A/N: This arch will be split into three parts. If you didn't read the last chapter because it was based on anime filler, please go back and read it because moments and events of that chapter are cited in this one.
"Inner Sakura..."
"Sakura's thoughts..."
Memory...
"Dialogue..."
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Sakura sat beside Sasuke's hospital bed, just as she had roughly a week and a half before when Sasuke was comatose. They'd arrived back from the Land of Tea the previous evening. Sasuke hadn't even been hospitalized a full twenty-four hours yet and they were already talking about releasing him that night, or the next morning at the latest. Sakura hadn't been wrong when she'd said it'd only take a day or two at most for him to get better.
Neither had spoken. She sat peeling an apple for him, trying her best to deny the still present bad feeling she had.
"Maybe if I ignore it…it'll just go away…"
"When have our problems ever just gone away? Nothing gets better by just closing our eyes and wishing! We know that!"
"Yeah…but I also always had some idea of what I was supposed to do to fix the problem…When we had no income, I figured out how to sell things, busk and do odd jobs. When mom got sick, I knew I had to learn whatever I could about illnesses, medicines, first aid, treatments…when I needed to train I had a direction—my chakra control and weaponizing my dancing…but this…Something's wrong with Sasuke-kun and I don't know what I can do for him…I don't even have the smallest sense. It feels like nothing I say is gonna connect. Besides, maybe I'm overthinking. What was it Sasuke-kun said? Don't make it a problem until it is one."
She wished some of the other members of Team 7 were here right now. As deeply in love with and connected to Sasuke as she felt, she knew there was something about his relationship with Naruto that was just…it was different. It was sort of like her and Ino in a sense, although with less obvious care. Sasuke and Naruto were rivals, but in their constant competition, there was a level of respect that the two didn't hold toward anyone else. When it came to team work, they didn't need to talk, they just knew what the other was going to do in the moment. A split second heat of battle moment and they knew the whole plan—how to work around and with each other. Utilize each other's strengths. They didn't even have to look at each other to know, it just…happened. She and Sasuke in the Land of Tea had a couple moments where they hadn't needed to talk to know what the other was thinking, but they did have to look at each other, exchange eye contact or nod or read the other's body language. And it had never been in the heat of real intense battle. Those Wagarashi thugs didn't really count as battling. But with him and Naruto, it was like they could read each others minds. Maybe Naruto would know what to say to him, but Naruto was out eating with Iruka.
"On second thought…I may have been laughing at the time, but I wasn't kidding when I said Naruto and Sasuke-kun could turn anything into an argument…with Sasuke-kun's mood like this, maybe Naruto's not the best person to talk to him…"
Kakashi had apparently gotten back from his mission late last night, so he might have still been sleeping…Sakura shook her head a little and focused back on her task. She'd finished peeling the apple, now she just had to cut it up for him.
Sasuke was sitting up, staring down at his hospital blanket, a depressed look on his face. He couldn't get Itachi out of his head…the words he'd spoken to him as he put him under the Tsukiyomi…
…you are still too weak…you don't have enough hate…
He glanced over at Sakura, quietly cutting away at an apple, a pensive look on her face.
He thought of the smile she'd given Naruto as he'd recounted how he'd beat Gaara, thought about how Naruto had reached her first when she drowned in the Land of Tea.
Naruto…
With more shadow clones than he could count bearing down on Gaara, while Sasuke was useless, watching Sakura suffocate.
Naruto…
Summoning that giant katana wielding toad, while he couldn't do anything but hold onto Sakura as she whimpered in agony and gasped for breath.
Naruto…
Creating a huge whirlpool in the ocean with a jutsu he'd never seen before, while he could do nothing but struggle against water clones as Sakura drowned.
Sasuke's teeth clenched, his brow furrowed, sweating under the stress of it all.
"Sasuke-kun, you need to eat, have some apples." Sakura said, finally looking up at him as she held out the plate.
Sasuke smacked the plate out of her hand with a growl, sending the apple pieces flying and the plate clattering to the floor. Sakura didn't flinch. She didn't make a sound. She just stared at him wide eyed as he immediately turned his face away towards the window. His out of nowhere reaction hadn't shocked her, because she'd been more caught by the look on his face…and how it brought the snake man she feared and hated so much to the front of her mind.
I just gave him a little gift to remember me by…Rest assured, Sasuke will come to me…in his quest for power.
"…What was that about this not being a problem?"
Sasuke had turned away from her the second his hand had made contact with the plate. He didn't want to see the hurt look on her face. She wasn't who he was upset and frustrated with. This wasn't her fault and she didn't deserve his anger. Not when she was the one here, dutifully looking after him when no one else was. But…her smile at Naruto for beating the opponent he couldn't…Her acknowledgement of Idate's speed outclassing his own…Her cheers and praise to Naruto while he battled…they all cut into him. Not as deeply as Itachi's words, or Naruto's success where he failed…but they cut none the less. And he was so frustrated by his own weakness. So so angry…It made him want to punch…no. Beat someone. Naruto. He needed to fight him. And to win.
There was a long heavy silence as Sakura stared at the floor, sad and unsure, and Sasuke looked broodingly out the window. That was the scene Naruto walked in on.
Sasuke's head whipped towards the door the second he heard it slide open. And there was the object of his frustration. The second he caught sight of Naruto's sunny blond hair, he was glaring darkly, with more menace than he ever had. Sakura's wide eyes bounced between the two anxiously, while Naruto jolted at the sudden hostility aimed at him.
"Wh-What?! Wh-Why you starin' at me like that?"
"…Naruto."
"Wh-What?!"
"Fight…me!"
Sakura's eyes widened, her jaw dropping. "Fight…not spar. Fight. No. No! This is bad. It's wrong! He's too intense for this…he shouldn't fight anyone in this state, much less a teammate!"
"Huh?! You're still recovering. What're you talking about?"
