move since every movement causes him agony because the catheter is so deep up within him.

Dr. Smith manipulates the catheter in such a way that he groans again. He knows he's speaking to Emma and Nathan when he says, "I attached a collection bag at the end. It is imperative that the catheter is at the end of his rectum, you will know how far you have to insert it, as it is marked on the tube," Dr. Smith explains.

"Can't it come out a little?" Emma inquires, and Killian loves her for it.

"Unfortunately, the catheter must come into contact with his intestines."

Killian wants to shout and weep because he can't handle this for another two weeks.

"Now, Mr. Scott, please assist him in moving onto his back so I may insert his bladder catheter."

Killian attempts to object when they turn him over because the movement to his back is causing him pain where his rectal catheter is. "Uh...Ah" he grunts.

Elijah works quickly on the condom catheter as he inserts the tube up his half-erect penis (due to the rectal catheter pushing on his prostate) and pulls up a condom-like rind around his manhood to keep the catheter in place, which is another unpleasant feeling he won't be able to get rid of for the next two weeks.

Killian lies there with two catheters in him, unable to move for fear of aggravating the agony he already feels, as the doctor finishes and removes the medical gloves.

"Killian, because you have a rectal catheter, you won't be able to utilize your usual wheelchair. You will use a different one for the following two weeks, with a commode-like hole where the seat is. On the bright side, because the chair is electric, you don't have to use your arms to wheel it."

Killian is at a loss for words as he notices someone rolling a wheelchair into the room. Killian grunts as Nathan help him into his shirt, raising his body slightly. Emma's loving and supportive stare catches his attention, and she rests her palm on his face.

"Mr. Scott, please assist me in getting Killian into his new chair," Dr. Smith asks as the two men struggle to raise him.

He groans when they lift him, his catheters dangling in the air before they seat him half-nude in his new chair. Nathan and Dr. Smith arrange his legs in their appropriate positions in the leg holder. The doctor adjusts his legs so they're more spread and somewhat elevated, and he reclines the backrest of the chair slightly, which feels a little better with his head lying on the headrest. Killian swallows as he sits in the bulky and big wheelchair, which he knows is usually used by quadriplegic people. He suffers down there, he can't really move as his back is ramrod straight because of his rectal catheter and for fear of aggravating the pain, and he actually feels like an invalid. Emma wraps a blanket over his waist and legs to keep him decent and warm because he can't wear underwear or trousers.

"Killian, I handed Emma the medications and scheduled an appointment for you in two weeks. I'll put together a box of supplies for you, including rectal catheters, collection bags, and indwelling catheters. Emma also informed me you're running low on suppositories and laxatives. You'll use this chair for the time being, and being reclined will help relieve some of your discomforts. Please contact me if you have any questions along this process."

Killian nods slightly and notices that his body is trembling slightly. He has no idea if Emma notices it or not as she thanks the doctor and walks beside him with his hand in her palm, as Nathan pushes him out of the doctor's office.