(In a room that has been turned into a studio...)
"Come on Da Vinci! I want this whole thing set up in five minutes!"
"On it..." Da Vinci muttered. "Who would have known that she would be such a slave driver..." she thought as she moved a booth to a corner of the studio. "Okay, the cameras and seats are all set."
"Good. And the guests?" the person asked.
"They should be arriving right now...well some of them at least," Da Vinci replied.
The voice sighed. "Let me get the others..."
And soon the person left the room, leaving Da Vinci all alone finishing up the room...
(A few minutes later...)
"Uh Shirou...where are we?" Arturia asked.
"I don't know Arturia," Shirou replied as he and Arturia looked at the dark room they were in. They sighed as how that earlier, they were just walking down a hallway, and now ended up here. As they were navigating through the room, they bumped into something.
Or rather, someone.
"Ow!"
"Sorry!"
"E-Emiya-kun?!" Ishtar yelled out with a blush.
"Toh-oh wait, Ishtar-san?! What are you doing here?"
"That's what I want to know as well! Just where are we!?"
"Will you two keep it down over there?" an annoyed voice said.
"That voice...Archer?" Arturia asked.
"Yeah..." Archer/EMIYA muttered. "Just how did my luck end up here? All I know is that out of nowhere, I'm suddenly teleported here...I blame my E-rank luck for this..."
"Onii-chan?!" Another voice came out.
"Illya?! You're here as well? How?! Wait, which one?!"
"I don't know! All that I know was that I was suddenly teleported here! Was it the same for you as well? Also, it's Sitonai!" Illya asked.
"Yeah. Me, Arturia, Ishtar, and Archer just suddenly teleported here out of nowhere."
"Who would do something like this?" Ishtar asked.
"I don't know. How about you Shirou? Archer?"
Shirou and Archer/EMIYA said nothing as they were just trying to figure out who or what brought them here.
"This type of thing...don't tell me she's behind this..." they though as the realization of who could it be just hit them in the face.
"Shirou?" Arturia asked.
"Archer?" Ishtar asked.
"Hm? Oh, it's nothing," Shirou said.
"Yeah. What he said," Archer/EMIYA said as well.
"Ow...what's going on here..." a new voice muttered.
"Sakura/Parvati?!" Shirou and Ishtar exclaimed.
"Eh?! Sempai?! Ishtar-san?! What are you doing here?! Don't tell me you two got here as well!" Parvati exclaimed.
"You too?!"
"Yeah! Along with Rider!"
"Rider...she's here too...?"
"Shirou," a new voice said.
Shirou looked around to see where Medusa was and saw her behind Parvati.
"It's been a while, Rider."
"Yeah. It's been a while Shirou. Can you explain how you got here as well?"
Shirou sighed. "Honestly, if my suspicions were correct, then the person who brought us here would be-"
Suddenly, new voices came into the room, cutting Shirou off.
"Hey! Get off me!"
"Hmph! Someone like you deserves the ground you mutt."
"Don't call me a mutt!"
"Oh right, I should call you mongrel."
"Why you...!"
"Oh my, you look quite hilarious from down there, lancer."
"RWWWWWWWARRRRRRRRR!"
"Those voices...don't tell me..." Shirou thought and inwardly sighed as he knew those voices in the corner and one of them meant trouble for everyone considering his arrogance towards other people.
And his creepy obsession with Arturia.
"Uh Arturia, I think we may need to be quiet right now," Shirou whispered to Arturia.
"Why?" Arturia asked in a quiet voice.
"Because Gilgamesh is here. Along with the other servants from the fifth holy grail war."
"Oh."
However, their chances of staying hidden from the crowd were all shot down as Ishtar heard Gilgamesh's voice and started to trash talk him.
"Well well, if it isn't golden boy..."
Gilgamesh heard Ishtar's voice and instantly his mood went foul. "Ishtar..." he grumbled.
"Now now, can all of you settle down?" A new voice said.
At that moment, everyone stopped doing what they were doing. While half of the servants were wondering who that the voice was, the other half immediately knew.
"That voice...don't tell me..." Shirou, Arturia, Archer, Ishtar, Parvati, and Illya thought.
