A/N: Named after how fast it moves, and also kinda how fast it was written. All yesterday and today, in what little time I could snatch out around my brother's birthday party. Inspiration has struck lately!

AVEN stands for Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. I really like their website! It's nice and balanced, explicitly shooting down moralistic viewpoints and everything.

Zoom zoom!

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Deidara

Deidara woke up from an unpleasant dream. He knew he was supposed to do something, but he had forgotten what. He frantically tried to find someone who could tell him, all the while knowing that the deadline for the thing he had to do was getting closer and closer and closer…

He really hoped the dream wasn't a portent of events in the real world.

He sat up, yawned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. What to do today? I could train with Hidan! I've gotten better at flying and dodging things, and he's gotten better at throwing them. We're ready! The idea filled him with excitement and vigor, so now he was fully awake. He grinned and leaped out of bed to find Hidan.

Hidan was still sleeping in his room. Deidara shook him. "Wake up, yeah. I had the best idea ever!"

"No you didn't, I did," Hidan mumbled. He sat up and took a few seconds to wake up. "You inspired me. I was thinking last night, and I realized, 'I should follow Deidara's example.' I'm gonna take Konan on a date today."

Deidara grinned. "Dude! That is awesome!" He high fived Hidan.

"Shit yeah," Hidan said. "A really nice, semiformal but not too formal, strictly romantic date."

Deidara was puzzled by that last description. "Strictly romantic? What does that mean, hm?"

"It means only romance. Nothing else." Hidan shook his head. "We don't have a physical relationship. I dunno why; it just seems weird. So no kissing, no taking her to bed, none of that."

Deidara blinked. "But… How do you have a relationship if you don't like her that way? That's kinda required."

"No it's not," Hidan retorted. "Not required at all. Romance and sexy times are totally different."

Deidara continued to blink. His forehead wrinkled. "Different? But that's what flirting and stuff is. It's touching their hair and wanting to be near them and stuff."

"Gimme your phone." Hidan held his hand out, and Deidara gave him his cellphone. Only after handing it over did he think to ask why he should do so. Hidan opened an app on his phone, typed something, touched the screen a few times, and handed it back. "There ya go."

Hidan shooed him out of the room so he could put together an outfit. Deidara cursed himself for having forgotten to tell Hidan he wanted to train together. Well, I guess he's busy anyway, yeah. He checked his phone. What had Hidan done to it?

Hidan had opened his Internet browser and loaded the homepage of a website. Deidara started to read with great curiosity. Aven. I think I've heard that name before somewhere…

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Ring. Ring. Ri- "What is it?"

"I am so sorry, yeah," Deidara said. "For all the jokes, and questions, and things I said about you and Laurie that one time. I fucked up."

There was a pause. "Thanks for apologizing," Sasori said. "What happened?"

"Hidan showed me a website, yeah."

"Nice of him. Happy reading. I'm glad you're learning about this stuff." Deidara swore he could hear a smile in Sasori's voice. "FYI, you might want to go on from there. I think a lot of people would appreciate it if you read about other things, too." Those were his parting words just before he ended the call.

What was he talking about, yeah? Who else has stuff going on? Hidan does, because he said so. That means Konan does too. Everyone knows Nagato's gay. But everyone else seems normal, yeah. And why would I need to read about stuff? I know what being gay is. On the offchance that he did not, Deidara googled, "Different sexual orientations." His eyes widened at the results. There's a whole fucking wiki?!

Yahiko

Yahiko was pretty unobservant, even of himself. Especially of himself. But even he could not fail to notice how much better he felt at work the following day. Whoa. It's like… Like I barely have to think. I'm not thinking. I'm just doing my job. How long has it been since I didn't think about things? Now that he had ended his responsibilities, now that he was no longer accountable for anything more than serving out his last week or two, the need to endlessly consider others was over. He was free.

I like to think about others. But maybe I need to think about myself, too. So he thought about himself. Maybe taking a job that makes me afraid to even describe it wasn't a great idea. I'm not ready to be that open. Although, it did help me figure out a lot of things, so success? Yes. This experience of finding out what he was and wasn't comfortable with, having ideas raised about his identity that he could explore, and deciding for himself to look after his own best interests had been very valuable. Yahiko decided he was glad to have worked here, and he really had no harsh feelings towards his boss or anyone at all. Maybe after he was no longer an employee, he could meet her socially and they could be friends.

He smiled at everybody. He stopped to joke with one of the people who unloaded stock in the back. A customer's comment led him to get involved in a discussion about color theory that he hadn't expected, and they found his recommendations useful. He encountered his boss sometime later, shortly before he took his lunch break. He happened to already have a smile on his face.