"Shut up and fight me!" Sasuke growled, his sharingan blazing. The two stood facing off, glaring at each other.
"His sharingan!? He's too worked up! If they fight like this—"
"IT'S A PROBLEM, SHANNARO! THERE IS DEFINITELY A PROBLEM!"
"Sasuke-kun that's enough! You're not fully recovered, stop this!" When she was met with no response, her gaze quickly shifted towards Naruto. "Say something, Naruto! This is a bad idea!"
Naruto smirked. "…The timing couldn't be better! I want to fight you too…"
"Wh-What?! No! You idiots! You need to listen to me!" Her pleas continued to fall on deaf ears.
"Come with me." Sasuke ordered with a cock of his head.
Naruto grunted his disapproving agreement.
Sasuke walked out of the room, a piece of cut apple squishing under his foot as he went.
Sakura stood frozen staring at the crushed apple on the floor, a horrible feeling churning through her stomach.
"They…They always fight. I shouldn't be freaking out like this but…"
I just gave him a little gift to remember me by…Rest assured, Sasuke will come to me…in his quest for power.
I'm an avenger…'Am I strong enough?' Finding that out is all that matters to me right now…Not even for your sake…will I turn away from the path that leads to my goal!
"Why does it feel…more and more…it feels like Orochimaru was right! Shit!"
Sakura sprinted out of the room, and up to the roof, stopping in the doorway to the steps as she stared at her two teammates.
Naruto stared Sasuke down, trying to figure out what it was he was feeling. His stomach felt tight.
You're one of the ones I want to fight…
And he was getting the chills.
"Ha!"
Sasuke twitched. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing's funny! I'm just happy. To think…I can finally beat you!" Naruto smirked.
Itachi's words and face continuously flashed through Sasuke's mind.
To take Naruto with us is the supreme order given unto us by the Akatsuki.
Naruto had been more important to Itachi than his own brother.
"What was that? Sounds like something a loser would say, for sure."
"I won't always be the loser slowing everybody down…"
That was Sasuke's fear. That he'd replaced Naruto in that position.
Go away…I have absolutely no interest in you!
Sasuke's fists tightened.
"You are a loser! Who are you fooling?!"
"Heh…you're talking a lot of trash, Bastard. It's not like you." Naruto stated with a cocky smile. "Are you regretting calling me out, Sasuke?"
"Shut up and bring it!" Sasuke barked.
"Put on your hitai-ate first. I'll wait."
"I don't need it…"
"Just put it on!"
"You won't even be able to put a scratch on my forehead!"
"That's not why!" Naruto shouted, angry that Sasuke was dismissing the meaning behind it. "This is the symbol of two Konoha shinobi fighting as equals!"
Sakura's breathing began to pick up. She wasn't sure what Naruto was currently thinking, and Sasuke was being an asshole…the two always argued, maybe he thought this was par for the course…but he was saying all the wrong things at the moment. That much was obvious to her. She'd never seen Sasuke this worked up aside from when he'd faced Orochimaru and Itachi.
"I already asked you, who you think you're fooling?! You think we're equals?!"
"Yeah I do! I've always been as good as you!"
"You're really pissing me off, Naruto!"
"That's cuz you're still weak! Isn't that why, Sasuke?!"
"Oh shit! No! Naruto, of all the worst possible things you could say right now, that…!"
"NARUTO!"
"SASUKE!"
The two charged each other, each catching the other's blows. Sasuke swung his foot up to kick Naruto, who quickly pushed away from him, dodging. Naruto's fingers formed a seal. Sasuke's eyes widened, if he was going to do that, then all bets were off, there was no holding back.
"Multi shadow clone jutsu!"
"No! Why is he escalating this?! He shouldn't be escalating! Keep it to taijutsu, damnit! Or this could end worse than it was going to! I have to do something! What do I do?! They won't listen to me!"
Sasuke was surrounded by a swarm of Narutos. He swiftly and gracefully began kicking and punching his way through the clones, his movements fluid and dancelike…not to the extent that Sakura's were, but it was beautiful to watch none the less.
"What would it be like to dance with Sasuke-kun?"
But her inner voice was much much quieter than usual, drowned out by her increasing anxiety and helplessness at the situation. She barely even heard it, the thought floating to the back of her subconscious.
"Stop it you two!" But her voice was lost to their combat.
Sasuke leaped into a handstand, taking out two more clones, when suddenly four slid under him, kicking up.
"U—"
"Zu—"
"Ma—"
"Ki—"
Sasuke put up his forearms to block any further attack as he was sent into the air. He quickly switched tactics, his hands racing through signs, when he felt a presence coming up behind him. He glanced back in time to twist himself around and barely blocked Naruto's hammer kick with his forearms.
"Naruto Barrage!"
Naruto's eyes widened when he recognized the position of Sasuke's fingers. That was a tiger sign, which meant—
"Fire style: Fireball jutsu!"
A huge swath of flames bathed the roof of the hospital, dispersing many of Naruto's clones.
"We're in the middle of the village on the roof of the hospital! They shouldn't be using jutsu like this! Someone will get hurt! What can I do to stop them…Come on, think!"
But she was at a loss…no thoughts came as she watched their escalating battle.
The flames dispersed to reveal Naruto holding a swirling mass of chakra in his palm.
Sasuke stared at the ball of chakra. Just what was that jutsu? This was what Naruto had used to cause that whirlpool in the Land of Tea but…what the hell was it? When had he learned a jutsu like this?!
"Take this!" He grabbed his left wrist, his palm flexed as lightening surged up around his arm. "Chidori!"
"That Chidori's too big! He could kill Naruto with that! And that ball of chakra Naruto's holding—there's no way that won't do severe damage! They're gonna kill each other!"