Soon, the lights of the room came on, revealing the room where the servants were in and who was there.
The room that the servants were in looked like a tv studio with multiple chairs on the right side of the room and a booth on the left side of the room. As everyone looked around the room, the servants immediately saw each other.
"Ah! Hey kid!" Lancer Cu said.
"Cu?"
"FAKER!" Gilgamesh yelled.
"Damn it. Not you..." Shirou and Archer muttered.
"Boy..." Medea said.
"Caster..."
"RWWWWWWWARRRRRRRRR!" Berserker Heracles roared.
"B-Berserker..." Shirou said nervously.
"Gilgamesh!" Arturia growled at Gilgamesh.
"Ah, if it isn't my dear saber. Have you decided on becoming my wife?" Gilgamesh said with a cocky tone.
"Creepy," Medea said.
"Definitely," Sasaki Kojiro said.
"Assassin?" Shirou asked as he noticed him.
"Hm? Oh hey, it's been a young while young man. How've you been? I've heard that you became a heroic spirit, and you somehow bonded with Sengo Muramasa, the demonic blacksmith."
Shirou was surprised with Assassin. "You knew Sengo Muramasa?"
"Yup. He was really famous in my era, especially since he's the one who technically brought down the Tokugawa clan," Sasaki said with a grin on his face.
"I see..."
"Yeah. So, any idea how all of us got here?"
"Well...if my suspicions are correct, I would say the person who brought all of us here would be-"
"Hi~!"
Everyone stopped bickering for a moment to see where the voice came from. It was then that the curtains of the stage moved, revealing Irisviel Von Einzbern in a talk show outfit.
"M-Mom?! What are you doing?!" Shirou and Sitonai exclaimed.
"Um...hosting a talk show," Irisviel stated calmly.
"But why?!"
"Because I'm bored! And I want to know about the holy grail war Shirou was in!"
"Is that the reason why you kidnapped everyone here?"
"I wouldn't say kidnap...just teleported some people here," Irisviel said with a giggle.
"And how did you set this up?!"
"With a little help from Da Vinci-chan."
"Mom...you scare me sometimes..." Shirou and Sitonai thought.
"Anyway! Since everyone is here, let's start the talk show where I'll be asking questions about various topics about the holy grail war Shirou was in!"
"Now hold on! Why should be a part of this stupid chat mongrel?" Gilgamesh sneered at Irisviel, ticking off Shirou, Sitonai, and Archer/EMIYA.
"Because I thought it would be fun! What? You scared of a chat? Hey everyone! The King of Heroes fears talking to other people!" Irisviel teased.
"You mongrel...how dare you make fun of me..." Gilgamesh muttered.
Irisviel ignored him and continued teasing him.
Gilgamesh was not amused and finally gave up. "Fine, I'll engage in this stupid chat...only if you would shut up..."
"Excellent! Now, I need everyone to be in a seat right now!"
Everyone was shocked and surprised at how easily Gilgamesh complied to Irisviel's commands. However, they were shocked even more at how cunning and scary Irisviel can be.
Soon, everyone was placed into a seat while Irisviel was at a booth.
"Now then, let the talk about the fifth holy grail war begin! Now onto the first question! Shirou, who was your servant in the fifth holy grail war?"
"It was Arturia Pendragon, King of Knights," Shirou said with a smile.
"Saber class? Or some other class?"
"Saber class?"
"How did you summon her?"
"Well...it's kind of a long story. You see, after getting revived from an impalement from Cu over there, I went back to my house...only to encounter Cu again. He tried to kill me again and I defended myself. Eventually, the fight went into the warehouse, which housed a summoning circle that I didn't know at the time. As so, when I was on the ground and placed my hand on the summoning circle, a bright light appeared and that's how I met Arturia."
"I see...what are your thoughts when you first saw her?"
Shirou and Arturia blushed at Irisviel's question.
"Well?" Irisviel asked.
Shirou took a deep breath before saying, "The first time I saw her on that night...the image of her in the moonlight was stuck into my head. At that moment, what I saw was beautiful."
"S-Shirou..." Arturia muttered with a blush on her face as she looked down.
"One question about that. What catalyst did you use to summon her?"
