Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon mixed with the books, but this is an alternate take of it.

Warning : Blood, anxiety, depression, sickness. Emotional and physical whump. Love scene. Soft content nothing graphic

Notes : Still some flashbacks. Still quite straightforward. Sorry for the delay. Too much is happening right now, IRL.

Chapter 8 : Consequences

###

Geralt was cutting some wood for the winter to come. Far in the northern mountains this season was very cold and he was making sure they wouldn't lack. The house was a very old witcher hiding place. It was not perfect but it will do until they find a better place. Maybe they would try to find something further East, outside any human realm, or maybe they would adjust to civilisation and find their place, anonymously, somewhere. Redania maybe. His heart twisted.

He didn't like Redania very much, especially after everything that happened with Dijkstra, but this was where the last member of their family was. Or at least this was where he believed he would be. Jskier had always like Redania for some reasons. Some tears came to his eyes when he remembered the last time they saw each other and how it went.

A soft sound came from behind. He recognised Yennefer's walk. He turned around and smiled to her as she approached. She was bringing him something to drink. He took the goblet, in silence, and in a common motion, they sat in front of each other on some tree trunk lying on the ground.

- "I can hear you thinking Geralt."

- "This is not polite to spy." He joked dryly.

- "I am not. I don't need too." She smiled.

He looked down at her gloved hands. Vilgefortz had done some terrible things to her and she was ashamed to let others see the marks on her skin she couldn't make disappear. Even him. He turned his head toward the house.

- "She has caught a fish and she is preparing it." Added the sorceress, answering his silent question about Ciri.

Their daughter had been through hell too. He sighed. Everyone had been hurt so badly during the last few months. He was almost too late for her and Yennefer. And he was far too late for Jaskier in the end.

- "Jaskier has forgiven you already, Geralt." Again she knew.

- "Are you sure you don't read my mind, right now." He scoffed.

- "You think you're hiding your feelings, but to me you are an open book to read." She smiled. He smiled back. "He is like us. He need time to heal. Give him this time. He has to do it his own way."

- "Sure..."

- "You don't believe me ?"

- "I don't believe he has forgiven me. Not this time." He took a sip of water. "Ciri didn't and she misses him a lot."

- "We all miss him. Stop excluding yourself from the equation."

Geralt sighed. He didn't want to say it out loud, but she was right. He missed him too. Which, a few decades back, he would have never imagined. But this was real. The bard had been the light of his life for so many years, and he killed it. He looked down. This time he couldn't stop the tears. He heard the soft movement of Yennefer coming his way. She enlaced him.

- "I killed whatever was making him who he was." He said, sobbing in her arms. "I was angry in the end when he tried to be honest. I had my reasons too. And yet I still don't understand what I did wrong." He put his arms around her waist. "Ciri and you do. I know it. But..."

- "Let it go, Geralt. Let him do what he needs."

- "What if he kills himself ?" She sighed and break the hug to kneel in front of him.

- "No matter what he knows that you gave him another chance to live. This was done in pain and against his will, that is true, but I never met a man so kin to make the best of the worst. He will find his way. Trust him."

###

Radovid woke up to the first lights of the day. The golden rays of light were piercing through the not very well closed curtains, in a very peaceful way. He looked to his side and he saw was the curled up form of the bard near him, half in and out of the covers. Seeing him was making him happy.

It had been a dream come true since he came to the castle. Well, almost, if he had to be fair. It was a tricky situation, as he was literally having an extra conjugal affair and they had to hid, more for the rest of the world than Elois herself who was well aware of it and with whom he had talked about the situation quite openly after their reunion. They had to be discreet in front of everyone else. Still they could see each other quite often and could live their romance to a certain extend. There was a fun part with all that, playing the game of hide and seek to find places no-one would notice them spending way too much time together or simply having some intimate moments.

When he was in the castle, Jaskier was passing the days, mostly in the garden and the library. Those were the places he felt the most safe, he explained to him. He didn't feel very well in the rest of the castle, even in his room. Radovid suspected something linked to his childhood, for the little he had seen in his dreams, but unless the bard was willing to talk about it there was nothing he could do. He was not closed on every subjects, though. Far from it. Just some very key moments, like his childhood and everything that happened after their link was severed.

