Chapter 5- Facing Facts

"You…really weren't supposed to see that," Steve mumbled as Bucky became more engrossed in the image of the two of them.

"You're really good," Bucky countered, saying one of the only appropriate things that came to his mind when he needed words. Steve's artistic talent was possibly more advanced than his academics and that was saying something. The finer details of their faces had been captured perfectly and Bucky found himself with the urge to keep the picture to look at whenever he got sad. He knew that he couldn't in case anybody discovered it, but the allure was quite potent. Steve's art spoke for itself; he was bitter yet sad at the same time and that made Bucky quite uneasy. He didn't want to completely alienate Steve, he wanted…something with Steve. Something that he was perpetually reminded that he couldn't have.

"Thank you," Steve whispered as Bucky reluctantly handed the drawing back to him. "I wasn't really sure why I started to draw it, but I guess it's obvious, isn't it?"

Bucky's breath hitched as Steve took a step closer to him. "Is it?"

"Of course it is. I miss you, Bucky. I haven't stopped thinking about what happened in your car since it happened. I can't get you out of my head."

"You're not angry with me?"

"Do I seem angry with you?"

"Well, Natasha certainly seemed angry."

"I'm not Nat, Bucky. She's fiercely protective of me. I was her first ever friend and that means a lot to her. I'm sorry about the way she spoke in class."

"No, I probably deserved it, if not more. I made you think that there was something between us and then I cut you off. Not my finest moment, Steve."

"But there is something between us. I know you still feel it, you have to. I know I'm not on my own here."

"You're…you're not. Okay, you're not. I still feel something for you. But you know why I can't act on it."

"Your career, I know."

"You know, I thought about applying to teach at another school."

"You did? Just so we could be together? I don't know what to say."

"I don't know what you should say either. Look, Steve, I really like you. You're hot, you're smart, you have ambition. We have a genuine spark and I've never felt something so strong before. I'd give anything for you to not be my student."

"I'd give anything for you to not be my teacher, but these are the cards we've been dealt. We have to find a way to deal with them. I'd like to deal with them together."

"Steve…"

"This can work, I know it can. Nobody has to know, Bucky. I won't even tell my friends, it'll just be between us."

"What you're suggesting is extremely risky. I could lose my job, you'd get a reputation."

"I don't care about that!" Steve said, surprising himself somewhat. "Last night, after I left your car, I realised how much I've come to care for you in such a short space of time. And that kiss. I've kissed before, but nothing like that."

"I know, for me too. I…can't ignore the risks, Steve, but I also can't ignore how I feel about you."

"So what are you saying?"

Bucky sighed deeply. "I'm saying that I want to make a go of this. I want us to be something, together."

"What about your job?"

"So we won't get caught," Bucky shrugged. "We're certainly both smart enough to make something like this work. I just know that I can't go on with my life without you in it. I can't only see you from behind my desk when you're answering questions about Chaucer and Ibsen with a mouth that I've kissed."

Steve blushed suddenly. "It's not much fun watching you read century-old dialogue with a mouth that I've kissed either. It just makes me want to kiss you again."

"What are you doing tonight?"

Steve stared.

"I'm sorry was that really forward of me? I'm sorry, I just…"

"I'm not doing anything tonight. Did you have something in mind?"

"I want you to come over."

"To your house?"

Bucky nodded. "I mean, if you don't…want to…we can do something else. You know, far away from this town and anyone we've ever met. We'll have to be smart about this. Steve, I want to ask you one last time because sneaking around seems hot but it just causes trouble along the line. Do you want to start something? I couldn't bear it if you backed out because of the messing around."

Steve bit his lip. "Bucky, I'm sure about this. I want to be with you. I'm not going to regret his anytime down the line because this is what I want. And if things get tough, I'll remember how I'm feeling this very moment. What I'm feeling for you."

Bucky looked at the door, eyes laced with paranoia.

Steve sighed. "I suppose it wouldn't be wise if I kissed you right now, would I? Somebody could walk in at any moment." He bit his lip lightly.

"Don't do that," Bucky groaned. "You biting your lip has to be the hottest I've ever seen. I don't know how much longer I can go without kissing you, Steve."

