Chapter 5: Stupid [Hero(es)]
Chapter Summary: Following an exchange of verbal blows, Team 7 and Tazuna's Family continue to cope with their situation.
Sunset
The rest of the day at the bridge was uneventful. As all the workers went on home near sunset, Sakura latched onto Tazuna's hand, letting him guide her back to his home.
Upon reaching the house, they walked in and kicked off their shoes.
Tazuna shouted, "I'm home! Tsunami, Inari!".
Tsunami shouted back, "Hey there, Tazuna! I'm just cooking up dinner, okay?".
Inari was already sitting in the living room, watching TV. He shouted, "Hi, Grampa!".
Kakashi, dressed in a robe as he lied on the couch, greeted, "Hey there, Tazuna!".
Tazuna's smile faded.
Is that my robe he's wearin'?
Sakura hopped over to Kakashi.
"Sensei, is Naruto back yet?".
Kakashi shook his head.
"No, but he should be back right about... Now.".
Just as Kakashi finished his sentence, Naruto came storming into the house.
He stopped, placed the yarrow on the foyer table, and kicked off his shoes, before once again running across the floor.
He circled around the ground floor of the house, before making his way into the kitchen.
"Tsunami, am I late for dinner?!".
"No, Naruto, you're right on time...".
Kakashi smirked and told Sakura, "A guy's gotta eat.".
Sakura frowned.
That's how he knew when Naruto was going to come back? What a dick!
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Dinnertime
As the group finished their dinner, Tazuna took the opportunity to apologize to Kakashi.
He stated, "Kakashi, the bridge is going to take a while yet to be constructed. Gato's putting the damn squeeze on us.".
Naruto interjected, "It doesn't matter, I'll squeeze Gato's balls off if he tries to mess with ya!".
Sakura questioned him, "Do you even know where the bridge is?".
Naruto sank in his chair. "I'll squeeze the knowledge out...".
While most of the group laughed, Inari slammed the table.
He whined, "Shut up! You really think you can take on Gato?! You're no hero, no one can stop him!", tears spilling out of his eyes.
In response, Naruto stood up and closed in on Inari.
He scolded, as he himself cried, "You're a damn stupid kid, aren't ya?! Complainin' about shit and cryin' won't change a thing! At least we're trying something instead of pitying ourselves!".
Kakashi admonished, "Naruto, sit down.".
Naruto trembled as he glared at Kakashi, before running out of the house again, as Inari ran upstairs with his mother following.
Kakashi stated, "He could benefit from not being such a brat.".
Sakura scoffed.
"How could you be so cold to Naruto, Sensei? You can sit here and wait, I'm gonna go and drag him back here!".
She stomped her way to grab her raincoat, walking into the rainy woods.
Alone with Tazuna, Kakashi added, "I wasn't talking about Naruto.".
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Inari's room
Inari sat on his bed, moping.
Stupid shinobi! They're nothing! They're less than nothing! And they're stupid!
The door creaked open, and Kakashi walked in.
"Listen, Inari, we need to talk.".
"...".
"I'm guessing you think shinobi think of ourselves as some sort of superheroes, right?".
"More like stupid heroes...".
Kakashi leaned in at the edge of the bed.
"I'll tell you right now that nothing could be further from the truth. My blonde genin is only especially naive, isn't he?; it's in his nature as a child, right? I am only here to do my job, which is to keep your uncle alive until he finishes that bridge.".
The boy whined, "And what about it?! You're just a stupid robot with stupid genin!".
Kakashi chuckled.
"Naruto may present an aura of naivete, but the fact of the matter is that he's more jaded than any other kid his age. He's been through some pretty rough stuff, and he actually used to be a bit of a crier like you.".
"What kinda things?".
Kakashi's voice softened.
"There's a lot of people in our home village who hate him for something that isn't his fault... That's all I can tell you, don't feel like ruining whatever innocence you have left. Point is, Naruto used to cry on and on about it.".
"Well, what changed?".
"He realized that just crying gets you nowhere. That is, if you need to cry, just make sure you find a solution to whatever's making you cry. His head's always spinning around solutions.".
"Well... That's better than being a stupid hero...".
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Half of an Hour Later, in the Forest
Sakura traversed the forest, rain slamming against her jacket and its hood.
