School Clubbin'
(Based on the SMG4 video 'Mario's School Club')
At first, everything was dark. No one can see a thing. But then, suddenly, a light shines down to reveal Ryuji, amorously cradling a mannequin in his arms. The mannequin was wearing a beautiful, blue sequined dress and had a pink flower pinned to its head. As Ryuji caressed the mannequin's face, he begins to talk.
"Oh, Esperanza, mi amor," Ryuji swooned, "The moonlight reflects off your eyes so beautifully. I'm so lucky to be with you on this oh so joyous night."
Ryuji then falls silent, as if waiting for the mannequin to speak.
"Oh, I'm so happy you feel the same way, my love," Ryuji swooned, "Kiss me! Kiss me while the night is still young!"
And then Ryuji proceeded to make out with the mannequin. As Ryuji continued to play his game of tonsil hockey with the mannequin, more lights come on to reveal that he's on the stage of an auditorium with Ren, Makoto, Ann, Futaba, Yuuki Mishima, Yusuke, Haru, Shiho, Daisuke, Sumire, Ichiro, and Hifumi in the audience, all with appalled expressions on their face. Well, everyone except Haru, she was clapping and seemed to be the only one who legitimately enjoyed Ryuji's performance. Daisuke just looks so bored that he falls out of his seat. Hayato, meanwhile, was huddled in the corner in the fetal position, traumatized by Ryuji's little 'play'.
"Well the hell did we just watch?" Hifumi asked.
"For the last time, Ryuji, we don't want to be a part of your 'Drama Club'," Ann said, annoyed.
"If people say the art of theater is dead, then the murderer is on stage right now," Yusuke muttered.
"You guys are just jealous because my acting skills are top tier!" Ryuji boasted as he pushed the mannequin away so he could invite one of his friends on stage, "Okay, Ichiro, it's your turn."
Ryuji jumps off the stage as the young male gymnast walks up to take his place.
"I will be doing a dramatic reading of a famous limerick from my younger days," Ichiro said as he took out a piece of paper from his back pocket and cleared his throat, "There once was a man from Nantucket…"
"No! No, no, no! No!" Makoto cut Ichiro off, "This particular story is rated T. If this were one of the M rated ones, I'd say you have the green light. But this isn't one of them, so I'm going to shut you up before you say anything else."
"Hang on, Makoto," Ryuji said as he hopped back on stage, taking his own piece of paper out from his pocket, "Ichiro's limerick gave me another club idea; Poetry Club!"
As Ichiro went back into the audience, Ryuji cleared his throat and began to read his poem, "Objects that I want to shove up Kamoshida's ass…"
"What did I say about the rating of this story?!" Makoto scolded as she cut her boyfriend off.
"Ryuji," Ren said, "If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to start a school club so badly?"
"Everyone is saying I don't contribute much to this school," Ryuji said, "I want to start up a club to prove them all wrong."
"Wow, that's pretty bold of you," Sumire said, "I hope you don't mind if we help you in deciding what your club should be about."
"Why not?" Ryuji said with a shrug of his shoulders, "We're all friends here. What ideas do you guys have?"
"We'd be more than happy to show you, babe," Makoto said, "Everyone, follow me!"
And with that, everyone followed Makoto out of the gym to a different location.
Club Idea #1: Martial Arts Club
We cut to a dojo where Makoto has gathered everyone. All 14 teenagers are seen barefoot and wearing gis as Makoto stands next to a dummy.
"Welcome to the Martial Arts Club, everyone," Makoto says as she takes a bow, prompting the 13 before her to do the same in response, "Now as you all know, Aikido is my go to martial art. But I'm not afraid to use other arts if need be. Case in point, karate!"
Makoto takes a stance as she looks at the dummy with fire in her eyes.
"Watch and learn," Makoto said before she runs at the dummy and executes a beautiful roundhouse kick which sends it flying into a wall. Suffice it to say, her 13 peers were very impressed.
"Mmm, I love a girl who can kick my ass," Ryuji said, feeling as though he's falling in love with Makoto all over again.
"Okay, everyone, now it's your turn," Makoto said, "Show me your moves!"
And so, the other 13 teenagers went over to their own respective dummy, and Makoto watched as they all began to beat up on them. She was rather impressed with the likes of Ryuji, Ren, Sumire, Daisuke, and even Ann, all five of whom seemed to understand the objective very clearly as they were seen executing perfect punches, kicks, and chops to their dummies…but then there were the other eight.
Futaba tried punching her dummy, but ended up hurting her fist the moment it made contact. The orange haired gamer girl was seen getting down on her knees and holding her fist in pain.
Yuuki kicked his dummy, causing it to fall down to the floor…but upon hitting the floor, the dummy bounced back and hit Yuuki, knocking him out.
Yusuke was seen sorrowfully slapping his dummy in the face, "Oh, I'm so sorry," he cried.
"It's a dummy, Yusuke, it doesn't have feelings," Makoto said as she continued to watch the artist slap his dummy.
With Shiho, it looks like she's about to hit her dummy…but she instead jumps up and happily hugs it, pulling off a 'foot pop' in the process.