"You look happy," she said, a trace of sadness in her voice.

"Yeah," he replied. "I was just thinking. Working here has been really good for me. It taught me a lot about me. And deciding to leave was part of that. Thank you." He ducked his head and walked away to finish what he was doing. No need to make things awkward.

It felt very good to be able to reflect on his own growth like that. It showed that he had grown. I'm growing up. Wow. It's better than anyone said it would be! I can't wait!

Sasori

The phone call from Deidara was perfectly timed, occurring just as Sasori found himself a moment of downtime. After that, he went to meet Ruta. Ruta had brought in his collection of lost balls, and they needed sorting.

"Needs washing," Sasori said. "Needs washing. Needs washing. This one's good. Oh. It's very good. I have never seen a sports ball shine like this."

Ruta stood there and smiled proudly. "That's the one I'm not willing to give up for personal reasons."

Sasori threw it at him. "It's very solid. It could easily do a lot of damage rolling downslope. Good idea, keeping it."

Ruta caught the ball easily and cradled it against his chest. "What's the news from Kisame?"

"No idea. I'll call him when we're done sorting and washing."

Kisame

The stars were aligning, the universe was shining, and karma was bubbling. When Kisame talked to the maintenance people, he found that the Asian kid had already informed everyone he knew, which happened to include a lot of maintenance people, of his talk with Kisame. They were not surprised when Kisame asked about toy balls, and gave their most serious consideration to his questions. The general consensus was that it would likely be safe. The biggest danger was to other organisms that may also be living in the tank, such as urchins or plants.

So he next asked his way to someone involved in habitat design. Were there any habitats in the aquarium with an appropriate design for small balls? There, he learned that living things were generally not encouraged to live in the low areas. How would the visitors see them if they were enclosed in a little sandy valley? So there was not much risk of small balls causing damage to either equipment or organisms, after all.

"I'll bring it up," the designer promised. "Enrichment activities for the animals are a good idea."

"I know a guy who has spare balls," Kisame argued. "I should at least be updated on any decisions."

"Who is this?"

Kisame found himself oddly reluctant to divulge this information. It felt like a threat. No, stop it. There is no threat. "The auto shop," he forced out. "They have a new source of knickknacks."

The habitat designer considered that. "Hmm. A small scale, noncommercial donation… This is a community center. Could build our press… Perhaps if we solicited…" His eyes lit up. "Yes. I will contact you," he told Kisame. From the fervor in his eyes, it was clear that he meant it.

Kisame was not surprised to get a call from Sasori as he was walking away from that meeting. It just feels like things should be happening quickly right now. He answered with, "I think I just kicked off a massive community outreach providing-for-the-animals event."

"...So yes, they are interested."

"One of the guys at the top promised to keep me updated," Kisame said. "At the top. Me. One of the least involved people in this place. Me. I have no idea what the hell is happening. Since when do I get involved in things?"

"No, no," Sasori said. "Keep it up. This is great. Who knows what could happen to you because of this?"

"That's what worries me," Kisame said. "I have no idea what will happen."

"Don't worry," Sasori told him. He did not follow up on that. It wasn't a reassurance; it was more like a command. Strangely, even knowing that Sasori was as much a loon as Deidara, Kisame obeyed. His unease disappeared. What the hell? Since when can I change my feelings on command?

"Did you get any details?" Sasori asked. He and Kisame proceeded to discuss balls rolling downhill and maintenance equipment. "Good. I was concerned about that. Some of these things are very dense and smooth. They could be dangerous."

"I don't think I've ever talked to this many people in one day in my life," Kisame admitted. "I mean reaching out, me talking to them. Not just happening to be at an event where a lot of people were around. I have never been this outgoing before."

"Thank you for breaking out of your comfort zone just to do me a favor." Sasori's voice became very quiet. "I know how much that takes. Thank you."

Kisame smiled. "You're welcome." He felt warm all over. I am being a good friend. His phone chirped. "Just got a work text. I have to go."

"Keep in touch." Then Sasori hung up.

Kisame took a route that brought him past the shark tank. He pressed a hand to the glass and smiled. Samehada opened his mouth wide and raced around the tank in excitement. Some visitors noticed and asked him what he had just done. The official shark guide was sitting right there at his post, but he stayed quiet. Same's behavior was outside his usual spiel about the different sharks and their habits. So Kisame began to speak, telling the visitors that Samehada was his friend and was happy when he was happy. He expected to feel very uncomfortable talking to several people at once. There were reasons why he was the background guy, and not the official shark ambassador to the public. Yet he was only a little uncomfortable, and actually found himself enjoying it. It's gotta be just because I'm talking about my favorite shark. I wouldn't enjoy chatting about something I don't care about just to be chatting.