Shirou took a deep breath before saying, "Avalon, which was inside of my body at the time."
Iriviel smiled at her son's answer. "Okay, next question! And this one is for Mr. Cu here!"
"Oh. It's my turn now?" Cu asked with curiosity.
"Yes! Why did you try to kill Shirou on that day?"
Cu sighed. "It's not like I didn't have a choice. Back then, I had strict orders from my master to eliminate any witnesses of the holy grail war, so I had to eliminate him. Imagine my surprise when I saw him alive after I stabbed him with Gae Bolg in the heart."
"I see..."
"Yeah! And not only that, but I had to eliminate him again! And later on, I had to stab him again! With extra effort as well! And he still lived! I mean seriously, does this kid have the worst luck or what?!"
"That's funny, coming from you..." Everyone else thought.
"I see. Did you have any regrets?"
"Honestly no, because I was a servant at the time. I had to follow orders...although I did wish that I get to fight the kid again...without any interference."
"Okay then. Now Ishtar! Or rather Tohsaka Rin! Were you surprised that Shirou happened to get killed by Cu before the Holy Grail War started?"
"Call me Ishtar! And yeah, you're telling me! I was surprised that Emiya-kun happened to be there at the time!" Ishtar exclaimed. "And by the time when I found him, he was dead with a stab wound in the heart!"
"Yeah. If it wasn't for Tohsaka, I would still be dead right now, and I have to thank her for that."
Ishtar blushed. "Y-You don't have to thank me for that! You just happened to be nearby and that's it!"
Cu had a smug smile on his face after seeing that. "Is that so, eh...?" he thought as he looked at the behavior of Ishtar.
"A-Anyways, can you hurry onto the next question Irisviel?!" Ishtar yelled out with a blush on her face.
"All right, all right. Okay, the next question is for Parvati! Or rather Matou Sakura!"
"Eh?! I'm up next!?" Parvati exclaimed nervously.
"Yup! And here's the question! What were your feelings about the Fifth Holy Grail War?"
Parvati sighed. "My feelings about it...honestly, I didn't have any feelings about it. However, I wished what Rider told me was just a joke. If anything, I didn't want senpai to get himself involved in the war. Senpai's too kind for a war like this, and it would kill him instantly."
"Sakura..." Shirou muttered.
"Honestly...I was glad that senpai not only survived the war, but also emerged as the victor," Parvati said with a smile.
"I see...anyways, I have a question for Medusa. Medusa, was Sakura your master as mentioned earlier?"
"Yes. However, the problem was that Sakura didn't want to join the Holy Grail War, so she had to transfer her command seals to..." Rider replied, but stopped.
"To whom I might ask?"
Rider took a deep breath before saying, "To her lousy excuse of a brother, Matou Shinji," with pure venom in her voice.
Shirou was shocked for Rider to say that. "Rider, you don't have to say that..."
"Shirou. I don't care if you think that you and Shinji are friends, but all I can say is this. Matou Shinji was a horrible excuse of a brother. He has done unforgivable things to Sakura and I trust you, you don't want to know what he did to her," Medusa said with anger.
As Medusa said those words, Shirou thought, "That tone of voice...she must be really mad at Shinji. I know that he may have done some bad things during the Holy Grail War but considering Rider's words, just what did Shinji do to Sakura?"
"Wow! Sounds like you have a grudge against this Matou Shinji fellow, do you Medusa?" Irisviel asked.
"Yeah. For you to be this mad, he must have done something this bad to get on your side," Cu replied as well.
"You have no idea...there were times I wanted to murder him while he was asleep by choking him with my chains or stabbing him, command seal or not. It's a good thing he's not in Chaldea, otherwise I would have instantly murder him on the spot," Medusa muttered.
Everyone went quiet for a moment.
"Jeez, and I thought Jason was horrible. To think this Matou Shinji made Medusa this mad...what he did to get on her bad side?"
"All right...on to the next one! This one is for Arturia!"
"For me?"
"Yes, and this one may be a bit personal for you. What was your wish for the Holy Grail?"
Arturia sighed. "Well...my wish for the holy grail...was to undo my mistakes from my time as King Arthur by redoing the selection of the sword...or at least it was."