It meant that they could talk about the whole experience they had in their dreams. And Radovid found that fascinating. Jaskier didn't remember things as good as him but he knew something very powerful had happened and that somehow he had to come back to him. For him, the Red Rose was a construct of his mind from his childhood that passed onto his adulthood, like a safe place inside his head to hide when he was emotionally raw. But he told him that he believed his version of the events because he already had a contact once with a shape shifting creature capable of space and time manipulation. He also had a disturbing proof that dreams had somehow merged with reality at some point. The druid that healed him had given him some red rose petals she had found near her bed in a place where no roses grew.

And overall, his poet side was psyched about the story itself. Two lovers separated, linked across the Continent by their dreams. That simple idea was exciting the bard a lot, creatively and in many other ways that he had the pleasure to discover.

Radovid looked up and sighed. He would have soon to leave, as he was expected to be by the queen sides in the morning. They were in the bard's room. The one he had specially chosen for him amongst the guest rooms. This one had a secret passage that was connected by some complex hidden corridors to his. This was not a direct link as for some other places but he could still reach him. Elois was kindly covering his absence during those nights they shared. Radovid tried not to push his luck though, so they usually found some other places and moments to share intimacy. But a full night and a nice bed were always appealing. And this night was incredible.

Jaskier woke up when a ray of light finally found his face. Like every wake up Radovid witnessed so far, his lover was in pain and sad, so he came closer to make him feel he was not alone, in a more significant way. The bard smiled to him and slowly sat up on the bed, a hand on his belly.

- "Those are still sensitive ? The wounds haven't heal correctly ?" He asked, knowing that the bard didn't like to speak much about it, without being completely obtuse on the subject. To his surprise, this time, he had a quite developed answer.

- "Yes and no. Regis had patched me up the best he could. I think you remembered how it was... " Radovid nodded. "The druid that healed me after that had to do some tricks to help my dying self to recover. Those tricks ended up my skin scarring badly with muscles, nerves and sometimes tissues from my damaged organs underneath. Everything is connected in those mangled monstrosities. Moving, especially after some inactivity, is painful."

- "Is there something that can be done ? It seems like there is no progress leaving it on itself..."

- "I was told that maybe some mages could try to heal me better, to restore some of layers of flesh and maybe free my nerves that send stabbing pain. But I found no mages in the few cities on my way, even in Oxenfurt where I stopped before coming here. I didn't try here in Tretogor yet. When I go to the city, I am just wandering about. Maybe I should go and try to find one. It seems that the winter approaching makes the scars hurt more, like old broken bones."

Radovid tensed slightly to the observation. Inside he was realising painfully that the deal he made with Elois that launched the witch hunt was probably having more consequences than he anticipated. He hesitated a little bit but he couldn't leave the bard without an explanation. He didn't want him to discover from someone else that there was no witch left in the country and probably not many more in the north because of him.

- "Jaskier..." The bard looked at him grimacing as he was massaging the painful areas. "I think I never told you how I did get rid of Philippa..."

- "I would not have let her touch me !" Exclaimed the bard softly, surely believing that he was suggesting her to be able to do something for him. Radovid smiled sadly.

- "Of that I am sure but... I am sorry. You won't find any mage here. Probably not anymore in Redania and Temeria. Probably very few in the other countries."
- "Why is that ?" The bard looked at him confused.

- "There was the Brotherhood and soon after Aretuza's fall, there was the Lodge of the sorceress. They both had so much power over the kingdoms. Philippa was acting according her own agenda but she was no better and we suspected her to progressively take over the Lodge, using Redania."

- "We ?"

- "Elois and I."

- "Temeria was more advanced in the elaboration of a secret plan to eradicate counsellor mages and sorceress. But it may have initiated something bigger." Jaskier's expression was making Radovid nervous now. He felt the need to justify everything. "Philippa was controlling every aspect of my life. She was spying on me, even in my sleep. By the end, she even looked inside my most intimate dreams. This couldn't last."

- "I see." Jaskier stopped his massage.

- "This is all you have to say about it ?"

- "Yes."

- "But you can't find a healer to help you anymore because of it."

- "This is not just about me, Radovid. There is more than that to be fair..."