Should've brought an umbrella! I swear, I'm gonna kick Naruto's butt when I find him!
As she stepped through some bushes into a clearing, she spotted Naruto crying in his arms, sitting at the base of a tree.
Upon closer inspection, she noticed that blood marked the tree, as if something had been dragged across it, in various intervals.
Was he trying to walk up those trees? We learned that ages ago, he shouldn't be struggling! Unless the rain makes things different...
She walked towards the crying boy and kneeled in front of him.
She cooed, "Hey, Naruto, s-stop crying. Come back to the house, alright?".
Naruto wailed, "It's that damn Kakashi-sensei! He's been making me feel like garbage all day!".
Sakura's heart sank.
Poor guy... Really took Sensei's drilling to heart...
She assured him, "Look, Naruto, that was just stupid Sensei's stupid way of testing your principles or whatever. He's prouder of you than you think. I am, too...".
Naruto choked up on his tears, and looked up at Sakura.
"R-really?...".
Sakura caressed his cheek. "Yeah, really. Now get up, you're gonna catch a cold.".
She grabbed his arms and guided him to his feet. As soon as he rose, he grabbed her in a tight hug, crying openly onto her shoulder. Promptly, she hugged him back, and told him, "I'm here for you, Naruto, anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. You can trust me...".
Naruto clutched her tighter, to the point that it almost hurt. His crying slowly waned as Sakura breathed deeper to stay calm.
Suddenly, Sakura felt him go limp, but managed to catch him before she could fall.
He fell asleep, again?
She sighed, maneuvering her body such that she could turn around, allowing her to once again pick him up and piggyback him.
You've gotta stop doing this...
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20 Minutes Later
As the light from Tazuna's house came into view, Naruto gradually came to wake up.
He slurred, "Where am I?...".
Sakura answered, "You fell asleep on me again, idiot.".
Naruto replied, "Oh... Sorry.".
He swiftly hopped off of Sakura's back, landing on his feet. He yawned and stretched, before proclaiming, "Alright, I gotta hit the showers again, don't I?".
Sakura yawned as well, telling him, "You're not the only one...".
She wiped his face, drying off what wetness remained from his tears.
"Let's go inside.".
When they walked inside the house, after taking off their shoes, scampered into the den, where Kakashi was reading a book, still wearing Tazuna's robe.
Naruto hid himself behind Sakura, holding onto her arm, not wanting to face his sensei.
Kakashi beckoned, "So, what have you been up to all day, Naruto?".
Naruto stammered, "Uh, nothing! I gotta talk to Tsunami!".
He scurried over to the kitchen, where Tsunami was making tea.
He inquired, "Hey, Tsunami, do you know a girly-lookin' guy named Fuuka - - er, no, Ha- Haru... Naruto! No wait that's me... Um... Oh yeah, Haku! You know a questionably homosexual guy named Haku?".
The woman giggled and responded, "No, Naruto; I've never even heard of him. Do you need something from him?".
The boy answered with a lie of omission, "Well, he's jus' some guy I met out in the wild. I was curious about him...".
"Maybe you could ask your sensei?".
"No way, he'd probably say something stupid and make me feel like a retard for askin'. He can go sit on a cactus for all I care!".
"If you say so...".
Silence quickly filled the air.
Naruto twiddled around as Tsunami stared at him, almost as if she expected him to continue the conversation.
The boy started blushing.
This is awkward! But I can't just leave! That'd be rude! I just need a legitimate excuse...
Naruto squeaked, "I gotta go shower, bye!".
He darted out of the kitchen, dashing upstairs to the second floor of the house.
Upon reaching the hallway, he decided he'd take a dump before showering, so he rushed to the bathroom door and opened it...
Only to bump into Sakura's back.
As Naruto recuperated, he saw that Kakashi was standing in front of the shower door, still robed, with his arms crossed.
"I'm sure you've been wondering why Inari is such a little buzzkill...".
Naruto countered, "I really don't. And what's the big deal blockin' the bathroom?!".
Sakura pinched Naruto's lips shut.
"Don't even go there, Naruto. You wouldn't believe the filth that comes out of this man's mouth...".
She then let go, leaving Naruto dazed and confused.