After fielding questions about how Samehada could live on land, how much more sociable he was than other sharks, and was he a boy or girl shark, Kisame excused himself and went on to his actual job duties. He wondered how different he was becoming. Is this just a fluke one-day thing, or am I finally getting out of my shell?

Konan

Hidan looked so happy at the idea of going on a date, she couldn't say no. Konan would have preferred to have time to prepare. She felt suddenly shy. I am a shinobi. I struggle to remember how to be a girl. In case Hidan could feel that reluctance, she explained to him that she wanted to have a proper date as a normal person, and feared she would not be able to.

"No problem!" Hidan turned female. "I shall help you pick out outfits. I'll show you what Sunshine's been teaching me about makeup!"

Konan let him lead her back to her room, rather bemused the whole time. So depending on his form, I have either a boyfriend or a sister. What do I make of this arrangement? She decided to see if he was any good in his new role.

He was surprisingly good. Using Transformation Jutsu, he modeled different outfits. His favorite was a sleeveless blouse with no straps, beneath a shawl and above a pair of pants that were neither shorts nor proper pants, which he called khakis. "I would've gone with shorts, but gotta stay warm in the weather," he explained. "Same reason for the shawl."

Konan eyed him warily. His suggested outfit was nearly identical to the clothing she typically wore beneath her cloak. I never showed him what I wear beneath this cloak, and that does not seem like the kind of information his unusual nature should grant him access to. How can he know? Does he know?

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Did I suggest something wrong? Shit."

She shook her head. "Do you know what I usually wear beneath this cloak?"

He lit up. "Yeah. Totally normal stuff."

"How do you know that?"

His face went blank. "Uh…" She could tell he was trying to answer, but no answer was coming. And his face stayed strangely blank the whole time.

Really? He acquired this knowledge through his other nature? How and why can that be? "Why would Fugue You know what I wear?" she asked. "I can't imagine he cares about clothing."

"But you have an image of you," Hidan blurted out. "Like how you wearing the cloak is you as a ninja. You not wearing it is… That's what you look like inside."

After saying that, he sat still for several seconds before beginning to scratch behind his ear. She had no doubt he had forgotten saying that. Really? When I take my cloak off and wear that clothing, does it change my self image? She imagined herself wearing the cloak. She was a shinobi, the Angel of the Hidden Rain, Pain's guardian. Then Konan imagined herself not wearing the cloak. No matter how hard she tried, she could not picture herself being any of those things. She could only picture herself bandaging Yahiko or sitting with him by the stream. A normal girl spending time with her boyfriend.

Konan reached up and unzipped her cloak, laying it on her bed. Without it, she noticed that she felt very different. More vulnerable. It is true. "Return to your normal form," she requested. "I think...a picnic by the lake would be very nice."

Hidan returned to his male form. "You're not mad?"

"No. You don't remember, but you explained how you knew what I wear. Your explanation helped me realize some things about myself." She took his hand and drew him up off the bed. "Come. The trees around the lake should break the wind, so I will not need a shawl." They would also help her relax into her date without fear of being too vulnerable.

They made sandwiches and wraps and water bottles, bundled them up in Hidan's cloak, and set out for the lake. Hidan's idea of a date outfit was his normal outfit, plus a very nice black T-shirt. "It goes with my hair," he explained. "I like black." It also allowed him to take off his cloak without completely ruining the atmosphere.

He led them to the very edge of the lake, where they could just barely sit without getting wet. He looked at the lake with worry after they sat. "I doubt it needs you," Konan said gently. "That is not the kind of child it is."

"Still…" He looked back at her. "I still feel like I should do something different."

Would his original have felt the same? Konan's smile faded. The moment turned sad. She missed the wild look about him. She could not know what Original Hidan would do until the moment arrived and she saw what he did. He was mysterious that way, a mystery that always invited her to look closer and try to figure him out even though she knew she would never succeed. This Hidan was many things, but he was not so inviting. "Of course you do," she said, and it might not have been a compliment.

Hidan's eyes grew wet. He looked down and tried to blink it away. Konan remembered that it was not only her sadness. He misses his original too. And it's not just because he has no family. He has lost parts of himself from becoming what he is. On some level, he must know that. She shuffled around the bundle and gave him a hug. She said nothing. He hugged her back.

