DECEIT

From as far as the eye could see, sky blue consumed the world. Small swirls of puffy light clouds were scattered across the sky, like white paint splattered across a blanket. A family of taupe coloured birds glided across the sky, small chirps colliding with the gentle swishing of the water against the concrete canal walls. The quiet was calming, still and steady like a slow ticking metronome. Her eyes fluttered shut, taking a deep breath. The air was fresh, nearly burning her lungs as it filled them. It had been so long since she'd inhaled such clean and crisp air, her body almost didn't recognise the sensation. A soft breeze blew through her untamed hair, rustling her loose maroon shawl wrapped around her shoulders. The fall weather had been unkindly chilling, leaving the couple to wrap up in several layers when they weren't physically intertwined creating their own heat. As she stood on the bow of the barge, her thick itchy black jumper kept the heat of her chest. Her flowy long matching black skirt had also been paired with thick woolly black tights after Alfie had insisted she wear more layers. When he wasn't watching she'd slip them off to dangle her feet in the cold water and was transported to little eight year old Sophie doing the very same thing.

The Solomons had been on the boat for two weeks and a half, Sophie having convinced Alfie to stay a little longer once the first week had finished. She suspected that Alfie actually enjoyed life on the water more than he let on and it suited her perfectly. Since Polly had revealed that Sophie was pregnant, her mind had been whirring constantly. While she was happy, she was incredibly nervous and unsure about it. She loved Alfie and wanted to create a family with him but she hadn't imagined doing it so soon. Things she'd never spent much time contemplating were fighting at the forefront of her mind. Central London was no place to raise a baby, even if their father wasn't the head of one of the biggest gangs in the city. She'd always envisioned raising her children the way she grew up, wild and free with plenty of space to run and play. Sophie wanted her children to ride horses, travel and see the country the same way she had. Although it gave her slight ease to see Alfie concede that boat life wasn't as bad as he'd expected, she knew he couldn't live like this forever. That's why she hadn't told him yet. They'd left the day after the wedding and jumped on a barge, constantly moving and preoccupying Sophie's nervous thoughts.

"Not gonna jump in are you?" Alfie's voice reached her ears. Withdrawing from her thoughts, she exhaled amusingly.

"Never a bad time for a swim." She teased. Though her eyes were still closed, she could hear his heavy steps around the rim of the boat get closer.

"Oh yeah I bet the guests of the Titanic thought the same thing." He scoffed. Opening her eyes, she gave him a small smile as he stood next to her, looking out in front of them.

"Well, aren't you chipper this morning." said Sophie.

"I'm a permanent ray of sunshine, love." He grunted. Sophie leant into him and he positioned his arm to hold her close into his side.

"I know you want to go home." She said softly.

"I didn't say anything." He huffed. Sophie gave him a sly smile, sinking into his side and pulling her shawl tighter around her as the wind picked up. The two stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes, content to just be close. Alfie hesitantly broke the silence. "What are we doing here, Soph?"

"I just thought it would be nice-"

"Don't give me that, you've been quiet since the wedding. Don't tell me you're regretting it now, love?" He interrupted. Alfie had noticed since they had left the morning after the wedding that something was off with Sophie. She seemed constantly on edge, and he would often catch her sitting out on the front of the barge at night with her feet dangling in the icy water. She'd wait til she thought he'd fallen asleep after their sex and sneak out quietly. One night he'd woken up in a panic when she was nowhere to be found and had crawled out of the cabin and spotted her.

Suddenly, Sophie lurched forward and bent over the edge of the boat before throwing up her digested breakfast from earlier that morning. Her tiny body heaved painfully as it ejected the food from her system. Alfie instinctively dropped to his knees painfully beside her and held her hair back from her face. After several moments, Sophie finally ceased vomiting and slumped back against the outside of the cabin, breathing heavily.

"Fucking hell Soph, if you weren't feeling well you could've just said. We can go back home and call the fucking doctor, alright?" He stressed, sitting back.

"I'm pregnant, Alfie." She admitted quietly.

"You what?" He stuttered. His eyes were wide and eyebrows raised in disbelief. Of all the things he'd imagined could be behind her weird attitude, pregnancy had never been one.

"Pregnant." She said, a little louder that time. "Polly told me at the wedding. It makes sense, I'd been feeling different, I knew something was off but I just didn't realise the signs."

"That's- Sophie, this is-" He struggled to find the words. He was ecstatic, elated and overjoyed all at the same time. Alfie didn't think he'd ever been so genuinely happy, but then he noticed Sophie's grim face.

"What, you're not happy? Don't want my fucking baby, huh?" He exclaimed defensively.

