To satisfy the justified curiosity of his beloved progeny, Jane launched into the tale of his own childhood. He laid the groundwork by explaining how his mother had been a moderating influence on his misguided father. She had been Jane's primary caregiver - and also had cared for many of the other kids who traveled with the carnival. She loved children, and was somewhat childlike herself - always projecting wonder at life, nature, and the rotating hordes of people who would traipse through every new 'backyard' they claimed, with each progressive show date.
"Wow she sounds a lot like you, Dad!" Meghan mused delightedly.
"Thank you, my dear! I take that as the highest of compliments! Your grandmother was quite magical, as I remember her." He paused momentarily, taking a sip of tea, smiling softly at some long-forgotten memory.
Regaining his train of thought, Jane continued, explaining how Alex had often taken his wife for granted. And that he had only shown a passing interest in Jane, tending to discount his boy-like glee, and curiosity. Telling Jane that he'd teach him how to be a man and make a name for himself, but not before he was ready. Jane's mom would always cover for Alex with her son, claiming that his dad loved him to pieces, but just didn't know how to relate to young children on account of the way he had been forced to grow up much too early in his own life.
Alex's parents had apparently been involved with some of the shadiest carnival folk around. As such, they had made the wrong people angry, and had come to a sad end at a very young age. An orphan at the age of ten, Alex had spent the next decade living in denial of his grief, heartbreak, and fear of abandonment, learning how to support himself with cons he'd picked up from some of his parents' old crowd - and had, in the process, drummed up a not-so-healthy bit of competition with a malevolent young lad by the name of Sean Barlow. For years, Alex convinced himself that he was better off alone. That all changed, though, on the day he crossed paths with an idealistic, young magician's assistant with blond curls and a heart of gold.
"Your mom was a magician's assistant?" Lisbon broke in, marveling. "No wonder you're so good at card and coin tricks!"
"True story, my dear. I got my early start with close-up magic!" Jane glimmered with a proud smile, before continuing with his parents' love story.
Jane's mother quickly captured Alex's heart, and he began to believe in love again. Alex found himself to be the envy of all at the carnival when they strolled the midway arm in arm, such was her beauty and such was her effervescent effect on him - garnering his most beautifully warm smile every time their eyes met. And despite his awkwardness with children, having never been properly parented himself, Alex had nearly collapsed from joy when he had learned that he was going to be a father. He vowed to be better than his parents had been. Vowed to allow his child to have a full, real, expansively magical childhood. He couldn't wait to live vicariously through it all, hopefully getting to make up for some of the things he himself had missed out on, growing up.
But sadly, family histories and dynamics are hard to break free from. And Alex found himself alone once again. His beautiful wife was taken from him at an unfairly young age. It had been his fault. The whole thing was so ridiculously stupid. So entirely avoidable.
He had promised to meet her at the pond that night. With little Patrick running around, they didn't get much time to themselves these days, but their friends the Barsockys had agreed to watch the boy, so that his mom and dad could spend some quality time together. He was to bring a picnic and they were supposed to enjoy an evening beneath the stars.
Mrs. Jane had freshened up after the magic show ended, and was sitting on an empty crate by the water's edge, waiting for her dear husband to appear. She had missed their picnic dates since little Patrick had been born. She adored being a mother, and loved Patrick so much - telling him so at every opportunity - but she also was deeply in love with Alex, and missed him terribly. His sunshiny smile made her heart skip a beat every time, and his touch was so very intoxicating. It had been much too long since she had been able to melt into him, and she couldn't wait to pay him back, with interest, tonight.
But Alex had gotten a last-minute lead on a con that could change their lives forever. The payout was enough to make his head spin. And he couldn't wait to tell his wife that he'd just made enough money to cover little Patrick's future college fund! Sure, they were both longtime carnies, but they had always wanted the world for their Patrick. They had agreed long ago that their son would be the first Jane to attend school.
