8/5/2021 Update: Changed one of Ruler Arturia's lines because I screwed up on information.
Today was the last day of the vacation, and tomorrow, Ritsuka along with his servants would return to Chaldea and resume his duties.
"Well, today's is my last day of vacation...wonder what should I do next?"
However, as he was thinking, he then felt a weird feeling in the air. At that moment, he knew that the area around him wasn't safe. "What the heck...what's this weird feeling in the air...it's making me tired for some reason..."
And then, Shirou fell to the ground, sleeping.
"Is phase one complete?" a voice asked.
"Yes. Our target has fallen asleep and has been neutralized," another voice replied.
"Great. Now let's take him."
"Yeah..."
(A few hours later...)
"Wonder what we are doing here?" Arturia asked.
"I don't know. However, if Merlin told us to be here, then I got a weird feeling about this..." Arturia Alter replied.
"Merlin huh? Wonder what teacher is up to now?" Arturia Lily asked.
"Who knows? One thing for sure that it's going to involve trouble," Lancer Arturia said.
"That I can agree on," Lancer Arturia Alter said.
"Me too," Ruler Arturia said.
"Speaking of which, Irisviel is a part of this too," Archer Arturia said.
"Irisviel? Great, this can't be good..." Rider Arturia Alter asked.
"Yeah. If they are planning something together...then I have a bad feeling about this..." Santa Arturia Alter said.
"Who cares! What I want to know is why we were brought here!" Mysterious Heroine X yelled.
"So do I," Mysterious Heroine X Alter replied.
"Me too," Mysterious Heroine XX said.
"Mou...what are we doing here...?" Ishtar asked to her counterparts.
"I don't know. Form what we heard, there was going to be an event here," Ereshkigal replied.
"An event huh? I hope there is some sort of prize here..." Rider Ishtar said.
"What kind of event is this going to be...?"Parvati said.
"Who knows? Hope it's something good..." Kama said.
"Yeah. Otherwise I'll be mad..." BB said.
"Big sister. Please don't..." Passionlip said.
"Yeah. Otherwise it'll be a pain in the ass to clean up your mess later..." Meltlilith said.
"Yeah. I don't want to clean up your mess..." Kingprotea said.
"What is mama up to now?" Illya asked.
"I don't know. One thing for sure though is that there's going to be chaos," Kuro replied.
"Agreed," Sitonai said.
"Yeah," Miyu said.
"Why did Sherou's mother call all of us here? Is there something going to happen soon? And why is she here?" Astraea said as she looked at Ishtar and her counterparts.
"This amount of many people here...we might have a huge event on our hands!" Nero said excitedly.
"Umu! And it could be fun as well!" Caster Nero replied as well.
"Umu! Wonder what's the prize of an event like this?" Brider Nero asked.
"Wow...this many people gathered here..." Jeanne D'Arc said.
"Tch. I can't believe you let me drag me here. And to an event that included her as well..." Jeanne D'Arc Alter said as she glared at Arturia Alter in the distance.
"Now, now, older me. Calm down," Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily said.
"Wonder what's going to happen here..." Okita said.
"I don't know. Hopefully something fun," Okita Alter replied.
"Oh my! This amount of people here...is something big going to happen here?" Musashi said.
At the moment, Arturia and her counterparts, Ishtar and her counterparts, Parvati, Kama, BB and her sisters, Illya and her counterparts, Miyu, Astraea, Nero and her counterparts, Jeanne D'Arc and her counterparts, Okita and her counterpart, and Musashi were standing on the beach, waiting. What happened was that earlier, Irisviel along with Merlin invited them to the beach for reasons they did not want to say. When they arrived though, what they saw surprised them.
When they arrived, in front of them was a giant circle, a box of water guns, and a stage.
Right now, all of them were waiting for Irisviel and Merlin to appear, wanting to know what was going on.
Eventually, Irisviel and Merlin then appeared in front of the large group of servants on the stage. "Hi! As many of you probably recognize me, my name is Irisviel Von Einzbern! And the person that is next to me is Merlin! The Wizard of Flowers!" Irisviel exclaimed in a cheery tone.