"Both of you…" They were both coming at each other on the diagonal, Naruto running to leap up to Sasuke, while Sasuke dropped down from above. Her heart skittered, panic surging through her. Her body moved on its own, suddenly sprinting in between them. Their eyes went wide in shock—Shit! They couldn't stop, their momentum was too great. They were going to hit Sakura! Sasuke bit his lip hard. Why the hell did she have to get in the way?! The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Sakura, definitely not more than he already had earlier…but he couldn't stop now what the hell was he gonna do?!
"BOTH OF YOU STOP!" She knew what was about to happen…knew her panic was about to trigger her curse. When she'd been caught by Gaara's sand, her chakra had blown the sand off of her. Naruto had told her it saved her…that it wasn't a curse.
"Please…this time, please save them!"
Her chakra erupted from her with such force, it blew them off course, sending them back into the hospital water tanks. Sakura collapsed to her knees, screaming.
Calm down…
Her hand jerked to her hair, just as someone appeared in front of her, forcing a light purple liquid into her mouth.
She felt herself begin to calm a bit.
"Sakura, share your chakra with me."
"K-Kakashi-sensei?"
"Take my hand, Skaura."
Sakura grasped his ungloved hand, focusing and letting her chakra seep into him. Her sedative had calmed from her outright panic, and her chakra production was slowing, but the sadness and fear of what just happened remained. Her teammates had been about to kill each other…Sasuke…he seemed so dark…She was no longer screaming, but the tears wouldn't stop.
Kakashi stared down at her, carefully monitoring as her chakra calmed down. Of all the times to be late…if only he'd gotten here a little sooner…he hadn't even been prepared. He hadn't expected a situation that would trigger her, and since he'd have to meet with he Hokage right after, he hadn't thought to bring the sedative she'd given him with him. Thank god she carried them on her at all times. He'd grabbed the first vial he'd found from her pouch and she hadn't even seemed to notice…at least it worked. His focus switched to Naruto and Sasuke, who were grunting as they pulled their arms from the water tanks they'd been thrown into. In a way it was a good thing she'd triggered her kekkei genkai. It had just saved her from being hit by both of those attacks…That technique Naruto had used was without a doubt the rasengan. What was going on? Why was he using that? And why were those two fighting on the roof of the hospital in the first place? Kakashi hadn't gotten a chance to check in with them after their mission, so he'd planned on doing that today, except as soon as he'd woken up, he'd gotten a summons for another mission from the Hokage…their forces really were spread thin right now…still, he'd been determined to check on his team first. But with what he'd just witnessed…
"What are you two doing up here? That was a little much for just a spar. What's wrong with you two?"
Sasuke felt a deep satisfaction at the amount of damage his attack had done to the water tank. Water was shooting out of it in a rush, as opposed to Naruto's tank, which merely had a small hole the water was spurting out from. Sasuke's attack had been more powerful, done more damage. That had to mean he was stronger, right?
"Sasuke…what do you think you're doing? That chidori wasn't the size you'd aim at a friend from the Village. Are you actually trying to kill Naruto?"
Sasuke glared at his teacher mutely. Had…had he been trying to kill Naruto? No. He didn't…Naruto was almost like…like a little brother. He didn't want to kill him but…he just kept getting stronger and stronger, and at a rate that was almost terrifying. The power Naruto had…while Sasuke just kept failing. He was supposed to be stronger than this, damnit! So he had to beat Naruto! He had to…he had to win. If he won, that would mean he was still strong, that he could get stronger, that he could get the power he needed to kill Itachi. He felt nauseated to think he'd almost hit Sakura…that her curse had triggered because of him. Why did she have to get in the way, damnit?! This wasn't her problem! She should have stayed back! This was between him and Naruto, to see who was stronger…now that their battle had been halted, they didn't have an answer. But he had to know! Because if Naruto could beat him now…then his training here wasn't enough. He'd never get the strength he needed to accomplish his goal…he'd need to find some other way…some other source of power. But if he'd won…maybe it was okay. Maybe his training here was fruitful…maybe he could stay…
The tears poured from Sakura's eyes as she listened to her teacher's reprimands, continuously funneling chakra into him. She had hoped that a successful mission would have been enough to show Sasuke that he was strong, but it seemed to have an opposite effect. The specific events of The Land of Tea mission had only pushed him further down his dark thoughts.
"He might really…but no…he wouldn't join that snake! He can't…"
I understand now. I am an avenger. On the path I walk, I have to do whatever it takes to gain power…even if it means selling my flesh to the devil.
The hand grasping Kakashi's tightened, her other hand fisting in her hair as she kept her head down, unwilling to look up and meet the dark look on Sasuke's face, she knew was there.
Naruto's teeth clenched hard. What the hell was the Bastard's problem?! Why'd Sasuke get so worked up anyway? He hadn't even picked a fight this time, so why was the Bastard so pissed? And Sakura…she could have been seriously hurt—no, she was seriously hurt, since her kekkei genkai triggered. But she shouldn't have been! He and Sasuke were always like this—she'd said it herself they could whip up an argument out of thin air. She was overreacting. Besides, this ongoing fight they had…Naruto needed to win, at least once! Because if he could beat Sasuke—a total powerhouse—then he could definitely become Hokage! He'd know for sure his dreams wouldn't be futile. If he could get Sasuke's acknowledgement—the most stubborn, strongest, beloved, prodigy, he knew, he could definitely get the rest of the Village's…And Sakura…she was getting in the way of that!
"What is this…" Kakashi murmured, still staring his raven haired student down. He'd been extra watchful after they'd both awakened from their comas. He knew Sasuke had met Itachi and had seen his behavior grow more surly and withdrawn…but Sasuke had still set his anger and hatred aside enough to be curious and aid in Naruto and Sakura's attempts to see what was behind the mask Kakashi always wore. He'd taken it as a sign that there was still hope for his pupil. That despite his encounter with his brother, Sasuke didn't want to throw his life with team 7 away. He'd thought that meant the boy had made his choice. That he'd picked his team. That this life was enough and revenge was something he could forget…not right away obviously, but eventually…It appeared he'd been mistaken. Not only had Sasuke not made his choice yet, but he seemed closer and closer to making the wrong one.