Steve took a step closer. "You know you can resist, Bucky."

Bucky looked away. "What are you trying to do to me?"

Steve took another step closer. "Test your restraint…if we're going to work this out, you need to be able to hold out when I'm close to you. I know I can, but can you?"

Bucky's breath hitched dangerously, voice going lower. "Steve. Fuck, Steve, I need you. No, I can do this, I can hold out. I have to be able to. But when you're in class and you're concentrating on the book...jesus, Steve, that gets me so hot."

Steve smirked. "Literature makes you horny? Interesting to know...Is foreplay gonna involve me reciting iambic pentameter to you to make you hard?"

Bucky shuddered. "You realise the position you've put me in right now, Steve? I'm hard at school. In my classroom, where I teach the rest of your peers."

Steve stepped closer still. "Don't tell me that that doesn't turn you on more than Chaucer ever could…"

Bucky pretended to be nonchalant. "I'm perfectly indifferent."

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you're supposed to be at lunch right now, but instead you're talking dirty to your English teacher. How does that make you feel, Steve?"

Steve shrugged, trying something. "I don't know, Mr. Barnes, I kind of like it."

Bucky winced. "God damn it, I can't win with you, can I?" Until Bucky realised that he could. "You know, I don't really appreciate the way you've been talking to me, Mr. Rogers. I'm your teacher and a little respect should be due, don't you think?"

Steve stood up straight, catching on. "Oh...yes, Mr. Barnes, absolutely. I'll be sure to show you some more respect in the future, sir."

Bucky ignored the way he felt about Steve calling him sir and licked his lips. "Good. I think that detention after school should suffice as a punishment, don't you?"

Steve nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll be there."

Bucky nodded to the door. "Yes you will be. Now and go and have lunch with your friends, Steve. I'll see you later on. Meet me after classes and I'll give you the address," he added in a low whisper.

As soon as Steve left the classroom, he wasn't much use to anybody from that moment on. His head was filled with Bucky, Bucky and more Bucky. Even as his friends talked to him about the delay in him getting to lunch, he blocked everything out. All of their voices became blurs and all of his responses were automated, unthinking. He could have said absolutely anything to them and he wouldn't have been aware of it at all.

"I hope you yelled at him, Steve," Nat spoke during the silence.

Steve hummed, looking up at her. "What? Oh, yeah, sure, I really gave it to him."

Clint and Thor nodded, but Bruce frowned.

"You didn't at all, did you?"

Steve blinked a few times before pouting. "How did you know?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Because it's you, Steve. You were never going to have it out with him. Any slight kindness on his part and you go all putty in his hands. I suppose you've forgiven him."

Tony scoffed. "Of course he has. It's young love at its worst."

"I was kind of expecting you guys to support me with this."

Clint sighed. "We do support you, Steve always, you know that. We just don't…"

"We don't want to see you hurt again. Last night was hard for us to watch, Steve. We hate seeing you like this," Natasha finished for him.

"I know this must be frustrating for you guys. I know how I felt last night, but surely if there's a chance of me finding true happiness, that you would all be on board with that."

The other five looked at each other warily. Steve watched their glances with a curious expression.

"Now I need to know what you're all thinking. No matter how bad it is, I just need to know, okay?"

And Steve knew from the moment it happened, it was going to be Natasha who spoke the words that they were all thinking.

"Steve, we just think that there's no way that this whole thing is going to end well. Look, we love you and we know that Bucky is a good guy, but this whole combination was always going to crumble around you."

"And you think I'm stupid for going after it, something that is going to make me genuinely happy. Well thank you all for your support. No, really, it means a lot to know that the people I care about most in the world don't actually want me to be happy."

Steve sighed dramatically and walked away from the table, leaving his lunch untouched. He could spend the hour studying and then stay silent through all of his classes where he was sat next to his friends. He didn't understand why they were being so unwilling to let him be happy. He knew the risks more than anybody, especially his friends. He knew what he was getting himself into and he knew what would happen should it all go wrong.

But wasn't the chance at total happiness worth the risk?

Steve rather thought it was.