Merlin then took a bow. "Pleased to meet all of you," he said with a smile.
Immediately, Arturia and her counterparts had a weird feeling upon seeing Merlin smile. "That smile...he's up to something for sure..."
"Anyways! I have brought all of you here for a competition!" Iriviel said.
"Competition? What kind of competition?" Arturia and her counterparts asked.
Irisviel smiled. "It's simple. See that box of water guns over there? Yeah, there are enough for everyone here and they are preloaded with water. The objective of this competition is to have the least amount of water on you. However, you can't not refill your water guns, so use them wisely! Last person with their water gun not empty is the winner!"
"I see. What's the prize?" Ishtar and her counterparts asked.
Irisviel smiled upon that hearing that question. "Merlin, if you would do the honors."
"As you wish!" Merlin then twirled his staff and then summoned something. As he did, a glass container appeared.
However, it was no ordinary glass container.
Because the glass container held Shirou inside, sleeping.
And it made everyone completely shocked.
"SHIROU?!" Arturia and her counterparts yelled.
"EMIYA-KUN?!" Ishtar and her counterparts yelled.
"SENPAI?!" Parvati, Kama, BB and her sisters yelled.
"ONII-CHAN?!" Illya and her counterparts along with Miyu yelled.
"SHEROU?!" Astraea yelled.
"MY PRAETOR?!" Nero and her counterparts yelled.
"SHIROU/SHIROU-SAN?!" Jeanne D'Arc and her counterparts yelled.
"SHIROU-SAN?!" Okita and her counterpart yelled.
"SHIROU-KUN?!" Musashi yelled.
Upon hearing the voices outside, Shirou slowly opened his eyes. "Mmph...mnph...what's with the noise...what's going on..." he muttered.
However, when he got a better view of the situation, his mind went into shock upon seeing himself in a glass container and the servants in front of him. "What the heck?! How did I get here?! Wait, the last thing I remember was falling asleep due to something weird in the air! Who's the one that put me in here?!"
Shirou then turned around and to his horror, he saw Irisviel and Merlin right next to him. "Just my luck...why?"
"Mama! What's the meaning of this?!" Illya and her counterparts alongside Miyu asked.
"Hm? Oh this? Shirou is the prize for this event," Irisviel calmly stated like there was nothing wrong.
"But why?!" Shirou yelled out.
"Well it's because despite all of those interactions I keep watching, you never made your move!" Irisviel pouted.
Shirou was surprised with what Irisviel said, especially the last part of her sentence. "Watching?! You were watching me?!"
"Yeah!"
Upon hearing Irisviel's answer, it was when that Ishtar, her counterparts, and a few others realized something.
"Wait a minute...so the traps and the rocks falling on us..." Ishtar and her counterparts said to Irisviel.
"And the shark that was coming at us..." Astraea said to Irisviel.
"And her appearance at Comiket..." Jeanne D'Arc Alter said to Irisviel.
"Yes! All of that was my doing!" Irisviel exclaimed excitedly.
Everyone nearly sweat dropped from what Irisviel just said, especially Shirou, Illya and her counterparts, and Miyu.
"Anyways! Why is Sherou the prize?! And what kind of prize is this?! And what kind of event is this?!" Astraea exclaimed.
Irisviel smiled. "Merlin. If you would please."
Merlin smirked, installing a chill in Arturia and her counterparts. "Well...this competition is known as the Holy Shirou War! And the winner of this competition...gets to keep Shirou for an entire week!"
For a moment, everyone was silent upon hearing what Merlin said. After all, he just called the competition "the Holy Shirou War" and the prize is a week of keeping Shirou.
After a few seconds has passed, Shirou decided to speak up. "Mom! What are you thinking?!" Shirou yelled out.
"What am I thinking? This is the only way to decide who gets you!" Irisviel replied with a pout.
"That's not what I'm taking about! Why did you think of an idea like this?! And why did you involve Merlin of all people?!"