Sasuke grunted. He needed to get away from here. He had to clear his head and think. He leapt up, flipping over the chainlink fence surrounding the hospital roof, and landed on a wooden platform a little below. He felt a drop land on his face from above and glanced up, his eyes going wide. The back of the water tank Naruto had been thrown into was completely blown out, a huge gaping hole framed by jagged twisted pieces of metal. What was that…what happened? Was that from Naruto's attack?! Just how far had he…Sasuke's fist pounded into the wall in frustration, before jumping away. He really really needed to clear his head.
Kakashi pulled his hand from Sakura's gently, before jumping up on to the water tank Sasuke had damaged, his eyes following his raven haired student as he leapt through the streets. He sighed…what happened to them? And as their teacher, how had he missed the signs? Had he been blinded by optimism, or had he been too deep in denial, hoping that the student who so resembled him, wouldn't make the huge mistake he seemed so close to making…
"Was it you, who taught him that technique?" Kakashi asked quietly, sensing the presence of the Sanin leaning against the back of the water tank. "Naruto is too young to handle it. He could've killed Sasuke…Even to use against the Akatsuki…that technique is…"
"Look who's talking…" Jiraya grunted. "That chidori was pretty powerful too…although, I never thought Naruto would throw it at a friend…did I miss something between those two kids?"
Kakashi didn't answer right away. "Well…it's complicated."
"Complicated?"
"Remember how you were with Orochimaru, once upon a time?"
"Hmm…" Jiraya's eyes narrowed. He didn't want to be reminded.
"Naruto and Sasuke are both friends and rivals. Their competition keeps them going. Naruto's wanted to be as strong as Sasuke since their academy days. Naruto wants to be recognized not by you or me…but by Sasuke! At the same time, Sasuke senses the change in Naruto and is feeling inferior. He feels at risk of being left behind. Naruto has indeed become strong…"
There's someone I have sworn to kill…
"Is it Itachi making that boy so anxious? Revenge?"
Kakashi released another sigh. "That's why Sasuke doesn't want to recognize Naruto's change. If he does, he may end up doubting himself…It's a difficult thing, rivalry, isn't it?"
"Jealousy isn't a good sign. Maybe I should talk to him…" Jiraya said, pushing himself off the water tank.
"Then I'll trust Naruto to you. I have to deal with a mission…and Sasuke."
"Kakashi…that Haruno girl…she knows what she is, right? She shouldn't be out in the field."
"Sakura knows exactly what she is. She understands her kekkei genkai better than we or any of her past clan members could hope to, and she's made her choice. It's not my place to stop her."
"You're her sensei aren't you?"
"This is all she's got. And the potential she has…she has ways to manage her kekkei genkai. At the moment, that's more than I can say for Naruto and the Kyubi."
"…Alright then."
Kakashi jumped off the water tank, landing back in front of Sakura.
"Did the attack damage anything?"
"No…it's mostly passed. The pain is dulling…I'll need to sleep it off soon." She sniffled. "Sensei—"
"Don't worry! I'll go talk to Sasuke. It'll be alright." He said placing his hand on her head and giving her hair a gentle tussle.
Sakura tried to take comfort in his reassurance, but she found herself doubting his words. Kakashi smiled at her from behind his mask before leaping off.
Naruto approached her slowly.
"Sakura-chan…Don't get in my way!" He said seriously, his tone laced with frustration.
Sakura's eyes widened before she looked back down at the ground she was kneeling on. Her sadness shifted to frustration and annoyance.
"He doesn't understand damnit! He didn't hear what Orochimaru said…or what Sasuke-kun said when he woke up with that curse mark activated! I hadn't told him because I thought it wasn't my place. I thought it was a choice that belonged to Sasuke-kun and he hadn't said anything about it to him while I was unconscious so I…but he needs to know! He needs to understand! Maybe together we could talk Sasuke-kun out of it! And don't get in his way?! I'm his teammate damnit!"
Her head jerked back up to Naruto sharply, her eyes full of hurt, sadness and frustration.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! Don't get in your way?! What am I supposed to do? Stand on the sidelines and do nothing as I watch you two kill each other?! Absolutely not! Are you the only one allowed to care about your friends and do anything to protect them?!"
Naturo's eyes widened in shock, before he grew annoyed as well. "Sakura-chan, this is between me and the Bastard! This isn't your prob—"
Her spurt of anger gave her enough energy to grab the front of Naruto's jacket and yank him down to eye level.
"You're my teammate, shannaro! You and Sasuke-kun both! It sure as shit is my problem! So if you want to keep trying to kill each other with your rivalry—well it's not like anything I've ever said has gotten through to either of you, so have at it! But don't you dare expect me to watch and do nothing! I will get in your way as many times as I have to! If you two end up killing me, maybe it'll finally wake you both the fuck up from your sheer stupidity, but if not, I swear to every god there is that I will claw my way back from the afterlife and throw myself in your way again!"
Naruto paled, his eyes wide…that threat…he could tell she was dead serious. And she was so angry…normally after attacks, she passed out pretty quickly, or if she didn't, she looked and sounded tired and pained. But this…she sounded pained, but not tired. Just so angry. His mouth opened to say…something—even he didn't know what—but Sakura plowed on.
"No you don't get to talk right now! You don't have the full details of what happened that day in the forest of death and I don't have a lot of time before I pass out, so shut the hell up and listen!"
Sakura then recounted everything Orochimaru had said in the forest of death, as well as what Sasuke had said and done when he'd woken up with the curse mark spread all over his body, holding on to her residual anger to keep herself awake.