"NO!" Shouted Makoto, startling the other brunette girl.
With Hayato, he too seems like he's ready to hit his dummy…but he wants to hit it a bit differently.
"You know what they say," Hayato said as he took his writing pen out from the pocket of his gi, "The pen is always mightier than the…"
SLAP!
Makoto slapped Hayato's hand, causing him to drop his pen to the floor, "Stop it…stop it!" Makoto scolded as she wagged a finger at the scarlet haired boy, causing him to become depressed.
With Ichiro, he's pulling off a series of kung-fu poses before randomly pulling out two shotguns out of hammerspace and firing them at his dummy.
With Hifumi, she just takes her pointer finger and pokes at the head of her dummy with it. This somehow causes the head to fall off, "I'm perfect!" Hifumi exclaimed, "I'm too perfect!"
Finally there's Haru who just walks up to her dummy, leans back with her right fist, and punches a hole right through its head. Seeing this made all 13 teenagers stop and stare at her in amazement.
"Whoa," was all Makoto could say as Haru just shrugs her shoulders and smiles innocently.
Club Idea #2: Phan-Fiction Club
Now the group is seen in a classroom type environment, back in their regular clothes. Shiho is seen at the front of the class while the other 13 are seated behind desks.
"Hey, everyone, welcome to the Phan-Fiction Club," Shiho announced.
"Cool, what kind of fanfiction are we reading?" Hayato asked.
"Not 'fanfiction'," Shiho said, "'Phan-Fiction, as in Phantom Thief fanfiction."
"Somebody actually made fanfiction about the Phantom Thieves?!" Ryuji exclaimed in an excited tone.
"Sssshhh," Makoto went, "Don't sound too excited. Do you want the likes of Shiho, Daisuke, Hifumi, Hayato, and Ichiro to know about our true identities?"
"No, babe, sorry," Ryuji said.
"What's the first story that we're going to be reading about, Shiho," Ann asked.
"It's an interesting tale written by Aurelius Carlan on Forum of One's Own (Archive of Our Own)," Shiho explained.
"Good name," Haru said, praising the author's pen name, "What's the story itself called?"
"In Which the Phantom Thieves Run Afoul of the Alluring Satyr," Shiho said.
"What?!" Haru said as her face dropped, and knowing what the Satyr symbolizes in Greek Mythology.
"Relax, Haru, I'm sure it's just going to be about how a Satyr causes the Phantom Thieves to break into a bout of uncontrollable dancing," Sumire said, "What's the worst that could happen?"
10 Minutes Later
"...Males wanted to breed with as many females as possible after all," Shiho read, "It was fine, there were other males around."
As Shiho continued reading, most of the other 13 teenagers present had looks of pure horror and disgust on their faces. The only one who didn't seem horrified or disgusted was Daisuke, and they couldn't tell if he was putting on a fake smile for his girlfriend or if he was genuinely interested in this kind of stuff. Sumire looked absolutely mortified the more that Shiho read, and Ichiro, who was unaware of her Phantom Thief Identity as 'Violet' just rubbed her back to comfort her.
"She took the time to fully discard the shreds of cloth around her, so the males could see her fertile and healthy body fully." Shiho continued to read, "A bit of-"
"Guys, I'm scared," Yuuki said.
Next to him, Makoto was throwing up in a waste basket, and right behind her Ren had passed out from how horrifying the whole story sounded.
"Ah, that's hot," Daisuke said as he continued to listen to his girlfriend's story.
"For real, dude," Ryuji exclaimed in a disgusted tone.
Shiho didn't even notice everyone's reactions as she continued to read, "There was a brief stab of jealousy at how the blonde one had…"
"Uh, excuse me, Shiho," Yusuke said, as Shiho turned to face the blue haired artist, "I don't think we're all on board with this…er…particular story. Is there one more appropriate?"
"Oh, sure thing, Yusuke," Shiho said, "We can read this crossover fanfiction I found. It's the 'Phantom Thieves Meets the Revengers, Meets the Adolescent Monster Dualist Lizards, Meets the Fairness Alliance, Meets the Superb Marco Brothers, Meets Rapid the Porcupine, Meets Henry Panner, Meets the Exterminator, Meets Delaware Smith, Meets…uh where did everybody go."
Shiho was so busy reading the long title for the crossover fanfic that she didn't notice that everyone else had left. They've clearly lost interest in the idea of a 'Phan-Fiction' Club. The only one still in the classroom is her boyfriend Daisuke.
"They left, babe," Daisuke said to a disappointed Shiho, "I'm only still here because I live by a code of honor. One that states I shall never leave your side. To always be your cheerleader no matter what happens. I intend to live by that code until the day I die. I love you, Shiho."
"Aww, babe!" Shiho said as she ran up to her boyfriend to give her a hug and a kiss.
"I'll always have your back, no matter what," Daisuke said.
Club #3: Art Club
In an art studio, Yusuke was seen instructing Ryuji, Makoto, and Shiho on how to paint a bowl of fruit.
"And assuming you've followed Step #7 correctly, your painting should look like this," Yusuke said as he showed everyone how his painting looked exactly like the bowl of fruit, "Any questions?"