Merlin let out a smile. "Well. I can't let a lovely lady like her do all the work, can I? And plus, this seemed fun!"
"That's not the point! And plus, do you think everyone here will agree to this?!"
"Well...judging by how everyone is acting...well, just look and see," Merlin replied with a sly coy on his face.
Shirou then turned around to see what Merlin was talking about. As he looked, he realized something.
Everyone was uncharacteristically quiet for a long time.
"A whole week of Shirou to myself..."
"A whole week of Emiya-kun to myself..."
"A whole week of Senpai to myself..."
"A whole week of Onii-chan to myself..."
"A whole week of Sherou to myself..."
"A whole week of my praetor to myself..."
"A whole week of Shirou/Shirou-san to myself..."
"A whole week of Shirou-san to myself..."
"A whole week of Shirou-kun to myself..."
The silence was starting to freak Shirou out a little bit. "E-Everyone...?" Shirou muttered.
Irisviel smiled. "Well?"
For a moment, the silence continued. Then there was a response from everyone.
"This match...I'll accept it!" they all said in unison.
Shirou was shocked while Irisviel and Merlin let out a smile. "All right then! Then each of you grab a water gun!" Irisviel exclaimed in excitement.
Soon, everyone started following Irisviel's command and each of them grabbed a water gun. As everyone had a water gun in their hands, Iriviel then gave the countdown.
"All right! Let the Holy Shirou War commence! Ready...go!"
Then the entire beach was turned into a war zone as everyone went up against each other in a no-holds water gun battle.
And it was intense.
"Tch...I won't lose to you!" Arturia said as she shot at her altered counterpart.
"Likewise. Shirou is mine," Arturia Alter replied as she dodged while shooting at Arturia.
"Um...I know this is a competition...but can we work together to beat the others?" Arturia Lily asked nervously.
"Sorry Lily. It pains me to bear the news, but it's a free-for all battle royal over who gets Shirou for a week," Lancer Arturia said as she shot at her altered counterpart.
"That's right. There can only be one winner here," Lancer Arturia Alter said as she kept dodging her counterpart's shooting.
"Yes. And that is me," Ruler Arturia said as she prepared herself to shoot both Lancer Arturia and Lancer Arturia Alter.
"I won't allow that to happen!" Archer Arturia said as she interfered with Ruler Arturia's actions.
"Yeah! So back off!" Rider Arturia Alter said as she tried to shoot Archer Arturia, but failed as she dodged it.
"The same goes for you too!" Santa Arturia Alter said as she began to shoot Rider Arturia Alter.
"That's it! No saber-face is going to take what's rightfully mine!" Mysterious Heroine X yelled as she began to shoot at her counterparts.
"Like I would allow you. Shirou is mine," Mysterious Heroine X Alter said as she clashed with her non-altered counterpart.
"No, he's mine!" Mysterious Heroine XX yelled as she prepared herself to shoot both Mysterious Heroine X and Mysterious Heroine X Alter.
Meanwhile, Ishtar and her counterparts were having a tussle with Astraea while Parvati, Kama, BB and her sisters were fighting amongst each other and Ilya and her counterparts along with Miyu were doing the same.
"It's about time that we settled this Astraea!" Ishtar yelled as she shot water at her.
"You can say that again! I can't leave Sherou in your hands!" Astraea replied as she did the same.
"I should say the same about you!" Rider Ishtar said.
"Um...would everyone calm down here?" Ereshkigal asked.
"No!" Both Ishtars and Astraea replied.
"Senpai is mine!" Parvati exclaimed as she shot some water at Kama.
"No. He's mine," Kama said as she dodged it.
"Fufufufu...the things I'm going to do to senpai when I win him later..." BB muttered as she began to shoot at her sisters. "Don't get in my way!"
"I-I won't allow that big sister!" Passionlip said as she dodged it.
"Yeah! And plus, you're creeping me out with your idea of things..." Meltlilith said as she did the same as Passionlip.