"…I see, so that's what happened…" Naruto muttered, thinking back quietly on his own encounters with the snake man. "Orochimaru…I saw him again, not long ago."
"What?!"
"When we were looking for Granny Tsunade…Orochimaru was too. He's one of the three great Sanin. He's really strong…and dangerous…" He glanced at the depressed, hurt look on Sakura's face and quickly felt the need to backtrack. "Don't worry! Sasuke won't be tempted by him! He's super strong too! I promise!" Naruto reassured her with a beaming smile, his earlier frustration forgotten. He had a hard time staying made at Sakura when everything she did was so saturated in care and love for them. And he wasn't just giving her reassurance to comfort her, it was what he genuinely believed. As much of a moody, grumpy, asshole as Sasuke could be, he was still a good guy, ready to lay his life on the line for his precious people. A guy like that wouldn't just walk into the arms of that slimy snake for the promise of power!
"You…you really think that? Even after what just happened?…Even after he used an attack that could have killed you?"
"He wouldn't have killed me, Sakura-chan. I'm his friend. He can't kill me anymore than I could kill him." The sureness in his tone left no room for debate.
"I…I don't know…maybe he's right. Those two always seemed to understand each other in a way I never could…" But she still couldn't shake her doubt. Her vision was beginning to blur and she decided to give in. The sooner she got to rest the sooner she'd wake up…and maybe this all would have just been a horrible nightmare. She passed out, slumping forward onto Naruto before she could say anything further.
Sakura woke up in a hospital bed, the room empty and the window outside, dark. It was already night. She got up and immediately pushed open the window, leaping out into the night. Her body was fine now, but she felt so unsure. Self doubt was always something she'd had in spades, and when she felt it this strongly, there'd only ever been one person to get through to her. Her mother. So she headed for the grave yard, hoping just being in proximity to what was left of her mom would help her gain some insight.
She came to a stop in front of her mother's headstone, sitting down and leaning against it as she pulled her necklace out from under her shirt, grasping it tightly.
"Hey mom…sorry, I didn't bring you anything. Again. I…it always seems like a lot has happened whenever I come here, huh?…I don't know what to think…Naruto and Kakashi-sensei keep saying things will be okay but…Sasuke-kun…"
Don't worry! Sasuke won't be tempted by him! He's super strong too! I promise!
He wouldn't have killed me, Sakura-chan. I'm his friend. He can't kill me anymore than I could kill him.
Don't worry! I'll go talk to Sasuke. It'll be alright.
"…Naruto and Sasuke-kun…they spent so much time training together. More time then I ever did…even though I'm staying in Sasuke-kun's apartment right now, I think if you added up the time I've spent alone with him to the time Naruto's spent alone with him, Naruto would have the greater amount. And even when Sasuke-kun and I are alone together sometimes, we're not necessarily doing anything with each other…But the times he and Naruto are together, they're always actively engaging each other, even if it is as opponents in some dumb competition. The way they know each other…it's something I don't even come close too. And Kakashi-sensei has always been observant. He spent a whole month training Sasuke-kun alone. If he says he'd talk to Sasuke-kun, and that everything will be alright…those two can't be wrong, right? They'd know for sure…so why do I feel so much doubt?"
I just gave him a little gift to remember me by…Rest assured, Sasuke will come to me…in his quest for power.
I understand now. I am an avenger. On the path I walk, I have to do whatever it takes to gain power…even if it means selling my flesh to the devil.
I'm an avenger…'Am I strong enough?' Finding that out is all that matters to me right now…Not even for your sake…will I turn away from the path that leads to my goal!
What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan, and destroy a certain someone.
"I don't know who to believe mom. Me or them. Gods I wish you were here. What would you say?"
Whose idea was this?
'…mine.'
'Then there's nothing I have to worry about. I already told you, you're the strongest and smartest person I've ever met. And you're my daughter. I trust you.'
"That's right…you'd trust me. So…" Her eyes widened.
She took off, heading towards the road out of the Village.
Sasuke stood in his room, staring at the photo of team 7. Kakashi had found him earlier and tied him to a tree to make sure he'd listen.
He felt strings tighten around him, pressing into his skin.
"What's this all about?!" He glared up at Kakashi.
"If I didn't do it, you'd run. You must admit, you're not the type to take a lecture willingly. Sasuke. Forget about getting revenge."
He growled audibly. How dare Kakashi suggest such a thing! He didn't understand!
"Although, in my line of work, I've seen a lot of kids like you. The fate of those who speak of revenge is never good…quite tragic, actually. You'll only end up hurting and suffering more than you are now. Even if your revenge is a success…all that'll come of it is emptiness."
"What do you know?! You think you're a genius?!"
"Calm down…"
"If I killed the person most precious to you, then you'd know just how wrong you are about me." He declared darkly.
Kakashi sighed. "Well…I suppose you could…but unfortunately, I don't have anyone special left. The ones most precious to me…have already been killed." He gave a sad mournful smile, hidden behind his mask.
Sasuke's eyes widened. He…his sensei's precious people had been killed? Then why…why didn't he understand?
"I've lived longer than you. Times were bad, back in my day. I know the pain of losing somebody more than I'd like to."
Sasuke dropped his gaze sadly. The pain of losing someone…even in his anger, he could still empathize with that.
"Neither you nor I can be called lucky…that's for sure. But we're not the most unfortunate either."
Sasuke's head jerked up to his sensei.
"You and I have both found precious friends, haven't we?"
Naruto and Sakura's faces painted themselves into his mind. Naruto with his bright beaming dumb smile, and Sakura with that gentle, soft, curve of her lips and look in her eyes that warmed him to his core…
"You realize it after you lose them…" Kakashi said, tugging the string lightly, loosening their hold on Sasuke. "Chidori was a power I gave to you because you found something important. That power is not to be aimed at a friend or used for revenge. You ought to know what that power should be used for. Think about whether what I said hit the mark or not."