With Ryuji he made the 'best mistake' possible when painting Yusuke's bowl of fruit. Instead of painting said bowl of fruit, he ended up accidentally painting an exact replica of 'The Mona Lisa.' "Goddamn it," Ryuji frowned, "My painting looks nothing like that."
With Shiho, she's looking at the fruit bowl before looking back at her painting, which she discolored horribly. Her grapes were orange instead of purple, her apple was yellow instead of red, and her pear was blue instead of green, "I don't think this is right," she said.
Elsewhere in the art studio, the other teenagers were doing separate art projects. Daisuke and Futaba were seen working on popsicle stick crafts with Sumire and Ichiro.
"Hey, Futaba, can you hand me the glue, please?" Daisuke asked as he looked over at the orange haired girl, who seems to have gone a little overboard with the glue as she had globs of glue, popsicles, and bits of paper all over her.
"What happened to you?" Daisuke asked.
"Don't ask," Futaba frowned.
"Ichiro, how are you and Sumire doing on your popsicle project?" Daisuke said as he looked over at the gymnast couple to find that they had made a box fort out of their popsicles.
"We're king and queen in here," Ichiro said as he and Sumire sat all comfy-cozy in their fort.
In another part of the art studio, Ren, Ann, Hayato, and Haru were seen making clay sculptures. Ren was making a sculpture that looked like Morgana. Haru was making a vase to put flowers in. Ann was making a sculpture that looked like Jack Frost. Hayato was making a sculpture that looked like Hifumi if she was a mermaid.
"Ah, best sculpture ever," Hayato said lovingly as he gazed upon his work.
Finally, there was Hifumi and Yuuki, who were doing pencil drawings on sketch pads.
"What did you draw," Yuuki asked, looking over at the Shogi player.
"I drew a bonsai tree," Hifumi said, showing Yuuki her work, "What about you?"
"This," Yuuki said as he showed the Shogi player a weird circle with symbols on them.
"Hey, isn't that the Multiversal Portal from Prisons and Wyverns (Dungeons and Dragons)?" Hifumi asked.
"I didn't know you played Prisons and Wyverns," Yuuki said.
"I dabble every now and again," Hifumi said, "But it looks good."
Suddenly, Yuuki's sketch of the Multiversal Portal started to glow.
"Oh my God, it's glowing!" Hifumi exclaimed.
"What?" Yuuki exclaimed as he turned the pad towards him to see that it was in fact glowing. His and Hifumi's exclamations caught the attention of the rest of the group and they gathered around them to see what was wrong. The other 12 teenagers gasped when they saw the glowing pad.
"What kind of pencils did you buy, Yusuke?" Ryuji asked.
"Just normal No. 2 pencils from the craft store," Yusuke explained.
Suddenly, a ball of light comes from the pad with the pattern on it, scaring the group of 14 even more. The ball of light opens up to create a portal.
"What have you done, Mishima?!" Makoto cried.
"I don't know!" Yuuki cried.
Before they could try and figure out what to do next, they heard the sound of someone screaming. And that screaming was coming from the portal. The group looked inside to see a little girl with long black hair, a yellow shirt, gray skirt, black shoes, and a pearl necklace flying towards them.
"GAH! MAKE WAY FOR LYRA!" The girl shouted as she got shot out of the portal and landed on the floor with a thud, a bucket of chicken laying next to her. A few seconds after the girl landed, the portal closed back up and the teenager's attention was drawn on their 'multiversal traveler'. The girl got up, dusted herself off, and picked up her bucket of chicken.
"Ow, rough landing," The girl said as she turned around and found the 14 teenagers just staring at her in a mixture of amazement, curiosity, and horror, "Well, Lyra, here you are in a room full of strangers. What are you going to do now?"
"She just talked," Yuuki whispered to his friends.
"Gee, thanks, I wasn't sure about that," Futaba said with a hint of sarcasm.
"Someone try talking to her," Shiho said, "Maybe she's friendly."
"I'll do it," Hayato said as he cleared his throat before speaking slowly and loudly, "HELLO! MY NAME IS HAYATO! ME AND MY FRIENDS MEAN YOU NO HARM! PLEASE, DON'T PANIC!"
"You don't have to shout," Lyra said, "And I speak English too, you idiot."
"She seems harmless enough, guys," Ryuji said, "Besides, how can she be evil? She comes bearing fried chicken! Hey, can I have a piece?"
"Sure," Lyra said as she handed the blonde boy a piece of fried chicken, which he starts gobbling on.
"Alright, enough of this," Makoto said, "Who are you and where did you come from?"
"My name is Lyra Marsh," Lyra said, "And I come from South Park, Colorado."
"South Park?" Daisuke said, "I can't say I've heard of that town. Is it anything like a show we have here called 'North Park'?"
"Don't you dare mention that town," Lyra scolded, "Everyone in that school is a pretentious hipster!"
"We're sorry, our friend didn't mean to upset you," Ichiro said, "Please don't destroy our world."