Kakashi continued, "Now, I'm sure you've noticed that Inari has no father - - this is not because he's Jesus Christ. Inari's father - - Tazuna's son, Kaiza - - was an underground rebel against Gato, the man who rules this land. He always told Inari to fight for what's right, no matter what, and that this perseverance would lead him to win over his peers and succeed in life. Long story short, Kaiza was found and captured by Gato, tortured and dismembered, and crucified in the town square. Despite the very public execution, no one helped Kaiza, nor has there been justice for him thus far. To Inari, this created the perception of justice as a false ideal. Got it?".
Naruto shrugged.
"What does that have to do with us?".
Kakashi sighed.
"I want you two, along with Sasuke, to prove that justice does exist in this world. I'll be training you starting tomorrow, and we'll rotate guard shifts at the bridge until it's finished. I've spoken with Tazuna; Gato supposedly isn't aware of what the is bridge will do for the Land of Waves...".
Naruto scoffed.
"Sounds like some pseudo-patriotic bullshit to me.".
Kakashi rolled his eyes.
"Drop the act, Naruto. I know you care about this place.".
Naruto scoffed again, feigning apathy as Kakashi left the bathroom and proceeded to go back downstairs.
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Midnight
Same as the night before, Naruto and Sakura were crawled into bed at opposite ends.
Sakura commanded, "It's still cold, so we can... share body heat if you want...".
Naruto responded, "Sure... Y'know, there should really be a shorter word for that.".
Sakura blushed.
There totally is, but I'm not gonna say it!
As the two cuddled again, Naruto curled up, latching onto Sakura.
As he began to sink in the soft warmth emanating from Sakura, he began to speak.
"I...".
Sakura tensed up.
What's he gonna say?
She waited for him to finish his sentence, but no such thing happened.
Instead, she felt him go limp yet again.
I swear, he falls asleep first on purpose...
Sakura sighed, and shuffled closer to Naruto, unconsciously landing a kiss on his cheek before resting her head.
Why did I just do that?
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The Next Morning
As Naruto and Sakura had gotten dressed for the day, Kakashi stood in their doorway.
"Grab your coats, we're going to do some outdoor activities today.".
Naruto sheepishly told him, "About that... I kinda sorta forgot to bring a jacket...".
Kakashi blankly stared. "Then your punishment for oversight is to freeze.".
Sakura interjected, "H-hold on... I'm not really fond of the idea, but... Naruto, you can wear one of my jackets, okay?".
Naruto stammered, "Wh-wh-- a girl's jacket?! No way!".
Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Well, my coat wouldn't fit you, just as Tazuna's wouldn't, nor Tsunami's or Inari's. And we all know for a fact that Sasuke won't be so charitable. So you'll either wear Sakura's coat, or you'll freeze. Your choice.".
Naruto muttered, "Not much of a choice...".
Kakashi smiled and replied, "I'll be waiting downstairs.", as he left the room.
Naruto turned to Sakura and ashamedly said, "Thank you, for letting me borrow your jacket.".
Sakura joked, "It's my pleasure - - Imagine the black mark on my record if I let a teammate die on frostbite.".
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River Bank, an Hour Later
Team 7 watched the river calmly flowing.
Kakashi wore a leather jacket, zippered most of the way up. Sasuke wore a cashmere sweater. Naruto and Sakura wore matching pink buttoned-up leather coats.
Kakashi announced, "Today, we will learn to walk on water.".
To demonstrate, he walked onto the shallow water, to the other end of the bank, turned around, and told the genin, "See? Easy.".
Naruto and Sasuke immediately fixated their vision on Sakura.
Upon noticing this, the girl groaned, "Fine, I'll go first!".
Taking care to start with a single foot, she stepped onto the water.
So far, so good.
She then brought her other foot onto the water, and it nearly dipped. Luckily, however, she avoided panic, brought it back up, and balanced it.
She then sprinted across the river to stand next to Kakashi and said, "I did it!".
Sasuke whined, "She's just got good chakra control...".
Kakashi responded, "This isn't just good chakra control, Sasuke. Sakura is an expert in logistics; even I need to make sure I'm balancing my chakra consciously when I do this.".
Naruto stepped closer to the river, analyzing the flow.
Before stepping in, he opted for an inquiry.
He asked Sakura, "Hey, Sakura, how's this any different from walkin' up a tree?".
