Chapter 3- Reticent Heart

After he realised that, yes indeed he was attracted to Bucky Barnes, Steve ripped a page from his notebook and began to count the number of English classes that he had sat through without getting up from his seat, breaking his resolve and running his hand down Bucky's chest, grabbing the end of his tie and yanking it so that their lips met. It was what Steve was yearning to do, all the time, so each class that went by counted as a huge success for him. Especially when Bucky decided to read Shakespeare to them; the romantic tongue of Romeo Montague almost tipped him over the edge. Fortunately for Steve, Bruce intervened and helped him to calm himself down. After that little incident, he had been mocked endlessly. Luckily for Steve, only Natasha had noticed him stirring in his jeans and decided not to comment on it.

After his last conversation with Bucky, he had realised something. Well, Clint had noticed something. Steve had initially taken it in jest, but had started to dwell on it as days passed him by.

Bucky was looking at him just as much as he was looking at Bucky.

From the way he was looking, Bucky wanted him just as much as he wanted his teacher.

And Steve didn't really know how to take that. What was he supposed to do? Go up to his teacher and tell him that he felt the same way and thought that they should find someplace quiet to talk? No, that wasn't going to happen. Steve was never that outgoing and he would never be that confident around somebody that he had some kind of feelings for. It just wasn't something that Steve was comfortable doing. He was comfortable around Bucky, though, as teachers went. Their earlier conversation had made Steve a little more relaxed, even if Bucky did give off some strange vibes.

Steve was sat with Tony and Thor in the cafeteria during a free period, sighing about his predicament. "This is torture! I want nothing more than to be with my English teacher. What is that all about? I'm going to be on the news."

"Let's put it this way," Tony said, "if Mr. Barnes was to approach you and proposition you, would you do something about it?"

Steve was surprised at the lack of jokes in Tony's reply. "I don't know. I mean, there's no denying that I want him, but it's wrong. He's my teacher. He could go to jail if somebody was to find out about us. I don't want that for him."

Thor nodded. "I can't say that what you'd be doing wasn't frowned upon, but you can't deny your heart, Steve. You're young, you need to let it guide you and deal with the repercussions afterwards."

Steve smiled. "So are you going to go after Jane Foster?"

Thor growled. "Dude, shut up."

Steve shrugged. "I'm just telling you to use your own advice! Look, she's right over there! If it's so easy to let your heart guide you, go over there and have lunch with her. I'm sure she would appreciate the company."

Thor dropped his apple and scoffed. "I can do that. You're lucky we're friends, Steven, or else I would have had to bring the thunder." Thor got up from his seat and made his way over to Jane's table. Steve saw her blushing hard and smirked to Tony.

"They'll be together by next week. So what about you in this Virginia girl?"

"Her name is Pepper," Tony growled and promptly closed his mouth.

"Pepper? I thought her name was…oh, I see. Does she enjoy puns as much as you do, Anthony?"

Tony groaned. "That is not my name!"

"It so is. Your father showed me your birth certificate as proof. Anthony Edward Stark. Anthony and Virginia sounds so much better than Pepper and Tony. Hey, you could call yourselves pepperoni!" Steve chuckled at his own joke.

"I need better friends," Tony scowled and vacated his seat, making sure to clap Thor on the back for support as he left. Steve realised that Thor wasn't returning to the table anytime soon, so he made his way to the library to do some reading before English class, which had rapidly become his least favourite subject. Well, no he was lying. It was still his favourite, but it was the one subject where he had to fight to pay attention to something other than the tight fit of his teacher's pants.

"Oh, hey, Steve," Bucky smiled as they passed.

Steve forced a smile back. God he's looking even hotter today than he was yesterday. No, focus Steve, stop staring at him. He's going to think you're insane. "Hey, Bucky, sir." Why did I say that? Calling him 'sir' is what I think about when I think about that and I do not want to be thinking about that right now. Oh, his lips are moving…god, those lips. No. He's clearly speaking to me.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

You're an idiot, Rogers.

"I was asking you what you thought of A Doll's House. Not a lot of your peers had positive reactions to it."

Steve smiled. Literature was something he could talk about without making it about sex. Well, most of the time. "I liked it. It was progressive in a way that I didn't expect it to be at the beginning. The later parts were quite the twist."

Bucky beamed widely. "At least I know I'll have one student paying full attention during analysis."

You got that right. Although I might not be paying attention to your words.

"Absolutely! I love hearing you talk about plays," Steve blurted, cursing himself for doing so afterwards.

Bucky nodded passively. "Great. I'll see you in class, okay?"

"You definitely will!" Steve let his mouth say before he clasped it shut. I am never allowed to say words ever again. Capiche?

"Dude, that was hard to watch," Clint remarked from behind him. "I was going to come by and rescue you, but…"

"But you wanted to see me become an awkward simpleton and tell our friends about it?" Steve guessed accurately. Clint shrugged.

"Nothing exciting ever happens in my life, okay? I need your awkwardness to maintain my cool factor."

"You're an idiot, Barton. Though Thor is finally talking to Jane, so we might have some more things to tease him about."

Clint shook his head, grinning. "That's easy, Jane's been into him since freshman year, they're obviously going to hook up without a hitch."

"As opposed to me and my fucking English teacher?" Steve hissed back.