"I'm not an alien, I'm a human like you," Lyra said, "I was just walking down the street from my local KFC, ready to have a nice fried chicken lunch, when this weird portal shows up, sucks me in, and now I'm here talking to you all."
"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," Yuuki said, "I kind of made that portal."
"Hey, follow up question," Ryuji said, "Is your KFC similar to our IBC, Iowa Battered Chicken?"
"Obviously not, one is fried and one is battered," Lyra said, "It's been great chatting with you all, but I've got to be going home now. So, whatever it was you did to get me here, do it again so I can go home."
"Can it wait," Ryuji asked, "We're kind of in the middle of creating a school club here."
"Oh yes, because heaven forbid my needs come before all of yours," Lyra said, activating sarcasm mode again, "It's not like I have a family who's going to worry about me if I'm gone for too long or anything. Oh wait, I do!"
"Look, we'll help you as soon as we decide what our club should be about," Ryuji said.
"You guys are that hellbent on making a school club, eh?" Lyra asked, causing the 14 teens to nod their heads, "You know what fine, I'll let you make your stupid club. Under the sole condition I get to help you all in deciding what it should be about."
"Sounds fair," Ann said, "What did you have in mind?"
Club #4: Math Club
The group is seen in a classroom environment again, only this time all 14 teens are behind some desks while Lyra is up front by the blackboard.
"Now it's time for everyone's favorite subject," Lyra began, "Math!"
"For real, guys," Ryuji began, "We're letting the little girl from another dimension that we just met make us participate in a stupid math club?"
"I don't know what the big deal is," Hayato said, "I like math."
"Dude, math as an acronym," Ryuji said, "It stands for Mental Abuse to Humans. You are a masochist if you like this stuff."
"Ryuji, calm down," Ren said, "How bad can this really be?"
As soon as Ren said that, Lyra came up behind him and put a metal collar around his neck. The little girl put metal collars around the other 13 teens necks before going back to the front of the class.
"Uh, Lyra, what's up with the metal collars?" Ichiro asked.
"Don't worry about it," Lyra said, only making the teenagers more nervous, "Alright, so let's start off with, like, a simple problem to start our club off."
Lyra the grabbed a math textbook and started reading it, "Felix has 19 bottles of dish soap. If he gives Chelsea five…"
"Uh, excuse me," Shiho asked, "Why does Felix have so many dish-"
Before Shiho could finish asking her question, Lyra took a remote out from her pocket, presses a big red button on it, and then…
ZAAAAP!
"AAAUGH!" The 14 teenagers screamed in pain. The metal collars that Lyra had put around the necks were actually shock collars that Lyra would activate should any of them get a question wrong or interrupt her.
When the shocking was over, they all looked at Lyra with angry and pained expressions on their faces.
"Don't interrupt me while I'm talking please," Lyra said, "Okay, let's try something I call a 'Math Rap'. I'm going to break out into a rhythm while also asking math questions, and it's up to you all to not only answer them, but keep up with the rhythm of my rap. Understand?"
After all 14 teenagers nod their heads Lyra begins:
Lyra: (Points at Hifumi) 1 + 1?
Hifumi: 2.
Lyra: (Points at Yuuki) 2 + 2
Yuuki: 4.
Lyra: (Points at Sumire) 4 + 4
Sumire: 8.
Lyra: (Points at Ryuji)8 + 8
Ryuji: I don't know.
Lyra: You don't know? Ay…(Clicks the button the remote again, shocking the 14 teenagers as the rap ends)
"Not that I'm questioning your methods, Lyra," Daisuke began, "But why do you have to shock all of us if only one of us gets a question wrong?"
"The way I see it, you're all a team," Lyra explained, "And a team is a packaged deal. If one of you fails, you all fail. Now then, if we're done, back to business."
Lyra then walked over to a nervous Futaba's desk, ready to give her a math problem, "Alright, here's an easy one. What's 9 + 10?"
Everyone looked over at Futaba as they waited for her to give her answer. Futaba meanwhile, her mind defaulting to internet memes, was struggling not to give a joke answer.
"Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't say it!" Futaba thought to herself before inevitably answering with, "21?"
There was a brief moment of silence before Lyra started to chuckle. Nervously, Futaba started to chuckle along with her as the other 13 teenagers followed suit. But then…
"NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE!" Lyra snapped before pushing the button and zapping the teenagers yet again.
"That's it!" Makoto shouted mid-zap.
Makoto got up from her desk, swatted the remote from Lyra's hands, causing it to fall on the floor, and then stomped on the remote, breaking it.
"We are done with Math Club!" Makoto shouted, "Let's do something else."
Makoto left the classroom with the other 13 teenagers following after her.
"Hmph, killjoy," Lyra pouted as she followed after the group.
Club #5: Hunting Club
The group of 15 were now seen in an open field. Ichiro was standing in front of the group, an assortment of guns right next to him as well as a silver briefcase.
"Alright, guys, welcome to the hunting club where we shoot animals for sport," Ichiro said.
"That's horrible," Shiho exclaimed.
"Settle down, Shiho, we're not going to kill the animals," Ichiro said as he pulled a rubber bullet out of his pocket, "We're going to shoot them with these rubber bullets. They'll just bounce off of whatever we're shooting out and leave a bruise. Not too bad, right?"