They parted eventually and unwrapped the bundle. Eating was performed in silence. In the silence, they glanced at each other occasionally. Meaning was exchanged. Because of the lack of words, the meaning did not have to be captured, so none of it was lost. It was an intimate silence.

"You know…" he said. "I don't do shit the normal way."

Konan nodded. Yes, she did know that.

"I don't do this the normal way either."

Konan nodded again. She wasn't sure exactly what aspect of this date he was referring to, but she knew that his ideal date would be different in many aspects.

He relaxed. "You're cool with that?"

"Yes," she said. "I do not mind if you prefer informal dates like those we usually have. I do not mind if you would like to fight or chase prey. I do not mind if you would like Nagato to be here as well. I would never expect you to be like a normal person."

His eyes widened. "You know about that?"

Konan tilted her head. "About what?"

"Moonlight."

"I never saw exactly how your original and his interacted when they were alone, but I did see that the amount of private meetings decreased sharply and Nagato acted uncomfortable around him. I am aware that there is something between you two."

"Yeah, there is," Hidan sighed. "I like Sunshine too. The way he smiles… I'm a sucker."

Konan smiled. "You're in love with all three of us?"

He grinned back. "That bother you?"

"No. Something about it seems very natural."

"You think it'd be natural if I had a date with Moonlight right after this?"

Konan paused before taking a sip of water. She tilted her head. "Yes. Hmm. I've never heard of someone being in more than one relationship at a time and it being alright. Yet I do feel alright."

Hidan sighed. "And you used to like Sunshine's original, right? What would it have been like if Original Me found his way to you guys instead of being stuck in that small as shit town? He and you, and you and Sunshine, and maybe Other Nagato would've somehow won him over, and Other Nagato and Other Me…" His smile grew wider and wider as he described it. "Fuck. I just described my dream life!" He laughed in glee.

Konan had to admit that, except for the part where Nagato and Yahiko got together, it sounded realistic. "You and I are very odd."

"Wait a sec. Do you know the name for it?" Hidan explained to her that the way he was actually had a name. It was a known phenomenon in this world. People really lived that way.

Konan nearly dropped her wrap. "Dear gods. I couldn't imagine living that way openly. It would be seen as wrong. A perversion."

"Sometimes I'm glad I'm here and not in your world." Hidan finished his first sandwich. "I can't imagine being trapped in a tiny town because where you're born apparently decides your destiny, or being forced to hide anything, being forced to not be happy. I love being a ninja, but I'd rather be it here than there, you know?"

Konan nodded. "There are so many new ways to be a shinobi here."

"Fuckin' right."

"I do not know which I would prefer."

"Eh." Hidan looked at her closely. "By now, it's like a part of you. You always look otherworldly. You wouldn't be you if you didn't come from there."

Konan remembered what Itachi had said about identity, that one's identity could become so much more expansive and flexible if not confined by thought and expectation. You wouldn't be you if you didn't come from there. That statement was very meaningful, and she sensed it would lose meaning if she tried to define exactly what it said about her. So she cast it aside in order to save it. "Otherworldly? Do I? Perhaps that's why I had so little trouble casting myself as an angel."

Hidan grew limp and dreamy. "An angel…"

With a smile, she grew paper wings and lifted into the air. She looked down at Hidan. The effect is not complete without my cloak. But judging by the look on his face, it was complete enough.

He swooned into her lap as soon as she returned to the ground and sat down. "Yeah. An angel." He closed his eyes, resting his head in her lap. Like Whisper. Like a dog submitting to his alpha. She took hold of his head and scratched behind his ears, as she ought to.

But it reminded her that she had other things to do with her day. After a while, she stopped petting him. "Nagato had a favor to ask of me," she said. "He needs my help to train one of his dogs."

"Today?"

"Yes. Today would be the best day, as Fridays are when the trainer stops by."

"Now?"

"Not quite. But soon, yes."

Hidan sat up. "Darn. Better get this food eaten, then." They had prepared two food items for each of them. Hidan grabbed his second sandwich and started to chew through it at great speed. Konan finished her wraps.

When he was done, Hidan sucked mayonnaise off his fingers. "Mm. What's he need your help to do?"

"He told me that one of the dogs is like how Yahiko used to be, and another is like me. I believe he needs me to supervise in case something goes wrong."

Hidan tilted his head. "How Sunshine used to be...before you fought him?"

"Yes."

"Shit. I don't know much about laws, never studied 'em, but I'm pretty sure that's not exactly okay to do. He could get in trouble for that."