So, Alex made the fateful decision that night to send word to his love that he had to cancel. He promised to make it up to her after his con had paid off, though it would probably be well into the early morning before he got home. But the elder Jane was betrayed. When the carny whom he'd sent to find his wife witnessed her stunning beauty, he abandoned Alex's message and instructions in an attempt to force himself on Mrs. Jane. She was disgusted and horrified, and fought back mightily - having been raised around ruffians her whole life, she definitely knew how to take care of herself. But sadly, her assailant landed a lucky blow that knocked her unconscious. And she simply never woke up.
"Wow…" Brendan's face was a little pale, his eyes wide, and his jaw hanging open a bit, "that sounds like…" the boy stopped mid-sentence, realizing that the similarities between Alex's story of loss and that of his beloved dad were, no-doubt, already clear to everyone in the room. He had been so shocked by this part of his father's childhood story that he'd spoken his thoughts out loud without even realizing it.
Jane saw into his son's inner dialogue and moved quickly, with empathy, to save him from any guilt he may have been tempted to feel, at possibly hurting his dad's feelings by involuntarily voicing his stunned thoughts. "I know, son… and you're absolutely right." He leaned over to put a supportive hand on Brendan's shoulder. "It's okay, love." With a smile of encouragement from his father, the boy relaxed and took a deep cleansing breath, as Teresa wiped at silent tears, and Jane continued his story.
Alex was understandably devastated. And, despite attempts to help him, he reverted to his old ways. Digging into his misery with both hands. Taking his anger out on all the marks he could find. Taking his pain out on his beloved, yet equally devastated son, Patrick, who favored his mother in so many ways. She was reflected in his loving heart, his blond curls, and his desire to make Alex believe that he could be worthy of good things. But rather than taking comfort in the parts of his true love that lived on through their offspring, Alex's traumatized brain saw Patrick as a painful reminder, sent by fate or the devil to torment him. After all, his wife was dead because of his own pride and conceit. He had sold her life for the price of a broken con - one that had ended up disintegrating before his eyes, bringing in pennies rather than the windfall he had anticipated. He deserved to be tormented. If only he had focused on the important things that night. If only he hadn't been so arrogant and greedy. If only… then she would still be here in his arms. But he hadn't, and she wasn't, and his self-hatred mangled his heart into acting out against anyone who tried to care for him, convinced that he didn't deserve love from anyone. Keeping concerned friends at arm's length, and lashing out at those closest to him. But mostly he turned his sights on Patrick. Simultaneously, he wanted to toughen up his tenderhearted boy, to protect him from being suckered by love - from being a mark, and also to punish him for existing… for being a constant reminder of his own costly mistakes. For looking to him for guidance, when he himself was lost. For constantly trying to love him… when he deserved no such thing after what he had thrown away.
But now, seemingly a lifetime later, Alex Jane's pic had finally made it to the Lisbon/Jane family album. Patrick had considered adding it after the Pike incident. Well, not directly after… more like 'in the weeks that followed,' once his mind had had some time to filter through all that had happened; And after he had, at the hopeful suggestion of his adorably optimistic wife, invited Alex and Danny both over to dinner one night. It was meant as a thank you to the two men, but also was seen by all as a chance to clear the air about certain things. A way to somewhat neutralize the past. Or at least a time where Jane could watch the old man up close for several hours, and see if he could discern any ill-intent in the one-time conniving cheat.
After dessert, Danny had called it a night, leaving father and son to ponder things one on one. Alex had taken the opportunity to attempt a sort of peace-offering, filling Jane in on exactly how he'd come to be top of mind during the FBI's rescue plan for Teresa and the kids. Jane still regarded his so-called father with a healthy amount of suspicion and distrust. But, for Lisbon's sake, as well as for the sake of their children, he agreed to hear the old man out.
Alex explained first that he had begun keeping tabs on Jane ever since Red John had killed Angela and Charlotte. He had seen the gruesome story on a TV news report, watching from some two-bit fleabag motel he had been living in. The horror of his estranged son's tragic reality shocked his own mind into recalling some things he had long repressed. He remembered, with a full-breadth of emotion, how the murder of his own dear wife had affected him… how he'd been so heartbroken… how he'd turned to cons and money and the thrill of the chase to try and cope with the crushing guilt he felt at failing to protect her… how he'd basically abandoned his son - her son… his only remaining link to her - despite how deeply and honestly he had loved her.
