This could possibly one of the weirdest battles Shirou has ever faced in his entire life.
One that didn't involve any swords, or magic, or noble phantasms, or anything violent.
But rather a cooking battle.
And his opponent?
Beni-enma, who is also known as one of the greatest cooks in Chaldea.
And the judges? Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci.
As Beni-enma and Shirou were having a cook-off while Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci were watching while giving out commentary, Shirou had one thought to himself.
"How did things end up this way...?"
(A few hours ago...)
Shirou was just having a normal day in Chaldea's cafeteria, cleaning up the counter top as he was preparing for the daily lunch for the servants.
However, that would change...
When Beni-enma came into the room with a grumpy face, alongside with Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci.
"Ah, Master, Mashu, Da Vinci. Nice to see you."
"Y-Yeah. Nice to see you too..." Ritsuka muttered nervously.
While Shirou recognized Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci, he didn't recognize Beni-enma at first glance and asked, "Uh master, who is the servant right next to you and is staring at me intensely?"
"Well...it's a long story..."
Beni-enma gave Shirou a long stare and asked, "Tell me, are you the new servant known as Emiya Shirou?"
"Yes. And who are you? Can I help you with something?"
"My name is Beni-enma, the bearer of the title, Tongue-cut sparrow, and a graduate of the Beni-enma Culinary School. I am the teacher of the well-known cooks in all of Chaldea and has taught many servants who can't even cook as well."
"I see...and what business do you have with me Beni-enma san?" Shirou asked.
Beni-enma took a deep breath before saying, "Emiya Shirou. I challenge you to a cook-off!"
Shirou was shocked at Beni-enma's declaration. "Huh?"
"You heard me quite clearly. I challenge you to a cook-off right now!"
Shirou was speechless for moment. After a few seconds of piecing the information together, he asked, "But why?"
"It's because I keep hearing from other servants that your cooking is very good! Even on par with the red bowman who is my rival! That got me curious, considering that there is only a few who can rival the red bowman! And not to mention the fact that you already started cooking in Chaldea's kitchen without my permission and approval!"
"I-Is that so?"
"Yeah! So, I need to make sure if your skills can live up to the rumors people have been talking about and to make sure if you are worth enough to be in Chaldea's kitchen!"
"I-I see. What are the conditions of the cook-off?"
"Good idea. Let me check in the kitchen first," Beni-enma said as she went into the kitchen and checked up the fridge. As he checked in the fridge, he saw a large amount of pork in there, giving her an idea on what topic should the match focus on. "All right, the theme of the match will be pork. Is that okay with you?"
"I'm okay with that. What are the rules?"
"It's simple. We will use any tools and ingredients there are in the kitchen. Or course, there will be a time limit."
"I see. How shall we decide who is the winner?"
"Don't worry, I already brought over master and his companions to be the judges of this match."
Shirou looked at Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci and asked, "Why?"
"Well...to be honest...I wanted to do something like this," Ritsuka said nervously.
"S-So do I," Mashu said nervously.
"Me too," Da Vinci said.
Shirou sighed and asked Beni-enma, "How is the winner decided?"
"The winner will be decided with a voting system. The contestant with the most votes from the judges wins the match. If you win, then I'll accept you as a chef of Chaldea."
"And if I lose?"
"Then I'll take you in as my disciple and will put you through hellish training until your skills are deemed acceptable. Not only that, but until then, you are banned from the kitchen until I deemed so."
"I see...then I accept," Shirou said, knowing that he must win the match because if he was banned from the kitchen...then Arturia and her alternate versions would go on a rampage after hearing that.
And even Archer wouldn't be able to calm them down from their rampage.
"Good. Master, shall you do the honors of starting the match?"
Ritsuka muttered and cleared his breath before nervously saying," Let the match begin!"
And the two started cooking with what was in the fridge along with the pork...
(Back to the present...)
"Man, can't believe that today would be the day where I would be having a cooking battle with Beni-enma, who happened to be one of Chaldea's greatest chefs and apparently Archer's rival in cooking. What's more, if I lose, Beni-enma will take me in as a student and will ban me from the kitchen until she deems me worthy again...pretty sure that Arturia and her other versions will not take that very well," Shirou thought as he was peeling an onion of its skin and chopping it.
Meanwhile, Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci were looking at the match with great interest.
"What do you think they'll be cooking up today senpai?" Mashu asked.
"I don't know Mashu. However, one's thing for certain is that the dishes these two will make will always delicious, so it's going to be hard to tell which one is better," Ritsuka replied.
"You do have a point there. I mean both chefs are very well-versed in cooking," Da Vinci said.