And he had. After Kakashi left, he'd sat on that tree branch long past when the sun had set, the sky fully darkened and the moon risen. Naruto and Sakura's faces remained painted in his mind, along with other moments…the three of them passing Kakashi's test. The way he and Naruto teamed up against Zabuza. Sakura dancing up the tree, her hair flying around her and catching the sunlight. The four of them at Ichiraku. Sparing with Naruto. Sakura's arms around him, holding him close. Sakura being at his side when he woke up in the hospital. Sakura welcoming him home, making him dinner, with that look in her eyes. Competing with Naruto over dumb D-rank missions. The three of them plotting different ways to catch Kakashi without his mask. Naruto and Sakura breaking down in a fit of laughter in the Land of Tea…
Those two…they were so precious to him, but…
For every thought and image he'd had of them, he'd also had one of Itachi. Itachi standing over his parents corpses, his katana soaked in blood. Itachi's sharingan, turned on him, making him watch over and over as Itachi slaughtered all their cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends. Itachi making him watch as he sliced their kneeling parents' chests. Itachi declaring that he and whatever twisted organization he was a part of were after Naruto. Itachi reaching for Sakura. Itachi pounding him into the wall with such ferocity and speed, he'd been unable to make any move to counter. Itachi's fingers wrapping around his neck. Itachi once again turning his sharingan on him, making him once again relive the night of the massacre.
He'd been so lost. So unsure of which choice to make. And then they'd shown up. The Sound Four, they'd called themselves. They'd attacked him…and they'd won. Just like Gaara. Aoi. Itachi…he was so weak!
If you stay in this stupid little village, you'll remain human. You won't get any stronger. You'll just keep rotting away…playing ninja with your friends here. Come with us! Orochimaru-sama will give you power!
What's your purpose? You gonna live in this worthless village with your friends? Keep licking each other's wounds? Trying to forget Uchiha Itachi?
Don't forget your purpose. This village can only hinder you. All you gotta do is snip your worthless ties. Then you can gain an even greater power.
Killing Itachi had been his only purpose since he was eight. The only reason he was alive. His dream. His goal. Even if he stayed…with his friends. With Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura…there'd be nothing he was working towards. Nothing to achieve. Naruto's goal was to become Hokage. Sakura's…in their introductions, she'd claimed her dream was to make a lot of money, although now that he knew the reason behind it, he could guess that her actual dream was deeper and more selfless. Based on how deeply she cared for others, it was probably something like helping as many people as possible. But for him…once upon a time, his dream had been to join the police force his family ran, but there was no more police force. It fell when the Uchiha fell. Itachi had taken away his dream and replaced it with only one option. Revenge. As deeply as his friends mattered to him, he had no other reason to exist if not for revenge.
He'd made his choice. He needed to leave. It hurt more than he thought it would, reaching that conclusion. As he stared at his picture of team 7, he felt a sharp pain stab through him. Thank god Sakura hadn't been home…he snuck in through the balcony slider connected to his room, in case she had been, but he didn't sense her chakra at all. It made it easier to go…having to actually look at her, to feel her chakra, as he turned his back on her and their team would have made it so much harder. He hoped they'd let her stay here…continue paying for it as if he still lived there, but let her occupy it instead. It was a nicer place than she'd ever stayed in her life, if the look on her face when she'd scanned his living room had been any indication. She deserved to live somewhere at least this nice, and not have to worry about paying for it.
He laid the picture face down, so his team wouldn't have to see him walk away from them. A poor, sentimental consolation, but it was about the only thing he could do.
He shrugged on his pack and left the way he came, out the balcony door.
Of course, she was the last person he wanted to see, so naturally, she was standing there in the middle of the road near a stone bench. He stopped. The two stared at each other.
Sakura eyed the straps of his pack. "I knew it…he's really leaving." Gods did it hurt.
"It's the dead of night…What are you doing out here?" He'd spoken quietly, but it still somehow felt so loud in the thick silence surrounding them.
"This road is the only way out of the village. So I've been keeping watch."
She'd known. How had she known? Why did she know him that well? The pain he'd felt looking at the team 7 picture, hit again. Stronger.
"Just go home." He said, walking past her. Every step sending a sharp tug through his insides.
Sakura stood frozen for a second as he brushed by her. "He's really leaving me…" The tears spilled from her eyes, and she didn't bother trying to stop them.
"Home…I wonder where that is for me…" Sasuke stopped at the sound of her voice. So quiet, low, and small.
"Without mom, my old apartment was just a prison cell. Without Sasuke-kun that apartment…it's just a place." Her home had his back turned, walking away from her right now.
"You always tell me to say what I'm thinking. To not hold back my feelings. But you…Why do you have to be so silent? Why can't you just let me in?"
He had. He didn't know if it was her constant care and concern, or her maturity, or her how hard she worked, how intelligent she was, her emotional and mental strength, the way she moved…whatever the reason, she'd somehow managed to annoyingly shove past several of his walls and make him care more than he thought he could. Enough so that when he'd thought she drowned, he'd been so panicked his hands had shook. But knowing that would probably hurt her more, now that he was walking away.
"My business is none of yours. Just leave me alone." It would hurt her less if she did.
"You're allowed to insinuate yourself into my problems, but I can't do the same?" She bit out, the tears falling harder. "I can't just leave you alone! Seeing you hurt I…" She closed her eyes, swallowing hard before turning to face his back. "Do you remember the day they announced our three man cell…it was right here…the first time we were alone together. Remember how you blew up at me?"
Why did she have to remember that? That day he'd misunderstood and jumped to conclusions about her…he'd told her she made him sick. Really she had just the opposite effect on him now.
"No, I don't remember that…" His fists tightened in his pockets.