For letting animals do what animals will do? Dogs will fight. Since when is it illegal to let them sort out their own business? "It was his boss' idea."

"Hope it works out," Hidan said.

Konan allowed herself to feel all manner of derision and scorn. "Does this world really coddle its animals so thoroughly that they are not allowed to fight? Animals fight. That is life. As long as no people are in the way, what is the harm?"

"This ain't your world," Hidan said, pointing at her. "People don't fight. Well, no, what I mean is… There are people who fight, and then there are normal people, and the people who fight are kept very apart from the normal people. So no, fighting isn't just life. It's something scary and weird that people don't really know how to deal with. And pets are like family members, so they're not separate from the normal people. Same rules apply."

Konan gave him an especially flat stare. "That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard."

Hidan shrugged. "Yeah, it's fucking weird. Who wants to run away from scary shit? It's fun when your heart races."

"Not to mention the most spoiled, the most infantile. Every person may have to defend themselves from time to time. Animals and thieves exist. People that are unable to fight are nothing more than fattened cattle."

"Animals kinda don't exist," Hidan muttered sadly. "People were scared, so they wiped out wolves and bears and shit in most places. And thieves are criminals, which are dealt with by police, not by normal people."

"Ordinary people must be capable of settling their own problems," Konan argued. "Avoiding your problems is not the way to live. Who in their right mind would eradicate animals just because they didn't want to bother taking the appropriate safety measures?"

"Don't fucking ask me," Hidan said. He sprawled on his back on the ground. "I don't know why weirdos insist on living in a bubble. I don't know why fighting is bad. I don't know any of that shit. It's weird."

"Life has cost," Konan said.

"Yeah, exactly," Hidan said. "Nobody wants that cost. Nobody wants anybody to die, or suffer a crippling injury, or get sick. They just want to...keep everyone, and everything, and not give any of it up."

Konan had felt this whole time that this discussion had a great importance which lay just beyond her reach. Now it placed itself into her hands, and suddenly she understood. To separate life from death, bad from good, to divide the world so that good things need never die and suffering need never happen: that is what Madara promised. In this world, without chakra, at least one society has made Madara's dream a reality. Fuck. The horror of that made her chakra go cold and quiet.

Hidan looked at her and shivered sympathetically. "Scary, right?"

"What has happened because of it?" Konan asked. I never imagined this. I only wanted good people like Yahiko to stay strong and good forever. I never wanted to bring about a world where no person reached adulthood. I never wanted a world where people lived under the rule of fear. But unless Naruto can defeat him, that is what will happen to my world. My beautiful, heart-pounding world.

"It doesn't make people happy," Hidan answered. "They're just unhappy about different things. And then the people who do live with wolves and thieves and shit get mad at them for complaining about trivial shit, and a lot of fighting happens. Lots of anger. Don't watch the news."

And it doesn't even work. No human heart can sustain happiness forever, I suppose. Other feelings must be expressed too. They will just find expression in ways they were never meant to. Konan felt sick. That is what I have supported for nearly my whole adult life. How could I? How could I not have seen that humans will never stop being humans? What he really promised was to split human nature in half, leaving everyone broken and missing the parts of them that are gone. How could I support that?

Hidan wiped tears out of his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"In my world, there was a man who dreamed of dividing the world in exactly this way. Splitting the costs from the gains, the bad from the good. He aimed to save the world and turn it into a paradise. And I believed him when he said that was what he would do, and I supported him, worked to make his plan a reality, for my whole adult life." Konan closed her eyes. "We realized we made a mistake too late."

Hidan embraced her, surrounding her with warmth and affection and care. "I'm sorry."

His other nature. It is still present in my world. "I don't know what has happened. Has he completed his plan yet? Or has he been defeated? What has happened to my world?"

Hidan smiled into her hair. "You know it's impossible, right? Nobody can stop human nature. He can't really remake a thing."

Konan had been hoping for an answer from his other half. He disappointed. But then, she remembered that he was always influenced on some level. If his answer to her question was immediate undoubted optimism, that was answer enough.

She unwrapped his arms from around herself. "Excuse me. I have dogs to watch."

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A/N: The comparison between society today and Madara's idea only actually occurred to me as I was writing it. Whoally sweet cheeses. That's kind of a big deal, given that he was the semiultimate big bad and all. Maybe something should change? But I can't imagine what kind of change it would be. I've lived in this way for my whole life. Readers in other countries, who hopefully can imagine things: what say you?

Things like this really make me wonder what I should do with my writing...