"Yeah. It's making me scared..." Kingprotea said as she did the same as her other sisters.
"Onii-chan is mine Kuro!" Illya yelled as she sprayed water at Kuro.
"No! He's mine!" Kuro replied as she sprayed some back.
"Hey! That's my line!" Sitonai said as she aimed at Miyu and shot some water at her.
"Even if I have to go up against you Illya, Kuro, Sitonai, I'm not losing this match," Miyu said as she dodged it.
At the same time, Nero and her counterparts were fighting against Jeanne D'Arc and her counterparts and Okita and her counterpart were fighting against Musashi.
"Umu! So, I take it that you're interested in this, Jeanne D'Arc! Just what do you hope to gain by winning this competition?" Nero asked as she clashed with Jeanne D'Arc.
"Well, I just want some more help from Shirou in math. That is all," Jeanne D'Arc replied.
"I see. And what about you Jeanne D'Arc Alter?" Caster Nero asked as she shot water at Jeanne D'Arc Alter.
"Hmph. Well...let's just say he's of great use to me..." Jeanne D'Arc Alter said as she shot water at Caster Nero. "After all, he's the one thing that my enemy is weak against...and he's perfect for art and manga references to draw..."
"And what about you, young Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily?" Bride Nero asked as she shot at Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily.
"I want Shirou to help me more! Especially when it comes to helping with my older selves!" Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily replied as she dodged it.
Bride Nero let out of smile. "Of course! After all, he is skilled in many areas! It's a shame that there can only be one winner here, but no matter! Good luck to everyone here!"
(Meanwhile, at the fight between Okita, her altered counterpart, and Musashi...)
"I can't let you win Musashi. I want to eat Shirou-san's oden for a whole week," Okita Alter said as she clashed with both her non-altered counterpart and Musashi.
Musashi smiled. "Me neither. I want to eat Shirou-kun's udon for a whole week," Musashi replied as she shot water at both of them. "And what about you Okita? Are you interested in that?"
"No! I'm not interested in that!" Okita replied as she dodged the shot of water.
"Really? Then what are you interested in with?"
"Well...I just want to have a duel with Shirou-san for once," Okita replied with a blush on her face.
At that moment, both Musashi and Okita Alter gave thought to what Okita said earlier. It was then that there was a slight change in their goals.
"Okay. First goal is to taste Shirou-san's/Shirou-kun's food, then have a duel against him later," they thought in unison.
(Back at the stage...)
"Oh my, guess the competition here seems to be a bit heated, don't you think Ms. Irisviel?" Merlin asked while drinking some water from a water bottle.
"Yes. But then again, this is what I expected from the many girls that my son has attracted!" Irisviel exclaimed excitedly. "I wonder who's going to win him..."
Merlin let out a smirk. "In my opinion, I would say the winner would be my student or any of her alternate counterparts."
"Really? What makes you think that?"
"Because they have one advantage over the rest of the girls."
"What?"
Merlin's smirk even grew larger. "He's their queen."
"Oh yeah. I remember..." Irisviel replied with a chuckle as she remembered the many times Arturia and her counterparts along with the Knights of the Round kept calling or teasing Shirou by calling him, "Queen Shirou."
"Yeah..."
Meanwhile, Shirou was just watching the entire battle in disbelief over what just happened. "W-Wow. I can't believe this is happening...speaking of which, I can't stay in this box forever!" Shirou then proceeded to trace Kanshou and Bakuya. However, to his surprise, his projections did not appear. "What the-?!"
As if on cue, Irisviel then said something to Shirou. "Oh yeah. Shirou, the box you're in now is specifically designed by Merlin to seal a magus's magefcraft away when said magus is inside. So, don't think of trying to escape out of the box."
Shirou was surprised by the timing of what she just said. "How did you-"
"Mother's intuition," she replied with a smile on her face.
Shirou was silent upon hearing this. "Jeez. I can't believe that mom actually asked Merlin to make a box to seal me in...or maybe Merlin just made this out of boredom and just gave it to her. Well, guess there's nothing that I can do right now. At least the situation hasn't gone even more weird...even though it's really weird right now."