"Why would you even suggest a hunting club to begin with?" Haru asked, "I would've thought you'd pick gymnastics since that's your thing."
"I'm talented in many ways, Haru," Ichiro said as he grabbed the silver briefcase and took out a sash with badges on it, "During my time in the Tanuki Scouts, I earned just about every merit badge there was, with the 'Marksman Badge' being one of the first ones I've earned. I'm going to show you all today just how skilled of a gunman I can be, and maybe pass some of that wisdom down to you."
"Too bad he doesn't know I'm pretty good with a gun myself," Ren whispered over to Ryuji.
"Alright, now let's begin," Ichiro said as he grabbed a sniper rifle and put on a pair of sunglasses.
Meet the Snip, uh, I mean Meet the Ichiro
Ichiro: (As he's seen in the driver's seat of a truck; with an Australian accent) Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, outta doors. I guarantee you won't go hungry…
Makoto: (From a distance) Is there a point to all of this?
From inside the truck, Ichiro just glares at her before going back to his monologue.
Ichiro: (With an Australian Accent) Professionals have standards; Be police, be efficient, and have plan to kill everyone you…
Ryuji: GET ON WITH IT!
"Okay, fine," Ichiro said as he hopped out of the truck and rejoined everyone else, "Excuse me for trying to have a little fun."
After rejoining everyone else, Ichiro prepped his sniper rifle, and stepped up behind a barrier, ready to hunt.
"Watch and learn," Ichiro said as he took aim.
The first animal he shot with a rubber bullet was a bunny rabbit that came out of its burrow. The rabbit was sent hopping away, yelping in pain all the while. The next animal Ichiro shot was a deer, which also ran away upon getting hit with the rubber bullet. Finally, he aimed skyward and took down an eagle. Ichiro then turned to face his peers, a cocky grin on his face, "Ta-da," he said.
Hayato, having seen just how dangerous his friend could be with a gun, quickly took out a pen and pad and wrote down a piece of advice for himself which read, "Steer clear of Ichiro if he has a gun of any kind."
"Alright, who wants to go next?" Ichiro said as he looked over at Hayato, "Hayato!"
"WHAT?!" Hayato yelled in a startled tone, causing him to drop his pen and pad to the ground.
"You want to try?" Ichiro asked as he handed his friend his sniper rifle.
"Uh, okay," Hayato said as he took the gun from his friend and walked up to the barrier, "So all we have to do is shoot an animal, right?"
Hayato took a look through the scope of the gun as he looked for an animal to shoot. There was rustling coming from a nearby bush, and Morgana suddenly came walking out. When Hayato saw the black cat, he cocked the gun. The sound made Morgana turn in Hayato's direction as the scarlet haired man took aim.
"Found one," Hayato said.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Morgana shouted, but it was too late, Hayato had pulled the trigger and Morgana got hit with the rubber bullet, sending him running away.
"Nailed it!" Hayato said proudly before Ren hit him over the head for hurting his pet cat, knocking the scarlet haired boy unconscious. After that, Ren and Ann ran off to go look for Morgana to make sure he was alright, leaving the others present to start hunting.
As everyone else grabbed a gun, Hifumi, Yusuke, and Sumire had unamused looks on their faces. The three of them don't feel good about hunting and hurting poor, innocent animals.
"I'm not doing this," Hifumi said.
"Me neither," Yusuke said.
"Come on, you guys, let's go wait on the bus," Sumire said as the two Kosei students follow the red haired gymnast out of the area.
With Futaba, she grabs a double barrel 10 gauge shotgun and loads it with rubber bullets. Yuuki sees this and begins to worry about his girlfriend's safety.
"Be careful, babe," Yuuki said, "Those guns usually have a nasty kickback to them."
"Aw, you worry too much," Futaba said as she took aim with the shotgun, and pulled the trigger…only to get sent to the ground due to the aforementioned kickback. Yuuki as a result comes to his girlfriend's aide to make sure she wasn't seriously hurt.
Out in the field, Ryuji, Makoto, and Haru, all three of whom were wielding pistols, were chasing down their respective prey of deer, fox, and goat. They were running around, shooting blindly at their respective animal, so much so that they weren't paying attention to where they were running and the three of them end up running into each other.
Meanwhile, Daisuke and Shiho are riding horseback, with Daisuke serenading his girlfriend with a beautiful song.
"I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Shiho, now when did you last let your heart decide. I can open your eyes. Take you wonder by wonder. Over, sideways, and under on a-"
POW!
A rubber bullet hit the horse, sending the horse running for the hills like a bat out of hell, causing Daisuke and Shiho to fall off. The one who fired this bullet was none other than their multiversal visitor, Lyra. The girl was weidling a sniper rifle of her own and she was doing an excellent job on hunting the local wildlife. After shooting Shiho and Daisuke's horse, she them promptly shot a deer, and a whole flock of cuckoos.
"Ha, ha," Lyra laughed as she continued shooting her gun, "Thank you Uncle Jimbo."