"Fuck off. I want your baby, I want this, with you. I just…" She sighed. Her small fists rubbed at her eyes angrily as she sniffed harshly, trying to keep her tears at bay. "We're not ready…I'm not ready."

Alfies temper was threatening to burst, his confusion stoking its flames. He was struggling to understand the source of Sophie's upset, his mind resorting to it being something that was his fault.

"I've always wanted kids of my own one day, you know? But I… I always saw it being out in the fields on horses amongst the shit and the soil. Or on a boat like this, catching and skinning your own food and just being completely free." She sniffed again, dropping her hands and staring directly into the confused and hurt eyes of her husband.

"I love you, Alfie, and I love our life together and I love this baby. But I just feel so…trapped. I hate London. I'm sorry I know that's your world and your life but it's just so suffocating, I don't belong there. What if our kids like me? What if they don't belong their either? I feel like a fucking animal in a cage and I-I-I can deal with that, I can adapt, I guess, but I can't do that to our child. I'm sorry, I'm sorry" She began to sob hysterically.

"Soph-" Alfie cooed, a sympathetic small frown on his face as he tried to move closer to her.

"No! Alfie I love the home you've made us and I know how much you want that for us but I just feel so shit, okay? You do all of that for me and I'm just fucking miserable but I don't fit. I haven't ridden a horse in fuck knows how long. King's probably forgotten all about me and he won't let anyone else ride him so he's probably so sad and lonely and that's my fault-"

"Sophie." Alfie cut her rambling off, shaking her lightly as he pulled her into a warm embrace. Grasping her face firmly, he forced her attention onto his face.

"We'll move." He stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"W-w-what?" She stuttered. Her eyes had grown wide in shock, searching his face for any insincerity and yet all she found was his kind eyes gazing back at her.

"I always thought we would eventually anyway, I fucking hate London, Soph. Too many fucking people." He grumbled, momentarily distracted remembering the stuffiness of the town.

"But you-"

"Sophie it can't be immediate, alright? Gotta tie everything up, make sure it can run without me, yeah? But I fucking promise Soph, we'll find somewhere you can have horses and fucking run around barefoot for acres if you want you fucking wild feral thing." He cracked, a cheeky grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"But you gotta stop working with your brothers alright? It's too dangerous. They're fucking idiots yeah and they're gonna get you killed. You can do whatever you want, open a fucking butchers for all I care, but we get out of this business together, yeah love?"

Sophie stilled, processing his words through her mind. A few months ago she wouldn't have hesitated to agree, but her conversation with Tommy at their wedding replayed in her mind.

"Soph, when this business begin, I'm gonna need you with me." Tommy said, his voice lowered to avoid detection from the people dancing around them. The two danced naturally to the mid tempo music blasting through the hall, Tommy had asked to dance with her which now was clearly a ploy to talk business away from Alfie and the rest of their family. Sophie's eyes darted to Alfie who was standing in the corner of the room with Raisa straightening his collar and scolding him about something he'd said.

"Don't do this, Tom. I've got a bad feeling about all of this, the Russians are bad news." She replied, keeping her eyes surveying across the room.

"You know why I have no option." He pressed. The information he'd shared with her and only her, weighed heavy on her mind. If he didn't comply with the Crown's request to deal with the Russians he'd likely be hanged for the murder of the Field Marshal. Sophie sighed deeply.

"Get in, get out." She advised. "And keep your fucking wits about you. I know Grace is back and that's great, but don't let it distract you, alright?"

"That's why I need your help. I'm keeping Grace out of all of this, so there's going to be times I need you to fill in." Thomas explained.

"For fuck sake, Tom. So now I'm at risk too?" She hissed, keeping her face calm. The last thing she needed was Alfie interrupting this conversation.

"No, Soph it's all on my fucking head. That's why I need you, if we fail at this I'm gone. I can't trust myself completely, I need your support."

"Who else knows about this?" Said Sophie.

"Arthur and John know we're making deals with the Russians, they don't know why but you know them."

"You say jump, they ask how high." She mocked. "Fine, alright, I'll do it. Just… I can't tell Alfie. I mentioned it to him a little before and he freaked."

"Between us then."

Tommy had seemed scared, an emotion Sophie was not used to seeing on her older brother. It made sense, of course, he had more to lose now. Grace and Charles were in the picture now. He'd had a glimpse of what it is like to have his own little family and knowing that that could be ripped from him if he messed this up was enough to spook him. His fear set Sophie's teeth on edge, she felt uneasy about the whole thing. Not to mention something deep inside of her was stirring apprehensively. Black tar was pooling in her gut, weighing her down every time she thought about the whole ordeal and the Russians they would be dealing with. She was stuck, just as Thomas was, fear driving her mind. She had to keep going, or else.

"Okay, deal." She lied.