"He's lying…he's trying to push me away…"
"That day…you showed me that I needed to be more sensitive to other people's situations." She smiled softly as she thought back on the times that followed. "Being with you…and Naruto and Kakashi-sensei all those times after…I did my best to follow through on what you taught me and…the more aware of you three I was, the more I started trusting and caring about you guys…when I was with you three, I didn't feel so stressed anymore. Up until then, my world had pretty much been just me and mom…but with you three…my world got bigger. I started to have fun again…I hadn't had fun in years. I was happy. I didn't have to carry everything inside me alone anymore—Sasuke-kun, you were the one to show me that! That I could think and feel out loud…please! Please let me do the same for you!"
Team 7 danced through his head at her words. Their missions, their mishaps, their successes, the ridiculous antics Naruto roped them into. He felt the same as her. When he'd been with the three of them, he hadn't felt lonely anymore. There'd been moments where he'd had fun. Had he…did he really have that big of an impact on her? Did she really attribute her current willingness to display her emotions and share her thoughts entirely to him? For a brief moment, that knowledge warmed him, made him feel pleased, but then the feeling turned into something cold and hard. That meant it'd only hurt more when he finally walked away. He remained silent, pain he couldn't place coursing through him, his fists steadily tightening in his pockets. How annoying. She was making this really difficult.
"Sasuke-kun…I know what happened with your clan. I know what your brother put you through…but revenge, just for its own sake…that won't make anyone happy. Not you. Not Naruto and Kakashi-sensei…not me, either…"
She didn't understand. This wasn't about happiness. Itachi had robbed him of that when he was eight.
"I knew it."
Sakura stared at the back of his head, with glassy eyes, waiting with bated breath, praying she'd made her point. Praying he'd turn around and say "lets go home Sakura." But no matter how hard she prayed, she had a the feeling that the opposite was about to happen.
"I'm not like you and Naruto. I'm on a different path from the rest of you." They were walking a light path, bathed in happiness. It was the path they deserved to walk. But that day, he'd been corrupted. The path of happiness wasn't one he was meant for. "We all worked together for a while. I tried to tell myself our paths all lead to the same place. That it was alright if I walked the same road as you guys…but I couldn't do it. I can't forget my goal. I choose revenge. That's all I've lived for. I can never be like you or Naruto." And that hurt. So much. Because…he really wished he could. But there was no one here for him anymore. His family was gone. Everyone who loved him was dead. He had no goal or dream here. Itachi had killed and corrupted everything that ever meant something to him. Revenge was all he had left.
"So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path?! That day you're pretending you don't remember—the thing you blew up at me about, it was all about loneliness! I…I've been so afraid of being alone for so long. I was isolated all through the academy because the other girls hated me, except for Ino. When I screwed up and pushed her away, there was no one except mom, who was sick, who I had to take care of. I know loneliness, Sasuke-kun. I know isolation…but when I was with Naruto, Kakashi-sensei…when I was with you, I wasn't lonely anymore. Even after…even after mom died…there were very few moments that I felt truly alone, because I had you. If you leave I'll…" She nearly choked when her throat tightened painfully. Her tears streamed down her face, her whole body shaking with sadness. "I'll be very lonely."
Sasuke's eyes softened sadly, hearing her cry. The faces of his smiling team once again floated through his mind. There wasn't anything he could say to make this better, to make it hurt her less. But he couldn't just say nothing when she was crying like that.
"We're each starting off on a new path, they're just different, is all." He said it softly. Gently. He knew it wouldn't help, but it was really all he could offer. It felt like he had to wrench his feet forward, but he finally started walking towards the gate again.
"I think without revenge you feel lost, and you're so scared of feeling lost that you'd rather plunge into darkness because you think there's a path there. But if you'd just stop and look around for one second, you'd see there's another path." Her voice was quiet, rough with tears, but it still carried.
He tensed as he kept forcing himself forward. Her words felt like being stabbed with a kunai, uncomfortably close to hitting the mark…but she was wrong this time. Yes he feared being lost, but there was no other path…
Her intense sadness and pain began to mix with desperation. "He's really walking away! Shit! I might never see him again! I—what do I say?! What can I do to make him stay?! I—"
Do tell him eventually, yeah? Poor boy deserves to know that he's still got someone who loves him.
"You…you're always telling me to say what I really think and feel. If you want to know what I truly feel, I…I'm so in love with you I can't even stand it!" She shouted the words at him, her eyes squeezed shut tightly, unable to bear watching him continue to walk away. Her hand clenched tightly around her mother's pendent, trying to summon up every ounce of her courage…because she had a feeling her heart was about to shatter.
Sasuke froze, his eyes shooting wide. She…loved him? That emotion in her eyes he could never name…that's what that was. So many things slated into place all at once. All the times she blushed around him, how gently she reprimanded him compared to Naruto, how she constantly placed herself in harms way for him. The worry and concern she expressed for him…the way she sat by his bedside in the hospital. The crane…she loved him…
"I don't know exactly when it started…I'd liked you since we were in the academy but after being on a team with you I just…at some point I…" She smiled sadly at the ground as tears poured from her. The sadness, pain, and desperation, now fused with an overwhelming amount of love for the raven haired boy in front of her.
Did he…was that what he felt towards her? He'd known for a while that the way he cared about her was different from how he cared about Naruto. She was the only person he never thought about with hostility. Her smile—her real smile, not the fake one—made him feel at ease. Her voice soothed him. Her rare laughter was relaxing. Whenever he watched her dance he got completely enthralled, forgetting everything else around him. She was the only person he didn't particularly mind invading his personal space. Whenever she was in danger, whether from her own chakra, or something external, he felt…terrified. He respected her sometimes more than he respected Kakashi. He trusted her fully. He knew all of her habits and quirks, preferred it when she sat or stood near him, felt unspeakably irritated when she smiled or blushed at other boys. And every now and then, his mind loved to remind him how warm her lips felt pressed against his or how soft her hair was…Was that…? Did that mean he…?