However, as he thought that, Shirou' E-Rank luck would kick in.
Because at that moment, a certain servant arrived on the field.
And he was not happy.
"FAKER!"
Recognizing that voice, Shirou looked up to see Archer Gilgamesh, floating above the stage with an angry look on his face.
"Why of all people is he here?!" Shirou thought as he watched Archer Gilgamesh hovering over the stage.
Soon, everyone who were fighting amongst each other noticed Gilgamesh's appearance and stopped fighting for a moment. "What the heck?! Why is he here?!" they all thought.
"Oh my. Guess we have an uninvited guest crashing the party here," Irisviel said.
"It seems so," Merlin said. Then he turned to Gilgamesh. "What are you doing here Gilgamesh?"
Gilgamesh growled. "Him," he said while pointing at Shirou.
"Why?" Irisviel asked.
"Because I cannot stand his entire existence as a whole! First of all, the prize should be me, not him! Especially when it comes to Saber and her counterparts!" he yelled angrily.
"Is that so? So, what is your plan then?" Merlin asked.
"Hmph. Isn't it obvious? I'm going to kill him! That's what I'll do! And then I'll take his place as the prize!"
At that moment, everyone stopped fighting amongst each other. Even Irisviel's mood went down a little bit upon hearing Archer Gilgamesh's words.
"Oh really? Are you sure that you want to do that?"
"Yeah! With the faker trapped in that box over there, killing him will be easy!"
"Oh, I wouldn't try that, King of Heroes..." Merlin said.
"Hmph! How so?" Archer Gilgamesh asked arrogantly.
"Well-" Merlin tried to explain but was cut off.
In an instant, Irisviel used her magecraft, created a giant hand of mana, and slammed Gilgamesh into the ground, restraining him.
"What the?! Hey, release me you mongrel!" Gilgamesh angrily yelled.
"I'm sorry, but after hearing you saying that you want to kill my son, I can't let you do anything right now," Irisviel said in a calm, yet angry voice.
"Ha! Do you think that this will stop me?!"
"Hm? This? Oh no, this isn't going to stop you. It's only going to restrict you for your punishment."
"Punishment? What punishment?"
"Well, go look and see."
Gilgamesh then turned to see what was Irisviel talking about. As so, he saw Arturia and her counterparts, Ishtar and her counterparts, Parvati, Kama, BB and her sisters, Illya and her counterparts, Miyu, Astraea, Nero and her counterparts, Jeanne D'Arc and her counterparts, Okita and her counterpart, and Musashi looking at him with eyes of murderous intent.
And apparently, they all have their noble phantasms ready, preparing to unleash them on Gilgamesh.
"Everyone...truce?" Arturia and her counterparts muttered in anger.
"Truce," everyone else replied in agreement as they all planned to one thing.
Making Gilgamesh regret saying those words.
"Hey, hey, wait! How dare all of you-" Gilgamesh tried to say but was cut off from everyone as they unleashed their noble phantasms at Archer Gilgamesh.
"EXCALIBUR!" Arturia yelled.
"EXCALIBUR MORGAN!" Arturia Alter and Santa Arturia Alter yelled.
"CALIBURN!" Arturia Lily yelled.
"RHONGOMYNIAD!" Lancer Arturia and Lancer Arturia Alter yelled.
"BRIGHT EHANGWEN!" Ruler Arturia yelled.
"EXCALIBUR VIVIAN!" Archer Arturia yelled.
"HEARTBREAK MORGAN!" Rider Arturia Alter yelled.
"X-CALIBUR!" Mysterious Heroine X yelled.
"CROSS-CALIBUR!" Mysterious Heroine X Alter yelled.
"TWINMYNIAD DISASTER!" Mysterious Heroine XX yelled.
"AN GAL TA KIGAL SHE!" Ishtar yelled.
"AN GAL TA-SEVEN COLORS!" Rider Ishtar yelled.