Alex admitted through tears that it was largely because of Patrick's resemblance to his mother, that he had been an unwitting reminder of the gaping hole that perforated Alex's very soul. That his cruelty to Patrick had been a projection of the cruelty he had wanted to inflict on death itself. With only himself to blame, he had blindly regurgitated his pain on whomever was closest to him at any given time. After re-living his own pain and loss, through empathizing with Patrick's tragic misfortune, Alex found that he identified closely with the pain he knew his son must be experiencing, in the wake of the murders. And as that sympathy softened his heart, he struggled to cope with the added guilt he felt, regarding his treatment of Jane. Alex ended up falling into a deep depression at the state of his life, and at all the ways he had damaged his relationship with Patrick and with most of the carnival family who had known him. At the absolute end of his rope, not even having the energy to con the lowest hanging mark available, Alex had checked himself into a mental health facility, and had gotten counseling. Once he had learned to love himself again, he developed a plan to try and make up for his past transgressions by giving back to those whom he'd victimized, over the years. He had spent the past decade & a half tracking down those he could, searching for the heirs of the victims who were no longer living, refunding moneys and granting wishes or fulfilling needs when possible. Danny's request for help on the Pike matter had come at the perfect time, as Alex had saved the best for last, planning to target his son for repayment next (as if it would be possible to repay a debt of that magnitude, even if Patrick would agree to accept it). After Alex's tale was finished, father and son had relaxed their defenses enough to share fond remembrances of Jane's mom, and Jane had painstakingly considered, then cautiously accepted the old man's apologies.
Lisbon had been lingering in the hallway for part of the father/son conversation, and had been in tears at seeing her love begin to lift out of his childhood pain, at long last. She was grateful to see him physically change with the validating reminder that he had indeed been conceived in love, made evident by his father's still-sincere grief at the loss of Jane's mom. Patrick was visibly buoyed, also, by the fragile possibility that his father was not actually the complete menace that he'd always known him to be. Despite her gratitude and her optimism, though, Teresa had spent plenty of time around shifty characters, herself, and in remembering the painful stories she'd been told about Alex's past abuse, she had already begun the process of using her FBI connections to corroborate each and every one of Alex's 'refund' stories just to be sure. She so wanted to believe that Jane could now trust his father, but she also knew Alex's history, and she knew how she would feel if she'd ever been approached by her own father with stories about reparations and a changed life. She owed it to her amazing husband, to thoroughly vet all of Alex's claims. She had been Jane's protector for decades, and that wasn't about to change now. Thank you, God, for this chance at reunion and healing, but fiercely protect his vulnerable heart. Please let this all be on the up and up.
"So, my young loves, that is why there is a new face in the album this year, and it's why I'm okay with giving Alex a chance to redeem himself. I myself have been redeemed immeasurably by your beautiful mother's patience with me over the years…" he turned his loving gaze to Teresa, "by her unrelenting belief in me… by her undying love for me, and mine for her." Patrick took her hand and tenderly kissed it, never breaking eye contact, before turning his attention back to Brendan and Meg. "And my redemption is made more complete every day by my pride in seeing you both grow into such amazing, caring, talented and intelligent human beings. Knowing how I have found a new lease on life, even after my seemingly unforgivable past transgressions, I cannot deny my father at least the chance to experience the same."
Lisbon chimed in. "And it's okay to get familiar with Alex's picture, and to ask Dad any questions you like about him, but we are all still keeping one ear to caution where he is concerned. For now, do not reach out to him or accept his possible attempts to reach out to you without running it past me or Dad first, okay? I am completely hopeful that Alex will be able to eventually be a part of our lives as a family, and that his involvement will lead to a better relationship between him and Dad. Nevertheless, my primary concerns and loyalties lie with Dad and with you two. I have my eye on Alex just in case, and if he steps out of line, I reserve the right to punch him in the nose!"
The family let go a collective chuckle at Lisbon's characteristic parting sentence, releasing their collective tensions and worries - spoken and unspoken. After the laughter died down, the evening continued happily, with lighthearted conversation, a typically delicious 'Jane specialty' meal, and fire-toasted marshmallows by the sea.