Sakura answered, "Well, a tree is a solid surface, so it doesn't change its shape. That makes it easier to balance the chakra since it's a constant, unchanging value. Water is liquid, and is constantly changing shape, so you need to get a feel of the changing flow and fluctuate your chakra based on that.".
Naruto groaned, "This is gonna be hard...".
Kakashi told him, "Nothing good comes easy.".
The blonde sighed. "Whatever...".
He gulped.
Alright, just gotta...
He brought the sole of his foot onto the surface of the water.
Despite his best efforts to the contrary, his foot just dipped in after being attached for less than a second.
Darn.
He sighed.
He brought his foot back, and tried to attach it to the surface of the water.
Just like before, his foot dipped into the water.
How am I gonna do this? The shape of the water just keeps changing!
Kakashi spoke, "Just keep on trying, Naruto. You too, Sasuke.".
So, Sasuke also stepped up to try water-walking.
He taunted, "Tch, shouldn't be as hard for me as it is for this moron.".
Naruto shot back, "Then just do it already! Unless you're scared.".
Sasuke countered, "We both know who the coward is between the two of us.".
He walked forward, and unintentionally mimicked Naruto.
As such, Sasuke found himself unable to walk on the water.
Shit.
Naruto mocked, "Looks like you're just as bad at this as I am!".
Sakura goaded, "Either way, I've got it down first!".
Kakashi commanded, "Then do it for the next half-hour.".
Sakura pouted.
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Half of an Hour Later
While Naruto and Sasuke continously tried and failed to walk on the water, Sakura had made dozens of laps back and forth, resting every so often to cope with exhaustion.
When she returned to the end of the river where Naruto and Sasuke were stuck, Naruto approached her.
He looked around, as if someone might be listening in. For extra safety, he cupped his hands and leaned all the way in, speaking in a hushed tone. He whispered, "Sakura... Got any advice for this?".
Humoring the boy, Sakura mimicked his actions, whispering back, "For lack of a better phrase, you have to accept the changing flow, rather than force yourself to adjust to it or vice versa. I know it sounds confusing, but when you get it down, it'll make sense.".
Naruto sighed. "I'll try... Thanks, Sakura.".
Kakashi called out, "Sakura, go to Tazuna's bridge; your training is done for now.".
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Tazuna's Bridge
When Sakura reached the bridge, Tazuna was visibly surprised.
He inquired, "Tsunami told me you and yer team were trainin' - - what brings you here? Where's the other wee shits?".
Sakura flipped her hair and told him, "I've surpassed them. That's right, Sensei said my training is done for the day.".
The man joked, "Oh, was it a dishwashin' lesson?", prompting some workers nearby to guffaw.
Sakura put her hands on her hips and scolded, "Hey, that's sexist!".
Tazuna responded, "Ah, calm down, Lass. Ev'ryone in this land makes those kinds of jokes; all anyone's gotta do is make a comeback. We'll respect ya for it.".
Sakura huffed.
A comeback? How do I make a comeback to the dishwashing comment...?
She smirked.
"Alright, then. Well, the only reason I had to learn proper dishwashing is because Tsunami needs a lot of help taking care of you and your sloppy, dog behavior!".
Tazuna stumbled backwards and placed a hand on his forehead, feigning offense. "Ay, child, you've given me a complex! I'll need a therapist to heal from that one!".
Sakura joined in as the men laughed again.
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Meanwhile, in the Forest
A small hut was hidden away in the middle of the forest.
Two guards stood outside the door, which remained open.
Inside, a short, fat man with long hair, dressed in a suit and sunglasses, was admonishing his counsel, surrounded by guards.
He shouted, "Zabuza, you worthless bastard! How could you let yourself get injured, when we're so close to riches beyond our imagination?! Aren't you getting paid enough?! Do you want me to take the boy for my own?!".
In front of the man, Zabuza was lying on a fur mattress, as Haku knelt by the far side, tending to him.
Zabuza replied, "Calm yer fat tits, Gato. It's better that I've been injured now; gives me ample opportunity to plan and prepare for the reappearance of that damned Kakashi. Besides, I'll be up and ready just in time for your stupid plan.".
Gato grumbled, "If ya don't, everything we've been workin' for goes to shit!".