"Was? What do you mean by that?"
"Well...during the fifth Holy Grail War, Shirou taught me something. Even if I made some mistakes in my lifetime doesn't mean that I can just erase them easily. Otherwise what would be the point of all of the pain and sacrifices me and my knights made if I just wish them all away? That would be a big insult to all of the work me and the Knights of the Round did. Not only that, but Britain did prosper in the end."
This time, it was Shirou's turn to blush. "S-Saber..." he muttered.
Arturia smiled at him. "What? I just followed your advice Shirou."
"Wow. That seems like a tough wish to make. Speaking of which, did everyone here had a wish for the holy grail? If so, then raise your hand if you had a wish for it."
Out of the group of servants, Ishtar, Medea, and Gilgamesh raised their hands.
"For me, it was to access to the root of Akasha," Ishtar replied.
"For me, it was to find some happiness with Souichirou-sama," Medea replied.
"For me, it was to make give Saber a human body and make her my wife," Gilgamesh said proudly.
Everyone looked at him with a face of disgust, especially Shirou and Arturia.
"And that will never happen," Arturia angrily stated.
"Ever. So, you might as well give up King of Heroes," Shirou angrily stated as well.
"And while you're at it, you might as well go back spending time with that so-called friend of yours," Archer said with a smirk.
"Why you..." Gilgamesh angrily muttered.
"All right, all aright, no fighting here okay?" Irisviel asked.
Shirou, Arturia, and Archer/EMIYA still were giving Gilgamesh an angry look while Gilgamesh did the same to them as well.
"I said...no fighting here...understand?!" Irisviel said in a menacingly tone.
That immediately got the four of them to shut up, especially Shirou and Archer/EMIYA.
Even Berserker shut his mouth.
After all, they've never heard this tone from Irisviel and it scared them dearly, including Sitonai.
"Jeez, Mom is quite scary..." Shirou, Archer/EMIYA, and Sitonai thought as the mood of the atmosphere went cold for a moment.
"All right! Let's resume the questions!" Irisviel exclaimed cheerfully, returning from her previous state. "This question is for my daughter, Sitonai!"
"For me?"
"Yes! On your first meeting with Shirou, why did you try to kill him?"
Sitonai took a deep sigh before saying, "Well...I blame grandfather for that. He told me lies about how Kiritsugu abandoned me for Shirou and how he broke his promise. After finding about onii-chan, I wanted to kill him before he told me the whole truth."
"I see. Did you two made up later?"
Sitonai let out a smile. "Yup!"
"Well that's great for the both of you. Although I wish you shouldn't have unleashed berserker on him..." Irisviel muttered.
"I know..." Sitonai muttered.
"Anyways! Next question is for Archer!"
"So, I'm up huh?"
"Yup! And this is one you may be familiar to. Just why were you harsh on Shirou during the war?"
"Honestly, it was just that he reminded me of what I used to be."
"Really? How so?"
It was then that Archer/EMIYA decided to put his two cents in. "In the case where he's a reckless, selfless, self-sacrificing idiot that puts others' lives in front of himself, not knowing the consequences of his actions," Archer stated with a smug look on his face.
"Hey!" Shirou yelled out.
"True," Arturia said.
"Definitely," Ishtar said.
"Sorry senpai, but Archer's correct," Parvati said.
"Even when you were my enemy, you still didn't show any care for your health as you focused on the others," Rider said.
"Onii-chan. They're right you know, and I agree with them," Sitonai said.
Shirou lowered his head. "Damn it, Archer..."
"All right, next up is Sasaki!"
"Oh? So, it's my turn now?"
"Yes, and I have one question for you. What was your role in the holy grail war?"
"Well, I was an assassin class, but I was assigned to guard the temple caster was currently residing in."
"Eh? You didn't engage in fights?"
"I did, but only two. To be fair, I was told to stay at the temple doors no matter what."
"I see...did you go crazy when you were staying at the temple a bit too long? I mean, they say staying in one place drives a person crazy."
"Nope."
"All right then, next up Medea! Ask me, what were your thoughts about the holy grail war?"