- "What do you mean ?"

Jaskier sighed.

- "I understand why you did this, in a way. And why should I judge you for that desperate move ? Because this is what it is in fine. But you've been trapped in your castle for far too long. You never saw the world as it is really. Even in your own country."

- "I know that... But what do you want me to do ? Before you, the world was an abstract construct. Words and pictures on books. My own environment has always been this castle, the high city and the very few places that I was sent to, under high supervision. I have seen more the inside of a car and the tapestries of other castles than the real world, and actual people. Through your songs, I escaped the walls of my prison a little bit. Through the crazy experience we shared I have seen more in a few weeks than I saw in decades. But now, as a king, the world returned to its former conceptual state. It is just some statistics and reports given to me by my counsellors. I cannot measure what I do. I cannot imagine the consequences..."

Jaskier smiled sadly.

- "I am aware. I was meant to be like you, although not a king. I was meant to be facade and politics. A peon in a game to have fortune and more lands, at my own scale. I had the chance to find a window to escape. Through poetry and music. I have seen so many things out there. I have lived so many experiences. I wish you could see that too." The bard shifted to face him. Radovid plunged in his big sad eyes. "You know that witch hunt reminds me of other things I witnessed. I don't care there is no mage to heal me better, because to me this is just the sign of bigger suffering to come for many more people..."

- "Do you think that the hunt would become more ?"

- "Redania have a history of violence and cruelty you cannot imagine if you lived in a bubble, Radovid. And Temeria too. Elois might be a great queen and a very nice person, but I think you don't really see the hidden strings. Maybe she doesn't know either. I am just a bard, but... don't let them put more chains around you. If you can't avoid what you are now, then embrace your royal status and use your difference to make better things than what was done before."

- "Easier to say than to do... as I don't want to embrace my royal self. I never asked to be the king... I wanted to follow you... I want to be with you, all the time, wherever you go. If I could I would run away, right now..."

- "I know. And I wish that could be our reality too. Even in my state, I still want to get out. And you know that if I let that need speak, I would go. I can... I have walked my way back to you over hundreds of miles with that broken body. Nothing can stop me to fly... except me... and death."

Radovid couldn't hold his tears.

- "You are staying for me only ?" He whispered. "You are fighting the need to..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

- "Yes..."

- "Why ?"

- "Because the only thing that makes me feel alive right now is you, and you live here. So I have to stay. I know you don't want to hear me telling you to be a king. But I am telling you all this, Radovid, because I don't want to see you eaten alive by politics and loose empathy. I don't want to see you succumb to the numbness for others plots and plans. I see your heart. I see all the colours inside. You can show those colours to the world as you are on the top of the most powerful kingdom. Don't let Temeria or who ever is making the rules paint you all black. I have failed others for you... Maybe Destiny had put us in this place, in this difficult position, for something greater than us. I want to try I least... If that's to be my final chant, I offer it to you. To make you shine bright."

Radovid remembered what the dream traveller told him about Jaskier and hope and love. That he had to save him because he would write something that would give hope in a future dark age. He was just in front of that power unleashing for him.

- "Oh Jaskier... I love you so much..."

He sat up quickly and took the bard in his arms. His lover hissed at the sudden movement applied to his body but he twisted, ignoring the pain, to capture his lips. Jaskier then broke the kiss he initiated, trembling with contained passion. There were face against face.

- "Love his just a word, Radovid. What I feel is a universe." He whispered. "Take it. All of it... I shine like a million stars..."

In the golden lights playing in the room, they let themselves consume by passion again.

###

Radovid couldn't focus on his tasks all day long. That love declaration Jaskier had given him was overwhelming. He couldn't stop thinking about him. He barely listened to the reports of the week, until...

- "... fifty two gnomes have been arrested and are due to be executed." Said the security counsellor.

- "Under what accusation ?" He asked.

- "Witchcraft."

- "Is it verified ? I mean, gnomes are not known to be very versed in magic."

- "Gnome alchemy is considered witchcraft in Temeria." Answered the counsellor.

His blood ran cold. Jaskier was right. Temeria was beginning to take control, playing under the cover of the witch hunt that freed him. He looked at Elois who seemed as pained as him. At least she wasn't part of this.