Clint smirked. "You keep finishing all of my sentences, Steve."

"You're too predictable."

"Nothing wrong with that. It means I know what I want."

"Like Maria Hill?"

Clint blushed. "No."

"Go for it, dude. You're a jock, she's a cheerleader. It's practically written in the stars."

Clint leaned against the wall, his face relaxed. "Whatever, you know, it's cool. Maybe, maybe not."

"You're such a dork," Steve chuckled, shaking his head before leaving Clint for the library.

I'm an hour away! Can one of the others give you a ride? Totally forgot, man, I'm so sorry!

Steve stared at the text from Thor with a sigh. The rain fell onto the ground in front of him, the shelter causing it to bounce away onto the concrete. He weighed up his situation.

Thor was god knows where with Jane an hour away from the school.

Natasha, Bruce and Clint ditched last period to go and eat somewhere, but Steve had refused the offer due to wanting to attend Bio. Now that seemed like a stupid idea.

Tony had also ditched, but to go and meet Pepper as her school day ended. He was hanging at her place until her parents got back. Steve didn't need to know the rest.

He knew that he could always walk home, but it would have taken him at least an hour and he wasn't dressed for the rain. The bus was out, simply because he hated how crowded it was.

Until, fortuitously, his saviour showed up, honking a horn and rolling down the car window.

"Hey! Need a ride?"

Steve looked up at the voice, Bucky all but poking his head out of the window to call him. Steve panicked internally, but stayed stoic on the outside. He nodded, smiling and sprinted for the passenger side, climbing in immediately, holding his bag on his lap in case something problematic happened while in a confined space with the subject of his dirtiest fantasies.

"Thanks for this. Somehow I got stuck without a ride home."

Bucky smiled. "You're lucky I'm not staying behind to grade papers. I almost committed myself to it, but an impulse told me to go home. Well, not impulse. I've got a DVR full of Criminal Minds to watch."

Steve didn't really know what to say. "I guess I am."

"So where are we heading?"

Steve rattled off the directions as Bucky continued to drive, glancing at Steve every few seconds. Steve noticed because he was doing the same thing.

The ride was silent, filled with tension that neither of them were willing to break. Steve had nothing to say and Bucky was having a hard enough time concentrating on the road as it was. The windshield wipers were the only source of noise inside the car as Bucky had not turned on the radio.

Eventually, they got to Steve's place, Bucky parking the car abruptly, making Steve actually notice that they were where they needed to be.

"Well, um, thanks for the ride."

"No problem," Bucky replied coolly, when he was really thinking about how said he was that Steve was leaving his company.

"I really appreciate it," Steve said as his hand automatically reached out to touch Bucky's knee. He squeezed it, his brain acting without checking with him first.

What are you doing? Oh my God, what have you done?

Bucky's eyes widened but, instead of jerking away, he rested his hand on top of Steve's gently, smiling. "It's really no problem," he said.

Before he knew it, Bucky had tucked his hand behind Steve's back and was pulling him in closer for a deep kiss.

Steve's body finally caught up to his brain as he lips moved seamlessly alongside Bucky's. The heat rushed straight to his groin as he realised what was happening.

I'm kissing Bucky. I'm kissing Bucky. I'm kissing my English teacher.

Steve pulled himself away, knowing that he would keep going and he didn't want that in a cramped car. "That happened."

"It did. Did you…um, like it?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah. I didn't think that you would have wanted that."

"Are you kidding? Teaching your class is the hardest thing I've ever done. You sit there, all broad and gorgeous and I'm expected not to stare at you for an hour?"

Steve did a double take. "Wait, you've been…looking at me too?"

"Too?" Bucky smirked.

"Of course. How could I not?"

Steve's phone buzzed, ruining whatever kind of moment they were having. It was Thor, but Steve decided he would pick up later. It wasn't really a good time.

"Anything important?"

"No, I'll just call back later. What were we talking about?"

"The fact that we've been trying not to stare at each other for two weeks."

Steve chuckled. "I have to look at you, you're the teacher. I have to seem like I'm paying attention."

Bucky nodded, somewhat put out. "That's right. I am your teacher. God, this was wrong, I shouldn't have done this. You're my student!"

"I'm eighteen," Steve mumbled, but it was lost in Bucky's anxious mind.

"That doesn't matter, I could go to jail and lose my job…you'd come off badly too. We shouldn't do this, Steve. Don't you agree?"

Steve sighed. "I suppose what I wanted got in the way of reality. I know that I like you, but if things are too much, then I'll back off. If you say no, it's done."

Bucky chewed his gums painfully, like he always did when he was nervous or hurting. "I…wish things weren't like this. Maybe when you graduate…"

Steve smiled. "Yeah. Maybe." He was desperately trying to hide the fact that he wasn't okay with putting his feelings aside. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Barnes." Steve got out of the car quickly before anything else could be said. The rain poured down on his head as he thought about what had just happened.

Pulling out his phone, he dialled the first number on his contacts screen.

"Bruce? Can you call the others and come over as soon as you can?"

"Is everything alright, Steve?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, I just need you guys right now."

"We'll be there as soon as we can. Sit tight, buddy."

And Steve tried to do exactly that, banishing all thoughts of Bucky from his mind.

The more he tried, the more he failed.