He turned around and waddled out of the room, with his guards inside and outside in tow.
After the men left, Zabuza turned to Haku.
"You did good staying your blade, kid. See how smoothly everything goes when you just listen to me?".
Haku responded, "Of course, Zabuza...".
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Sunset
As Sakura has already taken her pre-dinner shower, Naruto found himself able to comfortably waste his time inside the guest room bathroom tub.
As water rained upon him, the gears in his head began to turn.
All this water pouring from the showerhead.. It's almost like a mini river, isn't it? And as such, the water is gonna flow like a river, but infinitesimally smaller. Beyond that, it's a constant flow. Therefore...
Naruto lifted his right foot, and brought it back down just above the water.
He tried to balance the chakra in his feet with the flowing water.
Elation ran through his body when he felt the sole of his foot stick to the water, as if it were adhesive.
Eureka! Now, if the logic tracks...
Naruto brought up his left foot, and similarly brought it down above the water, balancing his chakra again.
The pre-attachment sensation should be familiar... This'll be easier than the other foot.
However, just as he felt his foot nearly attach to the water...
BANG BANG BANG
Sasuke shouted through the door, "Yo, fag-boy! Dinner's almost ready - - get your ass out of the shower!".
Following this was a loud THUD from the shower.
Naruto had stumbled and fallen down.
Damn it! Stupid Sasuke! Stupid stupid stupid!
Naruto yelled to Sasuke, "Could you have done that any more dickishly?! Asshole!".
Sasuke argued, "'Dickishly' isn't a word, retard!", and turned around to leave.
Naruto grumbled.
With a teammate like that, who needs enemies?
As he got up, he noticed that the running water had turned red.
Kool-aid?
He kneeled, and as he did, noticed blood pouring down from above his eyesight.
Wait, that's my blood! From my forehead!
Naruto panicked, and rose to his feet.
He rubbed his hand in Sakura's spare soap - - he'd forgotten his own - -, and spread it across his forehead, splashing water on it to clean the wound.
Shouldn't that damn fox be healin' this?
As if the fox had heard him, the wound suddenly healed.
Naruto sighed.
I should just hurry up and get outta here.
He used Sakura's shampoo to wash his hair, her spare sponge and loofah to clean his body, and her spare towel to dry off - - although he had remembered his own towel, he was just too lazy to look for it.
Come to think of it, what would I do if Sakura wasn't so nice to me? I'd be in a real mess. Am I repaying that kindness in any meaningful way?...
Naruto felt his stomach clench.
If I'd eaten, I'd probably be throwing up right about now. What's wrong with me?
He shook his head, and proceeded to get dressed in homely clothes.
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Dinner Table
For a few minutes, the table was silent.
For once, every current inhabitant of the house was present, but everyone sensed an air of awkwardness that prevented anyone from speaking up.
However, Inari broke the silence.
He cleared his throat, looked at Naruto, and said, "I'm sorry I called you stupid. It was unkind, unintelligent, and unnecessary.".
Naruto accepted the apology, replying, "It's cool. I'm sorry for blowin' up on ya. Guess ya can't take the 'cry' out of 'crybaby', after all...".
The group chuckled, not understanding the full extent of Naruto's statement.
At least I made 'em laugh...
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After Dinner
As Naruto and Sakura sat on the couch watching TV, the door to the guest room suddenly opened.
It was Sasuke, looking sullen as ever.
He stated, "Kakashi-sense said I should come to hang out with you guys.".
Naruto sarcastically questioned, "And you listened to him?".
"Shut up.".
Sasuke approached the couch, and requested, "Can you guys move over? I need some space to sit.".
Naruto protested, "No way, we'll all be squished here, then!".
Sasuke argued, "Just move over.".
Naruto crossed his arms and dug in his heels. "No.".
Sakura rolled her eyes and groaned, "Are we really doing this again, Naruto? Just get up and move!".
The blonde whined, "But Sakuraaaaaa!".
The girl was unrelenting.
"But nothing! Stop being so difficult!".
Naruto brought his knees up, kneeling on the couch, pleading, "But I don't wanna!".
Sakura still wouldn't budge.
She hissed, "Y'know, it's times like this that I remember how much of a stupid pest you can be!".
These words pierced Naruto's heart like a dagger.