- "Redania doesn't falls under temerian laws." He said firmly. "Free those gnomes, right away."

- "As you wish, your Majesty."

The confirmation had hidden notes of frustration in the voice of that man. Radovid didn't like it at all.

###

Jaskier was in a park of the high city of Tretogor. When he was not in the castle, he liked to go there. This was just the perfect distance. He didn't have to walk too far away to feel a little bit freer, as his limp reduced drastically the number of miles he could do a day. Tretogor was a nice city, and the high part was charming. There was nice shops and picturesque houses.

He liked this park because it had a lot of flowers and way more colours than the one in the castle which was almost saturated in the famous redanian red. In a way he liked it because that was THE garden. The Red Rose one. But he felt this strange monochromatic place suffocating sometimes. His safe place was more colourful, more vibrant.

He was looking at the flowers and passing people while his hands were playing almost unconsciously with a coin Yennefer had given him when the found family came back to Nelian's house, believing they would come with them. His thoughts were drifting to them, today more than ever, as some of his past life was rushing back in his mind because of the conversation he had with Radovid about the witch hunt.

He had many reason to stay away from the found family but he would never stop to care for them. He meant every word he said to Radovid. He loved him profoundly and he believed that he could be a great king. He would accept to stay in the shadows, to play the dangerous game they were playing, hiding their romance, for the royal marriage and the alliance between Redania and Temeria to hold, if this was what Radovid wanted. But he was afraid of what was growing outside. The walls of the castle were protection as much as obstacles to block the view. His Sandpiper blood was running cold to the idea he could be the accomplice to similar monstrosities to what happened under Vizimir reign.

Yennefer had given him that coin, saying that it was enchanted, and if need be, he could use it, even if was not able to use magic. She said something about one way communication and magic triggers base on words. He didn't quite understand but he remembered the key words he had to pronounce with the coin in hand to activate it : lilac and gooseberries. Maybe he should use it to tell the found family about the situation here. About the potential rise of violence against the non humans and the current witch hunt. They were all special and all at risk if things went out of control like it went for the elves.

But in the same time, he didn't think his voice mattered. Why would they listen to him ? He put the coin back in his pocket and closed his eyes a little bit, letting the sounds around create the illusion of freedom.

The illusion didn't last long though, as someone sat next to him on the bench, and whispered some words that made his blood ran cold.

- "Hello Sandpiper."

He looked back at the voice he recognised immediately. This was one of his old contacts from the underground network. Black Cat was his code name. The man was an black elf from Oxenfurt with a strong stature for his kind. He was wearing a hat to cover his cut ears.

- "I see that you are enjoying some upper life style here." The man said, looking at his outfit judgementally.

- "Well..."

- "We already know you live at the castle now. And it's been quite some time. You've even taken the redanian style."

The man smiled but it was half sincere. Jaskier moved uncomfortably on the bench. His clothes seemed to burn his skin suddenly. Of course he did change outfit to something more local, as he couldn't stay any longer in his travelling clothes in the castle. He just adapted it to his liking. But it was still an obvious trait of his current position.

- "You too are more a la mode." The bard replied looking at the typical redanian outfit the Black Cat was wearing.

- "Well, you are a difficult man to approach now. The high city isn't very welcoming for my kind. Fortunately, I can pass for one of you, if they don't look too closely. But if I take the risk to come and be seen with you, you know what it means, right ?"

Jaskier smiled sadly.

- "The witch hunt is already out of control, isn't it ?"

- "Yes. Race cleansing have begun under the motive of witchcraft... Elves, dwarves, gnomes... In some places, everyone is a target now, except humans. Temeria has fallen to this fever and the Bleobheris tragedy is repeating itself in many cases. The witch hunt is just an easy excuse. Redania begins to tiptoe into the blood bath too but this is more discreet for the moment. Did you know about it ?"

- "No. I learned the existence of the witch hunt this morning, when the subject of finding a healer came to the table... I suspected that it could go in that direction."

- "A healer ?" The elf noted that more than his opinion.

- "The Sandpiper cannot fly anymore, I am afraid." The bard opened slightly his coat and shirt to let his shoulder a little bit apparent. "My belly is the same but to a much larger extend. I came to Redania to rest, until... well you know... the end, I hoped."