"Well...my thoughts about the war itself are just normal. I just wanted the holy grail itself and that's it. However, it did help me regain something that I thought was lost forever."
"And what was it?"
Medea smiled. "Love."
"Love?"
"Yes. Ever since I met Souichirou-sama, I regained the missing love that I thought was lost forever because of Jason's betrayal."
"I see. Anyway, moving on berserker, since you were Illya-chan's servant in the holy grail war, what were your thoughts on her?"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! (She is a good master.)"
"I-I see..." Iriviel said nervously. "O-Okay then, onto the next person..."
It was at that moment that everyone's mood went a little foul as the last person was Gilgamesh.
"Gilgamesh, what were your thoughts on the holy grail war?"
"Hmph. Normally, I would not answer a question like that, but since I'm very generous today, I'll consider it an exception."
"Okay. And what are your thoughts?"
"Beside Saber, everyone else in the holy grail war are below me, especially the fakers," Gilgamesh said arrogantly.
In that moment, everyone got pissed at Gilgamesh and gave him a nasty look.
"What? It's true. I mean seriously, all of you mongrels got wasted by Saber in the end. It was the same in the holy grail war before that too," Gilgamesh sneered.
"I see...and who are the fakers you are referring to?"
"The other archer and Saber's pathetic excuse of a former master."
At that moment, Shirou, Arturia, Ishtar, Parvati, Sitonai, Medusa, Irisviel, and even Cu were pissed at him.
After all, he just insulted Shirou in front of the people that knew him a lot.
Arturia was about unleash Excalibur on him, but Shirou placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Let me handle this Arturia," Shirou said while trying to calm her down.
"Are you sure Shirou?" Arturia asked worringly.
"Yeah," he reassured.
"Well...okay..." Arturia muttered as she sat back down.
Shirou then got from his seat and called out Gilgamesh.
"Hey! King of Heroes!"
Gilgamesh turned around and his face turned into one with a scowl on it. "What is it, faker?"
"Let me ask you this. Do you think of yourself as the strongest of all servants?"
"Hah? Of course, I'm the strongest servant out of everyone here!" Gilgamesh said arrogantly.
"Is that so huh? Then tell me, if you claim yourself as the strongest, then how is it that Arturia managed to beat you twice in both holy grail wars? I mean, if you got yourself beaten, then technically, you're not the strongest servant. If anything, it makes Arturia the strongest out of them all, and I can see why. All you've been doing is just standing still like an easy target to hit. No wonder why Arturia kept beating you. You're just standing there like an idiot!"
Everyone gasped at what Shirou just did, especially Arturia and Archer.
After all, he just roasted the king of heroes right in his own face.
"Faker...how dare you...YOU MONGREL!" Gilgamesh yelled out in anger.
"And that's another thing, do you even know what the term mongrel means?"
Silence came into the room after Shirou asked the question.
"It means mixed breed and considering what who your parents are and what your lore is...that makes you...the biggest mongrel out of all of us."
At that moment, everyone was in shock at what Shirou just said and did.
Calling the king of heroes a mongrel, the word he keeps calling to other servants? That's like a death sentence.
And Shirou just did that in front of his face.
For a moment, nothing happened...until a few giggles escaped from Ishtar's, Cu's, Archer/EMIYA's, Medusa's, Irisviel's, and Medea's mouths. Eventually, they couldn't hold it in any longer and they started laughing like a bunch of hyenas.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE KID JUST SAID THAT!" Cu said while laughing hysterically.
"NO KIDDING! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT EMIYA-KUN HAD THE GUTS TO SAY THAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS STUPID FACE! OH DEAR I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY FROM THIS!" Ishtar yelled out while laughing and crying at the same time.
"That's hell he's walking into...BUT HE'S GOT A GOOD POINT!" Archer/EMIYA said while trying to stop himself from laughing but failed.
"Oh dear...who would have thought...that Saber's former master...would have quite the sharp tongue..." Medea said while laughing.
"Oh my god Shirou...you made mom really happy this time..." Irisviel said while laughing.
"Rider? What's so funny?" Parvati asked as she noticed that half of the group was laughing.