It was then that Archer/EMIYA came into the cafeteria. "Master?"
"Ah! Archer!" Ritsuka said.
"Uh master, what is going on here?" Archer/EMIYA asked as he was looking at the cooking battle between Shirou and Beni-enma.
"Oh that? Well...Beni-enma wanted to make sure if Shirou was worthy enough to be a chef in the kitchen. If Shirou fails...then Beni-enma would put him in her hellish training regime and would ban him from the kitchen until otherwise."
"I see..." Archer/EMIYA said as he looked at the cooking match with amusement. "Good luck my younger self. You should seriously know how strict Beni-enma is when it comes to her hellish training regime and cooking. It made Tamamo-no-Mae, Kiyohime, Osakabehime, Takiyashahime, and Suzuka Gozen address her as "Beni-sensei," and respect and even fear her. Trust me, she's so scary when it comes to cooking that even I fear her sometimes! Also, if by any chance you lose, then all of Chaldea will be screwed if Arturia and her alternate versions finds out that you were banned from the kitchen..." he thought as he took a seat.
"By the way Archer, are you going to be judging this like the rest of us?" Mashu asked.
"Nah. I'm not interested in that, so I'm going to watch from the sidelines," Archer/EMIYA replied.
"Suit yourself then," Da Vinci said.
Back at the kitchen, Shirou and Beni-enma were having a heated cooking battle. While both contestants were using the same ingredient, they were making separate dishes.
For Beni-enma, he was making Shogayaki, which is Japanese-style ginger pork.
For Shirou, he was making Katsudon, which is a bowl of rice topped with a deep-fried pork cutlet, an egg, vegetables, and condiments.
On Beni-enma's side of the kitchen, she grated the onion, garlic, and ginger in a small bowl and added soy sauce, mirin, sake, and sugar. Afterwards, she grabbed the pork, sliced it thinly, and seasoned it with salt and pepper. Meanwhile on Shirou's side of the kitchen, he pounded the pork chops and seasoned it with salt and pepper.
However, what happened next made Beni-enma interested.
Shirou then grabbed a yam, grated it, and mixed it onto the flour. Not only that, but he grabbed two cast iron pans and filled it with an even layer of oil. He then made the temperature of one pan higher than the other.
"Did Shirou just grated a yam into the flour? And those two pans of oil...what is he up to? Is he planning on double frying?" Beni-enma thought as she saw Shirou doing that.
Shirou then dusted the pork chops with an even coating of the flour. He then gathered a few bowls and in one of them, beaten an egg while in the other put panko breadcrumbs in it.
"So far, Shirou has shown me a few interesting things...adding grated yam to the flour...and those two pans...wonder what else will he show me..." Beni-enma thought as she observed Shirou's action before heading back to her own work.
As Beni-enma focused on her work, she then grabbed a non-sticking frying pan and added cooking oil on medium-high heat. She then placed the meat in a single layer as she was cooking the meat into batches. She then flipped the meat over when the bottom side of it was golden brown. Finally, when the meat was cooked thoroughly, she then added the seasonings and chopped scallions. She then served it on a plate.
"Well then, now that the shogayaki is done, I need to do the sides," Beni-enma thought. She then started to shred some Japanese cabbage into thin strips and sliced a tomato into wedges.
Meanwhile, Shirou was working hard as well. Shirou placed the floured pork chops into the panko breadcrumbs and pressed it into it to give it an even coating. He then placed the pork chops into the first pan for about ten seconds before transferring it into the other pan. After ten minutes has passed, he then took them out of the second pan of hot oil, sliced them, and laid them to rest. Afterwards, he grabbed two bowls and added dashi stock, sugar, soy sauce, and Mirin to the first bowl while adding two eggs to the other one and slightly beaten them.
Shirou then grabbed a third pan, added the sliced onions from earlier, and fried them until they were transparent and caramelized. He then added the stock mixture and the sliced pork chops and laid them over the onions. Afterwards, he drizzled the beaten egg over everything and cooked it over a medium low flame heat.
While the egg was settling over a medium low flame, Shirou then cut up some scallions and was about to get some rice from the rice cooker.
Meanwhile, Beni-enma had the same idea and went to get some rice from the rice cooker.
It was then that there was one small problem.
And it was who gets to go first.
For a few seconds, there was silence between the two until Shirou broke the silence first.
"So...do you want to use the rice cooker first?" Shirou asked.
"I don't mind if you use it first," Beni-enma replied politely.
"I see...well then, guess I'll go first then," Shirou said as he scooped up three bowls' worth of rice. Soon afterwards, Beni-enma did the same.