"Holy dooley," Ichiro exclaimed as he watched the little girl expertly wield her gun. He knew he had to step up his game if he wanted to prove himself as the best hunter, "Not on my watch! Let me show you what I got!"
And with that, Ichiro moved double time when shooting at the wildlife. Both he and Lyra were in steady competition until, eventually, it was time to end it.
"Alright, boy, what do you say?" Lyra asked, "Next shot wins it all?"
"You're on!" Ichiro said.
Suddenly, there was a rustling coming from a nearby bush, catching both Lyra and Ichiro's attention.
"This one's all mine!" Lyra shouted as she took aim.
Ichiro looked over at Lyra and decided to take evasive action in order to defend his title.
"First, you yeet the loli," Ichiro said as he kicked the sniper rifle out of Lyra's hands, "Then, you beat the loli!"
BLAM!
Ichiro took the shot at whatever animal was in the bush, and the rubber bullet made contact with it. Unfortunately, the animal that the bullet hit was a big, mean, Asiatic Black Bear. The bear let out a mighty roar, scaring Ichiro out of his wits and paralyzing him with absolute fear.
"Uh, guys, a little help," Ichiro whimpered as he looked around for any of his friends, but they all left. Ren and Ann were still looking for Morgana, Yusuke, Hifumi, and Sumire went back to the bus, and everyone else scattered as soon as the bear showed up. Ichiro was completely on his own, "Guys?!"
The bear charged aggressively at the screaming gymnast, causing him to run for the bus as fast as he could, the bear chasing him all the way.
Club #6: Music Club
Back in the auditorium, Hayato was seen in the front row of the audience, with the rest of his friends and Lyra sitting behind him. The only person missing from this group is Daisuke.
"Okay, everybody, it's Music Time," Hayato announced, "Basically what's going to happen is you're all going to get up on stage and sing a little song."
"That's all this club is about?" Ryuji asked, "No contest or stakes involved, just singing?"
"Yup," Hayato responded, "First up is Daisuke Watanabe. Show him some love, y'all!"
Everyone clapped as Daisuke started to sing his song.
Daisuke: When you walk away, you don't hear me say, 'Please, oh baby, don't go!' Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight. It's hard to let it go!
Hayato nods with approval as Daisuke continues to sing. We then cut to whatever songs the rest of the group has to sing.
(Singer #2)
Sumire: Take me on a trip I'd like to go someday. Take me to New York. I'd like to see L.A. I really want to come kick it with you…
(Singer #3)
Ryuji: Wake up! Our life is calling! We're smoke, but not a fire! Give us a sign that we're alive! Snap out of indecision! Have we been hypnotized, to think that everything's alright?
(Singer #4)
Ichiro: Never take a 'L' no more. Never take a damn thing slow. All I know is chase this dough and get money. Never gonna take no loss. Never gonna lose my sauce. Always gonna chase this, whoa, and get money!
(Singer #5)
Makoto: And I could tell it wouldn't be long 'till we was with me, yeah, me! Singin' 'I love rock n' roll! So, put another dime in the jukebox, baby! I love rock n' roll! So come and take your time and dance with me!'
(Singer #6)
Haru: Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the flooooooooor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the flooooooooor!
"What the hell?" Hayato asked himself as the floofy haired girl sang her unexpected song.
(Singer #7)
Yuuki: I wish I was special. You're so fuckin' special. But I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
"Well this is just depressing," Hayato said.
(Singers #8 and #9)
Ren and Ann: Lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. I'm lucky to be coming home again. I'm lucky we're in love in every way. Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed. Lucky to be coming home someday.
Their song was so beautiful it left Hayato in tears.
"It…It's so beautiful," Hayato sobbed, "You two are so beautiful!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, Hayato's balls have left the building," Ryuji joked, only to get elbowed by Makoto.
(Singer #10)
Futaba: Players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off. I shake it off.
(Singer #11)
Shiho: Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alejandro. I'm not your babe, I'm not your babe, Fernando. Don't want a kiss. Don't want a touch. Just smoke one cigarette and hush. Don't call my name, don't call my name, Roberto.
(Singer #12)
Lyra is seen singing to a sign that reads 'WildCard0531'
Lyra: And I….HOLY SHIT! (Throws a tomato at the sign) Will always love you…(Looks at the sign while pointing at the group of 14 in the audience) I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME, GODDAMN IT! (Knocks the sign down) HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?
As Lyra has her little rampage/tantrum on stage, the group of 14 just look at her with wide eyed expressions.
"That little girl has a screw loose," Hayato said.
(Singer #13)
Yusuke: 'Cause I, I, I'm in the stars tonight. So watch me bring the fire and set the night alight. Shining through the city with a little funk and soul. So I'ma light it up like dynamite, whoa oh oh!
(Singer #14)
"And last but not least, my darling Hifumi," Hayato announced, "Knock 'em dead, baby!"
"Lights, please," Hifumi said somewhere on stage.
The lights on stage get turned on as music starts playing. A disco ball comes down from above with Hifumi sitting upon it. Hifumi herself is wearing a sequined gray dress, and her hair was done up in a bun. And then she starts to beautifully sing.