- "What happened ?" The elf was concerned.

Jaskier put his shirt back in place and sighed. He didn't want to talk. It was painful to think about all of this. He was living this like the torture he had been submitted to sometimes. Parasite emotions and memories, to heavy flashbacks and this was exactly what was happening now. For a brief second, he was back in the cart, dying in Geralt's arms, giving him his last wishes. He cleared his throat and drank back the tears that were menacing to come.

- "I got caught on war field on occupied territories and... left behind in a druid hut in the middle of nowhere. There is nothing to fear for the network. This was some zealous soldiers afraid to die in the melee. I was an easy target. They almost killed me. He took me months to be able to walk again. And months to reach Redania. I can't be useful to anyone, now."

- "War is still brewing on those territories." Corrected the man.

- "Yeah I know. I saw it, on my way up here."

- "You... didn't try to avoid the war zones, right ?"

- "Indeed."

- "So, it is just luck that you came back... alive."

- "Luck ? Destiny ? Give it the name you want."

- "Well, if it is Destiny, my friend, then it is too that I found you, today. The Sandpiper has never been a warrior but he's done great things. Don't forget that." Jaskier sighed and wanted to protest as the man continued. "A dark age is coming, my friend. You can do what you always did with this name. Provide hope at the very least."

The bard didn't reply. There was nothing he could say. Black Cat was right, but for the Jaskier he knew. There was too much to heal for him to stand tall as he did. His heart agreed. But he had never felt that weak and powerless before. One false move and everything could blow back full force, to him, to the network, and to Radovid. He trusted his Red Rose and he loved him. The solution could only come from above this time. So he got up and saluted the black elf and he did the same, understanding that the conversation was closed.

- "I hope this is goodbye and not farewell, Sandpiper." Said the man.

They took opposite direction as they leave. Jaskier didn't see then that Black Cat wasn't who he thought he was, as he morphed into a cloaked feminine figure, with a white hair braid.

Limping his way out of the park, the bard was troubled. In his mind was playing many things while his hand was playing with Yennefer's coin. Between the multitude of voices from the past, Geralt was almost supplanting them all. He was whispering to his ears those words he couldn't bear and were still hurting him more than the blade that left him in this pitiful state.

- "Everyone else is dead. You wouldn't have survived if I did what you said. I saved your life, Jaskier. You can't reproach me to be alive."

Then everything played back... The whole found family that came back to get what was left of him. He had wished so bad to be able to walk his way out of here before this could happen, but the damages where too big and he was barely able to walk around Nelian's house when they came. He was not ready to face them and to see the consequences of his failure. Ciri and Yennefer scars, and unsaid traumas. The hansa's total annihilation. Geralt guilt over it.

And they were not ready to see him like this. Physically and mentally broken. And it went bad. Of course it went bad.

All his abandon issues were screaming inside of him and he couldn't accept that he had been robbed of his last wish and own death. So he purposely triggered Geralt, knowing that the witcher wouldn't understand his pain to be alive. He told him about how he failed them all because he wasn't with Ciri. He remembered the wolf's anger and disbelief. He remembered Nelian trying to stop the escalation. He remembered Ciri explaining that she saw him in the shed by the window before Radovid was up and chose to run away because she knew he would have stopped her. She was trying to counter his guilt. He remembered Yennefer seeing what he was doing and trying to reason everyone and fail.

- "I was right." Had said Geralt in a final attempt to convince him. "I saved you. Can you just accept the gift ?"

- "Because you are right, it doesn't mean I am wrong..." He had replied.

Yennefer and Ciri cried. They understood. Geralt didn't. And he walked away without a word. Ciri ran after him. That was the last he saw of her and him. Yennefer stayed a little bit longer. They talked. She gave him the coin. She believed in the family including him. He couldn't.

Jaskier's hand clenched over the coin in his pocket and he let the tears fall, as he was returning to the golden cage, where his Red Rose lived, and tried to silence the voices in his head. He had to right to chose his own end. He deserved it... But the consequences...

Complicated chapter to write. Complicated subjects. Complicated mindsets.
I hope it doesn't feel rushed though.

There is one chapter left.

See you soon !