"Stay with me and I'll never let you regret it! I'll help you find a new goal! You'll be happy! I'll make sure of it! I'll do anything for you Sasuke-kun! Just please…please don't go…"
His breathing was uneven, his heartbeat sounded unusually loud, he could feel it ramming against his rib cage. What if he…what she was promising him…could he really…was he in love with Sakura? Did he feel the same way as her? He thought he…
The image of Itachi standing over his parents with his blood soaked katana flashed through his mind again, along with the image of Itachi reaching for Sakura in the hallway of that seedy inn…
No. He wouldn't love her. He couldn't allow himself. Not with Itachi still alive. Not with Itachi able to take everyone away from him again.
"I'll even help you take revenge! I mean, I'll manage it somehow…so please…stay with me."
No one…no one had ever offered to help him get his revenge before. No one had ever offered to share the burden. Sakura…she really was…his throat felt tight. He bit down hard on his lip. Her words hurt. Her tears hurt. Because he knew he couldn't take her up on her offers. He knew he couldn't comfort her. A person's goal, their purpose, could only be discovered by them, there was no such thing as help in finding a new goal. Happiness was something he could never have so long as his brother was still breathing. As much as her offer meant to him, he would never, never, allow Sakura anywhere near Itachi, he would never put her in that kind of danger. And he knew he couldn't turn around, hold her close, and stroke her hair comfortingly to get her to stop crying. If he did that, he'd never be able to make himself let go.
"If you can't then…maybe I can go with you?"
His hands were shaking in his pockets. His eyes squeezed shut as he bit down even harder on his lip. For one horrible second, he actually considered it. What if he didn't have to give up everything? What if he could be loved and still get the power he needed for his revenge? But no. There was no way in hell he could do that. He would not bring Sakura anywhere near Orochimaru, the first person to activate her curse. He wouldn't force her to be near the man who'd ordered the attack that killed her mother. Sakura was everything good and light and warmth. He'd never be able to live with himself if he dragged her down his dark and shadowy path. That wasn't what she was destined for. Her path was to help a lot of people, his was to murder a murder. He wouldn't taint her with that. Making him think like this, care like this, she really was…
"You…really are annoying." He murmured a small pained smile on his lips. With a slight tilt of his head, he glanced back at her, feeling how each of the tears falling from her jade eyes stabbed through him with guilty pain. The last person he ever wanted to hurt…look how badly he'd hurt her…
He straightened, once again forcing his feet to move forward, despite how heavy they felt.
"He's still walking away?! What do I do?! I have to do something I—"
"Don't leave me!" She shouted her desperation surging. "One more step and I'll scream!"
Sasuke vanished from her line of sight, and she felt his presence at her back.
"Sakura…Thank you…for everything." There was a tap at her neck, and her vision began to fade.
"Sasu..ke…kun." She slumped forward, unconscious.
Sasuke caught her immediately, scooping her up into his arms. He laid her gently down on the nearby stone bench…the one she'd been sitting on the very first time they were alone together.
He hadn't knocked her out because of her threat to scream and alert others of his departure. He'd done it because he could hear the desperation and panic in her voice, and he wasn't sure if they were emotions that would trigger her. He never wanted to be the reason her kekkei genkai activated. It had already happened once today, and at the time he'd been too angry and frustrated to worry as he should have. But not again. Twice in one day because of him…he couldn't do that to her.
He stared down at her, as her tears continued to fall even in her unconscious state. If only things had been different they could have…maybe after. Maybe after he'd accomplished his goal, if he was still alive, if the village let him come back, and she didn't completely hate him—as she was well within her rights too—maybe then. If she found it in that big warm heart of hers to forgive him, maybe they could be with each other then.
The scariest thought was that she might not be alive by then. Kakashi had said the life expectancy for a Haruno ninja was 16 max. But no. He firmly believed she'd live longer than that. She had a method to control it, a way to train it. He trusted her to figure it out. But it still worried him. It had always worried him, since he'd first held her in his arms as she twitched and choked back her screams, with her skin hot and glowing with chakra, and tears pouring down her face.
"Don't die while I'm gone, Sakura. Please." He whispered, unable to stop his hand as it reached out, stroking her hair three times before he tore it away. It was time to go. Now.
He turned and walked out the gate without looking back, ignoring the small piece of him screaming that he should turn around, bring Sakura back home, apologize a thousand times over and never let go of her hand.
Author's note: I'm really unclear about the passage of time throughout this entire arch. I tried to do my best with it. This chapter takes place entirely over one 24 hour period, which I think is canon but I'm unclear. Whatever, it's what it is here anyway. Naruto telling Sakura not to get in his way is canon and I was fucking shocked when I read that. He got pissed at Sasuke for telling her the same thing during the chunin exams-it's so hypocritical, especially when it's obvious how worried she is for both of them. The Sasuke leaving scene and everything leading up to it, is predominantly from his point of view. The manga/anime focuses more on Sakura during that scene, so I wanted to show how Sasuke felt, since we know how Sakura feels. I don't think leaving the village was an easy choice for him, and he may have even reached the conclusion to stay if it hadn't been for the sound 4 coming in. I don't think it needs to be said, but in this version, Sakura's confession allows him to place and name the feelings he has towards her. He's also in love with her-or at least, he's nearly there, but he refuses to acknowledge and allow himself to. The manga frames Sasuke's need to kill Itachi as entirely for revenge, and that he has no thoughts of a future, so Sakura's confession can't really make him stay. But I think after what he went through, he would desperately want to be loved, but there'd be trauma around actually loving someone and deep fear that they might again be taken away from him by Itachi. So in this version, he leaves mostly for revenge but also because in his mind, any chance of a future with Sakura, or in the village with his team, is dependent on Itachi's death.
Please, please, please review! They're honestly so helpful with motivation and give me so many ideas, so please keep them coming! Anyways, thanks for reading this far! :)