All the self-loathing, doubt, and insecurity gripped him, latching onto the teat of Sakura's rant.
Pretending he wasn't hurt, Naruto backed down.
"Fine, I'll move.".
He rolled off of the sofa and planted his buttocks onto the carpet, with his head held up by his hands.
The floor. Fitting for a pest like me.
Sasuke sheepishly approached the couch, and sat where Naruto had been before.
The trio watched TV, silent the whole time.
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Midnight
It had been long since Sasuke left the room to go to sleep, and Sakura had performed her nightly ablutions.
She was brushing her hair, humming to herself softly, when she heard a strange sound from the bathroom.
Is Naruto having some sort of bowel movement? Gross!
She tried to ignore the sound, but it continued.
It sounds more like... Moaning? Heaving? Is he being gross?
She failed to ignore it once more, as the creeping feeling came to her that the sound seemed to be beckoning.
It's like he's crying for help. Oh no, what if he's fallen?!
Sakura set her brush on the table and ran to the bathroom door.
She screeched to a halt and knocked, inquiring, "Naruto, is everything alright?".
Through the door, all she heard was, "Gwaemfnithing!", which only increased her worry.
He's fallen and he's having a stroke! At this age?! Whatever!
She grabbed the doorknob, and was pleased to find that it opened.
I can't believe I'm thinking this, but thank God he forgot something for once!
She pushed the door open, expecting to find Naruto seizing on the floor.
Instead, what she saw was Naruto pampering his face with a towel.
As Naruto wiped off his face, he spotted Sakura and began to stammer.
"A-- uh-- I--...".
Sakura took note of his face.
Those wet marks... He's been crying!
She demanded to know, "Why are you crying, Naruto?".
He lied, "I'm not!".
Not wanting to waste time, she told him, "Yes, you are. Now tell me why.".
Trembling, Naruto responded, "No. I don't want to!".
"Why not?".
"B-b-b-because you hate me and you're just gonna hurt my feelings!".
Sakura was aghast.
'Hate'? I might find him annoying sometimes, but 'hate' is way too strong a word!
She questioned, "What makes you say that?", to which he answered, "Y-you were acting nice to me and then you called me a 'pest'...".
Sakura replied, "Well, you were pestering me...".
Naruto sniffled.
"Yer still bein' mean...".
The girl scoffed.
She crossed her arms and sarcastically said, "So much for not pitying yourself...".
Naruto whined, "You're doin' it again...! Why?...".
Sakura deflected, "Doesn't matter. Let's just go to sleep already.".
Naruto shuffled his feet, and the bathroom slippers made a brushing noise across the floor.
He exited the bathroom, and timidly spoke, "I'll use a sleepin' bag... Don't wanna be annoying.".
Sakura chose not to protest, having grown tired of the boy's antics.
"Whatever...".
As she climbed into bed and tried to drift to sleep, she heard Naruto squeak yet again.
"Can I borrow your sleepin' bag? I forgot mine.".
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Through the Night
Sakura twisted and turned, recalling the events of the night.
I wasn't being mean, was I? I was being totally reasonable! I barely even said anything hurtful. Guys just don't get it. Girls have to be more aggressive in this world, it's what I learned in kunoichi class - - the only way to survive! I've been too much of a softy lately because of Naruto, and I'd forgotten that. Another kunoichi lesson: weak men make weak allies. If he gets that emotional over such a nothing burger, that's his problem! Isn't it?...
Naruto tossed and turned quite the same.
Was I just bein' a little bitch? Sakura didn't say anything too much out of the ordinary, but it still hurt more than it usually would... Maybe I've gotten too used to not being leered at or admonished. She must think I'm a freak - - everyone else does! That settles it, I'm not using any of her stuff from now on!... After I wake up.
Naruto and Sakura both turned around.
Naruto looked up at the bed and saw Sakura looking down at him.
Both children exclaimed, "Hmph!", and turned back around to sleep.
I know what you're thinking.
"Fan-sama, you said updates would come sooner with shorter chapters!".
Fret not, for I am not a liar.
I had been accosted by a foreign entity whose bloodline closely crosses with mine, and sent on a journey across the nether to satisfy their lust for adventure.
(Translation: I had family from another country over, and they wanted a tour of the city).