On Shirou's side of the kitchen, the egg settled in, telling Shirou to put it over the rice and he garnished it with the chopped scallions from earlier.
It was then that both contestants were done.
"All right, I'm done here," Shirou said.
"Same here as well," Beni-enma said.
Soon, the two prepared their dishes to the judges. As Ritsuka, Mashu, and Da Vinci looked at Shirou and Beni-enma's dishes, they were in marvel at how beautiful they looked despite being common dishes.
"Wow! They look delicious!" Da Vinci exclaimed.
"No kidding!" Mashu said.
"Yeah. Now then, I'm going to try Beni-enma's dish first then," Ritsuka said as he took a bite from Beni-enma's dish. Mashu and Da Vinci soon followed Ritsuka as well. As the judges took a bite, the flavors of the ginger pork instantly hit them in their mouths. "Wow! This is good!" Ritsuka exclaimed.
"Yeah! The taste of the pork really does go through your mouth!" Mashu exclaimed.
"And this flavor...you added sugar to this, didn't you Beni-enma?" Da Vinci asked.
"That's right," Beni-enma replied.
Eventually, the judges finished Beni-enma's dish and were satisfied with the result.
"That was a great dish Beni-enma!" Ritsuka exclaimed happily.
"Yeah! The pork and veggies tasted amazing!" Mashu said with a smile on her face.
"I wouldn't agree more with Ritsuka and Mashu!" Da Vinci exclaimed.
As Beni-enma heard the praise coming out from the judges, she looked at Shirou and thought, "Well then...let's see what you have to offer Emiya Shirou..."
"Good luck my younger self..." Archer/EMIYA thought.
Soon, the judges had their eyes on Shirou's dish.
"Wow! Shirou's dish is a katsudon!" Ritsuka exclaimed.
"It looks beautiful!" Mashu said.
"Let's see if it tastes good as it looks..." Da Vinci said.
Soon, the group of judges took a bite of Shirou's katsudon and in an instantly, their faces went into pure happiness the moment the food touched their mouths.
"This is delicious! I never had a katsudon this good before!" Ritsuka exclaimed.
"Yeah! Shirou's cooking doesn't seem to let down either!" Da Vinci exclaimed.
"Definitely! It's going to be hard to choose who's better!" Mashu said as she took another bite of her katsudon.
Soon, like what happened with Beni-enma's dish, the group of judges were finished with Shirou's dish.
And like before, they were satisfied with the food as well.
Which made things hard for the judges.
Because both dishes were equally good, and they couldn't tell which one was better.
After a few minutes of thinking and consulting with one another, the judges came with one conclusion.
"After a few minutes of consulting, we have come to decision," Ritsuka said.
Shirou, Archer/EMIYA, and Beni-enma listened, wanting to know what the results are.
And the decision was something they did not expect.
"We have decided...that the result of the match...is a tie..." Ritsuka said.
"What?!" they thought in unison.
Before anyone could say anything, both Da Vinci and Mashu explained their reasons why the result was a tie.
"Well...you see...both dishes were so good...that it was hard to tell which was better..." Mashu nervously said.
"Yeah. And the amount of hard work put into it, as an artist, I can feel the amount of heart and soul put into it," Da Vinci said.
"So...can both of you please...accept this...?" Ritsuka asked with a hint of begging.
For a moment, nobody didn't say anything.
"Oh god, I think I have a bad feeling about this..." Ritsuka thought.
However, things went differently from what Ritsuka thought would happen.
Because Beni-enma started laughing.
"Hahahahahaha! Well then, never thought that this match would end in a tie!"
Beni-enma then turned to Shirou.
"Emiya Shirou, you clearly have shown me that you can handle Chaldea's kitchen! Therefore, I accept you as one of my rivals!" Beni-enma said heartfully.
"So that's means..." Shirou said.
"Yes. You are not banned from the kitchen."
Both Shirou and Archer/EMIYA sighed, now knowing that the worst-case scenario in their minds was adverted.
"So, what do we do now? Want to have a rematch?"
"Maybe later, but right now, there's a battle I need to head to."
"Oh really? And what kind of battle would it be?"
It was at that moment that rumbling noises were heard outside of the cafeteria.
"Oh boy, here they come..." Shirou and Archer/EMIYA thought.
In an instant, Arturia and her alternate versions stormed into the cafeteria, yelling, "SHIROU! FOOD!" with hungry gazes.
Both Shirou and Archer/EMIYA sighed. "Well, here we go again..." they muttered.
"Need some help you two?" Beni-enma asked.
Shirou smiled. "Yes please."
"Definitely," Archer said.
And the three chefs went back to the kitchen, cooking up meals for the den of lions...