Hifumi: Someone found a letter you wrote me on the radio. And they told the world just how you felt. It must have fallen out of a hole in your old brown overcoat. They never said your name, but I knew just who they meant.
As Hifumi sang, the rest of the group was taken aback, truly amazed by the Shogi player's pageantry and singing abilities. Hayato especially was amazed, and he had hearts in his eyes as he enjoyed his girlfriend's performance. She then hops off the disco ball to continue singing.
Hifumi: Whoa-oh-oh-oh! I was so surprised and shocked, and I wondered too. If, by chance, you heard it for yourself. I never told a soul just how I've been feeling over you. But…
(Cue more colorful lights as the music picks up tempo)
Hifumi:...they said it really loud, they said it on the air, on the radio! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! On the radio! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! On the radio! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! On the radio! Whoa-oh-oh-now-now!
The audience starts to dance along with Hifumi as she continues to sing and bop to the beat on stage
Hifumi: Don't it kinda strike you sad when you hear our song? Things are not the same since we broke up last June. The only thing that I wanna hear is that you love me still. And that you think you'll be coming home real soon!
"I'll always be home for you, Hifumi, darling!" Hotaru shouted, absolutely fanboying over his girlfriend.
Hifumi: Whoa-oh-oh-oh. Yeah, it kinda made me feel proud when I heard him say. You couldn't find the words to say it yourself. And now in my heart, I know I can say what I really feel. 'Cause they said it really loud, they said it on the air! On the radio, whoa-oh-oh-oh, On the radio…
Everyone danced and sang along with Hifumi, completely enthralled by the performance she was giving.
"Your girlfriend can really sing, dude," Ryuji told Hayato.
"I know," Hayato said, "I'm the luckiest boy in the world to have a girl like her! Nothing can possibly ruin this moment!"
Gilligan Cut To…
Everyone is outside the auditorium as it's in flames. All 15 members of the group just stare in shock at the freak incident that just occurred.
"Okay, so was Hifumi's performance so 'fire' that it actually caused a fire?" Ryuji asked.
"No, I think there was something up with the wiring," Makoto told her boyfriend, "I think we used too many lights."
"Well, Hayato's Music Club is a bust," Futaba said, "What do we do now?"
After a brief moment of silence, Hayato had this to say, "All it takes is three claps!"
Hayato clapped three times before the other 14 people with him start cheering, clapping, and dancing along with him.
Club #7: Board Game/Video Game Club
Now Hifumi presents her idea for a school club. She's seated behind a table with a board game on it, as everyone, with the exception of Futaba and Yuuki, is sitting around said table.
"Okay, guys, welcome to my Board Game Club!" Hifumi announced proudly.
"We're not going to be playing Shogi, are we?" Ann asked, "You're going to mop the floor with all of us if we do."
"No, I'm feeling nice today, so I figured we'd start our first official meeting with something simple," Hifumi said as she unboxed the board game on the table and set it up, "Today, we'll be playing 'Shafts and Staircases' (Chutes and Ladders).
"Oh, count me in," Yusuke said.
"And me too," Hayato chimed in.
"Isn't this game for babies?" Ryuji asked.
"So what if it is?" Hifumi asked, "This is our first meeting after all. So it should be about easing ourselves in, and spreading around positive vibes."
"Oh shit, now we vibin'," Lyra said.
"I can get behind that," Ren concurred.
"Me too," Ann said.
"Do we hear you want a club that offers more of a challenge?" Futaba is heard saying on the other side of the room, causing everyone to look in her direction.
What they see is Futaba and Yuuki standing in front of a large T.V screen, a video game console hooked up to it, rows of bean bag chairs in front of the T.V, and a table with bowls full of snacks.
"Why don't you come over here to mine and Yuuki's Video Game Club!" Futaba asked.
"We have all of the video games you could ever want to play," Yuuki said, "Comfy chairs to play your games in, and delicious, delicious food to nosh on. Come on over and have a ball!"
The following people go over to Futaba and Yuuki's Video Game club: Ryuji, Makoto, Haru, Sumire, Ichiro, and Ren.
"Hey, what gives?" Hifumi frowned as she watched the six teenagers go to the gamer couple's club. "You two can't steal my club members!"
"They're not your property," Futaba said, "They can do and go whatever and wherever they want."
"Well I came up with the idea for a Board Game Club first," Hifumi said, "You should've come up with a Video Game club sooner."
"All this fighting is pointless, girls," Yusuke said, "This is a big enough room. Why don't we just share it? Hifumi can have one half while Futaba and Yuuki can have the other."
Neither Hifumi nor Futaba were willing to settle this debate in a peaceful manner. The two girls stared each other down, and everyone backed away, expecting a catfight to take place. What happens instead is this…
CRASH!
Everyone looked to see where the crashing noise came from, and it was Lyra who had just taken a hammer to the video game console and the T.V. She then walked over to the Shafts and Staircases game and threw it out the window. The teenagers just stared at the little girl in shock, surprised that she'd resort to property damage to resolve a dispute.