"KUR KIGAL IRKALLA!" Ereshkigal yelled.
"TRISHULA SHAKTI!" Parvati yelled.
"KAMA SAMMOHANA! SAMASARA KAMA!" Kama yelled.
"CURSED CUPID CLEANSER!" BB yelled.
"BRYNHILDR ROMANTIA!" Passionlip yelled.
"SARASVATI MELTOUT!" Meltlilith yelled.
"AIRAVATA KING SIZE!" Kingprotea yelled.
"QUINTETT FEUER!" Illya yelled.
"KAKUYOKU SAN-REN!" Kuro yelled.
"OPUTATESHIKE OKIMUNPE!" Sitonai yelled.
"WISH UPON A STAR!" Miyu yelled.
"CUSTOS MORUM!" Astraea yelled.
"LAUS SAINT CLAUDIUS!" Nero yelled.
"LAUDA LENTUM DOMUS ILLUSTRIUS!" Caster Nero yelled.
"FAX CAELESTIS!" Bride Nero yelled.
"LUMINOSITE ETERNELLE!" Jeanne D'Arc yelled.
"LE GRONDEMENT DE LA HAINE!" Jeanne D'Arc Alter yelled.
"LA CRACE FILLE NOEL!" Jeanne D'Arc Alter Santa Lily yelled.
"MUMYOU SANDAN-ZUKI!" Okita yelled.
"ZEKKEN! MUKYUU SANDAN!" Okita Alter yelled.
"RIKUDOU GORIN-KURIKARA TENSHOU!" Musashi yelled.
Realizing the situation he was in, Merlin then quickly grabbed both Irisviel and the captive Shirou. "Well, time to leave!"
And then he teleported to a safe place, leaving Archer Gilgamesh to his fate.
"DAMN YOU!" he yelled angrily.
And Archer Gilgamesh was buried under the lights of the noble phantasms.
"Phew. That was close," Merlin said as he teleported himself, Irisviel and Shirou somewhere safe, far away from the beach.
"Yeah. It was sure lucky of us that we didn't get caught in the blast radius," Irisviel replied.
"You can say that again."
"Um...is the battle over?" Shirou asked.
"Good thing to ask. Merlin, is the one-sided slaughter is over?"
"Well, looks like it's completely silent now. I don't see any explosions either."
"Great. Let's go back then," Irisviel said.
Soon, Merlin teleported himself, Irisviel, and Shirou back to where they were before. As they did, what they saw completely shocked them.
The entire stage was ruined, blown to bits. Not only that, but a portion of the beach was blown off as well. As for everyone, there were all passed out, lying on the ground.
"Wow...I did not expect this much destruction..." Merlin muttered in awe.
"Yeah. But you know what they say, love is always a hurricane," Irisviel replied.
"You can say that again. Anyways, do we have a winner here?"
Irisviel let out a sigh. "Well...looks like everyone is knocked out, so that means the Holy Shirou War has ended in a tie."
"I see. Well that was a disappointment."
"Um...I don't want to interrupt the conversation you two are having...but can you let me out of the box now?"
"Hm? Oh yeah," Merlin replied. Merlin then chanted a spell that made the box disappeared, freeing Shirou.
"Thank you," Shirou said.
"Your welcome. Now then...what are we going to do here...?" Merlin said as he, Shirou, and Irisviel looked at the scenery in front of them.
"Well...we're going to have to clean up here, obviously," Irisviel replied.
Shirou sighed. This was going to be a long day cleaning up a giant mess...
And that's how the Holy Shirou War ended...
Omake
"You know, this year's vacation was pretty good," Ritsuka said as they arrived back in Chaldea.
"You can say that again senpai," Mashu replied. "Well, back to the old routine again huh?"
"Yeah..."
As Ritsuka and Mashu continued walking together in Chaldea, they came across a sight that they haven't even seen before.
It was Archer Gilgamesh...with a tan. And he was not happy.
Because of the mood he was radiating, Ritsuka and Mashu steered clear from him...along with any other servant that came across him.