"It appears...that Shirou...has beaten the king of heroes...in the most hilarious and humiliating way possible," Rider replied while laughing.
While Cu, Archer/EMIYA, Ishtar, Medusa, Irisviel, and Medea were having a fit laughing, Arturia, Sitonai, Sasaki, Parvati, and Hercules were looking at Shirou in shock at what he just did.
Gilgamesh on the other hand...was not amused.
Okay. Scratch that, he was pissed.
Really pissed.
Probably even borderline furious to the point where he just wants to unleash EA on Shirou.
And that's what he had on his mind.
"You...FAKER!" He yelled out as he got out of his chair. He then raised his hand and was preparing himself to summon EA. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF ME! CALLING ME A MONGREL...YOU DESERVE A THOUSAND, NO WAIT, A NUMBER OF DEATHS CAN'T MAKE UP FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME! YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER ENDLESSLY! JUST FOR THAT, YOU SHALL BE VAPORIZED BY MY NOBLE PHANTASM! I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS YOU FAKER!"
EA then appeared in his hand, snapping everyone out from their fits of laughter as they moved away from the angry Gilgamesh and his noble phantasm.
"DIE! ENUMA EL-" Gilgamesh yelled out, only to be knocked out by a giant fist out of nowhere.
And that giant fist happened to be made from Irisviel's magic.
"All...right then...let's continue...the talk show...shall we...?" Irisviel said while trying to stop herself from laughing.
After a few minutes of calming down, the show resumed.
"Okay. This is the last question about the holy grail war. Shirou, who won the holy grail war?"
Shirou took a deep breath before saying what happened. "Well, me and Arturia won the holy grail war."
"I see. What happened?"
"What happened was that after the winning the holy grail war, we destroyed it."
It was at that point that everyone (besides Arturia, Sitonai, Ishtar, and Hercules) yelled out, "EHHHHH?! WHY?!"
Shirou sighed. "It was because the grail itself was already corrupted. I don't know the details itself, but the reason why the grail itself was corrupted was because during the third holy grail war, the Einzberns tried to cheat in the war by trying to summon a divine spirit. The problem was that servant they summoned...happened to be a god of darkness...and was weak because of the grail itself. After the third holy grail war was over, apparently the god of darkness went back into the grail and corrupted it."
Everyone was shocked at what Shirou just said. "Wow..." they exclaimed.
"Yeah."
"So that's why you destroyed the holy grail in your holy grail war Shirou...I didn't know that."
"Me neither. It wasn't until the later stages of the war that I found out about it."
"And who told you of it?"
Shirou mumbled. "A certain fake priest..."
"I see. Oh! We appear to be out of time!" Irisviel exclaimed as she checked her watch, seeing that time was almost up. "Anyways, I hope that all of you besides Gilgamesh enjoyed this chat session!"
"We sure did," Cu said with a cocky grin.
"Yeah. Seeing Emiya-kun roasting Gilgamesh was probably one of the best things I have ever seen."
"I'll admit...it was quite fun," Archer/EMIYA said.
"Same," Medea replied.
"This chat session was quite enjoyable I'll say," Sasaki said.
"Wasn't today fun onii-chan?" Sitonai asked Shirou.
"It was fun I guess..." Shirou replied. He then felt Arturia tugging his arm.
"Shirou, can we hurry up? I'm hungry..." Arturia muttered.
"All right, all right, just wait until mom teleports us out of here," Shirou replied with a smile.
"Wasn't today good Rider?"
"Yeah. I'll admit, seeing Shirou roasting Gilgamesh just made my day," Medusa said with a smile on her face.
Berserker didn't say anything.
And Gilgamesh...is still down on the ground.
"All right! I'll be teleporting all of you back to where you came from! Bye bye!" Irisviel exclaimed joyfully.
Soon, everyone left the studio, leaving Irisviel alone.
"Well then...today seems quite hilarious and interesting at the same time...although was it a good idea to not tell everyone that I had cameras set up around the room here and this was being broadcasted to all of Chaldea?" Irisviel talked to herself.
After a few minutes, she had her answer.
"Nah."
And to this day, the roasting of Gilgamesh from Emiya Shirou became a well-known topic to all of the servants in Chaldea...