"There, since you both aren't willing to settle your differences peacefully, now none of you get what you want." Lyra said, "So, shall we continue with a club that we can all agree on?"
Lyra left the room as the teenager stared after her.
"That girl just ain't right," Daisuke said.
Club #8: Mystery Club
The group is now in a dark room. Everyone is gathered around a table with Haru at the head of it.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Haru began, "Welcome to the Mystery Club."
"I can't say I've heard of a mystery club before," Sumire said, "What are we meant to do here?"
….
"It's a mystery," Haru said.
"Haru, we're serious," Ren said, "What do we do here?"
"Oh young, naive Ren," Haru said, "That's exactly it."
"Is this some kind of zen riddle?" Lyra asked.
Everyone just looked at each other, trying to figure out where Haru is going with her club idea.
"The first rule of Mystery Club…" Haru began, only to get cut off by Makoto."
"Haru, if the next words out of your mouth are 'do not talk about Mystery Club,' I'm walking out of here," Makoto said.
"Of course that's not the first rule of Mystery Club," Haru said, "That's more like the fifth or sixth rule. But anyway, the first rule is to try and figure out what Mystery Club is."
"You couldn't think of a club idea, could you?" Ryuji asked.
"Silence!" Haru shouted before reaching beneath the table and taking out a box, "I have here a box. A box of…mystery! And inside this box holds the secret to find out what this club is about. Who wants to open it?"
"I'll do it!" Shiho offered.
"Alright, Shiho, open it," Haru said as she slid the box across the table to the volleyball player, "Your destiny awaits you."
Shiho excitedly opens the box as everyone gathers around her to see what's inside it. Just when Shiho is about to open it completely, the footage pauses and Haru walks into frame to address the audience.
"Sorry, boys and girls," Haru said, "But this next clip is…a mystery!"
Static
When the static clears, it's revealed that whatever was inside the box caused untold destruction to the dark room which is now on fire. Futaba just stares at the destruction before saying, "Wow, they'll never let us show that again. Not in a million years."
Then they tried a bunch of other clubs, but they sucked at all of them.
The group of 15 are now seen back in the classroom, completely exhausted and spent of all their energy. They're either passed out on the floor, or sitting behind one of the desks with their heads laying on it. Making a successful school club was a lot harder than they thought.
"Man, everything sucked so much ass it's not even that funny," Daisuke frowned.
"I know," Yuuki said, "All of our ideas sucked."
"There's gotta be something we can all enjoy together," Hifumi said as Ryuji raised his hand, "And don't say Nudity Club, Ryuji!" Ryuji lowers his hand.
"What about a Tennis Club?" Ren suggested.
"I swear if you make me do another physical activity, I'm going to scream," Futaba said.
"What about a Friendship Club?" Haru asked.
"We kind of already are one," Makoto said, "And after your Mystery Club went over so poorly, you are not allowed to make any more club ideas!"
Hearing that made Haru frown. But suddenly, Ann shot up form her desk, having come up with an idea herself.
"Wait, guys, I have an idea!" Ann exclaimed.
"What is it, sweetie?" Ren asked his girlfriend causing her to come over to him and whisper in his ear.
Sometime later
The group is seen in a room full of couches and beds. Ann is standing in the middle of the room while everyone else, with the exception of Lyra, are seen laying down on one of the comfy surfaces in the room, looking as though they're about to take a nap.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Ann began, "Welcome to the Lazy Club!"
"Keep it down," Ichiro said, "Some of us are trying to sleep."
"Oh, sorry, Ichiro," Ann said.
"You know, Ann," Makoto said, "This is a good idea."
"Especially after the long, weird day we've all had," Yusuke said with a yawn.
"I'm glad you all liked it," Ann smiled.
"Yeah, good for you all, you've found a club that you all can enjoy," Lyra said impatiently, "Now can you take me home?"
"Well, a deal's a deal," Yuuki said as he grabbed a pencil and pad that was laying next to him, "We found a good club idea, so you can go home now."
Yuuki then wrote another Multiversal Portal on his pad causing another portal to open up.
"Well, here's to hoping that this next leap is the leap home," Lyra said as she approached the portal. Before leaving the looked around at the 14 teenagers, "I hope we never meet again."
"Same to you, girlie," Ryuji said.
With nothing else to say, Lyra steps through the portal, sending her home and leaving the 14 teenagers to nap in peace.
"Well now that that's done, I think I'll settle for a nap myself," Ann said with a cute yawn before turning to Ren, "Can I sleep in your bed, babe?"
"I'd be insulted if you didn't," Ren said as Ann got in the same bed as her boyfriend, and they started to spoon.
"Today might have been a weird day," Ichiro began, "But at least it's all over now. We found a club idea we all liked. We sent that multiversal brat packing. All is right with the world."
As soon as he said that, a loud 'thudding' noise was heard against one of the walls.
"What was that?" Hayato asked.
After a few more thudding noises, something busted through the wall. It was the Asiatic Black Bear from earlier! It had found the teenagers and it clearly wants revenge on them, Ichiro especially.
The bear lets out a mighty roar as the group of 14 start to scream and panic as the story comes to an end.